Nazim Mangera – 10 Extremely Important Pre Marital Questions
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The speaker discusses important premarital questions for women, including their faith and religion, loans and debts, and the use of sex during marriage. They emphasize the importance of understanding one's own values and not just being a complete coward. The speaker also emphasizes the need to be prepared for a potential marriage scenario and to be aware of birth control and hurt. The importance of bringing up important discussions in premarital questions and having children in marriage is discussed, along with advice on how to bring up children in the future.
AI: Summary ©
There's something which I collected here which is
not in the PowerPoint.
And this is a very important discussion that
important
premarital questions.
Okay? This is something which you all want
to write down. These questions make sure you
ask your prospective spouse. And the first one
is specifically for the males.
Okay?
Males I'm I'm watching guys. Make sure you
write this down. Pradha, are you writing it
down?
Okay. This is for the mills.
Okay. You guys ready? In your
female family members,
in your female family members,
does anyone have a beard?
No. Just kidding.
Okay, guys. I was just kidding with that.
Okay?
Girls, no beards. Okay? And and no mustaches
as well.
Alright. So important premarital questions.
Okay. So some topics which prospective couples must
discuss before they tie the knot.
And don't be afraid to ask these questions.
But at the same time, you know, don't
come with a list of, like, 100 questions.
Okay? Less like overdoing it. Alright?
So don't make a mistake and don't get
married without knowing your future spouse's thoughts
on these issues.
Otherwise, sometimes those same issues can kill a
marriage.
You know, thinking that you can deal with
this issue later in your marriage is a
mistake.
Number 1,
honestly the question, you know, we ask is,
have you ever been married before?
Okay. Have you been married before?
And are you married now?
Okay. Especially
for the males.
Have you been married before or are you
married right now?
Because sometimes, you know, I officiated 1 marriage,
and then later on the guy got busted.
And the first wife found out that he
got married again, so there's lot of issues
and difficulties.
Okay, next one.
Does religion play an important part in your
life?
Do you think faith and spirituality are important
in marriage? What's your view of or
face covering or the beard? Do you perform
5 daily prayers? If you think that is
important to you.
And not only that, but the concept of
the or
which scholars do you look up to? Which
scholars or which
do you like or you do not like?
You have issue with this or this scholar
which I like? Now all this is a
very important point because you don't want to
get married to someone and later on realize
that, you know, they have a different view
of how to do things in life. Even
though there's nothing wrong with it, and it's
sadly to say because of that sometimes,
a Muslim communities,
they're broken up because of the madhab or
because of a certain scholar. Let us realize
that the different madhabs, the different scholars,
different organizations out there, our purpose is 1,
how we all can be connected with our
creator.
Okay? So our heart should not be filled
with rancor,
and hatred, and animosity towards another group, or
towards another scholar, as long as they're doing
things Islamically.
Okay? As long as there's nothing wrong with
their and their faith, and with their Islam,
we should love all the different groups and
all the different organizations out there. What's the
use of walking around with hatred in our
hearts? Because when you have hatred in your
heart, then you'll just be a miserable person.
But this is important point because according to
some people, they don't like someone from that
mad hub or they don't they think badly
about that scholar. And this will have a
negative effect on your married life
and your children as well, that they want
to bring up their child in one way,
and you want your children to be brought
up in a different way. So the second
question is about your faith and religion.
The third question is and this is important.
Okay. Do you have any loans or debts
which need to be repaid?
If yes, then who will repay the loans?
Will your family take care of them? Or
will I have to take care of it?
If so, how are you making progress to
eliminate the debt?
From school loans to car loans,
credit cards to bad spending habits,
most people they get married with financial baggage.
If one partner has more debt than the
other, or worse yet one partner is debt
free,
The sparks can start flying when discussions about
income, spending, and debt servicing come up.
Okay? So this is important as well. And
many times, people get married nowadays and then
they realize that their husband or their wife,
they have $20,000,
$30,000,
$40,000
loan from their education
and from their studies. And eventually, you know,
the parents, they're they're not gonna pay for
it anymore. Why? Because their daughter or their
son is married off, and now the husband,
they have to discuss it. Who will take
care of it? Will it be from the
husband's money? Or will will the parents be
helping out and all these things? So this
is a very important question.
Okay. Next one, will you be studying after
marriage and for how long?
This is the important question that for a
male or a female, you're studying right now.
So after marriage, will you continue studying? And
how long do you want to study for?
Question number 5, will you be working after
marriage? And for how long? How many years?
We're getting married right now. Do you still
want to work after marriage? Or after marriage
I still want to study, or I want
to work after marriage. What is your view
on that? That after marriage will you let
me study or not? Will you let me
work or not?
Okay. So these are important discussions
at points which should be brought up in
the premarital questions.
So next point number 6 is, when do
you want to have children, and also do
you want to have children or not at
all? So if the husband has or or
the wife has made a decision that I
don't want to have children in my marriage,
then you need to find that out.
Because it is happening nowadays that the husbands
or the wives, they're going to marriage not
wanting children. So that's something which should be
questioned about and which should be talked about
prior to marriage.
Marriage. We'll be discussing it later on
that you get married
right now and you might be young and
you're still studying. Okay?
You're you still want to study, or it's
the first couple of years of your marriage
and,
the the discussion, the topic
of having children.
Islamically, are you allowed to use birth control
and contraceptives,
especially in their 1st years of marriage for
various reasons.
You know, the reason of you're still studying.
Because you know that if you have children
then, you know, it'll be hard for you
to continue your studies. Or the 1st year
1st couple of years of marriage, and you
know that the 1st year of marriage, this
is the most difficult year of your marriage
in your life. And you don't want that
to be exacerbated
because of having children in the 1st year.
Okay. So are you allowed to use contraceptives
and birth control
for these two reasons specifically?
Okay. So that was number 6, about children.
Number 7.
And this is important as well that our
children that how do you want to bring
them up in the future? Do you want
to send them to an Islamic school? Do
you want to send them to a public
school? Do you want to homeschool them? Or
for example, you want your future children to
be Islamic scholars. What do you want your
children to do and to be in the
future, and how are you gonna take care
of their secular education, religious education?
This is happening in marriages as well that
the husband wants homeschooling, the wife doesn't. Or
the wife wants Islamic school, the husband doesn't.
Husband wants public school, the wife wants Islamic
school. And lot of these fights and quarrels
happen many times in marriages nowadays. This is
one of the reasons on how to bring
up children.
I mean, you don't decide yes or no
just because of this point, but it's something
that you want to keep in front of
you when you make your final decision about
the person.
The next question,
that after marriage, where do you want to
live? With your parents or separately?
And this is specifically also important for the
females. You know, this question that they will
be asking that after marriage, do you want
you to stay with your parents, or are
you gonna be ready to live alone in
a different place after marriage? And as males
we have to realize, the person who we
are going to marry, you know, she's not
your servant.
Okay? Don't marry someone with the intention
that she's gonna take care of your mother
and your father.
Okay. That's not her duty, that's not her
responsibility.
And one person said to me that, you
know, I wanna marry someone, and that person
should be ready to take care of my
mom and my dad.
No, this is a completely wrong outlook. That
is not her responsibility,
it is your responsibility.
The brothers and the sisters, the sons and
the daughters of of the parents, it is
their responsibility
to take care of the parents. It is
not the responsibility of your wife to be
a servant to your your parents, and your
brothers, and your sisters, and everybody else.
You're not marrying someone for the sake of
that person taking care of your parents.
Okay. And and there's a whole discussion to
this, and I'll discuss
this issue of where should you be staying
and and residing after you get married? With
your parents or separately?
If with your parents, where in the house
and things like that.
But this is important point.
Next point, and considering what's going on nowadays
with all the STDs and STIs and sexually
transmitted infections and everything else, that you suffer
from any chronic disease or venereal disease or
condition.
Are you aware that you're infected with an
STI, sexually transmitted
infection or any other disease? And are you
willing to take a physical exam by a
physician before marriage?