Naima B. Robert – TMC E4 Clip Things that Muslim Families Need To Remember About Polygamy
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of open conversations and being open to receive conversations, particularly in relation to the topic of marriage. They also touch on the topic of "monarchs" and the difficulty of finding honest conversations in public settings. The conversation touches on the importance of having a conversation and being open to receive conversations, as it is crucial for building successful relationships. The speakers also emphasize the need for resources for practicing religion and the importance of women in marriage.
AI: Summary ©
So, two things to keep in mind is one is to have the conversation.
Be open enough to discuss it, have the conversation, be open up to
receive the conversation. And also that brothers know they say, Okay,
have a conversation. Well, how do I start it? I'm gonna do it. Let's
blame it on us.
Party is third. You had it, guys. Okay? You had coaching of the
year. If you want to have a conversation about polygyny,
you're not sure how to broach it with the wife. Just blame coaching
her there and coaching. I love I love it.
Okay, so for families who are currently
thinking about growing the family, you know, marrying again, for
people who are in polygynous marriages right now, what would
you say as a collective are some things to remember whether from
whoever's point of view, whether it's the man who's contemplating
it, whether it's the wife, who is seeing her husband, or having a
conversation with her husband about this? Or the other woman who
is you know, considering entering that family, or families who are
you know, already in that situation? What are some things
that they should remember things to bear in mind? Well, here's the
thing, one of the reasons we formed, it started out outstanding
personal relationships.com. And our YouTube channel is to provide
those resources that we didn't have, you know, when we look to
our spiritual leaders, whether it be the Imams and everything else,
they can tell us the fit of marriage, they can tell us that do
do this, do that type stuff. But what must be there? Well, let's
not, let's say, when it comes to the emotional maturation, they
don't get that we get some basic hygiene, which do have wisdom, but
you have to seek it out yourself. It's not something that's okay. So
one of the things is to understand that there are many different
dynamics. So that's why I like it first goes to our YouTube channel,
you'll see well over 100 videos, coming from many different things
that you're not really gonna find on YouTube that as the use of our
video,
you will come across have never seen it never heard it talked
about just on a different level. So one, understand that there are
many different dynamics to also understand that the man is the one
who is listening.
Okay, the one question, I'm wives don't practice religion, yet. We
are part of a polygynous dynamic, but I'm the one who actually
practices. So the wisdom they'll tell you shortly what's a mind
what some of their investors already know. But as a man, a
couple of different things. One is that right now, a lot of the
things you'll hear Assad is so woman female centric, that show
masculinity is not toxic.
Or being assertive or being aggressive when Tata needs to be
it's like, we want you to just simply be a woman with peace.
That's not all we are. Men are differently women.
And a normal man with 10 times the testosterone level of women is a
normal man. As normal, we have to understand what's real. So two
things to keep in mind is one is to have the conversation. Be open
enough to discuss it, have the conversation, be open up to
receive the conversation. And also the brothers know because they say
okay, after conversation. Well how do I start it? I'm gonna do it.
Let's blame it on us.
Party is third. You had it guys. Okay, you had coaching of the
year. If you want to have a conversation about polygyny,
you're not sure how to broach it with the wife just blame coaching
her there and coaching Island.
This is real simple. Here's the line. Scrolling on YouTube script.
This covers polygyny. Once you think about how to watch,
you sit back and go oh
well, we coach
you have like an onboarding playlist,
to the videos to watch to have the conversation. He's not even home,
he might be in traffic, this fire one off and he's like, You talking
about your life and
you gotta open up the conversation, right?
You'll take it, it's okay. That's, that's That's your job.
Okay, so I'll hold on. I just want to just dig a little bit deeper
here because
I hear you on the kind of the female centric, current dynamic.
And again, I think that the you know, the conversation in the
public space amongst Muslims is very first wife centric, actually,
very emotional and first wife centric. There's a narrative about
polygyny that centers on the first wives experience
And I know that
from hearing men speak, it's almost as if there isn't clear
conversation and honest conversation about polygyny in
terms of the benefits and the well, I don't know, what's the
opposite of a benefit? I guess the costs the benefits and costs.
Okay, so you know what it will take from you. And also what you
will gain from it. Right. So there's, you know, the the
narrative about Yeah, yeah, yeah, get another one, bro. Yeah, in it.
Yeah. It's kind of like locker room type.
It's kind of like locker room type of joshing type of, you know, like
bigging you up. Yeah, yeah, the big man, big man. But sometimes
the conversation isn't actually a very honest conversation about,
dude, this is actually going to take x, y, and Zed from you as the
man. You think that there is that lack of kind of honest. Look, let
me let me lay it all out for you. Do you think that's happening? Or
is it just kind of what I'm seeing? Well, here's the thing,
though. So we're talking about polygyny, as though as some type
of weird thing, polygamy is simply a form of marriage. So if you're
talking to someone who's single, never marry clearly that
there will be some changes here, right? There will be some
expectations, there can be some adjustments, there will be some
growth needed. And by the way, most of them fail.
Right? So are we saying, Hey, are we having that same conversation?
Women? Are men also leading the way? Oh, they say, okay, cool. Go
ahead, get hitched, do you think figure it out through trial and
error, man, because that's all that's really left with religion.
So it shouldn't be restricted to polygyny. The challenge is this.
If you're not only talking about marriage, you're trying to win and
be good at marriage anyway, and we're not unhappy with the first
marriage. Yeah.
That's alright, because you're good at that. And you're gonna
recognize it, man, who is open to you should you want to practice
religion? Yeah, it's funny because women are like, Okay, this except
for that, that I'm gonna roll the dice over here with this, you
know,
but are men letting it note? Well, first of all the the most
successful polygynous marriages that we are aware of keep things
quiet. And they keep it quiet and want to be
outside pressure. They don't need to open a door for a time to come
in. We know that. Okay, cool. We're good. We had a safe space,
we're good enough families want to go. We you know, overcome a lot of
things had a lot of growth. Do we go ahead and put out information
that can help people kind of reverse engineer what we did with
outstanding person relationships? And do that? Or do we just succeed
quietly do our thing like both accessibility and scope?
To weigh the options? Okay, well, this will be beneficial knowledge
that weighs heavy force on your
right. And so in the property centrosome I'm also said that the
best people are those who help the mostly.
I'm like, You know what, we can actually do something right now
with technology that our ancestors never have the ability to be true.
We can be around for our great great, great, great grandchildren
to see where they came from live as a few gray hairs they come in,
but they still see me decades, centuries. So after I'm gone,
however, they may be in a better person, or whatever. I don't know.
I don't have that option. I don't even know my great, great, great
grandfather.
So we had to weigh those and we came to a decision. Let's write
this book, just for him his company. Let's help more people
out. Let's give in you know what law Hi, Roz. Lots I will take
all the conversations being had rarely are our Imams discussing
it. Not much. And if St. John's number one needs to break up the
family, what about the person that stands in the way of uniting
dependents? That can somehow related to the same end goal at
the same time as because our people, our leaders, it's Oh, no,
it's against the law here. Or I might practice it, but I'm not
gonna do it for somebody else, not the masjid or they put up these
barriers or something. Team allows it marriage is half of your deen.
That doesn't mean monogamy just have to do it needs marriage. And
In Islam there two forms. And we should be teaching this
politically. Just as we teach it out here woman I call it marriage.
The problem is that we don't have the resources. So we chose to
become that resource. We have to invest a lot in ourselves to get
to that point. But the problem is I got a bone to pick y'all got a
bone to pick with those who are the leaders and community leaders
community which you you also finance have to do. And people are
complaining women in particular first wives in general. Well, I
you know, please okay, but I support it when it's done right.
You don't say I support marriage when it's done right.
She doesn't ask me she said you know, you want some eat causes
Cook, right?
If we have a problem, what if we don't know where to go to learn
how to do that?
Right How to increase our emotional intelligence, our
financial IQ, and be able to communicate more effectively, that
we're at a loss. So no other conversations are not being had.
That's one of the reasons we're out. And that's the reason we also
talk more about polygyny than just traditional marriages. We talk
about monogamy in baseball. But the reason is polygyny has it
doesn't get his fair airplay.