Naima B. Robert – A Sisters Ramadan Season 3 Episode 3 6 Essential Relationships Relationship your spouse
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Welcome back to a Sister's Ramadan.
This is your sister Naima b Robert here
and I am so so pleased that you
made the decision to join us today.
I've said it clearly. I've said it before
and I'll say it again. I am on
a mission to remind every single one of
you to cherish and nurture
your loved ones while you still can. Let's
not fall into the trap of taking them
for granted and assuming that we have tomorrow
and next week and next year. Let's use
this Ramadan
to nurture our relationships.
Our relationship with Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,
with ourselves
and with our loved ones and those around
us. Are you ready? In today's episode, we
will be looking at how to nurture your
relationship
with your spouse.
For those of you who are married, let's
take a trip down memory lane. Do you
remember what it was like?
Looking forward to being married? Wishing to be
married? The excitement of meetings and sit downs
and questions and answers and families getting involved?
Do you remember the excitement of the wedding?
Do you remember those early days when you
were still learning each other? When you were
so curious about each other? Young love, old
love, whatever it was. Do you remember
setting up a home together?
Starting out on this big adventure?
Looking at everyday as a gift. Being so
grateful for your spouse.
Being so in love.
Subhanallah.
For those of you who've been married for
a few years now, you may be struggling
to actually remember those days. But I want
you to cast your minds back.
Because for many of us, when we met
our spouse,
we had been praying on it.
We had been making dua.
We had prayed istikhara.
We had spoken to families, spoken to friends,
done our research. We'd read books, we'd watch
talks, we'd watch videos. We had really prepared
ourselves as best we could to be the
best spouse possible.
And when Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala opened the
doors for us to get married,
we were over the moon,
overjoyed,
grateful
and so ready to make the most of
this relationship.
Why is it that
sometimes after only a few years
the novelty wears off?
We we don't feel that sense of gratitude
anymore.
We don't feel that sense of excitement. We
don't feel that connection. We don't feel that
love and maybe we're still looking for it
but life has moved on.
It's real life now. Responsibilities,
rights,
you know, respect and, you know, disagreements and
all that.
The normal things that come with a relationship.
So while
nobody expects the honeymoon period to last a
lifetime,
we do know that we can fall into
taking our spouse for granted.
And that's really what I'd like to talk
about today. Because what I'd like to look
at is how we
as Muslim women could potentially
use this month
to reconnect with our spouse, to
recommit
to being the best wife that we can
be. Let's reflect a little on what Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala tells us about marriage.
We are taught in our deen
that marriage, the relationship between a husband and
a wife is actually one of Allah's signs.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says in the Qur'an,
among His signs is this, that He created
for you mates from among yourselves
That ye may dwell
in tranquility with them and he has put
love and mercy between your hearts. Verily in
that are signs for those who reflect.
SubhanAllah.
This love between a man and a woman
who come together to form a family is
one of Allah's signs.
And the fact that He has brought you
and your spouse together and put that love
and mercy is yet again
another reason for us to return to Him
in gratitude,
to return to Him in acceptance of what
He has chosen for us.
We are also taught that husband and wife
are garments for each other. In the Quran,
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says, your wives are
a garment for you and you are a
garment for them.
And this verse reminds us
of the qualities of a garment because as
garments,
we strive to adapt and change and accommodate
our spouse as they grow.
Think about your clothing.
What does it do?
It protects, it covers, it beautifies.
And if we are to be garments for
our spouses, then we have to be able
to have the flexibility
to accommodate them when they grow, to come
in a little when they need extra support.
As a garment, there are times when we
need to lighten as summer draws near or
to grow heavier when winter is coming in.
In this way, we find
synergy with our spouse. To be their positive
when they hit a negative. To be their
left brain when they're stuck in right brain
mode. To be their pillow when they need
to lean.
To be their pillow when they need to
lay.
Now, being a garment as you probably know
if you've been married for any length of
time, does not happen by miracle or mistake.
It's a conscious choice.
A conscious choice to live by Allah Subhanahu
Wa Ta'ala's guidelines
to strive for full to fulfill the promise
of His words.
Another thing that we sometimes forget when it
comes to our spouses is that our spouse
is in a manner.
This person
has been
entrusted to us.
We have been
charged with their care,
with their love, with their support,
with their nurturing, with their respect.
So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala not only has
given us a husband, but He has also
given us a set of responsibilities
that go along with having that husband.
And we will be asked about them.
This is a trust and just as any
amana has been lent to us, it can
also be taken away as I shared in
earlier episodes.
So
if
this is the case, if
our marriages and the love between a husband
and a wife are a sign from Allah
if indeed we are to be garments, if
indeed our spouses are a manna that we
will be questioned about,
why don't we use Ramadan
to get better at what we're doing? Why
don't we use Ramadan
to nurture
that relationship?
Well,
when it comes to nurturing your relationship with
your spouse specifically during Ramadan,
let's seek to refine
our character this Ramadan.
We already know that during Ramadan, our focus
is on becoming the best version of ourselves.
So which version of ourselves
can we bring to our marriage
that will insha'Allah
increase
the love and mercy between us and our
spouses?
Well, I'm gonna share with you inshaAllah
5 strategies
that you can employ b'idnila this month to
start developing a better relationship with your spouse.
And the first of those is gratitude.
Gratitude
to your husband
for who he is,
for what he brings, for what he does,
no matter how big or how small,
sis, let me tell you, it's a game
changer.
Not only did Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala tell
us that if we are grateful, He will
increase us in good. But every human being
loves to be acknowledged
for their effort,
for their striving,
for what they bring to the family, to
the home, to the relationship, to the marriage.
So this Ramadan,
my challenge to you sis,
is to set yourself in gratitude mode when
it comes to your husband.
Say thank you.
Say to Zaka Law Khayron.
Tell him, I appreciate what you're doing.
I see the effort that you're making.
I'm grateful for you.
And let me know how it works for
you insha Allah.
I know for some people that might feel
uncomfortable
but trust me,
that gratitude that you express will come back
to you in more ways than you can
imagine.
The second strategy that I'm inviting you to
employ, if you're up for it, is humility.
Many many many of us, as human beings,
have a tendency
to be arrogant and proud.
We think that we're right. We think we
know what's best. We think that we should
be in charge of every single situation.
But I invite you
to embrace humility this Ramadan.
SubhanAllah.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has created us as
human beings so much in need of His
mercy, so much in need of Him and
in need of the people.
It's okay to acknowledge that.
It's okay to be humble. It's okay to
accept.
It's okay to not argue. It's okay to
let it go.
The 3rd strategy
that I will invite you to employ is
kindness.
Kindness is such a simple concept but you'd
be surprised
how many of us are unkind to our
husbands.
Now, if you're not one of those sisters
who is unkind to your husband, then please
chew the meat and spit out the bones.
But I would love to encourage every one
of my viewers to embrace
even more kindness to your husband this this
in this season and afterwards.
Be kind to him.
Be gentle with him.
Make excuses for him.
Be easy with him.
We have been advised so many times to
be easy with the people.
Be easy with your husband.
And then the 4th strategy is generosity.
Give.
Give.
Give
from your heart for the sake of Allah.
Be happy to serve, be happy to provide,
be happy to give, be happy to be
at someone else's service.
SubhanAllah, there are many, many people out there
who do not have a spouse with whom
they can be generous, with whom they can
be kind, with whom they can be grateful.
So let's remember that. And let's remember as
well that everything that we give ultimately is
from Allah.
So we will never lose by giving
especially if we remember our asl and remember
our original which is that we give for
the sake of Allah.
And then, the 5th strategy is respect and
obedience.
Respect him
and listen to Him.
Don't argue with Him. Make this a month
of
being agreeable.
Make this a month of being easy. Make
this a month of honoring your husband.
And hopefully, it won't be only a month.
Maybe it will become something that you see
the fruits of and you see it working
so well that you embrace it.
But the reality
is Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has spoken about
obedience to the husband
and he has spoken about it in how
it should play out with regards to our
marriages. And the prophet, salallahu alaihi wa sallam,
spoke about respect and obeying the husband many
times as well.
So those are my 5 strategies for how
you can purify your own character in Ramadan
but in a way that insha'Allah will draw
you closer to your husband and improve your
relationship with him and improve your marriage.
Now, sis, it's over to you.
Now, it's time
to sit down and think about how you
can nurture your relationship with your spouse this
Ramadan. And remember our 4 step process,
renewing your intention
for everything that you are doing for him
and for the relationship. What is your intention?
To please Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
2nd step, slowing down.
Trying to cut down on the multitasking,
being mindful and taking each task as it
comes.
The third step, taking yourself to account.
At the end of the day, ask yourself,
how did I do? And the 4th step,
press the reset button.
Not everyday will be perfect and not everyday
will be as you wished it to be
And that's okay.
You
deserve another chance tomorrow. You deserve to give
yourself a 1000 second chances. So simply press
reset and make a decision to do differently
the next day.
I certainly hope that you got something out
of this episode of A Sister's Ramadan.
I would love to hear how these few
strategies that I've given you, how they play
out,
how the results are. Do let us know
on social media by tagging Iman Channel and
Naima b Robert in all your posts and
make sure that you use hashtag
sistersramadhan.
We would love to see whether these strategies
are working for you and love to hear
your thoughts on them as well.
I'm going to be so excited to share
the next episode with you because we're going
to be talking about your relationship with your
children. So don't forget to meet me then.