Naima B. Robert – Wednesday Night Live Are Muslim Women Scared of Being Housewives
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of finding examples of men being unreliable and leaving their children behind or putting their wives in the best situation. They stress the need to address issues related to women and feminism and avoid negative consequences caused by men who are out there and not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing things that are not doing
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah Salam aleikum. Guys salaam Wa alaykum It is Wednesday,
Wednesday night. And you already know what it is. It's Wednesday
night. It's a Wednesday night live stream. And I want to see who's in
the House who's in the building. Let me know if you can hear me.
Let me know if you can hear me loud and clear. And if you can see
me, I want to see where you guys are attending from. So we've got
Garner, we've got a Ghanaian sister in the house, where is
everybody else based, we've got Garner in the house, who else is
here in sha Allah, tonight's live stream is going to be all about
home a phobia, and we're going to be looking at an article that a
sister wrote, and we're going to be dissecting it. I'm going to
open the call lines briefly, because I won't be on here for too
long. Tonight in sha Allah is not going to be a three hour
livestream. Just so you know, it's not going to be a three hour
livestream, we're going to keep it to under an hour in sha Allah,
what we'd like to get as many people here, sharing their views,
you know, having, you know, having something to say on the topic, as
much as possible. But I have had a full day of filming today. So I
cannot do the three hour thing. And also, we've got Friday night
coming up as well in sha Allah. So I want to preserve my energy for
that. But I want to thank every one of you that has subscribed to
the channel. I want to thank every one of you that has been
commenting on the videos that has liked the videos that has shared
your views. I read all the comments. Mashallah, yes, that's
how sad I am. I read all the comments. And it's always
interesting for me to see the types of opinions that are out
there. It's, it's really, really interesting for me, to see what
people think what they agree with what they don't agree with? What
resonates with them, what doesn't resonate with them. So does that
allow hate on all of you for sharing? I do appreciate it. I do
read them all. And yeah, it helps me to get the temperature for
what's going on on the channel, right?
What's it all about homophobia? We're going to just share the link
with some sisters in sha Allah? Guys, you I'll put the link in the
chat as well for you to come on after I've sort of shown you the
future presentation if you like. So
it might not mean what you think Janine? Okay, so let's not let's
make the algorithm unhappy. Let's not do that. Let's let's be cool.
That'd be cool. Because this means something different to what you
may think in Sharla. All right, so we've got Stockholm, Sweden. In
the picture. We've got Oslo, Norway. Mashallah. So Europe in
the building, we've got Ibadan, Nigeria. Thank you for clarifying.
Specifically, we're in Nigeria love that. We've got Belize in the
house and hamdulillah we've got some of our regulars Mimi. Yes,
yes. We've got some of our regular regulars in the building. I
recognize you guys from the last streams and hamdulillah excellent,
excellent, excellent. Midlands, UK. All right. Let's jump in and
see what this homophobia is all about. Inshallah, I'm going to
show you a post, the post that inspired this stream, and
inshallah we'll get a chance to,
we'll get a chance to talk about it right to see what we think of
the of the topic and see if it has any relevance for us today. Okay,
so I'm gonna share the screen in sha Allah. Guys, make sure that
you hit the like button as you come in. If you're not subscribed,
then subscribe to the channel. We're on our way to 50k subs, and
you guys can help us get there in sha Allah so please do not be shy.
What do not be backwards about coming forwards and that's what I
want to say. All right, let's share this now smena
okay
okay, you guys ready? All right. Yes, some of you mashallah you
subscribed a long time ago, I know Baraka lofi come. Alright, let's
go in with this. Let me know if you can see the screen. We're
going to share this particular piece by Huda knock man, and for
those who are interested in this kind of thing, this post was on
the sisters corner official and the sisters corner is basically a
group of sisters who are upon Quran and Sunnah and upholding
traditional values for the younger generation mashallah, so they're
doing some really amazing work. Check out their Instagram, the
sisters corner official, this addressing homophobia was posted
on their Instagram, okay, so you can go over there to get more of
this type of thing. So what is this home of phobia that we're
talking about? It's a noun. And it's the Modern society has an
irrational fear of stay at home moms. This
Is her position. So let's read together.
The Global Gender Gap Report published in July this year ranked
Pakistan at 145 with regards to gender parity, in terms of
economic participation, and opportunity. All right, you guys
can all see we together. Okay, cool.
Noting that Pakistan is the country where women have the
smallest share of senior managerial and legislative roles.
Now, instead of immediately seeing this as a negative, a critical
thinker would ask, why is this problematic? Why must the ultimate
empowerment of women be linked to their financial contribution? This
argument posits that a woman's earning power is an indicator of
her well being, and discounts the enormous mental and physical
strains it levied upon her. In her book, hard labor, the sociology of
parenthood, Caroline Gatchell shares her attempts to try to
understand the lived experience of those who combine parenthood with
paid work. The study finds that combining the two proved to be
incredibly difficult. Most of the women had to return to work 12
weeks after giving birth, despite it being incredibly difficult for
them, they not only found it hard to give time to their partners,
which potentialized a strain of relationships, the women will also
tired physically and suffered mentally due to the dual load. The
question then becomes whether the lack of a system of provision for
women benefits women are corporations.
So it's noteworthy that while women's earning power may be
limited, their spending power is not necessarily restrained. The
list of countries with low economic participation of women
includes Qatar as well, whereas Qatari women enjoy some of the
world's most luxurious lifestyles. A simple visit to a mall elucidate
this argument for many of the stores and brands target the
female consumer. If women were truly economically
underprivileged, there would not be a huge market for luxury goods
that cater to women. It is unfair to jump to immediate conclusions
without taking into account the full context and culture that this
economic gender disparity is operating in. In traditional
societies, men assume the role of breadwinner and provider. Why must
the woman who is provided for and taken care of so Egypt subjected
herself to the misery of corporate slavery and the strains of the rat
race? So you guys, there's some points for you guys to argue you
got to jump in. And you got to either say No, I agree. I disagree
completely. Oh, I agree with this, or whatever it is that you think
okay, so this is just something for us to discuss tonight. Okay.
It's not necessarily my position, but I have not heard this
position, argued in this way. And I thought it will be very
interesting for us. So further, it's misconstrue the argument that
views a lack of women's economic participation as an unfortunate
reality falsely infers that rewards can only be monetary.
Thus, women exchanging labor for money is seen as praiseworthy,
while women investing in their families in exchange for their
families, devotion, love and care is regarded as concerning.
Such an understanding can only be reached by a society that centers
money as the ultimate contributor to a good life. While material
capital has its value, it is not necessary that all members of
society be involved in its pursuit.
Okay, guys, again, please put your comments your thoughts in the
comments and I'm going to go back through the comments and then open
up the core lines inshallah. So as you're listening, as you're
reading for yourself, just put your thoughts in the comments and
then we'll go through the comments and invite people to come on. So
this notion that a woman is only empowered when she is contributing
to society financially, is essentially a flawed one, for it
does not take into account matters of in material value. Families are
essential, in that they are the means of primary socialization for
future generations. They are factories whose product is the
development of human personalities, and thus must
provide both material and emotional comforts for the healthy
development of society's members. The provision of an emotional home
is equally as necessary, if not more than the need for a physical
home. Parents, as opposed to institutions of education,
recreation and caretaking are better suited
for providing the sense of security, as they have a personal
interest in the child's survival. Thus, it is only absurd to look at
women taking up perhaps the most important contribution to society
with concern or dread.
Now, if power is to be understood as the ability to influence
another's behavior, or actions, power, right, we're talking about
power here, then women are the most empowered in their role as
mothers. Mothers exert the greatest amount of influence on an
individual and have the capacity to shape their thoughts and ideas.
As such, women hold more power in their roles as mothers than they
do in any senior managerial and legislative position. Al Sousa
argued that families are the ideological state apparatus, while
for Al Souza, this is a negative in that children learn norms and
values that uphold capitalism, this observation can be used to
understand the immensity of the power, women yield in their roles
as mothers, they quite literally have the capacity to shape the
future of their communities. Now, I'm not going to go into all of
this because it gets quite heavy. So I want to skip forward to this
last part where it says women have played the role of the nurturer
for centuries, as it is not only an incredibly important one, but
also best suits their sensibilities. This enables them
to contribute to society in an atmosphere that is conducive to
their femininity, and does not force them into environments that
run on systems that require masculine traits of aggression and
toughness. This then begs a poignant question, why are
femininity and feminine roles seen as inferior to masculine roles? So
much so that a woman's true value is judged by her capacity to mimic
a man?
Okay, well, that was a lot that was a lot Masha Allah, but I hope
that we will be able to go back through the comments and have a
conversation. So firstly, by and large, let's take a quick poll. If
you agree with the sentiment in general of the post that I just
read, agree in the comments or the chat and if you disagree, for
whatever reason, but disagree in the chat. Okay, and in the
comments and guys, if you are here live, you know, you need to put
two Live Crew in the chat. And if you're watching on the replay, put
replay gang in the comments. Okay. So let us see what everyone has to
say. I want to see we've got 56 People live I want to see who
agrees and who disagrees. Please thank you very much. I will be
coming back to check. Well, all right, let's see what we've got.
So
yes, Junaid thought homophobia meant something else and yes, you
are wrong. He says oh wow, I am flabbergasted.
Right so BB says I feel this is a lot as a new stay at home wife.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this Sis, do you feel hard done by
Do you feel that it's too much for you? Do you think it would be
easier for you to be working rather than staying at home? I'd
love to hear your thoughts in sha Allah. So King Sultan says Masha
Allah you're doing what pleases Allah? subhanaw taala the most? So
says thanks, right.
Now let's see.
Right, right, right, right. Right. This is so Haroon says, really
appreciate this topic. May Allah help us all? Let's see if I can
put the link there's the streaming link guys if you want to come in.
All right. So Kula says many women in Pakistan own small personal or
family businesses and shops in Pakistan, Afghanistan and
Bangladesh. So it's not really a corporate or industrial economic
base country in the first place. He says, So Samir says I would
never work if someone provided for me. I like my sleep and hobbies
work is a hassle, nothing fancy about it. And I'm sure there will
be people who would agree and I'm sure there'll be those who
disagree. I want to hear that. I want to hear those who agree and
those who disagree king so Tom says wives that cook and clean
full time are better than wives that work. Well. This is your
opinion. Let's hear you defend it. I agree with your position.
However, if it's okay with the sisters, I think they can work
from home, but their primary responsibility is to be a
homemaker. Okay? So those brothers who are not married or who would
consider getting married, would assist her saying that she wants
to work outside the home, make be a disqualifier, we want to hear
and are you prepared to financially provide everything
everything for that sister? Let us know. A consultant says the why
work from home while you're obsessed with working some way or
another, just be a full time housewife for God's sake. Okay
Sisters, we need to come in here is being a full time housewife.
doable? Is it? Is it acceptable to you? Do you feel that it is a
waste of your potential? Would you enjoy that? If somebody agreed to
pay for your whole life? Would you be cool with being a full time
housewife and literally just making house and not be worried
about anything else? Where does this come from? Let's talk. So far
this is this is on point, actually, the materialistic side
of the world we live in and consumerism as high as it is now
pushes some to abide by some untold rules to an unknown game.
Right. And it's interesting because the whole gender pay gap
thing is one of those things that they really do push, but we've
obviously heard that being refuted and debunked as well. Subhan Allah
so so Bibi says capitalism doesn't encourage nor does it care for
this ideology, which is the primary focus of many's Western
societies. Hence the rise in single mothers and singlehood. I'd
like to hear what you mean by that sis. Samir says stay at home moms
are better for the kids upbringing. Kindergarten should be
the last resort guys if you disagree with any of these points,
please please let me know in the comments and come into the room.
I'll put the link there inshallah. And guys, I'm waiting for answers
to my questions. So first, it says we all have roles to play in order
for society to function properly. Nina says, unfortunately, I've
been judged before by other sisters were choosing to be a stay
at home mum. It's interesting how the tide has turned. Isn't it
interesting. It didn't used to be like that in the Muslim community.
So Janine says the main crux of the problem is we are allowing the
Western moral ethos to define what is women's empowerment 100% And I
know that when I used to use the word empowerment, so empowerment
for sisters,
a lot of people get very uncomfortable because they would
assume that I was talking about this type of empowerment, the
language you hear from NGOs and the UN etc. Which is very much
about getting women out into the workplace in the same places as
men sort of competing, so interesting.
I only say work from home if they desire and the circumstances are
favorable. Bibi says the more single women there are the more
money to be earned and productivity and person in the
eyes of the capitalist that rule the world. Well, definitely
educated employed, single women are like,
although like the gold, right for the capitalist system, we know
that, especially the older they get, and the more more sort of
luxurious their lifestyle they can afford, the more they'll spend,
right and they don't have dependents. So they don't have to
save necessarily they don't have to keep that money for anybody
else. Just presents for the nice nieces and nephews and the god
kids I guess.
Right? Okay, so most of the people who are here are agreeing, Khadija
says women should stay home until her kids are grown period. Okay, I
should say I agree with the last part. Oh, sis says whoever put
that piece together is spot on. I can't agree more and hamdulillah
women's position in the home is the most valuable of her being?
Well, I definitely think that she made her point very, very strongly
at the end. We're having all sorts all sorts of Agree, Agree, Agree,
agree that he's absolutely Mom, just stay home and raise her kids
and then cough as a man. I could not get out here in the world and
push it to the limit if it was not for my wife and her sacrifice to
take care of the home. Absolutely. 100% agree and sidenote, when I
was in high school, there was an STD outbreak and all the kids that
obtained the STD their parents were not at home. Oh my goodness
me while I was a biller, may Allah protect our families, may Allah
protect our families.
Janine says, Why talk about power so much? This is a problem of the
leftist ideology. They talk about power a lot, but at the same time
sanctify the idea of power. Well, the idea of power is that, you
know, I think that the way that power is being is being explained
or being contextualized is that basically you have the power to do
and to control and to make things happen.
And I think as Muslims, our concept of power is not power, its
responsibility, right? And we all have a responsibility. Allah
subhanaw taala has given us roles to play, whether we are children,
parents, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, we have roles to play.
And I think that the talk about power and privilege is like you
said, it is it is its leftist ideology, I guess, but it's also
sort of part of the critical, the critical theories and gender
theory and racial theory as well and gender ideology, and feminism.
Yeah. So I think that's where it is.
He says, I think feminist principles instill homophobia in
women. Oh, well, she said it guys, what do you
You think What do you think about that? She says women used to be in
charge of the family's well being and men for the provision. Today
the focus is on worldly possessions Subhanallah that
explains the poor health and specifically mental health amongst
children. While everybody's out there trying to earn to increase
their wealth, aren't they? And if a parent can't stay home, then
there is nobody who is focusing on those children's Pamela Janay says
my future wife is working. It's a failure from my end as a husband.
Okay. I agree. The premise of the study is placing the man's role as
the standard because they hold power in the capitalist frame.
Yes, we agree. We agree. We agree. We agree, right.
Being a full time housewife, housewife is not only sensible,
but the most fulfilling as she gets to raise the next productive
generation and hamdulillah right consultants his wife working is a
big red flag I will provide fully for her. I don't know what this
elbow cough thing is. I'm not really sure. But I am says women
should stay at home and focus on their children in the household
also create a loving and nurturing home with warm meals for her
husband. Smith says it's not a deal breaker, she wants to work.
But if I will change my mind later on, I'd like her to listen to me,
especially if there's no need for two incomes. What if she says, I
studied, I got this degree, I want to use it, or I'm bored at home.
Or I feel like my best skills are not the ones I use at home. I
would rather be out there contributing to the OMA, what then
is the answer? What would you say?
fattiest says something that somebody in the comments said, and
I'm so glad that she said this because that was one of the
reasons why I did this live stream, which is I think being a
stay at home wife or mom is a luxury nowadays. 100% I've been
both a stay at home mother and a working mother and it all depends
on your life situation for sure. godzik per says Allah provides. I
grew up in a single mother household where she worked. I
rarely saw her and was raised by housekeepers and television Subhan
Allah. I'm going to let sister wide come in since what we're
going to go through these comments together. So when they come
it's good to
have you back again.
To do that, let's go through these comments. Let's go through.
So
yes, we can hear you well, Mashallah. So Amina says this is
the first time the first person who's kind of given some pushback.
So I mean, it says, I personally don't think women that work are
being materialistic. I'm a teacher and believes the society needs me
as much as my family. What are your thoughts on that?
Well, I don't you see, look, I don't judge individuals, I judge a
system, the system today. I mean, there's a lot of women who wants
to be housewives, they can't they have to go out there, they have to
provide for the families. That's because of the way the system is
shaped. Right. For me, personally, I'm not against woman working like
a lot of people think that I am I'm not inherently a woman working
is not right. When it comes an interview interferes with her role
as a mother and as a wife, that's when it becomes a problem. And I
think the system, which feminism largely contributed to that one of
the things that it did was to forcefully push women into the
workforce, and at the expense of the family of her duties as a
mother and as a wife. If you as an individual, go out there and do
your thing as a woman go and you work and you do all of that, you
know, that's good. But when we look at society as a whole, you
know, that's good for you. Right? But when we look at society as a
whole, when all woman out there, and nobody's at home, who's there
at home, taking care of the children? When we look at it from
a collective level, right? There is a there's a price to pay, you
know, I mean, it's there's some woman who can balance being at
work and being at home. That's also that's good for you know, a
lot of women can do that. We have to You see, the problem is with
society today is a lot to do with individualism. Everybody's
thinking about, well, if it worked for me, it's like this. And if
it's for me, it's like this. Nobody's really looking at what
does this do for society as a whole. Nobody's really caring
about how society as a whole is affected is affected by certain
things.
Yep, yeah. No. 100% And it's interesting because that, you
know, I think anybody who has tried to juggle or balance between
being a wife and a mom and working can at
test to the fact that it's tough. I mean, there's some people who do
it. Some people need to do it. We need some people to do it. Right.
But I think the question here is, how much do we make that the
standard? How much do we make that the norm right that every woman is
working, you know, and even if she has kids, she's still expected to
be working out in the workforce, I think that's a big deal. I should
says full time housewife, then they're done that nothing wrong
with that if your husband can take care of everything else
rawness is acceptable. But if you can work Hello, work like a
teacher for women, why not make it easy for the husband? I mean,
three hours a day working and earning 20 euros an hour would
help society not only the family? This Oh, that's interesting,
actually. Because, you know, some people have mentioned that, you
know, they wouldn't have a problem with their wife working as long as
it doesn't interfere. You know, if you're contributing to the
household, I know there will be some men who be like, Yes, please
do that. And then others will be like, No, thank you. I've got
this. So let me let me poke the bear a little bit here. So this is
this is,
this is something I would like sisters to consider, right? So
let's let's let's make it a bit fancy, say your husband's working.
And he you know, you guys already agreed or he would rather that you
stay at home with the kids and look after the house, look after
the kids look after him, et cetera, right. And he's working
he's providing, but he's only providing to a certain level, and
you want more. And you know that if you go out to work, there's
going to be two incomes in the house. And you guys will be able
to have more to do more, maybe we'll be able to afford that
holiday, maybe we'll be able to afford to buy better clothes or
shop at better shops, etc. Right? How much of that? wanting more
influences us as sisters to want to go out and earn for ourselves,
either wanting more for the family, or wanting more for
ourselves in our own pocket Sister, why don't want to see if
you have any, any any insight on this? And also for those of you in
the chat, let me know what you think. Because from where I'm
standing, this is something that comes up that it's not like, Oh,
we're starving if I don't work, but it's like, I want more. And my
husband can't bring more. He can't do more. But I want us to have
more. So I'm gonna go and go out there. And what are your thoughts
versus the one?
You know, you know, what's so interesting is the reason why this
is a problem today, because it wasn't so much a problem long ago,
the reason why it's such a problem today is because especially in the
West, okay, so that's not a problem at all. Okay, not at all.
Okay, so I live in the, in the Hadith, the GCC countries, most
most people here live on one income. Right. And it's, it's more
than enough, it includes even the luxuries, and all of that. But
what I've seen in the West, though, Western economic system,
is shaped in such a way where it's really, really hard to live off of
one income. Right. And so in cases of that, like I've said before,
inherently, it's not wrong for a woman to work, as long as that
does not interfere with your role as a mother and as a wife,
particularly as a mother. And the reason why I say this is because
if you go out and work, even if you have to, in order, because
it's a need, you have to in order to take care of your family, or if
it's just you know, for extra luxury, right? Or to get above the
bare minimum. Yeah, there will always be a price to pay if you're
going to be spending more time in the workforce than you are at
home, particularly as a mother with your children. And
particularly if your children are young, because your input as a
mother in, you know, the Tampere and raising your children is much
more important, I'd say, than then even just the extra luxuries that
I would say. And I've, I've actually
thought of something where it's like, today's society kind of
pushes us to go after a career and to go and work and to go and have
all the fun during our prime years. Right. And I just think to
myself, I know a woman who they are now in their late 40s, early
50s, maybe going into the 60s and their children are already grown.
Right? Teenagers now. And they have the time now to go and
actually make something right for themselves like Korea or something
like that. And on the side they have the love and support of their
family. So for me, I just think to myself, now just generally because
we are being pushed, whether we like it or not, even if from a
cultural perspective, we are being pushed to go after a career that
for us is women. Right? We have a specific amount of time that we
can actually make a family. Yeah, that's just how it is. Right?
Yeah, that's the biological fact. Why don't we, during these years,
focus on making a family bearing a family. And then after that, in
the end, when our children are all grown, and they don't even have to
be like, fully grown teenagers, right? You have more time for
yourself now to do those type of things. But for me, I always
stress that the first seven years, in fact, the first 14 years, it is
incredibly important for the mother to be invested in the
child's life. Because if you're not giving your child, there's
actually a term by John Malbaie. He calls it maternal deprivation,
right, which is basically, how a child is affected how his
cognitive development, development personality is affected by the
lack of maternal depreciation. And what I've noticed is that
there is a bond of trust that is created between the mother and the
child, or even the mother and the parent and the child and the
parents be particularly the mother and the child, because the mother
spends more time with the child mother is more nurturing this
bond, right? If it's not created with the mother, particularly in
the first seven years,
it will be created with whoever else you leave in the care of your
child, you leave your child in the care of, so if it's the school
system, if it's a nanny, if it's a caretaker, whoever it is, that is
not you, that child will create this bond, it's kind of like a
survival mode, it has to create a bond with someone, and whoever it
is that is spending time with this child, it's going to create the
bond, the people can say, Okay, well, that's okay, that's great.
It's not great. I'll tell you why. First of all, this is your child,
right? This is your child who should grow up to trust you. And
particularly in the West, where there's a lot of, you know, like,
daycare centers, and you as soon as possible, you're getting your
child into the education system. Right? Now, your child from it's
very young, is creating this bond of trust with the education
system. And we know particularly in the West, the education system
is indoctrinating these children with a lot, a lot of bad things,
and it's getting worse and worse and worse. And so now your child
has created this bond of trust with the education system, because
you've thrown the child and the education system when you're so
young. Right? And when the child begins to question, right, and it
begins to ask questions, particularly in terms of the deen
and begins to question God, and it begins to question certain things
that is thumb prohibits and doesn't prohibit, or, for example,
it comes to you, and it questioned our existence, where do we come
from evolution, things like that. And you say, no, no, we are
created by Allah. And the child's gonna say, that's not what we
taught at school. And you can say, can you believe the school I'm
telling you this? I'm your parents. The child is going to
without question, the child could believe you without question if it
created the bond of trust with you, but it's going to believe the
education system without question over you, because it created the
bond of trust with the education system, and not you. And
if it gets added, not only with the education system, right, if
it's a nanny, if the caretaker, whoever you, when you leave your
child in the care of someone else, and you lose on the opportunity of
creating this bond of trust, then your child is going to trust
anybody, and believe everybody, over you. And this is why I stress
so much on the fact that even if you have to I know I understand
that. Sometimes you don't have a choice, you have to go out there,
get
food on the table, but there's always going to be a price to pay.
And that's why even for mothers who have to work, always spend,
you've got to you've got to really hustle to spend time with your
children. And for those mothers and there's so many different jobs
that women can do remote work and things like that. If you want to
go just beyond the bare minimum that your husband is providing for
you, right, this is going to the initial topic that we were on.
Yeah, do something that will without a shadow of a doubt. Not
sacrifice your relationship with your children. It will not
sacrifice, your motherhood and your it will not sacrifice your
wife
Yeah, you
No, no 100%
I think is interesting actually, because one of the things that
I've noticed when I, because I have this terrible habit of
watching these terrible shows where women call up and they say
the kind of man that they're looking for, and lots of single
moms on there. And it's interesting to me that, you know,
these single moms will talk so much about how they're studying,
they're working, they're, you know, they're doing this, they're
doing that they're like, you know, to show, I'm handling it, right.
But I see this question coming up again, and again, which is like,
okay, while you're studying, and working and running your business
on the side and your side hustle, who is raising these kids, right,
who is raising your children, right? Because that's not a part
time job. Unless you're outsourcing it, right. And if
you're outsourcing motherhood, then what you're saying is that
there is a price to be paid, right? There's a price to be paid
when we outsource motherhood, and we know that and guys, other
things that you should know is, if you read any dystopic literature,
any dystopian fiction that you can think of 1984 Brave New World, any
one of them, what do they do with the children? The first thing they
do is they destroy the bond between a parent and a child,
right? This is what you were saying. They create an
alternative, they outsource the parenting to something that is
state sponsored, so that the child can be fully indoctrinated in
whatever the state wants them to believe. Right. And that's
something that you know, we should all bear in mind, especially for
most of us not living in a place where you know, our iman is
supported. You don't want to be in that situation. So Bosma says, I
was raised by a stay at home mom, my sisters, don't we need Muslims,
this is in teaching and Health Professions. This, you know that
we need sisters to be working right in certain areas, certain
some of the majority, like necessary, and some of them is
halal. The question here, I think is more a case of we're not going
to go to the other extreme and say, no sisters should ever be
educated or work. No one's saying that. What we're doing right now
is we're trying to bring it back to a balanced position, because
the pendulum has swung the complete opposite way. So the
pendulum has swung two sisters should be all in university
sisters, all should be getting masters, she should all be
working. And I noticed this that I'm sure you're aware that there
are many sisters who complain that families, especially families, not
so much men, but families and certain communities. If you don't
have a degree, and you're not working and bringing an income,
they're not interested. It's like no, that's, you know, we want a
girl who's going to bring something to the table.
It's kind of become like a standard, like, yeah, it's like
she has to be like this. She has not a cook, she knows how to
clean. And then she has a degree it's like in the list of marriage.
What is it called? What would you look for in marriage, and one of
them has like a degree. And I've actually seen this quite a lot.
But I wanted to mention one thing the sister mentioned,
for these women in health and teaching and things like that,
like I said before, why don't the women who have already had
children, and then have time now we can use those women in society,
they can now come out in the society and, you know, put the
energy out in the society, we are mainly speaking about the mothers
who are young, they have young children, they need to take care,
somebody has to take care of the children, you can't be taking care
of the society and not taking care of your children. How's that work.
And also, there was also a point that somebody made there how the
workplace was not designed for women, it was actually a very,
very good point. Because from a physiological perspective, the
workplace was made to fit the male 24 hour testosterone site. For us
women, we run on a 28 day cycle, or mono, we run on a 28 day
hormonal cycle, which includes our menstrual cycle, which is
basically our menstrual cycle. The men have a similar cycle, except
it is day. And it is oh, the same. Right? knew that. Yeah. And
they have. It's the same every day. Right? In the morning, the
testosterone levels fluctuates, right? And then it gradually
declines during the day for us as women every week, we have
different fluctuations. I mean, what we have like five hormones
specifically to do with reproduction, right, and those are
fluctuating throughout the month. And so some weeks we are active.
Other days, we are not so active, our hormonal system, our
physiology, and these hormones that we produce, right? The same
for men. It affects the way our stress management, our
productivity, and so it's different for men than it is for
women. And so the one place was essentially
is me
The workplace was essentially created to suit it was designed
for this male offspring cycle thing, right. And so when we bring
in women in now,
nobody really took the time to kind of make it suitable for the
woman's physiology. And that's why so many women go into the
workforce, and they're just so exhausted. So much reproductive
issues, so much mental issues, from our new problems that women
are experiencing, and they can't really, you know, talk about it, I
mean, menstrual pain and things like that. And
woman, for that, anybody. Nobody wants to hear that. No.
They're just taking painkillers and birth control. And that's not
actually solving the problem. Right, I've actually been on a
journey now of painless periods, which is I didn't know it was a
thing, right. And so what I found is that the society, the
environment affects us. And to such an extent that today, it's a
pandemic, every woman, you know, as they've complained about
robbing instead of actually going to the root of the problem to
solve it, which is, they're just giving us birth control and more
title, and all these, we're just numbing it down. And that women in
the workforce particularly, and I've heard a woman who left the
workforce, and they felt much more peace, because they're not in the
workforce. First of all, aside from it being created for the,
against our physiology, it also made against our our
energy, as women, our feminine energy, our nature, because you
have to go out into the workforce. And now it's, it's a fight, it's a
hustle, you got to be fighting, you got to be competing with that
you need masculinity for that. And whether you like it or not, you're
gonna go into the workforce and you're good.
We've got that's it we've got the Boss Babes, you've got the boss
chicks. And you know what I'm gonna I want to go to this idea
worked. And I want to bring in two other guests because this is huge,
right? This is, this is time for us to get busy. But I want to
thank for the 1999 Super Chat to Zach allow Hayden guys keep those
super chats coming. We love them. Bismillah it Fidella you can do
PayPal, you can do buy me a coffee, actually, last livestream
martial arts about UCLA, you guys bought me so many coffees, I was
so so grateful, because I can allow credit and all of you, and
all the super chats as well. So I'm going to bring in our two
here. And I'm going to bring this up for us to discuss. But I want
to say that for me, one of the things I found to be so crazy when
I look at any clips from reality TV nowadays, is how many women
will when they are defending themselves, or when they want to
make a point we'll say I'm a boss B, I'm an FM boss B, you know, and
it's this this energy of like, Don't f with me, I'm an effing
boss B. And I'm like, sis, and this can be in a relationship.
Somebody could say to their, to their partner at you know,
basically, I'm the boss be around here, you know, and I'm like, This
is so strange to me, for women to be speaking in this way, and to be
presenting themselves in this way. But hey, what do I know? That's
the girl boss energy, right? That's the girl boss energy.
That's the masculine is out there. So let's talk about this. Whenever
the conversation turns to Muslim women and working there is a
segment of the population that says her deja Radi Allahu anha was
a businesswoman. She was a wealthy businesswoman. She was a boss bae.
Okay. And she provided this and this and this. So who are you to
regress and make this Deen regressive and say that women
Muslim women shouldn't be working. I don't want to say anything on
this. I want to invite our new panelists to come in and chime in
on the issue of Khadija Radi Allahu anha being a boss, babe,
with all due respect.
Who would like to go first? Or the Ismail or Muhammad?
As you please?
You unmuted first I think we have to give it to you in sha Allah.
Okay.
The thing that sisters, first of all, so the Maliko the thing that
sisters conveniently forget about traditional ulana.
First of all, she's amongst the four best women in the OMA. She's
amongst the four best women in paradise.
She ran her business from a distance. She never worked was on
the markets with men dealing with business. She always had people
working for her, amongst them the Prophet Muhammad Ali, South Sudan.
And that's how they got to know each other because he was working
for her.
And when she became
him his wife.
He became the authority. And she had his children. And she raised
the children in the home. And she was
she was sent the good news of a place in Jana, where there is no
noise. Complete silence. You know why? Because when the Prophet
Mohammed II, South Sudan, came to the home, he found peace and
silence.
If you tell them,
when you tell me, she had her own business, okay, that's okay.
Nowadays, we got internet, you can have your own business. But are
you willing to provide me with the same things that she provided me,
if you are going to invoke her name, I'm going to say invoke, I
mean, like, use her name as an argument.
And most of them are not, because they're just using it to to get
their weights.
The issue is more of a macro issue. And when I say macro, what
I mean is, it's the bigger picture. And nowadays, we have
found the limits of life in the West. Life is life in the West is
not sustainable anymore. I have brothers who made his way to
Morocco. And in Morocco, they are living on a, you know, 700 800
Euro salary. The wife is not working, they're the only ones
working. And they're living a very decent life Loma Bedich.
And so the model of society over there is different. Even though
it's becoming westernized, they're not living the nine to five life,
they have time to go to the masjid, they work more in the
mornings, then they work in the afternoons, the cycles are
different, like Sister where Wilde was talking about the cycles, the
cycles are different.
And we have to adapt our lifestyle to our D. And what we're doing
right now is we are adapting our deen and the things we shouldn't
be doing for ourselves and our families, to the western
lifestyle, which has found its limits.
So nowadays, everybody got to work, two incomes and not even
enough anymore.
In the West, you know, women got to work even if they don't want
to.
Because one income is not sufficient.
The cost of living is just so high, everything is pushed towards
individualism. Everything is pushed towards
Xena mixing free mixing. Men and women dealing with each other
women becoming more masculine. Men becoming more feminine is just not
sustainable for us as Muslims.
If we come back to the community, if we come back to Islam, if we
come back to the way of life that we're supposed to have,
that there's going to be a community of even if a woman is
Doctor, she's a gynecologist is whatever, right? It's going to be
on TV, there's going to be the grandma, there's going to be the
neighbors, we're going to be raising this little girl,
or this little boy, and then this little boy is going to be with the
uncles is going to be with the men. We need the community, not
just the family.
To get the community we need to all get around the society
that has a society model that is more sustainable for us. Does that
make sense? Yeah, no, absolutely makes sense. And this one thing I
want to mention as well on this point, I mean, the comments are
amazing here, guys. So mashallah keep them coming.
Are that in a situation where everybody is pushed to work, and
everybody either wants to work or is compelled to work? Even the
situation that you described becomes unsustainable, because who
are these aunties that are at home? Who are these grandmother's
at home? Even I'm thinking in terms of in the next generation,
unless we put the brakes on now, in the next generation, there will
be no aunties at home, there will be no, you know, grannies at home.
Because if you think about it, if you look at the workings this
span, okay, where and the thing is, what I'm seeing is a lot. And
again, I don't know where this comes from. I'm not saying this as
a criticism. I'm just saying this is something that we've seen is
that women feeling I have to rely on myself. I have to have
something for myself in case, he divorces me, my husband dies, you
know, I'm left on my own, I have to have something for myself,
right. And women also feeling that it is normal and correct for them
to provide for themselves, and actually prefer to provide for
themselves than to rely on a man to provide for them, right. So
what that does is we've basically signed up to look after ourselves
for the rest of our lives.
right until we reach 65, or whatever the case may be, and that
has a huge impact on the choices we make. What we say yes to what
we say no to who we say yes to who we say no to what we agree what
we, you know, don't agree to. And this is something that I'd like us
to talk about and be aware of, because it seems to make sense.
Why would I rely on anybody else, I should rather make sure that I'm
okay and that I can rely on myself and I won't be a burden on anyone
else. But the point is that a society is made up of
interdependent beings, right? A community is made up of
interdependent beings. If we don't rely on each other, we don't have
a community now we've just got individuals out here living their
best lives doing whatever they want to do. Or Mohammed, please
jump in, sis, sorry. You've been waiting so long, so patiently.
What are your thoughts? What would you like to contribute?
Hello, Salam aleikum? Can you hear me? I like him. Salam? Yes, we can
hear you. Hi, I'm just wondering, you know, talk about most of the
time, it's actually family members who kind of, you know, make the
sisters feel bad for staying home? Yeah. They say for example, you
know, I had that situation with my mother. And she was like, What are
you doing home? Put the child in nursery, you know, you can always
depend on your husband, you know, so on and so forth. Assisting even
though I was very content,
you know, being a stay at home mom this while I wanted to do my child
in nursery. Yeah.
Mad. Isn't that mad? Do you guys find that to be the case? Across
the board? Do you think families are also part of this issue? What
do you think?
If I may do
it for a second? Because she cut off? Um,
I think the reason everything that you mentioned was absolutely true.
100%. But I think we have to focus on the reason.
Most women think I mean, they grow up thinking that they have to rely
on themselves, because they were indoctrinated into that. And the
sad part is that some of them are born into Muslim families. And you
got Muslim fathers, this is what bugs me out the most fathers
telling their daughters, baby, work in school,
get your degrees, as many of them as you can, so that you will never
depend on the man. The Father is saying that. Wow. And then
they have examples going up. You think women need 100 examples to
have confirmation bias, not three or five, seven at the most.
And they will you will get if you're looking for five examples
of men being unreliable. And they're responsible and leaving
their children children behind or, you know, putting their wives in
the best situation, you will find those five examples in your life I
can't find in my life you can find in your life. And just the
neighbor that the stories that you've heard second, third, fourth
hand experience, you will hear about this. So you will get
confirmation bias to realize Oh, nowadays, there's no men. Oh,
nowadays, you can count on me nowadays.
It's risky to count on me. Oh, I know plenty of sisters. She knows
three. I know plenty of sisters who got left and they got
divorced. And they had nothing to show for and they didn't have
degrees so they can work. And yeah. And so is the fear
mongering, growing up. That's like 2025 years of indoctrination.
Of you cannot count on men.
And now we have to as men, acting like real men taking care of our
families. We have to prove that to woman and she's always watching as
men, we just meant we are going to mess up. We're going to make
mistakes. We are going to fumble. We are going to have our own
trials own
tests from Allah. If I lose my job tomorrow,
are you going to be the one that's supporting me and telling me don't
worry about it? Or stay with you no matter what. Just go out there
and look for artists and we're gonna pray together and we're
gonna wake up before measured and we're going to make dua, or you're
going to be the one looking at me like, Hey, did you go to this temp
work agent agency to look forward? Did you call this guy? And are you
are you going to act like that? And be by my best until I find
work? And then say, Oh, I knew it. I couldn't count on you.
Because I know brothers to whom I happen.
And they ended up getting a divorce years after Yeah. You
know, brother, as you say, you know, I'm sure as you know,
brothers who that's happened to I definitely know our sisters who
are married to men who they just
For whatever reason, emotional, mental family issues, whatever,
they just could not get it together. And they were happy to
stay in the government sponsored house, living off their wife's
paycheck. And it just was the situation like that's what it was.
And we've talked about this on previous live streams before, just
how that messes up the dynamic within the family. If you don't
have any leverage as a man, we've got issues mate, right, because
you as a man, you're going to want things done a certain way in your
house. But if it's not your house, in the sense that you didn't pay
for it, you're not actively working to keep it together and
providing you're at a disadvantage. And in the society
we live in today. That could mean that your wife looks at you one
day and says, you know, what, what, what exactly are you
bringing to the table? Oh, my goodness. So what what are your
thoughts, I just want to jump on this comment here. Just to
clarify, guys, where I think this is a brother who says, I'm not
sure what this picture is. But only wealthy woman could afford
not to work. In history, feminism began with the technological
advancement because women got bored. And we want to just
clarify, at this point, when we say women working, we should
probably be more careful with our language. What we mean is women
working in the workforce, okay, for a salary, not working, because
we know that whether you stay at home or you go out, you're
working, of course, back in the day, your work was more physical,
I would say nowadays, the work is more more intellectual is more
mental. So for example, you know, the the families that decide to
homeschool, for example, that's usually the mother who takes that
on board that work, right, because not only is she managing the
household, which still is a lot of work, even though hamdullah we
have appliances, and so many other things that make it easy, it still
is a lot of work to manage your home and to manage it well. Right.
Then you add homeschooling or Quran and heft and doing things
with the kids and keeping them busy. And you know, keeping them
focused and you know, all the rest of it is still is work. So we're
not saying stay at home do nothing or go out and work. That's not the
that's not the juxtaposition. All right, so Sr, why did you want to
jump in and what we were saying before?
Yeah, I wanted to speak about the,
the reason why we are such in such a predicament of on one hand woman
being told that they have to, you know, fend for themselves. And on
the other hand, you have men who are unable to go about what their
responsibilities as protectors and maintain us as a woman is such a
deep topic. But on one hand, we have mass emasculation of men,
right? From the deindustrialization. Right, where
we're in for, I've mentioned this in the last livestream, where
basically, men or young boys going into school, by the time they were
18, and they were graduating school, they already had skills
that could make they can make a living off, right? Today, it's
kind of like that pushed right into the their 20s. And it's like,
they're during the years where they are really most active and
innovative and all of that they're unable to really make a living
because their school, right and school has been stretched out. But
also from a ideological perspective, where there's been a
lot of programming in E masculine men, where masculinity in itself
is looked as toxic. Right. And then you have on the other hand,
just generally individualism, which is kind of playing queueing,
where everybody first thinks of themselves, and what you mentioned
on the in terms of, you know, community, how community is based
on interdependence, this is so integral, and this is something
that we have technically, put aside a society today, we don't
really care. And this is like, it goes back to what I was saying
earlier, we look at things from we're always looking at an
individualistic perspective, how this affects this person and how
this affects that person. We don't really look at it from a societal
level, how it affects the overall well being on the society. And so
now what has happened is you have men who have been emancipated, and
they're unable to go about with their roles as protected, they're
unable to protect their movement, they aren't able to provide for
their woman, and then women who are being told, Well, you have to
do it for yourself. Right. So instead of actually solving the
root of the problem, right, we are now nation. Yeah, exactly. And so
now what's happening is you have women who are they don't want to
rely on anyone, right? And men who, when they don't have anybody
to protect and to provide that
In an in of itself, that it is masculine to them even more that
they don't feel the need, you know? Because what do you know?
Can I just go? With? Sorry? Go on? No, no, go ahead. No, I just want
to say that what the what you're describing is, is is basically the
nihilism right? Of a a society in which men slash young men have no
stake in society, right? They have no role. And this is I think this
is this is the conversation happening in certain men spaces,
people like Jordan Peterson and cetera. Just talking about this,
the aimlessness of young men today, being tied to the fact that
they have been told again, and again, you are expendable, you're
not necessary. Nobody needs you around here. And we don't really
want you around here unless you can behave in this way, in this
way, in that way. Right.
And so it's like a double whammy, isn't it? Women are told, be
independent, be strong, be powerful, be a boss, babe, you
know, secure the bag. And men
then rubbed off? What would have been a primary driver for them. I
just want to bring us brother, is my able to come in on this one. Is
it true? In your opinion, and in your experience, that one of the
things that drives men to to achieve and to push and to do
more? Is the idea of building with a woman all because they have
dependents? Or is that just urban myths?
Okay.
It's interesting, because we talked about this with brothers.
It's, it's two things right? When you're married, and you don't have
kids, if you have a supporting wife, but in the real sense, like,
have a real supporting wife, a wife that like I told you in the
previous example, that is going to stay next to you and say this, and
Allah is the provider, you go out there you do everything that's
necessary. And we're going to make dua and
a woman like that, a brother will wake up at two in the morning
looking for.
And I know that for a fact.
When what when a woman is fully in her in their feminine role as a
wife,
in Yeah, we're gonna go out there and fight, anything that comes out
with anything, really anything.
And when we have kids, that depend on us, it's like,
brothers who have kids tell me about this feeling that it's
something you can never describe. Of, now I have to protect them
provide this just
now it's not about me, I don't exist anymore. You know, and, and
this is, this is true also. But what men yearn for is,
it's like, it's like your phone, right? When you, when it's the
nighttime, you're going to charge your phone. When you wake up in
the morning, the phone is fully charged. And you go in, use it
during the day. And then you charge it again. And that's us
men, and when we go out, we are fully charged.
Then we come home with almost no battery will be charged at the
home. So if we have a home, that depends on us, but that also is
helping us recharge it goes. Is those both compare those two
components?
Then yes.
That's that's the way it works is like, it's not about me anymore. I
don't care what happens to me. I don't care if I have problems at
work. I don't care if I have mental problems. Okay, if I have
physical problems, okay, if my back hurts. I don't care about
none of that. I gotta take care of my family.
And we need that. Let's be fair, we need that sentiment that we
want. We love it. We love to see it. And we need that.
We need that. Absolutely. It's refreshing to hear this.
Show a lot about a koala. So there's two things here. We need
that. So why don't I agreed that we need men to feel that way about
their families. Right? That's that's what we want to see. That's
what we need. Sister Anjali says though, what is wrong with a woman
being independent? Why do you want to just jump to that on that
question? And then we want to talk about this question. Do men feel
intimidated by Korea focus, we're in love the word intimidated.
Thank you, Brother Semyon says, What is anything wrong with a
woman being independent? What what's the big deal here?
Independent in what sense? Independent investor in the
workforce. You know, not a lot of woman. Not a lot of women benefit
from it. Right? A lot of women go into the workforce and they
realize this is not quite
and because of the economic system and the way the system has been
shaped, particularly after a lot of women flocked towards the
workforce is now you really you can't really get out, you're in.
And you're, you're practically staying in. A lot of women just
have to cope. Lots of women, there are some women who Yeah, they have
a little bit of, you know, some extra masculine energy, they can
really cope with it and everything. That's not a lot of
women who are like that. And I, I've dealt with networks of
sisters, right, I have a lot of sisters who contact me. And what I
hear from them is that, especially in the West, like I said, we don't
really have that type of problem here in the east, we don't have,
it's not a serious, serious problem like it is in the West,
and the West economic system is terrific. But anyway, a lot of
sisters who tell me they're not happy, you're independent, but
you're not happy. Because in the end, our nature, our fitrah is to
be
is to be protected and to feel taken care of. It is not in our
fitrah it is not in our nature, to
provide and to take that responsibility of going out into
the world, into the harsh, harsh world that is affecting our fitrah
and identity, right, you're going to burn out essentially, and
you're not going to do it as good as men are going to do it. And
that's the whole point is women can do what men can do, they can
never do it as good as men. And I was just saying earlier on today
on Twitter, we're having this discussion. And I was like, Yeah,
okay, women can go on and do everything a man can do. It does
not make them great woman. Because you cannot be great doing
something that you're not. You can be a great man want to be trying
to be like a man and trying to compete with the men in the
workforce. But you won't be a great woman because you cannot be
great in doing something that you're not. It's not a
contradictory statement. Fair enough. Fair enough. All right.
Let's get to the juicy stuff. Do men feel intimidated by Korea
focus women brothers smile? You're the man in the room. We're gonna
give it to you first and Sharla. And then I want to hear what you
have to say since the word and also guys in the chat right now.
Do men feel intimidated by Korea focused women? Give me your answer
in the chat. I will be highlighting the most interesting
ones. Go ahead, brother. I mean,
the short answer is no.
The problem we have as men is
I think for women to understand it, I need to flip it. So are you
intimidated by a man to has a quote unquote, male breed beauty
products in the home? Are you intimidated by a man that takes
care of his physical appearance a lot? Are you intimidated by a man
who
likes to cook?
Are you intimidated by a man that that
is better at cleaning the house than you?
Oh, no, you're hitting up their brother? No, no, no, no, no, they
don't fighting was these fights? This is Waking Up and choosing
violence. What do you mean? You were with you for a minute there
and then things got a bit a bit hectic. So what do you mean by
that? Come on. What's your what's your point? You see what I did
there? I hit a nerve. Right? Yeah, but why?
Because the queen of that. Okay.
Then this is how men feel.
It's like,
if you if you're trying to try to say
yeah, I can work for myself, I can provide for myself. I can cook, I
can clean
up my doing better than you.
This feeling that you have when I say
is the feeling that we have when you talk about it. And there are
many things Subhanallah we are opposite and similar at the same
time. I was telling a brother
You know, there was a my cousin wanted me to. She wanted me to
look at a sister and the sister I was not attracted to her.
And I feel guilty because
from what I know, she's a good person. She's a very good person
and she she's sincere towards Allah and all that. And I felt
guilty. I was like, man, you know, just for that detail. Now it's
like it's not a detail.
If a woman isn't around the house, getting ready for you and you're
ignoring her.
It's like you, she's telling you to open up a jar.
And you your hands are greasy. You want to open it you can't so you
grab a towel by the time you grabbed a towel. She's opening and
she's laughing at you.
I tell brothers that I said you know the feeling that you have
right there.
It is the film that she has when she's getting ready for you. And
she's getting in, you know.
And so
we have those things where we need to flip it. We are not intimidated
by women who make money, who are quote, unquote independent, even
if that doesn't mean anything, because you're dependent on your
boss. And if you're entrepreneur, you're dependent on your clients.
So you're dependent on somebody.
Right? Only animals, like sharks and snakes are independent. And
that the only thing they do is they grow. They go grab food on
their own, and come back. Don't build anything.
In the thing I need us to understand as Muslims is that we
need each other at soccer brothers all the time. I'm 30. I have a
brother. He's a 34. He's getting married. He actually got married.
This month. I broke he told me, bro,
go get married, get married, because we as men, we are nothing
without women.
It's not something that I'm going to go out and say just out in
public like that. Because pride, you know, but he's right. He's
right. We are nothing without women. Because women are nothing
without us. You know why? Because we build families to get.
So what is the point of saying I'm independent? Even though you're
not?
And saying I'm intimidating you? Which are words that have been
programmed to your head? Because you don't really know what that
means? Yeah. What is what is the point of saying that when when the
goal is to build
this is what this is the point that is being made martial law in
the comments, which is that it's not about being intimidated. So
this JB says they're intimidated, because they are more masculine
and competitive, but not from a place of envy, from a place of not
wanting to compete with their wife or deal with that masculine
energy. And I think that that's the what do you think of that? Do
you agree with that? Yeah, that's absolutely accurate.
Yeah, as a sister, what, what what do you what say to you,
you know, the whole independence thing. And I just love the fact
that it was mentioned that we are always dependent. So it's a
fallacy. You cannot be independent, as human beings, you
cannot be independent, you cannot live all by yourself all. And
that's the type of that the thing that's being pushed is if you're
out in the workforce, right? It's like, you being in your home,
Devon, your husband and your children isn't.
But you go out, and you serve your boss, and strangers. That's
empowerment. How does that work? As that makes sense, you're going
to be serving people anyway. In one way or another, you're going
to there's no such thing as being independent and all on your own
and a boss and all of that. No, you're going to be independent,
one way or another. And, you know, for example, sisters be like, Oh,
no, I have to work. Because if I stay at home, you know, you're
being provided by a husband, right? If I stay at home, what if
one day he dies? Or we get a divorce? or anything? I say the
same question. What if one day your boss fires you? What's gonna
happen, then he's gonna fight you just like that. You're gonna also
have to go and find some other way to make a living is the same. You
see, the point is, we have this idea that that's the solution go
out into the workforce, go be a boss. That is the solution. It's
not the solution is that you're going to find yourself in the same
problems.
is the way you deal with the problems. What is the solution
that you're going to find these problems? Independence doesn't
exist. I just put that on the table. Because many of us we think
it is.
Yeah.
Agreed. Agreed. And I think the the focus here is, you know, how
can we be interred interdependent in a more productive way, in a
healthier way? Right? Because at some point or another, you know,
none of us is an island, right? Every one of us is going to need
somebody or some, you know, like, it's just crazy. It's crazy. This
individualist push is just crazy to me. You've says, Why do women
get so bitter and rude when they focus on their careers and
education as impossible to put up with and live with no serenity?
And may I offer an answer here? I think it has to do with the
masculine programming that we have through the education system,
coming up through primary, secondary school, and then up into
university and in the in the workforce. You are bred into your
most competitive self, your most masculine self, right. And as I've
said before, on this platform, you know, for those of us who have
invested blood, sweat and tears into our education goes work hard
at school, like girls work
very hard at school and they want to do well. So those girls who got
top GCSE us who've got top A levels, they are very proud of
that. Okay, it's a huge part of their sense of self worth, and
achievement and accomplishment, right? When they go into
university, if they get into their top choice University,
I worked hard for this, this is a huge part of who I am. And you
know, my worth as a person, if they do well, in their degree, if
they get a good job, all of these we are taught are a part of who we
are, okay, it's your it becomes your identity. Now, the problem
is, you've been bred to see yourself as this student as this,
you know, star student, star, pupil, you know, top achiever,
whatever, all of the things right, that you're competing for, in your
masculine but not realizing it. And then you come into a
relationship with a man or in a meeting or a sit down or something
like that. Which self Do you think you are going to put forward?
Of course, the one you're proudest of,
if you talk about who you are, you're going to put your
achievements out there, because that's a huge part of now who you
are you this is who you have become right? You get to
2324 2527, you've been through, you know, the the degree program,
you've had the masters or you've made a certain amount of money, or
you bought your own house, or you bought your own car, the society
teaches you that these are the milestones, these are the
achievements. These are the things that make you better than other
people that make you stand out. Right, you've achieved your
potential. So it's very confronting, I'm sure. When women
come into a situation where there's a man who's looking for a
wife, and she brings all these accomplishments to the table. And
the man looks at that says, okay, yeah, that's cool. But like, what
do you have to offer when I was a wife? And then she's like, he
doesn't see me. He doesn't appreciate me. He's a misogynist.
Oh, he's a chauvinist. He's a sexist, you know, he doesn't value
who I am. He doesn't like me for my mind. And it's just like a bowl
moment, where she realizes that, okay, this is who I've seen myself
as this is who I've been taught to see myself as, but I don't cut it
when it comes to being a wife, because some people have mentioned
on this platform of hope. And I haven't heard anybody combat this
is that in that fight, that you fought to get the degrees to get
the money to do achieve all these amazing things? You develop
certain personality traits, right? You develop certain personality
traits, like stick with it Ness, like determination, like, you
know, hardheadedness, you know, being disagreeable negotiating,
arguing, basically, you're in your competitive masculine, right. And
if a man sees that, for most of the men that we talk to anyway,
when they're being honest, that's not what they're looking for, in a
wife. They don't want a wife to argue with. They don't want a wife
to butt heads with, they don't want a wife to go toe to toe with
them. They don't want a wife to and it is so funny, because we've
been programmed to want a man who doesn't exist. Rob, this is crazy
to me, right? Because when most women when they're talking, and
that you ask them about their ideal guy, he's a man who doesn't
exist. He is this man who is basically your biggest fan. And
what he loves about you is what you love about yourself. Does that
make sense as to why just you know what I mean? When I say that, what
you what you want this guy who just, he just loves you the way
you talk about yourself, everything you love so much about
yourself. That's what he loves to and he wants everything you have.
And he doesn't want anything that you don't have, right? You don't
want any any qualities or anything that you don't already possess.
That's your dream guy. That's your ideal mate. That's your soulmate.
And, unfortunately, what was the feedback we're getting from the
men in general and from the others is that? Nah, bro, that's not what
I'm looking for, like that guy you're talking about does not
exist. What do you think of that?
A first class degree does not make you a first class white as well. A
lot of women don't understand. You can be good in the in the outside
world. How is that degree going to help you at home?
How is that going to help you as a white it could help you we have an
understanding to help you as a mother as a wife in your
relationship with your husband. Last time I checked, we were not
learning about gender dynamics and relationships and we were not
being mentored at school. That's not what we have certificates on.
Right? Nothing to do with relationships. And so you get into
a relationship and you think that your degrees is going to help you
is not it's not going to make you a first class wife. Nope.
For the smile will say to you today
So
first of all, I want to say Allama Bedich. That was bars. And second
thing I want to say is, it actually happened to me twice. So
it's gonna make me look really bad. But
back when I was indulging in talking with women,
it's not like I was talking with 1000s of women, but the word to
really wanted to marry me.
But that's,
that's the problem.
I became like, the more I'll let them be who they are.
The more I was faced with a choice, there was a really, it was
it was a tough choice, because it was either leave or stay and be
more, be less masculine, therefore more feminine. Because the,
the way it works with those women, one woman has a PhD and the other
has a master's degree.
And
they're great girls. And, you know, there were things that I
could not handle, but I'm gonna get, I'm not gonna get into that.
But the thing was,
it was crazy, because there's this dichotomy where they admired me
for certain qualities that I may have.
They really admired me and they were really complimenting me all
the time and all that. But at the same time,
they wanted
a relationship and they wanted it to be the way they wanted. And
they wanted me to follow their plan, and they want to be to be on
their program.
And I felt I felt bad. I felt like I felt constricted. I felt like,
you know, they were trying to turn me into the woman. As a matter of
fact, I told that to one of those sisters. And she started crying.
She was like, No, that's absolutely not true. That's not
what I'm doing.
They don't even realize they're doing but but the masculine T the,
the masculine energy that helped them go through the degrees, go
through all the trials and tribulations to get those degrees.
Because it was tough.
It they, they could have helped bring that energy. everywhere they
went
yeah, it's upon Allah 100% Oh, my goodness, Sister word. Let's let's
let's round this off the comments as always, just an amazing huge
part of the show brother Ismail, thank you for that, for sharing
with us. Inshallah, honestly, as you always do, I think we've all
and the thing is,
I want to say, really, from a place of, of empathy. I get it. I
understand why women slash sisters do this. And again, it's like
sisters with high standards, right? Or with a like a long
laundry list of things that they want. The older they get, the
longer the list gets, I get it. Because
there's two things here. One is we want I want anyway, it's just a
word, I'm sure you're with me on this and you're the sisters,
whoever else is on here. We want sisters who have a healthy sense
of self worth, right? My healthy sense of, of, of confidence in how
Allah has created them. Right. And the gifts that Allah Tala has
given them and and the, you know, the ability to believe in
themselves and their ability to do whatever it is they want to do,
right? No one is taking away from that. I think for me, what becomes
really sad is how we've been sold a faulty bill of goods. And we
along with all women in the world who have been taught, you know,
the feminist to look at the world through a feminist lens is we've
been sold a faulty bill of goods, right we've been told to be away
to do things to say things to want things to work for things that are
not in our best interests for dunya or Phil akhira and we've
been told that we can do that and not pay any price no consequences
hot girls summer no consequences right self love someone without a
fee no consequences you know in you know, rack up 10s hundreds of
1000s of dollars in debt in student loans and everything like
that. Look consequences right? Dedicate yourself to your to your
studies and your career and and put off committing to one man I'm
gonna say that specifically because when
People are typically kind of out there, they are not st celibate,
right? They're not keeping themselves chaste. They're out
there. And they're doing what they do with the whoop, whoop, and the
boop boop, right? So no consequences though you can do
that it's no problem, you'll still be able to find a man when you're
ready. And you're going to find the man who fits you, the one who
loves you the way you are, you know, the one who only wants what
you have to give and which out of all of this stuff, right? So this
faulty bill of goods is something that we have been sold. And I
still see sisters trying to hold on to that, trying to make it
real. And right now, what's happening? Is this this big clash,
right, where men I think, specifically Muslim men are
feeling confident enough to say, actually, no, I think there was a
time when brothers kind of were on the backfoot because it was like
maybe the way that Imams were talking or the way that the
cultural narrative was, you know, brothers had to kind of, you know,
play it down. But now brothers are openly saying, No, that's not what
we want. No, we don't care about that. And it's causing people to
lose their minds. Because like, What do you mean? Everything I
believe doesn't it's not true? You mean to tell me Khadija wasn't
this boss paid? me tell me you know, that lovely thing that they
like to say, Oh, how the Hadiya was like a businesswoman and a
boss, babe. And the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim was her
employee.
Take that, you know, and it's like, dude, you've got no context
here of how hola hola them but anyway, let me stop talking
because we want to finish this live stream guys put those super
things and those super chats up there, fling them up, we've only
had one this show which is not like you at all. Mashallah. So if
you're benefiting from the content, if people have been
dropping bars and being amazing guests, please do show your
appreciation with your coffees and your super thanks. And your super
chats in Sharla. Sister word give us the parting word says.
In the end, in the end, when we discuss these types of problems,
we are never attacking certain individuals who find themselves in
situations unwillingly, we are trying to spread awareness in
order to make a change to the system that has put all of this in
place. And I'm very happy, like you said, Men are starting to wake
up. And that's a good thing. Many things, many people think it's a
bad thing. But there's a lot of problems underlying problems. It's
coming from both the cultural and western sides. That so we need to
unpack it. And the first step to causing a change is to discussing
it. A lot of women feel attacked when we come and we speak about
this, when I come in, I say you have to stay at home with your
children, at least for some time, an adequate amount of time in
order to create the bond of trust, they feel threatened by it. I am
not attacking you. I'm not saying I know it's hard, you have to go
out there, you're doing a great job as a mother. But that does not
take away from the fact that if you're not with your child, you're
going to sell that bond of trust, whoever you putting your child in
the care of, is always a price to pay. And so what society has said
is it's okay,
to all these problems, okay? We don't need to discuss the
problems. We don't need to find solutions to the problems, it's
okay, just the way it is. And even hear it from an individualistic
perspective where you are amazing, just the way you are. You don't
need to change yourself. Even though we as human beings, we're
always constantly in need of improvement. So when you're always
hearing that everything's okay, there's no problem. And that's the
point. We've always been told that everything is okay. System is
everything is just everything's okay. You don't have to worry
about it. Now, when people are starting to realize it's a problem
with the system. There's a problem with society. There's a problem
with individuals, and there's a problem with feminism. I mean,
we've always been told that feminism was empowerment, and it
was okay. And it was the craziest thing that's happened to a woman,
when you're being told that that's wrong. That's not the way it is.
They begin to feel threatened. Because they've always been told
that this was okay, that that's the way it is. But what we are
trying to do now is to recognize these problems, and to go against
the society that is actually benefiting from these problems.
And to say that, look, we're not touching you individuals, but we
are causing a change that will essentially, if we are discussing
these things and able to make a change, you will benefit from
that. The first step is to take that accountability and to not
justify it. Lots of women, even men, justifying it don't justify
these problems. That's the custom that's fine solution solutions to
these problems. Most of all, that defeat individualism and work as a
community together. And the only way that we will be able to
actually
NATO changes when we and this is why I love it when like minded
people come and discuss things, because now we are coming
together. Now we are actually wanting to make a change by
joining hands were much more powerful, the more that we are for
all of those woman. My biggest advice is number one. Number one,
do not have home phobia. Do not fear the home, do not let society
tell you that the home is your worst enemy, that you will never
be happy in the home. Because the workforce isn't any better. Yeah,
I'm not gonna say that the home is heaven. Right? Yeah, it comes with
pain and struggles. But that was something that you could actually
cope with that you can actually bear a look at it you that way.
You made us as woman nurturers. And so to abandon that, and then
to go into the workforce, because that's what society said was okay,
then you reach 40 and 50. And you want a child, you want a family,
because that's in your nature, and you sit down and you realize,
today, and that's the problem. A lot of women and sister Nerima I'm
sure you know, this woman realize way too late, what they really
want, and always in tune with their fitrah because I always say
that in the petrol, the I mean, the trip is self evident, even in
deviance, the truth is self evident. So what is the in the
deviance of women abandoning the nature and abandoning motherhood
and degrading it, they realize later on that they actually want
to be mothers, they actually want men they actually want to be taken
care of. And it's
because of all the other woman. And so before you fall for that,
take a step back sisters, and realize, and also, another thing I
want to say, when you're looking at feminism, look from a social
perspective, also the permanent anomic perspective, who is
benefiting? You know, capitalists are not benefiting from a woman
sitting at home working. And I mean, sitting at home and taking
care of their children. They want the children into the schools, so
that they can raise them to go back into the corporate work. And
then they have the men and the woman in the corporate work as
well. So they have them both the men and women, that's double the
taxes, and they lower down on the wages, because there's no more in
demand jobs is a whole lot of people come to the jobs. So the
wages aren't so much anymore. And then they have children here. A
whole lot of children are growing up. Right? And this is a whole in
depth topic that we can get into some other day. But what I'm
saying is, understand that it's not always what's best for you.
What's beneficial for you, what's the fight he gives to you, you
have scrutinized and you especially Western society, many
times it's all about the self.
No 100% sisters like a local look here. Thank you so much. Sorry
about that cutting off there. Thank you for the $10 Super Chat,
masha Allah, does Zack allow Hayden? Just want to dress this
point before we close out? feasor says many celibate working
studying women out there. Please don't promote this narrative
system. No, no, no, no. I know full well, my apologies if it
didn't seem to be the case. My analysis was on a macro level for
society in general, right. And also what is being encouraged?
celibacy is not being encouraged. You know, being chaste is not
being encouraged. And I know that there are brothers and sisters who
managed to hold it down and who do study and work and don't indulge
in Zina. The shame the part that is sad is that although mashallah
Tabata Cola, yes, those of you who've managed to hold out, you
know, because we know is that it's brothers if you're on, you know,
these apps. So if you're meeting people for marriage, I'm sure you
have met 40 Year Old Virgin sisters, I'm sure you have. I
don't just I don't discount that. It's just such a shame that those
fertile years were not put to better use. And this quarter at
the end of the day, if this is what we have to cope with. This is
the quarter, however, and so I don't want anyone to take it
personally. It just is what it is, right. But what we do on this
channel is we have these conversations so that we can make
choices differently moving forward. So we can look at our
kids and the way we encourage our kids to move forward. And I
remember on one of the lives with Brother NASA Remember guys, I
broke down the stages of how we can reverse the negative trends.
One of them was firstly, taking ourselves to account, right taking
ourselves to account first, What decisions did we make why? Which
of them were sound decisions that we would make again and which were
a mistake? Because we make mistakes, right? Every single one
of us we're going to make mistakes and some of us are going to pay
dearly for those mistakes. That's life. It is what it is. No one's
here.
to shame you, because it ain't nobody perfect around here, not
one of you, not one of me, not one of my guests, nobody. But what we
get to do here is we get to own our mistakes, we get to hold
ourselves accountable. And we get to take the wisdom from that
lesson. Because for sure, there was a lesson in everything, right?
There was absolutely a lesson in everything. But if you don't learn
the lesson, then it was a wasted opportunity. And if we don't teach
anybody, if we don't pass it on, if we don't make this something
that other people can learn from, then of course, they're going to
make the same mistake and we don't want that. Right. We want to see
change moving forward, we want people who have been listening to
these talks, who've been thinking about these topics to insha, Allah
insha Allah start to move differently in their own lives and
also, you know, look at how they do things with their children,
right? So in sha Allah, hopefully that will be beneficial. Lots more
stuff coming up in the chat, but we are not going to address this
today. Okay, guys, so I will see you in my next live candid
conversations is going to be on Friday night in sha Allah. So I
look forward to seeing you all there. Please come with your
comments with your concerns with your suggestions. And be sure to
like this video on your way out and subscribe to the channel. If
you haven't, we will see you on Friday night in sha Allah to my
sister word brothers smile and everybody else who jumped on to
Zack Mala cooler head, you guys made it lit as always.
I'm going to close out with an Australian accent for that sister
Fiza who gave the Super Chat sister fighter who's gave a super
chat because I'm going to Australia next month in sha Allah
so we are have a women's conference that I'll be speaking
at, in Melbourne and Sydney. So the details of that will be on
YouTube this week. But if you are in Melbourne or Sydney or you have
people in Melbourne or Sydney make sure that they don't miss the
salam conference next month in sha Allah. So now we're going to close
out a big Salaam Alaikum to every one of you came over here. Thanks
made you made it amazing. You always make an amazing we love
you. We'll see you on Friday Night A Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi
Wabarakatuh