Maryam Lemu – Marriage Gems 2

			Let me share what else worked for me. I needed to understand my spouse's unique needs, wants and
fantasies, I stress those fantasies. Why? Because they are so important in the relationship. And I
needed to learn to share mine. A lot of women don't want to express their fantasies, they don't want
to talk about it. A lot of us feel shy, talking about our fantasies with our spouse, we feel
vulnerable. I needed to learn to share mine with my spouse, I learned that intimacy was such an
important feature in the relationship, that it's an important part of the relationship, and that
women make love emotionally. And men make love physically, that was something else that I didn't
		

			know beforehand that we talk. And it's like, we're making love, we feel we're ready to do anything
for our spouse if we feel we are heard and valued. Whereas for men, this is like there's no
connection, you can fight with him in the morning and he wants to make love to you soon afterwards,
there is no connection. Talk about * regularly, his likes and dislikes and yours as well. Observe
his response to you, how he reacts to you. When you're making love how, what does he respond to what
does he enjoy, and be ready to do things and learn to be original, learn to be different. Learn to
be original, learn to be unique. It may take you reading literature on these things, but do things
		

			that make you unique. Don't make intimacy a formality. That is so important. Don't make it a
routine. Don't make it boring. Don't let culture or tradition get in the way of intimacy. A lot of
men who had affairs unfortunately will tell you that they did it because they wanted spice. They
don't let tradition come in, and then look hot at home for your spouse. My just before I got
married, my dad told me a story which I loved. And I still use it all the time. Sincerely I do even
my case. Funnily enough, my kids noticed this. My dad told me of my mom's friend in Egypt, they were
together. And one day when she they spent the whole day together. And my mom noticed that her friend
		

			LASIK was getting made up and you know, putting perfume on and looking fresh. And she said nothing.
Are you going home? Sorry, are you going out? She said no, my husband's coming home. And the day
before I got married, my dad gave me that advice that I should look good for my husband, even at
home when he's coming home. And when he's at home. And I know my kids observe when I'm putting on
makeup and so on and you know, or cleaning myself up and they say Mama, are you going out? And I
said no, but he's coming home, or just want to look good for your dad. And I'm trying to also teach
them at the same time. Sometimes they see their dad combing his hair, washing his face and looking
		

			fresh and they will ask him where is he going somewhere. He says no, just looking good for your mom.
So try and make sure you look good for your spouse. We are guilty of looking good for people
outside, make sure you look good for your spouse. And then stay fresh. Keep your hair clean.
Sometimes we will spend two weeks three weeks without washing our hair. Try and make sure you keep
yourself very clear. Remember, we talked about this during the other talk that yesterday? Let's make
sure we keep our personal hygiene, you know have the utmost of importance, especially by using
deodorants and antiperspirants. And then remember that we have natural pheromones don't put perfumes
		

			that are so strong that your own natural body odor, the good one, not the smelly, sweaty one, the
good one is overshadowed and your spouse isn't able to enjoy that natural smell. And then be
unpredictable. You know, don't just say I'm gonna wait till nighttime, you know to be intimate with
my spouse, surprise your spouse. Sometimes invite him home from work and, you know, be adventurous,
try something crazy and different, you know, quickies and so on. Don't be boring. Don't be in a
routine and so on. Try different places and just a bit for the bed. So learn to please your spouse
don't allow him to fantasize about something that has not been forbidden for us. For some of you who
		

			may already have found educational tools, especially if you're getting books that will teach you
these things. Use them to learn as long as they're for education. This is how you will learn to grow
and if your spouse is adventurous, you can learn together and grow together and find out what
pleases the other. Learn about sexting. During the day. Keep him keep yourself at the top of his
mind by sending you know sexually suggestive text messages. But be very smart and learn to delete
		

			Eat it and remind him to delete it as well because sometimes phones get stolen, but use it to create
that anticipation of what's to come at the end of the day and excitement especially for me what I
love to do is dragon crazy when he's traveled long distance because it makes him so eager to come
back to me and then make him feel like a king. Make him feel like a king and I promise you He will
make you the queen of the house. I'm content with what I have because he's the man I married and I
married him for the sake of love. And for that reason, I also know that I am not perfect, and I have
to continue to work on myself. And as long as we're committed to this marriage, and we're committed
		

			to the institution of marriage, then inshallah light will work.