Khalid Latif – First Steps Essentials of Islam #10
AI: Summary ©
The importance of reflection in learning about one's values and actions is emphasized, with a focus on the use of reflection as a fruitful exercise. The speakers emphasize the need for regular reflection in daily practices, including writing down prayers and taking breaks. It is emphasized that creating a habit of reflection is essential, and that finding ways to be comfortable with one's current practices is key to achieving comfort with one's values. A sister will also take her Shahada for a session.
AI: Summary ©
Okay. Should we get started?
So I thought what might be nice as
we've gone through now
2 thirds of Ramadan,
and I know for some of you, it's
your first Ramadan. For some, it's your first
Ramadan here.
For some,
you're still looking into
Islam and
trying to,
you know, think
out.
Take a couple of minutes. I know people
are gonna do each other. How's it been
so far?
What are some of the things
that have been
kinda
easy kinda wrestling with. For those whose it's
first time in the space,
before Ramadan,
we'd start with,
Islam 101 class that was focused on people
who were exploring Islam as a religion, new
Muslims, as well as people who were born
to Islam,
to be able to just kinda reconnect with
foundations
of the religion.
So we've been continuing it through the month
on Wednesdays here.
If you're looking for doctor Marwa's helika,
she's out this week and next week. Upstairs
where our main helicopter is, we're doing a
presentation,
with pillars of peace, which is a domestic
violence agency
that members of our community started a couple
years ago.
You're more than welcome, you know, if you
thought that was this to
go there, but you're also more than welcome
to stay here. Is that what you thought?
Yeah. Go ahead. Look at that. See? Yeah.
But if you wanna take a quick minute
and you wanna turn to the people
around you, ideally in pairs. Right? I know,
some of us know more than just a
couple of us, but just so everybody gets
a chance to talk. How's it been so
far? Right? And not to compel yourself to
say what you feel like you're supposed to
be saying, but just with a air of
vulnerability.
There's people in the room who it's their
first
experience with the Ramadan
ever.
And for some of us, we've had many
experiences with Ramadan. But to break
sometimes the monotony of it or sometimes the
intimidation, vulnerability is really important.
We can talk about both what's been helpful
as well as what's been a struggle.
What are the things that, you know, you've
taken away that have been a benefit?
What are the things that you didn't think
would have been so hard that might be
hard or, you know, what you're expecting of
the kind of rest of the month. We
take a couple of minutes just to talk
to each other about that, and then we'll
come back and discuss. Yep. Go ahead.
And Maya all take their shahada in the
same day.
And they're stuck
with all these people who have been Muslim
for longer than them. Even if they have
only been Muslim for a month or a
year, they've been Muslim for minutes.
They're saying, what do we do in these
last 10 nights?
I don't know a lot of Quran.
My family is not Muslim. I don't have
anybody to pray with.
I can't come in the middle of the
night to places where people don't even speak
the same language as I do.
So part of which you can do in
the midst of all of this
is in these nights, you can do some
reflection.
You can sit and you can contemplate on
things.
You can take from the blessing
of the gathering you experienced. Even if you're
alone or you're surrounded by people,
you can do something that most people don't
do throughout the course of their day which
is just take a pause and try to
think about whatever it is that your heart
is calling you to contemplate upon.
What is important to me?
Why?
There's a guy that I met today who
said he wants to take his Shahadah in
the next week,
and he's trying to figure out what certain
theologies
mean to him, and Islam resonates in certain
ways. He's very scientifically minded.
And I said empirical understandings
of things are not necessarily the only way
our religion makes sense
Because science can give you a good opportunity
of understanding
the how and the what, but doesn't answer
the question of why so much.
So somebody can explain to you how your
body works inwardly because explain like what is
going on there, but why?
Why are you made in the diversity that
you were made?
Why
is nature exist in the way that it
does?
Why does this thing of fasting yield this
thing of consciousness?
Why do I get angry by the things
I get angry by?
Why do I get agitated by the things
I get agitated by?
A moment of rest and reflection
is a big part of a spiritual tradition
within Islam.
And these mechanics, these rituals, these practices,
they don't really go to the depth of
what they could
if you don't take time outside of them
to be able to just engage
in that moment
of reflection. Does that make sense?
What I'd like you to do is just
take a few minutes now, turn to the
person next to you. What are you taking
away from this?
What are some of the things that it's
bringing up for you? How does it
play out in your life,
this concept of reflection, contemplation?
And then we'll come back in this. Go
ahead.
This isn't recording for most of it.
This wasn't recording for most of it. I
had to, like, play something.
Okay.
So
what are some of the things we're taking
away
from here? What are what are some of
the things you're discussing?
Yeah. Who wants to start?
And, Boogie?
Yeah. We kinda talked about how,
we're all kind of reflecting on the last
10 nights thinking about, like, Ramadan has been
so beautiful for us in various ways, like,
how to keep that energy going and incorporate
Islam in our lives and not just go
back to, like, the
hustle and bustle of life before.
Yeah. And next Wednesday when we meet, which
will be
on the last night of Ramadan,
we'll talk about some of that in more
detail. People
can bring their ideas and stuff. Right? But
it's not the idea isn't that Ramadan
is meant to be like an escape,
you know, but it's still just a part
of a broader journey. You can take lessons
from it. And this thing of deliberate reflection
is gonna be an important way of doing
that.
What else?
Yeah.
So
we were just talking about well, for me,
it's like I reverted, I guess, like,
22 to 2 Ramadan ago, and I feel
like
the past 3 years have been very heavy
about, like, what you're talking about about, like,
the practice, the mechanics,
kinda trying to do things the right way.
And I think that this Ramadan,
I feel like I've been having to understand
that my value system is actually changing. I
think you called in question because of
behaviors
or mistakes or choices I've made that
I feel like even something like 2 months
before long ago, I would have been able
to kind of just stuff away and really,
like,
not think about it, busy myself, lie to
myself, lie to
other people about it. And then, actually, during
this month, I call it that I feel,
like, open for me because of that reflection.
I'm like, oh,
it's not just about, you know,
learning to pray or these things. It's like,
what do you do with your, like, belief
system
And how does that feel for you as
you came into that realization?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry.
It's okay.
Hard
and,
like, shameful.
But, look, we're here for you. We're here
with you. You're our sister, and anything you
need, you let us know.
And
at any point in time, I can be
helpful. You wanna talk about anything. Let me
know. We can figure that out. Okay. Thank
you.
Sorry. Other thoughts?
Yeah. Okay.
Okay.
Amazing.
Anyone else?
How do you reflect?
How does one do that? If you had
to give practical steps.
Right? My 7 year old walked in a
year old and they said, father, how does
one reflect? What would we answer that? What
would the answer be?
Because reflection
is not the same as rumination.
Right? Reflection is also not self deprecation.
Right? Those are tools of shaitan.
Reflection is meant to be a spiritual exercise,
so it brings you to a place of
benefit. It's not meant to push you down.
Right? So how do you do that?
Yeah. I think in the most,
ambiguous,
terms, just asking yourself
what's working,
what's not working.
If you get a test, it's a mechanical
thing of, like, am I brained? Am I
not brained? Or it's like, if you're not
brained, it's like,
why am I what, like, why am I
unable to bring myself to do that? And,
yeah, I think just ask myself those 2
binary questions is where you can start. Okay.
So principally, like, one mode of reflection is
by asking questions, but then answering the questions.
Right? And they can be on anything.
You know?
Right? Like, how is the sunrise so beautiful?
Right?
What kind of god must it be that
can paint a sky in these colors?
What must,
tree in Jannah look like if a tree
out here with these pink flowers is so
exquisite?
Do do you get what I'm saying?
Right?
It's not and you don't wanna have a
negative cognitive bias that most people have
that your reflection is then just self deprecation.
It's not contemplation, it's rumination.
Right?
Rumination, like, if you were to look at
it etymologically in English,
it refers to kind of a process through
which, like, cows chew cud. Right? They're just
constantly if you ever seen a cow eat
something, it's just like moving his jaw again
and again and again and again. That's what
rumination is. I'm just wrestling with a thought
again and again and again. Right? We're talking
about something that is uplifting, not something that's
gonna break you down. Do you get what
I mean?
The how to's of that can be done
in practical ways. 1,
if you sit and I say, go be
still,
we did this with a class that I
teach
in
our public policy school and leadership just like
a few hours ago.
They were engaged in a meditation in the
class, it's a leadership class. And then after
the fact, like they sat now for a
longer period of time in just stillness.
And then we said, how was it? And
one of the kids said, it was so
hard for me to not reach for my
phone.
Right? And they were just being honest. Like
it was very difficult for me to not
reach for like a piece of technology, to
just be at peace with stillness. So what
happens
is that you don't reflect on a vacuum,
you have to reflect upon something.
Right? So what is the thing that you
are reflecting
on? And that could be like so many
different things
but those questions are a part of it.
What are like other how to's that go
into this?
And if you don't do this yourself, that's
fine, but you wanna just think within yourself,
like, it's okay. How do I come to
a place that it becomes a regular habit?
Just as people trickle
in,
this is like a Islam 101 session, but
you're more than welcome to stay, But people
are looking for the pillars
to
peace,
session that's upstairs on the 5th floor, and
that's where we also do Iftar.
So we're gonna move from here in, like,
10 minutes to go up there. But
no obligation to stay here if, you know,
you're looking for the other things. But feel
free to stay with us also. Right? So
the how to's, right, not theoretically.
Like if you do this as a regular
price, great. If you don't, just conjecture. What
would be necessary
for me to be able to? The same
way when we've talked about prayer at an
intro level, we talked about wudu and how
you do it. Right? Like, what do you
need to be able to reflect
peacefully?
Not in like an agitated way. Even if
the things that are coming up are agitating,
like what do you need that will create
that ambiance?
The story of the companion that I told
you, he goes home at the end of
the day before he's gonna go to rest
to go to sleep. And this is where
he creates a moment of reflection.
How do you create a moment of reflection
in a city that's as
kinda movement oriented as
New York City?
Yeah. Isolate oneself from all distractions?
Yeah. Isolate oneself from distractions. This is what
we talked about last week. We talked about
the seclusion in the mosque that is in
Ramadan, the et al gaf, the
purposeful spiritual retreat the prophet Muhammad would do,
peace and blessings be upon him. Right? It
wasn't about being away from people, it was
about being away from distractions.
You know what I mean? So I'm, like,
praying with friends of mine when I had
roommates before I got
married
and we were watching the NBA finals and
the time to pray came. And one of
my friends was like really into the game
and I was like, hey man we get
to pray. And he said, yeah you know
we do, you're right.
And he just muted the TV.
And the direction for prayer in my apartment
like, faces the TV.
And I was like, oh, like he's like
he's like, no, it's fine. And I'm like,
no, man. It's not it's definitely not fine.
Right?
But
this is why we have narrations in our
tradition that say, there's no prayer if a
meal is served. Doesn't mean you don't pray
in its time, but you're gonna be thinking
about the food, right? When these guys, our
volunteers are amazing here. You know, one of
the nights we were doing a pre Iftar
like discussion
and 45 minutes before
our fast was breaking, they gave people dates.
I was like, man, you're like torturing people.
You gave them a piece of food to
stare right in their hands that they can't
eat for another 45 minutes, and there's no
place for them to put it. It's a
date. What can you do with it? You
can put it in your pocket. Right? You're
not gonna put it on the ground. So,
you know, the distraction
is built in.
Do you get what I mean?
So how do you remove the distractions
so that the exercise is actually something that
can yield
what it can when the distractions are away?
Right?
Other
that I would recommend,
sometimes find a buddy to reflect with.
So I could sit down and we could
talk to each other and we're engaged in
an understanding.
We have a prophetic tradition that says that
you're mirrors to one another. Right? Your brothers
and sisters, you're mirrors to each other. Do
you know what I mean? That you can
reflect back and forth in a meaningful way
in that sense.
Writing things down is really great because the
state that we're in sometimes
has us remember the past through the state
that we're currently in.
And if I wrote something down today,
a month from now it creates for me
something that I can have a more truer
recognition of where I'm at. And if a
month from now, God forbid, my father's really
sick and I'm really disoriented,
I'm not gonna remember a month ago
the same way in that state as if
I had something actually concrete in front of
me that I could say, oh, this is
where I was. I have to be true
to it and honest to it and vulnerable
with it. Do you get what I mean?
This is why I also recommend writing down
your prayers like your duas
because you can also see it grow through
your duas reflectively
on both what you find valuable in your
life, but who you think God is through
the nature of what you're actually asking of
him.
Right?
And what's the trajectory there in terms of,
like, my starting points to later on in
life? And how does, like, agitation come in?
And when the world is heavy or people
are unkind or I'm not so kind to
myself? What am I making dua for in
those days versus on maybe I'm not even
making it because I feel like I'm not
deserving to make it. Right? It's all problematic
thoughts that jump in that reflection can be
a very key mechanism
of healing for it. Do you know what
I mean? Does that make sense?
Your overall wellness is gonna be really important
too.
And reflection can be a yield to be
able to understand that I'm not taking care
of myself. Right?
Outside of moments of defined ritual, you still
exist.
But all of it is just as simple
as
5 minutes a day,
maybe 10 minutes every week,
a few times. And what Ramadan is bringing
people towards
is break out of the kinda chaotic movement
and find some stillness.
And you're gonna find
like,
not
just millions. You're talking about
100 of mills of adult Muslims
in the next week
are going to be perpetually
drawn
to moments of reflection.
And if they just said this is what's
happening
then they wouldn't let go of that for
anything as a regular practice.
But the conscious awareness of it is what's
really important. Do you get what I mean?
Okay. I want us to take a pause
here.
People wanna head up
to the room upstairs on the 5th floor.
We're gonna be making Maghrib there. Our sunset
prayer, we're gonna also break fast there.
Some of the things you could do even
embedded in, like, your daily prayers is at
the end of it, you just sit. You
find stillness
and that's where you're reflecting. Right? We have
what's remembrances, litanies that we engage in as
Muslims.
And people will tell you at the end
of a prayer, for example, you're new to
Islam, they're gonna say sit down and say,
SubhanAllah,
glory be to God.
Praise God. Allahu Akbar. Proclaim God's greatness
but not tell you why.
Right? So it's not just you wrotely regurgitated
on the digits of your finger. You sit
down and you attach some meaning to it
in your reflection. Why am I glorifying God
today?
Why am I praising god? What's the kind
of reason for it?
Right? What are the things that I can
engage in just a few minutes built into
this process of prayer that the prayer itself
is not the moment to reflect? You can't
be praying, right? Bilal's leading us in prayer,
it's not the time to be like, hey.
I really wonder, like, you know,
why is this guy blue? Right?
You know? Like, does God really like me?
Do I really like God?
That guy's socks are really strange looking. He's
got a hole in his toe. Why is
he tickling me with his pinky? Like, that's
not the time to reflect.
The prayer is the mechanism
that helps resolve clutter inwardly
that creates the moment for reflection. You're laughing
really hard. Does that happen to you? Somebody
tickles your toes while you pray?
It's like all the time. Right? Like, man,
stop stop playing footsie with me while I'm
praying, bro. You know? But do you get
what I'm saying?
And creating paradigm shifts
that the ritual is actually yielding what it's
meant to, and then after the fact, you've
now centered yourself through this. You don't wanna
get up and run the food or get
up and wanna talk to somebody else. Use
that moment to talk to God. Use that
moment to recognize what's going on inwardly.
You you see what I mean?
Does that make sense?
Okay. So we're gonna pause here. People wanna
head up. That'd be great.
We will have this session at 6 next
Wednesday also.
And then I don't know if the week
after we'll move back to 7 or not,
but we'll announcement once Ramadan is done. But
we'll continue after. And once Ramadan is done,
we'll move into discussions on prayer. Right? Cause
we've talked about wudu, like our ritual washing.
Just still keep coming, you know, whether you're
still exploring Islam,
you've made
the decision to mashaAllah, convert,
you are still trying to figure out what
it means, you're born into it, you can
definitely come, but every Wednesday, we'll continue still
with this and kinda explore it in the
ways that we've been doing this rather than
me just throwing at you. Here's a list
of things to memorize for for us to
build a relationship with these things conceptually. Right?
These last 10 nights of Ramadan,
as you engage in prayer and listening to
the Quran and all of this, engage in
some moments of reflection. Just find some places
of stillness.
Right? Be in a place where you take
in the quiet food, you're comfortable with it,
you allow for yourself to just contemplate on
certain things. If things rise up that you
don't know what to do with, you don't
have to name them in that moment. You
can get to a place where you're back
at homeostasis
and then think about what did those feelings
mean to me. Right? You don't wanna be
drowning and then try to name something while
you're drowning.
But once you get back to a place
where you can breathe
then you think about it in a more
level state.
If we can in any way, I'm happy
to sit with you,
talk,
listen, whatever it is. Let me know.
We
give annuity to some of what we gained
from Ramadan, especially, like, if you're a convert.
You go from the space where it's Muslims
on steroids for a month and everybody's hanging
out together and then they all go back
to places and it's like, well, what happens
to me? I don't have Muslims in my
family.
Right? I don't have people that I can
go back in my home and pray with.
You know, it's not as easy as that.
And it's a necessary
conversation for all of us to understand as
a community. So we don't leave people hanging
after 30 minutes and then it's just kinda
left behind. Do you see what I mean?
Okay. So I'll do that.
There's a sister who's gonna take her Shahada
here.
Right?
Yeah. So if you wanna stick around for
that, feel free. I'm just gonna turn off
some of these things. You can also just
start heading up,
to get to the 5th floor for Maghrib
and getting situated there. But, if you wanna
stay, we'll do that, and I'll know we'll
head up and show you. Okay.