Hosai Mojaddidi – How to Model a Prophetic Family PreRamadan Community Parenting Forum
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He's not gonna hate him for coming on this blessitt Friday night.
They're gonna hate MCC for hosting this event. And for our beloved
sister, and sister, Jose, Jose for being here,
inshallah we're waiting for the decision he's going to join us. I
think the topic was changed from the parent.
Teens, to that was postponed to a few weeks from now, tonight was
more along the lines of the prophetic
household.
One of the things in the if especially people who are in
counseling,
that a lot of the parents they complain is they talk about their
children, because they don't know how to deal with them. And one of
the things that the children complain, they talk about their
parents because they don't know how to deal with them. So it's,
it's this dilemma, where we have a breakdown of communication. Now,
in Islam, the family doesn't start when you have kids. As a matter of
fact, the family starts when you're looking for a spouse. One
of the reason when you look at a woman as a man to get married you
like is she going to be a good mother? That's, that's one of the
main reason is she going to be a good mother for my children. And
that is essential within the Islamic tradition and has been
when somebody got wanted to marry. If a woman wants to marry a man,
they will say, would he be not just a good husband, but a good
father.
If the if the relationship starts like that, it's a good start and
it will have a good end. And whenever you have a good beginning
and have a good end, the middle is always good.
When we look at the prophets of Salaam and the Quranic principle
of a household of life, ALLAH SubhanA wa Italien SUTA call SUTA
wrong the European chapter of the Romans which really are the what
we call the European now we mean it and Haleakala Coleman and
physical as well as and later school LA, how was your Albania
from that? And what in the fidelity in the community for?
This is a beautiful verse? All of the verses are beautiful, but this
interesting thing in this verse, amongst the size of God is that He
has created mates for you, male, woman for men and men for women,
right? Lee, Tuscaloosa, la ha. Now there's a word here use the
Tuscaloosa dwell in tranquility. And lit. Tranquility is not
earthly.
Tranquility is not earthly is heavenly trials and tribulation is
earthly.
That's where we get a dunya Darryl Hammond Muhammad with Tila in with
fitna. This is one of the great
advice of the spiritual master that this world is a place of
fitna of civil strife and of trials enough tribulation of war
and of deception. This is what the dunya can give you. But what comes
from the heaven is tranquility. And this is why most of us when
you go to sleep, you're in a state of tranquility unless you get a
nightmare. It's just complete peace and ease. Right and a mama
Hidalgo Rahmatullah Ali said he said the first time a believer
experience real tranquility is in the grave is just complete peace
without any anxiety in any worries.
Where did this tranquility come from when Allah says little school
Elena, right? That go live it with this tranquility and stickiness?
While the ISM McCann the place for this is called an Arabic school
Muskaan Muscat is where Sakina comes so everything has a place so
if you have a cup, you have a saucer. You put the cup on it
right? If everything has a place, we have a rack there where the
shoes go in there so that's a rack and you put your shoes there. So
where does Sakina comes to? It comes only in a place
called Mosca. That is a mechanic for the place Sakina comes down to
in Muskan is your home.
That's if you have a functional home. If we build our house that
is functional, then you experience that security that tranquility in
your house. But if that house, there is no Sakeena because it is
not prepared for this
I'm sick enough to come down, because you come to the masjid.
You have your shoes in your hand and there's no shoe rack, you
don't know what to put in.
So Sakina comes down and looking for this Muskan that is pure, so
it can come down to if he sees it, it will come down to that house.
And that's the house where we call the abode of happiness. That's
what happiness it comes down when they're sick in that household.
Then Allah says, Would you Allah Boehner, Comala Allah says, in
this household, if you build a functional household, and my sick
Kena comes into that house, by the nature of that Sakina love and
mercy will enter your hearts, the husband and wife and from that
loving mercy that it comes from Allah in a house that is built
with six kina those are you get children that are what that are
beautiful. And that's why when Imam Ali asked the Prophet SAW
Salem, I want to name my son, my son, his firstborn son from from
Bibi Fatima and he said, What do you want to name him and he wanted
to name him water. How do Arabs you know, they had the lot you
know, tough names like Hamza lion. You know, he said war because he
wanted to be a warrior. You know, the order of chivalry,
unfortunately, is lost now.
But the Prophet SAW Selim said, No, his name
is Hassan.
So he named Hasson he named Hussein in in in most of the three
child mosques and died at a young age. So that those are the name
that the prophets of salaam gave because they came from a household
that was filled with tranquility, with love, and with mercy. The
output of that was completely just beauty and axon. And that's why
you have Hassan and Hussein the two Shabbat, and agenda. These are
the two superstars of paradise. Just like in the dunya, you have
superstar and paradise you have superstar too. But the superstars
of paradise are Hassan and Hussein. Why? Because they came
from these two people that build a functional household. And then the
love that came from Allah in mercy that came from Allah into their
hearts. And that's the functional household. Now.
How do we know if our houses dysfunctional? You know, I'm a
sucker. Rahim. Allah is a beautiful man down down south in
LA. And he did a lot of dollar work in the 80s. I remember having
pretty much all his books, and he would release a book every three
months. But it was just things that we needed at that time.
Beautiful Man. And one of the things that he did, he wrote a
poem. I don't know if you guys remember, we wouldn't call it what
if the prophets of salaam visit your house.
And when I read that poem, isolated by myself, and I was I
was in Hayward, when I read that poem, that I do a house cleaning.
And his he was we have he said, so what is the process of walks into
your house? What would you hide? What did you want him to see?
Would there be magazine that you will? Oh my god, please, please
probably don't look at those magazines. Would there be things
in there? Would there be frames in your room? That was what is who's
that man? And who is that girl? Like why you have these idols on
your, on your walls? So it was
what I appreciated from that poem was it was real. It actually
talked to me as a young man. And I did a housecleaning, and I think
that that's where a lot of the people when we are struggling with
these things, we don't know the source is the house. That's where
the sources
that you have to now take it back to the original source. So that's
the source of the dunya. But the original home is the heart of the
human being.
And that's what everything starts. We have to change our hearts. We
have to purify our hearts. We have to wash our hearts in these cliche
in everything rust, the promise of the subject, and they said
everything. What about the heart? Is it even the heart of the human
being rust, like the iron that rust? And
one of the great scholars said yeah, how are you? Yeah, can you
is one of the beautiful zikr
That removes the rust from the heart of the human being to
through thicker you remove those rust this this a lot of people in
this country they said what are you in pursuit of the pursuit of
happiness. This is everybody wants to achieve happiness This is
Aristotle's the, the, you know, he and his Nicomachean Ethics. We are
all in pursuit of happiness. Everybody wants to be happy. The
reason why we work so hard that we will want to get educated, we get
married, all that if you ask at the end, what do you want to do in
your life? You want to be happy. We want to money because we want
to be happy. We want family because we want to be happy. We
want friends. Everything is in pursuit of happiness. But Molana
Jalaluddin Rumi said something really amazing. He said, It's not
that hard to pursue happiness and become happy. He said, What is
hard is for you to become happiness, that you are happiness.
Wherever you go. Any house you enter that house you turn it into
a house of happiness in this is why because there were so many
people around him they would go ask for counselors were so
depressed Malala how is it that you're so happy? How is it that
you're always so happy? He said honey show these Dylan was Senate
orange economy. He said I'm happy because I turn my heart into an
abode of happiness. And I stayed away from everything that is
depressing in the world. Hardship all am Tiruchi do Namo bizzarro
Mizzou I don't deal with things that are better. I don't deal with
depression and sadness, because I am happiness. And that is
contagious. That whatever you go
if we walk into a funeral, automatically you start crying.
Sometimes you cry, you don't even know who died.
I even know people go in with their friends. I don't even know
the person. I just came with a friend. And then he shed tears
because everyone is weeping because it's contagious.
Depression is contagious. DeLillo tocolytic battle morality. What
the leader wash. I think it also kibble Musto he she, this is, if
not Allah secondary, because they asked him so why do people feel
depressed? Why do people feel lonely? You know, he said, the
reason why you're depressed because you're hanging out with
depressed people. And that's the nature of this world. If you you
know, if you hang around with people who make money, you learn
how to make money, you be good at it. If you hang around the
mechanics, you will learn how to fix cars. If you hang around, you
know, the Persian they have a proverb, they said Bomani, shinny,
Moshe Bodek Nishan is Yoshi if you said what else you become one of
us, right? But if he said like with, with the people there, there
used to be these people who mostly get the pots because it's a cook
on fire. And they used to get all black underneath the pots and they
used to come these people used to clean it and make it bright again,
is it if you said with the people who clean those pots, you're gonna
have some stain on your clothes, it's gonna get it dirty. And
that's the nature of the companionship, who are your
companion, so the household, the human heart, and then the
companionship that you keep? Those are the three elements
that you can be on the prophetic path. Or people can be on the path
of shaytaan or on the path of who you know, a man who allergenic led
the process Salam said a person is on the religion of his friends.
And if you think that your friends don't have
effect on you, they're not going to influence you. You're just
fooling yourself. You're not fooling anybody, you're just
fooling yourself. I'm telling you,
because this is the nature of friends that they will influence
their friends. And
I did give a quick bit here on on the on friendship few months ago,
but you're the bad but pterygoid has more about the one of the best
advice ever given about friendship, and is in the new G
stallion with the island that a bad friend
is worse than a poisonous snake. Because a poisonous snakes only
hurts your body. But a bad friend hurts your body in your faith.
That's the nature of bad friends. So keeping the companionship that
are beautiful that are, you know, this prophetic household that
you're trying to build. It requires us to change our hearts
to purify our hearts. First and foremost, then
And to build that house, a household where Sakina comes in
tranquility comes in and is filled with beauty. And then in our
social life, we keep the company of the people who are beautiful
and they can only like, you know,
if you sit with a perfume seller, the least you will go home with is
a good scent. Even if you don't buy anything, because this is the
nature of perfumes ever you go home, you just smell good. Just
like when you go to Shalimar you go home, right. The chicken tikka
masala smell right. So that's the that's the nature of friendship
and companionship. So, inshallah with that we'll open it to
discussion, and we'll let assessor Jose take over.
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam
ala Shiva MBI even more serene? Say that our Mala and where have
you been Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam while he was
suffering from the Sleeman Kathira Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi
Wabarakatuh
Alhamdulillah, just like on welfare and see the reason for
that beautiful talk, mashallah had so many gems, some of the things
that really stood out are the three focuses that you had, in
terms of really modeling our homes to the prophetic model are trying
our best to model our homes to the prophetic standard. So you know,
maintaining or looking at that the home and doing the house cleaning,
as you said, of the home, the cleaning of the heart, and then
the cleaning of our sofa, our companions.
But the point that you made about happiness and becoming happiness,
actually wanted to kind of speak about that for just a moment
because even Michelle had been I when we were just speaking
earlier, we were talking about perspective, right? The
perspective that we have in life really does shape our experience,
and inshallah she'll speak more on that point. But one of my favorite
hadith of course, is the Hadith. Let's see, ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada
says, an IND, then the IDB. And I love this hadith, because it's
very empowering. What Allah is telling us is, again, what you
think of him right? And and that extends to your circumstance, he
will of course affirm. So if you have a positive outlook, and you
accept that, whatever you're going through, whether it's a
tribulation, whether it's hired blessing, whatever it is, that it
because it's from Allah subhanho wa taala, that there's meaning
behind it, that there's a purpose behind it. And you don't let your
perspective turn from Allah, right, because this is the nature
of the dunya when we don't have the right understanding of why
we're in certain circumstances, we then are left to the whisperings
of shaitan, the external, right, evil that is outside of us, but
also our own knifes which will start to whine and complain and
you just become very, Neff, see, you know, in your understanding,
you're not thinking of the greater wisdom of why you may be going
through something. So having that mind shift is really important.
And that's why, again, when we look at this idea of how do we
establish a prophetic household, another Hadith that is really
important for all of us to, to learn and to under and to
internalize is the Hadith at Aquila Cumbre, and Wakulla Kama
Sutra and Andhra Yachty. Indeed, all of you are a shepherd. And
each of you is responsible for your flock. And this is another
empowering Hadith because what is Allah's brothers telling us, he's
saying that he has given all of us leadership roles, and that
includes men, of course, women, as well as children, believe it or
not, yes, even you have leadership roles, you have expectations, that
from you, within your household. And so defining those roles
becomes now the next part of how we can bring some balance into our
homes, right, because leadership, of course requires to know what
your role is. So if you know that you're a leader, because Allah has
appointed you a leader, he has told us that men are leaders over
there, in their in their households over their families,
and their responsibilities to maintain the their families and
then for women, their leadership role is to maintain their children
in their household. And then of course, for children. It's to help
in the household and to take some of those burdens from their
parents and to be a part of the household. So immediately, you set
the tone of what two things respect, right? Respect is
soulless.
Essential in a household, in order for a household to have balance
and to have peace, we have to have respect. And if we see each other
all of if everyone sees one another as a leader, and they see
that they have an important role to play in the household, then
naturally, you will bring respect into the conversation into the way
you treat one another. So respect is essential. And the other really
important quality is empathy. If we don't have either of these two
qualities in our homes, which all of which we learned from the
prophets of Allah hive seven, you will not find a single example of
the prophesy seven ever, of course, because he had the best of
character of ever speaking to anyone, without respect, even
those who wished harm on him Subhanallah he had, because why,
as as the saying of Sedna, Isa, a vessel only pours out what it
contains, he was incapable of putting out anything other than
respect, because he that he was pure. And so if we understand
that, then we look to ourselves and hold ourselves accountable. So
you will not find any example of him ever speaking to a child, or a
person of a different background, doesn't matter in a way where he
put himself above them, never even though he was the best of
creation, the most Beloved of Allah subhanaw taala. And if
anybody had that, you know, if anybody could have done that, it
should have been him, right. But he didn't do it. Why? Because he
knew he was who he was with Allah. And he didn't need to do that. And
he also he's modeling for us that if you want to have the households
that are peaceful, you don't need to come you don't need to you
don't need to demand respect. You don't need to raise your voice,
you don't need to, you know, lead with, with an iron fist, and
threaten and use charged language, you don't need to do that. If you
are respectful,
right? People will listen to you. So really watching the way that we
talk to one another. And this is an every direction, from parent to
child, to spouse to spouse, every direction, we need to restore
respect in our homes. And we also need to restore empathy. And this
is really important, especially as I see so many teens here. You
know, earlier today, I was with a group of teens, and I did a
icebreaker with them. I was getting to know them. So I asked
them. Tell me your name. Tell me your what's your favorite day of
the week? And why? And then tell me what's your happy place?
And subhanAllah? The answer is really touched my heart. favorite
day of the week. What do you guys guess? Knowing teens? What do you
think it's gonna be?
By Friday, Saturday, Sunday, pretty predictable. Saturday and
Sunday, the majority with the exception of two people who said I
think, Monday and Wednesday, and we want three people Monday,
Wednesday and Tuesday for very different reasons. Everyone else
said Saturday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. What do you think the
reason why they love those days? Yes.
There's no school, that was part of it. But there was another
really beautiful reason.
They get to stay home a few reasons were given one, it's time
with family, which is really beautiful to hear. To they get to
sleep in.
Okay, why do I mention this? Because I wasn't surprised. This
is something that I have heard repeatedly for years, from
teenagers who are going through one of the hardest phases of life,
that they feel that sleep, which is a human need. It's everybody
needs rest, right? Is something that they don't get enough of. And
if they speak up, they're not respected. That that is not seen
as an important need. And I think it's it's it's really we have to
look, look to ourselves and really understand when a child, you know,
who again is growing development they're developing, their brains
are developing, just like an infant, you wouldn't wake up an
infant right from sleep, you know that an infant or a toddler, they
need their sleep, you let them have their naps when they wake up
their wake up. But how many of us in our households don't have the
basic empathy, to respect this very basic human need and basic by
in the sense of, if you look at Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this
is on the bottom tier, right? We need food, we need water, we need
air, we need rest, we need sleep. So if a child is coming to their
parent and saying I don't want to go to so and so I don't want to do
this because I'm really tired. Can I please sleep? And the parent is
no, you have to go get up right now. And then knocking on the door
and waking them up and being you know, irritated. Why? Because I
have a schedule. I have something that I need to get done. Get up
and do it right now. Right this minute. What do you think is going
to it's a breakdown immediately of respect
empathy. There's no respect that child has a need. And I say this
because again, I want to advocate for our youth, sometimes these
very basic things, they feel like no one's understanding them. And
if you think about, although it seems like, Okay, why is that a
big deal, but just sleep not affect everything? Right? How many
of us when we don't get enough sleep, are not very pleasant to be
around? Right? So when I hear the parents telling me about their
teens, who are having an attitude problem, who are grumpy, who don't
want to talk to them, who don't want to sit and you know, have
dinner with the family, or who just they can't figure out, I have
to point them to these very basic things. Are they resting? Are they
getting enough rest?
Oh, yeah, here and there. And you know, then then you start like
questioning and you realize, if you made these little simple
adjustments, of fulfilling each other's basic needs, what do you
need? Do you are you okay, checking in with them? are you
resting? Do you need anything or anything else? Because there's a
lot of things that are going on, you know, on both sides. And this
goes both ways. By the way, parents obviously have needs to
they may be tired and exhausted as well. But they don't think that
you can help them. But what would you do with teenagers? I mean, how
do you think your parents would respond, if you went up to them
after they just cooked dinner or came home from a long day's work
your father, when he enters the household, and you empathize,
empathize, realizing that he was out all day long, and a long
commute, we live in an area where there's usually long commutes for
a lot of our parents. So you have the you know, the the fatigue of
just being out all day. And then on top of that, that, and then you
have to come home and get dinner ready help with homework? How do
you think your parents would feel if you just went up to them and
said, Hey, Dad, are you okay? Can I get you anything? Or Mom, can I
help you with anything? Do you need like a shoulder rub? Maybe I
can give you a shoulder of after dinner? How do you think they
would feel? Suddenly, they feel seen, suddenly they feel
appreciated? Suddenly they feel validated. Those exchanges, as
simple as they seem, can do incredible wonders to repair some
of the breakdown that we have in our households. Because again, we
live in a time where everybody's, you know, just doing their own
thing. Kids have their homework, they have their sports, they have
their routines, their clubs, parents are at work, they have to
go shop, they have this and that to do and nobody's really seeing
each other. Nobody's really stopping and appreciating one
another. And then offering these two things that we are taught in
our dean, from the very beginning, if you're, you know, looking at
any part of our faith, you will find these themes of how we speak
to one another should always be with love malenda With respect,
right? With empathy with compassion, you will find it
throughout the Quran throughout the Hadith. But if we don't have
that in our own households, then are we surprised when we find a
breakdown in communication? Should we be surprised? Of course not. So
really essential that we first and foremost understand our roles that
each of us have leadership qualities, all of us and that
should
command right respect from others, as well as that we give back right
respect to everyone in the household and then that we also
empathize. Inshallah, there's a lot more to say. But I would like
to now invite SR hubba. Because, mashallah, I'd love to hear from
you about the point that we were speaking about earlier in terms of
how can we change our perspective for it? How can we have the shift
in understanding this?
On a Saturday, Sunday, Sunday on the Sunday of Tony Stark, sorry.
Does that mean located on CD 50 and doing the end, Jose for your
very pertinent points?
I'd like to add another layer on to the incredible points that were
mentioned.
And this comes from a place of many conversations that I've had
with teenagers and adolescents and young adults over the past, I
would say seven years.
What one thing that I would say that having a tranquil and serene
home comes down to is having emotionally regulated parents.
And this is a very large area that, you know, parents from the
previous generation didn't have the luxury of really investing in.
And this is a conversation that I have with many adolescents is
providing the perspective of the parent
To is coming to the United States from another country, not speaking
the language of this country. And there are many unknowns of being
in this country.
And of course, naturally, all of this change comes with a lot of
stress, right, and a lot of anxiety and a lot of turbulence, I
guess you could say.
And so navigating all of these changes and trying to make them
home for their, for the family, right, the mother and the father
coming together and trying to make home for the family, while also
trying to maintain balance and stability within their marriage,
which is a whole other thing, right on on its own. And then
trying to parent children in a country that you're not very
familiar with, and that you're not necessarily aligned with the
values within the culture of this country.
In some sense, and when I speak about values, I'm really speaking
about moral standards, right morality.
Dr. Russell Barkley is a well known, he's a renowned researcher
on on ADHD.
There are many theories about ADHD that I'm not even going to get
into because there are way too many factors to consider. But he
states that
a really big problem with parenting and raising children in
order to have a tranquil home that starts with being a couple, and
then it transcends into
a home that has children, perhaps, but now, not every couple will
have children. That's another thing to consider is he talks
about this concept of parents being shepherds and not engineers.
And where we go wrong as parents is when we try to play the role of
engineers. And we don't realize that we are just shepherds.
And this is very critical to understand. Because all that we
can do as parents is provide the pasture within which our children
will graze.
Essentially,
we get to decide how we live our lives, we get to decide where we
go, who to let into our homes, which is the sacred space, we get
to decide how we talk to one another, and how we engage with
each other. We get to decide how we regulate ourselves as parents,
because emotions are at times we call for children, we call them
big feelings. But guess what, adults also have big feelings, and
adults also have tantrums. And sometimes those tantrums are very
ugly. If the parent never learned, through modeling from their own
parents, how to regulate their own selves, and how to remain calm,
and how to remain composed, and how to not take out my
frustrations, my stress, my worries, the things that I'm
concerned about, on my children, because someone within that family
has to be the adult.
But what happens is a lot of the adolescents that you'll meet, have
become parental my children,
they are the ones who feel like they are running the household.
Because the parent is not acting like an adult. In the sense of
emotional regulation, they don't know how to fully regulate their
nervous system. Right? Because there's the mind and then there's
the nervous system.
And if there's been a lot of pain that an adult has gone through,
that is as a result of up to that as a result of like CD fatty doing
was saying trials and hardships and difficulties. But you never
really processed those events that have happened to you, you don't
really know how to make sense of them.
You don't know why, you know, Allah has decreed this for you.
Right? And you may never know, that's not our job to understand
or negotiate, right, the terms of our existence. We didn't create
ourselves, but people need to make meaning out of what happens to
them.
Narrative development is a huge aspect of what I do. Helping
people come to terms with the pain that they have experienced. And a
lot of the time, it's pain that they have experienced at home,
not from strangers outside of their family. It's pain that they
have experienced as a result of not being seen. Like sisters I was
saying, not not being heard their needs are not being met.
Because also I think the parents love their children. However, they
don't know how to express that love in a way that is perhaps
healthy, because they never learned how to honor their own
needs.
So here's the parent, you know, stressed out
under a lot of pressure, you know, having to meet a lot of demands.
And on top of that, I have to maintain a relationship with my
spouse. And then on top of that, I have to take care of these
children and make sure they're fed, taken care of nurtured.
Everything else is is is, you know, provided for them.
And something's got to give, because that is a lot of pressure.
And here in the US, we don't necessarily always have a village.
Right, unless you create a village for yourself and your family. And
Dr. oleonard, Sachs, talks about this in his books. And I really
encourage every parent to read his books, because he has, his values
are very aligned with our values. And he talks about that you create
a bubble, literally a bubble for you and your family,
in which you raise your children, if you have children, you raise
your children together. Because we have similar values. And if my
child goes out of line,
my child may not necessarily want to listen to me as a parent, but
maybe my friend who's a family friend can step in and have a
relationship with the child and advise the child lovingly.
However, there has to be a receptivity, right for that
advice.
So having this conception in our minds of how to be parents, and
what it means to be parents.
Just like every prophet was a shepherd first, before prophecy,
because a lot of things happen when you're a shepherd.
Your flock isn't necessarily going to want to listen and abide by
your instructions. However, you have to learn how to be gentle.
You have to learn patience. And when we talk about SUBUD, we think
that Sabetta means just patience. But actually, it's a compounded
word. That means a lot of different things.
It means endurance, it means perseverance. It means
steadfastness, right, amongst several other things. And when you
bring all of those together patients is just one portion of
what southern means. But you learn so bad. And essentially, what
you're actually learning is how to regulate yourself when things
don't go my way.
Because they are individuals of their own,
I can't control them, my job is not to control them. Whenever
there is control or coercion, you're going to find them going in
the opposite direction.
So a lot of people will say I don't want to be at home,
I would rather actually be somewhere else. And that is the
most heartbreaking thing is because we want our children to be
at home with us. We want them to listen to our stories, our
narratives, we don't want other narratives, infiltrating their
minds, because one of the main things that I research is post
modernism.
This is what my dissertation is on, and how it leads to work
towards states of fragility and not resilience.
And there are
many traces of post modernism everywhere around us, right? And
post modernism, if you'd like to have an idea of what it is
Foucault, right? Who is a French theorist, if you want to call him
that, one of his statements is that he says, you know,
my job is not to be right or wrong. I'm not concerned with
being right or wrong. So there is no criterion. But my job is to be
interesting.
So as human beings, we just need to be interesting. But we're not
concerned with being right or wrong. And we're not concerned
with authority. So religion, leaders, we're not concerned with
them, right? And what they have to say. So overthrowing overthrowing
the patriarchy, right, dismantling all of the dominant discourse that
exists in our society, that serve as anchors, right, that relate to
gender that relate to how you feel about things and how you view the
world. It dismantles all of that.
So what you're actually doing is I'm removing all of the anchors
for our teenagers. And this becomes an extremely dangerous
playing field.
And then the parents come in, and the parents are trying to control
they're not realizing that I just need to be a shepherd and provide
the pasture and control the environment. But let them be who
they are, honor who they are, who Allah subhanaw taala has created
them to be instead of constantly trying to change them by
projecting my own needs onto the child and wanting them to be
something other than what what they are, what they're meant to
be.
Now there's a research
study done by a fellow ant eater UCI ant eater
that I went to UCI with off Mendel murgee, Dr. Rothman now, and he
led a research study for European Institute that talks about why
adolescents are leaving Islam.
And the main thing that he talked about were, that there are soft
doubts and there are hard doubts.
Everyone has soft doubts, at some point in your life, you've doubted
things about about the faith, and you've gotten responses for them.
That made sense to you, that infused you with a sense of
purpose and meaning
that kept you steadfast. That was your why you understand your why
you're connected to know why you do what you do.
However, with post modernism, and modernity in general,
you're not really connected to your why you actually don't know
why you're doing why you're praying, a lot of people tell me,
well, it doesn't, I don't really feel anything.
Right? Same thing with fasting, they don't understand the purpose
behind it.
So in addition to understanding this concept, that we as parents
are shepherds, another thing that we have to understand is that
societal, the current of society is based on this notion that it's
short term gain, right, and long term loss, but what we focus on as
a society is short term gain. So whatever feels good, do it.
Right, whatever impulses you feel act upon them be who you are you
do you all of these different messages that are all over social
media, and this is exactly what is entering their mind, and starting
to mess with their thoughts. Right? Well, maybe I just need to
be who I am. So if I'm having certain feelings, I should just
listen to those feelings without understanding them. So Shavon and
NAFSA ramen and the role that both play in dictating, you know, the
direction that you take in life.
So really understanding this, this concept that parents are
shepherds, emotional regulation, right, we have to be able to
regulate our own emotions. And this is something that's very
often done in counseling, right, psycho spiritual counseling, not
talking about secular counseling, which can be very different. And
something that if I'm composed, and I can control myself, I am
modeling for my child how to control themselves in the tidal
waves of life when they hit, because they will hit It's
inevitable.
That but if they viewed me and learned from me through
observational learning, like Albert Bandura, talks about, he
talks about observational learning children learn by watching you,
for the first decade of their life, all they really have is you,
they have no choice. So if all they're seeing is a dysregulated
nervous system, and adults who when they get upset, they yell at
them, it forced them to do things they don't want to do, and they're
not being heard.
So like, as I was saying, they also are leaders in a sense, we
have to listen to them. But we're shepherds, we are guiding them,
I'm providing the lanes on the road, so that they don't swerve in
the wrong direction and go too far. That will lead them astray.
I'm there to like, nurture them back and bring them back lovingly.
Right? Because I'm able to, again, stay composed.
And I'm aligned with my values and my principles, I act from a place
of principle, not based on how I feel, and what I want to do or not
do.
So I think this is this is really key in in just keeping in mind
that our faith is about long term game.
And perhaps in this dunya short term loss.
And we have to be able to explain this, you're gonna you're gonna
perceiving the lose some things.
You might you might lose some fun, you might lose some opportunities,
but were they actually beneficial opportunities in the long term.
You may lose some popularity and fame. You may not be in the
spotlight, but that's not what we desire anyways. Right? Because if
we're people of principle, it's about what Allah thinks of us. And
where my standing is with Allah subhanaw taala in the effort, and
this is exactly what I'm talking about is installing this mindset
into your family's minds. It's like a filtration system, to seek
out long term gain with Ramadan coming, teaching your child
everything that you're going to gain at the end of this month,
experientially and having many conversations with them about what
it is that they're gaining.
This is connecting them to their Wi Fi.
And with that, I will stop here so that we can hear from
them
a sound like everyone hear me. I was invited here to be on the
parents panel. So I'll talk a little bit about parenting. It's
nice to see these kids here. I know many of you, amen. saw
Michael Hayden, I remember being your age. And that's where I'll
start. I remember
thinking about Christmas, and how exciting it was because I didn't
have a lot of Muslim family around me.
And, you know, spent 25 years in corporate America. And one thing I
noticed is that every the week of Thanksgiving, things kind of
change. Nobody can put their finger on it. But in the office
environment and things kind of change, all the stressed out
people is kind of chill out.
And then they start thinking about family health, think about their
bonuses, they're worried about their bonus, because I've spent
money that comes later in the year after Christmas. And I just and I
watched them, you know, because I didn't really feel a lot of things
about Ramadan. I didn't have any feelings in my heart.
It's kind of dead. My teachers would talk about looking forward
to Ramadan. And I'll be like,
Why is my heart NOT? NOT connected. But I feel people
around me feel freer for Christmas. So I felt like I'm
neither here nor there. I don't belong here. I don't belong there.
I don't feel it for Christmas. But I can observe them. Like I can
observe a bunch of, you know, like a society like anthropologists
kind of observing them. And one thing I realized what they do is
they number one, they slow down. I really slow down.
You know, the thing that's has to be like really urgently done, it
doesn't get done. It's okay. It's alright. They're kind of chill.
It's almost like your parent is like, Man, I know, he's gonna get
mad at me. But wow, he's kind of chilled today. I got away with
one. You know, the boss is kind of like that. Number two, the kind of
brief. They take a long term look, they don't, they're not going to
hire an interviewer and do those things in December. It's like now
December is not for that. We're gonna worry about that at the end
of the year. It kind of chill out.
What else do they do? They? They listen more. They listen to each
other. Instead of just work. It's about family. Hey, how are your
kids doing? Where are you going on vacation? Where are you going to
spend Christmas to kind of listen, because they're, they're
interested in something else. Right? All of a sudden, they're
interested in something else. And then what they do is they
they sort of enjoy each other. They're really listening. You
know, it's not like, Hey, Bob, how you kids are on the other end.
Your half sentence? Hey, my kids. Oh, okay. Bye. See ya. He just
gets off the elevator and leaves. They actually enjoy each other's
words. They enjoy each other's companies. Another thing is they
feel a sense of love. They feel a sense of love for humanity. And
because I'm the person that's in the office, and I see them every
day, you know, they kind of feel like they have a little more love
for me.
So it's kind of interesting, right? So if you're not connected
to their society, you can definitely feel a change. So what
I did was wonder why that change didn't happen. My heart. I
remember when I was 12 years old. I was amens Ah, are you 1211 1312
Star Wars came out.
That was cool, right? I didn't know how good Star Wars would be.
But then I remember when the second one came out. Number five,
right? They called number five now. Empire Strikes Back, man, I
was excited. But what's wrong with me? I don't look forward to
Ramadan like that.
What's wrong?
You know, I wondered. I wondered, because people didn't talk to me
about what's the SR have I said, people didn't talk about the why
they talk to
do this do that. But not the why. So leaving Islam becomes a huge
door just becomes a huge door. And it's sad because you have to do
Towba for your days. So
it's hard being a parent. Now, but I look back to myself. It was
always hard. 12 was hard. 15 was hard. 17 was hard. So my advice to
parents is don't fall asleep on how hard it is to be a kid. When
you come home.
Because you're humbler you're here. You're Muslim. If you're
listening
into the live stream. You're a Muslim on the law. But are you
sure your kids are going to be a Muslim? Are you sure they're going
to enjoy Ramadan? Are you sure they're going to care?
I remember thinking I'm more excited about the kickoff to the
football season than I am about Ramadan.
I'm not happy to say that. But it actually happened to me a lot.
I can't remember the score of the first game. It's just silly. It's
dumb. But I'm looking forward. So forward to that moment of the
year. Why am I not looking forward to Ramadan? Because I didn't know
the why.
I didn't know the why. So there's two things you need to know you
need to know the why. So always ask why. And make your parents sit
down. Chill out, relax, breathe, listen, let's help each other out.
And the other thing you need to know is you need to know the
prophets of Allah.
Because when you look at how difficult his life was, you kind
of feel ashamed for complaining sight. It's not that bad. I mean,
Mashallah. He, he suffered through everything. And Allah subhanaw
taala loved him as the best of creation. Why? So that, if you can
look at his life, you can bear
and my favorite story of as being a parent,
just just my favorite story of the Prophet salallahu Salam is very
simple story. It's the fact that he sat down with a child who lost
his bird.
Like he was running in Omaha, he had so much responsibility, war,
enemies went off a boon.
People destroying the religion, but he cared about the kid who had
a bird who lost his bird, he cared about that little heart. And if he
cared about that little heart, on the street of Medina, we should
care about the hearts of our children.
It doesn't matter what your boss did. Come home, leave that mailbox
closed. I used to have a friend he would tell me that. He would hate
it when his dad would grab the mail from the mailbox and come in
the door.
Because he saw the bills, he got stressed out and then come in
angry. But take it out on somebody that's tyrannical. Like what did
those children do to deserve your anger, you've taken out the anger
of the whole day on to the kids and they're happy to see you.
They're supposed to be happy to see you.
I know someone who told me that when the garage door opens.
They just go
bad.
Dad's home.
Just brutal, right? But they love we parents love our children. I
can honestly tell you that father loved his children. I know, I know
who those children were.
And I know that Father, I went to college with him. He loved his
children, but he didn't stop and think.
And so humbler, we have the ability to stop and think
we have the ability to look at Ramadan and say, You know what,
tonight tonight, we can be 10% better.
But by the time Ramadan starts, we can be 20% better.
Just let's start to breathe. Let's start to chill out.
Let's start to
maybe two kids could not fight, throw paint on each other, have a
food fight and dad comes home that would help. That would help. And
maybe the dad not check the bills. When he comes home. That would
help. Right? We can all help each other out because it's hard being
a parent. It's hard being a kid. So humbler? You know, I raised my
children. I have three boys. Some of you know them, Mashallah. And
my goal was a simple goal. Don't let them get lost like I did.
Don't do what I did. Make sure you're looking at that little lamp
in their heart and make sure that you're killing it. You're working.
And I need to ask them, you know, if I'm taking you over here on
Friday night, you want to be here. I got to find I can't just force
you over here. You're not gonna like it. So I try to take them
places they, they, they liked, tried to do things they liked. So
what can we do for Ramadan? We can enjoy our community. We can have a
moon sighting festival. We can go out there. And if you don't have
community you don't know. There's two places in the Bay Area maybe
three now. But Lawrence Livermore Labs there's an entire bunch of
families that come from one siding. So in the community CO out
there, take treats, give children a great great night. Great
beginning to Ramadan
bake cookies for your neighbors. Tell them that this is a Ramadan
treat for you and see you know, mashallah just spread the baraka
bake with them.
Decorate I know a family that had a sugar jar. So every night before
Ramadan, they would like write little gratitude slips and Siobhan
then they
would take those slips they would make them into a chamber with
decorate about the door. You go to the house, you're like, what does
that change, like all the sugar that our family has before Ramadan
starts, it's kind of like aiming your gun, you want to aim your gun
before you shoot it, just kind of line it up this way, line up this
way or it's gonna miss. So hamdulillah there's a lot of
things we can talk about. I'm so proud of you guys to be here. I
mean, God knows where I was on a Friday night. You know, probably
out with my skateboard when I was 12 Waiting for Star Wars to come.
And mashallah, there's. So my advice for parents.
Before you have parents before you have children, or even after you
have children, or even tonight, if you haven't done it, you got to
get on the same page, you've got to get on the same page. And
there's one very, very important reason for that is because the
mother is the teacher, she's the nurturer. But the father is the
validator.
Right. If you type into a file, and you work all day, and you type
something, and you don't save it, you just close it, it's gone. So
the mother does all the typing, she nurtures the children, and the
father comes and says close, boom, done, religions gone. But if a
father says say, everything gets saved, so the children look to the
mother for learning, they look to the Father for validation. Valid,
the father can just delete everything if he's not on the same
page. So get on the same page.
Teach with love. Just remember one story. If you have children, just
remember the prophets Allah Allah with some of them sitting with us
with someone else's child because of their bird.
And make the home you know, the home Islam has to work. If your
children are seeing that Islam is not working in the home, parents
don't get along in law, battles, whatever, God knows, whatever, you
know, I'm sure the therapists know all about these stories. Islam has
to work in the home otherwise, you're opening a big wide door, a
truck can drive through it, kids just going to take Islam and just
leave. Right So Islam has to work as parents we have to make Islam
work mashallah, you know, I see the parents bringing you guys
here, when children play and make noise, hey, let them play and make
noise. They're happy to jumping around the mosque. I wasn't even
anywhere near one. So you know, lead with that. So I mentioned a
couple things you know, the, the baraka jar, the chain, you can
make a light the house, get lanterns, do an art project and
then decorate.
They put the with the kids and share the cookies. Go and go
before Ramadan. I work in a food bank, just to prepare your mind
for how hungry people are. Go to a food bank and work there and see
people come by and get food just the morsel, a morsel of food that
goes into a hungry person's belly. Because you know, it's far greater
than our fasting morsels. And we know how sweet dates tastes after
Ramadan. The pakora has the dates and glue of whatever you're going
make.
Make eat like eat morning. A good a good day. You know, slow down.
So running around in Ramadan doing tons of Thor's getting stressed
out doing groceries, slow down. We're all we all have food on our
tables, invite people for simple meals, spend time together.
Inshallah. So Hamidullah, you know, I look forward, I try to
strive for the day that my I look forward to Ramadan more than I
look forward to the next Star Wars movie. I've outgrown those a
little bit. I haven't outgrown the football, the excitement for
football. But why shall I look forward to the day to strive to
get get as excited about Ramadan Inshallah, I'm really excited. My
teachers have really put a lot of
knowledge in me about the why. And so now I know, so I don't feel
lost. I know I'm not enjoying Christmas. I'm observing but I'm
enjoying Ramadan. And then the moon sighting party that's that's
out at Lawrence Livermore Lab. I live for that. I live for that.
And we play some Ramadan music on the way over my kids saying, and
so we really enjoy that. So just Aquila, for being here and just
Sokoloff hair for listening to me, and you know, we can all be better
inshallah we had we asked Allah subhanaw taala to give us this
beautiful beautiful month like a gift. It's like the weekend of the
year, right? weekend of the year. You guys all look forward to the
weekend. But the thing is, it can't be too too crazy and busy.
We've got to just enjoy each other, enjoy the Quran, enjoy the
fasting, and the rest of the common Shala and love the Prophet
sallallahu Sallam and think about the boy with the bird. Salam
aleikum.
what's next?
Next
are stories about tradition?
How old was he? When Star Wars came out?
He's not gonna say he was he was just
I hate I actually hate Star Wars. Sorry.
I'm an Avenger guy. So there was an eject button. No, Matt. Yeah.
You have to pick either evangelist
Zach, hello, hey, beautiful.
For me, I think the family relationship is interesting,
because it's
I was, before I was practicing, I was young men. And I had to go to
a translator office to translate a letter from Persian Farsi to
English back in the days to send it to the embassy for some legal
work back home,
are sitting there. And the thing is, sometime you remember, you
know why remember them, because I don't even remember what that
letter was that I was translating, because it's very important, but I
don't remember what it was.
But there was a magazine, a Persian magazine, while the guy
was in the waiting room in Union City, I
saw reading, I was reading it and there was a chapter, there was a
hadith of the, our pastor Salem in one page. With the wisdom of the
pulse of Solomon, there was a few Hadith but one of the Hadees that
really struck me, kind of like, paradigm shift in my head was that
the prophets of salaam said that they're not from my ummah from
amongst us, the adults who don't have mercy
and love towards the children, in the children who don't honored
adults. And I think
that is all of Islam. Like if you want to summarize all of Islam,
it's a love
in honourable relationship between the children and parents. And
those parents who disrespect those children will be suspect their
parents.
There's no good in them. There's no good in them, like, and they
won't see any good because I lost I'm gonna give tofi to those kids
who disrespect their parents. But if they have patience, and have
love, and they have adult, Allah will open up the heart of even the
parents that are rigid. And those who don't, there are some parents,
unfortunately, the they're not on a prophetic path, but
you can
you can kill with kindness like this in this culture. And, and for
children, I tell you something, you know,
you have to know how to say something to your parents.
It's not what you say it's how you say it.
And it will make a big difference in that conversation when it's
with love and respect that with honor, it will be mutually love
and respect and honor. And, and parents should be like friends
with their children. And this is one of the tragedies of our time
now that people get married really late. And traditionally is
encouraged that people get married early in our tradition in Islam
because of salaam what are the things you hasten is to do you
know to get married early because by the time your child is a
teenager, and you know that 14 year old you know if you're in
your late 40s In that time, and he said Hey Bob, I want to play
basketball, I want to play football and
I can you know 15 minutes you're out then he's gonna find somebody
on the court who becomes his father, like and that's the big
problem that you can't if you're not there playing basketball with
your son or playing football with your son or or you know running or
wrestling or having they're going to find somebody else to do that
way. And that's very important that we encourage our children in
the future inshallah that the next generation. They don't wait till
Oh, I have to wait for this. I have to wait for that after wait
for this until I get married that they get married at a younger age
and start their life Allah will put back in their life and then so
they are you know
They have a relationship and the language barrier. And the social
life barrier is not so much where they don't understand. So I'll
give an example.
Majority of these kids in this age right now, the Muslim kids, the
parents have no idea about what they know, in terms of just social
media, like the amount of knowledge they have, like we
wouldn't even be able to like, login to some of these stuff. Like
if somebody was saying, Tik Tok tock, I said, the show, they're
showing me, I think you should do this for your business. And I
watched it for like, 15 minutes, actually. And I said, How do you
even start, and they were like, this little kid, it was just going
to do, I'm going to do this. And I go like this. And he made a video
and he's here, read this, how you posted? I swear, I couldn't figure
it out. I can't even look at the remote. For the TV. As a call, my
kids can turn on the, you know, we have to watch something. We don't
have cable Hamdulillah we I stopped having TV at the house.
When I was when I first started practicing. No TV, no cable, but
then we have TV web, no cable hamdulillah if we need to see
something like because my kids, they want to watch the highlights
from the NBA. So we do that, but I can't figure it out. I can't turn
on the Odyssey is the remotes are so complicated now is like how do
you go through all these menus? Or how do you even work the PS five,
like as soon as they do this? It's so complicated. Just looking at
it. It just drives you nuts. So that gap.
So how do you even like that gap is so much where we are. But if
that gap is closed, and they know what's happening, and that
communication becomes, you know, and I tell you something? What do
you guys talk about your job of when you go to school sometime?
You drive for like 20 minutes, 30 minutes with a kid. And there's
nothing you can talk about? Like literally like
zoom like imprisoned. Zoom means that you're silent.
So you just like sitting there? No, nothing? Because I don't have.
I don't I don't know if people think I'm crazy. But I don't
listen to music.
Yeah. So, but it's just like, What do you talk about? So I realized
that you have to talk about something that they are interested
in. Not something that Eurasia people, you know, one of my
favorite thing, we all had that aha, and I was teaching a class on
poetry. And so somebody went to my kid, and they said, Oh, does that
tell you all the Rumi story? And he gives you his? And my son was
just like us, us young. He said, No, he's my dad.
Like,
what are you talking about? But that's what that is supposed to
be. That's supposed to be there in you know, a few days and you know,
just have a good time, have a relationship where you can talk
with each other. You know, and I tell you something,
if your kid is holding on to you, is like bah, bah, bah, mama, mama,
and you're on your phones, hold on, hold on, hold on.
That would reverse in about 10 years. And it'd be sunsetted Hold
on, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's exactly what's going to
happen. So you have to give them the time now, pay attention to
them, become free to have something to talk about whatever
they're interested, I swear to you, I hated sports. After I
stopped watching, you know, throw away my TV and stuff. When I
started practicing. I just when I just stopped watching everything.
I was just I didn't want wasn't interested. But I started learning
about basketball because I just my son liked basketball. So I want to
learn about it. I want to go to New superstars and and so we can
have a conversation. Other than not, what are you going to talk
about with your children, like about what you're interested in
only now. So if we show interest in them and learn what they're
interested in, and have some kind of common grounds with this
conversation, and in those conversation, things will come out
and you they will start telling you once you become friends with
them. And there has to be a friendship and children should
learn something about their parents. And that's love if you
love your mommy we love you that if they're if they're doing
coding, just show some interest of ours was coding Listen, show me
how it works. Can you do something like this if there are doctors say
hey, tell me about what happened the hospital like you know the
people get sick. How do you fix it you booked so show some interest
in what they do.
And parents show inches with with their kids. That is a functional
family where everybody is interested in everybody. And
relationships are never one way. It's two ways, right? It's two
ways. This is a Turkish man when to ask for a girl and said, I want
to marry her. And he came back when we're happy. He said, What
happened? Did they say? Is it? Is it 100%? Confirm? He said, No. 50%
Confirm. So what do you mean? 50%? He said me and my family said yes,
them and their family said no. But that's, that's not a relationship.
A relationship is when both is mutually, both are interested in.
So may Allah make us amongst people
that we actually think, when our child is 12 Let me think when I
was 12, what grade was I in? What was I doing? How could i How could
I deal with my son, so at every stage of life, just think where
you were, and I tell you something, I always say, my they
are better than the than the parents. And that is that there
and because the parents are worse than the kids. So just be grateful
to Alhamdulillah and just have a relationship with them. Insha
Allah that that that is mutually the children as well. Love and
respect your parents. The greatest gift Allah has given you is your
parents and you want to new know the value of it until you lose him
and Allah don't make you lose your parents. But once they're gone,
it's too late and they're going to you're gonna have you're going to
regret for the rest of your life and the same with the parents
cherish you and your children are treasured Allah has given you you
don't know the value of a block other law, you can't even think
about losing your children because it's you become hollow and you
know it because you will die with them. The parents will die with
the child. And that's that's the nature of of this world. That's
how Allah made it. So may Allah protect the families, have mercy,
have love with each other, respect each other, honor each other, you
know, eat together, pray together, have fun together, watch a movie
together everything within the boundaries of Sharia, but just
have fun to like, have real fun with your kids. If you're strong
enough. wrestle them you know, see, show them like who's the man
in the house? Right? Yeah, it was the boss handle Zakah Hey, you
want to end this inshallah? I can?
Sure, Inshallah, we'll wrap up soon. And thank you everyone for
being here. Thank you to our esteemed panelists. May Allah
reward all of you, as Michelle brothers Isha and voodoo and
sister have over speaking a lot of different thoughts. I'm sure were
coming to your mind, just as they weren't in my mind. But I think as
we look forward to planning for Ramadan, one of the, you know,
advices I can give all of your takeaway is to come up with a
plan, a family plan, please, come strategize don't squander this
moment, right. Today was, of course, earlier today was NIFS.
Shaban and this is a blessed day for many reasons. But it's also a
day where we don't know I was reminded today from another
teacher, we actually don't know if we're going to see them alone.
None of us have a guarantee, not one of us can say that we will
actually welcome the month of Ramadan, right. And when you have
that hyper vigilance of your own, you know, mortality and the
possibilities, which are only Allah knows that what it does is
it makes you take your life more seriously and to start
appreciating everything you have, including your family. So don't
squander this these next two weeks with just you know, going right
back to, to work and everything else because Shaban one of its
names is it's the forgotten or neglected month. People become
careless at this time. And then Ramadan suddenly comes and all of
a sudden, we're in a frenzy and we're panicking, go get me go get
dates and everybody's kind of running around and nobody's happy.
You have two weeks to come up with a family plan which is let's have
let's talk about what we're going to do. How are we going to embrace
this month Inshallah, if Allah rewards us with it, and how are we
going to come together as a family. So some of the basic
things that I can offer you just for my own family, is make sure
you pray your prayers together, please, if you are home, some of
us are still working from home because of COVID. Please make it a
commitment in the month of Ramadan, that the family prays
together for the men, you are the Imam of the household, lead your
family in prayer, please take that leadership seriously. Don't just,
you know, delegate it to someone else. And for the women, as well
support your children. Remind them gently to prepare for prayer not
five minutes before the event, but remind them during the day do you
have will do we're gonna pray soon. Give them those gentle
reminders so that when the prayer comes, everybody's ready and we're
not rushing for Fudger to the same thing. Gently wake each other up
have nice alarms, you know, have some
someone designated as the Fudger person and there's always someone
in the family, there's someone who always wakes up early and can do
it, designate them the gentle person who wakes everybody up
gently for Fudger. Because we should do everything with with
ease, right? If ease is removed, then it becomes
we don't have to fit. So do things like that. And of course, you
know, give roles to each other. So for the children, young children,
give them the role of preparing the dates for the Athar, please,
like think of these things, the leadership roles that I was
talking about earlier, start treating your children with more
respect and give them these roles, and watch how they'll come up and
measure up instead of for the women we always take so much on
ourselves, that we you know, we over you know, we were spread too
thin, and then it spills over. And it doesn't, we don't have nice,
beautiful homes, but we can really start planning that now. So
please, and the remainder are the remaining two weeks, have these,
you know, this, this agenda of how we're going to have a beautiful
blessed Ramadan by strategizing by assigning roles by really, you
know, calling each other the best of each other forward and in sha
Allah may Allah give all of us Sophia, just like an offhand and
again thank you to all of our panelists. Thank you to MCC thank
you to all the viewers for watching on live inshallah we are
going to have our other program which was initially you know, we
were hoping to do the parents don't understand third installment
of that, but we've decided to wait for that after I don't want to
shell so please look at the newsletter. We'll update all of
that but a handler, our esteemed panelists were able to come and
join us for this event so just like I'm located your questions by
the way that you submitted will be answered at that at that panel
discussion inshallah. So please keep sending in your questions we
have reading all of them and we will answer those questions just
knock them off at it we're gonna pray isha soon so I don't know if
it says anything can you close this out in dot? You want to close
this out and die inshallah
Well, I surrender in Santa Fe hospital
out of belonging to me, because it's time for Isha and Charlotte.
Somebody's gonna call