Mohammad Ali Hazratji – Conflict resolution an Islamic perspective.
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the potential negative consequences of conflict, including loss of harmony, dysfunctional relationships, and negative consequences for everyone. They emphasize the importance of unity and peace in resolving conflict, and the need for proactive communication and sharing opinions to avoid war. The speakers also emphasize the importance of respecting and negotiating with one's opinion, learning from the Prophet's teachings, and finding a trustworthy and sincere person. They stress the importance of identifying the conflict and proving debts to avoid damaging the relationship, and emphasize the need for everyone to act with peace and happiness.
AI: Summary ©
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah, Allah
Allah, he was a woman who Allah.
We thank Allah subhanaw taala for granting us this opportunity to
meet for this very important topic which was chosen by you,
which is
the topic of conflict resolution
in Islam.
So,
before we start,
let us look at the points that I'm going to be covering,
we are going to follow this pattern where we will
define what a conflict is.
Okay, and
what is the origin of conflict? What are the outcomes, negative
outcomes of conflict? And what is the legislative will of Allah
subhanaw taala? Does he want conflict? And then we go into how
to prevent conflict. And in case of a conflict, mediation and
arbitration,
and then we'll talk practically about what are the common
conflicts that you and I deal with? In our daily lives when
you're talking about conflict? We're not talking about, you know,
the occupation of the Palestinian lands, we're not talking about
major, we should we're talking about our level, I mean, that's
also a conflict but at a much higher level. So for practical
reasons, we have to deal with conflict in our world that's
nearest to us.
And then we may have a chance of solving larger conflicts in the
world.
So, the first thing is what is a conflict What do you understand
the word conflict. So, basically, conflict is defined as a
disagreement or an incompatibility that occurs between either two
individuals or two groups of people or two nations, you can
enlarge it in any way
and they have a negative perception of the actions and
behaviors of the other
kid they think negatively about it
and it causes harmful outcomes. So, there are four components
there is a disagreement, there are two groups of people or two people
and they think negatively of the other and the fourth is that the
outcomes are horrible, harmful.
So, why is there conflict so we come to the origin of conflict.
Now Allah subhanaw taala has what is called or other konia or
creative will,
when Allah created out of His will, He created diversity, okay,
different people, different colors, different languages, all
of that different ways of thinking different priorities. So when you
have a bunch of people with different
things they bring to the table diversity, what is going to
happen, they're not going to agree, okay. So,
when there is diversity because Allah decided that there would be
diversity there is a potential for conflict or disagreement.
Then on top of that, Allah subhanaw taala gave us a free
choice. He said you can do what you want, you can choose. So that
free choice then gives us the ability to argue and fight and all
of that.
And then Allah smart Allah endowed us with what is called enough's,
what is my inside my ego and my super ego and all of that, of how
I see the world. Okay? My likes my dislikes, and that's who truly I
am. I am not what you see outside. Okay, that's just the body. But my
inside my knifes and my character traits, my inner image is what is
important, especially if I have negative character traits, and
we'll go on to talk about that. That opens us up for conflict.
Now, even before other Melissa lamb was created, the angels
recognized that there was going to be conflict
because they had been exposed to a previous creation of Allah
subhanaw taala called
before us,
the jinns
and Jen is a creation that was given free choice. And what did
they do with that free choice? They fought it
killed.
So now Allah subhanaw taala tells the angels he says what it all
Arabica little Mala in Niger Island fill are the Khalifa
that I am indeed going to, to create on Earth My khalifa, my
representative, my vice Jarrett my visor.
orlu when they heard this, they said they were amazed, they said,
a danger Luffy or my youth said no fee however, yes, we could demo
you're going to create someone who's going to cause facade,
conflict and shed blood. And we are here to praise you all the
time. So they didn't understand why Allah subhanaw taala wanted to
do this. So, in other words, just knowing that some creation was
going to be created, which had the choice which had enough
the angels knew there was going to be conflict. So it was built into
the creative will of Allah subhanaw taala.
And then, if we look at our history, conflict started in the
first generation, who was the first generation
not all first generation who came to the US
the first generation who came on the Earth, where who
and that first generation after them were their children.
And what did the two sons of other Melissa lamb do?
Yes.
Kabhi copied one of them killed his brother. Talk about conflict,
this is the ultimate conflict Allah Subhana Allah says, For Tom
what law who knifes. So who knifes his Nuff said, Cut Allah He, his
nuff says inside his desires, his inclination said kill your brother
for kata Allahu, and he killed him.
And from that time on,
every generation
has had conflicts and will continue to have conflicts.
So this diversity and differences is the sign of Allah's creative
will. And he if he wanted he could have made us all into one nation.
And Allah subhanaw taala says that in the Quran, while lauscha rabuka
Elijah Allah NASA Amato Wahida if your Lord wanted he could have
made you if he will, surely mankind will be one on one
conflict one fate one thing everybody follows this, but then
he says wala does Aluna Dr. Levine but you do not stop.
If the law you know, disagreement, you will not cease to disagree
because you have you enough's and you have your free choice. And
Allah endowed us with a moral choice, you can worship Allah, you
can worship a stone you can worship nobody live your life
anywhere you want. So Allah subhanaw taala says,
But
will he die Lika halacha. And for this, we created you
so that it could be a test of people.
So Allah subhanaw taala says that he among the signs he says will
mean IATA, he helped us somehow it was among His Signs as he created
the heavens and the earth was delightful.
I'll say nautical come while Monaco and the differences in your
languages and your colors. This is a creative will that Allah doesn't
create two things similar, everything is different. So he
created this so that to all of this creation, we know that there
is a Creator to recognize Allah subhanaw taala and he says, and we
made you into nations and tribes Yeah, you're a nurse in the
Halacha Narkom in Dhaka and all mankind we made you into a man and
a woman but your Allah come show OBO Acaba, Allah, Allah Tada. And
we made you into nations and tribes so that you may recognize
each other. And then he goes on to say and the best of you. The most
honorable among you is the one who has Taqwa. So as we said,
differences have a potential for conflict. Now, the differences
could be differences in faith.
It could be differences in belief. It could be differences in values,
in your priorities, in your interests in life, your personal
preferences, your cultures, your languages, education, social step,
all of those.
When we have differences with each other, we recognize that
difference. Now that difference, you could process it as it's so
beautiful, that we have so many different people from different
nations different colors, different languages, so beautiful
sign of that's one way of processing it. But if you process
it through the lens of enough, that is not proper.
Especially the type of knifes which has predatory who wants to
usurp the rights of others grab everything, everything is mine, or
who is one just
causing conflict, you know, shaytani kind of knifes all who
has. So if you have, if you see differences through that lens, you
develop, you become biased against people, oh, this person of color,
or this person has an accent, oh, this person is not rich enough. So
you look at the same fact, instead of appreciating the differences,
you look down on people, and then your negative character traits
such as arrogance giver, I am better. This was the trait of
shaitan is that I'm not going to do such that to other because I'm
better.
You have delusions about yourself, but just overall, what is the
biggest delusion that I'm the best? Nobody's smarter than me.
Nobody has more wisdom than me. Nobody's better looking than me,
you know, at a smaller scale. And then this characteristic of
obstinacy, obstinate no matter what you prove, you produce no,
this is how it is, it's how it's going to be greed. And that's what
half the battles in the world are for material possessions for
natural resources of the world. Greed. Hirst's wanting to dominate
power and wealth, power and wealth are the two over which most
conflicts take place, including within the family,
who's going to inherit more of the parents money, my brother on me,
and the conflict starts, okay. So when you have all of these
differences, and you have enough, that's not sound and you have
inner characteristics, which are not good. And then you add a
catalyst of shaytani influences because shaytans primary goal is
to sow discord, which make people fight.
And the enemies of Islam, whether they're shaitan, or human, there
has been a war on Islam from the day the Prophet salallahu Salam
declared his message, and that war continues in different ways, then
it used to be physical. Now it is here.
The war is on your thinking on your ideology, on your values, and
that war will continue, except we don't recognize.
And because we are social animals, we interact with people, okay, if
you put bots in, in together, they will playing you will hear noise.
So if you put people together, as social creatures, we will have
conflict, which is an integral and an inevitable part of human
existence, because we interact with each other. And we will not
agree with everything that someone else says. And the next point is,
when there is a conflict, there are negative outcomes. So what are
the possible negative outcomes?
The least is loss of harmony, a harmonious relationship. Let's
take a relationship of a husband and a wife, living peacefully. Now
there is a conflict.
The peace is broken, or that's between you and your sibling,
whether it's between you and your friend or your roommate, whatever
it is. So the least thing that happens is, you don't feel
comfortable, it's no longer harmonious, the marriage becomes
dysfunctional, just words we use,
then gets worse there are divisions, I will not talk to SO
and SO SO and SO will not come into my house, I will not go to
this meeting out. So divisions and those divisions, become divisions
in the faith itself. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam taught us
and warned us about nations before he said, the Jewish nation
had differences the divided into 70 ones different sects. And he
said the Christians they divided had differences they became 72
sects. And he said you myoma will have differences he predicted the
future and you will divide into 73 sects, what does that mean? That
you will not learn from what the previous nations did wrong, you
will do even more.
Okay.
And then he said, one of them is the saved sect means people who
are but the majority of how Islam is to be practice. So, the next
negative impact is it produces weakness in the group. You know,
you hear this all the time, divide and conquer.
You know, there used to be for 600 years, the Ottoman Empire the
Khilafah, which ruled through most of Europe, and Asia and all of
that for 600 years, or Turkish brothers, from the descendants of
Arturo and Osman.
They dominated the world. Till such time that weakness game
weakness can because of divisions, and then the outside forces that
made the Muslims fight with each other.
And the
Khilafah fell apart only just little turkey was left. Everybody
else became their own country. Saudi became a country and Lebanon
became with it so all part of the same finish.
thing that was all one Egypt made them into little nations put
little pawns in front of everyone's and now your fight with
each other. And that's how it is. So Allah Subhan Allah Tala says Wa
to Allah wa sunnah who obey Allah and His Messenger, Wallah the NAZA
oh and do not dispute with each other because what will happen for
tough shallow, what does have a reciprocal your strength will
depart you will become weak. So, weakness will come instead of the
strength of unity. And then things get worse. People not only dislike
and dysfunctional they develop hatred for each other. And once
hatred comes in, then injustice comes, then you have occupation of
lands of properties, persecution, violation of human rights,
bloodshed, wars, atrocities, genocide, all of this from a
result of simple conflict.
So, these are some of the negative effects of a conflict that has not
been resolved. Okay, so it's very, very important that we deal with
it. So we talked about that this was the creative will of Allah
subhanaw taala. This is how he structured recording and does
Allah subhanaw taala want us to fight? And Felicia? No, so there
is a legislative will of Allah which is called the Sharpie will,
that Allah center Sharia and taught us? No, you're not to do
that. So what is the shadow a will of Allah, it is that he wants and
he desires for us. unity, harmony, Harmony amongst ourselves and with
the environment. Synergy put our energies together, and peaceful
coexistence.
So that's what Allah wants from us, even though we have the
potential of the opposite. Okay.
So, Allah subhanaw taala
tells us many places in the Quran that if you see a dispute between
believers, or groups of believers are two people. You should
you should intervene, you should mediate and bring peace. For
example, now just read the translations. Allah subhanaw.
Taala says, And if two groups of believers fight each other, then
make peace between them that says, well, but if one of them
transgress against the other than fight against the transgressing
group, if one of them will not listen, you fight against him
until they are willing to submit to the rule of Allah.
If they do so, then make peace between the two groups, the goal
is peace.
Surely Allah loves those who uphold justice. And then Allah
subhanaw taala tells us at our individual levels, he says in
normal menina ICWA that indeed, Muslims are one Brotherhood or
sisterhood, you know, you should treat each other like a brother
and sister, for us level Beiner a Hawaii come and do solely do
mediation and bring peace between your brothers if they fight with
each other or your sisters. What Takala And fear Allah La La come
to our honeymoon so that Allah may show you justice. So these are
just two of the Iots I took. Well, Allah subhanaw taala expresses his
will that he wants us to live in peace. And if we see a conflict,
it's our responsibility as Muslims to resolve the conflict. Now the
prophetic tradition, the Hadees, for this are too numerous to
count. I've just chosen a few.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam said, advising his
companions and through them us he says, Learn Ababa do wala de hacer
do Willa dabba Rue Allah Takata he said,
do not harbor hatred against each other. Do not harbor jealousy
against each other do not show your backstreet admins don't turn.
I'm not going to talk to you. I'm not going to talk to you. And then
he said,
and don't cut off relationships with each with each other. We're
cool. No, I bought the lie
and become the true servants of Allah brothers.
The Brotherhood of faith that is the most important it's a command
from us will be brothers don't do all of these things.
In another narration, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam said it is
not permissible for a Muslim to shun his brother and when we use
the word brother, it means sister and the same for more than three
nights you're not allowed to
not talk to each other. Beyond that. He said when they meet one
of them turns away then the other one turns away and he said the
best of them is the one who greets his brother first. So if you're
having a fight, take the upper road say A salaam alaikum my
brother. Let's
go
resolve this problem that we have, okay, the one who takes
initiative. So the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam said, It is
not lawful for a Muslim to avoid speaking to his brother or sister
beyond three days, that's the limit for you to calm down, think
rationally and so on so forth.
In another narration the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that Allah
subhanaw taala as deeds are Amaan are presented to Allah subhanaw
taala on Mondays and Thursdays.
Okay, tomorrow
and when they're presented to Allah subhanaw taala. And if that
person has not done any sugar associated any partners with Allah
subhanaw taala.
Allah subhanaw taala says,
they are all forgiven, except the person in whose heart there is
rancor against his brother.
I've got problems that will not be pardoned.
And then Allah says, hold these two means don't write them as
forgiven until they're reconciled with Asia. Now can you imagine if
we are continuing to fight for one week, two weeks a whole year's
worth of sins are sitting there have not been forgiven just
because we are too stubborn to fix relationships to solve the
problem.
In a similar narration Prophet sallallahu sallam said the gates
of paradise are open on Mondays and Thursdays. And every servant
who associates nothing with Allah will be forgiven except the man
who has a grudge against his brother.
Okay.
In another narration, the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam is alleged
to have said, he said, Shall I not inform you of what is more
virtuous than the rank of fasting, Salah and charity? Now, those are
some of the greatest good deeds we can do fasting Salah and charity.
So should I tell you something better? The companion said yes, of
course. You want to know. He said making peace and reconciling
between two people.
So that's how important it is for us to do that. And then he said
For indeed spoiling relationship with each other is a Holika, which
means he said it. It erases your religion.
shaves, like like a shave it shaves your religion away.
And another narration is said anyone who forsakes his brother
for a year I've cut off my relationship for one year. It is
as if he has shed His blood.
And there are some instructions from Siena Ali ibn Abi Talib,
which when he was about the Allah on horadada. When he was the
Khalifa he sent to his governors who were fighting other forces
outside of Islam. And he said
to the army, he said
do not reject peace if your enemy may call you to it.
But he said be careful.
Okay.
And the next we go to how do we so now we have a background? What is
the conflict where it comes from? And what Allah subhanaw taala
wants from us now. So what can we do as a preventative Because
prevention is better than cure? So we have a proactive approach.
Number one is something called Shura. Does anybody know what
Shura means?
In order to Mushara.
Shura means mutual consultation that people sit together, put
their minds together, give their opinions on a particular topic to
see what is the best way of doing something that's called the shura
Shura Council people took such as the MSA meets together and we say
we have such and such program or we want to do this this is our
goals for the year. And every member the President speaks vice
president the CO president the common person, the Treasurer, they
all give their opinion okay. So, what happens with that is one you
come up with a collective opinion and secondly, nobody feels that I
have no say in the matter that they are they decide then you
become part of that unit. Okay. So it promotes unity. And this is
what Allah subhanaw taala describes the quality of the
believers people who are believers of Eman and who have Torquil
tawakkul means what reliance on Allah Subhana Allah so Allah
subhanaw taala is talking about people are Manu Allah rob a Miata
McAloon Who are these people who have Iman and our Quran Allah, but
Allah denas The Jabu Lyra beam, a Karma Salah, the stablish salah,
while Umrah whom Shura by now they conduct their affairs with Shura
that this is a characteristic trait of a believer.
Okay,
So,
number one.
So the shooter minimizes the potential for conflict between the
stakeholders in that decision making. So it's a process of
decision making. That leads to a positive atmosphere where
everybody feels they have a say in the matter.
And
it's the, the importance of this was stressed in by Al Hassan Al
bursary, one of the top grade tablin of the second generation of
Islam. He said, By Allah, no group gathers to consult to Shuara,
except they're guided to the best outcome because of that
consultation, that the Hand of Allah is over the shoulder because
they are trying to come to the best decision. So Allah's help
comes to make the right decisions. Now, who should be giving an
opinion, the shooter, you need to have some knowledge? If I know
nothing about what opinion am I going to give? Unfortunately,
today the style is you know nothing about something but you
have an opinion.
What right, do you have opinion, if you know nothing about the
subject, right?
You have a common social conversation that talks about
something.
And the greatest victim of that is Islam. In a social gathering,
something Islamic, somebody who has no idea of Islam practices,
nothing will give an opinion.
That's unfortunate. So you need to have knowledge, some expertise.
And you have to have wisdom on the key elements of what you're
deciding to do. Okay? If it's organizing, and you need to have
some organized organizational skills, and they should have
knowledge on the issues, if you're designing something for us, you
should have been here a little bit. So you know, how things work
here? What are the challenges that Muslim students face here? Okay,
what are the positives? What are the negatives? So, and in this
shooter, if you're getting together five people, the MSA or
true and the family family should be mother father, children sitting
together to make a decision, simple things even when should we
go for vacation or not? invertible simple thing. Okay. So
the shura has the face of the person who will make final
decision. And he asks people's opinion. So the etiquette is that
you should give your opinion on the matter humbly, you should not
force your opinion.
Don't argue,
to force your opinion to favor your opinion. Okay. I'm saying
this and I keep arguing, just give your opinion, this is what I feel
should be. And if somebody gives an opinion, which is very
different than yours, don't ridiculous Oh, my God, what? How
ridiculous is that? How do you know? Just listen to it, listen,
and be respectful for that opinion. Maybe that person has
this right? Is more right than you are?
Number three, when you think when you give an opinion, look for the
maximum benefit of what we are trying to do for the group, not
what my personal likes. Okay.
You know, for example, we're trying to arrange a halacha at
MSA,
majority of people say Wednesday evening is good for us. But I have
a class on Wednesday evening. So I said no, Tuesday's good. Why
because it's funny. So we should give where it's beneficial for the
majority of people.
And then once a decision is made, we should accept and support that
even if it's completely opposite from what we gave as an opinion.
Okay, so
the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam has faced many difficult
situations and who was guiding him who was sending him way for each
situation, Allah Samantha. So did he need to make consultation with
his people? So Allah would guide them yet what happens? Allah so
Allah commanded the Prophet, he said, What shall we room fill
number? Make sure are with them in your matters for either Assumpta
and when you've decided for Tawakkol Allah then put you
realize, so Allah subhanaw taala crib directly son do this. No to
teach us. He ordered the Prophet so he would sit with his
companions. This is a situation what should we do? And simple
example of that in the Battle of Baba, the Prophet salallahu Alaihe
Salam met with these people and he set up camp one place.
And then he asked, Is this okay? One person came, he said, you
know, we should set up camp here, because these are the advantages
of this. This is the disadvantages and the prophets, Allah Allah,
Allah some didn't say, Who the heck are you? I am the messenger
of Allah. You are telling me that I made a wrong decision. He said
Oh,
Ken Wilber camp
that's what it should be. Okay? So consult consultation. That's the
first thing number two, what we call this gear to knifes means to
purify though that inner ego of ours. So that is always not just
looking for my best interests, my inclinations and things like that.
So, we need to cleanse ourselves of the blameworthy inclinations,
that we have personal desires, you know, character traits, whether
our greed, whether I have got arrogance, whether I have short
fuse, I get angry, whether I have lack of patience, all of those
lead to conflict. So, there is a process which is called the skill
of purification of the nerves where we make we learn from our
teachers, from our spiritual teachers how to fix those inner
things. It's a disease, just like if you have we are sick from
something else, and infection or pneumonia or something, we go to
the doctor, these are spiritual diseases. So we go to the doctors
of spiritual health in our OMA that Allah Swanton has placed who
take from the prophetic tradition from the Quran and teach us how to
fix a problem.
Then we have to learn the next thing we have learned about St.
Laugh means we have to learn the etiquette how to differ with each
other. Okay.
So the first thing we need to know is we need to respect the other.
Okay? Number two, we have to respect opposing opinions.
You may not agree with it, but you don't shoot it down.
And we need to learn the ability to debate and to discuss without
anger. No, the moment something someone says something different.
No, I fly off the handle and I'm yelling and screaming that one's
got my face is red and all of that that's an M banging on the table.
That's not you should be able to carry on a normal conversation. So
no anger, no impatience, no rank. And the primary objective should
be that we want to reach to the truth, we want to reach to what is
the best for the people and for ourselves. And one of their
tickets is protection of unity that I shouldn't say something, a
word or a tone, that's going to cause problems. So we should be
very, very careful.
And we should also accept that there can be more than one right
opinion. Okay, they can be more than one right to pinion.
And part of that is to be humble enough to have humility, and be
aware of my own weaknesses that No, I am not the greatest gift
that God has given to mankind. Okay, I can be wrong, I may be
thinking in a faulty way. Okay, maybe I'm good in something, maybe
I'm not good at something else. So
learn in a debate, to be humble, to be gentle, to use the right
tone and not to fight and get angry and impatient. The fourth
proactive thing is what we call the r1 are mutual cooperation, you
know, cooperate in everything that's good. Allah subhanaw taala
teaches us in the Quran, cooperate with each other in what is good.
It's not like okay, you won't do it my way, and go do it on your
own, I have nothing to do with it. That's what our attitude
frequently is. And that's the wrong attitude.
Then we come that part of this requires patience, suburb, suburb
suburb, don't lose it. And the goal is to promote unity. And the
next one is, we should also always assume good, if person is given,
he wants good. Okay, have a good opinion of people don't be
thinking negative, that's called first Nirvan that you always give
the benefit of the doubt to the person instead of if he's saying
something suspicious? No, he doesn't, he thinks something good
or he must have an ulterior motive behind it. That's the opposite. We
should always think good of people. And then the last one that
I've added here is because Allah has mentioned this in the Quran,
Allah subhanaw taala says, well I testable Hassan Wallacea that good
and evil are not equal. Is it fabulous? To hear acid so if
somebody is doing bad to you doing evil to you, he said, repel it by
doing good person and Allah subhanaw taala says what will
happen if you do that? So it's, it's easy if you're yelling at me,
for me to yell back? If you're being mean to me, for me to be
mean to you, if you want to punch me I punch you back. But Allah
Allah should respond in a better way. Not the same. Don't be equal.
You said if you keep doing that for either
for either lady Binaca Albania who at our tune, and who will you
inhumane and if you keep doing that one day, your enemy will
become your close friend.
Okay, this is what Allah says. So it's not a tit for tat thing. You
You know, you want to get nasty with you, I'll show you how nasty
I can be. No, it's not that I'll show you how good I can be why?
Because that's what my Rob ordered me to do. Okay.
So this is some of the things that I put together as a proactive,
preventative approach to conflict. Now, a conflict has developed and
you are aware of it. So once a conflict develops, what do you do?
And that's what we call mediation or arbitration, in the case of
dispute and conflict.
For that, you have to choose an A Muslim arbitrate
someone a Muslim, who is going to try and bring people together.
Now, what should be the qualification of somebody like
this?
Do you want one the one who likes to put fuel into the fire? Do you
want the one to be the one who is unjust, who only likes one person,
so he's going to know? So this person number one needs to have
knowledge number two, they need to have wisdom because the goal is to
bring people together not to make them enemies for life, okay? And
to act with justice, because Allah commanded that we do things with
justice. So this person should be trustworthy, should be truthful.
He should have some expertise in mediation, whether they're trade,
taught in psychology, whether they're trained and as Imams
should do that, and they should be sincere, that I sincerely want to
bring my brothers and sisters together.
And everything this person for as a frame of reference, should refer
everything to the highest source, what is the higher source?
Quran and the Sunnah. Okay, on this matter, what does Allah and
his resources Allah, that's the ultimate authority.
So, this person who was chosen to mediate should judge according to
the Quran and Sunnah. And that's the foremost principle in conflict
management and resolution that we refer things back to the original
Islamic sources because that's what Allah smart Allah commanded
us to be. It's not like evaluating to position two Muslims may both
be wrong and say, well, I'll find the one who's less wrong. No, we
bring them back to what is right in which it comes from the Quran
and the Sunnah.
So in this, we need to find something that pleases Allah
subhanaw taala.
And
the Quran gives us guidance towards conflict management and
resolution, Allah subhanaw taala says that all you who believe obey
Allah and obey the messenger number one, and those in authority
among us, it's also telling us that if somebody is putting
authority to bring resolution, you should listen to them. Okay? And
you're leaders in that case, and if you disagree over anything,
Allah subhanaw taala says, refer it to Allah and His messenger. I
mean, what do they, how would they, if you should believe in
Allah and the Last
means it's a sign of iman, if you don't refer it to Allah in the
Quran, the Quran and the Sunnah. That means you're really not a
believer. In another place. Allah subhanaw taala says, but no, by
your Lord O Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi salam, they cannot be
believers until they make you judge in all disputes between them
and finding their souls, no resistance against your decisions.
Now Rasulullah salAllahu alayhi salam is not with us, but his
teachings are with us. So if you are a mediator in my dispute with
somebody, and you come to me and you tell me in this situation,
this is what Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam said, that means this
person has made Allah's Rasul as the final verdict. Now I said, No,
I don't agree with it. Then Allah subhanaw taala says you don't have
email.
Allah subhanaw taala says no, they have not believed unless they take
you take the Quran and the Sunnah as the final decision, and not
only to accept it but fine in their souls no resistance. It's
minus doesn't. I don't like it even though it's in the Quran,
sunnah. Okay, and accepted with the fullest submission.
So, this independent arbitrator should be chosen and he has to
deal with this conflict. So, first thing is to identify the conflict,
what is the conflict all about? What are you fighting? What are
the two people fighting, disagreeing about? So it has to be
identified. And then the next thing that the responsibility of
this mediator is to verify the facts and the allegations
allegations, one is saying this one is saying this. So this person
needs to find witnesses one person has one side of the story one side
so verify what are the facts and on this Allah subhanaw taala again
commands is everything isn't the price a yeah you're Latina hammer
no or you will believe again that's the the quality in Jah come
faster comm whenever somebody comes to you with the news for W
verify it clarify it. Because if you don't Allah subhanaw taala
says, If you don't investigate it, you may harm people out of
ignorance because you make a wrong decision. You didn't look into it,
you know, and you may later be regretful.
So, the opposite of this is also true. So you find somebody who is
reliable and trustworthy if he brings some information you accept
somebody who's lying and who's causing problems you don't accept.
Then
once you have all the information you have to act with and you have
your criteria. Here's what the Quran and Sunnah say about this
matter, then you have to act with justice. No, it's not like you
know, I'm really friends with so and so. We have family friends, so
now I have to act in this way. This once was my real brother. So
I have to act and Allah subhanaw taala says yeah, yo la nina Manu.
Kumu Kahua Amina Bill tasty. Shuhada Illa Allah, Allah
unphysical he said, Oh, you who believe stand firmly for justice
as witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourself.
What does it mean against yourself means that you accept the fact
that you may be wrong. Okay?
Or invalid anyone aka Robin, or your parents, your kin, whether
they are rich, whether they are poor, Allah subhanaw taala says
stand up for justice. The key is Allah saying stand up for justice,
even against yourself. And that against yourself means you are in
the wrong that means you're taking ownership that I may have a major
role to play in this conflict. It could have been my fault. Normally
when we go into conflict, whose fault is it? Because the other
one's fault, right? I'm never wrong is the other one they're
causing problems. But there's a possibility you could be causing
problems. So Allah subhanaw taala saying stand up for justice, take
ownership. So the arbiter once the arbitrator gets all the
information, puts it through the filter of the Quran and Sunnah.
The what is the just position now they have to formulate a Naseeha a
guidance a advice to the two parties, okay? And they may give a
different advice to each one doesn't have to be the same
because one may have a different position you bring him here one
may have a different you bring him here the goal is to bring them
together
and that's what happens in marital counseling. wife has a different
thing husband has your goal is to bring them together not just the
way you're right you're right he's terrible. You're right you're
right she's terrible. No no
you know maybe she's right maybe she's trying to do the right thing
maybe he's trying to do so let's think positively so. So the the
arbitrator comes up with in a si ha which is sincere advice to his
compatriots in the event of mistakes or dispute, because the
Prophet sallallahu sallam said they know Islam in the den nasiha
is the deen of Islam is nasiha giving good advice.
So that in brief is how we approach a conflict.
Now, what are the common conflicts we deal with at our level?
Have you ever had a conflict with your parents who has in this
house?
Everybody except some saintly people.
conflict will be simple. They say I want you to go into engineering
sir No, I'm going to go into business. And then you It goes on
and on. Simple thing. I want to go to UMass. I don't know I want you
to stay home. There's no I want to live in the dorm conflict starts
with your siblings. How many of you have fights with the siblings
raise your hands younger orcas.
Now none of you are married but the most common conflict is a
spousal conflict husband and wife it is not paradise.
When you have a safe day where there is nothing no disagreement
is a Subhanallah This is why it's good life is going to be in
paradise. Or it doesn't happen here. Okay. You fight with friends
you find with room roommates, you have fights within MSA is their
divisions you know I will never come back you will never come back
and so on so forth. You will be fight with neighbors you know you
cut your grass too close to mine. You put this you dumped your
leaves on my property. Okay, it goes on.
So at an individual level when we
fit, you know where the problem is?
State of the knifes minus.
I have delusions about myself. I have arrogance. How dare this
person do this doesn't even know who he's talking to. I'm older
than him. I'm smarter than him my grades are higher than them I have
more money than my properties. My house is better than this house. I
drive a better car all of this. Then there is stubbornness no
matter what is presented? No, I'm going to stick to this rigidity,
narrow minded thinking, okay. And ignorance. I don't know about
saying but I will stick to it out of arrogance. And I don't want to
learn.
So, in these individual conflicts, which you may have,
and you must have first thing to do before you go to any media
tourists say
I am a party in the dispute.
The first one that I have power on to fix is me. Let me look at
myself. Let me look at my enough's. Let me look at my
character traits that are negative, and let me fix me rather
than fix her or him. And that's the same, we teach in marital
counseling.
Fix yourself, don't fix your spouse.
And if each one took that approach, there would be very
little conflict. Okay.
And this happens even before in premarital, I just like the way
this person looks, I'm going to marry that, but they do this.
We'll fix it afterwards, you're not going to fix anything
afterwards. Because they're going to be who they are. If you start
fixing if you have a stick that this way you try and straighten
it, you will snap it. Okay? So choose carefully. It will never be
a perfect match. And that's another dream. Okay, dream match.
There are no dream matches those compromises what our basic
fundamental requirements before I get married, the rest I can deal
with. Okay? So
let's do this.
look within ourselves. When there's a conflict, don't be
blaming, pointing the finger at other as somebody says in when you
point a finger at somebody, three fingers are pointing at you.
I am more. Take it. I am the one and I'll take the upper road. I'll
be the first one to say salam I'll be the first one to apologize.
Why? It doesn't make me any less.
And then we have in Islam conflicts over juristic
differences, you know, someone's one, so is Shafi so and so as a
Maliki so Anza Hanafi. No juristic differences are all valid. They're
all proper Islam. This has nothing to fight over.
You came from a country where there's predominantly Hanafi
Mother, you came from Turkey or India. That's what it is. You came
from Palestine predominantly. Shafi, you came from North Africa
predominantly Maliki no problem. You can Saudi Arabia humbly. Okay.
Predominantly, but that doesn't mean the other is wrong. I'm the
only one who's right. Okay. So don't be too rigid about it.
If somebody is doing something different, and I'm not talking
about the one who was doing six sides Dinesh Ricard, because
that's a normal that was laughing. That's not the
but if you take any of the positions of our for Sunni Medina,
they are all sound. Now there may be a situation in which there is a
majority opinion one side and one school is what's called the
jobholder Lola mine that you may decide, okay, I follow this
school, predominantly. But on one matter, the other three, support a
different position all three on one, then maybe perhaps I should
do that. And that's okay, too. But if you stick to yours, that's
still okay. But don't call somebody else wrong because He's
raising his hands always not raising his hand or he's praying
with his hands down. Or he's not doesn't have the hand. He has the
hand here. He hasn't had small things. Okay. So don't make it a
source of disagreement. Because sometimes lack of proper other and
just unjustified criticism. All of it comes from ignorance,
defamation, negative labeling. So and So Salafi swans were Sufi so
and so this labels start. And yes, some people have deserved some of
these they but it all comes from the NEF tiny elements,
that I am the only one who's in the correct position, everybody
else's agenda. And then it goes to the level of what's called Tech
fee, that if you don't do this, you're careful.
I mean, that's the extreme and that people who do that
so the great Islamic scholars the musta head on Imam Malik Imam Abu
Hanifa Imam Shafi mama would have been humbled, Imam Moussa and
others. They looked at similar data and they care
In both opinions of how to interpret it, and all of those are
right to their if they love which is called differing opinions,
because their goal was to come up with the best
opinion in a matter where there was no clear text to say it one
way, okay? Where there is a clear text pneus from the Quran and the
Sunnah. That's what it is, but where it isn't, then they came up
with this. So
how they approached it the two different paths, the goal was the
same to reach the truth.
So
the, these differences are in what we call
small the Frewer a not in the foundational things like the
pillars of Islam, these are small things, and these permissive and
they existed at the time of the cyber, okay? But the Savas didn't
fight with each other over these things or call them you know,
you're coughing I'm, you know, I'm not. So, in mama suity It was
great. Shafi Imam said, the translation the differences and
diversity in the medina hub are a special gift from the Wrath of
Allah for this ummah. This is to grant this ummah is expansion and
flexibility. So there is flexibility, make it easy, in
certain situation one mother makes things easier in some something
else. So
take it and accept it that this is a great boundary of Allah subhanaw
taala and a special virtue that was granted to this almighty was
not given to previous Oh, my dad, a very rigid Sharia. If you left
something, you were out of the fold of Judaism, okay. Allah
subhanaw taala gave us this flexibility because Allah said,
you read the law by common use, that Allah intends for you ease
and these four muda hip the Hanafi Maliki Shafi humbly, are a
practical fulfillment of this promise of Allah and acting upon
any one of these is within the norms of the law. And we have been
given choices
hypnotize me i One of the great scholars of that the the humbly
might have the self is look up to and they're very rigid. Some of
them it's in these new Salafi groups.
They always caught two people one of them is Edna Tamia what is even
it Emirati Allah Han or not Allah let's say in this matter, he said
about those four Imams he said each Mao whom Hoja atheria When
they have agreed on something that is a binding law,
what if the law for whom Rama was here, and where they have
differed? This is Allah's expensive mercy.
So this is how he approached not that, okay, you're different,
you're careful, okay, it's nothing like that.
Now, with all of what we have said, there are still some
essential requirements for resolution of a conflict. If there
are two people in conflict.
One has no desire to end the conflict, no matter what you do is
not going to end. So the two warring parties, so conflicting
parties have to have a sincere desire to resolve the conflict.
Okay, I want to end this enough. Number two, they have to have
enough Iman awareness that Allah is eruptive, he's always watching
he sees what we're doing to each other. And this is not what Allah
wanted. And therefore, I want to do something that will please
Allah subhanaw taala, which is to resolve this issue, okay.
And the person should have a genuine desire for justice, you
know, we want to be fair in this not just what I want.
And part of that is essential, as we said, willingness to accept our
own my own force, I take ownership of the problem, I am part of the
problem. Okay. So I have got contributed to this conflict, and
therefore, I can make those changes within me. That's
and then a willingness to forgive and not hold grudges that okay, we
resolve this, okay, you shook hands and you hug each other, but
your hearts haven't come together. So there should be sincerity and
clean. Okay, it's done. It's done finished. My heart feels at ease
with you, your heart fields, we are brothers. Okay, let's forget
what happened.
And the willingness to seek help of arbitrator or a group of people
to do that, because this negative interaction is said she said
issues that goes on. You have to be willing to break this negative
cycle the cycle of negativity, and is it easy? The answer is no. But
you have to do it. Because I want to resolve these
problems. So now we come to just a summary of
how this paradigm works. That on the left, we have on your left
here we have
the preventative things we talked about, the shorter the
consultation, the purification of the knifes learning how to
disagree, cooperating with each other patients unity and assuming
good of people and repelling reacting to people's harm with
goodness. So those are the preventative. So we have in the
center the disputants in a conflict. So when you have you
fall in a conflict, first thing you should do is you should look
back at these eight things.
If I'm missing some of those, I should work on those. Okay. Number
two, the disputants should look to the right, refer to the Quran and
Sunnah for final decision, what does Allah and His messenger say
in this matter?
Now, you may say, Well, I don't know what the Quran is, which is
okay, because I have not studied it. Okay.
The third thing they should do, as we said, is that critical self
analysis, I need to fix me, what is my role in this conflict? Let
me at least start by fixing this. So if I've taken these three
approaches, and it's not making any headway, then I go and I seek
arbitration talking, appointed mediator.
Now, as we said, the job of the mediator is the mediator does what
is called the fastboot, or verification of the the two cases
whatever they are presenting from witnesses, from circumstantial
evidence to come up with what the facts are. So he takes that and
then the arbitrator, again, refers back up to what does the Quran and
Sunnah say on this matter, okay.
So taking all of that, they come up with
what should be the right way of handling this with justice, and
then they give in a see
a verdict and advice to the people and that advice is given back to
the disputants in the conflict. Now, it may turn out that because
they did not meet the criteria of really wanting to fix that. They
don't agree with this mediator, in which case, this mediator can then
if he's unsuccessful, refer it to a shoe rack. Okay, you said it's
one person's opinion, let's get a group of four or five elders, wise
people, knowledgeable people who are trained and qualified or who
are trained in Islam, put them together to deal with the thing
and let them deal with it. But even if they come up with a set
suggestion, if that one of the parties in the conflict does not
want to resolve it, it will never get resolved.
So that is, in short, how we resolve conflicts and Islam. And
we finished on time.
How many of you are currently in a conflict
with anybody, one?
Anybody, whatever conflict, wherever you have, what you've
learned today, you're going to go when you're moving and getting out
of this room, you're going to start thinking about what is my
contribution to this conflict? Then you're going to call this
party that you are in conflict with Salam aleikum. I'm Hajah.
Right?
Let's get together. This conflict has gone on long enough. Allah
wants us to that is be brothers and sisters together. Let's meet
together. And even if the person gives you a hard time, so no, I
don't have time. So when you fight, I'll keep coming back to
you.
Start, okay, because otherwise all we have said is theory
of hardiness is not theory. If we have conflict, remember, our sins
are not being forgiven.
Neither on Mondays, not on Thursdays.
So make sure that you are not in conflict with anyone difficult and
don't get into a conflict if you're not by studying these
proactive approaches, okay?
And ask Allah subhanaw taala to show you your own force, not to
show you the faults of the others so that you can fix your Allah
show me
my bed. So that and help me to fix it
and bring peace and harmony between me. And so and so. That's
what I want, whether it's my sister, whether it's my brother,
where it's my blood relatives, whether it's person faith in
Islam, whether it's a neighbor, anyone else. And this is how it
becomes groups, if nations and be leaders of nations taught in these
terms, so let's act with justice. Let's act with kindness. Let's do
good things. We wouldn't be having all the conflicts that we have in
the bloodshed
somewhere
Last month alone because people have peace and at least
internalize what we have learned inshallah and all of you are going
to work for peace for yourself and if you see a conflict to address
it right, you have some basic tools right? There's a lot more
details to it but in an hour that's the best we can do. Okay,
so Hanukkah Lahoma would be on deck Masha Allah Eli Lannister
Overlake