Musleh Khan – Life with Children #20 Social Media and Digital Devices

			Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim, Al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was
Salam ala rasulillah. And he often said a woman Wyler. So we're going to talk about social media,
along with digital devices, when to introduce this to your children, but also for the young adults
in the family, just how to give you give you some sense of like a sense of control, like a
methodology of that you can follow that you can engage with social media, you can have your digital
device, nothing wrong with any of that. But just to keep things under control, that you can pace
yourself, your time and level of consumption, all of these different things. That's what we want to
		

			address today. So first point is when it comes to having a social media account, it's not as bad as
people think it is. You know, there's a lot of fear just because of how vulnerable our accounts in
our profiles and even pictures of ourselves can be when we post this stuff online. And there are
literally dozens and dozens of articles that you can read about that when something is posted
online, there's a good chance that it's there forever, it might get lost with the billions and
trillions of other images that are online with the point is, it still will just it would still
remain within cyberspace. So it's really important to just keep that in the back of your mind so
		

			that you're cautious of what it is that you want to put up. What it is that you want to say about
yourself, all of these things incredibly important. Now, I'm not going to talk to you about why you
should have a social media. But more or less focus on the cons, you know, some of the things that we
need to make sure that we're concerned about and that we're where we don't forget, when we or our
kids are on social media platforms. And then after that, we'll go on to the digital device, just a
couple of things to keep in mind. And we'll conclude for today, inshallah. So I've got my trusty
notes here with a few points that I've jotted down. So the first is, as we mentioned, the privacy
		

			factor. Privacy is enormous on social media, in the sense that if you don't read the disclaimers, if
you don't read the Privacy Act, there's a good chance that there's going to be something within
those privacy acts and agreement that it's going to slip your mind, you're never gonna know about it
in where your account might be used, certain things that you post might be used the pattern and how
you navigate through social media. So Facebook has algorithms that whenever you're navigating either
through Amazon AliExpress, or other places, when you're shopping and things like that, if you notice
that, when you go back into your Facebook account, you'll notice that all the advertisements that
		

			are there are very similar, if not the exact same of the things that you were looking for in other
platforms. So everything's kind of interlocked in the sense that if you're searching in a completely
different app or website, and somehow it shows up on your social media account, and it continues to
lure you in and advertise for you, so that you can purchase and then that sort of thing. So the kind
of cater the advertisements, to your, your web search pattern and the things that you're you're
you're looking for. So just keep that in mind. But then there's the bigger issue, which as we
mentioned, it's it's about you, it's about your personal identity. And so parents, if you introduce
		

			social media, and you allow your kids to have accounts, whether on tik tok or this or that, here's
the here's the first piece of advice, open an account for yourself, and add your kid as a friend or
connect with them. Make sure that this is a journey that you both share together, don't allow for
the first time that they just jump on social media world and start navigating and searching and you
know, potentially getting in contact with people that might make you uncomfortable or seeing things
that make you upset and uncomfortable. So if you're going to introduce that, then by all means, open
up your an account for yourself. So at least you're connected with your kids, and you know what's
		

			happening online. Secondly, it's all about time consuming. These are things to be concerned about
the time factor. It's a reality that even during isolation on lockdown, people are literally just
binge eating off of social media and that's understandable to an extent. But for us as believers
time is the greatest asset that we have. But it's also the greatest loss that we suffer from. And
it's important to know that in the Quran, Allah subhanho wa Taala gives an oath by times several
places in the Quran. Well, when federal was shamcey Waldo her Katana, Betty Sara, all these a Allah
is giving an oath by time while are also so when a prophet or when Allah Subhan
		

			With her that gives an oath or swears by time. That is the peak of importance and stress that Allah
subhanaw taala is putting on that particular title or principle when he gives an oath by it. Nuff
said. He's even some animal without any need to explain any further, but he continues to explain why
that happens. So the time issue is really important. Again, if you're introducing this stuff to your
kids, you might want to schedule in social media time and digital device time for the young adults
look, you have to know that with with in terms of your time and how you consume them, you have to
also be cognizant and aware that time is everything for you. When you're in college and university,
		

			you need to make sure that you organize your time to the best of your ability. And it's really,
really important that you keep in the back of your mind that the Prophet alayhi salatu wa sallam
told us that it's actually in this age, when you're a young adult, it's where the body collides.
It's where the time when you study when you learn when you memorize that this knowledge is going to
remain with you. And it's not like when somebody gets older, the elder when they're trying to learn
knowledge, the prophet alayhi salaatu wa Salaam compares that to somebody trying to write on water.
You know, the moment you write something, as you're writing, it's disappearing. So as you're
		

			learning you're forgetting. So you want to make sure that you keep your time consumption on social
media under control. I meet so many young adults see so many young adult Muslims as well, that
really and truly spend hours and hours and hours a day on social media. I'm not really sure what
they're doing. If it's beneficial. That's one thing. If it's a little bit of everything else, all
we're saying is just to manage that appropriately, faculty quality happen, how can I give everything
its rightful time and place? Number three, again, parents, beware of this bullies, cyber bullies,
there are millions and millions of accounts and false identities that are online. And within within
		

			that there are literally 1000s of accounts of cyber bullies, people that are out there to encourage
and influence your child in the worst way. So it's really important, this is why I'm saying, if your
kid has a social media accounts, Instagram or whatever, you should also have one as well, you should
be connected, because you're basically putting them into a world by themselves a separate world from
this reality. The digital world is a separate place, you know, planet by itself. And you're
basically saying, Well, look, you know, I'll hold your hand and protect you here. When you go into
that world, you're on your own, you can have your own account and do whatever you want no, open an
		

			account as well, and go through that journey so that you're also able to protect them from cyber
bullies. Next point. It's addictive. Social media can be addictive, again, hundreds of articles
about this. So keep in mind that when you're sitting there and you're scrolling through profiles, or
looking at videos, after videos, after videos, that has to come with a discipline. This is why for
parents with young children, put time limits on this stuff, but for the young adults, all I will say
to you is one thing, Fear Allah subhanho wa Taala. That's it. And if you're sitting there as a young
man, as a young woman, and then as a mature adult, and you're just sitting there going through
		

			profiles, checking out people looking at their pictures, looking at their comments, you know, doing
all of that stuff, for all the wrong reasons. Fear Allah subhana wa Tada, you are old enough to hear
that you are old enough to understand what that means. Allah subhanho wa Taala, a seven year old
bossy of he's the one that hears everything. And he's the one that's monitoring everything as well.
So just keep that in mind and Shalom, Tara them. And something else to also keep in mind is some of
the ramifications that come out of people who spend a lot of time on social media. When you develop
digital friends, it's hard to make real life friends. When you depend on validation through, you
		

			know, when somebody comments or hits the like button or you know, sends you a heart or something.
When you look for validation there, then you're not going to appreciate when people smile and say hi
to you. You're not going to appreciate that stuff in real life. You know, there was a study done by
a an expert in the United States. I believe she was from America. She wanted to study some of the
secrets that led to long life. And her research went on for several months. And it eventually took
her into a remote area in Italy, a small tiny community, where she found out that the average
lifespan for residents in that community was close to 100 years old. I think it had one of the
		

			highest lifespan averages in the world.
		

			world. So she went there. And she started, you know, talking to locals and asking them what do
people do? What do people eat, how do they work, exercise, etc. And she was talking to many of the
elders there. Here's a couple of things that she found out. When it came to social media, it almost,
it almost was non existent. So it forced people to socialize with each other. And in terms of
exercise, yeah, there were people exercising, there were people that were eating well, but at the
end of the day,
		

			people were just eating what they wanted to eat what they craved and desire. And they just did that
under control. So if they wanted sugar, if they wanted sweets, they had all of those things. But it
was all moderate to was done very, it was done under control in the sentence. And the conclusion of
her research, she went on those TED Talks, and she presented the results of her research. And you
would not believe the number one contributor towards long lasting and a long life that is healthy
and long lasting. She said that the number one thing that she discovered through her research was
		

			that socializing and interacting with people was what led these people, and everyone else will live
so long, like that was the strongest contributor. It wasn't exercise, it wasn't healthy eating,
wasn't eating organic foods, those were all important. But the number one thing was some handle up
just interacting with people. Because why the way the body reacts, and the validation that you
receive, when somebody actually says You did a great job, Hey, man, I'm so proud of you, Hey, man, I
was looking at you, Hey, man, this and that was that real life interaction, there is nothing in this
world that is in comparison to that. And unfortunately, with the digital world, and social media,
		

			it's shifted, a lot of these young people, it's shifted their attention, where if somebody doesn't
hit the like button or doesn't comment or ignores their posts, it's like the end of the world for
some people. And that could have like real, you know, psychological effects on somebody, and you
start to become real depressed, you start to bubble yourself, and you just can't see the value of
real life interaction with real people. So it's really important that when we delve into this world
of social media, that we try our very best not to balance but to put the majority of the weight and
time and efforts in real life relationships with people. I mean, there's so much research on this
		

			area that there are now like videos and articles of people encouraging you just not to have any
social media at all, it's unhealthy in every possible way. So just something to keep in mind in
terms of a digital device, for parents, giving your your kids their first cell phone or iPad. Just
keep in mind the health risks. So there's little things that you can do to help with that. Because
of the radiation, the blu rays, the blu ray, that comes from the screen, that's that's stressful on
the eyes, like all of these things could be, you know, take a toothpick take a significant toll on
your health and in the child's health. There. There's research that has already concluded that
		

			people who spend a lot of time with bright screens in front of their face, especially in a nighttime
in a dark room, it could have a long, long term effect on their eyesight. So their eyesight could
start to become weaker and weaker as time progresses. And I thought to myself, some had a lump. So
that's why you have those blue light filters that that are on the phone. So you might want to use
that as well. And some of the newer phones, you also want to make sure to leave the brightness a
little bit lower than you would usually have just to relieve some of that stress on your eyes.
Again, for young kids scheduled time on their digital device. Don't just hand them an iPad, download
		

			50 games and just say, Okay, yeah, you can go and have fun with it. That that is also another
problem, because that leads to the other issue with digital devices, which is advertisements, you
know, your kid might be playing like Mario or something, or was that other one called subway surf or
something, right. And they're just playing, they're just doing their thing, nice cartoon, nice
colors. And all of a sudden, boom, a crazy advertisement just blinks the screens, pauses the game,
and they have to watch this stuff. And I really don't know why that happens. Unfortunately, it's
almost impossible to stop it. So just keep that in mind. Even when they're watching YouTube videos,
		

			especially some of the longer ones, it'll pause. And then it'll just bring you to some random
commercial, that it's something that you would never want your kids to see. One last thing that I
wanted to mention is of course, the whole idea of the distraction factor. When it comes to digital
devices. There's no doubt there's absolutely no doubt that it can be an enormous distraction for you
and for your kids and for the young adults as well. You guys know exactly what that what that what
that's all about. You know, sometimes when you need to focus and study and do the things that you
need to do, you need to just shut off
		

			The device or put it away, what I usually tell students is take a break from a digital device every
now and then when I say take a break, I don't mean, turn off your phone, wipe it all out, reset it,
box it and shove it in the basement somewhere. No, when I say take a break, turn it off for a day,
just put it in your room, put it in your drawer or something, just turn it off, read it or put it on
silent. If you're worried that you're going to miss important calls and messages, I always tell
people like no matter how important it is, if it's an emergency, they will find a way to get you,
you people. I mean, there's just so many different ways to communicate and reach out to people, they
		

			will find a way to get you if it's an emergency. Otherwise, just put it on silent. And I'll tell you
something. For the last year, I've started doing this. As a matter of fact, I don't even I almost
never have my ringtone on anymore. So when I have it in my pocket at home, in my car, it's just on
vibrate. And I started doing that just because the moment I hear a thing, I get a notification or
the phone is ringing. It pauses everything that I'm involved with. And I'm doing even if I'm playing
with my kids, and I go back and I found myself I made the habit of going to my phone and checking
it, then going to my phone and checking in. And 99% of the time, there was nothing there, there was
		

			nothing useful. So I thought to myself, well, let me just try this, let me just put this on vibrate
and see what happens. And Hamdulillah, it almost changed immediately where I found myself, I didn't
have to run to the phone each and every time I heard a ding because I didn't hear it. And when I
felt like I was bored, or I was I had some downtime, I was the one that took it upon myself. And I
would just go to my phone and check it. And if I missed a call, Oh, I missed a call call back to
person. Oh, I see some notifications about an hour ago. So I've responded An hour later, no big
deal. And it's made my life so much more relaxed. So much more relaxed, man, some handle law. And I
		

			just thought to myself, look how easy it was to control that. And that's what social media is.
That's the way our digital devices are designed. I mean, I've read articles about this, where if you
notice how Android and even apple and all of these devices, how they organize their apps in such a
way that you'll have one screen full of apps, but then you're able to have multiple blank screens.
And just psychologically what's the reaction now you have these blank screens. And so you want to
keep downloading more apps, and to set up these platforms this way. It's a marketing technique where
it can encourage you to continue to make use of your digital device and download more and more. And
		

			then before you know it, even the apps that you started enjoying that you continue to download,
they're outdated, or they work better on an upgraded device. So what do you want to do, you want to
be able to continue to use those apps and upgrade out to another device. And that's how the cycle
goes. And so just keep these things in mind. A digital device at the end of the day is just a
digital device. It's nothing more than that, how you use it depends on you. But at the end of the
day, it's just a just a little machine, it's just a little device, you can do anything you want with
it, you can turn it off, you can take a break from it, you can do whatever it is that you want. I
		

			know some students will literally shut down your social media for the month of Ramadan. If that's
something that works for you then by all means, but at the end of the day, as long as you find
benefit in these things and you use it in the right way, then there's nothing wrong with it be as
Neela hytera it could actually be a good experience for you and for your family. But that's it comes
at a price and so just keep in mind all of the things that we've been talking about with respect to
this. So as you can see, as you can probably tell, I don't have a one sided approach to having
social media accounts and a digital device. I'm somewhere in the middle, take the good of it and
		

			leave the bad of it. As one particular scholar one said the * out of it just Helen and the
huddled of it is how long so as long as you stick with those principles, inshallah it can be an
unhealthy experience for you in the family. So with that being said, that's all I want to share with
you guys today. Tomorrow in sha Allah another subject and remember, we just have a few more of these
videos left please continue to share it please continue to talk about it, discuss it, watch it with
your family and inshallah Butera inshallah lo Tara that we have a few more videos left with some
very very important topics in the left so keep supporting supporting me guys and encouraging me to
		

			keep doing this when I see you guys online a MOOC urges me to continue to do more and more and I am
benefiting it for benefiting from this first and foremost before anybody else and so I prayed
littlest pelotonia accepted from me and from all of us just like my level heightened please guys
stay safe wherever you are, and all of you that you send your cell amps in the comments while equals
salon Washington to local workout too. So take care of your buddies stay safe and stay healthy so
that you can learn to love