Naima B. Robert – TMC E3 Clip Should Muslim Couples Choose Compatibility OR Attraction for Marriage
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The speaker discusses the issue of compatibility and attraction in relationships. They mention that the attraction is important and that it is a combination of factors, including family and language. The speaker suggests that it is a miracle that many people get married and that it is a combination of factors that need to be aligned in order to feel comfortable.
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The reason I'm asking about her is this issue of compatibility, and
even attraction because I remember another Imam I was speaking to
said, Look, all of these checklists that a lot of people
have most of that stuff. In the, at the end of the day, that's not
what makes a marriage viable. What is What does make it viable is
Dean, character, and attraction. So he added the attraction to
that.
So let's open that up, actually, because this is something that a
system message messaged me. And she was telling me how she married
her brother, I'm going to a full story because we can't really give
her anything specific. But the main thing was, is that she said,
he's a good brother. Our families were happy with the match. But
there is no chemistry between us. And we have nothing to talk about.
It's five months in, what should I do?
Hmm. Interesting.
The reason I'm asking about her is this issue of compatibility. And
even attraction, because I remember another Imam, I was
speaking to said, Look, all of these checklists that a lot of
people have most of that stuff. In the, at the end of the day, that's
not what makes a marriage viable. What is What does make it viable
is Dean, character, and attraction. So he added the
attraction to that. And I was thinking to myself, I wonder
whether all learned people would add attraction with some say,
That's negotiable. Like it's okay, if it's there, it's okay. If it's
not there, like what's your position?
I think attraction is mentioned at the attraction is super important.
I think it's mentioned a lot because of that famous Hadith of
the process. And where he mentioned, Jamal, he mentioned the
beauty
of this in this context, he was addressing male companions. So he
was talking in the context of when you look to marry a woman, usually
you would look at these areas, and then the beauty. And the
attraction was was one part, right, which is super important.
And I think I would, I would definitely add it there. But I
know it's not going to apply to every single person. Because, you
know, some people are kind of, like, that's not a huge thing.
They're looking for other things. Right. But, you know, I think it
would be very difficult to I mean, I'd say that's rare. I mean, you
know, most guys are looking for some level of attraction. And I'm
sure they'll propose without the attraction. I think that I think I
think that that's the maybe the, the, the difference is that
if the man does not find the woman attractive, the likelihood of him
even proposing marriage is low. Whereas if she doesn't find him
attractive, it's not always correlating. Is it? Because he may
find her attractive and not the other way around? In which case,
she kind of has to make some kind of well have some kind of
discussion, I guess, in her head to say, Should I wait for it to
develop? You know, should we give it a chance anyway? Or is it like,
Nope, that's a deal breaker for me. SubhanAllah. But, so So you
know, that that coupled with the attraction coupled with the
process, and also I mentioned, family, so even though he
mentioned, like lineage, but it's a bit different, it, you know,
that's quite, we would say includes, you know, family and
things like that, which is important. I would say chemistry
is something different. So you've got now compatibility versus to
chemistry, right? Because just because you're compatible, it
doesn't necessarily mean that the chemistry is going to be there.
Okay. Yeah. Which, which again, now it's like, Oh, my God. Now I
need to think about that. Right. You could be from the same
village. Yeah, you could be from the same village speak the same
language and all of that. Yeah. But you sit together, nothing.
Yeah, you're just lying. Right? So it's, it's boring. Not feeling it.
Feeling it? Yeah.
It's actually a miracle that so many people do get married, if you
think about it, because there's so many different elements that need
to kind of align in order for a couple to feel comfortable to say,
I'm going to commit to this person and you know, build a family with
them. Well, hamdulillah how do they love