Hosai Mojaddidi – Purification of the Heart for Muslimahs (Monthly Sisterhood Halaqa Part 3)
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AI: Transcript ©
So today we're going to begin on page one, officially and this is
introduction to purification. So the way this text is is this is a
classical Arabic poem written by email by Maloof. And what she has
done is he's translated everything in English. So we have the verses
of the poem, and then there's commentary that he provides. And
so inshallah we'll will reflect it at any point if you guys have
questions or insights or input, feel free. Let's keep this like
engaging. You know, I want it to be a dialogue or discussion. So
I'll read from the poem versus his poem verses one to eight. I begin
by starting with the heart of beginnings, for it is the highest
and noblest of beginnings. Have courtesy with God the high and the
majestic, by practicing modesty and humility, dejected, out of
shame and humility, humbled in all imploring Him, by giving up your
designs for his emptied of covetousness for what his servants
have, by hastening to fulfill his commands. And by being wary of the
subtle encroachment of bad manners. If you the spiritual
aspirant, realize your attributes of servitude, you will then be
assisted with something of the attributes of the Eternally
Besought. Realize your abject character and impoverishment and
you will gain dignity and wealth from the all powerful, there is no
salvation like the hearts salvation, given that all the
limbs and organs respond to its desires.
Courtesy the heart of purification, Imam Molad begins
his Arabic didactic poem with a play on words, that is lost in
translation, beginning in Arabic is Babu and the word for heart hub
also means to reverse something. Reversing the letters in the word
by do results in the word a dub, which is the term for courtesy.
And that is where this treaties begins, since courtesy is the
portal to the purification of the heart. So, again, a DAP. In order
to do this process of cleaning the heart of spiritual disease, we
have to understand and define what a DAP is. So now we're going to
begin with that right up in Arabic holds several meanings. In
addition to courtesy, a dub a derivative or excuse me, a deep
derivative of a dub, for example, has come to mean and rude ICT
person, someone who has learned as high manners and courtesy are
associated with learning and irritation. However, the idea of
courtesy is firmly established at the root of the word edip. Imamo.
Load starts his treaties with courtesy since excellent behavior
and comportment are the doorkeepers to the science of
spiritual purification. One must have courtesy with regard to God
behave properly with respect to his presence, if he or she wishes
to purify the heart. But how does one achieve this courtesy? Mahmoud
mentions two requisite qualities associated with courtesy, modesty,
hyah, and humility vote. So in order for us to achieve a dev,
which is a prerequisite of purification, we have to first
achieve the two prerequisites of adab, which are modesty and
humility, and modesty. So these three are these two work to help
us to achieve that state of other which is necessary if we're going
to do this proper. Right? So now let's let's talk more in depth
about these two words, because they're used so often in different
ways. But in this context, it's important to understand how Yeah,
in Arabic, conveys the meaning of shame. Though the root word of
Hyah, is closely associated with life and living. The Prophet
sallallahu Sallam stated every religion has a characteristic of
that religion, I'm sorry, every excuse me, every religion has a
quality that is characteristic of that religion. And the
characteristic of my religion is higher, an internal sense of shame
that includes bashfulness, and modesty. As children, many of us
have had someone say to us at times, shame on you.
Unfortunately, shame has now come to be viewed as a negative word,
as if it were a pejorative, parents are now often advised to
never cause a child to feel shame. The current wisdom largely largely
suggests that adults should always make the child feel good
regardless of his or her behavior. However, doing so eventually
disables naturally occurring deterrence to misbehavior. So
let's unpack that for a little bit. Because, again, you know, as
a teacher who's worked with young children, also as a parent and
someone who's kind of seen the spectrum right around child
rearing child in parenting, you find, I'm sure
Many of us, even in our own experiences, right, we've seen the
devastating effects of someone who doesn't understand this, right?
When you negatively speak to a child, you talk down to them, and
you shame them without this context of doing it, you know,
again, in the with the right, Nia, right, it's one thing to, to just
want to shame for the sake of, you know, whatever the case may be,
sometimes people become, they can't regulate their own emotions,
right? So it's like, I'm angry over a situation. And because I
don't have the ability to regulate my emotion, I take it out on you,
the individual or the child in this case. So parents often do
that educators, teachers do that adults, grandparents, right, we
see, unfortunately, the misuse of this concept of of inculcating
internal shame, right. And that's where we've gotten, we've gone to
this other extreme of now, all shame, categorically is seen as
bad. What that what we're being told here is actually, you have to
be careful, because if you disable at a young age, a child's internal
ability to see, you know, good and bad, right to see that the choice
that they made, or the action that they did, has consequences that
are negative, and to sit with that emotion, of, of remorse, right of
guilt, of feeling bad for what they did, if you disable that,
then you can create the opposite, or
you can create something that's quite negative, right, which is
someone who is diluted, who doesn't see their own, you know,
the harm that they inflict on others, who was told maybe by, you
know, it's, it's, it's kind of like mis applied compassion,
right? Because a parent or an adult who thinks like, No, we
should never ever, you know, discipline a child when they do
wrong, and you should never just, it's going to damage them. That
that is an extreme view, that also has consequences, right? Because
you're disabling this important human quality of being able to be
self accountable for yourself. And that's why if you look around,
you're seeing this very common in our culture now, right? Where
people just don't, where they speak, where they behave totally
in their own self interests, with a very little regard for what, how
it impacts other people, right? Have we not witnessed total
entitlement in this culture, and this is one of the things that the
US, unfortunately is known for by a lot of people, you know, outside
of the US, they just look at us as a bunch of entitled brats, who are
always, you know, operating for our own self interest, because we
were never, you know, this is the neffs. Right? And this is why from
a spiritual perspective is important to understand that, you
know, the weird triune, right, we have three parts to us. And if we
don't know how to control those parts, right, and how to govern
ourselves, then we can actually be quite dangerous, right? So you see
people just on the road, look at traffic, how many people do you
see on a daily that are so entitled, they will drive at
ridiculous speeds weave in and out, right of lanes? Because they
have somewhere to be? Right? They don't care about the consequences
of their actions? Maybe because no one, you know, gave them this
mechanism to say, Wait a second, you know, you can't just do
whatever you want, right? That's not how things work. And so if we
go with this idea that all shame is bad, right? This is
unfortunately, the consequences that you can create these types
of, you know, situations where people are oblivious to the harm
that they inflict on others, or they just simply are apathetic,
they really don't care. And that is a byproduct. It's I mean, it's
spiritual disease, but it comes from again, this mis
categorization of shame as being something like, again, a negative
a pejorative something all across is bad. No, there is from from our
spiritual perspective, human to human shaming, right?
There's, of course, boundaries around that. And it should always
be done in a healthy, productive, like when you're criticizing, for
example, right? There's negative criticism that's just meant to
tear someone down. And then there's positive criticism that is
important for the for that individual to hear in order to be
better, right? So the parent or the adults role when they're, you
know, using these, you know, certain terms or phrases or
however they're using choosing to discipline a child in a situation.
The intention should not obviously be personal, right? The the neffs
of that adult shouldn't be a factor. It's not about my feelings
in this moment. It's about what is in the best interest of the child,
right? So when you have that positive intention, and then
obviously, you have taqwa, right that's a big component.
A factor because you're aware that God is watching and that that
child is an Amana and you can't just destroy it with your words or
your tone or your threats, right? Because you fear the consequence
of God in, in possibly abusing your power, right? If you're
having that, all that awareness, then you will be very careful with
how you discipline that child. And even if you leave that child to
feel a bit of internal, like I said, shame internal, not outward,
not bad in front of anybody else, not you know, it's not about you
and them, it's about them, recognizing that what they did was
bad, then you're helping to cultivate a conscience, right?
You're helping to cultivate something very important for them
in all aspects of their life, in relationships, they're going to
need to feel what it feels like to make a mistake and how to correct
it. Right. And that's the other part of it, which I mean, it's
not, I don't think it's mentioned here. But like, you know, when
you're in that situation, when you're disciplining a child, that
you leave them feeling the, you know, feeling that remorse for
whatever was done. But also there's a path to fix it, to
redress that, right? So it's not just your bad, and I'm going to
label you like these, you know, we don't that's not our way it's to
teach them right and wrong. But how do you fix yourself? How do
you address this wrong, right? Because that is ultimately from,
you know, from our, again, our from, from a spiritual
perspective, the way all of us will learn if Allah subhanaw taala
left us without feeling hope, right? That we could become
better. Right? Then how many of us would feel like what's the point,
right? But it's the fact that time and time again, he's telling us,
right? Whether you're reading the Quran, or different stories or
Hadith, that no matter where you are, you know, even if your sins
reach the foam of the ocean, or reach to the sky, or the Hadith of
the man, for example, who killed 99 people? I mean, what is why?
Think about why first of all, was that hadith relayed right and then
preserved for all these centuries, right? There's a reason because I
love once it to reach those who feel that their sins are so bad
that they've, they're just so corrupt, such a terrible
individual is how should I thought you know, messes with us, he wears
us down by by, you know, giving us or attributing value to us
according to our deeds, right? And so
I think
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar,
Allah. So we left off, talking about right, the importance of not
seeing all shame, as bad, because some shame is actually useful, in
that it helps us to develop a conscience and we become aware of
ourselves and the fact that our actions when they
are out of line that they do require an appropriate response.
Right? And that can be developed if you just gloss over everything
someone does or says, in order to spare them that momentary feeling
of discomfort, right? So for young children, it's important that they
do feel that momentary, discomfort as long as you're not harming
them, we don't harm we don't inflict harm. When we shame. It's
a matter of teaching. It's a matter of therapy, it's a matter
of discipline. So and then, he goes on to say here, some
anthropologists divide cultures into shame, cultures and guilt
cultures. According to this perspective, shame is an outward
mechanism. And guilt is an inward one which alludes to a human
mechanism that produces strong feelings of remorse when someone
has done something wrong, to the point that he or she needs to
rectify the matter. Most primitive cultures are not guilt based, but
are shame based, which is rooted in the fear of bringing shame upon
oneself and the larger family. Islam honors the concept of shame,
and takes it to another level altogether, to a rank edge in one
in which one feels a sense of shame before God. When a person
acknowledges and realizes that God is fully aware of all that one
does as and thinks, shame is elevated to a higher plane to the
unseen world from which there is no cover. At this level when feels
a sense of shame even before the angels. So while Muslims comprise
a shame based culture, this notion transcends feeling shame before
one's family
whether one's elders or parents, and admits a mechanism that is not
subject to the changing norms of human cultures. So on this point,
some of us may come from cultures where we were taught, right, what
will the people say? And so, and I think girls, we hear, we tend to
hear this more, right, we're more policed sometimes in many of our
cultures, and our boy, you know, the boys are. So if you grew up in
a household of total double standards, right, where your
brothers were allowed to do certain things that you weren't,
because what you were told was people, what will people say?
Right? Although that's, that should not be the conclusion,
right of, of how we understand shame, it is necessary in that
until someone develops that awareness of God. Right, that it's
can be helpful, right, for children and for adolescents. And
as they're developing to direct them to the social consequences of
misbehavior. Right? Because it's kind of, again, a way of
disciplining that, that that knifes that if if it's not given
certain parameters, or certain,
you know, boundaries, that it may,
you know, harm itself and cause harm to others. So that's why
providing that lens of looking at, you know, what will people say, is
temporarily useful in that stage of life, right. But as we evolve,
and as we grow in our understanding, as we develop our
own relationship with Allah subhanaw taala, it has to move
beyond the people, right? If you're stuck at the level of what
will the people say the danger of that is that what happens when
there's nobody watching? Right? And this is how shaitan can dilute
a lot of people. And you have a lot of people who have the problem
of duplicity, right of having wearing masks. So in certain
spaces, they're one way, and then in other spaces are a different
way, because maybe this point of shame.
Around what will people say was all they were really given. And so
that can actually grow or lead to many more problems for the
individual, because then they are under this delusion that as long
as nobody else knows, or as long as no one else sees, then it's
okay. And that's, you know, these are all very, very subconscious,
internal conversations that we're having within ourselves, because,
and who are the operators here? Right? Who are the ones that are
having these conversations? Well, that's where we have to go back to
our own nature Yes.
Yes?
Get
rid of absolutely know, it's so on point, because unfortunately, a
lot of parents will get stuck on, again, disciplining the child and
not really focusing on does the child really understand, right?
The gravity of what they've done? Or is it just in the moment, you
want them to feel so bad for what they did, and we personalize
things, sometimes parents, depending, again, on our own
experiences, our own upbringing, because a lot of times, we're just
repeating what was done to us or it's a learned behavior. So then
we repeat those same cycles. But if you were in a household where
all the your parents did was have to, you know, instill immense fear
in you, or shame you discipline, you know, give you a consequence,
a punishment. And that was it. And there was no conversation, broader
conversation, right? To really help the help you understand the
consequence of that action, right, in a healthy way, then what
happens is, like so many children do, when authority is not present,
then the mischievous side comes out, right? And I've seen this,
you know, as a teacher in classroom settings, right? So
everybody's on their best behavior because the teachers in the room,
but as soon as the teacher steps out, there's no self governance
happening because the child was not properly taught to have this
broader understanding, right? That it's not about just getting into
good great favors of the adults around you and just trying to be
you know, pretentious, because that's a that's a pretense, right
of model behavior. Like I do everything, according to what is
expected of me. That's if that's all it is. And it's just a show.
It's a proof
formance, then when the people that you're trying to impress are
no longer there, then your real side comes out that duality is
very, very dangerous spiritually. But a lot of people,
unfortunately, this is how they have been raised to think, right?
That it's all about just basically toeing the line and staying on
good behavior as long as the people, the adults or whoever
you're trying to impress coworkers. I mean, you can, if you
think about how many people slack off at work, right? In
professional spaces, you will have people when the supervisors,
managers, or if it's that day, where like the top, you know,
heads are coming in.
Everybody's like, suddenly, you know, you know, on their, whatever
devices, and they're really into their work and their desks, or
their cubicles, or whatever, it is perfect. But when those authority
figures aren't there, then what happens, right? That's the true
self like what in the absence of people that you're trying to
impress, how are you that's why a good indicator of where you are
spiritually, is not how you are in the mess shit or at a halacha or
unhedged or anywhere that you would think you know, is going to
reveal your spirituality, the true self is revealed when you're
alone. Right? When you are by yourself, and nobody is there, how
are you behaving?
That's why it's so important to again, understand that we're going
back to this issue of shame, the conversation has to evolve away
from just what are the social consequences of misbehavior? That
is very limiting. And it actually, as I said, can contribute to other
spiritual problems, not only the problem of duplicity of dual
majors of having one mask for one, you know, but the other side of it
is also another disease, which we'll get to soon. ostentation.
Right, right? Yeah. And that's one of the diseases that we'll cover
this is when you actually are deliberately doing certain things
so that people are impressed by you. And it's one of the most
common, subtle and dangerous of the diseases of the heart, it's
like,
it's actually considered minor shit. Because when you are doing
things, like increasing your spiritual efforts, so that people
are impressed by you or think that you're more knowledgeable, you
know, you kind of, again, in certain spaces, you hold yourself
in a certain way. But then outside of those spaces are very
different. Those are all indications of spiritual disease,
right, because look at the prophesy, so you will not find
him. He was very consistent, regardless of who he was with,
right?
It didn't matter whether it was with his family, with his
companions with states, heads of states, with servants, the
province was was the same. And that's because he was more
concerned with Allah subhanaw dadas opinion of him than trying
to either try to impress people or avoid their judgement, which is
what we human beings have to grapple with. Especially in
today's world, when so much of our interactions through social media,
right? Think about how much we are, I mean, how many of you are
on social media, like you actually have a presence? Instagram,
Facebook, snap? How many of you are just not like you have no
social media presence? That's impressive. Mashallah, may Allah
protect you, because more and more people are, because I mean, COVID
aside, but also before COVID It's just kind of the way the world is
going, right? It's like, in order, even in professional spaces, or
relationships, like you're moved, if you've moved away from family
or friends, sometimes the only way to stay in touch is through these
different mediums. So people have to, you know, participate in it,
even if they don't want to, but there are I know people too, who
have held out and I'm always impressed by that, Mashallah. But
if you're on social media, then you can see how this is a concern,
isn't it? Like, the presentation that a lot of people have on
social media? Have you ever felt a little uncomfortable? Maybe, like
scrolling through someone's page or not even a person but like,
just kind of seeing the, the way that
like Muslim be, I should say the culture around certain.
Like, for example, the spaces right, there's certain, like
Muslim, Twitter has its own sort of culture versus Muslim Instagram
versus Muslim Facebook, right? But it's kind of in similar in the
sense that the way that people behave on these spaces seems to be
very much focused on image, right, there's a huge concentration on
image Tiktok all of these different spaces you'll see. Very
polished, you know, please
denotations like, if you have people who are influencers, right,
even that, that whole category is, you'll see that so much of their
focus is on putting an image forward that sells something or
sells an idea that I have, either I'm a model parent, wife, I have a
perfect home, like, spotless, there's nothing wrong with my
life, you know, or I have an amazing social life, or I travel
and see the best places, right? But there's a lot of focus on look
at me and how fabulous my life is, and how amazing my life is, that
can be spiritually very detrimental, because now we're
talking about, especially if a big part of your persona is your
spiritual, your spirituality, like, that's a very big part of
who you are. And then you couple that, with this need for
validation for attention, right, you can see where this is going.
But this is why we were warned of these things, you know, so long
ago that you have to be very careful with your intentions and
with the way that you interact in in public. And this can be one on
one with with, you know, individuals, like in this, you
know, on site like here as we are, or it could be in spaces like that
1000s And, you know, people can access whatever it is if you're
putting yourself out in a in a public way. Be very mindful, right
of what you're saying how you're presenting yourself. Because the
danger is again, that you could be you know, you're you're polluting
that intention, that purity of intention that is so essential to
everything that we do and say, as believers. So that's the danger,
the other side of
of not inculcating a healthy understanding of shame, right? Of
not incorporating this lens of looking at, well, your your,
your every action, every word, every deed is known to Allah
subhanaw taala how do you operate with that knowledge, right? That's
the most important central information that should dictate
your every action and every word that Allah is watching you at all
times, you can never escape him. But if you don't have that
awareness, and you're thinking more about Auntie so and so
because she talks a lot, and I don't want her to know, or, you
know, or uncle so and so or whoever it is in the community
that you're worried about, then what's going to happen is again,
Shakedowns gonna trap you into this thinking that, as long as
they don't know, I'm good. But that's not necessarily
the case, right? Because when we immerse ourselves in sins, it's a
very slippery slope. But it's also very dangerous, because you have
no idea when the veil will be removed, Allah could very well
remove that veil, and he has, for many people. Unfortunately,
throughout history, there's many cautionary tales of veils being
removed from people who thought they were getting away with
something, because nobody knew. But then Allah is the One who
knew. And he removed the veil. And now everybody knows, right. We've
seen it in our own time, too. Unfortunately, with some of these,
you know, scandals and things that have happened in our own
community, it's been unfortunate, but you have to think about that
Subhanallah, you know, those people who were doing those things
they thought they were they had some delusion, something that told
them that they were gonna get away with it. And Allah decided to
remove that for sure. I mean, hamdullah to prevent harm, that's
a good thing. But it's still this idea that we, as human beings can
fall into these traps is really important to understand. So that's
why having a healthy understanding of shame, and not falling into
what the predominant culture tells us is really important. We have
our own standards. And I think what's happening is sometimes we
hear things
like in the, in the culture around us, and because it's like, it's so
commonly and it's so pervasive, and it's so widespread, we
sometimes may think that that's a better way, right? But in fact,
when it comes to things that are very clear cut like this, we
shouldn't just just because it sounds right, like it sounds right
to say, you should never shame a child. Right? That sounds right.
But then if you think about the spiritual consequences that we
just laid out, then you realize, actually look at what that
philosophy has done. Look at what that understanding is done in this
culture, right, where you see a lot of entitlement and a lot of
behavior that shows very little self accountability. So is it
really wise? No, contextualize it to what does our traditions and
our tradition says everything within limits, but in order to
have a healthy understanding? The most important factor is Allah
subhanaw taala. You cannot just and that's why even when I do
parenting classes, I always try to focus on the parenting on the
parent and myself included, slowly kind of removing withdrawing
ourselves from the as a focal point of our children, right. So
it's normal when you're a parent to expect the child to be
You know, follow the lines, be obedient. Listen, because I said
so right, again, based on the model of parenting you ascribe to,
that may be the way that you try to get to your child, don't do it,
or you know, we're gonna get mad Bob was gonna get my dad's gonna
get mad or what are you, you're using basically, these these terms
to try to get through to the child. But at a certain point, you
have to know the wisdom of removing yourself from the
equation good in disciplinary times, but also in positive times.
And what I mean by that is like, even when you're happy with the
child, not focusing too much on yourself, right? Like, Oh, I'm so
proud of you. And you're, you know, look if you've made, or
like, if you're giving them a gift, for example, you know, to
kind of spotlight yourself, right, creates this understanding where
the child just sees you, pleasing you or not wanting to displease
you as being their ultimate objective. But if you can slowly
with retreat, and then remind them of Allah, right,
as you're praising them, or as you're disciplining them, you're
going to help them to cultivate an awareness of God that when you're
not there, it will hopefully kick in that mechanism will kick in. So
later in their teen years, for example, when they have the first
opportunity to, I mean, this is very real phenomenon.
Unfortunately, nowadays, younger and younger, it's happening, but
children who get a device for the first time, you know, if you've
spent a lot of time, helping them to understand that Allah is with
you at all times, he can see you and you want to really be
protective of yourself like that our teachers have taught us like
in their own parenting style, to tell the children like to guard
your heart, you know, protect your heart, protect your eyes, to
constantly infuse these ideas from a very early age of the child
realizes. Because Allah you want to make Allah happy, he gave you
the blessing of eyesight, he gave you the blessing of hearing. So
reminding Allah always always infusing his remembrance in your,
in your guidance, right? So that when that child gets the
opportunity for the first time to see something, haram or like, you
know, it happens, their friends are sending them things, they may
land on a page, that's inappropriate, that maybe that
voice that you've helped to awaken within them, right?
stirs something in their heart, where they look away, they turn it
off, and then they come and tell you and that's why
when it comes to this relationship, it's so important
like, with my own children, for example, very early on, I taught
them, tell me the truth, it's going to be much better than you
for you than to deceive to be deceptive. Like, if you think
you're going to get in the worst trouble possible. I'd rather you
tell me the full truth. And I will, you'll be rewarded for that.
Then you lying or distorting, you know, like, you break something,
sometimes children, they don't want to get in trouble. It's
natural, they're scared. But if you teach them early on, to have
open communication, right, then what happens is, when they're in
those situations later on, hopefully, all of those things
that you've taught them will kick in, and they'll remember, I should
tell my mom the truth, right? So alhamdulillah like, you know, with
with I've two boys been telling that for the very day day one and
they to this day, Alhamdulillah Shalom Allah protected, but they,
they will come and report to me if they do something wrong, because
they understand that I'm not going to shame them. I'm not going to,
you know, use weaponize that information against them and make
them feel horrible. But actually, just as we are taught, right, when
we make mistakes, as adults, Allah Subhan Allah tells us to come back
to me, right? Tober that a concept of Toba is constantly reinforced,
because he doesn't want us to feel what shaitan would want us to
think which is I'm doomed. Right? I'm done for I'm horrible. I'm
Allah will never look at me with love again. That's what shaytaan
fills our minds with. But I was constantly telling us, no matter
how many mistakes you make, keep coming back. Right? If I wanted to
create everyone, you know, perfect, perfect worshipers that
never made mistakes, you would have done that. But he didn't, he
made us with the ability to make, you know, to return to Him. And so
that these are the ideas that are that he's constantly reminding us
of, but we can do something similar in terms of how we talk to
one another. This creating safe spaces, right? When you create a
safe space, for family, for children, for friends, for your
spouse, if you're married, what you're saying is, I'd rather you
be honest and have open communication than
then be deceptive and think that there's, you know, no other
recourse, because that's again, just going to things will break
down at that point, but if you're there's honesty, and you create
those healthy spaces that inshallah you can work through
whatever it is, so we can do that in so many different areas with
friendships with marriages with children, but all of it comes down
I want to do we understand this concept well, that, first of all,
we all make mistakes, all of us. And when a person makes a mistake,
whatever their age, whatever the case may be, that we should show
compassion. This is the Prophetic way. And that's why the process
and received people of all different they're mean there's so
many stories where he would bring people into a state of calm and
inner peace, even though they felt that shame, right, because his
way, he's the universal prophet of Rama, like he's teaching people to
be compassionate. So we have to learn that. But again, this
mechanism is really important to inculcate at an early age, in
order to have it, you know, in in adulthood, which we all need it,
of course. So
Mameluke also mentions that one should have voted right, which
literally means being lowly, abject or humbled. The Quran
mentions that people who incur the anger of God have this state of
humiliation thrust upon them. This humility or humbleness assumed
before God is required for courtesy. Interestingly, the word
Monocacy Iran is translated as dejected, though it literally
means broken. It conveys a sense of being humbled in the majestic
presence of God. It refers to the awesome realization that each of
us had every moment lives and acts before the August presence of the
Creator of the heavens and the earth, the one God besides whom
there is no power, or might in all the universe. When we seriously
reflect on God's perfect watch over his creation and the
countless blessings He sends down, and then consider the kind of
deeds we bring before him. What can we possibly feel except
humility, and shame. These strong feelings should lead us to implore
God to change our state make our desires consonant with his
pleasure, giving up our designs for God's designs. This is pure
courtesy with respect to God, a requisite for spiritual
purification. The Prophet sallallahu sallam said, None of
you fully believes until his desires are in accordance with
what I have brought, being aligned and at peace with the teachings of
the Prophet sallallahu Sallam which embody the legacy of the
Prophetic teachings of Noah, Abraham, Moses and Jesus alayhi
salam entails striving to free oneself of greed, and refusing the
ethic of doing something for an ulterior motive that is
essentially selfish and dissonant with the teachings of God's
prophets and the home set of a person should not seek anything
from God's servants. If one wants anything, one should seek it from
God, the sovereign of the heavens and the earth. The basic rule is
to ask God and then work that is one that is one should utilize the
means as verb that one must use in order to achieve something in this
world. Umemoto den says that one should hasten to fulfill God's
command, and be wary of the subtle encroachment of bad manners,
namely false that one is unaware of a hadith states one of you will
say a word and give it no consideration. Though it will drag
the person who uttered it through Hellfire for 70 years, people
often become so disconnected from Prophetic teachings that they
unwittingly inflict great harm upon themselves. It is comparable
to a heedless person who finds himself in diplomatic circles
laden with protocol, that he makes horrendous breaches of protocol
without realizing it. With regard to God, the matter is obviously
much more serious as one soul may be harmed by one's own breaches.
In this case, the protocol involves knowledge of God and what
He has enjoyed and prescribed. So
this is really important. And I hope it's clear what is being said
here. Again, in order for us to really embark on this journey of
self purification, we have got to have a debate with God, if we want
to have a debate with God, we have to understand healthy sense of
internal shame, and also have the humility to see ourselves in this
abject, low light, in this way of seeing, like, I'm always
deficient. But yet God is so great, right? I'm always, I'm
always short. I'm distracted in my prayers. I lose my temper. I'm
impatient. I don't have you know, good up. I forget things all the
time. I missed the mark. But God is so generous, that he continues
to guide me and what this is the greatest gift. seriously think
about the world right now. And how many people have no guidance,
they're walking around in shells, just empty, because they weren't
raised with purpose. And this is why a lot of people are struggling
because they don't have purpose. If you look at the modern world,
it's so sad because at least you know yes with all that
Other problems in the world that existed before, you know, modern,
modern times, there are always problems. But I think one of the,
the things that we can appreciate about pre modern people is that
they believed in God and they had a drive by that a purpose. They
woke up feeling like, life had meaning. But when you have, you
know, all of these ideas, right, these very secular ideas, these
very ideas that are totally divorced from, from faith and
tradition, you know, these postmodern ideas of just basically
rejecting that there's, you know, objective truth that there that we
don't the life has life is meaningless with a lot of
cynicism, a lot of just empty, like, what's the meaning of it
all? These are the kinds of ideas that a lot of our fellow human
beings are raised in, because the cultures that they are raised in,
have lost, you know, faith, and you find it more and more, right.
Look at Europe, look at even here in the US. I mean, there's pew
studies that show like, levels of religiosity have plummeted in just
the past few decades. It's so sad, and that's why I remember I did a
panel here at the MCC, with Rabbi and
a priest, I believe,
or a pastor. And we were talking about like engagement, you know,
from the community. And they were both just saying that it's so hard
to keep their doors open. Because the people that come to their
congregations, both the rabbi and the pastor were like, in the 5060,
above, like the, you know, Boomer generation, have very few young
people, families are basically non existent. So their, you know,
their congregants are of a, it's kind of like a dying breed. So
when we were telling them, I was like, please don't have that, you
know, don't give us the name. But we were telling him about how
mashallah we have youth programs. And we have and this is before
COVID, like we had 1000s of people coming for, you know, so that Juma
media gets really packed here, you know, they were both stunned. They
were shocked, like, really, like you guys had that many people were
like, Yeah, we have a lot of our, you know, congregants or young
families, like, you know, young couples, they couldn't believe it.
Because church doors were being closed, I'm sure you've seen
right, how many there, they're not they they're not in operation
anymore, because people have left, you know, faith. This is a very
common problem now in many different parts of the world. So
what that, you know, unfortunately has done is, its created, you
know, this, this world of nihilist or nihilism, or just, life has no
meaning. And you raise families like that, and then imagine we're
living in the world without thinking that there's more beyond
this world like a dog. It's actually really tragic to me.
Right? It's tragic to think that there are people out there who
just think this is it, and then we die. And that's it. We just become
worm food, and there's nothing more. But humbler, we have
guidance. And we have, you know, we have we have a medicine that a
cure. All right, a panacea that helps us to be able to cope with
not just, you know, everything that's going on right now. But
also loss like people, I mean, you'll see it in your own life,
you're going to go through challenges as part and parcel of
being in the Zinnia, you're going to lose people, you know, you're
gonna go through personal challenges of your own struggles,
internal financial relationship, there's gonna be things health
issues that come up. But what having Dean does is it gives you a
hamdulillah something, it's like, it's stabilizing, right? Because
when everything seems shaken, and like turbulent, you just remember
that this is temporal, it's ephemeral. And Allah is in
control, and it's all going to be over. And then there's more, and
that more is what I'm planning for. Right. And that solid belief
is what helps us to carry through. So to have the lab being in a
state of total gratitude to Allah subhanaw taala, for the blessings
of guidance, for all the blessings of that we have, but realizing
that even though we're short, and we're, we fail, we fail, and we
falter, that he still continues to pour into us, his generosity, you
know,
I remember, I don't know, maybe 1015 years ago, things that, you
know, when you're young, it's like until you experience certain
things, it doesn't hit you. But how many of us take for example,
our health for granted, you know,
just if you've ever been knocked out or like had a cast or back
problems, right? If you've ever experienced, like something where
your mobility was affected, how much more appreciative of your
mobility, were you, right? Like, when you come out of that
situation, you've healed and you're like, Oh, my God, I
remember I had chronic like back pain a few years ago. And there
was one time where I had pulled my back and I was out for three weeks
like it was such a difficult struggle. Oh my gosh, I couldn't
sit
The back was so bad that I was basically on my back for three
weeks and imagine you still have to function. You know, I still had
to, you know, like, how do you use the restroom? How do you do
certain things, it was so difficult. And I honestly wasn't
sure if I'd ever be able to walk or sit up again. Because the pain
was so excruciating humbler Allah is so cutting, because he helped
me heal from that right? When I came out of that, so Oh, my God,
did I look at like, my mobility in such a different way. Because you
had to have, it's one thing to kind of, Oh, my back hurts. But to
not be able to even sit up was really, really very, very
difficult. So you see people going through health issues. That's why
that I don't know if it's a hadith or a saying, I think it might be a
hadith.
That health is a crown that only the the sick can see. Right? Like
we're all wearing crowns when we're in good health. But the
people who really appreciate that crown are those that are looking
at you like, Wow, do you even know what you have. And I remember one
of my very close friends, may Allah bless her, she got a
terrible reaction to something and
awakened, this triggered an autoimmune response that just
devastated her and really caused wreaks havoc on her whole body.
But she was prevented. And to this day, she can't make such that. But
I remember when she told us that I just cried. And I if I think about
us, I'll get emotional, because she just said, like, what I
wouldn't do, you know, to make to make us such that again, and how
many of us are, you know, like chickens, just rushing through the
stages that because we don't realize there are people who are
so like, they wish they could just do that action again, it was
removed from them as well, they're withheld from it, but we have it.
So this is what this abject state looks like. It's fully becoming
aware of the fact that God has given us so much.
And we're, we're unworthy of it. But he's so generous. And then
that what that does is it makes you feel so indebted, and so in
love with him, right? Because you're aware, and you're counting
all the blessings he's given you, despite your deficiency. So what
it does is it makes you just feel so like
it connected in such a deep way that you seek out opportunities to
gain his pleasure. And that's how we then move into,
you know, this concept of having other with God, right? Because
once you get to that point of, I feel bad when I make mistakes, and
then I realize my own loneliness. Now how can I gain the pleasure of
Allah, I need to have a job with Allah. So how can I do that? And
that's why this analogy of, you know, not being aware of yourself,
it or not having, you know, not having this realization is like
someone being thrown into, like, you know, a formal environment
like the analogy was given, it's comparable to a heedless person
who finds himself in diplomatic circles. So if you find a person
who is thrown into like, a meeting with the President and like
congressmen, right, and you know, if you've watched any, like, you
know, any films or anything that kind of show how aristocratic
people are people in high political office behave, right,
they conduct themselves a certain way, there's etiquettes, even if
you have certain cultures are very specific etiquettes of how you
sit, how you eat, you have to dress a certain way, right? But
imagine a person who's thrown into that with no idea that there's a
protocol, right? There's protocols, which are wait kind of
codes of conduct, they're just kind of thrown into that
environment, how are they going to walk around? Are they going to fit
in? Are they going to obviously look like they don't belong there?
Most of us because we don't know the with God, that's how we are.
We're kind of like, you know, walking around, like, that person
totally doesn't work, because we're not paying attention to or
we're not asking the right questions like what are the
protocols? What does God expect for me? How should I behave? And
that's what purification of the heart teaches you? Right? It
teaches you to take a very deep look into understanding your own
weaknesses, shortcomings, and aligning them with what God
expects of you and ridding yourself of those things, where
where you're where you know, you're not aligned, those diseases
so
hamdulillah we'll stop here because there's a lot more in this
section and we can continue inshallah next time, but are there
any questions or anything anybody wants to share any comments?
Anything? Any reflections?
Yes.
In my old family, for example, where they use religion to save
the child, when they get older, the child going
Anything can.
Somebody telling you that?
Oh, man,
I can't tell you how many cases I've been involved in with that
it's it's really hurts my heart to hear those things, but I know that
they exist. And that's a form of spiritual abuse. So we should
know. And if anybody's ever had that experience where it was,
whether it was a parent, or an Islamic school teacher or
grandparent who's ever used religion, to shame you, and been
really cruel or physically harmed you as a child, that person was
really out of line. And that is a form of spiritual abuse. And they
certainly are not speaking on any level of authority. From the day
no matter how many Quranic verses they taught you or, you know,
tried to force down onto you, it's, they don't know what they're
talking about. And we have to really,
you know, because these are very traumatic experiences, I once had
a young girl. And this was after a talk I gave very, I mean, always
sits with me, because I think about where she is now. But she
came up to me after a talk and she was like, I need to speak to you.
And I said, Okay, so we kind of huddled a little bit, you know,
away from the crowd. And I don't know, if she was speaking on her
own behalf, or her friends, you know, sometimes people will come
and say, I have a friend, but you don't know. But she said that one
of her friends had been cutting, you know, self harming.
And then, you know, as I probed further, she said that it was
because her mother, from a very young age, used to abuse her. And
it was, unfortunately Altavilla because of you know, her mother
had very high expectations of her children, I guess, when it came to
memorizing the Quran. And so whenever this little stories are
just like, I mean, I was really shocked when she told me this, but
she said, Yeah, ever since she was three years old, her mother
basically beat her if she made mistakes with the Quran. And she
would even run after her in the house with like a knife. And so
I'm just standing there, like, I cannot believe that, you know,
someone could do that. You're like, this is the book of Allah
subhanho That is the Most Merciful of the Merciful. We start with
Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim. And you're going to because of a
child, a three year old, there's no accountability on a three year
old to memorize the Quran. Right? But this poor girl was so worried
because she said that her friend was suicidal. And I thought it was
a very complicated story. And we tried to give her the help, that
she needed, but I just it's always stayed with me, like, How could
someone do that, but then you realize, as we mentioned, a lot of
these things are learned behaviors. So the cycle of abuse
and violence, usually it's it's learned, right? So somewhere, that
woman and we're not, you know, excusing it because of that, it's
just a fact, somewhere, maybe she was given the same discipline, you
know, and if you look at, unfortunately, some of our schools
back home, how many of us have heard horror stories, right of how
they discipline, you know, using, you know,
you know, actual physical punishment, this is totally haram,
you cannot do that. You can't, you know, hurt children. So these
types of things we have to be clear about, and we don't, you
know, make excuses for that kind of behavior. It's totally
unacceptable. Children have to be very, we have to be very delicate
with how we treat them. But we also have to know that children
are like, you know, their new foods, the knifes their little new
foods, that kind of like, you know, how are like a
nominalization, or other great scholars described? It's like a
wild animal that has to be tamed. Right? So the discipline that
tarbiyah is the taming process, but even that is done with
compassion. It's not done with force and abuse, right, you can
tame an animal. You know, when I was expecting my first son, I used
to watch a lot of animal planet, I love animals. But I remember
watching these trainers, whether it was with dogs or others and you
would take the wildest, most, you know,
virile, or is that the right word? What is it when they're very
feral, sorry, not feral, like animal that's wild and what have
you. And you just give them the proper trainer who knows how to
break the fear in that animal because, you know, a lot of times
they're, they're victims of abuse, too. That's why like, you know,
dogs or cats when you see them really, I kissing or barking.
don't presume that that's a natural disposition. Dogs are like
man's best friend. They're amazing. You know, animals are
amazing. Cats as well, but when you see that sign, they were
likely abused. But when you put a purse, I mean an animal like that
with a trainer who understands how to reach the animal. What can
happen I just saw a recent little video on an animal like that it
was a it was a cat, where it was saved.
situation completely destroyed by some human and made to be very,
very skittish and just not very, you know, like approachable but
give it some time love and then you see a total transformation
children are the same you have to tame that inner beast within them
yes?
Hi
little bit
sure
mashallah, that's a very good question. I'll just kind of
paraphrase it for those who are watching online. So the question
was about how to teach our teenagers modesty intro when
they're seeing other Muslims also behave in modestly without
allowing them or without, you know, leading them to be
judgmental. Right. So to be more mindful of themselves, but also
deal with these types of, you know, inconsistencies. Right?
Because it doesn't make sense. So it's a very good question. I
think, you know, these conversations have to start very
early sometimes.
You know, we we wait, it's not that we're doing it intentionally,
intentionally, but kind of like, when problems arise, then we
address these bigger conversations, right. But if you,
I mean, from a general sense, I would just say, for parents who
are sending their kids to public schools, for example, or even
Islamic schools, because some of these things, let's be real, are
happening even in Islamic schools, if you're going to send your
children to environments where they're going to be exposed to
certain things, then the preparation for those types of
things have to happen before they see it, right. It's not just oh,
now that you've seen it, let's address it. So that would be a
general advice, but once they've seen it, and then going back, and
that's why I think, you know, having conversations around human
nature, which are very like equalizing, you know, it kind of,
it allows it, when we talk about, like the nature of human behavior,
and how, throughout history, you will find, you know, very similar,
like, history repeats itself, human beings are very predictable,
right? A lot of these things are not new, it's just that they, we
have different contexts, right. But, you know, it's not like, you
know, being shameless or being, you know, maybe overly sexual, or
whatever the case may be, is something that is a new
phenomenon, it was just, they were, it was done differently,
more discreetly, maybe in previous times, but the fact remains that
human beings have weaknesses, right. And so when you approach
these topics in a way of, you know, how did all of us want to
create us that we are created with, you know, that's why like,
looking at, for example, like, you know, the, the great philosophers,
Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, they kind of give us a comprehensive
view, right of the human being, and, of course, our own Imam Al
Ghazali, and others who used and incorporated similar ideas, but
like understanding the triune nature of the human being, that
like, I have these conversations I'm reading currently, for
example, with my boys. I'm reading from Plato, the Republic, because
Socratic way of teaching is really good way of teaching children
right to ask questions, to kind of get their minds thinking, and
sometimes we think, like, Oh, little kids, they can't get this
stuff. But that's not true. They actually can learn very well, if
you kind of trigger their own internal like Inquisition, like,
you know, like, think about this on a deep level. So anyway, we're
talking about these ideas. And so in part of the Republic, Plato
talks about, you know, the, what he defines as the, the, the, the
human, and then the beast, and the pig, right, or the pig and the
dog, but there's this this represents, these are the three
ways that the triune nature of the human being is presented. So we
have the intellect, right, the vehicle that we're taught, which
is what should govern our behavior. Then we also have our
app
rotative soul right? Our concupiscent soul, which is where
our knifes where our appetites are based appetites reside. And then
we have our irascible soul, or the beast right the dog, which
represents our emotions. So when you help children understand that
we all every single person even I'm sorry, Mama and Baba, and
grandma and grandpa, everybody, we all have these three parts of us,
and how do they work? Right? appetites for example are
essential we need to eat, we need to drink, we need to sleep and we
procreate, right? For the purpose of, you know, maintaining our our
art, it's a it's an impulse for the race, right the human race, we
have to procreate in order to have children. So that's a natural
desire that human beings have given us. And we can go into
extremes in our appetites. So when you kind of have a conversation
like this, where it's more philosophical, as opposed to,
like, you know, kind of getting into specifics about students on
their campus, and like, just kind of talk about it as a general
like, this is all human nature, and then go into again, more
descriptions like emotions, right? We have emotions for a reason,
they're useful, but they can also be weaponized, like anger, anger
is a very useful emotion. But if you don't know how to control
anger, right, then it's kind of like having
a wild dog on the loose without a leash, you need to be able to
control those emotions. So that's where self regulation is
important. And then how our who's who's governing if you're, if you
know that you have three aspects to you, but you don't know how to
govern yourself, then maybe and there are people nowadays think
about it, how many people are, are, are being led by their
appetites, right? How many people are being led by their emotions,
we have a society that's run amok with emotions are so many
emotions, everybody's triggered, everybody's angry all the time,
right? How many people are angry, and you're just like, like, what
it's so irrational, but they're in a heightened state of emotion,
because they haven't been taught that your emotions are, are, are
useful, but they're also dangerous if you if they're controlling you.
Right, you shouldn't let emotions control you. You shouldn't let
your appetites control you. The uncle has to, the reason has to be
governing. It's like the driver, you know, who's driving the
vehicle of your body. If you allow your, your base desires to drive
you, like so many people, you will find yourself harming yourself. So
when it comes to inappropriate behavior and modest behavior, that
is, it could be both it could be both the emotions, right? And the
appetites governing? And what does that do how many people have
gotten themselves in really horrible situations, because they
let their emotions lead or their desires lead. So you have unwanted
pregnancies, you have heartache. I mean, how many young people do
have we known in our life, who suffered immense heartache,
because their emotions lead them down a path to have a relationship
they weren't ready to have, right, that was not going to be something
long lasting. And we know from with girls, especially, we attach
more we get more, you know, connected. It's not just a
physical thing. So when we can approach these topics from this
type of lens that just speaks to human nature and the dangers of
human nature. When it's not, you know, given when we don't under
have these understandings clear, then the child can, you're
reaching their intellect, you know what I mean. And that's, I think,
a much better approach as a parent. I mean, I always try to
reach my children's intellect when I'm trying to teach them
something. Because if I'm speaking from emotion, and fear, and anger,
and a feeling of how could you betray me, that's not going to
reach them. Because remember, teens, and this is just FYI, we
all ensure, remember going through this ourselves, there is a point,
when adolescents, they switch their loyalty, their their loyalty
goes to their peer group, right? And parents have to kind of deal
with that, like, Wow, all my life, I've served you and taking care of
you. And now, just because your friend says something, you know,
my opinion doesn't matter. Yeah, it's natural, because why they
have to start to individuate from you. And in order for them to do
that, which is a natural, you know, occurrence in adolescence,
they have to start to form their own ideas independent of you. So
in fact, sometimes they will deliberately go against you
because you're, what you're saying doesn't fit, you know, what they
want to explore, or maybe what everybody else is doing peer
pressure, all that stuff is real. So just to, you know, because it's
a it's an impulse, they'll just go against you. Whereas if you try to
approach their intellect and really speak to them about what
would be the benefit of having a boyfriend like that's, that's a
kind of a again, a Socratic method of
inquiry? Like why would you want a boyfriend? 12 1314? What would be
the benefit? Help them to come to their own conclusions? Oh, you
know, it'd be nice to have someone blah, blah, blah. Okay, so what if
that boyfriend wants to pressure you into doing certain things that
you're not ready to do? How would you handle that situation? You
know, like, think let them explore the concept that they're kind of
grappling with in a way that is not just fear based, where it's
like, no, no, it's wrong. Don't even think about it, shut it down,
but actually help them to see that there's more harm in what they're
being, you know, drawn to.
Yeah, we keep Yeah, that's something that we have to be very
clear about, like Allah is so forgiving. And so Rahim that if
you're if that friend makes Toba inshallah they won't be punished,
but not to ever make the opposite statement that says, yes,
absolutely, they're going to help because you just don't know the
Toba of a person who can't, you know, especially in that age where
they're so fragile, and they're learning like adolescence is a
very complicated time. You know, I work with teens, I know what, you
know, from conversations I've had, it's just so difficult, we have to
be compassionate. But when they're asking questions like that,
they're literally it's a test, right? It's a test to see,
basically, are you going to,
you know, is there an unfortunately, if especially if
they're being influenced from other groups that tell them, we're
all inclusive and compassionate and love and there's nothing wrong
and you know, they may be looking to see if you're going to be
offering them something that doesn't quite fit that right. So
you want to be very careful not to fall into those types of,
you know, situations where you may inadvertently confirm something
that isn't really true. Because we can't judge anybody we can we can
say what's haram, and what's not permissible, we can never say that
a person will be punished, because we simply don't know. So when they
asked very direct questions like that, be very clear that nobody
can say if someone's going to be punished, you're not? Well, we can
tell you is it's displeasing to Allah. But if but Allah is also so
merciful, and if a person makes a sincere Toba inshallah it can be
wiped away, as if it never happened. And that's the kind of
compassion that you want to, you know, reach them with, but I
think, sorry, I give you a very long answer. But the reason why is
because these conversations can't be just had, like, quickly and
just, you know, tried to like, quickly resolve it, you have to
actually approach it in this way of, I need to reach the intellect
inside this teenager, because they are intellectual beings, right.
And they're being sold on an idea by the popular culture that tells
them, especially young girls, that your value is only good as far as
how sexually attractive you are, or what you can offer in that way.
So there's this hyper vigilance on, you know, being alluring and
seductive and attractive. We have to break down all of those
narratives for them and see, help them to see why they're so
destructive. And to look like for example, I mean, one of the things
I when I talk to teens, like I talk about, like who are your
favorite, you know, who are some favorite famous singers? Right?
And so they'll I mean, now I haven't met with them in a while,
but like conversations before would, they would mention certain
people like Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, right. Demi Lovato? These
are singers we all know. So then you say, what's their relationship
like history? Like? If you know anything about any of these three,
you know that they have a streak. They're like serial, you know, in
terms of their relationship history. It's known about them.
Right? But what are the majority of their songs
heartbreak and love? Are those authorities that you would want to
listen to when it comes to the realm of relationships, like
really think about it, if a person doesn't have a good track record,
in the art of love, right, and their every song is about being
miserable and being heartbroken and hating on their exes? Why are
we holding them up, and then aspiring to you know, looking at
them like, oh my god, they're so cool. They're so it's such a like
a psyops like a psychological thing that we're all being, you
know, tricked into thinking. But these are the types of
intellectual sort of approaches to conversations that we, if you have
with teens, especially as a parent, you're going to get garner
more respect from them, if you try to speak intellectually to them,
as opposed to being emotional, using threatening language, being
angry. Don't do that, please, because that's literally handing
them to their peer group and saying, shut down conversation
with mom and dad never approached him again. So creating those safe
spaces is let's talk. Let's unpack this. Let's think about this. And
then also there is a time as a parent, and I'm going to have to
do it too. I have a 13 year old now, where we have to
hand the baton off to a mentor, that we can enlist that will have
be able to have these conversations, I can't tell you
how many parents have come up to me and said, Oh my God, if you
said this to my child, you know, they would take it. But for me,
and it's true, I will literally say verbatim what their parents
have said, and they'll take it from me, but not their parents. So
that may be another easy approach is just to get a good mentor,
who's a few years older, to have these conversations with her, so
that she can see that this isn't just mom trying to clamp down and
control you. This is wisdom that will benefit you. Like when I
talked to teens, I talked about like, you know, or women in
general, like we should know about female sexual power, like it's
something that we should understand. Because when you
understand that, then you realize that it's a responsibility, it's a
it's a power that we've been given. And if you wield it,
without awareness of that power, then you you know, you cause a lot
of harm, but approaching topics like that, instead of just shaming
women and saying, Why are you wearing makeup? Why are you
dressed like that? doesn't go anywhere. It's just it's not a
helpful way to approach those topics. So I hope that was clear.
The now
any other questions ladies?
We are all
over
pretty much
say that
we are
right
now, everything you said was on point I think I would just I would
say part of what we have to remember as adults is that teen
culture is so different. Like for boys, for example, I'm sure if
anybody has sons, you know, like, in boy culture, there's so much
competition, right? They're really
trying to establish like, you know, kind of a an authority,
right? Like, who's going to be the alpha? Who's, who presents that
way. So there is a lot of competitiveness. So that's why you
see a lot of bullying and like kind of trash talking and boy
culture, right? With girls, it's also about there is a sort of a
sort of competitive edge, sometimes the impulse to want to
judge is very strong. And they're looking to judge so when you tell
them don't judge, it's kind of like, okay, because it makes them
feel good, better in themselves, when they can find something, you
know, to look at another person who maybe they feel threatened by
maybe that maybe there's a girl who's prettier who has something
to offer that I don't. But if I can find a reason to judge her,
Oh, look at her. She's not modest. Right? So this is all part of
again, the I mean, these are very, very spiritual realities that have
to be addressed when we talk about like diseases of the heart, like,
you know, that's why this, this text, I always say like this
should be done so much earlier than what we're offering. Now. We
approach us as adults, I think, like, seriously, Elementary is
where we should start. Because if a child understands, like, envy,
right, from a very young age, and you're constantly reinforcing
envy, then when they're in these, this age, where envy becomes very,
like prominent in their heart, because they're trying to figure
themselves out, and then they see others. And it's kind of like a
popularity thing. You know, like who's who's getting more
attention? Who all the adults like who the boys like, right? There's
too much of that pressure. But maybe if they've had this
education about, you know, what, this is all signs of envy, and you
have those stories or stories that we can share with them about, you
know, the dangers of being envious, like all of those things
can help them to navigate those, those experiences. But if we're
not sharing those things, you know, are just kind of trying to
approach it, like I said, from a very emotional place like, Oh, you
shouldn't do this, you should do that. Well, we say, I just feel
like the conversations have to be deep. And that's why when our
children enter the age of adolescence, we have to make time
for that. Like, don't wait for just problems to address them.
Take them out, like literally take your daughters and sons on dates.
Go to a restaurant, have a really like a nice drive and have really
deep conversations.
But then that is going to make a much more bigger impact than you
just waiting for them to come to you and complain to you about a
situation and then in the moment you give them a few words that is
not as the same, right? So I feel like making those, the time to
really have experiences with your children while you're infusing
these teachings is going to actually get through to them and
stick much better than just like I said, kind of giving a band aid
solution because you know, problem arises and I just want to parent
right now, that's the parenting hat, but we need to befriend our
adolescents and befriending them requires spending time with them
and having really deep conversations and appealing to
their intellect. Really important. But thank you for that.
I'm gonna wait yeah, okay, Michelle. All right. We have so
sorry, gone over time, so we'll end in Sharla Bismillah R Rahman r
Rahim Allah hacer inland Sana Santa Fe Casa de La La Nina and
Manu. Why middle Saudi Haiti with the USA will happy with the rest
of the Southern panicle who will be handed a shadow in La ilaha IL
and non stop for the governor to bootleg along with so there was no
more radical honesty than our Mo Leno. Have you been on Hamad?
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam wow that it was actually was an
understatement. cathedra and hamdulillah just like Moroccan and
everyone.
Thank you very much. Inshallah. We'll see you next week for I'm
sorry, not next week, next month, next month inshallah last Thursday
of every month. Alright, so now Monaco. Thank you. Thank you