Mufti Menk – Ramadan 2009 – Cape Town – Day 24 Marriage Part 1
AI: Summary ©
The importance of marriage in Islamic context is emphasized, along with the need for men to find a spouse and achieve comfort and happiness in marriage. Consciousness in marriage is emphasized, and communication and letting people know their behavior is emphasized as it is a last resort for women to live in a gift. Engagement in marriage and avoiding harms in relationships is emphasized, along with the importance of happiness and being a doctor.
AI: Summary ©
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
smilla. He will hamdulillah. He was salatu salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy he woman he said that the Buddha who above all praise is indeed due to Allah subhanho wa Taala blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless every single one of us and to grant us goodness on a dilemma, beloved brothers and sisters and dearest listeners, we all know that these are the last few nights of the month of Ramadan, the most blessing of nights of this particular month. Allah subhanho wa Taala decides to take away whomsoever He wishes on these nights, or within these days, bless the days of the month of Ramadan. Definitely it
is a blessing of Allah subhanho wa Taala to be taken away. In nights or in days, like these days, news has got to me yet again of yet another of the mothers of the community I come from who was taken away tonight We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant her mercy. And we asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to fool her grave with no, and to grant her paradise into grand silver to all those who she has left behind, as well as all those who have passed away in this community and in all the communities of the muslimeen across the globe. The morpho mean of this Omar May Allah subhanho wa Taala Have mercy on them. And the day he takes us away, may he take us away with ease, and may He
also have mercy on us on that particular day.
Beloved brothers and sisters, we all know that marriage is a topic that everyone lights up when they hear it and hamdulillah. For those who are married, they have a lesson to learn. And for those who are not married, they have even more lessons to learn in sha Allah, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us goodness, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has told us something very, very strong and powerful. He says I guarantee paradise for certain people. If you guarantee me something, I guarantee you heaven I guarantee you paradise. So what did he say? He says, My man lima bean alayhi wa Marina de of Malibu Jana. Whoever guarantees me the correct use of what is between the
cheeks and the correct use of what is between the thighs I guaranteed in paradise lo Akbar. It sounds nice and simple, but our whole life rotates around it. You can guarantee the correct use of your tongue and your private paths. Allah subhanho wa Taala is telling you through the lips of the most blessing that you have a guarantee of Paradise May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us gender.
Then Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us
Konishi in Kala conas je Nila Allah Come
on. Every creature of ours we've created in pays if only but you would remember or in order that you may remember and be reminded Subhana Allah, we have positive and negative we have male and female we have live and neutral. We have the sun and the night or should I say the day and the night. Everything we have in pays. Whether it is a plant, there is masculine and feminine fish, masculine, feminine, you have the eggs and you have the masculine of it may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all understanding. So it is part and parcel of the creation of Allah subhanho wa Taala his plan. He says that indeed, it is amongst the signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala that he has created spouses for
you from amongst you, for a reason. And that reason is made mentioned in the Quran, in order that you may achieve comes with from your spouse, in order that you may enjoy the pleasure of your spouse's company, in order that you may live with pleasure and happiness in order that you may have every reason to smile Alhamdulillah we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant that to us. What happens to us nowadays before marriage, we've already lived together under the shadows of shape and so shape and beautifies everything for us. And we then marry for the wrong reasons. And then what happens is once we marry shape ons, job turns 180 degrees. Instead of trying to make you commit adultery now
that you are halaal automatically He wants you to fight with one another so you can commit adultery with someone else. And that is why as soon as people who have married for the wrong reasons get married. They then come complaining to say this was not the same person I knew before I was married. The reason is sometimes the way we did it was totally wrong. So let's look at what Allah subhanho wa Taala says. He says in Surah to room, amin, D
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Nico me comi go on from the signs of Allah subhanho wa Taala is that he has created for you from amongst you a spouse in order for you to achieve comfort and pleasure from and Indeed Allah has placed in your hearts love for one another. He has placed in your hearts love for one another. And definitely that is a sign for those who would like to ponder Subhana Allah, people who are married for the right reasons and they have been married under the shade of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Naturally they will have a feeling towards their wives or husbands, they will feel they will feel very, very protective and very possessive. That is a natural feeling that Allah places
automatically, which was not there prior to the nikka prior to the marriage. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala opened the doors. Another very interesting points, the laws of the Sherry regarding marriage, which is known as Nika is very, very easy. The reason why Allah has made marriage one of the most easy acts of worship, one of the most easy, really if you take a look at it, how quick it happens. One of the most easy transactions that take place. You know if you want to do a business deal, it takes a little bit longer. But if you would like to get married, it's a one minute job 30 seconds in most where Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding. One of the reasons why this is the case
is because nobody must be left with an excuse to fall in the trap of shavon and commit adultery. Anyone who commits adultery does not have an answer to give Allah subhanho wa Taala he says I intentionally made it easy for you. Are you still going to go out to hunt for haram when I have allowed you to marry me Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease and happiness in our marriages. And Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks about.
Amazingly, Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks about how important the consciousness of Allah is when it comes to marriage. A successful marriage is based on certain elements. Let's take a look at the verses that are read at the time of nica. The time when someone wants to get married, there is a student It is not like it is compulsory to read these verses, but generally it is a student of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam which should be adopted. Because as soon as is not to be taken lightly. It is something great. One of the verses right there. Yeah.
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Oh, mankind, be conscious of your be conscious of your Creator nourisher cherishes, sustainer provider be conscious of the one you are going to return to the one who has created you from one soul wahala coming has Buddha and he has created from that soul its spouse, which means Eve or Hawa May peace be upon her was created from Adam alayhi salatu salam, there is nothing bad to confirm that. Yes, she was created from the rib of Adam alayhis salatu salam according to the narration, which is correct of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam there are people who are tackling this narration that is invalid. We have actually been through it and we've been through it authenticating
it. People who wants to appease the women folk to say you were created from a crooked road and that is why they want to start fighting the narrator of the Hadith who is Abu hurayrah that is dangerous, except the Hadith It is an honor to be created from something alive whereas men was created from something did and that is soil low. So that is a plus point for the females inshallah. Sometimes that is why the men say that is why they talk too much May Allah protect us. They were created from something alive. That is not what we believe. We definitely believe that it is an honor of Allah subhanho wa Taala for both men and women Remember,
a woman was granted as a gift to men after he made so much to us. It is reported by Edna Katia Rahim Allah in one of his books will be dire when Nehemiah that Adam alayhi salatu was Salam was very lonely, and he made the dua Allah I'm lonely imagine he was one of his kind, the rest were in pain. So Allah subhanho wa Taala after he made the draft for a period of time, Allah subhanho wa Taala one day decided to give him a gift in the form of a female May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us realize that females are actually gifts to us, and maybe make the females realize that they are meant to be living in such a way that they act like gifts to us. Alhamdulillah sometimes you have females
up the males, I don't know which gift comes out of the box and beats up the one whom they are given as a gift to May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection. So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us that and it's amazing how powerful it is. Allah says I have created the female from the male. That is a clear verse at the beginning of Surah Nisa. Then he says, what does that mean? humare
caffine Oh, nice.
And he has caused a multitude, a multitude of growth of male and female throughout the globe from those two. So we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to use us also, to continue this progeny or this offspring men who will be obedient to Allah subhanho wa Taala Amin. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala says, What Taka la la de
Luna v one man in law cannot
be conscious of Allah. Notice how it is repeating itself again, Allah says Be conscious of Allah because consciousness of Allah and I am adding this obviously, consciousness of Allah subhanho wa Taala is vital when it comes to marriage. If you take a wife or if a wife has a husband and you are conscious of your duty to your Creator, the fact that he is watching you the fact that he is always there, you will never disrespect or cheat or utter words which are bad or you will never do anything wrong because you know that Allah is there he is more able. Allah subhanho wa Taala says Be conscious of Allah and be conscious of the wombs, Allahu Akbar, be conscious of our ham, or ham is
the plural of Rahim, which means the womb of a woman, those relatives of yours who are related to you through birth, Allah says, Be conscious of them, be conscious of your wives, your mothers, your mothers in law and so on. Remember, a man has a role to play and that role is to strike a balance between his wife, his own mother and his parents in law. And even if a man is not going to play his role and run away and duck and dive, he will create a bigger disaster. He needs to draw lines from day one to say, Mom, I love you the most. But the love I love you is totally different from the love. I love my wife. That is a different type of love Mom, this is the line You shall not cross and
my beloved wife, here is a line you don't cross that is my mother, you don't come and tell me stories about her. If she is wrong, you mentioned it in a very polite manner. You don't fight with her. Maybe you can come to me and tell me in a polite manner exactly what is going on. But I don't want to hear tales and fairy tales, and stories which are which have salt and pepper added to them just to make me against my own mother Allahu Akbar. You will never be able to replace the mother by the wife. You can have 10 of them Allahu Akbar. Remember for at any given time may Allah Subhana Allah Allah grant us understand. I better clarify that because people might go and say this man
believes you can have 10 wives No. What we mean is you can get another wife and another one if you'd like but your mother there's only one. At the same time. There are many mothers who are very sadly oppressive towards their daughters in law. We have witnessed it and we have seen it may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding in the English language, they are called in laws. One wonder why the law has to come into place maybe the lawyers and everyone else also gets involved at some stage where Allah subhanho wa Taala protects us. We need to have a brilliant relationship. You must give your children independence after they are married. The only time you interfere is when
they are going against the commands of Allah. If they are not reading Salah or dressing inappropriately or swearing and so on then you can interfere It is your duty, but whether or not they attend the function with you is up to them whether or not they live with you is up to them and you should happily allow them to live separately because that is a right that they have May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding my experience is those who live further away from their parents are happier with their parents than those who live within the same house. That is experience we have seen it and witnessed it across the globe. You cannot have two kings in one Kingdom nor can
you have two Queens in the same kingdom. So if your wife is a queen, your mother is also a queen. And if both want to rule they are going to cross paths at some stage it is not going to work one woman per kitchen let us try and use that rule and understand that Allah subhanho wa Taala really grant us understanding and yes, there are people who love each other and they are living with the Live and let live policies and Alhamdulillah we will encourage that as well. In the rare case where mother in law is getting on with daughter in law, then Alhamdulillah that is known Allah knows that is light upon light, it is goodness, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant that to us.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us at the very beginning, be careful, be conscious and he says you Allah is watchful over you he is writing down absolutely everything. There are angels writing down what you are doing, how you are thinking what you are saying behind closed doors, how you are treating your wife, your children, those who are near you that
is a verse that is read when the niqab is about to take place in the masjid. Let's look at another verse. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, Yeah, I you
know taco la porta potti Wallah de mu
MIMO NEEMO oh you who believe the first address was oh people this one here is oh you who believe. Be conscious of your job as you are meant to be conscious of Him and do not die accepting the condition of submission. Look at how the verses of consciousness are being repeated. Not by mistake intentionally at the time of Nika to remind you watch out from this day be extra conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala. A man who oppresses a woman Allahu Akbar, we will come to verses tonight in sha Allah, Allah gives us the time otherwise we will continue tomorrow with the same topic if we do not complete it inshallah, because I don't want to rush through one of the most important topics
where Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us that he listens to a woman who complains directly, may Allah subhanahu wa Allah protect us. So Allah subhanho wa Taala then has revealed another verse that we read at the same occasion. Yeah, are you Latina, Amano de la ku
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Allah says in Surah to absorb all you who believe, be conscious of your Creator. And only after that which is upright that which is correct that which is full of politeness that which is full of bringing people together, abstain from that which will create problems and difficulty and disunity only at a rate which will bring about happiness, that which will bring about a smile that which will bring about justice, Allah says only at a rate which is upright. If you do that, then definitely Allah will make pure your deeds for you and forgive your sins. whosoever follows Allah and His Messenger has definitely won and is very greatly victorious.
Imagine Allah is telling you follow Allah and His messenger. If your wife instructs you to do something Haram, you won't listen. And did your husband instruct you to do something prohibited you won't listen, because Allah and His Messenger are to be followed before everybody else. That verse also implies that directly and Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us only after that which is upright Why is it so important to mention the words of the tongue at the occasion of marriage, because 99% of marital problems are connected to our tongues. 99% of problems are connected to the way we speak in our marriages. We need to attend on a daily basis words that will put a smile on the faces of our
spouses. We need to crack jokes which are decent inshallah with our spouses. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did it, he made his wives smile and blush and laugh as well. So Han Allah, obviously within the limits salallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was as romantic as could be. sallallahu alayhi wasallam there was an incident when he was eating a piece of meat, and it Chateau de la Juana picked up this piece of meat and bit from it. And he looked at her from the corner of his eye, and he watched that she was watching him. So he picked up the piece of meat, and he turned it around to find the place that she bits from. And looking at her with the corner of his eye. He then bit from
exactly the same place, making her blush Subhanallah with us is the wife has bitten we will say if I bite, I'm going to get the coffee you have la kebab, Allahu Akbar. Imagine to drink from a cup at exactly the same position that your wife drank from is the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, why do we have to wait for the month of Ramadan? To hear this type of thing? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding and protection. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has taught us a lot. And this is why he says look, be careful of your tongues you can utter good words or bad words. Say for example, there is something that you notice within the marriage, you
need to talk. Communication is the most important thing in marriage. A lot of women folk very sadly, they are obsessed. Suddenly it takes three weeks to find out why they were upset. And then we will find out it was something that really was not even worth mentioning. And this is why advice to everyone in this verse. Speak that which is upright speak up when you have to speak because when you are silent when you have to speak it is also against the etiquettes of marriage, and the happy home will not be achieved. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to grant that to us. You need to talk you have a problem speak but in good
Words. If you are sick say that look I'm not well, that's why I'm not smiling. A husband comes to the home after a long day at work, and he sees a woman cross. Voila, he puts his heart really on a different note, very low note. He feels like leaving the house once again. But a woman to be honest with you controls the love that a man has for her in almost all cases, because when a woman tampers the man and looks up to him and smiles at him and waits for him, and is prepared to cook for him and really do everything for him naturally, even if he likes it or not. At some stage, he will feel an inclination towards this woman. And this is why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he
distributed his wealth and his time perfectly. He then says Allah Hamada Sammy faema amulek Salah to even a female omelet, Oh Allah I've distributed that which I control between my wives I am being just amongst them. So now don't hold against me what I do not control and that is how much I love them. They control it Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. He said clearly, I love Ayesha more than the rest
of the study Allah says.
He says I Isha. The virtue of her above all the other women is like the virtue of the favorite food above the rest of the food. When you see the favorite food Mashallah, you will first take it close to you, and you will first eat from it. Allahu Akbar. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has instructed us and the instruction is for all of us to ensure that we are just with our wives and at the same time, we realize and understand that the love Generally, if a man is a normal men, then he how much he loves his wife will mainly depend on what she does for him, or what she does not do. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make our wives from amongst those who can serve us. The Western world is
teaching us that the wife doesn't need to serve the husband. And that is why you find the husband then looks outside the doors in order to look for someone whom he will get attention from someone who might cook for him because the wife says you must bring takeaways. takeaways are good once in a while. Some people are marrying on condition that the husband brings takeaways on a daily basis, or you must take me out every Saturday I won't cook. If that is the case. Yes, he might do it for us with his wealth but you lose his love Allahu Akbar, the heavier you are in his pocket, the less he will love you. It is a fact it is natural. And it happens. The more demanding you are, the less He
loves you he will go for someone else. And who would have caused that yourself with your own actions. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection. Many men who look outside many times many times and many, many times the woman is to blame. But it's difficult for us to tell her because sometimes she cannot discuss the topics of what is going on behind the scenes. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding
Allah subhanho wa Taala. That is why he tells us how important communication is in marriage. Let me quickly go through some of the most important items that will make a home extremely happy. If you would like a happy home and a happy marriage, you need to spend time with one another. You need to spend the time with your wife and your children and your family members. You need to be tolerant of one another. You need to tolerate the differences that you have and speak. You need to trust one another completely. Don't pry into each other's little corners and cubicles. May Allah protect us and at the same time, don't give your spouse The reason to doubt you. But don't ever doubt your
spouse unnecessarily just by an anonymous phone call or something because that is a cancer, it will lead to divorce. And believe me at times people are just Mischief Makers. All marriages go through turbulence. Let's understand and realize that if we are going to trust our spouses, and give them a chance and tolerate and so on, inshallah, we will be able to deal with our crisis. Another very interesting point to be tender and lenient to be calm and polite. That is also a very, very interesting point that we need to take or bear in mind if we'd like our marriages to work. A person who is hard and harsh or a female who is hard and harsh in the way she talks. Others will turn away
from them according to the Quran.
One Vani Volcan Vila boomin, how Runic prophet of Allah if you were hard hearted, and if you were harsh, they would have dispersed from you. If that instruction was for the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what about us with our own spouses, they will disperse from us if we are hard and heavy, they will not like us that their love for us will be reduced. So let us learn to speak in a very polite manner with sweet words. You have to beautify your voice when you are speaking to your spouse. Why do we tend to do that when we are speaking to others besides our spouses whom we are not even supposed to be talking to in the first place? Won't that then result in some form of negativity
in the hearts of our spouses? When they say our husband is good to all the women on Earth, but not to ask me Allah
Hana has Allah protect us.
A person who is excellent to other women on the streets, nine times out of 10 when he comes home they fear him Allahu Akbar. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us we need to be normal outside. You don't have to be overly excellent normal outside but at your home or within the house, you need to be overly excellent insha Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us politeness. Another very interesting point is we need to realize marriage is all about sacrifice. If you are not prepared to sacrifice, then your marriage will probably not work, it will be void of love. You need to sacrifice your time, your effort, your money in your brains, your mind, everything needs to be sacrificed. And
there is no room for laziness in marriage. Many people are in love and then suddenly they get married and then the wife doesn't even know how to cook May Allah protect us and she sleeps until 11 in the morning, if that is the case, he will get lazy and he will get fed up and he won't hold the love in his heart for you will begin to diminish very soon because there are other women who get up at five in the morning and make a hot cup of tea with a little bit of breakfast and bring it to bed. May Allah protect us all. I'm not encouraging promoting or demoting any breakfast in bed but at the same time we are saying that we need to think of this Don't be lazy look after the children and you
will earn the love of your husband inshallah, at the same time spoil him rotten and inshallah you will protect yourself from being rotten inshallah.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us of how important it is to sacrifice in marriage, to be thankful and grateful for what your spouse has done for you. If your wife is looking after your children and is cooking for you and so on. Think about it for a moment, how much time and effort that she spent behind you. And at the same time when the husband is spending so many hours earning a livelihood in order to bring back a plate of food on the table. Send him a time say I thank you I appreciate it. Well, ah you've done so much for me. I really really appreciate this and show it in every single way. thankfulness is part and parcel of rekindling your marriage inshallah, then Allah subhanho wa
Taala tells us how important expressions on your face are. always have a smile, always try to be happy. Always show good expressions. You know, a wink or two is also quite romantic at times between husband and wife. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us use our expressions where they are most beneficial and not where they are detrimental outside the home Mashallah, we have a smile stuck on our faces. As soon as we come home, we are frowning like we've never ever found before. Remember, even if you'd like if you'd like to age slowly. Why I say slowly is because we have to age if Allah gives us life we have to age. But if you'd like to age slowly learn to smile, believe me, you will
you will not age as quickly as those who found when you found your forehead has a mark and that mark will become really engraved into your forehead, even when you are happy, they will still see that mark May Allah Subhana which Allah protect us.
So it's a reality. Then Allah subhanho wa Taala also tells us that we need to have an understanding between one another you need to draw your limits and your lines stay what you want. Tell her what will make you happy and let her tell you what will make her happy. And you need to know what is going to make your spouse upset and angry and stay away from him. This is something that we need to understand another very interesting point, we need to put ourselves in the spouse's shoes. So a man must look at it from the angle of the woman and the woman must look at it from the angle of a man in order to come and try and understand where they are coming from. That is extremely important.
Another very interesting point, the tone of your voice and the volume of your voice. If you raise your voice in the house, you will decrease your respect in the house. When you scream, you reduce your respect in the house immediately. And when you do not shout and scream and you do not swear then inshallah people will respect you. The minute you scream, your value has already been lost in the eyes of those who witness that. If it was your children, they will remember it forever and ever. And this is why for husband and wife to swear or scream or shout or accuse or clean their linen in front of the children is extremely dangerous because as the children grow up, it will haunt them
forever and ever. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us understanding and protection.
And also this is why it is important that we realize when we scream and shout we will sound like donkeys as the Quran says, and who wants to marry a donkey? May Allah subhanho wa Taala really grant us understanding I know I'm using terms here to keep people awake at this time of the night. Alhamdulillah so we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala really to make us from those who can use the best of words to select your word when you are speaking to your wife or your children is an act of worship. So if you want to tell your children not to make noise, if you say shut up without thinking you will not be rewarded for it and you might even be sinful for using abusive language. But if you were to
think very carefully and say I can either say keep quiet
Why can see lower the volume or I can even look at them and put a finger on my lips. In order to tell them to be silent. I must employ the best method to portray what I'd like to say what is in my heart if I want to put it across, let me choose the best word Allah has given us a brain, this brain we need to use it in the house before we use it outside insha Allah May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection and understanding. These are just some tips to start with. Look at the topic Allahu Akbar. Now let's go through the verses of the Quran.
Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us how to choose a spouse, we need to choose a person when we are choosing we look at several qualities. You look at the beauty, there's nothing wrong in looking at the beauty Alhamdulillah you can look at their standing their reputation and so on. But that must not be the deciding factor. the deciding factor must be the closeness to Allah, how pious are they? How conscious are they have Allah subhanho wa Taala when you are choosing a wife, you are choosing the mother of your children. If you forget that for a minute, you will be failing in the long run. because let me tell you, the children generally are taught by the mother. If the mother is a person
who was not brought up but grew up like wild grass, then there will be no upbringing for her children. They will also just grow like wild grass, may Allah protect us. There is a very big difference between being brought up and just growing up, we would like to bring up our children and we would not like to see them just grown up suddenly, and who brought them up the streets. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us.
And this is why it is very, very detrimental for a woman to give up her role as a woman because yes, it might not be prohibited to go out to work within the Islamic limits. But you may just be giving up your obligation of looking after your children and nowadays we have a new generation of orphans with parents. They are orphaned because the father and mother are not their whole day. They are brought up by the neighbors and the school and the maids. And then when they come home at a certain age suddenly the parents realized my son is already in love and my son already has AIDS and my son is already on drugs when they come crying but where were you my dear mother, I was at work and where
were you? You might be a father I was at work. What time did you go to work at six in the morning? When did you come back eight at night? Did you ever spend time with your children? The answer is no. Who is to blame you Allahu Akbar. This is why let's realize that it's a last resort for women to work is a last resort. Do not be upset. Believe me there are women in the West who are now fed up of working they realize that this is all a fast men want to use us and abuse us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us if you play your role that Allah has kept for you will law he I promise you you will not go wrong. You will be happy when you see your children grow up and hug you and thank you
for the upbringing. A woman her primary role is to give birth and to look after the children and the home. That is why I'm Lovelace the womb in her belly and not in the belly of a man and that is why Allah subhanho wa Taala tips feminine qualities of motherhood in her and not in the men.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to respect our mothers and May Allah subhanho wa Taala make the mothers of this oma responsible mothers as well as the fathers of the sama May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding. So when we are choosing a spouse, we should realize if you have based your opinion only on beauty beauty will go if you have based your opinion only on wealth, the wealth will go if you have based your opinion only on reputation, the reputation may be tarnished overnight. But if you base it on spirituality, the spirituality will only increase as time passes. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding so we are not saying don't look at what
she looks like no, you need to look at what she looks like you need to look at all the other aspects as well but if there is no Dean, no religion, no spirituality, you'd rather go for someone else and you'd rather go for a third person or a fourth or a fifth and continue trying until you get to the one who has the deen as well as the beauty inshallah something that is acceptable to you. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us insha Allah happiness within our homes.
I see a lot of people are looking at me quite gloomy. I think they married and they feel they might have already made mistakes. May Allah subhanahu wa taala protect us all Really? Please don't give me those looks in sha Allah, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to enhance our marriages inshallah, there is always an opportunity to rekindle a marriage if you would like to do that. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala help us to resolve and solve our problems and disputes amin so Allah subhanho wa Taala then informs us of how we should not marry those who associate partners with Allah subhanho wa Taala because those who associate partners with Allah subhanho wa Taala they are on a different page all
together. Imagine people come and tell us that you know, I'd like to get married to this person. They're not Muslim and they don't want to become a Muslim. Well to be
honest with you, I want to give you an example. If you are a vegetarian, completely you you know you cannot have anything else. And there is a woman who only is on a seafood diet. I don't mean seafood doesn't whenever she sees food, she eats it. But I mean seafood as in fish. If she is only on a seafood diet, and you are only a vegetarian, you might get on for one month or two months maximum. After that the cracks will appear, you will get fed up of seeing fish when you can't eat it. And she will get fed up of seeing vegetable when she can't have it. So if people whose difference in food will cause a split in marriage, then you should realize religion is far more important. You are on
two different pages that marriage will never, ever work. I don't know to this day of a single marriage of people of different religions, that has worked in the manner that marriages are supposed to work unless they are really forcing themselves to be with one another. At some point down the line it has broken off there are huge cracks. And if there is anyone who it hasn't cracked yet, believe me it's coming wait for it now Allah subhanho wa Taala protects us all.
So let us not look for those outside our religion because if we as men want to marry women outside our religion, who will marry our women, the men from outside our religion as well and that is completely prohibited. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us a deep understanding.
So if we take a look at what Allah subhanho wa Taala says he says, or Allah
machete cat he had, you mean don't ever marry one who associates partners with Allah subhanho wa Taala outside the fold of Islam until they accept Islam. While I'm at Mina tune,
mushy Riccati you O rG bescom. Allah says a slave girl who is a misdemeanor is better than a free lady who has a high ranking who is not Amina, even if she amazes you and impresses you by her wealth or her looks and what have you. Allah says it's better for you to have gone for a slave girl who was Amina who was a believer than one who was not a believer, and who was high in ranking in social ranking meddlesome Hanna, who was Allah protect us. And the same applies to the females. Allah says do not marry the non Muslims until they accept Islam. That is the address to the females May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us all understanding really. So if someone is ready to accept Islam, yes, we
will welcome them into our religion insha Allah and we will open our arms and accept them into this religion and into our homes. May Allah subhanahu wa taala help us to choose spouses who will be the best for us inshallah.
Now, let's get to something else. Sometimes a person who enters the fold of Islam is actually at a later stage a better Muslim, than those who brought them into the fold, Allahu Akbar, and we've witnessed that and we've seen it a lot as well. So if a person comes into the fold of Islam sometimes, and sometimes they might come in because of the marriage, but later on Allah grants them the true guidance where they begin to obey the instructions of the religion in a deeper manner than us because they've seen the other side of the coin. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to make us as strong and even stronger inshallah. And we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us understand that
Allah subhanahu wa taala says, You are not allowed to marry those whom your fathers have been intimate with in any way. While
Kiko man aka Abba
meenan Nisa don't ever marry those whom your fathers have been intimate with, if they have married them naturally. If your father has married someone, they are naturally your mom. They are your closest your close relatives. You cannot marry someone whom your father has married, nor can you marry someone whom your son has married. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala protection and there is a list of people whom we are not allowed to marry in the Quran, those who are closest to us your aunt's, your uncle's, your nephews, your nieces, your grandparents and so on. And you're certain a certain circle of your relatives that are mentioned in the Quran. Allah subhanho wa Taala says they
are extremely close to you, you will not marry him. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding
then Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us thereafter. And before I move to the next point, we need to realize that I was saying when you are marrying look for the father of your children. Think to yourself is this person fit to be the mother of my children or the father of my children depending on whether it is the man or the woman who is who is looking into this. And if they are not fit for that then ops for someone else, no matter how, how blossoming it sounds and how beautifying it sounds. As I say, you see the lamps that we have here, the light the bow that you have
One day it will pop. The lights that you have one day it will pop Subhan Allah. So if you marry someone for the bright look on their on their faces, one day that bright look will pop it will go when the creases start coming below the eyes, then people begin to turn for others may Allah protect us. But if you married them for the heart for what you love inside that will only increase and develop as the years go further. May Allah subhanahu Allah grant us understanding. So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us
that it is important that when a woman wants to marry, you don't block her for no reason. If you are the father of a female, you don't block her for no reason a woman wants to marry. And Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks about those who are married, when they are having a problem and they are separated, then they want to get back to their husbands. Sometimes you get family members who come to them and say no, don't, if they want to get back and if they want to marry them or re marry them in the case where it is allowed, then in that particular case, if you block them, then you will be a major sinner because Allah subhanho wa Taala says don't block the females from marrying whom they would
like to marry. Unless obviously, there is an Islamic reason for you to block it like the man is a drunkard or he's a drug addict or he is extremely oppressive and so on. But if there is no Islamic reason, just because you don't get on with them, does not mean your daughter must not marry them lo Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection and understanding.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala says,
In surah, Baqarah, Salah
nazwa
in the instance of a woman who is separated or divorced, and after that she wants to get back to the same individual. If three divorces are not issued, only one was issued or two, and she still wants to get back to that man, then you should allow her to get back if she wants, don't block her and don't stop her on condition that the two have arrived at an understanding of goodness that Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us from that. And Allah subhanho wa Taala then tells us about the engagement. Let me clarify this for you. Allah subhanho wa Taala uses the word seatback which means the engagement in Islam and engagement is only a confirmation that the two of us are going to get
married that is already an engagement there is no party there is no distribution of sweets there is no nothing all that is excess it is culture and it is something that sometimes we make life difficult through the mere fact that two people have now two families have agreed that we are going to get married inshallah, or the two are going to get married, you are already engaged to Hannah law. There is nothing like an engagement ring in Islam. All that is extra is excess. And people who do it if they do it just out of happiness, in short, light should be okay. But if they do, it's thinking that it's a must, hey, we're engaged with my dream. Otherwise, I'm gonna break this
engagement. If that's the case, you don't need to marry that woman Believe me, because when you marry, she will ask you for your pay packet the day you get your salary, Allahu Akbar. And one day when your salary is less she might even instruct you to move out of the house. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding the Hadith speaks about marriage and says in the mean of aminika Baraka, a Sahaba owner.
Some of the marriages that are the most blessed are those that the least amount of wealth is used least extravagance. You know, when we have marriages, we are taught to have a simple marriage. Why? Because it is an act of worship. Marriages are acts of worship and this is why when we have our functions of walima our Lima is the function out of happiness. It is an act of worship that we have either at the hall or at the home. We must make sure that we do not engage in ending the anger of a love marriage is half of your Eman according to one of the generations. The walima or that party is a celebration of half of your Eman. If you are celebrating half of your Eman by allowing women to
come into the gathering who are not even dressed properly or the bride herself is half naked and the groom wants to sit with the females then you are celebrating half of your Eman by pleasing chiffon your marriage won't work. It will not work I guarantee that. Also if you have had, for example, a function where there is a mixed gathering of male and female mixing and dining and whining and everything haram happening in that case. We are celebrating half of our Eman. Let's think how we have just did that. We need to engage in Toba Some of us may Allah subhanho wa Taala forgive our shortcoming some who are already married have already done that. Now do you know why you had
problems in your marriage? May Allah protect us because of the seed when it was sown you you watered it with urine? May Allah protect us?
And that is a very strict statement. It's very harsh, but it's a reality. Believe me it makes us boil when we think of how people will please
straight on May Allah make us from them and they won't listen to any of the Allah ma they won't understand shavon wants to contaminate you from the very celebration of half of your Eman. That is why you'd rather not have the function if you would like to have it in a manner that will please shape on feed to people at your house that is enough to feed the poor in an orphanage. That is enough. But if you would like to have gatherings where everyone besides Allah is going to be happy. Only shavon will be worshipped then that is not the way to celebrate half of your Eman. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to open the doors for us. Marriage is one of the most important thing everybody
looks towards and looks forward to from a very early age. And this is why it is a reality. We need to discuss it and we need to spend our time in this regard. I think every single one of us if ever we are getting married or we know of someone getting married or one of our children is getting married, let us instruct them and let us try and teach them to have that function or that party totally separated gathering within the limits of Allah subhanho wa Taala like we are in the masjid we are totally separated. That is also an act of worship, which is celebrating half of your Eman. We lose it and we think it's a party immediately after the party they go on honeymoon they come back
separated May Allah protect so it is increasing because most people even the most religious of people, when it comes to their functions, sometimes what they do they compromise what is right and wrong. And if that is the case, how are we going to earn the pleasure of Allah subhanho wa Taala we want children we want offspring. The seed we sold from day one was already wrong May Allah subhanahu wa Allah never do that to us. This is why the nikka the Sunnah is to have it in the masjid in the house of Allah subhanho wa Taala
because it is the most blessing of places it is not the house of the Presidents no the most expensive house around Mashallah, on the day of happiness, yes, we are allowed to be happy, we wear new clothes and we wear this and we were there for the bride. The message is never ever wear something that will reveal your body the day you are going for that function because that body is a gift for your husband and not for the rest of humanity. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding.
Then the next day when you attend another function and there is another bride whom your husband sees with even a better body because it is revealed. Don't blame anyone besides yourself when he turns in that direction May Allah protect us.
So these are statements that require digestion, they are solid, they are serious, and they are common sense. Really they are instructions from Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. Marriage is a gift. It is a holy union. It is a noble coming together of two individuals to increase the boom of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam we need to treat it like an act of worship. I think in sha Allah. Allah subhanho wa Taala held our eyes open and may forgive our shortcomings. Remember if you've heard in the past already, I see the gloomy faces once again looking at me. May Allah protect us all we need to engage in Toba and is therefore Allah is most forgiving. Allah subhanho wa Taala is most
forgiving, Most Merciful, but we will not promote vices. And we will never ever swallow words of justice when we have to utter them just to please people. Another thing I'd like to bear in mind and I'd like everybody to bear in mind is that it is prohibited for us to attend a function where Haram is going to happen even if it is the nikka have your own father or brother or son or sister or uncle aunt, you will not attend in order not to be from amongst those who have made shavon happy when someone is supposed to be celebrating half of the month. And it is about time that Obama of the summer decide to abstain and boycott all those functions of walima where there is a mixed gathering.
Let us not attend where there is a small cubicle in the corner only for Allah. Allah The only males of the oma just because they have beards and the rest of them are females. May Allah protect us? Oh no. That is an insult to have a cubicle in a corner is like a commentary box when we are commentating for crickets. Really, then they want us to give commentary from there in a corner to say please give a lecture. While it is better. We don't attend. May Allah subhanahu Allah grant us understanding because that is a celebration of half of Eman. How can Allah bless a celebration of half of Eman being watered down by chiffons water now Allah subhanho wa Taala Gandhi's understanding
we have every reason to cry while law he the oma is degenerating into chaos, because our children are so unruly because the day we got married we never thought of the fact that we are marrying for children we just got happy and trigger happy May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding
and if thou Lama do not do something about this, we will never ever see a solution to this really, and we need to do something about it. Sometimes I've heard people saying no, what are we going to do you know there's a little corner for us that is not good enough inshallah. If we've done it in the past May Allah forgive myself and yourselves as well. But we will not repeat it for the sake of Allah subhanho
Allah don't we want a good Ouma? Don't you want good children? Don't you want happiness? Don't you want the truth then why do you want to compromise it by one function that is going to end the Wrath of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us about the days when it is prohibited to consume meat or to be intimate, the times and the seasons when it is prohibited to consume it and to be intimate, we are in Ramadan. Allah subhanho wa Taala says during the nights of Ramadan, yes it is permissible. You are permitted to be intimate during the nights of Ramadan, but during fasting during the daylight it is prohibited you abstain from food drink and permissible sexual desires. We are saying permissible because that which is prohibited is prohibited inside and outside Ramadan. But even that which is permissible for that moment you abstain from it so that you can appreciate it. When it becomes
permissible once again. We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us appreciate our spouses and to keep us with blinkers such that we look only in one direction and our eyes do not wander left and right May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us all.
So Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us about that in Surah Al Baqarah in Allah, Allah Allah
Allah
Allah subhanho wa Taala says the eaves or the nights in Ramadan, you are permitted to be intimate with your spouses Allahu Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us a deep understanding, during Hajj, also it is prohibited Allah says
Allah Allah azza wa jal kavala ji
whomsoever Hajj is in English incumbent upon or compulsory upon the go for Hodges from the moment you don't use a harem that is the two pieces of cloth right up to the time you make your Colossus era for the Hajj itself or right up to the time you come out of the harem for the case of Amara, in that particular time you are not allowed to be intimate with your spouses. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding. Another point Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks about is the menstrual cycle. Whilst a woman is on her menstrual cycle Allah says
does he know nissa? Tea, Mommy, you are allowed to do absolutely anything you want with your spouse's during the menstrual cycle besides the act of *. Besides being intimate with them, you are not alone. You are not allowed to be intimate with your spouse. While she is in the menstrual cycle during that particular period it is prohibited. And Allah subhanho wa Taala has instructed us in this regard.
Then Allah subhanho wa Taala speaks about how important it is to live with goodness with your spouse. Listen to what Allah says especially about the womenfolk Allah Subhana Allah Allah says in Surah Nisa
why she,
live with them with total goodness, live with them in a nice manner in a polite manner, live with your wives in a beautiful manner. And Allah says you might dislike one or two things you don't have to divorce because you don't like one or two things. If you don't like one or two things, there are another fusty things that are good, that might even come out of the same one or two bad mela protectors. You might not like, for example, the way she looks so much, but the way she looks after your children and the way she brings them up and what she teaches them and the time she spends with them, your children may be the coolness of your eyes, you did not realize it came to you through the
same wife, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us understanding.
And this is why immediately after telling us to be very polite and very good to our wives, and for the wives, obviously to the husbands as well. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, For
tomo, Natasa, Takahashi, y ajala, long movie.
If you dislike them, you might be disliking one thing, but Allah will create a lot of goodness, even through the same thing. So when you dislike one thing, two things, five things. If you were to divorce your spouse because of five things that you didn't like, she might have had 500 things that were good that you won't realize, except after the divorce, and you might get to someone else who might have 10 things that are wrong with her. Or she might have five things that are wrong with her which are even greater and which are more serious than those other five, or she might even have just one thing. And the same applies to the females. Any small thing I want to divorce I want out
anything I want out because the man looked at you and his eyes were a little bit early.
And he seemed to be angry. No, I'm going home, Allahu Akbar. If that's the case, how are we going to work? Didn't I tell you at the beginning of this talk, that marriage is a sacrifice, no room for laziness. You have to learn to sacrifice in marriage. A woman sacrifices almost her identity. Allahu Akbar. She gives up her house. She gives up her home, she gives up her family. She gives up her brothers and sisters. She travels she gives up her whole lifestyle. She comes into your home into your custody. She obviously misses her mother, her father, she misses her parents. How dare you keep her away from everybody? May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us protection inshallah. Yes, if they are
dangerous and they are bad and they are an evil influence, you need to talk to her and convince her and you need to realize and understand she then herself will minimize it. May Allah subhanho wa Taala not make us dictators in the home who are ruling with an iron fist such that when people look at us they feel so scared and worried. The marital home is not supposed to be a home of dictatorship. It is supposed to be a home of comfort and solace. A home of peace and tranquility, a home of understanding and tolerance. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us stand up for our responsibilities inshallah. So this is why Allah subhanho wa Taala says, you dislike one or two
things, concentrate on the other matters that you love and you like, you might want to think my husband, he might be this way and that way or he might not be able to speak to me with a soft tone, but he reads his Salah five times, and he is a truthful upright person Allahu Akbar, that should be a reason for you to stay in sha Allah. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us an opening, I have not yet crossed a quarter of the verses that I have written and I'm noticing that the hour is almost up and therefore inshallah we will continue a part two of this particular subject tomorrow by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Seeing that it is such an important subject, we need to learn we need to
teach and we need to put into practice as well. We all want happiness. The answer is in the Quran and the Sunnah of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we will never ever be able to achieve happiness until and unless we surrender to what Allah subhanho wa Taala and His Messenger have taught, because if that is not the case, we will not be able to arrive at what is known as happiness. It might just be short term explosion of of happiness, but it will not be a real meaningful bliss in our lives. We asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to grant us every form of goodness, until we meet again tomorrow with the remainder of the subjects we say wa Salatu was Salam ala
nabina Muhammad Subhan Allah Subhana Allah Allah, Allah Allah hi lantana sofiero kimono tabula