Jumu’ah khutbah delivered by Shaykh Musleh Khan at the Islamic Institute of Toronto. February 26, 2016
Musleh Khan – Quranic Guide of Parental Respect
AI: Summary ©
The conversation covers the topic of parents' age and language systems, as well as the importance of language systems in the culture of the United States. The speakers emphasize avoiding salt in people's foods and advising parents to avoid confusion and lack of negative sentiment. They also discuss the use of "has" in Arabic to signal events and actions, and the importance of education for parents and children. The speakers stress the need for parents to be mindful of their children and to be prepared for unexpected events.
AI: Summary ©
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my brothers and sisters.
right from the very beginning, for a lot of you you are familiar with some of the verses that I've recited. These verses are some of the central verses in the Quran that deal with probably one of the most crucial topics in our day and age. And that is how we deal with our parents. Now, I know that everybody's sitting here, you're well acquainted of the topic of parents and we need to be respectful with them, and we need to be righteous towards them and so on. But perhaps I'll give you a perspective about these particular areas that you have not heard of, is Nila aeterna. The first thing you want to know about these verses this, these are the verses that are called a a tool off is
the verse that mentions this term of which we will come to a little bit later in sha Allah.
These particular verses, normally are used when you're talking about parents. But it actually specifically refers to parents who have attained an old age and Allah azza wa jal in the poor and every time he begins the discussion about parents, he always subhanho wa Taala begins by establishing worship, what are called auto book taboo in Allah azza wa jal has prescribed for you that you worship none but him. Why would you introduce a topic like parents by talking about Allah azza wa jal? Why would he subhanho wa Taala do that in the beginning, and this happened several time, several times in Poland. scholars say one of the wisdoms is that you're only going to get or
understand this topic or the importance of parents, the cycle, the psychology of parents and how to respect them, it's only going to make sense to you if you have a good relationship with a lot. Because let's face it, especially those of you that have parents that have attained an old age.
Usually when parents are at that age, they become very difficult. They'll talk to you and you'll be 50 or 60 years old, but they'll still talk to you like a kid. Why are you dressed that way? How can you tie your hijab? How come there's so much salt in the food that I teach you to cook this way, they'll still talk to you like a child. And if it's not that then you'll also have to deal with the little things that they want, you know their furniture to be a certain way they want you to walk a certain way put this here put their there but this they're they're very meticulous about their way of life. So this guy is going to teach you how to tolerate that and the introduction Allah gives you
is you better make sure you are grounded and firm with your relationship with Allah. Before you have a good relationship with your parents. The one who does not or has a bankrupt relationship with a lot. You're going to find your relationship with parents and extremely difficult to
come back to 2016.
Look at look at what happens to children today.
You know a lot of you hear a lot of the brothers and sisters the fathers and mothers hear you remember when you were a kid and your father told you or your mother told you to do something, what would you do 70 Anna or Aparna you would listen and you would obey even if
She told you or your father told you, I need you, I want you to marry so and so. You wouldn't even ask questions, you would just go and marry that person. Because why your parents said, So? Well look at kids today. When you tell a child, you need to be good to your parents. They'll ask you why he never did anything for me.
He promised that he would give me an allowance. And he never did that. justify to me, telling me why I should be good to my parents. That's the fitna that we deal with today. Once upon a time being righteous to parents was the easiest command in the quarter. And today, it's one of the most difficult commands in the Quran.
This is the fitna that we're dealing with, where is all of this coming from? The answer brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers, if you're trying to get through to your kids about this topic? The answer is, look at a slum in your house.
The irony of all ironies
is some parents bring their children to the massage bed, what hamdulillah put them in Islamic schools, what hamdulillah give them their Islamic dosage, wherever they can find it while hamdulillah and forget that the real Islamic school is your house. The real Islamic reminder is from you. The real Islamic example, is you.
And you're losing sight that trying to solve all one problem. But you're creating a whole bunch of other little problems in between. This is why Allah keeps reminding you when I'm going to speak to you about parents, this discussion starts off with a loss worship. Look at how Islam is in the house. It's a dilemma that when their children come to an Islamic school and they're listening to or an but when they're driving back in the car with you, they're listening to songs and music, what kind of message are you sending these kids? Then they become very confused. You have to make a decision and you have to really assess what does Islam the worship of Allah look like in your home?
Then Allah continues in the verse. And then this is when things get real. Allah azza wa jal uses a term we all know what build where the Dana Cerner malerkotla? Will bill Apple waney Cerner Now there's two ways you can say mother and father in Arabic. Number one Father is usually called Evelyn, Father, Mother on one. Another way you can say father and mother in Arabic is well ID and why leader? What's the difference between the two at Boone and Oman? is just your mom and dad? Why did and why did that is your biological parents.
Allah is talking in this area or in all throughout the end. You need to have a son, especially with your biological parents, whoever they are. Do you notice Allah doesn't put a condition? Allah doesn't say, we're bill Worley, Dini, son and Phil Islam. Allah doesn't say that they have to be your biological parents who are practicing Muslims. Allah says as long as you to your birth mother, as long as it's your biological father, they deserve a second before anybody else you want to call mom and dad.
So where does that leave us? This is the answer now to a lot of Muslims who have non Muslim parents, and they always ask the question, what should my relationship be with my parents saw Hebrew method dunya ma alpha, you should be really good. And Allah says in the dunya meroofer. This term alpha is a universal standard. Allah is saying to you be good to your parents, just like everybody else in the world, and how they are good to their parents, whatever is classified as good and righteous. That's how you should treat your parents Muslim or not. This is something that is unanimous and is agreed upon amongst scholars.
Why use the term sn?
Let me ask you a question.
What is the highest state of mn the highest state of mn is called a send.
A send by definition is that you worship Allah as though you see him.
But you can't see him. He sees you. Think about when you're at work and the President is watching you.
Are you going to be sloppy on your job? No, because you can see the President and the President can see you. In our case, Allah says he is a semi old vasilis watching these listening to you.
That is the highest level of a man when you're worshiping day and night.
Because you always look and you always think that Allah is watching me.
That's actually a starting point. When it becomes righteousness to parents. you endure amen with accent but you start your obedience with a center parents. That's how much respect they deserve. You don't have time to try to work obedience and build respect for your mom and dad, Allah is literally saying to you just do it. Stop asking questions, your father told you to do something, you do it, your mother told you to do something you do it. Don't ask why don't say in sha Allah don't do anything.
You need to have a son when you're dealing with them, do what they say.
As long as they're telling you to do something good. And you don't get it, do it. Then a lot continues, things start to get a little bit more interesting in the A a in a bull ohana in the Cal kibber a huduma Oklahoma. So Allah now gives you a situation this is the just the heart of the A Allah saying to you now if one of your parents or both of them have attained old age. So this area is specifically dealing with parents who are at our at an old old age, they can't mobilize themselves, they can't move around, they can't do much for themselves. Allah says that when they're at that stage, here's the first thing Allah says to you. He doesn't say cook for them.
He doesn't say clean for them. He doesn't say do this or do that. The first thing Allah says is don't say, oh,
Watch your tongue. Watch how you speak to people who are old enough to be your mother and father, watch how you speak to them. Our messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us
that whoever curses a man and that man is able to be your father, you are punished as though you cursed your own father.
So apply that logic to the A A, anybody who's old enough to be your father to be your mother, respect them and don't say to them.
Look at the image that Paul urn paints for you.
Then come back to 2016
and see what the world looks like.
today. So panela you see these young kids? You got to feel sorry for them because you know what? They're being fed. They're being fed TV shows that have parents and the parents look like idiots. They're the biggest goofs in every TV show. Think about it. The kid doesn't want to go to the mall with the dad, because that's really embarrassing. That's what's plugged into their brains. And now you have to try to figure out how to show and present some panela you have to try to prove to yourself that you are a worthy person to your child to be seen in public. That's what we're dealing with. Now. It's the heart one of the most difficult commands for young people. May Allah azza wa jal
give us strength.
What exactly is
in Arabic This term is called SM feral. It's the name that describes an action. What kind of action?
Oh for the Arabic. The Arabs would use this term to describe something that was displeasing to their eyes. It was disgusting to look at. That's why one one statement mentions that Arabs would describe the trimmings from a from your finger fingernails. So the nail trimmings when they fall on the fourth floor, they would say off, meaning this is disgusting and it's dirty. So oath literally means something that's just disgusting. It's displeasing. You don't want to be around that. It hurts you It makes you uncomfortable and the people around you.
Allah said, Don't say Oh,
off is not a word. I just told you. It's an action. So what is Allah subhanho wa Taala really addressing here? He didn't say fell out tough. I lahoma of don't commit off with them. He says don't verbalize of I just told you. It's an action. So what is the you're talking about? This is where Allah subhanho wa Taala is teaching you and I something we learn and we hear all the time. Actions speak louder than words.
So Allah is literally saying don't make your facial expression, say the term of tear parents. So you know some kids they have this sarcasm in their face when you tell them go clean up your room. Go do your homework. Okay, shut off the TV now. Okay, it's time for bed now. And they give you this kind of disgust face like my mom is just so crazy. They roll their eyes.
All of that falls under the umbrella of OAuth.
And when parents who see this and they look at this, parents will love you one advice from one parent to another, from a counselor to all of you.
Don't let these little things go. Don't trivialize them.
Don't trivialize when your kids roll their eyes. Don't trivialize when your kids just look at you like you're the biggest idiot in their life. You need to talk to them. You need to address this problem. People always ask me how I counsel kids, I don't even know I don't even have an answer. My secret weapon with young people is listening to them. That's it. Just listen to them and respect them and hear them out and go from there. This is what you need to do. It is unbelievable the magnitude of our communities how disconnected parents are to their children. They're so disconnected, even percentage statistically, it's by far more than 70% of families in Ontario alone
don't actually know the complete affairs of their own children, Muslim and non Muslims 30% maybe have an idea of what's going on in their kids lives
a lot so it just says don't even say Oh,
then Allah continues what hola hola hola. And Kadima say to them words of Kadima, words of kindness. So even if you don't mean it, Allah didn't put a condition with, say words of kindness. A legend said Just say it. So even if you don't agree, even if you don't want to thank you, dad. Thanks, Mom. I love you to that. I love you too, Mom, for whatever reason, it's burning in your heart that you don't want to say something nice with your parents. Make yourself do it. There's no tricks to this brothers and sisters. That's what the a is teaching. It's not complicated. We make it complicated because you know what we do? We bring our bad habits into this. We bring our culture into this. And
it becomes such a confusing topic, a confusing situation when we're dealing with our kids. We bring them in a little agenda in the masjid. And then we put them back out into fitna out there again, we give them a loose rope. Let them do say what they want. Let them be friend who they want. You know, I remember a parent A long time ago, her son used to come home every single day at 2am. And she let this go by for months. Eventually.
Her son got into some problem with the law. They came to my office. So I asked the mother, how did you let this go every day for all for such a long time? She says to me, he says I thought that he was actually going to the masjid at that time. Maybe he was praying Pm oleyl or something. Don't be naive with your children be real. Because remember in our shittier in Islam in the Quran, every problem has a solution. Allah azza wa jal with a sincere heart. Allah azza wa jal puts you through things to make you better people. So if you have a defiant child, treat that child as a human being listen and talk to them and communicate. This is how you develop within the child's mind that when
they see the opposite out there, they see the real in front of you. Then the eye gets interesting. It continues. What field Allahumma Jana has limini ragna Walker, Rob Durham Omar Kamara Bayani Saavedra. Now here's an idea we hear all the time, lower the wings of humility and mercy upon them and make dua to have mercy on my mother and father because they had mercy on me when they were raising me. You know why the latter part of that area is so important, because every parent knows it's life and death when you're raising children, especially the mother.
You young kids, you need to listen to this more than anybody else. Especially you young kids that have a sharp tongue with your parents.
One day, you're going to realize one day, if Allah wills, you're going to realize that alone will make you a parent.
And for the young sisters, every mother knows that delivering a child is life and death. Your mother almost died giving birth to you.
Your father is putting himself on the line every single day. So when you want your next pair of Jordans, he'll buy it for you. When you need tuition fee, he'll provide that for you. When you need protection and security. He'll take the bullet for you.
Show respect. show love and acceptance and bring it out force it out of you for your mother and father. Go back to the beginning of this first one Fiddler homogenic has the Lord the wings of humility and
Mercy. What does that mean? You see, you have to make core and relate to you speak to you. Lower the wings are mercy who understands that? What does that exactly mean? Allah is telling you, when you have your parents in front of you lower yourself to their level, whatever that may be. So an example is, a lot of our parents never went to school. They worked at farms, they weren't they were back home. But you lived in this world, in this country. And Allah gave you education, you have a degree, you went and got a PhD. So you can pronounce all the I have every word, but your mom can barely speak English, unless said lower yourself to her. Make yourself at her level or even below. That's
what lower your wings of mercy is to the parents. Don't think that you are better than your mother and your father just because you've got a little bit of education. And I've always said, education doesn't make a person good. Education is just knowledge of a skill. You can perform a skill, it doesn't actually make you a good person. That's why you have lawyers and doctors that are terrible husbands and wives.
Then a luck engineers.
Some of the kids probably are saying some of you who have parents here, you probably looking at me and saying you know what, Brother Muslim, I understand what you're saying. I understand what support and what the Horan is telling me about parents. But you don't know my mom and dad. You don't live in my house.
I know it. I'm a counselor, this is my this is my work. I hear everything.
But here's the thing, that I know that some of these young people don't know. The whole end has all the answers. Keep reading. Rob will come out and will be Murphy no fujichrome. You think I don't know what's in your house. But look what Allah says to you. Because you have a good connection with Allah. Because you did walk out autoboca Allah terrible, do Illa you did that? Allah says, I know what's going on with you. I know what's happening within you. I know how you feel about boom and will be Matthew fusi. Come I know what's happening inside of you. So if you can complain to Brother Musleh you can complain to the show you you can complain to the community, you can talk to anybody.
Allah is saying I'm still here.
Why are you forgetting me?
Why don't you talk to me, mothers and fathers sitting here.
It is unbelievable. How blessed a mother and father is unbelievable.
Everything you say and you call upon with a lie. So until is accepted.
Every dollar you call upon for a lot, especially for your children is accepted.
Why would you disconnect that and go to somebody like us like me and say brother must I help my kid. You are the greatest counselor. You are the greatest therapy for your child. You have to figure out a way to talk to them. I can help you with how to communicate, but you have to go back home with these kids.
And so alive saying I know what you're going through. And you parents use your doula. It is your secret tool to getting anything done anything accomplished in your life, especially with your children
into Kunal sila him if you're really telling the truth,
in who can live our being a fool.
Allah azza wa jal says he is a well being
and forgiving. What's a web? A word comes from the word out Weber. Some scholars said alphabet is the root word for a uvala his Salaam His name
is literally what is literally this. I'll explain it to you. So really pay attention. It's one of the most beautiful words in the Quran
describes somebody that walks a path in one direction for 1000 years, 2000 years, 100 years, 60 years. They keep going in the wrong direction.
And then they stop and they say to themselves. I haven't visited my parents in almost 10 years.
I haven't said anything good to them.
I haven't had a relationship with my mom. And as a matter of fact, my mom and dad have passed away. How am I supposed to have better lead into them now? What am I supposed to do? After the parents died? Then they woke up and they realize what they lost. I'll give you a story of a sister that I know she was going to visit her mother. After 18 years.
18 years she never saw her mom. She kept prolonging schoolwork, etc, etc, etc. She put up your arm away.
Jr, Jr, Jr. Jr. Over like all 18 years.
One day she found out or a month, she found out that her mother was very sick.
And the sickness was getting worse and worse and worse. So she booked her flight. She was gonna go back home and see her mother after 18 years, as she standing in line at the airport has happened right here in Toronto. As she's standing in line at the airport, waiting to check in for her flight. You should have seen her. She did herself up well, she was prepared. She had flowers gifts, so much for her mother. She built the excitement for herself. She was excited to go see her mother 18 years while she's in the lineup. She gets a phone car that her mother is dead.
You have no idea when you have a mother and father. scholars say
once there was a man that came to the Prophet sighs Solomon said yellow soul, I want to be your companion. But I left my mom and my dad crying.
Want to be your companion?
So the prophets they sell them says you left your mother and your father crying. Go back to them and make them laugh and cry. make them laugh, just like how you made them cry. Go back there. This man wants to be a companion of the Prophet I sell them. He wants to make Beyer to him. But because you've got parents that are sad, go back. I don't want you here. There's more reward with them. My brothers and sisters just a few thoughts I want to leave you with in the second part of the hookah. May Allah azza wa jal love and protect our moms and dads. May Allah subhanho wa Taala shower his acceptance and mercy upon our mothers and fathers who are with us and those who have passed on. May
Allah azza wa jal protect our sons and our daughters, and May Allah azza wa jal flourish their hearts with Beware the deen a lot of them I mean, I'll call them smart one was stockfeed Lucha de wala Kumari, sir even assuming them included them first off in the hula for watching
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah while early he was happy he woman while I'm buried.
Those of you who have lost your mom and dad, may Allah azza wa jal give them Jenna, may Allah azza wa jal reunite you with them. In genital Farah Del Sol Erica long, I mean, don't think it's over and you don't have beautiful validation anymore. Don't think it's over.
You can make our own little for your mom and dad.
You can definitely continue to make Dora and Allah guarantees all of your while is accepted.
You can pray for them. You can give sadaqa on their behalf, you can donate on their behalf, you can do a service on their behalf. There's so much you can do for your parents. Don't lose sight of this. Don't lose sight of this and don't trivialize what you still have. And those of you who have mothers and fathers that have died and that they weren't Muslim, I get it in the core and that you can't ask a lot of forgive them. What you can do is hope and pray that Allah gives them the best ASAP accountability on your piano. You don't get to decide what that is. This is why the wild out off is there. Allah will deal with these people. But if your parents especially are good people, it's
important that you don't forget them. Because still at the end of the day, it is your mother it is your father. That could have been the worst person you know in your life, but still it's your mom and dad.
So there's so much you can still do. But at least at this point that I conclude with all of you,
and especially the students here may Allah azza wa jal love and protect our moms and dads. May Allah azza wa jal give them Jenna, may Allah subhanho wa Taala give our mothers and fathers Jenna May Allah azza wa jal give them his forgiveness and his mercy and acceptance and enter that enter them in his paradise along I mean, these are the words that I leave you with brothers and sisters and when you send peace and blessings to our soul salewa Toby was Salam aleikum Ahmad on a subhanho wa Taala Phaeton xili. In the LA Mola eco tahu saloon Ireland nebby. Yeah, you're Latina M and was solo early. He was certainly more Taslima Allahumma salli. ala Muhammad wa ala early Mohammed camisa.
Later Allah Ibrahim awada early Ibrahima innaka. homido Majeed a long muffling will see me no one was slimmer, while me Nina will minute I hear you mean whom well and what in the Caribbean semi or Mooji Buddha was a long Indian and a silicon agenda or macabre by la hamming code in a woman when our
With the becoming another one macabre la Herman colon or a woman or a banner ad Tina Fey dunya has an awful earth that it has been working out. Now, supernovae catabolize that Yama is a foreigner was Salam O Allah Muslim. Welcome to the law European Adam