The Etiquette of Friends and Brothers
07-24-15
Hussain Kamani – Beginning Of Guidance 26
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of acknowledging one's actions and feelings when it comes to being mocked in argumentation and being a good friend. They emphasize the benefits of a flexible payment system for consumers, including the ability to pay in installments and avoid fraud. The conversation also touches on the challenges of acquiring and using credit cards, and the benefits of a flexible payment system.
AI: Summary ©
You're listening to the Calum Institute podcast series, beginning of guidance by Mr. Singh Kimani
To find out more information amongst the saints column course entitled the prophetic code, a study of prophetic manners and etiquette, visit Aleph institute.org, slash prophetic code.
Haman hamdu Lillah
Allahu Akbar Solomon Allah anybody from the de Mustapha Sosa nada so you do sudo Houghton Mifflin BIA why early Hill Ischia was Have you heard about?
So today we're starting from page 134, we're on the second to last chapter of the book. And for those of you who are kind of trying to figure out where we left off, so a month ago, before we took our break, we left off
we were in the last third of the book. And the last part of the book is discussing the different etiquettes. So we talked about the etiquette with Allah subhana wa, tada the etiquette of the teacher, that it came from the student, the etiquette for child, the parent. And then mom was added to Mahalia, while closing off the books. While closing off the book, he came down to the last chapter of how to deal with people who are not your relatives or people that are directly linked to you, other than the teacher, and your direct parent child relationship. So then he said that beyond your immediate relatives, people fall into three categories, either you don't know them, either you
do know them, whether they're your friends, so you call them the those who are unknown to you, those who are associates, which are going to be the last discussion. And the second discussion that we're going to do today are brothers and friends, people that are very close to you people that are in that inner circle of yours. So metal design is teaching us how to deal with them. We started off this last chapter, this particular chapter, we read the first paragraph before we left off, but we'll start from the beginning of the chapter again shall
know from the brothers and friends, brothers and friends.
Before entering into such a relationship, you must do two things, the first duty to check for the presence of the requisite qualities of companionship and friendship, for you should not take as a brother, one who is not fit for brotherhood. So the first thing that he is saying here is that when it comes to friendships, there are two there are two things that you need to look into. The first thing we need to look into is, is that person ready to be your friend is that person worthy to be your friend. And I give that analogy earlier on. It's like an employer who's looking for employees. So he doesn't let any person that walks through the door work for him very carefully, he selects
them looks for the characteristics, see if that person adds to the vision, if that person brings value, and then he selects the person or he says to them that I can't take you on, you know, you're a good person, but you're not fit to be a part of my adventure. So same thing here. When it comes to friendship, you need to choose your friends carefully. Now, when you do find your friend, which is going to be the second discussion that will hopefully have the opportunity to cover today is that once you do find a friend, then he mumbles it says you found a person who's worthy of being your friend. Now you need to reciprocate that with being a good person too. So what are things that you
need to give to your friend to make that friendship solid, that's going to be the last part of the of this particular section? Yes, the messenger will often allow
a person's religious life is only as good as that of his friend. So let each one of you consider well whom you'd be friends. So who you take as your friend, be very careful because that person will end up being the part of you. Yes, if you seek a companion to be your partner in learning, and your friend in the matters of your religious life and your own life, so religious overload, if you're looking for a friend to be a part of your religious life, or even your worldly life, you know, we spend eight hours a day at our work. So the people that are around us at work are actually as important. The friends who who are not a part of our work life, actually we meet them every now and
then we meet them maybe on a weekend, maybe every two weeks, maybe texting back and forth, but they're not actively a part of our life, like proper, but the friends that we have at work the people who are friends at school, these are the most important people, we have to choose them very carefully. Yes, look for five qualities in him. So he's saying now five qualities you need to search for a friend. Yes, one intellect. There is no good in friendship with a foolish person. Four such friendship will only end in estrangement and breaking off relations. This person may even harm you while intending to bring you benefit. For the intention intelligent enemy is sometimes better than a
foolish friend. So hearing what he says the first thing you need to make sure is that your friend isn't a fool. He's not someone who's not there someone who's like foolish, because if you have a friend who's foolish, that even if he's trying to benefit you, he'll find a way to end up harming you. And we all have stories of this. Or we had a friend who was trying their best to benefit. You know, my teachers to say sometimes a person tries to do a person tries to do him a favor means service, but at the cost at the effort of figma because that person doesn't know what they're doing. They don't know how to do they end up causing drama, that means difficulty. So through his email,
you end up causing drama through a service which is supposed to help the person you end up harming or bringing difficulty upon that person. Yes. So then he brings this he brings a statement here it says foreign intelligence enemy is sometimes better than a foolish friend. And intelligent enemy is sometimes better than a foolish friend. Why is that? The reason is because you have an enemy. Do you expect good from your enemy?
know the person, your enemy you don't expect them to get from them. If your enemy does bring good to you, it was consciously done, you know, it wasn't done unconsciously. And if it brings harm to you, you know, it was unconsciously that's what's expected them. But a friend, you only expect good of them, you don't expect harm from them. So the person you expect good from because of their foolishness, they may not end up delivering good to you, they may end up bringing a lot of harm to you. So that's why he's saying sometimes an intelligent enemy could be beneficial from a foolish friend, because he serves his purpose being your enemy, he knows how to do it, this person doesn't
serve His purpose. He's supposed to be your friend. And he's not doing that properly. Yes.
He's getting away with your loved one. Many in this book, he hasn't quoted much poetry throughout the book. But from here until and for the next two weeks, in this particular class, and next class as well, we will see that even because it starts quoting some poetry. And he quotes it does a lot one very regularly in these next few pages. And it's because otherwise your loved one was known for being a poet. You know, his words of wisdom are no secret to any person. And he acts there's actually a book, attribute or two I do do a lot when some scholars debate whether the poems in there are actually his, and many scholars who say they do belong to Him. The name of the book is the one
of the poems of Oliver the last one. So he quotes him in here, some very beautiful poems. Yes,
quote, do not be friend and ignorant person, like both you and him, beware, for how many agreements has brought to ruin a gentle forbearing man when he prevented him. So an ignorant person can sometimes bring a gentle person to ruin. So you're saying Be careful, yes, a person is measured by the company, he keeps, like one pair of shoes placed next to another. So when you have shoes next to each other, you can't say Oh, the right one looks beautiful, but the left one doesn't. You can't say that because they're both together. So each one reflects the other, they have to match each other, they have to be right in sync. Yes, everything is evaluated by comparison to its peer, a heart will
reflect the reality of the heartbeat each company with a heart will reflect the reality of the heart, it keeps company with very powerful statement, a heart will reflect the reality of the heart It keeps company with. So the people you stick you keep company with at some point, your heart will reflect their heart and their heart will reflect your heart. And if you're with a friend who isn't a is a foolish person, or someone who's not of the standard of keeping as a friend, then you may have a fear or it's very possible that your heart may end up reflecting theirs. And we've seen this before. And this is William, I was always wanting to stuff yes, I can call you a friend, good
character. Do not be friends with the person a bad character. That is someone who cannot restrain his anger or control his desire, someone who can't control themselves, someone who has bad character, let's just use hearing mumbles it brings two things anger and control their desire. But let's just use a broad term good character, someone who doesn't have good character, you are going to end up learning from there. You know, many times we see that our kids come home and they're using bad language. And it's because their friends are using bad language. You know, you have a person who's throwing a fit, they're getting very angry. It's because that's the people they sit with. So
the people that you sit with their character is also going to rub off on you.
May Allah have mercy on him, summarize the traits of good character in the console he gave to his son when he was near to that. So I'm on authority, his son was next to him. And when he was passing away, he gave his son some very beautiful advice. And any father, the advice they need to give to their son is to keep good company. Because if your friend has good friends, if your child has good friends, then at times those good friends can be a crutch for you in your parenting, they can take the support, they can lift, they can loosen that burden. But if your child doesn't have a good friend, if they have bad friends, then the responsibility of parenting becomes that much more
difficult. It becomes very, very, very difficult. That's why they say that the scholars they mentioned that as a parent, if you want your parenting to be easy, make the model Allah that Allah blesses your child with good friends. Because if you slip, they'll make up for it. But if you want your parents to be difficult to leave it to that if they find the wrong friends, every time they teach them something bad, you're gonna have to come back and fix it up.
This is advice that he gives to a son, or my son, if you wish to befriend someone. Take is your friend, a person who if you serve Him, protects and preserves you. If you spend time with him beautifies you by his company, the more time you spend with your friend, the more beautiful of a person you become. And if you are in financial need provides for you these days are gone though.
If you are in financial deeds your friend provides for you This is college kids go out to buy pizza, you owe me five bucks. Those days are providing for you are long gone. But remember Rosati lived at a time where people were people and the money wasn't the most valuable thing. Another thing was that friends knew not to abuse each other. So there was like there was a common understanding. You know, people have lost trust because those who are interested didn't fulfill the trust. I mean, it's a two way street, right? You don't fulfill people are going to lose trust, and that's where we're going to be yes. So you guys, your friend, one who if you extend your hand toward something good, assists you
in it. Your friend should be someone if you advanced or something good. He paves the pathway for you. If he sees you doing something good appreciates, and remembers it
But if he sees you doing something bad stops you from doing it, if he sees that you're going down the wrong path, making a mistake, he won't stay silent about it, he'll come and tell you that this is something you're doing wrong, it needs to be addressed. Yes, he is your friend, one who when you say something believes you, this is very common, unfortunately, you know, guys are together or girls are together in there. Because you as a friend will have an insight to your friend's life. And if you see your friend is ruining their life, ruining their marriage, you should do something about that you should tell them to fix it. What ends up happening, guys, I don't want to get involved, let
him do whatever he wants to. And you're seeing the side of that person that's destroying their marriage, because they're talking about inappropriate things, seeing inappropriate things. They're meeting inappropriate people in an appropriate way. They're meeting people, and you see that person destroying their marriage. As a friend, it's very important for you to come and deal with it. You know, the past few weeks, I've come to this conviction that unfortunately, we live at a time where people do not have value for marriage. You know, the way divorce is just being thrown around. It's silly. I mean, the cases of divorces being given through text message artists increasing by the day,
can you imagine how foolish and how immature you have to be to give a divorce to someone who you love someone who you're married someone who give their life to you, and you give the life to them? You're divorcing them through one
through text is that I mean, I don't even understand how that happens. And that was like that. For me. That was something that really bothered me. Then this particular this last week, I was dealing with a case where a brother told me that Schiff my wife and I were having a conflict. He video recording himself giving his wife divorce.
And he sent the video to her. That is your divorce. Then this week again, I saw another another another issue this week on social media, a brother sent me a question that he wanted to divorce his wife so he went on our Facebook wall brought Divorce, Divorce, Divorce, and then he tagged her.
I mean, that's so horrible. That's so low. Such for those of you who understand social media, that's the most disrespectful thing that you can do. Allah subhanaw taala says no Quran. In Sakhalin, the mayor of the city hasn't lived together properly. And if you can't live together properly, make sure you go your own ways on good terms. You know, where you're both going your own ways pleasing Allah subhana wa, Tada. You know, there may be conflict, but there's no need to have any animosity there hatred there. So these are the things that the mind was always addressing here. Yes, continues when you attempt something except your leadership. And if you should dispute about something, a friend is
someone who accepts your leadership, he doesn't always put you down and wants to lead the pathway himself. Yes. And if you should dispute about something prefers you to himself.
Where do you find friends like this where they have a difference of opinion? And a friend says no, we'll go your own way, not my way. You know, we'll let's take what you want to do. These days. Everyone wants to do what they want self centered.
forum form. Verily, your true brother is He who is really with it says in a hawk, I'll have dominicana Mark O'Meara nafsa, who Lee and fat woman either Ibiza man is a doc shatta, Hisham La Jolla, Mark G. Which means verily, your true brother is He who is who is really with you, who will harm himself in order to benefit you, and who when the troubles of the time break, you will shed on himself to pieces in order to gather you together when the troubles of the time break you such a real statement, because everyone in their life has a time where they're broken. You know, it could be a financial breakdown, it could be a family breakdown, it could be anything, someone you know,
you're really just underneath and you're broken, you don't know what to do. And then your friend comes and he breaks himself together, you're together. He gives you this time he gives you his house gives you his wealth, whatever it is that he can give you. And that person goes above and beyond. And sometimes you wonder to yourself that What have you done? What good deed Have you done that Allah sent someone to you? Who cares so much for you? So this is what he's saying is someone who rakes themselves to make you proper? Yes. Third characters that were creative, upright, uprightness, do not be afraid to work a wrongdoer who persist in committing a major transgression because someone
who fears a lot would not persist in committing major transgressions. As for someone who does not fear a lot Most High, you cannot be safe from his danger. Indeed, such a person changes as his objectives change. A lot of mighty and majestic said to his prophet, someone who doesn't fear Allah is not living for themselves. If someone fears a lot, loves a lot, they're living for the sake of Allah, which means that the commandments of Allah will always remain and that person will have consistency and their conduct. But if they're living for themselves, then every time they change every time their needs change, their relationship with you is also going to change. That's what he's
saying here. A lot of mighty and majestic said to as profit so allow our leaders do not have to be someone whose heart We have made heedless of our remembrance, who follows his inclinations, whose case has gotten beyond all bounds. So you must be wary of friendship with a wrongdoer for witnessing wrongdoers and their transgressions on a regular basis. were removed from your heart often have their enormity and make them seem insignificant. So Hannah loves such a real statement here. He says when you sit with friends, and you see them constantly committing a sin, that sin
The greatness of that sin will leave your heart and it will become easy for you to do as well. So for example, if you're meeting someone who constantly is interacting inappropriately, or making physical contact could be a hug could be a kiss, you're not. So in the in the work environment, these things are considered normal. Unfortunately, we live at a time where a small hug or a small kiss on the cheek is normal. Now he's sitting with these people all day, you don't realize it, but things that you would have never thought you would ever do in your life. Now you're doing them too. Are you guys following what I'm saying? Because you're sitting with someone who's who's doing this.
And as you see it happen again, and again. And again, something that you thought would be beyond imagination becomes very easy for you to do. And I always give the example of this. I remember when we were growing up, homosexuality was something that was unheard of. If you mentioned anything about homosexuality in a gathering, people would say, What are you doing? You know, there was no thought of any exception of it. But today in the Muslim community, when you're being this issue of people say you're being anti semitic. How could you say that, you know, it's important that you respect everyone's everyone's beliefs. Now, if someone has been tested with this particular, this particular
inclination, that's okay. I mean, it's okay in the sense that that's their struggle in life, they have to get through it. People have different struggles in life. For some people, it's a drug addiction for some people, it's there Well, for some people, it's their, it's their desires. That's their challenge. We're not saying it's okay to do but you can work with it will work with you to make you a better person inshallah, but what's happening today is that because of this overexposure of homosexuality, you know, you know, athletes are coming out with this, you know, pop stars are coming out with this. You have people, you know, who we would consider to be the leaders of the
community are coming out with it. And because so many people are not talking about it, it's not become something normal, that sort of, you know, sexuality is considered to be absolutely normal. So things that you would think were impossible. Now they become normal. Yes.
This is why the crime of backbiting has become acceptable to people's hearts and is taken lightly. If people want to see a gold ring or silver silk garments being worn by a religious jurist, they will strongly disapprove of it. Yet backbiting is a much more serious offense in this right here, because it just laid the SmackDown for the man because it just said right now he just killed it. He said, Okay. backbiting is very common. Okay? So it's such a great sin, the purpose of alarm audio system, setting one narration, backbiting is worse than committing.
Zina to a shadowman isn't a very common narration. It's worse than committing Zina Merson committing adultery, backbiting that is okay. But we live in a time where people backbite so regularly that when you tell them, it's worse, the zinna they're trying to say what, you know, such a bad sin, but we do it so regularly, we don't, we don't feel the weight of the sin. Now, remember that he gives an example here. He says that you watch TV at home all day. You watch movies at home all day, you look around on your TV all day. But you see a close TV hanging in the living room while he said she has TV.
You guys understand that? This is what he's saying it's in the back of my head all day. But if you see a chef wearing a silver or a silk garment, or a golden bangle, you'll jump on and look with the chest and look at the shift string. The reason is because he gets the logic behind that is that you're not used to seeing that person doing anything wrong. And because you're not used to seeing that person do anything wrong. As soon as they do something wrong, you jump on them. But you do much worse than that, or your friends do much worse than that even don't jump on them. The reason is because you're so used to seeing them do that. So it's easier for you to observe such a thing. Does
that make sense to you? It's kind of like your friends use bad language. And then one day your brother uses bad language like what would you slap your brother? Why would you say such a word, but your friends use it all day, and you won't say anything to them. So it's a double standard and hypocrisy build up. That's what he's talking about here. Not having a friend who isn't righteous. This is the outcome of it. Yes. Or the quality of a friend. Absence of read. Do not be friendly person who is ready for this
world. So you have a friend who's greedy, that can really take you down another pathway of life. Someone whose entire day and night is just focused on money, money, money, it's the car it's the house, you know, there are some people they can't see anything beyond the they can't see anything beyond money. I remember once reading a statement something it was something like you're so poor, that the only thing you have is wealth, something something similar to those words, which means that a person views wealth and the world to be everything and because they're lost in this in this in this really desires really a dream of theirs. They end up dragging you down that as well and then
you miss out on the other things in life. Yes.
friendship with someone who is greedy for this world is a lethal poison. for human nature is designed to imitate and follow by example, indeed, one person's nature may take from another without even realizing it. So keeping company with one who is fervently attached to this world increases your own need for it. While being with someone who has renounced this world will encourage your own renunciation of it.
Fifth quality of a friend honesty Do not be friend a liar for you will always face deception from him. He is like a mirage. He makes what is far seem near to you and what is near seem far. What a dangerous person. What's impossible for you. He'll tell you it's possible like meaning not enough, not enough.
way, but the lies, you know, something that's not going to happen. He's saying that it's going to happen. And what's it what what's the bad of that, that you end up wasting so much time knowing cuz he knew it wasn't going to happen but he wasted your time wasted days and years of your life trying to make you pursue that, right when that thing was never going to happen for you that door was always closed. Like the example of this is that there is a for example, there's a, I'm just throwing this on the on the fly, okay, there's a guy who's interested in marrying a particular girl. Now that girl isn't for him. This friend of his knows that this girl has this background. And this is their
whatever the reason is, it's just not going to work. But he tells his friend now why don't you go ahead? Why don't you look after it. And he knows this is never going to work for it could be whatever reason you want to choose. So this person spends months trying to get to this person, when his friend knows that this person is not a good fit period. And then at the end, either this person finds out naturally, or his friend comes and tells him. So the idea behind this idea because it is saying that something that's far for you, he makes it seem near and something that's very near, he makes it far. So there's something that's good there, you know, you should take this job. But your
friend says to you, no, no, don't take it, it's not good for you. So what's good for you. He's making it seem a distance. So therefore I'm, I'm glad he's saying you're going to spend your life with this person in deception.
You may not find all these five qualities.
You may not find all these five qualities existing together in those who are ready to
believe that they're sisters that maybe you can turn the microphone up that way.
Yeah.
You may not find all these five qualities existing together in those who are residents in the religious colleges, or those or those present in spiritual gatherings or mosques. So not hearing Mongols it is saying that a good place for how can you fix this?
There we go. That's good. I think it's good. Okay. So here, it is saying that a good place for you to search for friends. He gives you a solution. Now, you know, people talk about what not to do. They keep talking about what not to do, what not to do, what not to do. And then at the end of it, you say now what Simon was only here, he talked about what not to do? And what kind of friends to adopt. Now he leaves you with some config system is accurate.
Okay, then maybe when you're really good, turn it back on or something?
Okay, that's better. So when you're reading, you can turn it on.
Okay, so was it until it is saying that,
along with telling you all the characteristics, you need to find an a friend, now he gives you a solution? The solution is, if you're looking for a good friend, let me tell you where you will find people with all these characteristics. Where can you find them? He says fiso can in modality, go into the mother says go into the Islamic institutes, that people that you'll find there, they'll meet all these characteristics. There'll be intellectual people, there'll be pious people, these people will be truthful. And they won't have any desire for worldly things and all the other things that he mentioned, because you'll find these people sitting there. And then it says also that one
majority see one, one majority see one massage Ed, and also go to the gatherings of these learned people and also go to the massage of the mosques. When you go there, you'll find people. And this is where you find good friends you go to the MSA is you know, the gatherings of pious people, people who are like minded trying to become better people, you find a good friends or you go to a holiday party, you'll find like minded people there, you go to the massages, you go to the Islamic institutes. He's saying this is where you go to search for your friends. And it says like, I always give that analogy to business. If you're looking for someone to work corporate, the best place won't
be for you to go leave your resume, go look, go leave your work.
advertisement in like a burger joint. You know, because the people that come they're not necessarily good people don't go there. But I'm just trying to make a statement here. The people the type of people that go there may not be the type of client you're looking for you to put your advertisement in the right place so you can get the right people coming to you. It's all about that channeling your your efforts in the right direction. Say Manzanita saying that if you're looking for this friend, maybe in the in the market, you won't find this friend in the market because a lot of these things don't exist in businessman. Some some businessmen do have them. And there's great reward for
them the proxy, lots of them, praise them greatly. But on the greater side, the market is usually a place that is disliked by a loss of profit set up a level of ability and allow him a set of other ability to live as well. The most detested places to alarm the face of this earth are the markets because everyone's in there for themselves. People are very distracted. They're not thinking of Allah subhanaw taala after wealth and wealth is something that corrupts people. So remember, was it he's saying that when you're looking for good friends, go to the right place, don't go to the wrong place. If you go to the wrong place, you'll end up getting the wrong type of friends. Yes. If you
find friends on, if you look for friends, for example, on the basketball court, it's possible that you may find a good friend there. But the chances are the people that come to a basketball court what's common that brings them their basketball right so you'll find friends who are good at basketball that's very possible
But for you to find someone who meets all these characteristics there, it's like, you know, one in one or maybe one in 101 and 1000, maybe you might get lucky if you find someone there. Similarly, if you're trying to go to, if while you're playing video games, looking for friends, they're online, or whatever it is on Facebook, there's a chance you may find them. But there's also a great possibility that you will not find someone who's similar similar in the way you think and the type of person you're looking for. Yes. So you have one of two choices, either offer isolation and solitude, in which you will find peace and safety, or keep you interaction with your friends proportionate to the
level of these qualities within them. Okay, now, remember that he says, there are two options you have, if you can find someone with these characteristics, all five characteristics, what do you do? Okay? He says, first thing is to be alone, that's one option, don't have any friends. And that case, he says, at least you're safe. You know, spend time with your family, spend time in your in your budget and be out of it. Or if you find someone who doesn't have all of these characteristics, they have a few of them, and then spend time with them according to how much good they can offer you. You guys understand that. So don't give your full time to them. Maybe because they have three or four
good characteristics. You stick with them to benefit from those characteristics. When you find the bad characteristics manifesting himself, you go your own way and you split off, gee.
This is accomplished by realizing there are three types. Because it says there are three types of friends you can have a brother for the sake of you're here after, see from him only support in religious practices, you have a friend who only offers you good for the hereafter. So for example, you have a friend who's a scholar and a man, but the scholar any mom only knows the dean and nothing else. You may find someone like that, okay, someone who's very good at, for example, doing Vicar and doing I bother. But when it comes to, for example, being intelligent, and things other than that, they're not smart. It happens you know, you have someone who's smart in business, but isn't smart.
And religion, you may find someone smarter than religion, but isn't smarter other than that. So he's saying if you find someone who's who's your purpose of relationship with them is to stick to them with them with a matter of that data. And then other than that, leave it
a brother for the sake of your worldly life. See from him, nothing beyond good character, you're looking for our friend, who is you're looking for sorry.
You're looking for a friend who's going to help you in the worldly life, maybe someone who's at your work, maybe someone who's a, who's a classmate, someone who's going to be a part of your study, circle, someone who can help you in the worldly things.
He says, Now look for him, make sure he has good character. Because in the worldly matters, if he doesn't have good character, he's going to tarnish you, whether it's for your sports, or whatever it is, if you have a worldly gathering, something that isn't related to the author, then make sure the person who's sitting with has good character, if they don't have good character, go your own way. Because remember one thing, if your friends don't have good character, they'll end up dishonouring you and disrespecting you in front of people and also alone. And every person has the right to maintain their honor, whether they're with people, whether they're alone, yes. And finally, a
brother who is simply agreeable company, seek from him nothing beyond being saved from his wickedness and evil. So now there's a third person who's just like, he's just kind of with you, maybe you guys are on a bus ride together going somewhere, and you made friends are sitting next to each other. He's just stay with him. As long as he doesn't give you any evil. The second he gives you evil, you go your own way. Otherwise, you can look for all five characteristics with every time every person you speak with, maybe you're standing at a coffee shop somewhere, someone sit down in front of you or you at the airport, the person next to you on the plane, you know, just talk with
them as long as they give you good but as soon as they become evil or offensive with you, they become harsh on you. And that's where you walk away. There are three kinds of people. The first group is like nourishment, one cannot exist without it. There's a person who was like nourishment, their friends were like nourishment, you. You can't live without them, you have to have them in your life, they're so important for you. The second is like medicine, one needs it from time to time.
The third is like an illness.
It is never needed at all you have to serve in may be afflicted buddies, bad friends, you never need them. But the truth is that you may be afflicted with a bad friend, everyone in their life can remember a time where they had someone in their life, who wasn't the best person who wasn't the best influence. How do you deal with this person? Yes. Such people provide either benefit or agreeable company, one must simply be diplomatic with them until one is relieved of them. Nevertheless, observing such a person may bring great benefit if Allah gives you the ability to see he's saying, however, having a friend who isn't a good person could still benefit you. How can it benefit you?
Now he addresses that? Yes, you see it in his vices and low states when you find repugnant, and you and so you avoid these things somehow, because it says if you have a friend who doesn't have good characteristics, be diplomatic, keep yourself at bay, but at the same time, you can still benefit by observing his wrongs, things that bother you and stay away from those things. So now that person becomes a teacher for you, too. Every time you see them do something that's, that's that bothers you, that makes you upset. Now that that's a cue for you. If he's doing something that upsets me if I do the same thing, it's gonna upset someone else. So let me stay away.
That action. Yes, indeed the collision is one is, is he who takes a warning from others. And the believer is the mirror of his fellow believer, you know, beautiful example of this is when you meet someone who, for example, may have an a smell coming out of their mouth, okay, you meet someone who has a smell coming out of their mouth, it reminds you right away that if that person's got a smell coming out of their mouth, there's a possibility that
I may have it as well. Now, there's one a person who may who may notice someone else has a smell coming out of their mouth and say, You yucky Go wash your mouth. And that's where it ends. And other person can take that cue and say, Well, if that person had a smell coming out of their mouth, and it's so bothersome, that it's possible that I may have a similar smell, let me go wash my mouth up. So at the end of this, that person's bad smell coming out of their mouth was a lesson for him. And in the first scenario, it wasn't any benefit at all. You see, for example, someone's playing basketball in a particular way, or playing a sport in a particular way, and they're making some
mistake, you can sit there and laugh at them say he keeps making this mistake. Or maybe you could ask yourself, do I make a similar mistake? Or something of this nature? So this is what he meant? Was it saying here?
It was said to Jesus made a lot of blessings and peace on him and on our Prophet, who would find your character someone asked you, sadly. So now, how does your character become so good? So what did they say? He said, I'm saying, he answered no more refined my character. I rather saw the poor behavior of the ignorant one, and I avoided it. I saw people with bad character, and I said, Yeah, I'm never gonna do that. That's how my character became so good. Indeed, he made a loss and blessings and peace on you know, just to point one thing out, that's why helping other people in being with them can also be a big help. Why is that if you're helping someone that's having a
difficulty, you then get an opportunity to see
what their challenge is. And you can try to avoid that from inflicting it on yourself. So for example, you're helping someone with marriages, or you're helping someone with whatever financial issue, when you see they made these mistakes, it's your opportunity now to stay away from making that same mistake. You got you guys understand, I'm saying, otherwise, you're gonna make the same mistake. If that person making the mistake, you stay away from it, and it'll help you. He may have lots of blessings. And he's there was a great scholar from the subcontinent. Chef, a chef retired early, he used to say, when I, when I see that I'm lacking in something, any carrier anything that I
need to develop in myself, I'm lacking it, I get up and give electronic. Why is that? Because while I'm giving a lecture, I, first of all, I tell myself that I am most in need of this advice. I'm the one who is in most in need of what I'm telling people. And then people come to me with issues on that particular problem. And I see all the different challenges that are related to that particular issue. You guys following me here. So I can give a lecture for example, on the importance of
doing Hutch, now after I give that lecture, people in the crowd are going to come and say this is my challenge. This is why I can't do Hi, this is my problem touch I did this, but this was the mistake I made so now that I have all this experience from all these people that teaches me These are things I need to
avoid and stay away from Yes, indeed, he made a loss and blessings and peace on him in our profits book the truth. For people are avoiding themselves what they find reprehensible and others, their characters will be refined without any need a guide.
next section. So the first the first thing we learned in this in this this section was Mangala he said when you're looking for good friends, there are two sides of the story. Find someone good. If you do find someone good. What's the other thing that we should not consider? How to be that good friend, Simon, because that is going to discuss how can you be the good friend Yes. next section, the second duty to respect and fulfill the rights of companionship. Once you enter into a relationship and friendship is established between you and your companion, you are responsible for fulfilling the duties. Now while they're reading this, this discussion here on friendship, I want
you guys to at least for those of you who are married and sitting in this gathering, I want you to think of who is one of the greatest companions in your life.
Your spouse, right? Would you agree? Your spouse is one of the greatest companions? So while we're talking about all these things that we should offer to our friends, we should ask ourselves, do we offer these things to our family, our kids or our companions, our parents or our companions? Do we offer them the services that we're going to discuss? Yes, you are responsible for fulfilling the duties demanded by their bond of friendship and fulfilling them there are certain rules of conduct. The Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the likeness of two brothers is that of two hands, one washes the other.
He's done once entered a big grove of trees and picked up to two sticks. One bent the other St. With him was one of his companions and the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So these two six to six English translation of miswak. So the Prophet pick of two miswak. One was bent, one was straight, and there was another companion there the Prophet was going to share. That's another thing that people are with you and you have something Don't be don't keep it to yourself, you should share with people. So the Prophet which one does he give his companion, the straight one or the bad one?
I mean, we all know the Prophet, obviously he gave him the straight one. Ask yourself which one would you give? You have you just bought like he just bought something
And you bought two phones one has a little dent in there, and the other one doesn't. Which one would you give to your friend?
We all know and one brother said it he had a heart set. Everyone else says that God want to say it. The one of the dead, there's no, there's no second, I'm sure there would be someone gave the other person the other as a sign of very high demand. That's a very high demand right there. You have a house that you're looking at. And you see this one is faulty, and this one is good. And you keep the faulty one for yourself and give the good one to your friend. Can you even imagine that? I can't, I can't even imagine doing that myself that I would give someone a good house and keep for myself a faulty house. But this is the level of demand these people have Parkinson's. He manifests this in a
small example with a toothpick but not with a toothpick, the tooth stick miswak where he gave his companion the street one yes, the province of the streets with him keeping the bedroom for himself. The companion said that the companion somehow to look at the Sahaba. Now let's say for example, let's say for example, okay, there are two houses on the market. And I see this one guy, but you keep the good one and I'll keep the bad one. What is that guy gonna do?
Do shift.
Take the house run away. What does this have to do though windows up on the profit given the street to think of the bedroom for himself? Whether that's a hobby say, peace out? He sort of s&m Allah, you're more deserving of the straight one. Give me the bent one. Like I was telling you now Good, good relations and good trust is a two way street. It's not this one way. It's true. It's you know, they were offering because other people they were also in return offering back. Yes. Your companion said O Messenger of Allah, you are more deserving of the st stick than I. So he said that our use of them said, no one spends time in the company of a friend even for a short time in the day without
being questioned later about his companionship regarding whether he fulfilled the right of a law most highlighted or he neglect neglected to do so introduce every time if you're with a friend, I was gonna ask you whether you fulfill the rights of being a friend. Yes, the Messenger of a loss of an argument. And I'm also said, don't do friends share each other's company except that the Kinder and more caring of the two
of the two toward the other is more beloved to Allah, mighty and majestic. Whenever two friends meet, whoever is nicer, whoever is kinder, whoever is more giving to the other, that person becomes more beloved to Allah subhanaw taala out of the two friends, yes, we have a small little paragraph left. We'll just read this. And we'll end that the acquaintances at the bottom of the page. This next section, the etiquette of friendship he advocated for so now we were talking about how should you be the good friend, right now he was just talking about the importance of being that good friend. Now he didn't give us actual advice on how to be the good friend. You know, one of my
favorite paragraphs in this book is this one right here. This is one of my favorite paragraphs in the book because he mumbles it tells us how to be that good person. And I honestly tell myself that this particular paragraph here, you can take it to any person in the world that you have a connection with, and you can drop this right there. And that'll make you a better person that instantly it'll just enhance your relationship instantly. So let's read this pay attention G, the indicator of friendship, the advocate of friendship are to give you a free preference in your wealth, or if you cannot do this to give freely out of your surplus wealth when he is in need to
provide swift assistance when he is in need in person and without his having to request it without him You haven't given request it before your friend even says he needs help show up at his door. I'm bizarrely saying that's what you call being a good friend, to keeping secrets to conceal his faults. You know, I had the surgery last month you guys are most of you are aware of that. And I've handed up the insurance covered it and it wasn't really an issue. But there were people in the community who reached out to me said look disarm, you know if there's any financial need you let me know. And the truth is that I didn't have any financial need. But the fact that these people came forward
across the country, saying that if you have any financial needs, he reminded me of the statement of remembers it remembers it says that you go to that person without them even having to even request a need. And you say to them that anything that I can do, make sure you let me know G
equals criticism of him that would upset him. So if someone criticizes your friend, don't pass it on to them. Give give him the friend the criticism that they need. Maybe remove the harsh words, remove the extra, you know the cushion that they gave this, give them what they can hear what they could bear, what will be beneficial for them. But don't repeat word for word. We do this a lot. So you know, the other guy the other day, we were at a dinner. And that person said that you're this you're that you're this, you're that? And they said that you think you're cool. And they said that you used to Magellan your hair and whatever the case is right? Now when you see all this stuff that guy's
like that punk he's in trouble. So mine was obvious saying don't tell everyone. Don't tell your friends. Everything everyone said about them. And like I said, Guys, I'm sorry. I'm gonna bring them back to the marriage example that I gave earlier. Between your mother in law between your mother and your wife, do you need to tell your wife everything your mother said about her?
Do you need to tell your mother everything your wife said about her? Yes or no. Mom doesn't even give marriage counseling right here. Honestly, this is such a powerful paragraph. It's one that you need to read and close your eyes and think about every statement he's teaching you. If you don't pass on every word, you'll find yourself to be such a happy person to pass
on people's praise of him they were pleasing. Every time someone praises your wife, what do you do?
You know, we were at the party and the you know, my mother said that, Mashallah, you're looking very beautiful in that dress. Now, how is that gonna make her feel
cloud nine, when you go to your friend, and so you know, the other day we were at a rally. But again, when you're praising someone, remember one thing with friends, you praise them when praise, but when they're praised when they're deserving of that praise, but never conveyed to them exaggeration, because exaggeration is poison for the eagle. If someone said that you're the smartest person in the world, and you know your buddy isn't the smartest person in the world, don't go and tell them that the smartest person in the world, because if you tell them that, that becomes poison for their ego. And the more you feed that ego, the more you build arrogance in them, so you're not
contributing to that person becoming an evil person
to pay full attention to when he speaks.
Yeah, to pick apart his work, it's painful attention when he speaks to not be on Facebook and Twitter when your wife's talking to you. Okay, or the other way around, give attention to your spouse when they're speaking, or be on a call when they're trying to talk to you. And then bringing it back to the marriage example or whatever. You can take it wherever you want to. Okay, yes. Not to pick apart his words in argumentation. People do this all the time. You know, you'll see friends were taking out grammar mistakes from their friends. And then you're not you're not an English teacher, they never took you on as an English teacher. your intentions aren't good. And if your
intentions were good, when you would take off that grammar mistake, you wouldn't lol laughter it the fact that you're laughing after you take out that mistake? What does it mean?
You're mocking them? And should you be mocking your friend and making them feel bad or dropping their ego even further? Not at all. So he's saying Don't be nitpicky in their words and their sentences emphasize he actually says this. It's so phenomenal. He's bringing out some real issues that we have, we go and find. And by the way, when did you mind was it live? 1000 years ago, people were doing this 1000 years ago, and they still are doing it today. Yes.
To call him by the names he likes most, to praise him for what you know, of his praiseworthy traits. So thank him for the papers he does for you, to defend him in his absence from all infringement upon his honor, as he would defend yourself, to give him advice with gentleness and by subtle hands if he needs it, to pardon his lips and ears, and not to censure him to pray for him in the ritual prayer during his life. And after his death, a good friend, you make dua for them with their name insula, not only when they're alive, but even after they, even after their life, even after they die, you make dua for them. And not only them, Yes, go ahead, to remain loyal to his family and relatives
after his death, even when he's alive. And after his death. Everyone his family and his friends now become like your family and like your friends, too. We saw this in the purpose of a lot while he was settlement. So these are the lohana after Khadija passed away to the Prophet start making the offer, yes or no? Not at all. He continued making the offer he's making the offer. And not only her, but he would also send gifts and show actions of kindness to her relatives and friends. You know, it went beyond that someone said to time correct. Normally, I'm gonna do a lot one that a person lost his father, he said, How can I do good to my father after my father passed away. So he said to him, the
way you do good to your your father after he passed away, is by doing good to your father's friends on fire father's friends, and be good to them. And that'll be as if you're being good to your father.
To choose to make things easy for him by not burdening him with any of your own needs, so as to keep his heart free from your concerns, to express joy and all the heavy occasions in his life and sadness at all calamities that afflict him to be in your innermost heart just as you're just as you appear outwardly mean, don't be a hypocrite, don't be too face, just as you are outside. Be that same person inside Don't be all nice at the heart and at the face and saying, Oh, thank you, you're welcome. You're so nice, but in your heart, you're jealous and you have hatred for that person. Don't be like that. So then you are truly sincere in your love for him, in private and in public, to
be the one who initiates the greeting of peace. What do you mean here greeting of peace, meaning Solomonic is to make room for him to sit in a gathering. When you're sitting down in a gathering your friend comes in whether anyone makes room for it or not. You move over and say, Hey, come sit right here. You go to work, you go to a party at a dinner, you make you pull the chair out for your friend, hey, come sit next to me. Don't let him just walk around and find a little corner to sit in while you're sitting in the middle of the gathering.
To come out of the house to welcome him. When he comes to visit you when he's leaving. Don't just sit on your couch and say walk your way out. You get up and walk him up. That's a sign of a good friend. To see him off when he leaves to keep quiet while he is talking until he finishes and to refrain from interrupting him. In short, you should treat your friend exactly as you would like to be treated. For truly the Brotherhood of a person who does not love for his brother. What he loves for himself is mere hypocrisy and will have evil consequences for him. For him both in this world and the hereafter. These are the courtesies do to people in general that you do not know. And to
those whose classic close friends who who are your brothers. So here it is it closes off the chapter by saying that
All the things I mentioned up above, they aren't only for your friends, these are for everyone. Whether people you know them or not, whether they are friends, whether your relatives, these are characteristics that you should deal with all your friends and bring these characteristics into your life when dealing with any person. So with this, we finish off today's class, we have one chapter left inshallah who knows us we'll cover that next week, or pray that Allah subhanaw taala accepts Allah Subhana that allows us to be these good people, a lot smarter allows us that our friends and our family and our children to be in the company of good friends and good and good scholars. And
Allah Allah sees us all from the company of evil people who will lead us to the fire of health masala Juana serum Hamada and he was having in Somalia.