Naima B. Robert – Episode 2 Finding The Balance Can you be Humble and Confident
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Welcome back to our brand new series
Finding the Balance,
Rediscovering
the Ideal Muslimah.
Now as you know, in this
series we are delving into the qualities that
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala values in us as
Muslim women. And if you've been wondering
what those values might be,
then this ayah in the Quran
might give you a clue.
Indeed,
the Muslim men and Muslim women,
the believing men and believing women,
the obedient men
and obedient women,
the truthful men and truthful women,
the patient men and the patient women,
The humble men and the humble women.
The charitable men and the charitable women. The
fasting men and the fasting women. The men
who guard their private parts and the women
who do so, and the men who remember
Allah
often and the women who do so. For
them,
Allah has prepared
forgiveness
and a great reward.
So we already have an amazing framework
for answering that question that is driving this
series.
Who is the Muslim woman? What are her
abiding characteristics?
So in today's show, we're going to be
answering the question as to whether you can
be humble
and confident at the same time. Let's get
to it.
It's interesting to see that humility
has fallen out of favor in today's world.
Have you found that
particularly as women, we are being encouraged all
the time in society to be brash and
bold and loud and proud?
Arrogance has permeated the way that we conduct
ourselves,
all of us, from the way we walk,
talk and how we treat others.
And really this arrogance that we see in
society around us is centered around the worship
of the self,
The self being the center of everything.
And that selfishness
is the antithesis of tawhid.
Ibn Qayyim has a wonderful
statement on this where he says that humility
comes from knowing about Allah
and his names and attributes and his greatness.
Venerating him, loving him and being in awe
of him.
And also
from knowing oneself and one's faults
and weaknesses.
From that, we may develop the attitude of
humility,
which means feeling helpless before Allah and being
humble
and compassionate
towards his slaves
so that the person does not feel superior
towards anyone and think that he has any
rights over anyone else. Rather, he thinks that
others are better than him and that their
rights come before his.
This is a characteristic that Allah gives to
those whom he loves,
honors and draws close to him. SubhanAllah
Aladeem.
So while humility is something that is degraded
in today's society, we can see that for
us as Muslims,
humility leads to honor in this life
and the next.
In essence,
it's not about you. So
let's go now to some reminders from the
hadith where the prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam told
us that charity
does not diminish wealth and Allah does not
increase
a man in anything for his pardoning others
except in honor.
And, watch this,
none humbles himself
before Allah
except that Allah raises him.
So I guess the question is,
can you ever be too humble?
Well, the interesting answer to that is yes.
Because
while we are encouraged to be humble and
compassionate,
there are also times
there are also times when we need to
hold our heads up high.
There is a need for confidence,
not arrogance.
And so as we go with
the turning things on their head,
let's look at what people often consider the
opposite of humility and that is confidence.
Now,
let's be clear.
The world is not ready for confident Muslim
women.
Today we tend to shy away from living
according to Islam
fully,
openly,
from defending Islam or even standing out as
Muslims.
And this really
contrasts
starkly
with the confidence of the early Muslim women.
When you delve into the stories from the
Seerah, as we hope to together, you will
see the confidence
that our mothers had as a result of
the tawhid, as a result of the guidance.
And subhanAllah,
one of the things that we have seen
throughout time is that
confidence in your Islam
is the result of knowledge.
And so
any one of us wanting to become more
confident in our Islam, what do we need
to do? We need to learn more because
that is the way to get the confidence
that is praiseworthy.
So
so in the Quran, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
says, so to that religion of Allah invite,
oh Muhammad,
and remain on a right course as you
are commanded,
and I have been commanded to do justice
amongst you.
Allah is our lord and your lord.
For us are our deeds and for you,
your deeds.
There is no need for argument between us
and you. Allah will bring us together and
to him is the final
destination.
SubhanAllah.
Listen to the strength.
That confidence
coupled with the humility. So you are confident
amongst the people but humble before Allah.
This is
the blueprint that we see throughout Islamic history
and something that we need to revive amongst
ourselves.
So I hope that you will enjoy our
next segment where the sisters and I are
going to be talking about how the women
of the Ansar
responded when the verses of hijab were revealed.
Be sure to join us then.
In this segment, I'm going to be chopping
it up with my 2 sisters,
Talha and sister Anissa to just dig a
bit deeper into what we've already covered. So
we talked about humility. We talked about confidence.
And you know when I was researching this
show,
the the stories that I kept coming up
in all the
research was the stories of the early Muslim
women and how they responded
when the command of Allah was revealed. Right?
And so we all know the story of
when the ayat of hijab were revealed, how
the women of the Ansar, you know, the
men went to go and tell their wives
and their mothers and their sisters, etcetera,
about what had been revealed, and they immediately
tore down their curtains Yeah. And just wrapped
themselves all up so that when they went
out the next day they were described as,
you know, they kind of were out in
the street covered like they had crows on
their heads, right? And
what really struck me
was this sense of firstly,
just obedience, right, and submission to the will
of Allah, but also this confidence
that we know this is the truth
and that this is the command from our
Lord and we're good with this. Like, this
is who we are. What what do you
think about this this this this issue of
the confidence of Muslim women? Do you think
that we've lost some of that?
I think,
the confidence that, as a Muslim woman, have,
it really does stem from inside.
When you have faith
in your heart, then you are willing to,
accept
what comes with that faith.
I'm just thinking about my own journey because
I was raised in a Muslim household, but
I didn't always wear hijab, you know. It
was in my teenage years when I, like,
transformed, you know. And, I started off with
prayers and, you know, doing my,
the spiritual things, And then inside, I just
felt like there needs to be more change,
you know. So that's when I felt that
outwardly,
it needs to match what's happening in inwardly.
So that's what happened with these ladies, you
know. They they built their iman inside. And
when that iman was seated in their heart,
it didn't matter what they looked like, you
know, externally. And that's the journey that I
think many women go through. When they accept
Islam wholeheartedly,
then the next thing is, externally, that would
be reflected.
Isn't that I I would definitely say that,
but then what would you say for the
women who, you know, were in hijab, and
then the ones who are now taking it
off, but then when you talk to them
they will say to you, but I'm now
close, more closer to Allah now than I
was. You know, now that I've taken it
all off, you see? So it's like, I
think that's a difficult one because we're seeing
a lot of that. So when you said
about confidence,
yes, definitely the confidence is coming from the
faith, right, your belief. You just want to
submit. You know that if Allah has told
you to do something, a bit like an
obedient child, you know, you have so much
love for your parents,
and when your parents tell you to do
something, you don't go, you know. You just
say, okay, you know, yes, mom, yes, dad,
and you're happy to do it. So do
your kids do that? Because my my my
no.
I think it's a generational thing. But Not
the younger ones. Yes. No. The younger ones,
masha'Allah, they're still they're still with us. But,
you know, let's let's let's talk about that
for a minute because
obviously we know that within the the ummah
worldwide,
you know, sisters are struggling. Since we're talking
about hijab, we might as well, you know,
we might as well address that. You know,
we have seen I think there was a
time where hijab was quite rare,
seventies, sixties, seventies into the eighties. And then
people started learning.
New generation comes up feeling much more confident
in
learning the deen and implementing. Right? So into
the nineties now, you have more people who
are actually choosing to wear hijab
like you who came from families where hijab
wasn't mandated, it wasn't something they were expected
to do. Sometimes families were actually against it,
right? So you had that wave of people
accepting hijab, embracing hijab and with this confidence,
Masha'Allah.
And I think that we're seeing the downturn
of that Yes. In some ways Yes. Where
people are is a new generation. Yeah. And
I think that they don't have the knowledge
that the previous generation, maybe our generation, had.
And
the grounding in the Islamic knowledge, I don't
think is the same. Yeah. I think nowadays
people take more of their deen from listening
and chatting and and and absorbing from the
environment
rather than actually studying.
And and so you see that people's manifestations
of their deen is different. Mhmm. But then
also looking at the pressures that is there.
And the different pressures now. So the pressures
now, like, with social media and things like
this is is It's nothing like what we
have. So then that actually, going back to
confidence, knocks down people's confidence. Agreed. Because they're
looking at these women that are so called
perfect, where they're not, most of them are
filtered or fake, you know, and they're wanting
to aspire to be like that. And I
think that's the sad thing. It is. You
know? It is. And so the the question
is,
we know the pressures.
As you said, when we were coming up
in the deen, there was no social media.
Right? Most of us didn't even take pictures.
No. You know? And we certainly were not
interested in trying to look like a non
Muslim, you know? We had Islam and we
were happy with Islam.
Now you've got a situation where, like as
you said, the pressures from every every angle
are for women to objectify and beautify themselves
and to look a certain way.
How can we
reclaim
the confidence
of the early Muslim women in what Allah,
subhanahu wa ta'ala, has said? What do you
think about that? I think it's very important
that we have spaces where women can actually
beautify,
celebrate themselves,
and, you know, look good,
but also
have the education that there are times when
these, you know, say beauty has to be
covered, you know? There needs to be outlets
because
women by nature, I mean, myself and most
of my friends, friends, we we like to
look good. Let's just be honest. We like
pretty things. We like to, you know, look
nice.
There has to be spaces and situation and
moments where we are able to express that
feminine side of our being, you know? But
then, along with that, we have to know
our boundaries. These are the times where you
have to cover. And as long as we
are raising the next generation with that balanced,
you know, understanding, then they know, okay, this
is where I can Yeah. Really, you know,
celebrate my beauty and look good.
In these times, you know, it's like, not
most of women have a dress code. When
they go out partying, it's one type of
clothing. True. When they go to work Yeah.
It's official clothing. They have to be mindful
of how much they cover, how much they
expose. If they're working in a school, they
have to be mindful of their dress code.
So, we have to be clear.
When we are dressing ourself, you know, there
is a certain
dress code at home between your spouses
when you're going out. And, you know, we're
not expected to wear this all the time,
247. Mhmm. You know? But haven't we been
given the best dress code? Because it's from
Allah. So we have been taught to beautify
ourselves in front of our loved ones. So
He's not oppressing us, you know, subhanAllah.
And then protecting us from the ugly outside
world. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think one of
the thing that we need to be mindful
for the younger generation is that we actually
showcase the best of both worlds. So for
example, when I go to parties, mannies or
weddings,
I really make an effort to dress up.
Even I will get my nieces to do
my makeup, you know. And when the girls
they see me, my students, they're like, oh,
tell her. Is that you? Is that you,
you know? You look so this And I
I I do that deliberately so that they
can see the other side of the bumper.
And sometimes, you know, they feel really encouraged,
and they feel a sense of permission that
it's okay to wear these things. And, I
think that is a very powerful way of
showing the young generation that, there's
a time for this and there's a time
for that. And it's very important that we
show the holistic side of our iman,
our faith, so that
gives people confidence.
What I love about that is that it
really kind of touches on the whole theme
of the series, right, which is that we
have been given a balanced way. Right? So,
yes, Muslim women cover, but as you said,
when it's, you know, amongst the maharim, etcetera,
they they they can look as beautiful as
they want to, mashallah.
And I think that that's important.
It's an important thing for people to know,
for for young girls to know and to
see. Yes. I agree with you. I agree.
Okay. So moving, I guess, away slightly from
the confidence,
topic,
I wanna talk about how
we balance between being humble
and confident because some people, I remember when
we were speaking with sisters
about whether it's their goals or things that
they want to do,
there is a lack of confidence there. Even
with regards to being a mother, being a
wife, you know, taking on some kind of
challenge with regards to their, you know, their
Quran or Arabic, there is this lack of
confidence there. And when you question them about
it, they say I want to be humble.
I want to stay humble.
So in the minds of the people there
is a conflict
between being humble
and being confident. Because if your confidence is
like you're arrogant, Yeah. What do you think
is the is the the way to kind
of to understand
how those 2 interplay? You know, I think
the best example we find is in the,
story of Yusuf alaihis salam. Mhmm. You know,
he went through a different journey, and then
when he was at a point where
he was sought after,
you know,
he
said to the minister,
make me in charge of the treasures.
Mhmm. Why? Because he knew that he's the
best man for the job, and also he
has all the, like, credential. Right. So, you
can see that. He knows his skill set.
Mhmm. And he knows that he will do
justice to that Yeah. Role. Yeah. So I
think here you can see, you know, like
he's obviously
a prophet of Allah. Mhmm. But at the
same time he knows there's a job that
needs to be done. Mhmm. And who better
to do it than myself because I will
give justice to it. Yeah. You know, so,
sometime I think we have this superficial humility,
in a way we think we are being
humble, but actually, we're just, you know, deluded,
you know. So sometimes Scared sometimes. If there's
a role, or if there's a skill that
you have,
use it
for the betterment of the Mhmm. People around
you.
And, you know, when people are giving you
compliments and, you know, they are, you know,
praising you,
it's a matter of how you're dealing with
that praise. Just like Abu Bakr as Siddiq,
you know, when he was praised, he made
a dua that, you know, Allah forgive me
for what they don't know. Yeah. So I
think
when you are put in a role, you
know, take it up, but how you respond
to the praise and excessive, you know, compliments,
it's a matter where you have to deal
with, because that's your personal challenge. But,
to shy away from a role that you're
best suited to do, if people are pointing
their fingers at you, like you do it,
you do it, then surely you're the best
person for the role. So, in that sense,
you know, you're not having this arrogance and,
you know, this pride, but rather you're having
confidence that Allah has blessed you with certain
qualities, and therefore take it up. And, part
of you taking it up is being grateful
to Allah,
using your quality to serve Allah,
and the people around you. That's a big
one, The gratitude is part of the confidence.
So what what do you think? I mean,
I think, you know, with with personality, it
is like you said, you know, to looking
at the example of Yousef alaihis salam, having,
you know, knowing that we have different characteristics,
right? Sometimes there is a time to be
humble, and sometimes there is a time to
be confident, and sometimes there's a time to
be, you know, quiet, and sometimes loud, and
you know, we we have to have a
balance and be able to,
look at the situations,
and assert our characteristic whenever we are needed.
Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's Mhmm. Yeah. What
I what I always like to say when
it comes to the especially, like you said,
when you're being when you've done something really
well. Right? Like,
you've you've achieved something major
and the people come to you with, you
know, well done, masha'Allah, mabrook, whatever. Yeah. I
think one of the things that, you know,
certainly I have found very useful
is the humility to say that
this is from Allah.
You know that it's not about you. You
didn't achieve this all by yourself. This is
a nyamah from Allah. You can do all
the actions, but at the end of the
day, the outcome is in the hands of
Allah. So there's no need to have, like
you said, the false humility,
pretending like you don't know how to do
this or you're not that good at that.
Some some people are amazing at what they
do by the grace of Allah. Yeah. And
we shouldn't feel
sad or bad
about owning Yes. Our awesomeness.
I mean, I definitely should just say these
lines. Like you said, I just say it,
you know, it's all for Allah, and it's
all from Allah. Yeah. Kolas. So that's easy,
you know? Yeah. So if anybody praises you,
it's for Allah, and it's from Allah. 100%.
And guys, here there you have it. It
is for Allah and it is from Allah.
Let us know
what you made of this episode so far,
any takeaways from our conversation by sharing it
on social media. Please be sure to tag
Iman Channel and your host, Naima B. Robert,
in any post that you make. We really
wanna see how this is showing up for
you. And, now we're gonna go to my
parting thoughts, let's go.
Every one of us has a little light
inside.
A light that can touch others, inspire them,
a light that can bring them joy.
Now in sum, this light is like a
force of nature. It encompasses 1,000, it transcends
boundaries, it crosses time.
In others,
this light is smaller,
quieter,
touching those in its immediate vicinity,
family, friends.
This is the light that warms homes,
soothes scraped knees and builds a teenager's shattered
confidence.
In essence, as women we are all light
bearers.
We all carry this light inside us Alhamdulillah.
This ability to love, to cherish, to comfort,
to soothe, to help, to cheer,
to inspire,
to teach,
to rebuild and heal by the grace of
Allah.
Indeed we are nothing but vessels for this
light.
So what is the use in trying to
hide it or extinguish it because of the
actions of others? Those who don't understand, those
who will not understand, those who would love
to see your light go out.
One day, sooner or later,
we will all return to Allah
Wouldn't you rather return to Him with that
light
spent in His way,
having brought ease and comfort and joy to
those around you rather than die having withheld
it out of bitterness?
And the most beautiful thing about it is
this,
when you shine your light, sister,
for the sake of Allah,
the reward lies with him,
the one most capable of rewarding his slaves.
His reward is just.
His reward is everlasting.
And His reward is better than anything this
world has to offer.
Isn't that worth shining for?
May Allah make us of those who shine
our light for His sake alone,
anticipating
His everlasting reward,
ameen.
I'll see you in the next episode, Insha'Allah.