Mustafa Khattab – Raising Amazing Kids
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AI: Transcript ©
And I bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam
is the seal of the prophets and the
final messenger to all of humanity.
Whoever Allah
guides, there's none to misguide. And whoever Allah
leaves astray, there's none to guide. Alright.
Obakht.
It has been, almost 3 months since the
last football game here. I miss you, and
I was following your news. Masha'Allah. You've been
doing an amazing job locally and internationally. So
locally,
Islamophobic attacks are the highest in history.
And internationally,
the diplomatic ties with Saudi Arabia has been
cut off. Right? So and even here, the
air conditioning was not working for 2 months.
What have you been doing? Right? So Alhamdulillah,
we ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to give
us, the best in this life and the
best in the life to come.
A good news is the school started this
week,
and the students are happy, the teacher are
happy,
maybe. The happiest in the world, on the
entire planet, are the parents.
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says,
Allah is most merciful to people.
So now if I ask any one of
you, what is the most important thing in
your life? You will say, without hesitation,
my kids.
This is this gift that you have, and
you will do anything to make them happy.
So those of you who are parents, grandparents,
you appreciate
the nirmah of kids. So today, inshaAllah,
I'm gonna pick up from where, Sheikh Alaa
lift off last week. JazAllahu Fayr, Alaa Sayyid
Farf Hizna. So, InshaAllah, I'm gonna talk about
how to make sure that your kids are
successful in life. How will they become good
Muslims and successful Canadians.
To keep this balance between working for Dunia
and Athra. Good Muslims, successful Canadians.
And I'm gonna focus on 3 things because
of the time.
So once I go past 255, someone is
gonna shoot me. So I'm gonna keep it
short and sweet, InshaAllah.
So basically, we will focus on taking care
of their mind,
body, and soul. Their body and soul. And
also giving our kids responsibility,
and also finding the gifts in our kids.
Every
kid is gifted in a different way. So
our job as parents and teachers
is to look for the gift, the talent,
and development.
The way the Prophet did with the sahab.
So this is basically the focus of the
Khuba today.
So, taking care of the body and the
ruh, the soul.
Most of the time, we take care of
the body of our kids. When it comes
to the ruh,
we don't pay attention.
So basically, the body of a human being
is like the hardware of a computer.
And the
is like the software or the operating system.
Windows, Apple, whatever. Right? So most of the
time, as I said, we take care of
the body.
Not the the soul. So the ulama basically
say
that
the the body,
when we die,
our bodies that we take care of in
our entire lives will go to the dirt.
And our Rooh which we we ignore,
will go to heaven, to Allah
So we take care of what goes to
the dirt, and we ignore what goes to
heaven. Right? So we need to take care
of both. So we take care of the
bodies of our kids, we make sure they
eat healthy food,
we give them hot dogs every day,
ice cream. Yeah.
But, we also make sure they dress nicely.
Right? Clothes, and shoes, and everything.
We make sure they exercise, we take them
to the Paramount Center, we take them to
YMCA to play soccer, play,
cricket, swimming, whatever.
But when it comes to the Rooh,
not too much attention.
And what we need to do for the
Rooh? 2 things, basically education
and other manners. This is what we mean
by taking care of the Rooh, tazkiyatul nafsun,
so on and so forth.
Then he talks about your relationship with the
people. Be humble,
respect everyone,
be patient,
and so on and so forth. And the
prophet did the same thing with the kids
around him. When he was dealing with kids,
he used to teach him about Allah
and about the people.
Idasa'al Tafas alillah.
Samila wakur bi amir He's teaching them matters
and akhlaat and relationship with Allah
to keep the balance between working for dunya,
working for Akhram. Alhamdulillah.
So this is something that the prophet
always did.
In many cases,
if we take care of Barood, we take
care of education, make sure that we send
our kids to some of the most expensive
schools, Muslim or non Muslim.
But when it comes to manners and akhlaq,
we don't have time to teach them, and
we don't send them anywhere to learn about
akhlaq. And as I said, the provost
took care of both.
Right?
So
knowledge and manners go hand in hand.
So knowledge is like rain
and
the, manners, the akhlaq, they are like the
torbah, the arth, the earth for this water.
And it says, if the land is bad,
then what is the use of the the
water? It will be wasted.
No one has more knowledge than Iblis. He's
very knowledgeable.
He has all the PhDs
on how to, you know, motivate people to
do haram. He's very knowledgeable about people and
their ways,
but people condemn him, they curse him everywhere
in the world. Their knowledge didn't benefit him
without the matter, without the akhlaq.
The second thing, we need to give our
kids responsibilities
in the house. We need to give them
a role.
So, basically, I understand, most of us are
immigrants,
we come from different cultures, and so on
and so forth. In my culture, for example,
we came from a very difficult background.
Especially the childhood, our childhood was rough.
Growing up,
35 years ago, 40 years ago, we didn't
have computers back then. The first time I
saw a computer was probably in college.
We didn't have telephones in the house.
We didn't have toys as kids, so we
used to create them.
So many cases, in many cases, some of
us, we said I don't want my kids
to go through the things that I went
through. I want their life to be easy,
to the point of spoiling them.
25 years old, I don't want to wake
him up for fashion. He's miskeen, like, it's
6 in the morning. Let him sleep till
12, noon.
No. Give him a responsibility. He has to
wake up. You have to train him. If
they spoil their food, they should take care
of it, they should clean it. Like, give
them roles in the house. They need to
fix their beds. Why? Give them a role
to play. When you are about to make
a decision in the house, talk to your
wife or talk to your husband, and get
the kids involved. Like, this is the situation,
what should we do? You know, listen to
them. Maybe they have the right nazeeha. We
know from the Hadith that the Prophet
made sure with Usayn ibn al Zayed when
he was 11 or 12 years old. He
spoke to him, what should we do? And
he gave nasiha to the prophet
He should give them responsibilities
in the house.
Make sure that, you know, they feel that
they belong, they have a role to play,
they have something to contribute.
Ah, he's still young, they can't do anything,
you know, they are 45, ah, they are
still young. I understand, our kids,
like, when you go back home after 7
years or something, you see the kids they
are grown up, Mashallah, they grow fast. But
because your kids, they live with you, they
grow slowly everyday, you don't see this growth.
And for you, till you die,
your kids gray hair, fallen teeth, they walk
with a kid, My kid is a baby.
No! That's because you don't see the growth.
Because it happens every day slowly, you don't
see this growth.
So basically, we need to train our kids,
they're responsible. We need to give them duties
in the house, and we need to make
them feel responsible. I remember, this is a
true story that happened in the GTA
many years back. So this brother said
that my son went to college,
and I brought him a nice car.
10,000, 15,000 back then, many years ago.
Nice car, expensive car.
And he said, after a week my son
just crashed the car.
I said, No problem.
No problem.
We must only he bought him another one.
So he said, after 2 months, my son
cracked it. He totaled it again.
So he went to the Sheikh, and he
said, my son is like a zombie.
He's like destroying everything. What should I do?
And the chef said because he doesn't he's
not responsible. He like, you did everything for
him.
He knows that you are providing for him.
You are buying him a car, you would
buy him an apartment, he doesn't have to
work because he will be paying for everything.
Why should he go to school? Why should
he graduate college? Why should he appreciate everything?
Because, you know, he everything is easy for
him. You know, you should teach him.
So why should I send him to Walmart?
To to work then, minimum wage was 6,
$7 at the time, and from that money,
he can buy his own car.
He said, Wallahi, my son started to work
there, he started to save money, and after
a year, he bought his own car, like,
from the 19 eighties or seventies. Old car.
But he said when I woke up every
morning, he was washing his car, he's polishing
it, oh oh, there's a mosquito right there.
He took care of the car because he
worked hard for this money.
It didn't come easy, so he took care
of it. And he became responsible.
So make sure, inshallah, your kids, in the
summer, they work with you, send them to
work somewhere with reliable people,
sell lemonades outside.
You know, teach them to make money, to
work hard for the money. And, oh Allah,
this is the way to appreciate
what they are getting from you. But if
everything is easy, then khalas, they will not
appreciate the nema that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
has given them.
The last point for,
today,
is discovering,
the gift, the talents that our kids have.
Our kids are gifted. Every single one of
them.
Boys and girls,
abled and disabled, people with abilities or disabilities,
mentally challenged, physically challenged, everyone is gifted in
a certain way.
Your job is to look for this gift.
Right? Your job is to look for the
gift.
So some of you will complain, Oh, my
kids are like zombies in the house, they're
ruining my life.
So for example, my son or daughter, they
draw on the walls,
and the first thing that comes to your
mind, you freak out,
the landlord is gonna kick me out. No.
You have a gifted kid right there. You
have an artist in their house. Buy them
sketchbooks,
and give them, you know, buy them the
pens and the colors and stuff, and give
them to draw. Tisha, draw mashallah, you can
draw, but this is not the right place.
You don't draw on the wall or the
floor, but, you know, draw on these kitchens
and make something nice. Draw flowers,
whatever, you know. So you direct,
and you develop this talent they have.
So they keep jumping from a couch to
another, so you have an athlete, right there.
Your son, your daughter, they talk too much.
You have a politician right there. Right? So
you develop, you develop this, this talent. My
son and my daughter, they talk all the
time.
So you have a comedian right there.
My son, my daughter, they are glued to
their iPad or their computer. You got a
computer geek right there.
And I always advise the parents, 1 hour
computers every day is enough, not more than
1 hour.
And I know the young ones right here,
you are saying, you are ruining my life
right now. No. Because you are young, this
is the time to learn, explore.
There has to be time to play, pray,
eat, enjoy life with your family, and so
on and so forth. 1 hour
computer, electronics is good enough every day.
So if your son is attached to their
iPad or computer,
okay, sorry, Aniluk, but we you can't just
play every day, you're wasting hours of your
life. You like this
game? Can you learn to create 1, a
Muslim video game?
Can you learn coding?
Can you learn typing? Something relevant? Can you
learn video editing?
You know, you channel
their passion and their gift in a way
that is beneficial to the community, inshallah wah
ta'ala.
And if you look at the Quran, the
the ambiya and the ranches, they look for
the gifts. And Muhammad
gave us some most amazing examples.
So in the story of Musa alaihis salam,
he found the gift in his brother, Harun.
And he said to Allah, when Allah told
Musa alaihis salam, your prophet,
go, teach. And he said, wait a minute.
My brother, Harun, is gifted.
My brother Harun has this gift of eloquence,
he can talk.
So send him as a problem with me.
So Allah
said, okay, take him with you, he's a
Prophet now.
In the story of Yusuf alaihis salam, the
King of Egypt
saw the gift and Yusuf alaihis salam,
I want to employ him in my special,
service,
because
so Yusuf alaihis salam was qualified, knowledgeable, qualified.
So the king said, okay, you're gifted, you're
talented, now save the country. Become the minister
of the treasury, and so on and so
forth.
And if you read the Islamic history, you
see the example of Imam Shafi'i, how his
mother
found the gift in him, the intelligence. Imam
Abu Hanifa, how his mother saw the gift
in him.
Muhammad al Fat, how his parents saw the
leadership gift in him. And this is the
the way they, you know, they made,
sure that he got the training to utilize
this gift the Allah
gave him, and the prophet
did the same thing with the za'aba.
Khalib Nwaliif, you have the leadership skills, you
become the leader.
Halib Nabi Talib, you are brave. You have
the bravery. This is how you serve the
community.
You have the voice.
Abu Bakr, you have the sincerity. You have
the wisdom. Abu Bakr, you Omar, you have
the wisdom and the talent. Uthman, you have
the money. So everyone was serving the community
the way they were able to serve, in
their own talent.
But now imagine if Khaled
came and the prophet
said, Masha Allah, you have this military leadership
skills.
Sit
here, memorize Quran, hadith,
no leadership.
Abu Huraira, Masha Allah, you can memorize hadith.
5,700
hadith you memorize in 3 years. Now leave
this alone, you become the leader, of the
army, go fight.
No. The prophet
used the gift. He didn't force to do
things they couldn't do. They have to have
the ability and the desire.
And guess what? Some of us we do
the same thing.
So basically, we come from Egypt, we come
from Pakistan, other countries,
and your son has either to become a
doctor or engineer, or you're not my son.
Seriously, I've seen cases.
Like, the father would tell the son, if
you don't become an engineer like my cousin,
you will get 0 inheritance from me. When
I die, don't come to my janaza.
And the wife will say, don't listen to
your dad. If you don't become a doctor
like my uncle, you're not my son.
DNA gun. You're not my son. Right?
No. If they want to do something, they
want to be a TV host,
they want to be a Muslim comedian, they
want to become a teacher, they want to
become an inventor,
They want to become the next prime minister.
Why not?
Why not? If you have the ability and
the desire, and they want to do something
halal,
not haram, I want to become a black
magician.
No. If you want to do something haram
with a good intention, we should support them,
and Allah will be creative. If you force
them to become what you want,
not what they want, they will not succeed.
And, InshaAllah, in the second football, I'm gonna
give you one of the most
As he said, every one of us, including
kids,
they are gifted in a way or another.
So our job is to look for the
gift, find it, extract it, just like we
extract gold from the ground,
and develop it, and help your kids improve.
And in many cases, when the gift is
not discovered,
then the gift is lost.
Right? The gift is lost.
And the point about Muhammad SAW, he had
this gift of finding talents in the community
and using them for the service of the
community.
So one of the most amazing hadith that
I came across of finding gifts and talents
in the community,
and they had the the story is narrated
by the person himself in the hadith, in
al Nasai, Abidawood,
and also a Sahih Muslim, so it's an
authentic hadith. It has been authenticated.
So basically, Abu Mahdura
Abu Mahdura was a young man,
and basically in this hadith, he said, when
the prophet
was coming from Hunayn,
and he was camping outside Mecca, Abu Mahdura
was not Muslim. He was a young man,
not Muslim. So when he heard about the
camp of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
he took 9 of his friends, and they
went to the camp to watch them from
outside.
So he said Bilal was making a van,
and we were making fun of Bilal.
Ashar alu allah. And he was saying, oh,
no, no, no, no, to make fun of
the ad ban. That's what it says in
this authentic hadith, nasi, the word, sign Muslim.
So he said, we were making fun of
Bilal, all of us, the 10 of us.
The voice of Abu Mahdura in this in
these 10 peep 10 young people.
He brought them there. And Abu Mahdura said,
my knees were knocking together. I'm a dead
man. I'm making fun of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam and Bilal and the Sahaba. They
brought me there, and the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam said to each one of them,
make adan.
So they went on, 1 by 1, they
made adan.
And eventually, Abu Ma'adura was the last one.
He made the adan amazing voice.
Maybe he missed a few words in the
adan. He didn't know it properly, but his
voice was amazing.
So the prophet
said, take off your turban. He took off
his turban and the prophet
put his hand on his head and he
made dua for him. Allahu lalaba'ariqlahu
wahdiheelib Islam. You Allah bless him and guide
him to Islam. So he took shahar.
And Nabi salalahu alaihi wa sallam said to
him, now you are the Imam of Makkah.
Go to the haram.
You are the official imam now. And he
said, but I don't know the imam properly.
Teach me. And the prophet
said, okay. This is the adhan. He taught
him how to say adhan, and this is
what you say for Fajr salatul Khairul minun
now. And he taught him the iqamah the
Hanafi way. The way the Ahna do their
Yakama,
4 times and 2 times. This we get
from a hadith of, Sahih Muslim from Abu
Mahdura.
And Abu Mahdura said, because the prophet
put his hand on his head, on his
hair and made the offering three times, he
says, wallahi,
I will never shave the hair that has
been touched by Muhammad
So they say in the narrations,
Sir Alam bin Nubalaal al Nizawi, that he
left his hair, he never shaved his hair
after. From the young age till he died.
He said the his hair grew all the
way to his knee. He never shaved it.
He used to tie it and, you know,
braids braids, whatever.
He said, I I will never shave it
Out of love for Muhammad
he became the Muadhan of the Haram. His
son became the Muadhan, his grandchildren became the
Muadhan of the Haram all the way to
the time of Imam al Shafi'i because of
the barakah of the dua of Muhammad
So now imagine
if Muhammad the most important man on earth,
and these little kids, these young men are
making fun of him, and he's Mu'azim, and
he will say, kill them.
Khalaas. Bye bye.
No. He found the gift. They are young,
they are ignorant, they don't know nothing.
Yeah. So we forgive him and we teach
him to listen, and we use their gift
for something beneficial to the community. So we
need to look for the gifts in our
kids
and use it in a way that is
beneficial to the community. To
give us the best in this life and
the best in the long to come. You
have sincerity in everything we'll say and do.
Forgive our sins. Accept our good deeds according
to the best of our ability.