Musleh Khan – Life with Children #04 Gratitude towards Parents

			Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu everyone Bismillah recommendable Rahim al hamdu Lillahi
Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was salam, ala they shut off your MBA you are more saline, either he
		

			attempted to swim. So here is the fourth installment of life with children life with young adults.
And today it's actually the second piece of advice from Lockman, either his salon to his son. For
those of you that are tuning in for the first time, this is not going to be your traditional type of
presentation, but more or less, extracting some of the benefits and lessons, extracting some of the
tools that are within this passage of an advice or pieces of advice from a father to his son, and
how you could utilize those tools in your own parenting skills. And also for the kids that are
watching this for the students and the young adults how you can communicate better and really better
		

			towards your parents as well. And you're going to see today in sha Allah with the next verse, this
is verse number 14 of sort of look man, in where Allah subhanho wa Taala says will assign an
incentive to be where the day he hammered at home or when in either one or feel sad or Wolfie our
main anish could really well you early de la de La Masia. So this is the only verse that we're going
to look at right now in sha Allah. First and foremost, what will Celina will assign that comes from
their word was saw, and you will saw has a number of different meanings in the core. And it could
mean that we had enjoying them together, too. So in other words, mankind came together for this one
		

			purpose. So when Allah subhanaw taala starts off an area or a section with the word will CEO or wasa
or will Cena what he's saying is that this is one of the purposes of your existence. So aligned. So
agile is saying, well, we'll slain incense, and we gave direction we enjoined mankind to come
together for this one piece of advice. So in other words, this is a universal message to all of
mankind, everybody has got to treat their parents in this particular way that the a is going to
reveal. So we'll say in an insane and as we mentioned, insane person or people, and it is the plural
for insulin will be where the day where the day, obviously is from, it's referring to parents. But
		

			interestingly enough, Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us here, that particularly when it comes to the
mother, so we're talking about advice between a Father and the Son, and the first piece of advice
was strictly about Allah. So who came next? It's mom, it's so far, it's not really anything to do
with the Father specifically about himself and his son. So mom now came in first before the father
decided to say anything of himself or pieces of advice that comes from his own heart, that that's,
that has something to do with him. So a lot and so adjusters will assign an incentive bydd hammer
that or more when an earlier one. So the mother carried the child one and either one. So here's the
		

			thing, here's what's happening here.
		

			You know, we we just finished talking about and being introduced to who Allah is. And as we said in
the previous video, that was all about a higher authority or a higher figure that you have to
motivate yourself to obey and worship, that the rules and the laws come from him. subhanho wa Taala.
So despite if parents might get annoying, or there's conflict all the time, you know, I don't want
to do this. Why do I have to go pray? Now? Why do I have to fast like all of these questions, at
least now that first piece of advice from the Father to the son set the tone, the higher authority
is in charge here? It's not me. But then Allah subhanho wa Taala continues, and does something
		

			absolutely remarkable. This is the second piece of advice. Now, what would be the second piece of
advice that you would share with your children? Now, when I asked this question yesterday for some
of you to share, you know, pieces of advice that revolve around this higher authority of Allah
subhanho wa Taala some of you actually wrote that. Be good to your parents, or listen to your
parents. And it was really interesting to me that how you made that connection between that the
obedience to parents is directly linked to your obedience with Allah subhanho wa Taala. And that's
exactly it. I mean, you have more than a dozen verses of the Quran, that Allah subhanho wa Taala
		

			will tell you to worship Him and immediately after, be good to your parents. So let's understand
what's really happening here. Allah doesn't say beware
		

			The dean, or Allah doesn't use the word center. So we'll be where the data center Allah doesn't say
that righteousness, or that you need to be good and fair to your parents and respect them. None of
that is being talked about in this ayah. Allah singles out something very unique to mum. So all the
mothers out there, and the students that are listening to this, this is how what we say in life,
moms are everything. And that's like us, like I, my dad, and I'm gonna say it straight up, we are
always second place to mothers, we might be able to do certain things like them, we might be able to
do certain things better. But at the end of the day, the fact that they are mother's case, clothes,
		

			they always take precedence. And in terms of respect to honor, devotion, things like that, then the
father does. And that's just the way that it is I'm not trying to hate on any of the fathers out
there. Like I said, I'm a dad myself, my father is still with me on hamdulillah. But I'm saying that
from in terms of our relationship, at the end of the day, the fact that she birthed you, and then
Allah spells it out to iron out all the details. And look, he says how mad at him, he she carried
him. She carried the child wasn't the dad, it was the mother that did all of that. Now pregnancy in
and of itself, with everything that it involves, from the pains from the adjustments from even the
		

			emotional and psychological stress behind it. So for example, is that the mother now has to alter
her entire routine and her entire life because of this one child, like everything about her own
individual needs and desires have now been paused, and actually may never go back to just her in her
alone. And what she, you know, aspires and what she wants, you'll have to like figure out a way to
sort of sneak those intentions and those agenda agendas in later on in her life. But for now, it's
the child. So the first thing is, when it comes to carrying a child, it's not just about just
literally carrying the child, but it's all of the other emotions and all of the other psyches that
		

			are involved in being pregnant. Now, obviously, I only know this because when my wife and I, you
know, we had our own family, and I would see her and I would you know, I would hear some of the
things that she would complain about in terms of pain in terms of what she was thinking about. And
it just made me think that Suppan alone, I feel so useless right now, I can't do anything to stop
this pain. I can't do anything that when she's about to deliver this child to save her, you know,
I'm just standing there, I'm just the bystandard and some kind of lunch, she could die right in
front of me birthing, giving birth to our child, and I can't do anything to stop it. This is why our
		

			Prophet alayhi salatu was Salam once told us that if the mother passes away during a delivery, that
she dies as a Shaheed, like that's how profound that moment is. So it's a big deal that Allah called
out that the first thing to in order to appreciate mom in particular is to just understand that
she's a mother to you, period, because she carried you. Then on top of that Allah singles out the
one and one aspect of that whole carry that whole pregnancy. That is, that's really interesting. And
I'll tell you why it's being singled out here. homiletical. One and Allah weapon, one from the word
one literally means weakness. And so she's going through a pain carrying this child, and it's
		

			weakening her every day of her life every second of her life. And as a matter of fact, you know,
when you speak to mothers, after after they have their child, you know, your body, your strength, it
never goes back the same. Sure, you might, you know, lose some weight, you might start exercising
again, you might start watching your diet again. But at the end of the day, internally, you never
feel the same. Why? Because there's a huge part of you now in terms of energy and devotion, and
stress, and all of those things that have been now taken and shared with this child. When the child
was in her, the child didn't have to pay rent, the child didn't have to go do groceries, he
		

			basically took all the space and food and vitamins and strength and energy and so on, from her. So
now when she gives birth to this child, Allah subhanho wa Taala called out the one thing about why
she's a mother to you that you should appreciate and that is the fact Do you know how much pain she
went through, just so you can be alive to church just so that she could give birth to you. So all of
those moments and those seconds that she went through pain is enough of a reason that even if you're
not pregnant, even if you're not old enough to have your own child is enough of a reason for you to
respect her and honor her. Now, although we're talking about between parent and child here
		

			Also for the husbands out there, this lesson is to us as well. So right now we should, the fact that
a lot does not include Look, man, ie his salon, it doesn't say that Look, man is saying this, his
name is not even mentioned in this area, although he is the one giving the advice, it shows that
Look, man, I leave your salon already got that advice himself, there's a good chance that he's
practicing this with his own family. And so that's really important. Very often parents, we get
caught up in giving all the advice on the planet, to children and our young adults in the house
would tell them all of the things that they should do, don't talk to me like that act this way. Make
		

			sure you listen to me. Well, if you listen to me, or if you followed instructions, and none of this
would have happened, we are very good at making kids feel like every footstep they take is wrong.
And whether that's done intentionally or not as a different story. But the point is, is that Look,
man, I listen, just listen to the choice of words. He's saying, well, we'll see no incentive the
letter of the day. It says that he brings it up in a much more generic way he speaks in third
person, he doesn't say, well, son, I'm going to tell you right now your mother gave birth to you,
and she carried you. And she went through so much. He doesn't do any of that he speaks in third
		

			person. Why so the kid doesn't feel like he's being attacked by his father. And sometimes you have
to do that. Sometimes you have to figure out a more clever way of speaking to your kids about
something that they may have said or done that might upset you or that you're expecting from them.
But you got to do it in a different way. It may not have to come from you, you may have to just
create a scenario and then speak in a third person so that they get the message so they don't feel
targeted, and they don't feel like you're putting them down. Then Allah subhana wa tada continues.
Well, if you saw the whole fat finger anime, so after giving birth to this child, you think that
		

			it's all over? No, actually, the real work is just about to begin, you know, when, when some handle
alone, when she gives birth to a child. And all of you who are parents out there, you know this,
that she has to go through a period of healing. And that healing takes a long time, it takes over a
month. And for some mothers, it takes even longer than that. But the point is, as she goes through
this healing, she can say, Well, you know what, I'm going to take a month off and tell her husband,
look, you just take care of the kid, I mean, I'll you know if I need to nurse it all nursing. But
other than that, you take care of it, I need to rest I need to heal, she can do that. As a matter of
		

			fact, I don't know about you know, for a lot of you whichever part of the world, you're in how it
works, but at least here in Canada,
		

			when a child is born, the first thing that the doctor does, when that child is delivered
immediately, literally within seconds, is they give the child to the mother, and the child sits on
the mother's chest so that the child could smell the scent of the mother and know that this is mom.
And I just think that that's like amazing. For us guys, we're sitting at the back the chair in a
corner out of the way. So there's no sense from us going to the child, at least not at that moment.
So the first connection that that child gets is with Mum, why? Because some handle lump, you know,
you carried this child, you went through all of that. And on top of that, it's like a life and death
		

			situation when you're delivering our child, the mother could die right in front of your face. So
this is a big deal. And so for all the children that are listening to this, if I stopped here and
turned off this video, it's enough. Like just the fact that their parents Case Closed. And we'll
never know what that feels like until you all become parents at some point in sha Allah. If you're
not already parents, especially of obviously for the older kids. Then in conclusion, brothers and
sisters, Allah subhanho wa Taala that says that she had to nurse him now for two years. So just when
you think that there's going to be a break, there's no break all day, all night, every hour, there's
		

			no specific time period, she just has to be ready no matter how tired no matter how exhausted how
hungry. If the baby starts crying, she wants over the baby once mom, she starts in nursing the
child. So the fact is that it says here, it does this for the mother does this for her child for two
years. That there's a lot of fear behind that which is not our subject here. Then a look includes
and he says initial school really were the were the daycare late young mahseer who see what
happened. show gratitude to me. Allah subhanho wa Taala whether you were early daycare La Masia and
to your parents because you're coming right back to me, a lot takes over and says, I commend you,
		

			then you the Son, you the child, that first and foremost before you go and you say mom, thank you
for giving birth to me, dad, thank you for everything for supporting us. No, no, no, no, no. Just
		

			Remember the first piece of advice, the higher authority, don't forget him. So this is a last way of
reminding you, I know that you'll get attached to parents and other important to you. And Allah
mentions this in the poor any sort of tobacco, that whoever takes their parents and loves them more
than they love a lot. This is not from Emacs. This is like a weakness of faith. A lot is always the
precedence, right? And that's obvious. So Allah is saying here, let me just remind you before you go
and show gratitude to them, show gratitude to me that you have them, that they were able to birth
you and that you're here and you're alive, and you're well and you're living. So that's the first
		

			tone that's set here and concluding this a Why is all of this happening. Because there are going to
be moments where your parents will annoy you, there's going to be lots of those, there's going to be
moments where you're not going to understand why your parents tell you the things that they say to
you. And you know, a lot of the time parents, it's it's a tough pill to swallow. But we should also
admit that sometimes we have a pretty awful way of, of expressing some of the things that we might
be feeling to our kids, a lot of parents just don't know, or don't even care how to do that. It's
just my kid, they'll get over it. And if they don't get over it, they're going against bill or Wendy
		

			Dane, and then I'll lecture them about it afterwards. You know, we hold our children hostage this
way, in terms of how their emotions and how they feel and how they internalize some of the things
that we say. And this happens. And I meet hundreds and hundreds of parents like this, that they had
good intentions. But men when it came to projecting those intentions, it came off the completely
different way, bad choice of words, even the tone of voice, even the body language, you name it. And
Allah is saying to kids, that's a part of parenting doesn't mean that you have to accept it all the
time. I mean, what's wrong is wrong, you know, you should definitely recognize and address what's
		

			wrong is wrong, when it comes to those natural flaws and weaknesses that parents have within them.
And they do regret and they do take the time and be like, man, I don't think I should have sent her
to her room that quickly, I should have just talked to her first man, I said this, and I know she
didn't like it, or I know my daughter or my son didn't like it, when they start doing them a lot is
saying, Be grateful to me that you have them. In other words, those are the moments in parenting
that you just have to live with. It's a grind, you have to go through I go through it till now. You
know, my parents are older, but if something I don't like that might be said or whatever. I don't
		

			say anything. Why? Because I don't need to do that. Like it's part of a now that I'm a father
myself, I understand now that they're human beings, just leave it alone, let it go and keep going.
And hamdulillah 100% of the time, you'll notice that when you do that, you'll always be able to work
out your issues, you'll be able to forgive and forget very quickly, Allah says that that starts off
by you showing gratitude to me. Remember, we said in the very first video, the peak of wisdom is
gratitude. So it was reminding us of that, don't forget to be grateful. And then a luck includes
which is where we will conclude as well, when he when he DK la une mahseer. And now you can go and
		

			say thank you to your parents. So all the sons and daughters listening to this
		

			if your parents are sitting with you, so whenever you choose to listen to this, whether you're doing
it right now, or you're going to do this later or some other day, look at your parents, and just say
to them Alhamdulillah don't just don't just Aquila, Fido is a Thanks, Mom, I love you know, just
saying hamdulillah to them. And that Alhamdulillah is coming from a heart Alhamdulillah Thank you
Allah for giving me that no matter how annoying they may be, no matter how they may have done or not
done for you. You know, when things are bad when things are abusive, when things are dangerous.
That's a separate issue. I'm not talking about those issues, because those are the exceptions to
		

			this whole conversation here. I'm just talking about the fact that existence wise, they're your
parents, and just look at them and say hamdulillah how much you appreciate them. And make this warm
up on a time in a moment where you'll just take your devotion and respect for parents to a whole
nother level. And whatever that direction might be. And that's something you'll see. Nobody has ever
lost by doing good for mom and dad like you've never been you'll never lose out in your life. Our
profit on a slot was set I'm told us that this is one of the ways that Allah extends your life in
this world. You live longer on Earth, that when you continue to do good with your parents, you know
		

			there's a side note here and that is
		

			for the parents that are listening What about your parents or parents that have passed
		

			away or your single parent and things like that same thing. Just be grateful. Make, do offer them,
love them, ask a lot to forgive them, and be grateful that they were alive, be grateful that they
gave birth to you, even if you didn't know them, even if you weren't connected with them, even if
you lost connection. And this is these are real case scenarios that you never knew your parents, you
grew up in a different household, they abandoned you, they put you up for adoption, like so many
different things. Be grateful that your biological parents gave birth to you. And that's what this
is all about. Now, this is all going somewhere. This is not the end of the conversation when it
		

			comes to parents because Allah will give an exception now to this whole gratitude with a lot and
into parents. But to conclude today's short reminder, Allah says what you lay your mercy, and to me,
you will eventually return mahseer is like that's the ultimate destination. That's the ultimate and
why did Allah do that? The answer, if you mess up showing gratitude to Allah, you will naturally
lose gratitude to your parents. But you'll have to go back to Allah and stand in front of him and
explain why. So allies like this is a warning way legal mahseer you're coming right back to me. You
know, it's like you tell the kid, you know, I gave you a chore? Did you clean? Did you wash the
		

			dishes? When you're done washing the dishes? Come back to me and let me know. You know, when I told
you, okay, do your homework. When you're doing your homework, show it to me, I want to make sure
it's done. So it's like a lesson I'm giving you these tasks. Father's saying to his son, I'm telling
you to be good to your parents. But just remember this case, you're not coming back to Dad, you're
not coming back to mom, but you're coming back to the Creator. And that's directly from him.
subpanel uttara them. So there is a definite, strong warning to all of us here. whether our parents
are with us or not, that we must still continue to respect and love and care for them. Whether that
		

			is done physically or spiritually. You continue to pray and even if your parents now there's one
side scenario and that is what if your parents are not Muslim? That is coming up onto tomorrow's
video inshallah, because that's where the exception is. There are some rules behind that. But for
the most part, you'll be shocked at how, how I should say trivial those rules are they're not very
strict. It's almost identical. The way that we treat our Muslim parents towards the respect and
honor we treat our non Muslim parents like religion almost has nothing to do with this. And you'll
see why when we get to that verse insha Allah hotel. But that being said, Guys, please once again,
		

			if you're not doing this right now, please take this video and encourage others to watch it families
in particular and I hope that you guys watch this as a family. That's the most important thing.
Second, hello hydron and I will see you again for another installment on life with children. Second
Law Haytham Allah bless you all wherever you are loving. I mean, take care and don't forget if you
have questions, just write it down in the comments and I will get to them before that said I'm
Martin Kumara to London.