Hosai Mojaddidi – Maryam (AS) A Woman Who Tasted the Sweetness of Faith
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AI: Transcript ©
From the Mercy of Allah. Now, there's a hadith, that competitive
narrative deposits and said, every newborn babies touched by Shavon
when it's boring, and the baby starts crying because of this
touch, except for many young men, her son, Thomas panda actually
protected her hurt in that state's Department. Now, imagine her
father actually passed away before she was even fourth. Somebody I'm
never knew her father. So her mother decided to send her to her
maternal. And so Hannah sister, who was married to Prophet deputy.
So basically, they took on the charges, and decided to raise her
in the service of the mess, she can't, and she becomes a student
of progressivity about profit, just right away, you can see some
of the openings.
Right? That she's now becoming a student of comfort.
So one of the requests or the one of the one of the blessings of
again, having being in his service was that she had access to the
masjid. And she was given a special chamber. That was entirely
hers. Okay. So she's included herself. And this is, you know, as
a very young girl, this is just what she did. She just had this
deep, profound love for us to splinters off of family and people
and she just devoted herself to worship of wholeness. What does
that really a narrates that there are many times when we would enter
her room SubhanAllah. After weeks days, she wouldn't step out. And
she never left her chambers and maybe sort of leave herself but
she was very, very devoted in her worship. And he would come into
her muscala. And he would find fruits that were out of season in
her room.
Right. So imagine it's summer, and there's winter fruits a lot in her
room, or expenditure, and there's summer fruits in her room. And so
you would ask her, where did you get these foods from? You never?
How did you even get them? Right? It's out of season. And her
response. She said,
he said to me away from wherever you bought this and she said, this
is from on, Verily Allah provide sustenance to those.
So Allah subhanaw taala would deliver to her beautiful fruits,
again, we're talking about those who are coming in story of
medieval knights. And the topic that I was given was to talk about
the sweetness of faith. So I thought the story really captured
that. And here's just one example. Again, the sweetness of faith and
fruits being delivered
to your room. And of course, a law is capable of all things. So she
SUPREME LAW spends her days and nights where she rarely sees
people and then all of a sudden, we know this part of the story,
right? One day, something strange happens to her someone she's never
seen before insurance, her room in the form of a man. This is angels
review, I said, and she's completely frightened and
terrified. This is a woman, a young girl, not even a woman who
did not meet with people, and to have suddenly a strange man in her
room. You can imagine how terrifying that was. For her day,
she warned him to fear a lot, thinking that he's there to hurt
her and he tells her mind only a messenger from your Lord to
provide you to give him a righteous son. So again, you know,
try and place yourself in her shoes for just a moment. Rewind
your brain 1000s of years back. Like she's so innocent, has no
concept of what is happening to her. And he's telling when she's
about to have a child. Any of us would have, you know, clearly a
breakdown or some type, but some time a lot in that moment. She
stunned and says and how can I have a son when you're in such me
and I do not commit? We get x and he responds that will be your Lord
says it's easy for me and we will make him assign to the people and
diversity from us. And it is a matter already decree. So
basically, almost pilot can do su wills. So she in that moment did
she pretest she breakdown she rather than hysterics. Her faith
is now being seriously tested. Right? Her family and Michelle
she's displayed her devotion clearly. She loves Allah
paradata he loves her in return is evidence. Now the test is coming.
So this is for us to surprise here for a moment, when we reflect on
the stories, whether it's the profits of these incredible
people that you know, the stories that we hear of other people as
well,
who are tested, despite their incredible faith, we have to then
come back and remember that yet that that is just the, you know,
the what happens on our people are tested, every single one of us
will face tests in this life. And it's just part of being here part
of this experience, because the video is designed to test us. So
we have this is from almost says, you know, do they say that they
believe and they don't expect to be tested. So he's telling us
right and in their expense tests. Right? This part of how is she
thought, of course, he will, you know, this is part of his tactic
to make you question, doubt, put doubt in yourself doubt in a love
that just fill you with all of these negative negative thoughts
when the tests come. But the response that you have, really is
where you prove your faith, how you respond to this. So
if you protest, why me, woe is me, or you reject it, and you are
angry, I actually heard this from a before where he expressed anger,
like, this is an injustice, I don't deserve this, I did
everything right. And as the hot up, you know, people get really,
really angry sometimes because they don't understand almost have
this decree. But again, if you have that concrete in your head,
you're very clear on that, that you will be tested with how you
respond is where you grew your faith, then it becomes clear that
accepting the Creoles
is the best choice instead of resisting, right. And that's
exactly what she did. So it's the kind of law as steady as she is.
She accepts her degree, to realize breathes in to her role. And she
comes.
She goes through all the horrible signs of pregnancy. And then the
rumors of course, the strike. People notice these things, right,
even though she was,
you know, in her chambers, when she did not leave you for
specific things, people notice she's growing, she's
experimenting, and cell phone while rumors began to spread. So
she decided that point, again, I want you to think about her age
and the incredible pressure she must have felt to protect her
reputation, right to protect the reputation of her families. She
makes this decision as a young girl who barely ventured out of
her chambers, let alone walked alone in the, you know, into the
streets of where she works, she made the decision to completely
leave. Right, so she leaves and runs away.
According to the fear, she ran away. And when she reached that
area between a sham in Egypt, she was overcome by Labor paints.
And another narration this took place eight miles from the Sacred
House of Jerusalem in a village in Bethlehem. So just you know if
you've ever been in these parts of the world that you can visualize
that. But she went really far from her
from her home from her chambers.
And she knew that she was going to be tested with the birth. She knew
people were not a sister who were already spreading rumors about
her, they would not believe her story. And, you know, especially
because she was known to be so developed, right? And now to
imagine that people are spreading rumors about her that she's a
foreign caterer, she's done this horrible deal. She just knew that
she couldn't depend on anything. She had to do this by herself. So
in her anguish and pain, and I'm just imagining these words coming
from her, she said wood that I had died before this and had been
forgotten and out of sight. So sometimes, you know, this, things
can get overwhelming for you, right? I mean, here's this little
girl, pretty much young girl going through such a deep tribulation.
And don't you know, people often get very
sanctimonious and self righteous when they judge people's pain and
rush and they don't realize that people process and cope
differently. And if you make a momentary statement out of pain,
or just, you know, it's overwhelming you don't let someone
shame you and make you feel like
I made a statement of cover and what's wrong with you. You see
people even after someone dies, a loved one, they're already being
policed about what they should should say,
This is wrong. And you have to stop that as a community and
realize that sometimes in the moment, because you will become so
overwhelmed, and they don't understand they made a statement
by the ocean, just die, you know, and that's not doesn't mean that
they're terrible people, and they all have faith, and they don't
have even a means not a moment, their heart is broken. And they
really don't understand and you should reach out with empathy and
love. And with compassion instead of judgments. Gender is very, very
ugly quality. And we, you know, unfortunately, though, it's just
very common that people will react that way. So here, we just look at
this example. She made a statement like that, because I was too
overwhelming for her.
Right, but she reviews, divining striper self Rolando, she is
hailed as one of the four perfect women.
So again, take comfort that these are human emotions, and we're
allowed to be human.
So
she finally is
and is incredibly weak. And all over again, imagine her situation.
She's under a tree. There's nobody. I mean, anybody, how many
students here have delivered a child? Right? How many have been
completely alone, delivering a child like nope, not a single
soul? I think so. The idea of going through something like that,
for the first time as a young, fragile age 10 is terrifying.
That's how a lot
you know, when you have almost a potluck on your side, you can get
through anything. And her story is a perfect example. So here, she's
under this tree or family, husband, no siblings, nobody holds
her hand to comfort her through what she's just been through.
So she, of course, is in this agonizing state, with some kind of
love her Lord was guiding her all along, the voice came down to her
in that state, do not grieve. Your Lord has provided very few there
was a stream, right for her to have fresh water and fold it and
shake toward you the trunk of the palm tree, it will draw upon you
right and fresh sheets. So this was called on to her. So eat and
drink and be contented. And if you see
these analyses, remember a direct order to her. If you see anybody,
any human being, say, indie I have valid to the most versatile,
abstention. So I will not speak to anybody.
So somehow the law does such a powerful thing. She's gone through
so much. She didn't feel like she could count on any human being.
And I was part of that because again, confirming you don't need
any of them. You don't need to talk to any of them.
Okay, I am with you.
The people actually went out
spreading, they're very concerned about what happened to her. She
just disappeared out of thin air. They went out to vote for her
people are asking other people along the way. If they saw her,
they actually found a shepherd. And he said that he didn't see her
but he saw something very strange that he'd never seen before. I
said he saw a bright lights and his cattle, all of them
did something that he hadn't seen before they prostrated in the
direction of where the light came from. So somehow on the witness
that all we said at that time
with his legs was shining so bright. So he pointed them in
Mary in the meantime, her gathered some strength and she decided at
that point to collect herself. She remember that she was ordered to
do do not talk to anybody. She collected herself. She gathered
her new infant
please, of course please
don't please. So haha, and she decided to head back.
So she now is walking back and she actually runs into the very group
that went out to look for her.
And they you know, surrounded her and now it's there until it is
your man as a young girl. You have this new Barbie and you cannot
tell
You've been ordered to silence. And they're all standing there.
What are you doing? You know, the shame that you brought a color
family, you know, like, accusing her of all of this, but how could
you do this? How could you do this to them? They treated us so well
he took you in when your father passed away, and she just has to
stand up. She's taking their abuses, taking their acquisitions
approach, she just didn't do it all by herself.
All she could do was communicate through sign language like, you
know, just trying to like, let them know, they're about battery.
And so suddenly,
she points to the right.
And they said, how can we like because she tried to tell them
like I'm talking to you.
Just wasn't any like, if you want answers, and then like, what, how
can we speak to this?
Young, maybe how can we speak to someone.
This is crazy, more, you know, acquisitions, more abuses are
launched. And then somehow, worse, we believe others capable of
anything. So he created that infant, Isa, sleeves and he
responds, indeed, I am the servant of all law. He has given me a
searcher and made me a Prophet. And he has made me blessed
wherever I am, and doesn't join the army prayer and so fat as long
as I remain alive, it made me dutiful to my mother, and he does
not make the Election tyrant and peace is army the day I was born
and the day I will die. And the day I pray. So I
really just imagine if
this is it. This is why I always say you don't need to defend
yourself. You don't need to speak to anybody. I will do that for
you. And of course, immediately, her honor was restored. And
everybody felt terrible. The accusations are false that they
thought of her and it was elevated her amongst and she had gone
somewhere peacefully with her son, she never married again to shame
team that title of the Virgin Mary, until she left this world.
There are so many incredible lessons from this story that we
can draw on first before we continue. Anybody have any
questions or comments to share?
Yes. So after the birth of the Santa Fe, she didn't undergo any
other
VR this all of your what happened to him was also a test for her as
a mother. Yes.
He was alive.
Yes. According to Yes.
Yes, I
talked about she was
that she actually
was a healer. And
mashallah, there might be different accounts of her history.
So much on scholarship at this beautiful. I'm sure it's true
Shama, but for the most part, it was in her again, countless just
note about her that she felt the majority of the majority of her
time she spent in her chambers
in devotion.
So, you know, the, the lessons are hard to pull from this because
there's so many actually proceed her story
in a sense that we looked at her other right, let's look to Hannah,
and the power of sincere God, because it's very natural. For
some of us who've been wanting or yearning for something. Maybe
you've been making off for weeks for months, maybe even years right
for a specific thing. And it enters our hearts like you know,
it was a lot of the same stuff a lot of people have these thoughts
to see here me. Am I there's something wrong with me? Am I not
worthy? Where do you think these types of thoughts come from? 100%
If you ever have a thought about software alone, that listening to
you really tear every piece that statement up, it's his last words,
right? Because almost nobody hears everything. He's had knowledge of
everything. So the idea that he doesn't listen to software the
last one or something is outside of our we don't believe in that.
He listens to everything. There's nothing that escapes his
knowledge. So write that in there. You have to first know that's what
says appreciate it.
But then even when he makes you doubt your self worth, because a
particular thought isn't being answered, I can't tell you how
many people I've talked to that immediately raced to that judgment
about themselves, that there's something wrong with me. Because
I'm not my answer. My God isn't the answer.
Supine a lot. You know, how many people in history? Or how many
stories? Have you heard of people who've been tested and tried by
something being withheld from them? Or a loss? Right? You never
does anything suffered more than he did. So suffering? Not, you
know, getting your dog answered, or not having, you know, this
happy, perfect, I don't even know, you know, what, what we think, you
know, sort of ideals we create about, about life here on Earth,
but like, those are not proofs of anybody's standing alone. If, in
fact, the opposite is true, that people who are closer to them are
tested.
So you have to reject those thoughts right away and say,
actually, if I'm being tested in sha Allah, this is a good sign.
I'm being purified, right? We all sin, we all are heedless, we all
do things that we shouldn't do. And so this dunya is
that we should, we should welcome being purified in this world, as
opposed to living it up and having, you know, thinking that
we're, everything's fine. And then someone showing up on the Day of
Judgment, full of surprises, I don't want to know, we don't want
to surprise somebody in judgment, right? We don't want to think that
oh, because I pray five times a day, and I've worked out and I
faster in Oman, and everything just seemed so perfect and good.
That you know, then you show up and stuff like that. The balance
is not in your favor. That's not we shouldn't want. So it should
look like no one. If these are happening to me in this world. And
even though they're difficult to bear, I have to be patient. How do
I just have to accept that this is a real true blessing for most.
And so that's the power of you know, again, sincere go out. And
she wanted a child for many, many years. And it took that one moment
where she, you know, saw this beautiful exchange and the mother
burning their check what she made that daughter, sometimes
they say, oh, and that will bring you to your knees. Right? Because
of that,
of your devotion in that moment. So if you're, if you're asking
like, you know, prepare your disciple, Allah give you this, and
it's kind of like a rush job.
You know, the Quality Matters sometimes. And so if you have a
need, that you've wanted fulfilled, for example, and you've
never once thought to make up for the hedges, but yet, you wonder,
why isn't it being answered, maybe that's the vehicle that you need
to take, that's the means with which the dog might be accepted.
Or set up, there's so many different ways that we can almost
like expedite, you know, our draw, right? And you have to look at
what those opportunities are fasting, giving, you know,
activity in the service of people feeding people who are hungry,
doing things like that are ways to inshallah increase the, the
chances of your dog being answered, sometimes you just say
God is asking for gifts and shoulders. Good enough, never
limit that. Take it to the next level, because it could just be
that one moment of absolute sincerity, where your heart is
broken, and you're crying, and you're just like y'all please, I
really need this, as opposed to, you know, just sort of casually
mentioning something. So think about that equality.
And then think also about what Hannah did when she received news
about her pregnancy. This is also another great lesson opportunity
for us that when we want something for like single sisters, for
example, are sisters who do want children, sisters who are married
and maybe they they're sad, they're having difficulty with
their spouses. When you're making the offer something if you're
stuck on just the material thing that you want. You're also
limiting the power to take your advice to the next level. Right?
So if you want to be married, don't want to be married just to
be coupled and have a fairytale life just so that you can buy a
house and have you know
with perfect wedding and all the things that people dream up about
marriage, we made the intention in that moment that I want to be
married so that I can have, you know, they can do incredible
things for y'all along with my partner, that my partner and I are
like, we're, you know, the next board members of MCC are like, you
know, doing amazing things for this community. We're out there
serving, you know, Southern Lee for kids Life Foundation, you're
helping orphans, but we're, there's much more meaning in our
union than just the material from a worldly aspect, right. Or if you
want a child the same way that made her, you know, she balance
was that she was going to raise her child in service of him. Take
that, you know, take your dog for a child's at that level. Like I
don't want to just childhood how to be getting co DS or s chakra
stroller, like pulling too close and taking pictures. Right? And
then you're not so good at
what you want this child for? Why? You know, in our cultures, I know
many of our cultures, it's like a numbers game with women, right?
You have one shot one shot, you have two wins, your next is never
enough.
For what purpose? You know, for what purpose? Do we bring children
into this world? This is a place of difficulty of challenge. If
it's selfish, things are so cute nowadays, ask Allah, whether we
carry by name, you know, it's like so limiting, so worldly. But how
about because I want them to be the next. You know, so I haven't
been
I want them to do amazing. Very, I want them to do amazing things.
These are the kinds of,
you know, intention, we should add for, for whatever we want in this
world, even for wealth.
You know, if you want wealth, have a good internship, but that
wealth, if you want success in your job and your work, whatever
it is that you want us to give you from the world, it's okay to ask.
But it beautifying the attention by attaching it to love for him as
well. It's not just whatever benefit you get. And this is what
we've learned from him this example.
She could have, you know, throw it right and write that in there, you
know, invite all her friends called, you know, this is how we
react to us. But she took a moment to really to feel the weight of
what happened to her, someone else had that opens doors for you. If
you're really engaged, if you just found that you're pregnant. If you
are falling in love in the moment right now with someone
to take a moment to really appreciate what's happening.
Take a moment to really pause and look at that blessing those type
of feelings even if you already have children.
Really, and how many times do we sit there and look at them. And
just today, for example, I
just happen to have that I was looking at my son, as he said,
strange. And he said, Why is this child like? Well, I said somehow,
like I sometimes look at you and I can't believe your son.
Because for so many years, I wanted a child and I didn't think
I've ever had it
for eight years, posted it and
I just accepted that.
And then all of a sudden gave me this child and now he's
10 years old. So I was just looking at it because I had that
moment like somehow what a gift. Right? How often do we do that for
what we have?
Not for what we want but for what we have. So we have to take those
moments where you really stop and even you know if you're married to
your husband and
all of your
shaving shirts all of
that is never close
yeah, they can drive us crazy. Crazy too, but it's important
to
share these
good work
but you know it's a
important to just stop and think past all of the things that annoy
you or bother you. And just look at this person and say Subhana wa
Shawlette, he works. And he's a good provider, because a good
father, and just say no.
Like, I was getting someone who comes home.
And he, if I call him and say, pick up this from the grocery
store, Sure, anything else you need, and he's very tired, and
half the time they're exhausted, but they're still like, pick up
things, right? And do things in sha Allah, or he comes in the
house. And he's, you know, at least a little helpful here. And
they're just thank God and be very grateful for that you have a warm
body, a companion, because there are a lot of people who want that.
They're really lonely, and they're isolated, and they have never felt
a loving touch before. So if you've had that in your life, make
sure to follow us upon the four. But we can do this for every
little thing, you know, and this is true gratitude is that you take
count all the blessings, and you really, really ponder where you
would be without those blessings. And that what it does is it
instantly
should restore
your connection homeless, because you realize that all along, he's
been he continues to give you every day,
every day we breathe with ease. I mean, just think about that. If
you've ever had a terrible chest cold or a sinus infection, how
miserable Are you right? Today, this fall, there's only going to
be once a year, a week or two. But for the rest of the year, you read
fine. There's so many things to be grateful for.
But when you reflect on, again, what you have, this is what it
does, it increases your love for him to pile up. Where would where
would we be without this? Where would we do that is compassion.
And all of us, even those who reject Him for denying that they
still have siblings at his mercy.
So this is
the most generous or
another thing to also remember is the power of the story for women
in general. Because Providence, certainly,
you know, he took married to his mother's care, but she had a
profound effect on him.
He's a prophet of Allah. Here, he sees this young girls. In her
devotion, it seems coming to her and he's just like, he was
incredibly impacted by her. So he actually in his old age, having no
children, because of seeing Mary's devotion, he turned to us and how
about and he said, My Lord D, my bones have weakened, and my
headedness filled with white and never have been in my supplication
to my Lord, I'm happy. And indeed, I fear the successes afternoon My
wife is embarrassed. So give me from yourself an heir, who will
inherit me and inherit from his family of Jacob, and make him my
word easy to you. This law of Zakah yet was the cause of Mary
saw an old man being impacted by young girls falling on girls in
here, don't let anybody ever limit you, or make you think that you
can't do as much as a mannequin. Right? This is a perfect example
of the impact that a young girl
unprofitable one. So he was thought of that again, do you we
give you good tidings of a boy who whose name will be John? Yeah, we
have not assigned to any before this thing. And he said, My Lord,
how will I have a boy with my wife has been barren, and I have
reached extreme old age and an angel. Thus it will be your Lord
says is easy for me. I've created you before, while you were
so far off. So again, reflecting that a prophet was impacted by a
girl. So these are all just good things to just take for as women,
that there's so many beautiful gems in our history, that really
again, show us how those elevated us and then we have to know these
stories we have to learn from other women and that's why my
Sharma has documented here and all of the
people who work with her these events I'm just here as a guest.
It's so important that we continue these
these lessons these classes. And we learned for you hear these
examples and we inspire each
other
and
also left on this
is
spots to be found?
Again, like, where do you get this and she just, this is from Allah.
Verily Allah provides assessments to whom he wills without limits.
So sometimes we impose limits on ourselves, but we have to really
have the best available. So he says, what? I'm in the opinion of
my servant. So if you think, Well, I was a pilot, and then anything's
possible those,
the more you have conviction in that, the more you will preview
it.
But if you doubt that, no, no, no, and you let those doubts enter.
That's what you're gonna see. You won't have confirmation or you'll
have that confirm for you. But you won't get get what you want.
Because you're filled with doubt. So. So here, we have to realize
it's really very much in our hands.
short one, any questions about that? This is from last. But it
comes in Sharla, maybe a cigar someone else? Maybe it's, you
know, this promise is true. When you go to difficulty. In
Charlotte, it's easy. Sometimes if you've endured a lot, and you
suffer, especially if you're in a press situation right now, don't
underestimate your dog. Right? There's not there's incredible
offensive power in the lobby of the press. So if you're in a
situation where you are not, you know, someone's taking your rights
from you, and you're feeling the effects of that don't limit your
thought just keep pushing wake up for the edge and ask us for that
turn to Him. And inshallah His promises true, you will be
relieved. But you know, we like I said, we have to believe in that.
Yeah, pain. worry if you have a lot, the one who will approve you,
right.
Any questions?
Oops, a few is left. The instructions. I'm out. We're gonna
go until eight o'clock. And then
there's a secret here. So I think those really want you guys to
attend that talk, Shama.
Any questions or comments?
Such a large group? No. Yes. Well, I was just gonna show off, you
know, I haven't tried this, everything. Sometimes I think it's
your job, you get shown what a lot feels in ways that you don't even
realize.
I remember that, like, two years ago, I was with someone who was my
closest friend. And I was with her as she was taking her last
breaths.
But it was watching that, and is sad. And, you know, as you know,
depressing, and mournful as it is, the thing that I learned was that
everything happens for a reason.
And then you get to see in the most elementary way, everything
Allah says is true, like, you see the last breaths you see, you
know, that it can, you know, death comes to all of us, because I just
talked to her, you know, it can come like a beast, it's just, you
know, for some people, it can be the worst of it, it can be like a
beast thing. And you see, when you see it, you know, it's was like,
for me personally, as difficult as it was, maybe a person, it's
still, it's still a blessing, because you get to be reminded
that, you know, we're all going to be there. Unless we pray to Allah
subhanaw taala, we do our best to follow what he's put us on as a
path. You know,
we have to set what we want the next life to be like, when
you're reflecting on death is definitely one of the most
rewarding things that sounds like dark because our society runs.
Like,
why would you do that? And so depressing. But actually, as you
said, when you actually reflect on that what it means death is a
process but what is the ultimate destination? Right, is that your
child step closer to us. But it makes you appreciate the value of
what time you have here, especially when you see someone
your own peer group, I'm assuming right, someone who's close to you
and age go now
little girl she was she was my adopted mom. And she had taken her
shahada at the age of 65. And then she thought at the age of 69, she
learned Arabic and probably prefer on
some.
So, I mean, the best thing that they came is that all the sisters
that came to the hospital because we, this is one of the few
chapters who actually know that death is coming. We knew we were
obviously a problem. So we knew it was coming. And we were able to
read so I guess, see for her, we were able to keep reminding her as
the breath, we're going to choose three breaths. We were reminding
her what to say when the angels come reminding her say Lila, it
was really as hard and difficult as the situation on the
cross. It was still a it was actually as morbid as this might
sound was someone who was actually a beautiful situation, because we
actually had the opportunity of helping somebody, take that next
step. And sometimes you just have to be envious of the fact that now
they get to see where they stand with us. I know it's unfortunate,
but it was just a sad yet amazing experience to be with someone. I
relate to that very much I lost my father three years ago, alone have
won all of us
because we can feel that I mean, it's just a very spiritual
experience to watch someone go, especially Nyan shallow on St.
Lucia. And they're finally free from those constraints of this
world. We live in this body that was you know, they were separate.
We just felt peace. It was incredibly peaceful for us. We
were setting
and I said and we just said how hard he walked in this year. It
was like some of euphoria that we think that we're crazy because
we're just like smiling and we had already cried. We cried for weeks
watching. suffer. It was a moment he says allow your pilot to
say
so
good