Nadim Bashir – Khatira – Don’t Compare Your Children or Yourself to Others

			Subhan Allah in the Quran, Allah subhanho wa taala. He talks about people striving hard in life. For
example, you have a car business, you see someone else who has a car business, you want to increase
your car business, you want to do better, you have a restaurant, someone else has a restaurant,
their restaurant is doing better. You want to improve your business, you want to improve your
quality and you move forward. There's nothing wrong in doing that Allah subhanho wa taala. He has
created us in ways in such a way that we like to compete with each other. But there's one thing
about when it comes to competing with each other that we have to keep in mind. But then this leads
		

			me to the next topic, which is very important. The first thing when it comes to competing with each
other is that it should never be about I want to compete so I can defeat him or her or I can beat
their business and so forth. But rather, what the Quran teaches us is to learn from others learn how
much hard work they put in. And then perhaps I can put a same level of harsh, hard work into my own
business, or whatever we are doing in our life. So we look at others and we aspire from that. We
aspire, and we are inspired by their hard work, and we push ourselves towards our own goal. Our dean
has complimented that our Dean has encouraged that there's nothing wrong in doing that we find many
		

			of the Sahaba or the Allahu Anhu they will always like to compete when it came when it came to the
matters of the arcade. When it came to the matter of for example Omar or the Allahu Taala on when he
saw obika Are the Allahu Anhu going and Can someone take care of their children? They're just
running around a lot.
		

			So what happened what we find from Ahmed even photography Allah on is he went and he was trying to
compare and he was trying to this is getting rid of disturbing Someone please. So if
		

			so I'm gonna have a hardtop Rhodiola Auntie he's trying to come to he's trying to he's trying to
compete with obika or the Allahu Allah and there's nothing wrong in doing that. Our Deen has
recommended that what Sadhguru Isla mouthfeel Mira become Hastin when you haste and sometimes you'll
be faster than others. So to our Dean has recommended when it comes to the matters of religion and
when it comes to the matters of the AKA, we should always compete with each other, not with the
intention of defeating and putting someone else down, but pushing ourselves forward. But here's what
happens when we go into this kind of situation. We start to compare, we start to compare ourselves
		

			to others. Now every single family is different and I always say this in our family and like in a
person's family. You may have two three children, another person's family they may have two three
children. Some other family may have four or five children. Some families are going to have some
issues, some families are going to have some issues. What we need to always realize is ALLAH SubhanA
wa Tada says no Quran will determine nope my football Allah will be baldachin Allah about literally
javelina, Cebu, Cebu, while in Nisa in Acebo Minmatar. Seven was ALLAH hum and funnily so Allah
subhanho wa taala, he begins the ayah by saying that do not compare do not wish, whatever Allah has
		

			given to some and whatever Allah has given to others, and what Allah has given you, let a man know
be Hema Fidel, Allah will be he bow the Comala about, there are some who are intelligent, there are
some who are even more intelligent. There are some families who are rich, there are some families
who might be even more rich. What we need to realize is that whatever Allah has given us, we are
content upon that, if Allah chose, chose to put me in a certain situation, I should be happy with
that. But when we begin to compare, and when we begin to start questioning, or we begin to complain
to Allah subhanho wa taala. In essence, what we're doing is two things. Number one is we are being
		

			ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa taala. Why did Allah put me in this? And Why did Allah not make put
me in that kind of situation? Why did Allah give me this? And not that? Because I see another family
that has a sense has a different situation? Why did Allah make my kids this way? When I look at the
other kids, and they are this way, and so forth, and so we need to stop doing that because Allah
subhanho wa Taala he has given us something that there are so many other people who would wish to
have what we have. So what do we become is ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa taala. The second thing
that happens when we compare our situation to others is that we lose focus of the overall purpose,
		

			we lose focus of the overall purpose. Let me explain when it believes when it believes denied, and
he said, I'm not going to make sense that to Adam it is Salam. Allah subhanho wa Taala he asked him
why aren't you not making sujood call Mr. Manoj, aka Allah. Judah is a multaq When I ordered you to
make sense that Why aren't you making such stuff? Now what is the purpose and the goal here of all
this is the goal is to worship Allah subhanho wa taala. The goal is the obedience of Allah subhanho
wa Taala what
		

			We understand the hekman or not. That's the That's the purpose. That's the objective. But what
shaytani did is when he began to compare himself to Adam Alayhis Salam, and he says, I know how you
don't mean holla cottony Minnaar wahala kata Humann. Why should I do this? Now he lost, he lost
focus of the overall objective and purpose, which was the obedience of Allah subhanho wa taala. Why
because he began to compare himself to Adam Alayhis Salam, I am better than Adam, You created me
from fire, You created him from dirt, and fire is better than dirt. That's what he that is what his
argument was. So the point I'm trying to make is, when we compare ourselves, our situation to
		

			others, we become ungrateful to Allah subhanho wa taala. And number two is we lose focus of the
overall purpose of life, the overall purpose of life is to worship Allah subhanho wa taala. The
overall purpose of life is the akhira and aiming for the Ark era, as we have learned from the
Prophet SAW Salem, Allahu Allah, Aisha, in LA, I shall akhira the most the Irish the happiness is
not in this dunya in this dunya This is a place a home of empty LA, this is a place of hardship and
difficulty. But that life here after is the ultimate life. Now, the next thing, when we talk about
comparing ourselves to others, the next subject that often comes up is comparing our children to
		

			others. Now this happens often, you know, I grew up in a DC family is very common. Okay, so let's
not try to pretend that what is he talking about? Okay, it happens all the time. And I'm sure that
some of the kids are sitting over here. They're like, Oh, finally, someone's saying something about
this. Okay. So here's what happens when we talk about our children. And when we compare our
children, first of all, is, we always as parents, we want our children to do the best. Why? Because
we love our children, right. And so there's nothing wrong in comparing our children to other
children, once in a while here and there. But at the same time, the first thing that we have to do
		

			when we compare our children to others is get compare them to someone who is the best form or in the
best version. Now, a lot of times we want to compare our kids and say, Oh, do you see that kid? Or
do you see that kid, and they may be doing one or two things well, but overall, there's a lot of
other things in their life that we will not want our kids to have in their life. So there might be
something wrong with their character in the o'clock, and there's a lot and so forth. But we always
say that look, this person, he is such a good example. Why? Because he studies well. But what our
kids don't understand is that when you give an example of another child, you it seems like to them
		

			that you that the parent wants the child to become like that other child. So here are four few
drawbacks. When we compare our children to other children, frequently, the very first thing is, our
kids, they lose confidence in themselves, they have absolutely no confidence because what you do is
when you tell a child that I want you to become like that, or this Have you seen this child, and so
forth, in essence, in other words, what you're saying to your child is that you are a loser. That's
what you're telling your child, that you are the loser, I respect what this child does, and that
child does, but you, in my opinion, are a loser, because you cannot do the same thing what that
		

			child does, that destroys the confidence of a child. And I've said this before, many of us when we
grew up overseas, I mean, I was born and raised here in this country, but many of you sitting over
here, you were born and raised overseas, the culture overseas is that when your parents are when
parents would motivate their children, they will demean them. Okay, that in the cultural recedes was
you demean a child that motivates a child, okay. But here in this culture in America, and this is
why I'm sure you've heard this, the saying of all you know, the Allahu Allah, and that you cannot
raise your children the way you were raised. So when we try to use the same techniques, the way that
		

			were employed upon us, and that motivated us a long time ago, and we try the same techniques on our
children today, it's of no avail. Rather, you will be counterproductive in your attempt. So when we
do this, and we start comparing our children to others, first of all, we destroy the confidence. The
second thing that happens within our children is it creates jealousy in their hearts for that
person. So when you keep on saying that this child, that child, that child, that child, next time
that child is walking around the masjid, your child's gonna want to go attack that child. Why?
Because every single time I go home, I have to hear about you. Okay, I have to hear about this
		

			child. And so that creates jealousy in the heart of the child, and that creates hatred towards the
other child. The third thing it does is it changes the the, it changes the mind frame of the child,
that the goal now of life is no longer to get better. The goal of life is not to aspire. The goal of
life is not to, you know, to to get better and better to have a better career and solve
		

			fourth, the goal is to just defeat this child, I want to then the goal becomes the let me do enough
that my parents can say that I'm better than this child. And what happens is the goals of life, they
diminish exponentially what that child could achieve in life, now you have minimize their potential
for the future. Now for the future, their goal is just to overcome that one person, and to defeat
that one person. And I something I teach, often to the youth, and I teach this to the adults also,
that do not look at another person and spend your life. Yes, there might be another person who might
be better than you in some areas, and you can learn from their hard work and you can be motivated.
		

			But if we spend our life trying to do what to defeat one person, or a few people in our life Wallahi
we are doing ourselves, we're doing ourselves a disservice that what that does to you is that it
really destroys any kind of potential in your future. And finally, what that does in a child is, it
creates a withdrawal, you know, our kids are such that when you keep on comparing them to others,
and so forth. And you know, you compare them to one child, and then they start working hard, and now
they're betting that child, but then you're going to compare them to another child and another
child, another child, what that does is, they end up saying that I am no good for my own parents. I
		

			am no good for my own parents, and I can never please my parents. So guess what, I'm going to stop
trying. I quit. This is a very common thing that many of the kids they say, I quit I can't take this
anymore because I can never make my parents happy. Because my parents are always showing that I am
the loser and there's someone who's better than me. So these are few things that we learn from from
a psychological point of view. But at the same time, we do this often that we compare ourselves to
others we compare our children to others once again competing, there's nothing wrong with that as
long as we do it in a healthy way. But let's try to keep these things in mind inshallah I ask Allah
		

			subhana wa Tala to make us are among those who apply the teachings of the Quran and the Sunnah in
our life. I mean noble enemy does that Kamala Harris hate I said I'm only gonna have to live
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