Hosai Mojaddidi – How to Model a Prophetic Family PreRamadan Community Parenting Forum

Hosai Mojaddidi
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The importance of parenting and healthy relationships for acceptance and respect is emphasized in Islam. Teachers and parents must work in homes where parents and children create healthy relationships, and upcoming events include a weekend party and weekend events. The speakers emphasize the need for empathy and compassion in addressing issues with parenting and relationships, and offer family plans for acceptance and respect. There is also a family plan for the upcoming event and future events, including a weekend party and weekend events.

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			He's not gonna hate him for coming
on this blessitt Friday night.
		
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			They're gonna hate MCC for hosting
this event. And for our beloved
		
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			sister, and sister, Jose, Jose for
being here,
		
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			inshallah we're waiting for the
decision he's going to join us. I
		
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			think the topic was changed from
the parent.
		
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			Teens, to that was postponed to a
few weeks from now, tonight was
		
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			more along the lines of the
prophetic
		
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			household.
		
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			One of the things in the if
especially people who are in
		
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			counseling,
		
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			that a lot of the parents they
complain is they talk about their
		
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			children, because they don't know
how to deal with them. And one of
		
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			the things that the children
complain, they talk about their
		
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			parents because they don't know
how to deal with them. So it's,
		
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			it's this dilemma, where we have a
breakdown of communication. Now,
		
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			in Islam, the family doesn't start
when you have kids. As a matter of
		
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			fact, the family starts when
you're looking for a spouse. One
		
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			of the reason when you look at a
woman as a man to get married you
		
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			like is she going to be a good
mother? That's, that's one of the
		
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			main reason is she going to be a
good mother for my children. And
		
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			that is essential within the
Islamic tradition and has been
		
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			when somebody got wanted to marry.
If a woman wants to marry a man,
		
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			they will say, would he be not
just a good husband, but a good
		
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			father.
		
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			If the if the relationship starts
like that, it's a good start and
		
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			it will have a good end. And
whenever you have a good beginning
		
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			and have a good end, the middle is
always good.
		
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			When we look at the prophets of
Salaam and the Quranic principle
		
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			of a household of life, ALLAH
SubhanA wa Italien SUTA call SUTA
		
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			wrong the European chapter of the
Romans which really are the what
		
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			we call the European now we mean
it and Haleakala Coleman and
		
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			physical as well as and later
school LA, how was your Albania
		
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			from that? And what in the
fidelity in the community for?
		
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			This is a beautiful verse? All of
the verses are beautiful, but this
		
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			interesting thing in this verse,
amongst the size of God is that He
		
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			has created mates for you, male,
woman for men and men for women,
		
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			right? Lee, Tuscaloosa, la ha. Now
there's a word here use the
		
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			Tuscaloosa dwell in tranquility.
And lit. Tranquility is not
		
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			earthly.
		
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			Tranquility is not earthly is
heavenly trials and tribulation is
		
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			earthly.
		
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			That's where we get a dunya Darryl
Hammond Muhammad with Tila in with
		
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			fitna. This is one of the great
		
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			advice of the spiritual master
that this world is a place of
		
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			fitna of civil strife and of
trials enough tribulation of war
		
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			and of deception. This is what the
dunya can give you. But what comes
		
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			from the heaven is tranquility.
And this is why most of us when
		
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			you go to sleep, you're in a state
of tranquility unless you get a
		
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			nightmare. It's just complete
peace and ease. Right and a mama
		
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			Hidalgo Rahmatullah Ali said he
said the first time a believer
		
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			experience real tranquility is in
the grave is just complete peace
		
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			without any anxiety in any
worries.
		
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			Where did this tranquility come
from when Allah says little school
		
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			Elena, right? That go live it with
this tranquility and stickiness?
		
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			While the ISM McCann the place for
this is called an Arabic school
		
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			Muskaan Muscat is where Sakina
comes so everything has a place so
		
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			if you have a cup, you have a
saucer. You put the cup on it
		
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			right? If everything has a place,
we have a rack there where the
		
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			shoes go in there so that's a rack
and you put your shoes there. So
		
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			where does Sakina comes to? It
comes only in a place
		
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			called Mosca. That is a mechanic
for the place Sakina comes down to
		
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			in Muskan is your home.
		
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			That's if you have a functional
home. If we build our house that
		
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			is functional, then you experience
that security that tranquility in
		
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			your house. But if that house,
there is no Sakeena because it is
		
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			not prepared for this
		
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			I'm sick enough to come down,
because you come to the masjid.
		
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			You have your shoes in your hand
and there's no shoe rack, you
		
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			don't know what to put in.
		
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			So Sakina comes down and looking
for this Muskan that is pure, so
		
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			it can come down to if he sees it,
it will come down to that house.
		
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			And that's the house where we call
the abode of happiness. That's
		
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			what happiness it comes down when
they're sick in that household.
		
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			Then Allah says, Would you Allah
Boehner, Comala Allah says, in
		
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			this household, if you build a
functional household, and my sick
		
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			Kena comes into that house, by the
nature of that Sakina love and
		
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			mercy will enter your hearts, the
husband and wife and from that
		
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			loving mercy that it comes from
Allah in a house that is built
		
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			with six kina those are you get
children that are what that are
		
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			beautiful. And that's why when
Imam Ali asked the Prophet SAW
		
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			Salem, I want to name my son, my
son, his firstborn son from from
		
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			Bibi Fatima and he said, What do
you want to name him and he wanted
		
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			to name him water. How do Arabs
you know, they had the lot you
		
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			know, tough names like Hamza lion.
You know, he said war because he
		
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			wanted to be a warrior. You know,
the order of chivalry,
		
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			unfortunately, is lost now.
		
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			But the Prophet SAW Selim said,
No, his name
		
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			is Hassan.
		
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			So he named Hasson he named
Hussein in in in most of the three
		
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			child mosques and died at a young
age. So that those are the name
		
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			that the prophets of salaam gave
because they came from a household
		
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			that was filled with tranquility,
with love, and with mercy. The
		
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			output of that was completely just
beauty and axon. And that's why
		
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			you have Hassan and Hussein the
two Shabbat, and agenda. These are
		
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			the two superstars of paradise.
Just like in the dunya, you have
		
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			superstar and paradise you have
superstar too. But the superstars
		
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			of paradise are Hassan and
Hussein. Why? Because they came
		
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			from these two people that build a
functional household. And then the
		
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			love that came from Allah in mercy
that came from Allah into their
		
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			hearts. And that's the functional
household. Now.
		
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			How do we know if our houses
dysfunctional? You know, I'm a
		
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			sucker. Rahim. Allah is a
beautiful man down down south in
		
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			LA. And he did a lot of dollar
work in the 80s. I remember having
		
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			pretty much all his books, and he
would release a book every three
		
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			months. But it was just things
that we needed at that time.
		
00:08:05 --> 00:08:09
			Beautiful Man. And one of the
things that he did, he wrote a
		
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			poem. I don't know if you guys
remember, we wouldn't call it what
		
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			if the prophets of salaam visit
your house.
		
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			And when I read that poem,
isolated by myself, and I was I
		
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			was in Hayward, when I read that
poem, that I do a house cleaning.
		
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			And his he was we have he said, so
what is the process of walks into
		
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			your house? What would you hide?
What did you want him to see?
		
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			Would there be magazine that you
will? Oh my god, please, please
		
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			probably don't look at those
magazines. Would there be things
		
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			in there? Would there be frames in
your room? That was what is who's
		
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			that man? And who is that girl?
Like why you have these idols on
		
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			your, on your walls? So it was
		
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			what I appreciated from that poem
was it was real. It actually
		
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			talked to me as a young man. And I
did a housecleaning, and I think
		
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			that that's where a lot of the
people when we are struggling with
		
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			these things, we don't know the
source is the house. That's where
		
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			the sources
		
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			that you have to now take it back
to the original source. So that's
		
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			the source of the dunya. But the
original home is the heart of the
		
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			human being.
		
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			And that's what everything starts.
We have to change our hearts. We
		
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			have to purify our hearts. We have
to wash our hearts in these cliche
		
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			in everything rust, the promise of
the subject, and they said
		
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			everything. What about the heart?
Is it even the heart of the human
		
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			being rust, like the iron that
rust? And
		
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			one of the great scholars said
yeah, how are you? Yeah, can you
		
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			is one of the beautiful zikr
		
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			That removes the rust from the
heart of the human being to
		
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			through thicker you remove those
rust this this a lot of people in
		
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			this country they said what are
you in pursuit of the pursuit of
		
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			happiness. This is everybody wants
to achieve happiness This is
		
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			Aristotle's the, the, you know, he
and his Nicomachean Ethics. We are
		
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			all in pursuit of happiness.
Everybody wants to be happy. The
		
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			reason why we work so hard that we
will want to get educated, we get
		
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			married, all that if you ask at
the end, what do you want to do in
		
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			your life? You want to be happy.
We want to money because we want
		
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			to be happy. We want family
because we want to be happy. We
		
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			want friends. Everything is in
pursuit of happiness. But Molana
		
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			Jalaluddin Rumi said something
really amazing. He said, It's not
		
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			that hard to pursue happiness and
become happy. He said, What is
		
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			hard is for you to become
happiness, that you are happiness.
		
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			Wherever you go. Any house you
enter that house you turn it into
		
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			a house of happiness in this is
why because there were so many
		
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			people around him they would go
ask for counselors were so
		
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			depressed Malala how is it that
you're so happy? How is it that
		
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			you're always so happy? He said
honey show these Dylan was Senate
		
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			orange economy. He said I'm happy
because I turn my heart into an
		
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			abode of happiness. And I stayed
away from everything that is
		
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			depressing in the world. Hardship
all am Tiruchi do Namo bizzarro
		
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			Mizzou I don't deal with things
that are better. I don't deal with
		
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			depression and sadness, because I
am happiness. And that is
		
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			contagious. That whatever you go
		
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			if we walk into a funeral,
automatically you start crying.
		
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			Sometimes you cry, you don't even
know who died.
		
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			I even know people go in with
their friends. I don't even know
		
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			the person. I just came with a
friend. And then he shed tears
		
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			because everyone is weeping
because it's contagious.
		
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			Depression is contagious. DeLillo
tocolytic battle morality. What
		
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			the leader wash. I think it also
kibble Musto he she, this is, if
		
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			not Allah secondary, because they
asked him so why do people feel
		
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			depressed? Why do people feel
lonely? You know, he said, the
		
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			reason why you're depressed
because you're hanging out with
		
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			depressed people. And that's the
nature of this world. If you you
		
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			know, if you hang around with
people who make money, you learn
		
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			how to make money, you be good at
it. If you hang around the
		
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			mechanics, you will learn how to
fix cars. If you hang around, you
		
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			know, the Persian they have a
proverb, they said Bomani, shinny,
		
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			Moshe Bodek Nishan is Yoshi if you
said what else you become one of
		
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			us, right? But if he said like
with, with the people there, there
		
00:13:02 --> 00:13:05
			used to be these people who mostly
get the pots because it's a cook
		
00:13:05 --> 00:13:09
			on fire. And they used to get all
black underneath the pots and they
		
00:13:09 --> 00:13:12
			used to come these people used to
clean it and make it bright again,
		
00:13:12 --> 00:13:16
			is it if you said with the people
who clean those pots, you're gonna
		
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			have some stain on your clothes,
it's gonna get it dirty. And
		
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			that's the nature of the
companionship, who are your
		
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			companion, so the household, the
human heart, and then the
		
00:13:28 --> 00:13:33
			companionship that you keep? Those
are the three elements
		
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			that you can be on the prophetic
path. Or people can be on the path
		
00:13:40 --> 00:13:45
			of shaytaan or on the path of who
you know, a man who allergenic led
		
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			the process Salam said a person is
on the religion of his friends.
		
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			And if you think that your friends
don't have
		
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			effect on you, they're not going
to influence you. You're just
		
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			fooling yourself. You're not
fooling anybody, you're just
		
00:14:00 --> 00:14:03
			fooling yourself. I'm telling you,
		
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			because this is the nature of
friends that they will influence
		
00:14:08 --> 00:14:11
			their friends. And
		
00:14:12 --> 00:14:16
			I did give a quick bit here on on
the on friendship few months ago,
		
00:14:16 --> 00:14:20
			but you're the bad but pterygoid
has more about the one of the best
		
00:14:20 --> 00:14:25
			advice ever given about
friendship, and is in the new G
		
00:14:25 --> 00:14:28
			stallion with the island that a
bad friend
		
00:14:30 --> 00:14:34
			is worse than a poisonous snake.
Because a poisonous snakes only
		
00:14:34 --> 00:14:39
			hurts your body. But a bad friend
hurts your body in your faith.
		
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			That's the nature of bad friends.
So keeping the companionship that
		
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			are beautiful that are, you know,
this prophetic household that
		
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			you're trying to build. It
requires us to change our hearts
		
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			to purify our hearts. First and
foremost, then
		
00:15:00 --> 00:15:04
			And to build that house, a
household where Sakina comes in
		
00:15:04 --> 00:15:08
			tranquility comes in and is filled
with beauty. And then in our
		
00:15:08 --> 00:15:13
			social life, we keep the company
of the people who are beautiful
		
00:15:13 --> 00:15:15
			and they can only like, you know,
		
00:15:16 --> 00:15:21
			if you sit with a perfume seller,
the least you will go home with is
		
00:15:21 --> 00:15:25
			a good scent. Even if you don't
buy anything, because this is the
		
00:15:25 --> 00:15:29
			nature of perfumes ever you go
home, you just smell good. Just
		
00:15:29 --> 00:15:32
			like when you go to Shalimar you
go home, right. The chicken tikka
		
00:15:32 --> 00:15:37
			masala smell right. So that's the
that's the nature of friendship
		
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			and companionship. So, inshallah
with that we'll open it to
		
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			discussion, and we'll let assessor
Jose take over.
		
00:15:58 --> 00:16:01
			Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam
		
00:16:01 --> 00:16:05
			ala Shiva MBI even more serene?
Say that our Mala and where have
		
00:16:05 --> 00:16:08
			you been Muhammad sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam while he was
		
00:16:08 --> 00:16:12
			suffering from the Sleeman Kathira
Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi
		
00:16:12 --> 00:16:12
			Wabarakatuh
		
00:16:14 --> 00:16:16
			Alhamdulillah, just like on
welfare and see the reason for
		
00:16:16 --> 00:16:22
			that beautiful talk, mashallah had
so many gems, some of the things
		
00:16:22 --> 00:16:27
			that really stood out are the
three focuses that you had, in
		
00:16:27 --> 00:16:32
			terms of really modeling our homes
to the prophetic model are trying
		
00:16:32 --> 00:16:36
			our best to model our homes to the
prophetic standard. So you know,
		
00:16:36 --> 00:16:41
			maintaining or looking at that the
home and doing the house cleaning,
		
00:16:41 --> 00:16:45
			as you said, of the home, the
cleaning of the heart, and then
		
00:16:45 --> 00:16:47
			the cleaning of our sofa, our
companions.
		
00:16:49 --> 00:16:52
			But the point that you made about
happiness and becoming happiness,
		
00:16:52 --> 00:16:57
			actually wanted to kind of speak
about that for just a moment
		
00:16:57 --> 00:17:01
			because even Michelle had been I
when we were just speaking
		
00:17:01 --> 00:17:04
			earlier, we were talking about
perspective, right? The
		
00:17:04 --> 00:17:09
			perspective that we have in life
really does shape our experience,
		
00:17:09 --> 00:17:12
			and inshallah she'll speak more on
that point. But one of my favorite
		
00:17:12 --> 00:17:15
			hadith of course, is the Hadith.
Let's see, ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada
		
00:17:15 --> 00:17:20
			says, an IND, then the IDB. And I
love this hadith, because it's
		
00:17:20 --> 00:17:25
			very empowering. What Allah is
telling us is, again, what you
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:32
			think of him right? And and that
extends to your circumstance, he
		
00:17:32 --> 00:17:37
			will of course affirm. So if you
have a positive outlook, and you
		
00:17:37 --> 00:17:42
			accept that, whatever you're going
through, whether it's a
		
00:17:42 --> 00:17:47
			tribulation, whether it's hired
blessing, whatever it is, that it
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:51
			because it's from Allah subhanho
wa taala, that there's meaning
		
00:17:51 --> 00:17:56
			behind it, that there's a purpose
behind it. And you don't let your
		
00:17:56 --> 00:18:00
			perspective turn from Allah,
right, because this is the nature
		
00:18:00 --> 00:18:03
			of the dunya when we don't have
the right understanding of why
		
00:18:03 --> 00:18:08
			we're in certain circumstances, we
then are left to the whisperings
		
00:18:08 --> 00:18:12
			of shaitan, the external, right,
evil that is outside of us, but
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:17
			also our own knifes which will
start to whine and complain and
		
00:18:17 --> 00:18:22
			you just become very, Neff, see,
you know, in your understanding,
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25
			you're not thinking of the greater
wisdom of why you may be going
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:29
			through something. So having that
mind shift is really important.
		
00:18:29 --> 00:18:34
			And that's why, again, when we
look at this idea of how do we
		
00:18:34 --> 00:18:37
			establish a prophetic household,
another Hadith that is really
		
00:18:37 --> 00:18:41
			important for all of us to, to
learn and to under and to
		
00:18:41 --> 00:18:46
			internalize is the Hadith at
Aquila Cumbre, and Wakulla Kama
		
00:18:46 --> 00:18:49
			Sutra and Andhra Yachty. Indeed,
all of you are a shepherd. And
		
00:18:49 --> 00:18:53
			each of you is responsible for
your flock. And this is another
		
00:18:53 --> 00:18:57
			empowering Hadith because what is
Allah's brothers telling us, he's
		
00:18:57 --> 00:19:01
			saying that he has given all of us
leadership roles, and that
		
00:19:01 --> 00:19:06
			includes men, of course, women, as
well as children, believe it or
		
00:19:06 --> 00:19:12
			not, yes, even you have leadership
roles, you have expectations, that
		
00:19:12 --> 00:19:17
			from you, within your household.
And so defining those roles
		
00:19:17 --> 00:19:21
			becomes now the next part of how
we can bring some balance into our
		
00:19:21 --> 00:19:25
			homes, right, because leadership,
of course requires to know what
		
00:19:25 --> 00:19:29
			your role is. So if you know that
you're a leader, because Allah has
		
00:19:29 --> 00:19:33
			appointed you a leader, he has
told us that men are leaders over
		
00:19:33 --> 00:19:36
			there, in their in their
households over their families,
		
00:19:36 --> 00:19:39
			and their responsibilities to
maintain the their families and
		
00:19:39 --> 00:19:43
			then for women, their leadership
role is to maintain their children
		
00:19:43 --> 00:19:47
			in their household. And then of
course, for children. It's to help
		
00:19:47 --> 00:19:50
			in the household and to take some
of those burdens from their
		
00:19:50 --> 00:19:54
			parents and to be a part of the
household. So immediately, you set
		
00:19:54 --> 00:19:59
			the tone of what two things
respect, right? Respect is
		
00:19:59 --> 00:19:59
			soulless.
		
00:20:00 --> 00:20:04
			Essential in a household, in order
for a household to have balance
		
00:20:04 --> 00:20:08
			and to have peace, we have to have
respect. And if we see each other
		
00:20:08 --> 00:20:13
			all of if everyone sees one
another as a leader, and they see
		
00:20:13 --> 00:20:16
			that they have an important role
to play in the household, then
		
00:20:16 --> 00:20:20
			naturally, you will bring respect
into the conversation into the way
		
00:20:20 --> 00:20:24
			you treat one another. So respect
is essential. And the other really
		
00:20:24 --> 00:20:29
			important quality is empathy. If
we don't have either of these two
		
00:20:29 --> 00:20:34
			qualities in our homes, which all
of which we learned from the
		
00:20:34 --> 00:20:38
			prophets of Allah hive seven, you
will not find a single example of
		
00:20:38 --> 00:20:41
			the prophesy seven ever, of
course, because he had the best of
		
00:20:41 --> 00:20:46
			character of ever speaking to
anyone, without respect, even
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:50
			those who wished harm on him
Subhanallah he had, because why,
		
00:20:50 --> 00:20:54
			as as the saying of Sedna, Isa, a
vessel only pours out what it
		
00:20:54 --> 00:20:59
			contains, he was incapable of
putting out anything other than
		
00:20:59 --> 00:21:05
			respect, because he that he was
pure. And so if we understand
		
00:21:05 --> 00:21:08
			that, then we look to ourselves
and hold ourselves accountable. So
		
00:21:08 --> 00:21:13
			you will not find any example of
him ever speaking to a child, or a
		
00:21:13 --> 00:21:18
			person of a different background,
doesn't matter in a way where he
		
00:21:18 --> 00:21:20
			put himself above them, never even
though he was the best of
		
00:21:20 --> 00:21:23
			creation, the most Beloved of
Allah subhanaw taala. And if
		
00:21:23 --> 00:21:26
			anybody had that, you know, if
anybody could have done that, it
		
00:21:26 --> 00:21:29
			should have been him, right. But
he didn't do it. Why? Because he
		
00:21:29 --> 00:21:32
			knew he was who he was with Allah.
And he didn't need to do that. And
		
00:21:32 --> 00:21:38
			he also he's modeling for us that
if you want to have the households
		
00:21:38 --> 00:21:40
			that are peaceful, you don't need
to come you don't need to you
		
00:21:40 --> 00:21:44
			don't need to demand respect. You
don't need to raise your voice,
		
00:21:44 --> 00:21:48
			you don't need to, you know, lead
with, with an iron fist, and
		
00:21:48 --> 00:21:53
			threaten and use charged language,
you don't need to do that. If you
		
00:21:53 --> 00:21:54
			are respectful,
		
00:21:55 --> 00:22:00
			right? People will listen to you.
So really watching the way that we
		
00:22:00 --> 00:22:04
			talk to one another. And this is
an every direction, from parent to
		
00:22:04 --> 00:22:09
			child, to spouse to spouse, every
direction, we need to restore
		
00:22:09 --> 00:22:13
			respect in our homes. And we also
need to restore empathy. And this
		
00:22:13 --> 00:22:16
			is really important, especially as
I see so many teens here. You
		
00:22:16 --> 00:22:19
			know, earlier today, I was with a
group of teens, and I did a
		
00:22:19 --> 00:22:22
			icebreaker with them. I was
getting to know them. So I asked
		
00:22:22 --> 00:22:28
			them. Tell me your name. Tell me
your what's your favorite day of
		
00:22:28 --> 00:22:33
			the week? And why? And then tell
me what's your happy place?
		
00:22:34 --> 00:22:38
			And subhanAllah? The answer is
really touched my heart. favorite
		
00:22:38 --> 00:22:42
			day of the week. What do you guys
guess? Knowing teens? What do you
		
00:22:42 --> 00:22:42
			think it's gonna be?
		
00:22:44 --> 00:22:48
			By Friday, Saturday, Sunday,
pretty predictable. Saturday and
		
00:22:48 --> 00:22:52
			Sunday, the majority with the
exception of two people who said I
		
00:22:52 --> 00:22:55
			think, Monday and Wednesday, and
we want three people Monday,
		
00:22:55 --> 00:22:58
			Wednesday and Tuesday for very
different reasons. Everyone else
		
00:22:58 --> 00:23:01
			said Saturday, Friday, Saturday,
Sunday. What do you think the
		
00:23:01 --> 00:23:05
			reason why they love those days?
Yes.
		
00:23:06 --> 00:23:09
			There's no school, that was part
of it. But there was another
		
00:23:09 --> 00:23:11
			really beautiful reason.
		
00:23:14 --> 00:23:18
			They get to stay home a few
reasons were given one, it's time
		
00:23:18 --> 00:23:23
			with family, which is really
beautiful to hear. To they get to
		
00:23:23 --> 00:23:23
			sleep in.
		
00:23:25 --> 00:23:30
			Okay, why do I mention this?
Because I wasn't surprised. This
		
00:23:30 --> 00:23:33
			is something that I have heard
repeatedly for years, from
		
00:23:33 --> 00:23:38
			teenagers who are going through
one of the hardest phases of life,
		
00:23:38 --> 00:23:43
			that they feel that sleep, which
is a human need. It's everybody
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:47
			needs rest, right? Is something
that they don't get enough of. And
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:52
			if they speak up, they're not
respected. That that is not seen
		
00:23:52 --> 00:23:56
			as an important need. And I think
it's it's it's really we have to
		
00:23:56 --> 00:24:01
			look, look to ourselves and really
understand when a child, you know,
		
00:24:01 --> 00:24:04
			who again is growing development
they're developing, their brains
		
00:24:04 --> 00:24:07
			are developing, just like an
infant, you wouldn't wake up an
		
00:24:07 --> 00:24:11
			infant right from sleep, you know
that an infant or a toddler, they
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:13
			need their sleep, you let them
have their naps when they wake up
		
00:24:13 --> 00:24:17
			their wake up. But how many of us
in our households don't have the
		
00:24:17 --> 00:24:23
			basic empathy, to respect this
very basic human need and basic by
		
00:24:23 --> 00:24:26
			in the sense of, if you look at
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, this
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:30
			is on the bottom tier, right? We
need food, we need water, we need
		
00:24:30 --> 00:24:33
			air, we need rest, we need sleep.
So if a child is coming to their
		
00:24:33 --> 00:24:38
			parent and saying I don't want to
go to so and so I don't want to do
		
00:24:38 --> 00:24:42
			this because I'm really tired. Can
I please sleep? And the parent is
		
00:24:42 --> 00:24:46
			no, you have to go get up right
now. And then knocking on the door
		
00:24:46 --> 00:24:50
			and waking them up and being you
know, irritated. Why? Because I
		
00:24:50 --> 00:24:53
			have a schedule. I have something
that I need to get done. Get up
		
00:24:53 --> 00:24:57
			and do it right now. Right this
minute. What do you think is going
		
00:24:57 --> 00:24:59
			to it's a breakdown immediately of
respect
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:04
			empathy. There's no respect that
child has a need. And I say this
		
00:25:04 --> 00:25:07
			because again, I want to advocate
for our youth, sometimes these
		
00:25:07 --> 00:25:10
			very basic things, they feel like
no one's understanding them. And
		
00:25:10 --> 00:25:14
			if you think about, although it
seems like, Okay, why is that a
		
00:25:14 --> 00:25:18
			big deal, but just sleep not
affect everything? Right? How many
		
00:25:18 --> 00:25:21
			of us when we don't get enough
sleep, are not very pleasant to be
		
00:25:21 --> 00:25:25
			around? Right? So when I hear the
parents telling me about their
		
00:25:25 --> 00:25:29
			teens, who are having an attitude
problem, who are grumpy, who don't
		
00:25:29 --> 00:25:32
			want to talk to them, who don't
want to sit and you know, have
		
00:25:32 --> 00:25:37
			dinner with the family, or who
just they can't figure out, I have
		
00:25:37 --> 00:25:42
			to point them to these very basic
things. Are they resting? Are they
		
00:25:42 --> 00:25:42
			getting enough rest?
		
00:25:44 --> 00:25:47
			Oh, yeah, here and there. And you
know, then then you start like
		
00:25:47 --> 00:25:50
			questioning and you realize, if
you made these little simple
		
00:25:50 --> 00:25:54
			adjustments, of fulfilling each
other's basic needs, what do you
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:58
			need? Do you are you okay,
checking in with them? are you
		
00:25:58 --> 00:26:02
			resting? Do you need anything or
anything else? Because there's a
		
00:26:02 --> 00:26:04
			lot of things that are going on,
you know, on both sides. And this
		
00:26:04 --> 00:26:07
			goes both ways. By the way,
parents obviously have needs to
		
00:26:07 --> 00:26:11
			they may be tired and exhausted as
well. But they don't think that
		
00:26:11 --> 00:26:15
			you can help them. But what would
you do with teenagers? I mean, how
		
00:26:15 --> 00:26:18
			do you think your parents would
respond, if you went up to them
		
00:26:18 --> 00:26:22
			after they just cooked dinner or
came home from a long day's work
		
00:26:22 --> 00:26:26
			your father, when he enters the
household, and you empathize,
		
00:26:26 --> 00:26:30
			empathize, realizing that he was
out all day long, and a long
		
00:26:30 --> 00:26:33
			commute, we live in an area where
there's usually long commutes for
		
00:26:33 --> 00:26:38
			a lot of our parents. So you have
the you know, the the fatigue of
		
00:26:38 --> 00:26:41
			just being out all day. And then
on top of that, that, and then you
		
00:26:41 --> 00:26:44
			have to come home and get dinner
ready help with homework? How do
		
00:26:44 --> 00:26:47
			you think your parents would feel
if you just went up to them and
		
00:26:47 --> 00:26:52
			said, Hey, Dad, are you okay? Can
I get you anything? Or Mom, can I
		
00:26:52 --> 00:26:56
			help you with anything? Do you
need like a shoulder rub? Maybe I
		
00:26:56 --> 00:26:59
			can give you a shoulder of after
dinner? How do you think they
		
00:26:59 --> 00:27:04
			would feel? Suddenly, they feel
seen, suddenly they feel
		
00:27:05 --> 00:27:09
			appreciated? Suddenly they feel
validated. Those exchanges, as
		
00:27:09 --> 00:27:13
			simple as they seem, can do
incredible wonders to repair some
		
00:27:13 --> 00:27:17
			of the breakdown that we have in
our households. Because again, we
		
00:27:17 --> 00:27:20
			live in a time where everybody's,
you know, just doing their own
		
00:27:20 --> 00:27:22
			thing. Kids have their homework,
they have their sports, they have
		
00:27:22 --> 00:27:25
			their routines, their clubs,
parents are at work, they have to
		
00:27:25 --> 00:27:29
			go shop, they have this and that
to do and nobody's really seeing
		
00:27:29 --> 00:27:33
			each other. Nobody's really
stopping and appreciating one
		
00:27:33 --> 00:27:38
			another. And then offering these
two things that we are taught in
		
00:27:38 --> 00:27:42
			our dean, from the very beginning,
if you're, you know, looking at
		
00:27:42 --> 00:27:47
			any part of our faith, you will
find these themes of how we speak
		
00:27:47 --> 00:27:51
			to one another should always be
with love malenda With respect,
		
00:27:52 --> 00:27:56
			right? With empathy with
compassion, you will find it
		
00:27:56 --> 00:27:59
			throughout the Quran throughout
the Hadith. But if we don't have
		
00:27:59 --> 00:28:05
			that in our own households, then
are we surprised when we find a
		
00:28:05 --> 00:28:09
			breakdown in communication? Should
we be surprised? Of course not. So
		
00:28:09 --> 00:28:12
			really essential that we first and
foremost understand our roles that
		
00:28:12 --> 00:28:17
			each of us have leadership
qualities, all of us and that
		
00:28:18 --> 00:28:18
			should
		
00:28:19 --> 00:28:26
			command right respect from others,
as well as that we give back right
		
00:28:26 --> 00:28:29
			respect to everyone in the
household and then that we also
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:32
			empathize. Inshallah, there's a
lot more to say. But I would like
		
00:28:32 --> 00:28:36
			to now invite SR hubba. Because,
mashallah, I'd love to hear from
		
00:28:36 --> 00:28:40
			you about the point that we were
speaking about earlier in terms of
		
00:28:40 --> 00:28:43
			how can we change our perspective
for it? How can we have the shift
		
00:28:44 --> 00:28:45
			in understanding this?
		
00:28:51 --> 00:28:56
			On a Saturday, Sunday, Sunday on
the Sunday of Tony Stark, sorry.
		
00:29:02 --> 00:29:06
			Does that mean located on CD 50
and doing the end, Jose for your
		
00:29:07 --> 00:29:09
			very pertinent points?
		
00:29:10 --> 00:29:16
			I'd like to add another layer on
to the incredible points that were
		
00:29:16 --> 00:29:17
			mentioned.
		
00:29:18 --> 00:29:24
			And this comes from a place of
many conversations that I've had
		
00:29:24 --> 00:29:28
			with teenagers and adolescents and
young adults over the past, I
		
00:29:28 --> 00:29:29
			would say seven years.
		
00:29:31 --> 00:29:36
			What one thing that I would say
that having a tranquil and serene
		
00:29:36 --> 00:29:41
			home comes down to is having
emotionally regulated parents.
		
00:29:43 --> 00:29:48
			And this is a very large area
that, you know, parents from the
		
00:29:48 --> 00:29:52
			previous generation didn't have
the luxury of really investing in.
		
00:29:54 --> 00:29:57
			And this is a conversation that I
have with many adolescents is
		
00:29:57 --> 00:30:00
			providing the perspective of the
parent
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:05
			To is coming to the United States
from another country, not speaking
		
00:30:05 --> 00:30:10
			the language of this country. And
there are many unknowns of being
		
00:30:10 --> 00:30:11
			in this country.
		
00:30:12 --> 00:30:16
			And of course, naturally, all of
this change comes with a lot of
		
00:30:16 --> 00:30:23
			stress, right, and a lot of
anxiety and a lot of turbulence, I
		
00:30:23 --> 00:30:24
			guess you could say.
		
00:30:25 --> 00:30:28
			And so navigating all of these
changes and trying to make them
		
00:30:28 --> 00:30:32
			home for their, for the family,
right, the mother and the father
		
00:30:32 --> 00:30:35
			coming together and trying to make
home for the family, while also
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:40
			trying to maintain balance and
stability within their marriage,
		
00:30:41 --> 00:30:45
			which is a whole other thing,
right on on its own. And then
		
00:30:45 --> 00:30:49
			trying to parent children in a
country that you're not very
		
00:30:49 --> 00:30:52
			familiar with, and that you're not
necessarily aligned with the
		
00:30:52 --> 00:30:55
			values within the culture of this
country.
		
00:30:57 --> 00:31:01
			In some sense, and when I speak
about values, I'm really speaking
		
00:31:01 --> 00:31:04
			about moral standards, right
morality.
		
00:31:06 --> 00:31:12
			Dr. Russell Barkley is a well
known, he's a renowned researcher
		
00:31:12 --> 00:31:14
			on on ADHD.
		
00:31:15 --> 00:31:18
			There are many theories about ADHD
that I'm not even going to get
		
00:31:18 --> 00:31:23
			into because there are way too
many factors to consider. But he
		
00:31:23 --> 00:31:24
			states that
		
00:31:25 --> 00:31:30
			a really big problem with
parenting and raising children in
		
00:31:30 --> 00:31:33
			order to have a tranquil home that
starts with being a couple, and
		
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35
			then it transcends into
		
00:31:36 --> 00:31:39
			a home that has children, perhaps,
but now, not every couple will
		
00:31:39 --> 00:31:44
			have children. That's another
thing to consider is he talks
		
00:31:44 --> 00:31:50
			about this concept of parents
being shepherds and not engineers.
		
00:31:51 --> 00:31:55
			And where we go wrong as parents
is when we try to play the role of
		
00:31:55 --> 00:31:59
			engineers. And we don't realize
that we are just shepherds.
		
00:32:00 --> 00:32:04
			And this is very critical to
understand. Because all that we
		
00:32:04 --> 00:32:09
			can do as parents is provide the
pasture within which our children
		
00:32:09 --> 00:32:10
			will graze.
		
00:32:11 --> 00:32:12
			Essentially,
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:18
			we get to decide how we live our
lives, we get to decide where we
		
00:32:18 --> 00:32:23
			go, who to let into our homes,
which is the sacred space, we get
		
00:32:23 --> 00:32:28
			to decide how we talk to one
another, and how we engage with
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:34
			each other. We get to decide how
we regulate ourselves as parents,
		
00:32:34 --> 00:32:38
			because emotions are at times we
call for children, we call them
		
00:32:38 --> 00:32:43
			big feelings. But guess what,
adults also have big feelings, and
		
00:32:43 --> 00:32:48
			adults also have tantrums. And
sometimes those tantrums are very
		
00:32:48 --> 00:32:53
			ugly. If the parent never learned,
through modeling from their own
		
00:32:53 --> 00:32:57
			parents, how to regulate their own
selves, and how to remain calm,
		
00:32:58 --> 00:33:01
			and how to remain composed, and
how to not take out my
		
00:33:01 --> 00:33:05
			frustrations, my stress, my
worries, the things that I'm
		
00:33:05 --> 00:33:10
			concerned about, on my children,
because someone within that family
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11
			has to be the adult.
		
00:33:13 --> 00:33:18
			But what happens is a lot of the
adolescents that you'll meet, have
		
00:33:18 --> 00:33:20
			become parental my children,
		
00:33:21 --> 00:33:24
			they are the ones who feel like
they are running the household.
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:30
			Because the parent is not acting
like an adult. In the sense of
		
00:33:30 --> 00:33:34
			emotional regulation, they don't
know how to fully regulate their
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:37
			nervous system. Right? Because
there's the mind and then there's
		
00:33:37 --> 00:33:38
			the nervous system.
		
00:33:39 --> 00:33:43
			And if there's been a lot of pain
that an adult has gone through,
		
00:33:44 --> 00:33:49
			that is as a result of up to that
as a result of like CD fatty doing
		
00:33:49 --> 00:33:53
			was saying trials and hardships
and difficulties. But you never
		
00:33:53 --> 00:33:57
			really processed those events that
have happened to you, you don't
		
00:33:57 --> 00:33:59
			really know how to make sense of
them.
		
00:34:01 --> 00:34:05
			You don't know why, you know,
Allah has decreed this for you.
		
00:34:05 --> 00:34:08
			Right? And you may never know,
that's not our job to understand
		
00:34:08 --> 00:34:13
			or negotiate, right, the terms of
our existence. We didn't create
		
00:34:13 --> 00:34:18
			ourselves, but people need to make
meaning out of what happens to
		
00:34:18 --> 00:34:18
			them.
		
00:34:20 --> 00:34:25
			Narrative development is a huge
aspect of what I do. Helping
		
00:34:25 --> 00:34:28
			people come to terms with the pain
that they have experienced. And a
		
00:34:28 --> 00:34:32
			lot of the time, it's pain that
they have experienced at home,
		
00:34:33 --> 00:34:38
			not from strangers outside of
their family. It's pain that they
		
00:34:38 --> 00:34:41
			have experienced as a result of
not being seen. Like sisters I was
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:45
			saying, not not being heard their
needs are not being met.
		
00:34:46 --> 00:34:51
			Because also I think the parents
love their children. However, they
		
00:34:51 --> 00:34:55
			don't know how to express that
love in a way that is perhaps
		
00:34:55 --> 00:34:58
			healthy, because they never
learned how to honor their own
		
00:34:58 --> 00:34:59
			needs.
		
00:35:01 --> 00:35:04
			So here's the parent, you know,
stressed out
		
00:35:06 --> 00:35:10
			under a lot of pressure, you know,
having to meet a lot of demands.
		
00:35:10 --> 00:35:13
			And on top of that, I have to
maintain a relationship with my
		
00:35:13 --> 00:35:15
			spouse. And then on top of that, I
have to take care of these
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:18
			children and make sure they're
fed, taken care of nurtured.
		
00:35:19 --> 00:35:22
			Everything else is is is, you
know, provided for them.
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:28
			And something's got to give,
because that is a lot of pressure.
		
00:35:28 --> 00:35:31
			And here in the US, we don't
necessarily always have a village.
		
00:35:33 --> 00:35:37
			Right, unless you create a village
for yourself and your family. And
		
00:35:37 --> 00:35:42
			Dr. oleonard, Sachs, talks about
this in his books. And I really
		
00:35:42 --> 00:35:45
			encourage every parent to read his
books, because he has, his values
		
00:35:45 --> 00:35:50
			are very aligned with our values.
And he talks about that you create
		
00:35:50 --> 00:35:54
			a bubble, literally a bubble for
you and your family,
		
00:35:55 --> 00:35:59
			in which you raise your children,
if you have children, you raise
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:03
			your children together. Because we
have similar values. And if my
		
00:36:03 --> 00:36:05
			child goes out of line,
		
00:36:06 --> 00:36:09
			my child may not necessarily want
to listen to me as a parent, but
		
00:36:09 --> 00:36:13
			maybe my friend who's a family
friend can step in and have a
		
00:36:13 --> 00:36:17
			relationship with the child and
advise the child lovingly.
		
00:36:18 --> 00:36:21
			However, there has to be a
receptivity, right for that
		
00:36:21 --> 00:36:22
			advice.
		
00:36:23 --> 00:36:28
			So having this conception in our
minds of how to be parents, and
		
00:36:28 --> 00:36:30
			what it means to be parents.
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:37
			Just like every prophet was a
shepherd first, before prophecy,
		
00:36:38 --> 00:36:40
			because a lot of things happen
when you're a shepherd.
		
00:36:42 --> 00:36:46
			Your flock isn't necessarily going
to want to listen and abide by
		
00:36:47 --> 00:36:51
			your instructions. However, you
have to learn how to be gentle.
		
00:36:52 --> 00:36:55
			You have to learn patience. And
when we talk about SUBUD, we think
		
00:36:55 --> 00:37:00
			that Sabetta means just patience.
But actually, it's a compounded
		
00:37:00 --> 00:37:02
			word. That means a lot of
different things.
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:07
			It means endurance, it means
perseverance. It means
		
00:37:07 --> 00:37:12
			steadfastness, right, amongst
several other things. And when you
		
00:37:12 --> 00:37:15
			bring all of those together
patients is just one portion of
		
00:37:15 --> 00:37:19
			what southern means. But you learn
so bad. And essentially, what
		
00:37:19 --> 00:37:22
			you're actually learning is how to
regulate yourself when things
		
00:37:22 --> 00:37:23
			don't go my way.
		
00:37:25 --> 00:37:27
			Because they are individuals of
their own,
		
00:37:28 --> 00:37:32
			I can't control them, my job is
not to control them. Whenever
		
00:37:32 --> 00:37:36
			there is control or coercion,
you're going to find them going in
		
00:37:36 --> 00:37:37
			the opposite direction.
		
00:37:38 --> 00:37:41
			So a lot of people will say I
don't want to be at home,
		
00:37:42 --> 00:37:45
			I would rather actually be
somewhere else. And that is the
		
00:37:45 --> 00:37:48
			most heartbreaking thing is
because we want our children to be
		
00:37:48 --> 00:37:51
			at home with us. We want them to
listen to our stories, our
		
00:37:51 --> 00:37:55
			narratives, we don't want other
narratives, infiltrating their
		
00:37:55 --> 00:37:59
			minds, because one of the main
things that I research is post
		
00:37:59 --> 00:37:59
			modernism.
		
00:38:00 --> 00:38:04
			This is what my dissertation is
on, and how it leads to work
		
00:38:04 --> 00:38:07
			towards states of fragility and
not resilience.
		
00:38:08 --> 00:38:09
			And there are
		
00:38:10 --> 00:38:16
			many traces of post modernism
everywhere around us, right? And
		
00:38:16 --> 00:38:19
			post modernism, if you'd like to
have an idea of what it is
		
00:38:19 --> 00:38:24
			Foucault, right? Who is a French
theorist, if you want to call him
		
00:38:24 --> 00:38:28
			that, one of his statements is
that he says, you know,
		
00:38:30 --> 00:38:33
			my job is not to be right or
wrong. I'm not concerned with
		
00:38:33 --> 00:38:38
			being right or wrong. So there is
no criterion. But my job is to be
		
00:38:38 --> 00:38:39
			interesting.
		
00:38:40 --> 00:38:45
			So as human beings, we just need
to be interesting. But we're not
		
00:38:45 --> 00:38:49
			concerned with being right or
wrong. And we're not concerned
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:54
			with authority. So religion,
leaders, we're not concerned with
		
00:38:54 --> 00:38:58
			them, right? And what they have to
say. So overthrowing overthrowing
		
00:38:58 --> 00:39:03
			the patriarchy, right, dismantling
all of the dominant discourse that
		
00:39:03 --> 00:39:08
			exists in our society, that serve
as anchors, right, that relate to
		
00:39:08 --> 00:39:11
			gender that relate to how you feel
about things and how you view the
		
00:39:11 --> 00:39:14
			world. It dismantles all of that.
		
00:39:15 --> 00:39:19
			So what you're actually doing is
I'm removing all of the anchors
		
00:39:20 --> 00:39:25
			for our teenagers. And this
becomes an extremely dangerous
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:26
			playing field.
		
00:39:27 --> 00:39:31
			And then the parents come in, and
the parents are trying to control
		
00:39:32 --> 00:39:35
			they're not realizing that I just
need to be a shepherd and provide
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:40
			the pasture and control the
environment. But let them be who
		
00:39:40 --> 00:39:44
			they are, honor who they are, who
Allah subhanaw taala has created
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:48
			them to be instead of constantly
trying to change them by
		
00:39:48 --> 00:39:53
			projecting my own needs onto the
child and wanting them to be
		
00:39:53 --> 00:39:57
			something other than what what
they are, what they're meant to
		
00:39:57 --> 00:39:57
			be.
		
00:39:58 --> 00:40:00
			Now there's a research
		
00:40:00 --> 00:40:03
			study done by a fellow ant eater
UCI ant eater
		
00:40:04 --> 00:40:09
			that I went to UCI with off Mendel
murgee, Dr. Rothman now, and he
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:14
			led a research study for European
Institute that talks about why
		
00:40:14 --> 00:40:16
			adolescents are leaving Islam.
		
00:40:18 --> 00:40:23
			And the main thing that he talked
about were, that there are soft
		
00:40:23 --> 00:40:24
			doubts and there are hard doubts.
		
00:40:26 --> 00:40:29
			Everyone has soft doubts, at some
point in your life, you've doubted
		
00:40:29 --> 00:40:32
			things about about the faith, and
you've gotten responses for them.
		
00:40:32 --> 00:40:36
			That made sense to you, that
infused you with a sense of
		
00:40:36 --> 00:40:38
			purpose and meaning
		
00:40:39 --> 00:40:44
			that kept you steadfast. That was
your why you understand your why
		
00:40:44 --> 00:40:47
			you're connected to know why you
do what you do.
		
00:40:48 --> 00:40:52
			However, with post modernism, and
modernity in general,
		
00:40:53 --> 00:40:57
			you're not really connected to
your why you actually don't know
		
00:40:57 --> 00:40:59
			why you're doing why you're
praying, a lot of people tell me,
		
00:40:59 --> 00:41:01
			well, it doesn't, I don't really
feel anything.
		
00:41:03 --> 00:41:06
			Right? Same thing with fasting,
they don't understand the purpose
		
00:41:06 --> 00:41:07
			behind it.
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:11
			So in addition to understanding
this concept, that we as parents
		
00:41:11 --> 00:41:14
			are shepherds, another thing that
we have to understand is that
		
00:41:14 --> 00:41:22
			societal, the current of society
is based on this notion that it's
		
00:41:22 --> 00:41:26
			short term gain, right, and long
term loss, but what we focus on as
		
00:41:26 --> 00:41:30
			a society is short term gain. So
whatever feels good, do it.
		
00:41:31 --> 00:41:36
			Right, whatever impulses you feel
act upon them be who you are you
		
00:41:36 --> 00:41:42
			do you all of these different
messages that are all over social
		
00:41:42 --> 00:41:47
			media, and this is exactly what is
entering their mind, and starting
		
00:41:47 --> 00:41:50
			to mess with their thoughts.
Right? Well, maybe I just need to
		
00:41:50 --> 00:41:55
			be who I am. So if I'm having
certain feelings, I should just
		
00:41:55 --> 00:41:58
			listen to those feelings without
understanding them. So Shavon and
		
00:41:58 --> 00:42:03
			NAFSA ramen and the role that both
play in dictating, you know, the
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:05
			direction that you take in life.
		
00:42:07 --> 00:42:11
			So really understanding this, this
concept that parents are
		
00:42:11 --> 00:42:16
			shepherds, emotional regulation,
right, we have to be able to
		
00:42:16 --> 00:42:20
			regulate our own emotions. And
this is something that's very
		
00:42:20 --> 00:42:24
			often done in counseling, right,
psycho spiritual counseling, not
		
00:42:24 --> 00:42:28
			talking about secular counseling,
which can be very different. And
		
00:42:28 --> 00:42:33
			something that if I'm composed,
and I can control myself, I am
		
00:42:33 --> 00:42:37
			modeling for my child how to
control themselves in the tidal
		
00:42:37 --> 00:42:41
			waves of life when they hit,
because they will hit It's
		
00:42:41 --> 00:42:42
			inevitable.
		
00:42:43 --> 00:42:47
			That but if they viewed me and
learned from me through
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:50
			observational learning, like
Albert Bandura, talks about, he
		
00:42:50 --> 00:42:53
			talks about observational learning
children learn by watching you,
		
00:42:53 --> 00:42:57
			for the first decade of their
life, all they really have is you,
		
00:42:58 --> 00:43:03
			they have no choice. So if all
they're seeing is a dysregulated
		
00:43:03 --> 00:43:06
			nervous system, and adults who
when they get upset, they yell at
		
00:43:06 --> 00:43:09
			them, it forced them to do things
they don't want to do, and they're
		
00:43:09 --> 00:43:10
			not being heard.
		
00:43:11 --> 00:43:15
			So like, as I was saying, they
also are leaders in a sense, we
		
00:43:15 --> 00:43:19
			have to listen to them. But we're
shepherds, we are guiding them,
		
00:43:19 --> 00:43:24
			I'm providing the lanes on the
road, so that they don't swerve in
		
00:43:24 --> 00:43:27
			the wrong direction and go too
far. That will lead them astray.
		
00:43:28 --> 00:43:32
			I'm there to like, nurture them
back and bring them back lovingly.
		
00:43:33 --> 00:43:36
			Right? Because I'm able to, again,
stay composed.
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:42
			And I'm aligned with my values and
my principles, I act from a place
		
00:43:42 --> 00:43:47
			of principle, not based on how I
feel, and what I want to do or not
		
00:43:47 --> 00:43:47
			do.
		
00:43:49 --> 00:43:53
			So I think this is this is really
key in in just keeping in mind
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:56
			that our faith is about long term
game.
		
00:43:57 --> 00:44:00
			And perhaps in this dunya short
term loss.
		
00:44:02 --> 00:44:05
			And we have to be able to explain
this, you're gonna you're gonna
		
00:44:05 --> 00:44:08
			perceiving the lose some things.
		
00:44:09 --> 00:44:13
			You might you might lose some fun,
you might lose some opportunities,
		
00:44:13 --> 00:44:17
			but were they actually beneficial
opportunities in the long term.
		
00:44:18 --> 00:44:22
			You may lose some popularity and
fame. You may not be in the
		
00:44:22 --> 00:44:26
			spotlight, but that's not what we
desire anyways. Right? Because if
		
00:44:26 --> 00:44:31
			we're people of principle, it's
about what Allah thinks of us. And
		
00:44:31 --> 00:44:35
			where my standing is with Allah
subhanaw taala in the effort, and
		
00:44:35 --> 00:44:39
			this is exactly what I'm talking
about is installing this mindset
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:45
			into your family's minds. It's
like a filtration system, to seek
		
00:44:45 --> 00:44:50
			out long term gain with Ramadan
coming, teaching your child
		
00:44:50 --> 00:44:53
			everything that you're going to
gain at the end of this month,
		
00:44:53 --> 00:44:58
			experientially and having many
conversations with them about what
		
00:44:58 --> 00:44:59
			it is that they're gaining.
		
00:45:01 --> 00:45:03
			This is connecting them to their
Wi Fi.
		
00:45:05 --> 00:45:09
			And with that, I will stop here so
that we can hear from
		
00:45:19 --> 00:45:19
			them
		
00:45:28 --> 00:45:33
			a sound like everyone hear me. I
was invited here to be on the
		
00:45:33 --> 00:45:37
			parents panel. So I'll talk a
little bit about parenting. It's
		
00:45:37 --> 00:45:40
			nice to see these kids here. I
know many of you, amen. saw
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:44
			Michael Hayden, I remember being
your age. And that's where I'll
		
00:45:44 --> 00:45:46
			start. I remember
		
00:45:47 --> 00:45:51
			thinking about Christmas, and how
exciting it was because I didn't
		
00:45:51 --> 00:45:53
			have a lot of Muslim family around
me.
		
00:45:55 --> 00:45:59
			And, you know, spent 25 years in
corporate America. And one thing I
		
00:45:59 --> 00:46:04
			noticed is that every the week of
Thanksgiving, things kind of
		
00:46:04 --> 00:46:08
			change. Nobody can put their
finger on it. But in the office
		
00:46:08 --> 00:46:11
			environment and things kind of
change, all the stressed out
		
00:46:11 --> 00:46:13
			people is kind of chill out.
		
00:46:15 --> 00:46:18
			And then they start thinking about
family health, think about their
		
00:46:18 --> 00:46:20
			bonuses, they're worried about
their bonus, because I've spent
		
00:46:20 --> 00:46:26
			money that comes later in the year
after Christmas. And I just and I
		
00:46:26 --> 00:46:29
			watched them, you know, because I
didn't really feel a lot of things
		
00:46:29 --> 00:46:32
			about Ramadan. I didn't have any
feelings in my heart.
		
00:46:33 --> 00:46:37
			It's kind of dead. My teachers
would talk about looking forward
		
00:46:37 --> 00:46:39
			to Ramadan. And I'll be like,
		
00:46:40 --> 00:46:45
			Why is my heart NOT? NOT
connected. But I feel people
		
00:46:45 --> 00:46:49
			around me feel freer for
Christmas. So I felt like I'm
		
00:46:49 --> 00:46:52
			neither here nor there. I don't
belong here. I don't belong there.
		
00:46:52 --> 00:46:55
			I don't feel it for Christmas. But
I can observe them. Like I can
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:59
			observe a bunch of, you know, like
a society like anthropologists
		
00:46:59 --> 00:47:03
			kind of observing them. And one
thing I realized what they do is
		
00:47:03 --> 00:47:06
			they number one, they slow down. I
really slow down.
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:10
			You know, the thing that's has to
be like really urgently done, it
		
00:47:10 --> 00:47:14
			doesn't get done. It's okay. It's
alright. They're kind of chill.
		
00:47:14 --> 00:47:17
			It's almost like your parent is
like, Man, I know, he's gonna get
		
00:47:17 --> 00:47:20
			mad at me. But wow, he's kind of
chilled today. I got away with
		
00:47:20 --> 00:47:25
			one. You know, the boss is kind of
like that. Number two, the kind of
		
00:47:25 --> 00:47:29
			brief. They take a long term look,
they don't, they're not going to
		
00:47:29 --> 00:47:32
			hire an interviewer and do those
things in December. It's like now
		
00:47:32 --> 00:47:34
			December is not for that. We're
gonna worry about that at the end
		
00:47:34 --> 00:47:36
			of the year. It kind of chill out.
		
00:47:37 --> 00:47:42
			What else do they do? They? They
listen more. They listen to each
		
00:47:42 --> 00:47:44
			other. Instead of just work. It's
about family. Hey, how are your
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:48
			kids doing? Where are you going on
vacation? Where are you going to
		
00:47:48 --> 00:47:51
			spend Christmas to kind of listen,
because they're, they're
		
00:47:51 --> 00:47:54
			interested in something else.
Right? All of a sudden, they're
		
00:47:54 --> 00:47:57
			interested in something else. And
then what they do is they
		
00:47:59 --> 00:48:02
			they sort of enjoy each other.
They're really listening. You
		
00:48:02 --> 00:48:05
			know, it's not like, Hey, Bob, how
you kids are on the other end.
		
00:48:05 --> 00:48:09
			Your half sentence? Hey, my kids.
Oh, okay. Bye. See ya. He just
		
00:48:09 --> 00:48:13
			gets off the elevator and leaves.
They actually enjoy each other's
		
00:48:13 --> 00:48:16
			words. They enjoy each other's
companies. Another thing is they
		
00:48:16 --> 00:48:20
			feel a sense of love. They feel a
sense of love for humanity. And
		
00:48:20 --> 00:48:23
			because I'm the person that's in
the office, and I see them every
		
00:48:23 --> 00:48:26
			day, you know, they kind of feel
like they have a little more love
		
00:48:26 --> 00:48:26
			for me.
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:31
			So it's kind of interesting,
right? So if you're not connected
		
00:48:31 --> 00:48:37
			to their society, you can
definitely feel a change. So what
		
00:48:37 --> 00:48:41
			I did was wonder why that change
didn't happen. My heart. I
		
00:48:41 --> 00:48:50
			remember when I was 12 years old.
I was amens Ah, are you 1211 1312
		
00:48:51 --> 00:48:52
			Star Wars came out.
		
00:48:53 --> 00:48:56
			That was cool, right? I didn't
know how good Star Wars would be.
		
00:48:56 --> 00:49:01
			But then I remember when the
second one came out. Number five,
		
00:49:01 --> 00:49:05
			right? They called number five
now. Empire Strikes Back, man, I
		
00:49:05 --> 00:49:08
			was excited. But what's wrong with
me? I don't look forward to
		
00:49:08 --> 00:49:09
			Ramadan like that.
		
00:49:10 --> 00:49:10
			What's wrong?
		
00:49:12 --> 00:49:16
			You know, I wondered. I wondered,
because people didn't talk to me
		
00:49:16 --> 00:49:19
			about what's the SR have I said,
people didn't talk about the why
		
00:49:20 --> 00:49:21
			they talk to
		
00:49:22 --> 00:49:28
			do this do that. But not the why.
So leaving Islam becomes a huge
		
00:49:28 --> 00:49:33
			door just becomes a huge door. And
it's sad because you have to do
		
00:49:33 --> 00:49:36
			Towba for your days. So
		
00:49:38 --> 00:49:42
			it's hard being a parent. Now, but
I look back to myself. It was
		
00:49:42 --> 00:49:47
			always hard. 12 was hard. 15 was
hard. 17 was hard. So my advice to
		
00:49:47 --> 00:49:53
			parents is don't fall asleep on
how hard it is to be a kid. When
		
00:49:53 --> 00:49:53
			you come home.
		
00:49:55 --> 00:49:59
			Because you're humbler you're
here. You're Muslim. If you're
		
00:49:59 --> 00:50:00
			listening
		
00:50:00 --> 00:50:02
			into the live stream. You're a
Muslim on the law. But are you
		
00:50:02 --> 00:50:05
			sure your kids are going to be a
Muslim? Are you sure they're going
		
00:50:05 --> 00:50:09
			to enjoy Ramadan? Are you sure
they're going to care?
		
00:50:11 --> 00:50:14
			I remember thinking I'm more
excited about the kickoff to the
		
00:50:14 --> 00:50:16
			football season than I am about
Ramadan.
		
00:50:17 --> 00:50:21
			I'm not happy to say that. But it
actually happened to me a lot.
		
00:50:23 --> 00:50:26
			I can't remember the score of the
first game. It's just silly. It's
		
00:50:26 --> 00:50:31
			dumb. But I'm looking forward. So
forward to that moment of the
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:34
			year. Why am I not looking forward
to Ramadan? Because I didn't know
		
00:50:34 --> 00:50:34
			the why.
		
00:50:36 --> 00:50:39
			I didn't know the why. So there's
two things you need to know you
		
00:50:39 --> 00:50:43
			need to know the why. So always
ask why. And make your parents sit
		
00:50:43 --> 00:50:50
			down. Chill out, relax, breathe,
listen, let's help each other out.
		
00:50:50 --> 00:50:52
			And the other thing you need to
know is you need to know the
		
00:50:52 --> 00:50:53
			prophets of Allah.
		
00:50:54 --> 00:50:57
			Because when you look at how
difficult his life was, you kind
		
00:50:57 --> 00:51:01
			of feel ashamed for complaining
sight. It's not that bad. I mean,
		
00:51:02 --> 00:51:06
			Mashallah. He, he suffered through
everything. And Allah subhanaw
		
00:51:06 --> 00:51:10
			taala loved him as the best of
creation. Why? So that, if you can
		
00:51:10 --> 00:51:12
			look at his life, you can bear
		
00:51:14 --> 00:51:18
			and my favorite story of as being
a parent,
		
00:51:19 --> 00:51:22
			just just my favorite story of the
Prophet salallahu Salam is very
		
00:51:22 --> 00:51:26
			simple story. It's the fact that
he sat down with a child who lost
		
00:51:26 --> 00:51:26
			his bird.
		
00:51:28 --> 00:51:31
			Like he was running in Omaha, he
had so much responsibility, war,
		
00:51:32 --> 00:51:34
			enemies went off a boon.
		
00:51:35 --> 00:51:38
			People destroying the religion,
but he cared about the kid who had
		
00:51:38 --> 00:51:44
			a bird who lost his bird, he cared
about that little heart. And if he
		
00:51:44 --> 00:51:48
			cared about that little heart, on
the street of Medina, we should
		
00:51:48 --> 00:51:49
			care about the hearts of our
children.
		
00:51:51 --> 00:51:55
			It doesn't matter what your boss
did. Come home, leave that mailbox
		
00:51:55 --> 00:51:59
			closed. I used to have a friend he
would tell me that. He would hate
		
00:51:59 --> 00:52:02
			it when his dad would grab the
mail from the mailbox and come in
		
00:52:02 --> 00:52:02
			the door.
		
00:52:04 --> 00:52:07
			Because he saw the bills, he got
stressed out and then come in
		
00:52:07 --> 00:52:12
			angry. But take it out on somebody
that's tyrannical. Like what did
		
00:52:12 --> 00:52:16
			those children do to deserve your
anger, you've taken out the anger
		
00:52:16 --> 00:52:19
			of the whole day on to the kids
and they're happy to see you.
		
00:52:20 --> 00:52:21
			They're supposed to be happy to
see you.
		
00:52:23 --> 00:52:25
			I know someone who told me that
when the garage door opens.
		
00:52:27 --> 00:52:27
			They just go
		
00:52:29 --> 00:52:30
			bad.
		
00:52:34 --> 00:52:35
			Dad's home.
		
00:52:37 --> 00:52:42
			Just brutal, right? But they love
we parents love our children. I
		
00:52:42 --> 00:52:45
			can honestly tell you that father
loved his children. I know, I know
		
00:52:45 --> 00:52:46
			who those children were.
		
00:52:48 --> 00:52:51
			And I know that Father, I went to
college with him. He loved his
		
00:52:51 --> 00:52:54
			children, but he didn't stop and
think.
		
00:52:55 --> 00:52:59
			And so humbler, we have the
ability to stop and think
		
00:53:00 --> 00:53:03
			we have the ability to look at
Ramadan and say, You know what,
		
00:53:03 --> 00:53:06
			tonight tonight, we can be 10%
better.
		
00:53:07 --> 00:53:11
			But by the time Ramadan starts, we
can be 20% better.
		
00:53:12 --> 00:53:16
			Just let's start to breathe. Let's
start to chill out.
		
00:53:18 --> 00:53:19
			Let's start to
		
00:53:20 --> 00:53:24
			maybe two kids could not fight,
throw paint on each other, have a
		
00:53:24 --> 00:53:27
			food fight and dad comes home that
would help. That would help. And
		
00:53:27 --> 00:53:31
			maybe the dad not check the bills.
When he comes home. That would
		
00:53:31 --> 00:53:34
			help. Right? We can all help each
other out because it's hard being
		
00:53:34 --> 00:53:40
			a parent. It's hard being a kid.
So humbler? You know, I raised my
		
00:53:40 --> 00:53:43
			children. I have three boys. Some
of you know them, Mashallah. And
		
00:53:43 --> 00:53:48
			my goal was a simple goal. Don't
let them get lost like I did.
		
00:53:49 --> 00:53:54
			Don't do what I did. Make sure
you're looking at that little lamp
		
00:53:54 --> 00:53:57
			in their heart and make sure that
you're killing it. You're working.
		
00:53:58 --> 00:54:01
			And I need to ask them, you know,
if I'm taking you over here on
		
00:54:01 --> 00:54:05
			Friday night, you want to be here.
I got to find I can't just force
		
00:54:05 --> 00:54:08
			you over here. You're not gonna
like it. So I try to take them
		
00:54:08 --> 00:54:12
			places they, they, they liked,
tried to do things they liked. So
		
00:54:12 --> 00:54:17
			what can we do for Ramadan? We can
enjoy our community. We can have a
		
00:54:17 --> 00:54:22
			moon sighting festival. We can go
out there. And if you don't have
		
00:54:22 --> 00:54:26
			community you don't know. There's
two places in the Bay Area maybe
		
00:54:26 --> 00:54:29
			three now. But Lawrence Livermore
Labs there's an entire bunch of
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:33
			families that come from one
siding. So in the community CO out
		
00:54:33 --> 00:54:38
			there, take treats, give children
a great great night. Great
		
00:54:38 --> 00:54:39
			beginning to Ramadan
		
00:54:41 --> 00:54:45
			bake cookies for your neighbors.
Tell them that this is a Ramadan
		
00:54:45 --> 00:54:48
			treat for you and see you know,
mashallah just spread the baraka
		
00:54:49 --> 00:54:49
			bake with them.
		
00:54:51 --> 00:54:55
			Decorate I know a family that had
a sugar jar. So every night before
		
00:54:55 --> 00:54:59
			Ramadan, they would like write
little gratitude slips and Siobhan
		
00:54:59 --> 00:55:00
			then they
		
00:55:00 --> 00:55:02
			would take those slips they would
make them into a chamber with
		
00:55:02 --> 00:55:05
			decorate about the door. You go to
the house, you're like, what does
		
00:55:05 --> 00:55:08
			that change, like all the sugar
that our family has before Ramadan
		
00:55:08 --> 00:55:12
			starts, it's kind of like aiming
your gun, you want to aim your gun
		
00:55:12 --> 00:55:17
			before you shoot it, just kind of
line it up this way, line up this
		
00:55:17 --> 00:55:21
			way or it's gonna miss. So
hamdulillah there's a lot of
		
00:55:21 --> 00:55:24
			things we can talk about. I'm so
proud of you guys to be here. I
		
00:55:24 --> 00:55:29
			mean, God knows where I was on a
Friday night. You know, probably
		
00:55:29 --> 00:55:32
			out with my skateboard when I was
12 Waiting for Star Wars to come.
		
00:55:34 --> 00:55:38
			And mashallah, there's. So my
advice for parents.
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:43
			Before you have parents before you
have children, or even after you
		
00:55:43 --> 00:55:46
			have children, or even tonight, if
you haven't done it, you got to
		
00:55:46 --> 00:55:50
			get on the same page, you've got
to get on the same page. And
		
00:55:50 --> 00:55:54
			there's one very, very important
reason for that is because the
		
00:55:54 --> 00:55:57
			mother is the teacher, she's the
nurturer. But the father is the
		
00:55:57 --> 00:55:58
			validator.
		
00:55:59 --> 00:56:03
			Right. If you type into a file,
and you work all day, and you type
		
00:56:03 --> 00:56:06
			something, and you don't save it,
you just close it, it's gone. So
		
00:56:06 --> 00:56:10
			the mother does all the typing,
she nurtures the children, and the
		
00:56:10 --> 00:56:15
			father comes and says close, boom,
done, religions gone. But if a
		
00:56:15 --> 00:56:20
			father says say, everything gets
saved, so the children look to the
		
00:56:20 --> 00:56:24
			mother for learning, they look to
the Father for validation. Valid,
		
00:56:24 --> 00:56:27
			the father can just delete
everything if he's not on the same
		
00:56:27 --> 00:56:28
			page. So get on the same page.
		
00:56:30 --> 00:56:34
			Teach with love. Just remember one
story. If you have children, just
		
00:56:34 --> 00:56:36
			remember the prophets Allah Allah
with some of them sitting with us
		
00:56:37 --> 00:56:39
			with someone else's child because
of their bird.
		
00:56:43 --> 00:56:47
			And make the home you know, the
home Islam has to work. If your
		
00:56:47 --> 00:56:50
			children are seeing that Islam is
not working in the home, parents
		
00:56:50 --> 00:56:55
			don't get along in law, battles,
whatever, God knows, whatever, you
		
00:56:55 --> 00:57:00
			know, I'm sure the therapists know
all about these stories. Islam has
		
00:57:00 --> 00:57:04
			to work in the home otherwise,
you're opening a big wide door, a
		
00:57:04 --> 00:57:07
			truck can drive through it, kids
just going to take Islam and just
		
00:57:07 --> 00:57:11
			leave. Right So Islam has to work
as parents we have to make Islam
		
00:57:11 --> 00:57:15
			work mashallah, you know, I see
the parents bringing you guys
		
00:57:15 --> 00:57:18
			here, when children play and make
noise, hey, let them play and make
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:22
			noise. They're happy to jumping
around the mosque. I wasn't even
		
00:57:22 --> 00:57:28
			anywhere near one. So you know,
lead with that. So I mentioned a
		
00:57:28 --> 00:57:31
			couple things you know, the, the
baraka jar, the chain, you can
		
00:57:31 --> 00:57:36
			make a light the house, get
lanterns, do an art project and
		
00:57:36 --> 00:57:36
			then decorate.
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:42
			They put the with the kids and
share the cookies. Go and go
		
00:57:42 --> 00:57:46
			before Ramadan. I work in a food
bank, just to prepare your mind
		
00:57:46 --> 00:57:51
			for how hungry people are. Go to a
food bank and work there and see
		
00:57:51 --> 00:57:56
			people come by and get food just
the morsel, a morsel of food that
		
00:57:56 --> 00:57:59
			goes into a hungry person's belly.
Because you know, it's far greater
		
00:57:59 --> 00:58:03
			than our fasting morsels. And we
know how sweet dates tastes after
		
00:58:03 --> 00:58:09
			Ramadan. The pakora has the dates
and glue of whatever you're going
		
00:58:11 --> 00:58:11
			make.
		
00:58:13 --> 00:58:18
			Make eat like eat morning. A good
a good day. You know, slow down.
		
00:58:18 --> 00:58:22
			So running around in Ramadan doing
tons of Thor's getting stressed
		
00:58:22 --> 00:58:26
			out doing groceries, slow down.
We're all we all have food on our
		
00:58:26 --> 00:58:29
			tables, invite people for simple
meals, spend time together.
		
00:58:30 --> 00:58:35
			Inshallah. So Hamidullah, you
know, I look forward, I try to
		
00:58:35 --> 00:58:39
			strive for the day that my I look
forward to Ramadan more than I
		
00:58:39 --> 00:58:42
			look forward to the next Star Wars
movie. I've outgrown those a
		
00:58:42 --> 00:58:45
			little bit. I haven't outgrown the
football, the excitement for
		
00:58:45 --> 00:58:49
			football. But why shall I look
forward to the day to strive to
		
00:58:49 --> 00:58:54
			get get as excited about Ramadan
Inshallah, I'm really excited. My
		
00:58:54 --> 00:58:56
			teachers have really put a lot of
		
00:58:57 --> 00:59:01
			knowledge in me about the why. And
so now I know, so I don't feel
		
00:59:01 --> 00:59:05
			lost. I know I'm not enjoying
Christmas. I'm observing but I'm
		
00:59:05 --> 00:59:09
			enjoying Ramadan. And then the
moon sighting party that's that's
		
00:59:09 --> 00:59:11
			out at Lawrence Livermore Lab. I
live for that. I live for that.
		
00:59:12 --> 00:59:17
			And we play some Ramadan music on
the way over my kids saying, and
		
00:59:17 --> 00:59:21
			so we really enjoy that. So just
Aquila, for being here and just
		
00:59:21 --> 00:59:27
			Sokoloff hair for listening to me,
and you know, we can all be better
		
00:59:27 --> 00:59:30
			inshallah we had we asked Allah
subhanaw taala to give us this
		
00:59:30 --> 00:59:33
			beautiful beautiful month like a
gift. It's like the weekend of the
		
00:59:33 --> 00:59:37
			year, right? weekend of the year.
You guys all look forward to the
		
00:59:37 --> 00:59:40
			weekend. But the thing is, it
can't be too too crazy and busy.
		
00:59:40 --> 00:59:44
			We've got to just enjoy each
other, enjoy the Quran, enjoy the
		
00:59:44 --> 00:59:47
			fasting, and the rest of the
common Shala and love the Prophet
		
00:59:47 --> 00:59:51
			sallallahu Sallam and think about
the boy with the bird. Salam
		
00:59:51 --> 00:59:51
			aleikum.
		
01:00:06 --> 01:00:06
			what's next?
		
01:00:09 --> 01:00:10
			Next
		
01:00:18 --> 01:00:20
			are stories about tradition?
		
01:00:21 --> 01:00:24
			How old was he? When Star Wars
came out?
		
01:00:26 --> 01:00:27
			He's not gonna say he was he was
just
		
01:00:31 --> 01:00:33
			I hate I actually hate Star Wars.
Sorry.
		
01:00:35 --> 01:00:40
			I'm an Avenger guy. So there was
an eject button. No, Matt. Yeah.
		
01:00:41 --> 01:00:43
			You have to pick either evangelist
		
01:00:47 --> 01:00:49
			Zach, hello, hey, beautiful.
		
01:00:51 --> 01:00:56
			For me, I think the family
relationship is interesting,
		
01:00:56 --> 01:00:57
			because it's
		
01:01:01 --> 01:01:06
			I was, before I was practicing, I
was young men. And I had to go to
		
01:01:06 --> 01:01:12
			a translator office to translate a
letter from Persian Farsi to
		
01:01:12 --> 01:01:17
			English back in the days to send
it to the embassy for some legal
		
01:01:17 --> 01:01:18
			work back home,
		
01:01:19 --> 01:01:22
			are sitting there. And the thing
is, sometime you remember, you
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:26
			know why remember them, because I
don't even remember what that
		
01:01:26 --> 01:01:29
			letter was that I was translating,
because it's very important, but I
		
01:01:29 --> 01:01:30
			don't remember what it was.
		
01:01:31 --> 01:01:35
			But there was a magazine, a
Persian magazine, while the guy
		
01:01:35 --> 01:01:38
			was in the waiting room in Union
City, I
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:44
			saw reading, I was reading it and
there was a chapter, there was a
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:51
			hadith of the, our pastor Salem in
one page. With the wisdom of the
		
01:01:51 --> 01:01:54
			pulse of Solomon, there was a few
Hadith but one of the Hadees that
		
01:01:54 --> 01:02:00
			really struck me, kind of like,
paradigm shift in my head was that
		
01:02:00 --> 01:02:04
			the prophets of salaam said that
they're not from my ummah from
		
01:02:04 --> 01:02:08
			amongst us, the adults who don't
have mercy
		
01:02:09 --> 01:02:14
			and love towards the children, in
the children who don't honored
		
01:02:14 --> 01:02:16
			adults. And I think
		
01:02:17 --> 01:02:23
			that is all of Islam. Like if you
want to summarize all of Islam,
		
01:02:23 --> 01:02:25
			it's a love
		
01:02:26 --> 01:02:31
			in honourable relationship between
the children and parents. And
		
01:02:31 --> 01:02:35
			those parents who disrespect those
children will be suspect their
		
01:02:35 --> 01:02:36
			parents.
		
01:02:38 --> 01:02:42
			There's no good in them. There's
no good in them, like, and they
		
01:02:42 --> 01:02:46
			won't see any good because I lost
I'm gonna give tofi to those kids
		
01:02:46 --> 01:02:51
			who disrespect their parents. But
if they have patience, and have
		
01:02:51 --> 01:02:56
			love, and they have adult, Allah
will open up the heart of even the
		
01:02:56 --> 01:03:00
			parents that are rigid. And those
who don't, there are some parents,
		
01:03:01 --> 01:03:05
			unfortunately, the they're not on
a prophetic path, but
		
01:03:06 --> 01:03:07
			you can
		
01:03:12 --> 01:03:17
			you can kill with kindness like
this in this culture. And, and for
		
01:03:17 --> 01:03:20
			children, I tell you something,
you know,
		
01:03:24 --> 01:03:28
			you have to know how to say
something to your parents.
		
01:03:29 --> 01:03:31
			It's not what you say it's how you
say it.
		
01:03:32 --> 01:03:36
			And it will make a big difference
in that conversation when it's
		
01:03:36 --> 01:03:40
			with love and respect that with
honor, it will be mutually love
		
01:03:40 --> 01:03:44
			and respect and honor. And, and
parents should be like friends
		
01:03:44 --> 01:03:48
			with their children. And this is
one of the tragedies of our time
		
01:03:48 --> 01:03:53
			now that people get married really
late. And traditionally is
		
01:03:53 --> 01:03:56
			encouraged that people get married
early in our tradition in Islam
		
01:03:56 --> 01:04:00
			because of salaam what are the
things you hasten is to do you
		
01:04:00 --> 01:04:04
			know to get married early because
by the time your child is a
		
01:04:04 --> 01:04:09
			teenager, and you know that 14
year old you know if you're in
		
01:04:09 --> 01:04:13
			your late 40s In that time, and he
said Hey Bob, I want to play
		
01:04:13 --> 01:04:16
			basketball, I want to play
football and
		
01:04:17 --> 01:04:22
			I can you know 15 minutes you're
out then he's gonna find somebody
		
01:04:22 --> 01:04:26
			on the court who becomes his
father, like and that's the big
		
01:04:26 --> 01:04:29
			problem that you can't if you're
not there playing basketball with
		
01:04:29 --> 01:04:34
			your son or playing football with
your son or or you know running or
		
01:04:34 --> 01:04:37
			wrestling or having they're going
to find somebody else to do that
		
01:04:37 --> 01:04:42
			way. And that's very important
that we encourage our children in
		
01:04:42 --> 01:04:46
			the future inshallah that the next
generation. They don't wait till
		
01:04:46 --> 01:04:49
			Oh, I have to wait for this. I
have to wait for that after wait
		
01:04:49 --> 01:04:53
			for this until I get married that
they get married at a younger age
		
01:04:53 --> 01:04:58
			and start their life Allah will
put back in their life and then so
		
01:04:58 --> 01:04:59
			they are you know
		
01:05:00 --> 01:05:07
			They have a relationship and the
language barrier. And the social
		
01:05:07 --> 01:05:10
			life barrier is not so much where
they don't understand. So I'll
		
01:05:10 --> 01:05:11
			give an example.
		
01:05:13 --> 01:05:19
			Majority of these kids in this age
right now, the Muslim kids, the
		
01:05:19 --> 01:05:26
			parents have no idea about what
they know, in terms of just social
		
01:05:26 --> 01:05:30
			media, like the amount of
knowledge they have, like we
		
01:05:30 --> 01:05:35
			wouldn't even be able to like,
login to some of these stuff. Like
		
01:05:35 --> 01:05:39
			if somebody was saying, Tik Tok
tock, I said, the show, they're
		
01:05:39 --> 01:05:42
			showing me, I think you should do
this for your business. And I
		
01:05:42 --> 01:05:45
			watched it for like, 15 minutes,
actually. And I said, How do you
		
01:05:45 --> 01:05:49
			even start, and they were like,
this little kid, it was just going
		
01:05:49 --> 01:05:52
			to do, I'm going to do this. And I
go like this. And he made a video
		
01:05:52 --> 01:05:56
			and he's here, read this, how you
posted? I swear, I couldn't figure
		
01:05:56 --> 01:06:00
			it out. I can't even look at the
remote. For the TV. As a call, my
		
01:06:00 --> 01:06:04
			kids can turn on the, you know, we
have to watch something. We don't
		
01:06:04 --> 01:06:09
			have cable Hamdulillah we I
stopped having TV at the house.
		
01:06:10 --> 01:06:13
			When I was when I first started
practicing. No TV, no cable, but
		
01:06:13 --> 01:06:17
			then we have TV web, no cable
hamdulillah if we need to see
		
01:06:17 --> 01:06:20
			something like because my kids,
they want to watch the highlights
		
01:06:20 --> 01:06:26
			from the NBA. So we do that, but I
can't figure it out. I can't turn
		
01:06:26 --> 01:06:30
			on the Odyssey is the remotes are
so complicated now is like how do
		
01:06:30 --> 01:06:36
			you go through all these menus? Or
how do you even work the PS five,
		
01:06:36 --> 01:06:39
			like as soon as they do this? It's
so complicated. Just looking at
		
01:06:39 --> 01:06:43
			it. It just drives you nuts. So
that gap.
		
01:06:45 --> 01:06:51
			So how do you even like that gap
is so much where we are. But if
		
01:06:51 --> 01:06:56
			that gap is closed, and they know
what's happening, and that
		
01:06:56 --> 01:06:59
			communication becomes, you know,
and I tell you something? What do
		
01:06:59 --> 01:07:02
			you guys talk about your job of
when you go to school sometime?
		
01:07:02 --> 01:07:07
			You drive for like 20 minutes, 30
minutes with a kid. And there's
		
01:07:07 --> 01:07:10
			nothing you can talk about? Like
literally like
		
01:07:12 --> 01:07:15
			zoom like imprisoned. Zoom means
that you're silent.
		
01:07:17 --> 01:07:22
			So you just like sitting there?
No, nothing? Because I don't have.
		
01:07:23 --> 01:07:26
			I don't I don't know if people
think I'm crazy. But I don't
		
01:07:26 --> 01:07:26
			listen to music.
		
01:07:29 --> 01:07:35
			Yeah. So, but it's just like, What
do you talk about? So I realized
		
01:07:35 --> 01:07:38
			that you have to talk about
something that they are interested
		
01:07:38 --> 01:07:42
			in. Not something that Eurasia
people, you know, one of my
		
01:07:42 --> 01:07:46
			favorite thing, we all had that
aha, and I was teaching a class on
		
01:07:46 --> 01:07:51
			poetry. And so somebody went to my
kid, and they said, Oh, does that
		
01:07:51 --> 01:07:55
			tell you all the Rumi story? And
he gives you his? And my son was
		
01:07:55 --> 01:08:00
			just like us, us young. He said,
No, he's my dad.
		
01:08:02 --> 01:08:02
			Like,
		
01:08:03 --> 01:08:07
			what are you talking about? But
that's what that is supposed to
		
01:08:07 --> 01:08:12
			be. That's supposed to be there in
you know, a few days and you know,
		
01:08:12 --> 01:08:16
			just have a good time, have a
relationship where you can talk
		
01:08:16 --> 01:08:20
			with each other. You know, and I
tell you something,
		
01:08:21 --> 01:08:27
			if your kid is holding on to you,
is like bah, bah, bah, mama, mama,
		
01:08:27 --> 01:08:29
			and you're on your phones, hold
on, hold on, hold on.
		
01:08:30 --> 01:08:35
			That would reverse in about 10
years. And it'd be sunsetted Hold
		
01:08:35 --> 01:08:39
			on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
It's exactly what's going to
		
01:08:39 --> 01:08:43
			happen. So you have to give them
the time now, pay attention to
		
01:08:43 --> 01:08:46
			them, become free to have
something to talk about whatever
		
01:08:46 --> 01:08:51
			they're interested, I swear to
you, I hated sports. After I
		
01:08:51 --> 01:08:54
			stopped watching, you know, throw
away my TV and stuff. When I
		
01:08:54 --> 01:08:59
			started practicing. I just when I
just stopped watching everything.
		
01:08:59 --> 01:09:03
			I was just I didn't want wasn't
interested. But I started learning
		
01:09:03 --> 01:09:07
			about basketball because I just my
son liked basketball. So I want to
		
01:09:07 --> 01:09:11
			learn about it. I want to go to
New superstars and and so we can
		
01:09:11 --> 01:09:15
			have a conversation. Other than
not, what are you going to talk
		
01:09:15 --> 01:09:18
			about with your children, like
about what you're interested in
		
01:09:18 --> 01:09:23
			only now. So if we show interest
in them and learn what they're
		
01:09:23 --> 01:09:27
			interested in, and have some kind
of common grounds with this
		
01:09:27 --> 01:09:31
			conversation, and in those
conversation, things will come out
		
01:09:31 --> 01:09:34
			and you they will start telling
you once you become friends with
		
01:09:34 --> 01:09:37
			them. And there has to be a
friendship and children should
		
01:09:37 --> 01:09:41
			learn something about their
parents. And that's love if you
		
01:09:41 --> 01:09:45
			love your mommy we love you that
if they're if they're doing
		
01:09:45 --> 01:09:49
			coding, just show some interest of
ours was coding Listen, show me
		
01:09:49 --> 01:09:52
			how it works. Can you do something
like this if there are doctors say
		
01:09:52 --> 01:09:55
			hey, tell me about what happened
the hospital like you know the
		
01:09:55 --> 01:09:59
			people get sick. How do you fix it
you booked so show some interest
		
01:09:59 --> 01:09:59
			in what they do.
		
01:10:00 --> 01:10:04
			And parents show inches with with
their kids. That is a functional
		
01:10:04 --> 01:10:07
			family where everybody is
interested in everybody. And
		
01:10:07 --> 01:10:14
			relationships are never one way.
It's two ways, right? It's two
		
01:10:14 --> 01:10:18
			ways. This is a Turkish man when
to ask for a girl and said, I want
		
01:10:18 --> 01:10:20
			to marry her. And he came back
when we're happy. He said, What
		
01:10:20 --> 01:10:25
			happened? Did they say? Is it? Is
it 100%? Confirm? He said, No. 50%
		
01:10:25 --> 01:10:29
			Confirm. So what do you mean? 50%?
He said me and my family said yes,
		
01:10:29 --> 01:10:33
			them and their family said no. But
that's, that's not a relationship.
		
01:10:34 --> 01:10:39
			A relationship is when both is
mutually, both are interested in.
		
01:10:39 --> 01:10:41
			So may Allah make us amongst
people
		
01:10:42 --> 01:10:48
			that we actually think, when our
child is 12 Let me think when I
		
01:10:48 --> 01:10:53
			was 12, what grade was I in? What
was I doing? How could i How could
		
01:10:53 --> 01:10:57
			I deal with my son, so at every
stage of life, just think where
		
01:10:57 --> 01:11:02
			you were, and I tell you
something, I always say, my they
		
01:11:02 --> 01:11:06
			are better than the than the
parents. And that is that there
		
01:11:06 --> 01:11:10
			and because the parents are worse
than the kids. So just be grateful
		
01:11:10 --> 01:11:13
			to Alhamdulillah and just have a
relationship with them. Insha
		
01:11:13 --> 01:11:17
			Allah that that that is mutually
the children as well. Love and
		
01:11:17 --> 01:11:21
			respect your parents. The greatest
gift Allah has given you is your
		
01:11:21 --> 01:11:25
			parents and you want to new know
the value of it until you lose him
		
01:11:25 --> 01:11:28
			and Allah don't make you lose your
parents. But once they're gone,
		
01:11:29 --> 01:11:31
			it's too late and they're going to
you're gonna have you're going to
		
01:11:31 --> 01:11:34
			regret for the rest of your life
and the same with the parents
		
01:11:34 --> 01:11:38
			cherish you and your children are
treasured Allah has given you you
		
01:11:38 --> 01:11:41
			don't know the value of a block
other law, you can't even think
		
01:11:41 --> 01:11:45
			about losing your children because
it's you become hollow and you
		
01:11:45 --> 01:11:49
			know it because you will die with
them. The parents will die with
		
01:11:49 --> 01:11:53
			the child. And that's that's the
nature of of this world. That's
		
01:11:53 --> 01:11:58
			how Allah made it. So may Allah
protect the families, have mercy,
		
01:11:58 --> 01:12:03
			have love with each other, respect
each other, honor each other, you
		
01:12:03 --> 01:12:08
			know, eat together, pray together,
have fun together, watch a movie
		
01:12:08 --> 01:12:11
			together everything within the
boundaries of Sharia, but just
		
01:12:12 --> 01:12:17
			have fun to like, have real fun
with your kids. If you're strong
		
01:12:17 --> 01:12:20
			enough. wrestle them you know,
see, show them like who's the man
		
01:12:20 --> 01:12:24
			in the house? Right? Yeah, it was
the boss handle Zakah Hey, you
		
01:12:24 --> 01:12:26
			want to end this inshallah? I can?
		
01:12:33 --> 01:12:37
			Sure, Inshallah, we'll wrap up
soon. And thank you everyone for
		
01:12:37 --> 01:12:40
			being here. Thank you to our
esteemed panelists. May Allah
		
01:12:40 --> 01:12:45
			reward all of you, as Michelle
brothers Isha and voodoo and
		
01:12:45 --> 01:12:48
			sister have over speaking a lot of
different thoughts. I'm sure were
		
01:12:48 --> 01:12:51
			coming to your mind, just as they
weren't in my mind. But I think as
		
01:12:51 --> 01:12:55
			we look forward to planning for
Ramadan, one of the, you know,
		
01:12:56 --> 01:13:00
			advices I can give all of your
takeaway is to come up with a
		
01:13:00 --> 01:13:04
			plan, a family plan, please, come
strategize don't squander this
		
01:13:04 --> 01:13:07
			moment, right. Today was, of
course, earlier today was NIFS.
		
01:13:07 --> 01:13:12
			Shaban and this is a blessed day
for many reasons. But it's also a
		
01:13:12 --> 01:13:15
			day where we don't know I was
reminded today from another
		
01:13:15 --> 01:13:18
			teacher, we actually don't know if
we're going to see them alone.
		
01:13:18 --> 01:13:22
			None of us have a guarantee, not
one of us can say that we will
		
01:13:22 --> 01:13:25
			actually welcome the month of
Ramadan, right. And when you have
		
01:13:25 --> 01:13:29
			that hyper vigilance of your own,
you know, mortality and the
		
01:13:29 --> 01:13:32
			possibilities, which are only
Allah knows that what it does is
		
01:13:32 --> 01:13:36
			it makes you take your life more
seriously and to start
		
01:13:36 --> 01:13:39
			appreciating everything you have,
including your family. So don't
		
01:13:39 --> 01:13:44
			squander this these next two weeks
with just you know, going right
		
01:13:44 --> 01:13:48
			back to, to work and everything
else because Shaban one of its
		
01:13:48 --> 01:13:51
			names is it's the forgotten or
neglected month. People become
		
01:13:51 --> 01:13:54
			careless at this time. And then
Ramadan suddenly comes and all of
		
01:13:54 --> 01:13:57
			a sudden, we're in a frenzy and
we're panicking, go get me go get
		
01:13:57 --> 01:13:59
			dates and everybody's kind of
running around and nobody's happy.
		
01:14:00 --> 01:14:04
			You have two weeks to come up with
a family plan which is let's have
		
01:14:04 --> 01:14:07
			let's talk about what we're going
to do. How are we going to embrace
		
01:14:07 --> 01:14:11
			this month Inshallah, if Allah
rewards us with it, and how are we
		
01:14:11 --> 01:14:14
			going to come together as a
family. So some of the basic
		
01:14:14 --> 01:14:18
			things that I can offer you just
for my own family, is make sure
		
01:14:18 --> 01:14:21
			you pray your prayers together,
please, if you are home, some of
		
01:14:21 --> 01:14:24
			us are still working from home
because of COVID. Please make it a
		
01:14:24 --> 01:14:27
			commitment in the month of
Ramadan, that the family prays
		
01:14:27 --> 01:14:31
			together for the men, you are the
Imam of the household, lead your
		
01:14:31 --> 01:14:35
			family in prayer, please take that
leadership seriously. Don't just,
		
01:14:35 --> 01:14:39
			you know, delegate it to someone
else. And for the women, as well
		
01:14:39 --> 01:14:44
			support your children. Remind them
gently to prepare for prayer not
		
01:14:44 --> 01:14:47
			five minutes before the event, but
remind them during the day do you
		
01:14:47 --> 01:14:50
			have will do we're gonna pray
soon. Give them those gentle
		
01:14:50 --> 01:14:53
			reminders so that when the prayer
comes, everybody's ready and we're
		
01:14:53 --> 01:14:57
			not rushing for Fudger to the same
thing. Gently wake each other up
		
01:14:57 --> 01:15:00
			have nice alarms, you know, have
some
		
01:15:00 --> 01:15:02
			someone designated as the Fudger
person and there's always someone
		
01:15:02 --> 01:15:05
			in the family, there's someone who
always wakes up early and can do
		
01:15:05 --> 01:15:09
			it, designate them the gentle
person who wakes everybody up
		
01:15:09 --> 01:15:13
			gently for Fudger. Because we
should do everything with with
		
01:15:13 --> 01:15:16
			ease, right? If ease is removed,
then it becomes
		
01:15:17 --> 01:15:20
			we don't have to fit. So do things
like that. And of course, you
		
01:15:20 --> 01:15:23
			know, give roles to each other. So
for the children, young children,
		
01:15:23 --> 01:15:27
			give them the role of preparing
the dates for the Athar, please,
		
01:15:27 --> 01:15:29
			like think of these things, the
leadership roles that I was
		
01:15:29 --> 01:15:33
			talking about earlier, start
treating your children with more
		
01:15:33 --> 01:15:36
			respect and give them these roles,
and watch how they'll come up and
		
01:15:36 --> 01:15:40
			measure up instead of for the
women we always take so much on
		
01:15:40 --> 01:15:44
			ourselves, that we you know, we
over you know, we were spread too
		
01:15:44 --> 01:15:48
			thin, and then it spills over. And
it doesn't, we don't have nice,
		
01:15:48 --> 01:15:52
			beautiful homes, but we can really
start planning that now. So
		
01:15:52 --> 01:15:55
			please, and the remainder are the
remaining two weeks, have these,
		
01:15:56 --> 01:15:59
			you know, this, this agenda of how
we're going to have a beautiful
		
01:15:59 --> 01:16:04
			blessed Ramadan by strategizing by
assigning roles by really, you
		
01:16:04 --> 01:16:07
			know, calling each other the best
of each other forward and in sha
		
01:16:07 --> 01:16:10
			Allah may Allah give all of us
Sophia, just like an offhand and
		
01:16:10 --> 01:16:13
			again thank you to all of our
panelists. Thank you to MCC thank
		
01:16:13 --> 01:16:16
			you to all the viewers for
watching on live inshallah we are
		
01:16:16 --> 01:16:21
			going to have our other program
which was initially you know, we
		
01:16:21 --> 01:16:25
			were hoping to do the parents
don't understand third installment
		
01:16:25 --> 01:16:30
			of that, but we've decided to wait
for that after I don't want to
		
01:16:30 --> 01:16:33
			shell so please look at the
newsletter. We'll update all of
		
01:16:33 --> 01:16:36
			that but a handler, our esteemed
panelists were able to come and
		
01:16:36 --> 01:16:39
			join us for this event so just
like I'm located your questions by
		
01:16:39 --> 01:16:42
			the way that you submitted will be
answered at that at that panel
		
01:16:42 --> 01:16:45
			discussion inshallah. So please
keep sending in your questions we
		
01:16:45 --> 01:16:48
			have reading all of them and we
will answer those questions just
		
01:16:48 --> 01:16:51
			knock them off at it we're gonna
pray isha soon so I don't know if
		
01:16:51 --> 01:16:55
			it says anything can you close
this out in dot? You want to close
		
01:16:55 --> 01:16:56
			this out and die inshallah
		
01:17:00 --> 01:17:02
			Well, I surrender in Santa Fe
hospital
		
01:17:07 --> 01:17:10
			out of belonging to me, because
it's time for Isha and Charlotte.
		
01:17:10 --> 01:17:11
			Somebody's gonna call