Maryam Lemu – Marriage Gems – Reduce Your Excess Baggage and Be Flexible

			One of the things I did during the courtship is basically to say, say, Ah, you have skeletons in
your cupboard, you need to clear those skeletons to be able to be the best husband, you can be for
Marian. So there was a lot of introspection, there's a lot of going into the self, a journey into
the self genuine discovery. And what I had to confront, were a lot of what I consider my weaknesses,
that would become problematic for me as a husband. And I fought, in all honesty, that the time that
I had, with all the introspection have done, that I figured it out, and I found the answers to all
those questions, until we got married and moved to the States. And within two weeks, Marian asked me
		

			for a divorce. And I was like, what
		

			many of you have heard this story, but I was shocked.
		

			And I was like, No, this is not gonna happen. I have done all the introspection, all the self
analysis, all the self criticism that I needed to do to be what I thought was the perfect husband. I
think even in that attitude of mine, there was an element of arrogance. And
		

			we started having problems the first fight very simple. You know, I worked very hard, you know, and
among the dowry that was put together, I got a very expensive watch, of course, was waterproof and
everything and, but Maria would do everything with the watch, she would do the dishes, she would,
you know, even go to the shower with the dishes, and whether with the watch on her hand, and I was
like, wait, wait, wait, I suffered to buy that watch country, just respect the watch, take it off,
put it down before you go into the shower, or do the dishes and I told him, my mother's in my
family, I say my family. This is how quick watch us watches all the time. Believe me, ladies and
		

			gentlemen, that is the beginning when you start setting the rules based on how you were raised, you
are setting up your own home with new rules. But when you say in my house, which I had an attitude,
and she said, well in my house, and here we were
		

			two stubborn people. I am the eldest of the family, very pampered kind of privileged, she was the
baby of the family kind of swelled also a privilege. And nanded we clash, but I wasn't as stubborn
as he was so okay, well, what are you on that point, but let's go.
		

			That was the beginning. That was where we just were not here. We were madly, really madly in love
with each other. But these experiences, which was what I said in the first episode, that we are the
sum of our experiences, kept rearing their ugly heads in the home that we were trying to create. And
I wasn't able to say you didn't cover this area. And I think that was a problem. I covered a lot
about myself but never thought about what those experiences were doing to me and what it was doing
to her. And it went on now that particular
		

			problem. The fights were in love where we have fights we're in love now. Right? And I said you know
Maria, I don't think it is the right atmosphere to bring a child into the world.