Haleh Banani – Free Lesson Guiding Lights The power of leadership in our community
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The speakers emphasize the importance of effective communication, leadership training, and practice to empower others. They stress the need for effective communication, leadership training, and practice to improve mental health. The success of the company in providing training for entrepreneurs and employees is also emphasized. The company is focused on creating a culture that values entrepreneurship and empowerment, and is focused on empowering people through mindfulness training and prioritizing productivity over quantity.
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Salam aleikum Warahmatullah wabarakatuh Bismillah was salat wa salam ala Rasulillah please let me know that you can hear me and we can get started Inshallah, I know that there's been a lot of talk in our community about leadership and I really want to take this time and shall I welcome those of you who are not part of the mindful Hearts Academy I welcome you. And I welcome all of you who are veterans, Mashallah. And you've been here. And first, if you give me a thumbs up, we will get started in sha Allah,
that everything is going well that you can hear me in sha Allah Bismillah. So the topic today, all right, thank you. The topic today is guiding lights, the power of leadership in our community. I want you to imagine right now,
I want you to imagine being taking a trip a vacation on on a boat, okay, and you are going on a cruise. And it's something you've been looking forward to you go you pack, you plan everything out. And while you're at sea, you have actually something that happens there's a storm, and you face a storm. And I want you to imagine, what do you expect from the captain of the ship during the storm? I'm sure all of you you get scared. There's this fear you don't know what to do. You don't feel like you were trained for this. So, what is it and I would love for your interaction because through your interaction that will give them that will feed my the energy and inshallah will be a very
interactive session. So what is it that you expect from the captain to do when you are in the storm? And there is danger and there are things going on around you? That is frightening, that could actually cause to your life. It could cost you the life of your family members. What is it that you want to do? What is it that you expect the captain to do? Now? The role of a captain, right the role of the captain in
during a storm, first of all, they have to give guidance, to have to give guidance, they themselves have to be calm, they need to be in control. They are the guiding light. And there needs to be effective communication, they have to actually be able to speak and guide people and be and play a supportive role. Now, this is so critical for everyone to follow this because if there isn't, if there isn't that what happens? What is the consequences of ignoring the crisis help, let's say there is a you people are saying, Oh, my God, there is we are about to hit this wave, there's danger. And the captain is just completely ignoring the cries of health. First of all, there will be chaos,
people will panic, if there is no leadership, then what will happen is that there will be chaos, there will be panic, there will be a loss of trust, because you feel like okay, I put my trust in this captain, I put my trust in whoever is running this. And when there is a loss of trust, and there's going to be confusion, everyone will be confused. There's going to be disunity, there's going to be fear, uncertainty, no one knows what's going on. And what ends up happening is that people will take things into their own hands, they will start taking things into their own hands. Now what happens if instead of being concerned with the safety of others, instead of being concerned
with, you know, saving everyone and navigating these troubled waters in the storm? What if the captain prioritizes self interest? What if they're just focused on themselves? Right? They are just let me save myself, let me go in the cabin, I don't want to deal with this, then there's a loss of trust, and morale, there's a loss of trust and morale, there's a decline decline. In teamwork, people start feeling like oh, my gosh, we're just we're on our own, and they feel deserted, there's a feeling of being abandoned, right? There's an abandonment, feeling of abandonment. And then there are ethical and legal consequences if the people in charge are not doing what they need to do. If
they don't take the precautions, if they don't do the things that are necessary for everyone's safety, then you find that there are also legal issues as well. And what ends up happening, if there's a loss of trust, then opposition and revolt, right? And then there's a long term damage to the reputation. Now, we find that what would a reassuring leader do if you have a leader, if you have a captain, if you have someone that is in charge, and they are actually doing what they need to do? What is it that we accept, first of all, you have to as a leader, and you know, this phase, this, the mindful Hearts Academy, which is my mentorship program is all about doing the internal
work to become the best version of yourself, right. And in this phase, it's all about leadership. And when you are playing the role of a leader, you as some of you may think, Well, I'm not necessarily a leader, I'm not a leader in my community, I'm not really like I haven't taken on a position like that. But as I keep reminding, all of you, all of you who are attending is that every single one of you is a leader. In your own capacity, you may be a leader in your family, you may be a leader in your, you know, in your school, maybe in your neighborhood, maybe within your own community, you don't necessarily have to have a title, you don't necessarily have to have a big
post, but every single one of you is a leader. And that's very critical to take ownership of that and understand that. And don't think that this lesson may not apply to you don't think Well, I'm not I'm not in a position of leadership. So this is irrelevant. Every single one of you, if you if you have children, you're a leader. If you have a spouse, you're a leader in your own capacity. And so I want you to internalize this and recognize how you can take this lesson and apply it in your own life. Right. So one of the characteristics of a reassuring leader, is that acknowledging right acknowledging the concern sometimes as a parent, you have your teenager come to you and there are
upset, they're frustrated. And they're saying, you know, Mom, you're just you're not fair. You don't let me do any of the things that you know, my friends get to do. Most, most of the time, people have this tendency to shut the person up and say, You know what, I'm, I'm in control. I'm the parent, you just listen, you follow what I say. But it makes such a difference, when you acknowledge the concern, when you validate the emotions, the feelings behind what is going on. So as a leader, if you are able to actually hear someone out, right, and acknowledge that what they're going through is difficult. Validating is not the same as agreeing, you may not agree with what the person is saying.
But you can validate their feelings, you can say that, you know, if they have, let's say, have had domestic violence in their home, don't just say, your sister Be patient, say that must be very frightening, that the person was supposed to protect you, the person who was supposed to begin to keep you away from harm is the one who's actually harming you, that must be very scary for you, that you have lost your sense of peace in your home. If someone comes to you, and shares with you, that they are, you know, they're losing their their faith and they they feel that they can't trust let's say, the people in their communities instead of just ignoring them, why not validate their feelings
and say, you know, it is very disheartening, when people that you look up to are not walking the talk, right? I mean, just validate it have clear communication, a reassuring leader will have clear communication, they will express themselves, they will actually sit down and listen to but this takes a whole lot of maturity dict this takes the ability to have difficult conversations, you know, we are living at an age where anything slightly uncomfortable, anything slightly inconvenient, is dismissed and avoided at all cost, clear communication, we have to be able to have the maturity to have a conversation to have difficult conversations with people. Not everything needs to be
pleasant, and, and cheerful or easy. We sometimes have to put ourselves in a situation where we have difficult communication, where we hear things that we don't necessarily want to hear. But when you are a true leader, you will take it, you will take that call, you will text back the person in need, you will step up and meet with the person in need. Because as a leader, we need to demonstrate that right? We have to plan and strategize, strategize. You know, a lot of times I find, yeah, and Hamdulillah. I've been in leadership roles from when I was in high school, at least seven years of intensive training class president for four years intensive leadership training, where I represented
the US and Mexico in a leadership camp, I was involved with the Hoby, the human Brian youth organization from 10th grade, and I'm very privileged and very humbled by that experience. And I don't say this to boast, but I said,
Excuse me.
I say that, to express how important the role of leadership as a servant to the community is, right? Every leadership camp I attended, every training that I've had, by high performance individuals, there's always a talk about service when a true leader because there are some people that I have seen throughout the years where they really they like the title, they like being called, let's say ambassador, or they like to have a certain position or power or fame. And we need to be careful with that because the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam has taught us the importance of ridding ourselves of any form of arrogance, right, we need to be very careful if we have a mustard seed of arrogance,
then we can't even smell Jenner. So, if we are in a position of leadership and like I said, all of us are in some capacity, then we need to make sure that we are doing it with that right intention that we are doing it as the with the motive to serve. So we have that communication you plan your strategy
Just try to come up with some kind of solution. And leading by example, I can't emphasize that enough. We have to walk the talk, what will happen, what will happen if we do not have, if we don't practice what we preach? What will happen to the people who are listening to us, if you hear someone, for instance, talking about the importance of, of health, and avoiding certain, you know, certain
junk food, and then you see them, you see them later, just having it secretly on the side there, you will take what they say seriously, if someone sits there and tells you about ethics and about honesty, and you see them lying right before your eyes, you wonder how can I listen to a person like this. So leading by example, whatever characteristic that we are talking about, we have to demonstrate it. And this is one of the things I remember,
almost 30 years ago, when I was first asked to lead a HELOC. I first saw it was by two of my Goron teachers, and I was shying away from it. I said I'm not in the position to teach, I don't want to teach I want to be a student, I want to be a student. And my teacher actually turned around and told me it said, If you do not give zakat till n if you do not get the Zakat n n, then Allah will take away the knowledge and this scared me, I said, you know, I don't want it to be taken away. And I will follow my my Quran teachers instructions to, to teach to teach within like what I know, to the best of my ability. And when we teach, and I remember, I was into Bay as a group of beautiful
sisters that I was doing the Halacha with, and they started asking for certain topics. Can you talk about this? Do you really want to hear about this, and one of the things I have said, Michael, please allow me to choose the topics, because I don't want to talk about anything that I'm not implementing. So we have to lead by example, that is the only way that we will be true to ourselves and to our Creator. Because there are people who can penetrate the heart, they may be very soft spoken, they may have that impact. But if if they are not following what they are talking about, then actually they're putting themself they may be helping others, right. It's kind of like, let's
say a, someone who is saving others, you're putting the oxygen mask on another person, but then you yourself are dying, you yourself, you're harming yourself, there are people and we are told that we need to save ourselves fit first, we do need to save ourselves, we can be so consumed with doing Dow up to help save others and and to go out there and do all of this and ourselves are drowning. That's not the point. So we have to lead by example. There is a sense of empowerment. A true leader, a true leader empowers others, they don't try to suffocate, they don't try to they don't get intimidated by them. A true leader empowers others, and then it's about providing hope. Right? As a believer, we
have no choice but to be hopeful and optimistic. So true leader will not just you know shun you will not avoid you, they will actually try to instill hope in you and give you that guidance.
Okay?
We find that Allah describes us as being a Khalifa Khalifa as a representative. And when we are, this is one of the most important positions you know, when you have a person who has been chosen as a diplomat, or they are an ambassador of a country, the amount of respect that this person has given they are given the the, you know, diplomatic, the title, they have special privileges, right, because they are representing their country. And every single one of us is a Khalifa, every single one of us and it's a huge responsibility and until we feel the weight of that responsibility, the way that you would feel a weight of a responsibility when you're maybe whether you're leading a
nation, you're leading a group of people, this is such a huge response.
sensibility that we have, we need to have, you need to be caring for the community, when you care for the community, you hear them out, you are there for them. And it's not selected. Because what a lot of times happens is that there is a selectiveness, in who is being tended to. And there's accountability and justice, this is one of the most important things that we can, that we can implement that when we have accountability, as Muslims, we know, one of the most distinguishing factors, or we're just having a talk and in the Mac conference there was in Canada, last about 10 days ago, and there was a non Muslim that I was speaking with. And one of the things I said them,
one of the most important characteristic of Islam is the accountability. When you are accountable for your actions, someone cannot, let's say they they kill someone, and then the father goes into prison. That doesn't make sense, we have individual accountability. And when we take this accountability seriously, when we recognize the weight of it, and that every single one of us is going to have to account for everything that we say everything that we feel every every impact that we have on another person, this reality should truly make us sober, like sober in a fact that we don't who do we think that we are fooling, if we take this lightly, where we may see things to harm
someone's reputation, or we may lie against another person. Anyone who does this does not take the sense of accountability, seriously enough, right? So we have to recognize that, as a Khalifa, we need to be role models. What is this role model, the role model, first and foremost, we have to live in a way that we would be proud to meet Allah. Not one fine day, not one day when I get my act together. After I've acquired wealth after I've acquired a certain amount of money, or prestige, or whatever it is, no, I am going every single day I'm going to live my life in a way that I will be a role model, I will be a role model and I will be looking forward to meeting my Creator. And only
then if we live with that God consciousness that mindfulness, that is when we can be a role model, not some fake role model, not something that we put on a show that we that we're putting on a show for others. Again, if we're putting on a show for others, we are saving them but we ourselves we are we are hanging ourself with our own rope. If we do not take heed of the things that we are saying. It's up Marone and southern berry what? Sona fossa calm. Why, Tom touch noon, Al kita AlFalah Tapi, Lord, so you are advising others to you're preaching to others, you're telling others correct your prayer, being honest, speak the truth, be kind, be generous, be loving, and then you yourself are
not following this. This is unacceptable. How how can we as practicing people say one thing and then act another? And when we finally wake up to this and it may be too late, right? It may be on the day of judgment where you say when you beg Allah Yama, please give me give me one more chance. Let me go back. Let me correct myself. Let me go back and do two records of Toba. Let me pay back the loans let me clear people's reputation, and then it will be way too late. At that moment alone, say there's no more there's no chance of going back and we have to guiding the community towards righteousness. So when we think about being a Khalifa, we need to guide others towards that
righteousness, right.
Where it's gone out of McAllen, mela Ekati in Niger and I'm Phil otter, the Khalifa Burdo attach Adolphe have a touch Adolphe Hebei upset up Hawaii at stake with Dima our national scepter who be handicapped when a party so like color in me animal Merlot Allah more. So this is the conversation that the angels are having with Allah. And this is Allah has said that he
He has created Adam. And the angels are saying, you are going to create an alignment when your Lord said to the angels indeed I will make upon the earth, a successive authority, right the Khalifa, they said, Will you place upon one who causes corruption they knew Allah had given them the knowledge that these groups of people, they are going to cause some mess. They're going to kill, they're going to fight. They're going to have animosity, jealousy, hatred, there's going to be a lot of fitna, they cause corruption and they shed blood, while we declare Your praise and sanctity. And Allah said Indeed, Allah in ne Alhama, Allah Tala more indeed, I know that what you don't know, I
know that what you don't know. And this is this is powerful if we reflect on this, that at that time, Allah is saying to the people, that the to the angels,
you have no idea the kinds of people, those who truly love for the sake of Allah, those people who are sincere, those sincere servants who purify their heart, from the fuck they purify their heart from any form of jealousy, animosity, greed, these people are going to be amazing. These are the people who risked their lives saving others. These are the people and I know all of you have known individuals, that just looking at their example of their life, they fill your heart with faith, they make you believe that there is there is goodness, there is purity. There's true sincerity in this world, individuals that even though they had been abused, they had been neglected. Maybe they have
been wrongfully imprisoned, and yet they hold on tight to the rope of Allah. They don't despair. They don't ask why me, they don't sit there and blame the world. They recognize that everything happens for a reason, and that Allah in his infinite wisdom has chosen this for them. There are those individuals who spend their lives serving others, they give that which they made themselves not insured. These are the people that at night, they get up and they shed tears, not in front of 1000s. These are people who shed tears in private in the middle of the night where no one else sees them. These are the people that Allah is telling the angels, I know what you don't know, you have no
idea the kind of people when they do the internal work, when they work on themselves when they purify their hearts, when they get that true love for the sake of Allah when they are competing in good deeds. They're not competing in numbers. They're not competing in wealth or status, or what they accumulate. They are competing in being the best version of themselves
was serving us.
Hola, kalamalka, Ramune, Fiege and Knighten name. These are the people. Allah is talking about those individuals, they are the foreigners, they are running, they are competing in doing good deeds. They can't wait for the next opportunity. Not the opportunity to look good, not the opportunity to gain fame. They are looking for the next opportunity to hit the Azure jackpot. They want to just please Allah and they're doing it with that intention. And Allah is telling the angels you don't know. Yes, there's going to be sittin Yes, there are going to be people who are lonely. They are people that all they care about is themself, there's greed, there's gonna be a lot of wars and fighting and all
of the things that that the angels knew about. But there's also there's another side, the people who purify themselves, the people who seek knowledge, the people who have sincerity, they are the ones who will that Allah is talking about those who give secretly without sharing their good deeds. They're not interested. They are truly not interested in these are individuals. I have had the privilege of meeting individuals who are truly living for the sake of Allah. They are truly truly living for the sake of Allah. They are beautiful individuals and they really increase the Eman you know anytime I
I travel I have the privilege of traveling and I and I see people in different parts of the world. And the sincerity, I sense, the effort, the purity people who, who are always, they are always behind the scenes doing the hard work. And that is what Allah is talking about. There's a concept, which is really beautiful, and something that it is a part of our, it is a part of our culture, it's part of our religion. But somewhere along the line, we have somehow lost sight of this, we have been mesmerized by many things from the social media, you know, I sometimes miss those days, of course, social media has a lot of positivity, we're able to gather from all over the world and share the
knowledge, such benefits, but sometimes I miss the sincerity of those individuals for us to teach. Within the small message we were gathered together, there was there was nothing other than loving, for the sake of Allah and seeking knowledge for the sake of Allah. So we have to see this, the servant leadership is a very powerful, powerful message.
It is putting others first when you are a leader, it's like that Captain, right? The captain.
If, if the captain just basically goes into the, into its cabin and said, You know what, I don't, I'm just too tired. I don't want to deal with this, what's gonna happen and he prioritizes himself. So this is prioritizing the needs and well beings of other above your own, then there's empathy and compassion, you try your best to understand what people are going through. And when you have that compassion, when you have that empathy. It shows the listening, listening actively, you know, I remember during my master's program, there was a whole semester on active listening, how do you listen, in order to make a person feel heard and understood. And this is an art that has been lost.
And I feel like it's a lesson that every single one of us, we need to be able to listen without interrupting, without assuming, without finishing the person sentences and really try to understand where they're coming from, and the service orientation where you serve the people and not your own interests, when you prioritize that. And it's a matter of doing it inclusively. A lot of times, what ends up happening is that some people get marginalized, unfortunately, in our communities. And so if we can be more inclusive, and you look at this, and you see that, sadly, we have situations within our own communities, where people have been marginalized, sometimes it's the reverse. Sometimes it's
the person who is new to the community. Sometimes it's the one who is going through the domestic violence and the problems at home. And, and they just feel isolated. So we need to be more inclusive, building the trust, right? How do you build trust, I've worked with 1000s of individuals, and hundreds of them have had some form of betrayal, let's say in their marriages, let's say in, in the kind of life that they live.
And how do you rebuild that trust, it is possible, but there has to be transparency, there has to be honesty, and consistency. When a person consistently is transparent, and they are honest, that built in the trust is rebuilt, and then the continuous learning, we have to make a commitment to continuously work on ourselves. We can never get to a point and say, You know what? I'm done. I have been studying psychology and 100 Alon for the past 30 years. I don't feel like I can say that sick. I know enough. And this is it. 30 years of of consuming as much as I possibly can any book, I can get a hold of any lecture, any conference, any training I can have. And yet I still have a passion
to learn. I still feel like there's so much I can improve on myself. There's so much room for growth. And if we make that commitment, if we make a commitment to say, You know what, I am a work in progress. It doesn't matter how many PhDs you have, it doesn't matter how many adjustments you have. There is a working on yourself and inner work. And this inner work is the key and this is why this mentorship program it started in 2019 helping women to do the internal work
To overcome the insecurities, build the self confidence, have the emotional intelligence, when we have all this, then guess what, then we can be better leaders, we can be a better spouse, we're going to be a better parent, because then we are not so consumed with our own insecurities, we're not so consumed with just filling our ego, we are actually at a point where we want to be a self actualized person. I remember the first time I heard the word self actualization was in 10th, grade 10th grade in my first psychology class. And when I heard about that, that a self actualized person, you know, the Maslow need hierarchy, we have the physiological needs, right? First, if you don't
have your food, if you don't, if you can't sleep, if you don't have that, then you can think about anything else, then it has to be your safety, if you are afraid of being shot or being attacked, you could care less about your education, right. So the go in levels, you have your needs met your physiological needs, then it's your safety needs, then it's about your love and connection, then you want to actually meet another person, you want to connect with others, then it has to do with growth and learning. And you want to be a better person, you want to learn as much as you can. And then at the top of that pyramid, is being self actualized. And at 16, I remember that that was one of my
goals, I was on my to do list, be a self actualized person, because that person, they're no longer just consumed with themselves, all those other levels, right? If someone is, let's say, just worried about eating, and finding a place to sleep, they're not they can help anyone else. If they're worried about their safety, they can help anyone else, right? If you're learning you're busy learning, but once you get to a point where you're self actualized, that's when you are now whatever you have done, whatever you've learned, now you're pouring it back, you're pouring it back. And it's done with sincerity, when it's done with the intention of pleasing Allah, all of itself, it counts
as worship. And this is the beauty of our religion, that the concept of worship is so comprehensive, it's not simply the prayer and the fasting. And so when you're a self actualized person, then you are no longer in that state of competitiveness, you're no longer being really, you're no light like it, you've transcended all of that. And that's why it is so important. If we make that commitment to continuous learning, that we can strive to be self actualized, where we are transcending all of those, all of those, all the needs, all those wants, all of the all of those diseases of the heart, really, if you think about it, a person who has purified their heart, they become a self actualized
person. Alright. So, you see.
So in, in this verse, Allah is saying, And let there be arising from you and nation inviting to all that is good, right?
enjoying what is right and forbidding what is wrong and those who will be successful. So it is a direct order for us to get people to do good, and then also forbidding them from evil. But you know, there's so much more than that. Because if we are not guiding ourselves again, we are just falling we're hanging ourselves and then helping others. So make sure that if you are on that path of trying to do you know you're doing I'm ripping out roof and Nike and and mancha that you don't overlook yourself that you don't get so caught up with, I need to help everyone else. And then you overlook your own self because that that would be totally foolish, right. So what is the requirement for
giving advice because we've all seen, you know, the the message of police, right? We've seen those individuals who they just assigned themselves as as the message police and they start giving everyone the advice. So what is it what do you feel is a requirement right?
The requirement for giving advice first of all, it is sincerity in your intention. You have to be sincere. If you aren't giving advice
thinking, you know, oh my God, you look down on the other person, how many times has someone giving you advice? And they are acting self righteous? They're acting like, oh my god, you don't know that oh my god, like, what kind of Muslim are you? And how effective is that form of Dawa. It's not effective at all. I was really blessed at the beginning, when I was becoming religious, like 30 years ago, there were a group of beautiful sincere sisters who took me in, they didn't judge me, they didn't act like you know, your your job is not complete, or your pants are too tight, or, you know, you're still you're wearing makeup, and didn't do all that. And because they were so genuine,
because they accepted me because they were welcoming, because they were non judgmental. They had the most beautiful impact on my heart, and may Allah reward them because everything that I do, all the all the classes, all the the mentorship programs, the Holocaust I've had, inshallah will be on their scales of good deed, because they allowed me to grow. So there has to be intention, this sincere intention, there has to be compassion.
If you're giving advice to someone, if you're giving advice, and you are coming from a place of arrogance, and you're not being compassionate, then that is not going to penetrate the heart. People can sense if there is an ounce of arrogance, so the humility of it, right. And I've seen this and I've experienced being given Dawa in a beautiful way, where there's humility, there's, you know, I love your sister. And I really, I don't want to, I don't want you to experience this, or I really care about you. And I have experience giving that nnessee have, and trying my best to do it the way that is the correct way with love with the compassion. I remember giving this out to one of the
sisters very early on. And it was about, you know, just the one of the advice that I had gotten. And it was such an indirect beautiful advice the sister at the time, I used to wear my hijab type and it just was right around my neck. And she she was an American convert, and she goes, I like to get the large hit job so I can cover of this area. She didn't say, oh my god, your hijab is so wrong. I can't believe you what kind of Muslim are you? What kind of her job is that? No. She just said, I like to get a large and I like to cover this area. And right at that moment, I said you know what, from now on, I'm gonna get large a job and I'm going to do that. And I passed that on you know, you
pass it forward. And to a dear sister that I loved so much. I told her and I said you know, you're you are doing so much but she was a river and she was going through so much she she experienced all sorts of oppression and tests and trials. And I remember she approached me, I was at the University of Houston and she came up to me at that time she didn't have a job and she had she had become Muslim. And she goes you know, you're wearing that you look so happy. And you're wearing that I'm like of course I'm happy this is like this is this is just it's a it is a privilege. It is a privilege that I get to wear this and I and I wear it happily because I chose to wear this and
Subhan Allah Masha Allah Tabata, Allah, Allah guided her, she had a beautiful heart. And she just started wearing the hijab. And one of the things I shared with her was also, you know, let's cover this area, right? I always say to cover the merchandise again. And she did it and you know what she did the next day, which is so beautiful, and it shows her sincerity. She got me at that time we had tapes, right? She got me some tapes, and she gave me gave it as a gift and she hugged me and she thanked me and she goes, you know, only a person who loves me, will give me nnessee Ha and I love you for the sake of Allah. The beauty of the sisterhood that I experienced those first years where I
was becoming religious, truly to shaped me Alhamdulillah for those sincere sisters, you guys, I know that there is a lot of sometimes insincere people sometimes there is, you know, you feel like you've been deceived. You feel like oh my gosh, I really thought this person was different. But just know that there are people that are truly genuine and individuals that come in our lives.
As I have used this as an opportunity to guard myself more not to lose hope not to be disappointed not to give up not to say here, the analogy I like to use is that if you see people driving on the highway, and when they're on their phone, they crash on their phone crash, and there's line up, there's a line up off. There's a line up of cars crashed on the side, what is the conclusion? What is the conclusion? When you see that? You say, I will not be on my phone while driving? Right? You will say that you don't say driving is bad. Phone is bad. No, it's the combination. So we really we have to take lessons. And when we see things like this, we know that amazing is the state of the
believer, right? Amazing. Why is it amazing, because everything that happens is good. If they have something good happened to them, they say Alhamdulillah they're grateful. If something happens, that is hurtful, if something happens, that that it shocks them, it rocks their world, it, it crushes them.
They know that there's wisdom in it, they know that this is a wake up call. This is a wake up call, we need to learn from these experiences that we don't fall into the same mess, right? So there needs to be knowledge. If you are going to give advice to someone, make sure you have the knowledge and make sure you have the wisdom. Wisdom is knowing what to say when to say it, how to say it and whom to say it to write. And the most important part of this is walking the talk. It's so easy. It's so easy to sit there and tell your kids don't lie, be truthful. I expect only honesty and then you turn around and you lie just so you can get something discounted. Or you tell your kids how important it
is to have integrity, how important it is. And then you go ahead and cheat and they witness that we have to walk the talk people will observe your behavior. That behavior is the most powerful form of Dawa.
Okay.
Sorry, I have been struggling with my voice. So it's Bismillah
Yeah, who do in Niger Anika khalifa to fill out a de facto Bain and
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do they like Sabby Lilla in leadin AOpen Nona sebelas. Hola, hola. Hamada. doubleshot, Ido the man so yo man is
talking, Oh, David, indeed, we have made you a successor upon this earth. So judge between the people in truth, and do not follow your desire, as it will lead you astray from the Way of Allah Indeed, those who go astray from the Way of Allah will have a severe punishment for having forgotten that they have account. So this is saying that, you know, there's always going to be issues that come up. Now, whether that's in the family, I have many clients who will call me and say, you know, we are the we are the chosen Judge within the family. And they constantly get called upon and say, you know, this brother said that, and this sister said that and they get pulled into all the drama.
How do you handle that? You get pulled into the drama, maybe between your children, maybe when they're little or maybe when they're older when they're adults? And they complain about each other? What are you supposed to do? You have to judge between the people in truth, and you can't follow your own how're you may be by saying something and you get out of it. You get the easy path. But is that the way to do it? You have to really question yourself. I mean, what's really powerful is that in the Supreme Court, there is a diversity or on that says, Speak the truth even against yourself. And it is quoted to this aversive book
are on that even if it's against yourself, you have to speak the truth. Why? Because everything is recorded. How in the world can we think that we can get away with lying? How can we get away from how can we deceive, we can deceive the people, we can put on a show for the people, what about Allah, there's no way that we can deceive that, that knowledge knowing that we will have to account for it,
then that is what keeps us on the street. So as leaders, we need to take a stand. We can't fear the people. We can't fear that Kancil culture, we can't fear the loss of popularity, sometimes parents are so afraid to speak up. They don't want to be they don't want to be unpopular with their own kids. A lot of times there is this fear, we have to only fear Allah, we have to recognize the importance of fearing Allah and not, not the people. Right. And so now.
Now I'd like to just address any kind of any kind of questions or any kind of concerns that have come up, as far as as far as leadership, how you can apply it in your own life, whether that's with your own children, or whether that is within your community within your family. So and I'd love to now read some of the comments.
I heard somebody consider when I started wearing his shop, you encouraged and inspired me so much, Mashallah. And I love how you describe your hijab as your crown Hamdulillah you know, we had a beautiful sisterhood. And Suzanne was part of that sisterhood in Egypt where we would gather every, every Friday in our home with a halacha. And really, that was one of the most beautiful sisterhood I've I've ever experienced and hunted in LA. And that was one of the reasons I actually created this mentorship program. Because I saw the growth we had, we had her job parties on a regular basis where Suzanne would bake the cake and mashallah play, you know, we would plan this party, we had many
shahada parties within our halacha it was, you know, witnessed by the people who were attending and, and it was, you know, it was just amazing. And we have to see, how can we be that for, you know, for our communities? How can we be a source of, you know, be be a leader be a source of support? So let's see, how about any questions, or I want you to let's see,
what is it that you're walking away with? As far as the leadership? I want you each, if you share with me that what is it that you're walking away with? And what are you committed to doing? SR nor seeing a true leader empowers others? Absolutely. A true leader is about building other people, I was just actually having a conversation with my father in law. And he was saying that one of the most important things that a leader can do is teach others to leadership, because then then you help grow. And this isn't Charlotte, this community that we are a part of the mindful Hearts Academy. And if you know, if you have sisters, if you have a wife, if you have family members that that would
benefit from this, share this with them, and we would love to have them. What are you walking away with as far as this leadership, you're saying, sister Amy is saying stay calm, focus and guide, very important to do staying calm. I have found and I remember an incident where
where, you know, someone had gotten, gotten sick, and it became very, you know, people can become very panicky, right? Because you feel like, oh my gosh, what's happening, you know, someone could be bleeding. Someone could have like fallen, someone could have passed out. And there is this panic mode that a lot of people go through but a true leader will stay composed, and they will stay calm, and people feed off of this sense of calm, it's contagious. Panic, you know, being panicky is contagious, and staying calm is contagious. So this is a very important point for us to to really stay calm and level headed. And it really has to do with when you are in a state of Tawakkol Allah
Allah when you trust Allah, and you know whatever is happening is happening with Allah's Will
All right. I mean, whether it is sickness, whether you are, whether you've lost your job, whether you have lost a loved one, whatever that is happening to you right now, Allah chose it for you in his infinite wisdom. So what we need to do is when we when we wrap our head around this, and when we embrace that, everything that happens to us is good for us, then we're not going to panic, we're not going to go in a state of chaos, we're not going to get into the state of like, you know, hopelessness, because we know that if Allah has put us through this, he will take us through it, if He tests us, he knows that we are capable of this. And this is the one of the most important things
that Allah does not test you with more than you can handle. And when you really embrace this, then you know, you know it is you don't know what it's like, I like to use the example of let's say, an Olympic coach, an Olympic coach knows, knows what the capacity of the athlete as this as a gymnast, right, and the coach will push and push and push, but never doing something that the person is not ready for. If it's someone who is not limber, who doesn't know how to do stuff, he's still going to get him to do something that is dangerous crack, the only test you according to what you are capable of doing a weightlifter, let's say someone is going and getting trained and they're doing
weightlifting, they're not going to give a more, you're not going to often start them off with 300 pounds, they're gonna, you know, tear their muscles, they're gonna break their back, they start off slowly, slowly, you know, okay, let's start off with 10,000 Started with 2050. And then you slowly build up. And Allah is above all examples. So what he is testing you with, he knows that you can handle it. And that's, that should give us hope. There's so many times in my life that I've been tested over and over and sometimes all at once. And I have this optimism, relentless optimism, which says
that I know, Allah believes in me and he's testing me according to my abilities, okay, testing me according to my abilities. And that gives me hope. And just like that coach that is pushing the gymnasts to do more and more and more just to become stronger to be more resilient, or when, when a soldier with soldiers are being trained. I remember my, my husband wanting to toughen up our boys. And they watched this. This show it was about the Green Berets. This is like the highest form of it as far as becoming a soldier and learning how to become this, you know, the strongest, most ferocious fighters. And it was watching this and it was very interesting because these individuals,
they were deprived of food, they were deprived of sleep. They were they every year, it's so easy to fill out a form and say, Yeah, I have no phobias. Right. Okay, you have no phobia, climb up that it's like 30 feet high. Okay, you have a phobia, you're not claustrophobic crawl through this tunnel. And why why is that happening? Why did they do that to the soldiers so that when they are at war, they are not going to it's not going to trip them up, when they don't get enough sleep, that it's they have to save their life by climbing 30 feet high, they can do it if they have to survive by crawling through a tunnel that they can do it because they have trained so so many times in our
lives. We go through this training, we go through this extensive training. Why? Because it's preparing us. It is preparing us it is shedding us of sins and we are growing spiritually. We are growing spiritually by going through these trials and tribulations. So I want to hear from you I am right now. In Lebanon are the 100 love with the Internet didn't fail us. I'm in my father laws. Office is lovely office. And I'm really, really glad that it all worked out. But just tell me
very quickly. What are you walking away with? What did you learn? What is it that you are going to implement because when we learn something, the knowledge that we learn can either be a witness for us or against us. And so we want to make sure that every time that we learn something, this is what I do every time
in our, in our community, the mindful Hearts Academy, that every time we have a lesson and this lesson was very focused, specifically because of everything that is going on in our communities and it's across the globe, we find that the leadership leadership is being questioned, leadership is being there, people are being frustrated or annoyed. And we also have to recognize that it's not easy being a leader, right. So it's, it's so easy to judge and point fingers, but we also in our hearts, we have to have, we have to have mercy, we have to also pray for their guidance. And we have to pray that we are not tested in a similar way. So it really has to do with, with this God
consciousness that we want for our brother or sister what we want for ourself, right? And so
sister Fatima, say, Allah believes in me and he is testing me according to my capacity. All right, sister Fatima, high five, Virtual High Five is what we do you want to mindful hearts. All right, what else I want to hear from all of you, what did you learn? The purposeful. So you said a purposeful life leading by example, exactly. Leave leading by example, whether as a sibling whether as a parent, whether as a dying, it's all about how you live your life, right? The way when you show that you have a beautiful personality, that beautiful character, like how is it that so many Indonesians, right, the Indonesian, they had the Muslim businessman come and they were so honest,
they were actually telling them they had customers and they say, Well, you know, the guy down there has the same product for less who does that? Who does that here, it's all cutthroat. And they try to outdo each other. And they try to like be little the other person because they, you know, they have a scarcity mentality. A lot of times Muslims have a scarcity mentality that this is a piece of this is a pie, I gotta grab my share. Because if I don't grab my share, it's gone. So let me take everyone out. Let me let me trash talk. So that I can be you know, I can get a piece of the pie, that is not the Islamic mentality. And Muslim has to have an abundance mentality. You don't have to
like sit there and be worried about your business, you don't have to be worried about whether you get clients or you solve this or that, because Allah is the Rasul, Allah is the One who is going to give you and if you have that, that little mind, and that you are just so greedy, and so jealous of other people that you cannot sit without taking other people down, then there's something seriously wrong with your app, EDA. This is an anti the problem. This is a disease of the heart that needs to be worked on. And because if we don't work on that, if we really believe that we somehow can control other people's risk by trash talking, or we can control other people by grabbing a bigger piece of
the pie, that is just foolishness. So we really, as a mentor, we as a movement, we need to have an abundance mentality. We have to recognize that Allah is the Rasul Allah gives, He raises. And He belittles He gives us that to whom he wishes, he gives guidance to whom he wishes, and there are times that he will miss guy, and it's not arbitrarily it is because of the decisions that they have made over and over and over again, no one can blame it and say, you know, Allah sealed my heart. No, you have made decisions in your life that has made Allah seal your heart. And that's the truth. And when we recognize that, and when we live with that God consciousness, then we will not in any way go
astray we will understand that just like those businessmen who went to Indonesia, they didn't they weren't worried about there is like Allah is gonna give me my wrist. You are going to get what was it? It was written 50,000 years ago, whether you're going to get married, who you're going to get married to how much you're going to get, whether you're happy or sad, all of this has been written. So to stress over it, to worry about it to sit there and fight over it is just a complete waste of
Time. The more you know Allah, the more you will have tranquility in your heart. The more you love Allah, the more you will be able to love others because you will understand His names and his attributes, you will no longer have a greediness, you will no longer have the sense of competitiveness because you will know a law and you will know that he is the most wise and he will give abundantly. And this is one of the most important things that we can walk away from in sha Allah walk away with
Susanna saying the importance of having those difficult conversations. And even if you don't agree, make sure you validate the other person's feelings Hi, Fi says, Good job that is so critical, you know, having difficult conversations, they're not pleasant. They're difficult. Feelings may get hurt, there may be things said that you may feel criticized, you may, you know, it's difficult, but grow up, grow up and have those conversations you cannot avoid, you know, what our culture has become now is people ghosting other individuals. This is not the other of a movement. This is not the adage, when someone reaches out to you. When someone you know when someone you have established
a relationship with and you reach out for some kind of help, some kind of question and you just ghost them like Oh, I'm gonna pretend you don't exist. That is just absolute childish, that's childish behavior. And we have to step up. And it's the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam was living at this time, I guarantee he wouldn't go study one, I guarantee that he wouldn't ignore calls, I guarantee that he would not just let people hanging because he didn't want to deal with difficult conversations. So we, as an ummah, need to do the internal work like we're doing here on the mindful hearts account. We're doing the internal work, the hard work that takes you know, recognizing the
shortcomings. Recognizing the insecurities, not thinking, Oh, I'm perfect. Who in the world thinks they're perfect? If you think you're perfect, then that is one of the biggest, biggest source of misguidance because every single one of us has flaws. Every single one of us are battling these diseases of our hearts, none of us none of us can say that we are free from it. No, I'm hamdulillah diseases I got my vaccinations right, I got the booster shots, no more, no more diseases of the heart. I'm free. I'm an angel. I have no flaws. That is the biggest form of Miss guidance. And may Allah protect us from ever thinking that we have reached a point that we don't need to learn
anymore, that we have reached a point that we don't need to work on ourselves. Because if we think we know enough, that is destruction, right? So we got to be committed committed to learning committed to improving ourself.
All right, and let's see.
Sorry, still Hamdulillah I have learned a lot from your sister Allah may Allah continue to bless and protect you just like Allah Farah, may Allah protect all of you. Tell me what you have learned. Okay, because I just want you to state what it is that you have learned and that way you are making a commitment that you can live by this. All right, sister Sr, I Tia, Allah tests you with your children and finances, which only comes from Allah, exactly. Whatever it is, you're going through, know that Allah has put you through this and there is something something valuable that you have to learn. And when you have that understanding, you will not fall apart, you will fall apart. Right?
Anything else? A lob? Let's see. Allah believes in me that we already do this. Allah believes in me and he is testing me according to my capacity. Very good. All right. Well, you know I am so glad that we had this really important discussion about leadership about our role every single one of us is a leader and I pray your Allah help us to live mindfully every single day y'all let us be mindful of our words, our feelings and our thoughts and our actions Yola, how
Help us to truly reach out to the people around us and to have sincerity Yola, if there's any form of the fog in our heart Yola, he cleanse us from this default before it's too late Yola, if we have made mistakes you Allah help us to restore our mistake let us redeem ourself, Ya Allah guide us to being the best example
sorry
Bismillah
I got fired up
our sister Shireen
with every difficulty of like if SAS, he also grants us the ease.
I learned that sometimes we expect the ease to be the removal of our difficulty. But sometimes the ease is in the form of Allah placing someone in our life that really supports and understands us and continually encourages us so that we make it through that difficulty.
Having increased our faith, believing and knowing that Allah is with us every step of the way, and prevented us from losing our faith along the way. That is beautiful sister Shireen. I really appreciate you taking the time and writing that right we make dua and we say, Oh Allah, like, you know, remove this difficulty, but sometimes it is through that difficulty, we have to go through it and you use the example of putting someone in your life that actually is there guiding you and teaching you so that that is that's beautiful. All right. And Sister Marie is saying, reminded to be patient with Allah's decree. While being the best me I can be for me and my family, how many of you
are,
are new here? And if you have any questions regarding the mindful Hearts Academy, I would love to answer that. Because
you know, it is it is an all sisters community, but we're we're happy to help the brothers on but it brothers if you have a sister, if you have a mother, if you have a wife, a cousin who you think will benefit from this, because really, I am seeing every single day that it's not just about the amount of knowledge a person has. It's not about just the the academics, it is about doing the internal work. And if we're not doing the internal work, that's where people falter. That's where you find the fop. And that's where you find the hatred and the jealousy. So this is a community dedicated to doing the internal work. I have live lessons every Thursday, and then all the lessons that we
started from 2019. It is it is comprehensive, if you know anyone that needs help in building their self esteem, their emotional intelligence,
if you can, I don't know who is on if one of the volunteers if you could write the link to the mindful Hearts Academy. That will be wonderful. Okay, any questions? Any questions regarding this about how you can apply this into your own?
into your own life into with your children? What do you think? I'm going to give a few more quick, few more minutes for questions. So this is the mindful hearts.com. And really, it's all about mindfulness. The way to Jana is through mindfulness, you have to be mindful of your thoughts. You have to be mindful of your words, mindful of your actions, right? mindful of how you treat people, mindful of how you make people feel. You cannot go through life. And you know, I've had people who tell me Oh, I didn't mean it. Oops, oops, I didn't mean it. And, you know, I've had to tell him, I'm like, You know what it's like, it's like, you going to have a sharp knife. You're holding, and
you're, you're, you know, hitting you are, what is it bumping into people, right? You're bumping into people, and you're saying, Sorry, didn't mean it. Well, meanwhile, this person is cut. They're wounded and they're bleeding. You can't just you know, say sorry, I didn't mean it. So mindfulness is truly the way to Jannah and so that's that's what we're working on here.
And we have this is
For those of you who know someone who would want to be a part of it, and I made it very affordable, just $11 a month, it's a subscription fee very nominal, just so that you have a commitment and a sister Amy. Introspection application and mindfulness. Good job. Excellent. Yes, that is that's it. So let's see sister Fatima sister how that I joined after three months. And it's because I moved away from a community that is not welcoming and very tribal, I'm sorry, that you're experiencing that. And inshallah we're going to create, you know, we have the community, we just as long as we get more involved, get engaged. And you will feel that sisterhood, even if you're 1000s of miles
away from a Muslim community, you can get that sisterhood here in sha Allah. Let's see, Sister Fatima is say, the character of our Prophet salallahu Alaihe. Salam is to be thought of your words and actions, specifically, when you are involved in the community. Yes. You know, as
just like, you know, as a parent, you have a responsibility to really set an example. And, you know, I, I've had scenarios where, you know, from years ago, when there was family counseling, and the parent was really upset, was very upset from their teenager and saying, you know, you're just that is very rude. That's very disrespectful. And a teenager, I mean, it was very, it was rude to say, this is like, I learned disrespect from you. And never should you speak up against your parents like that. But look at the the message, you cannot treat others disrespectfully and then expect to be treated with respect, respect has to be earned, you act respectfully, you will get the respect. You
know, I always use this example with the brothers that
if you have, let's say, a supervisor, right, a supervisor, and he comes and he yells and says, I demand respect. Oh, you're gonna be like, what? Who is this guy? Right? What do you mean, you deserve respect? Right? I'm the supervisor and I deserve respect. But if the supervisor asked acts in a way that is so honorable, has integrity, hard work, good leadership, you naturally respect them. They don't have to pound on their desk and say, I deserve respect. Every single one of us has, we have to embody these beautiful characteristics of our deen we have to overcome our insecurities like we do on the mindful Arts Academy. We have to have the emotional intelligence have the wisdom
so that we don't fall into this trap of just
we don't fall into this trap we definitely have to do the inner work and Shaula All right.
Let's see.
The more mindful we are as an OMA the more we will feel blessed joyful and happy, more productive. Also happy to hear brothers are coming on board. They're coming on board today was actually I just did this lesson and I made it open for for everyone because of some of the some of the issues that are going on in our community. I thought that inshallah it will be helpful and healing for our community members. I hope that you benefited and
but it won't be an all women's community but inshallah brothers you can get your sister your wives on. Let's see. I asked you to pray for a halaal marriage Yara. Anyone who is watching this and who is in need of a good righteous spouse. May Allah provide them in a person who is truly, who is truly righteous and is not deceiving in any way, and will bring serenity and love right we're gyla by Nicoma word that our Rahman sha Allah, that you all will find someone who will increase the mawatha and that Rama inside your heart that see I am very emotionally sensitive person and tend to have irregular emotional regulation. However, with the mindful hearts, I'm getting so much better at
being self aware, but I tend to fall back to my old self mashallah, I'm so proud of you societies. That's Give me a high five good job for recognizing, you know, admitting that you are a sensitive person and you're not good at emotional regulation. You know, there's a whole like level one. There's a whole several sections there.
different phases, right? There's the self esteem, there's emotional intelligence, there's dealing with negative emotions. So all the things if you have anyone who ever complains to you and says, I feel, you know, that's what I wanted, this is just I just, you know, get them to go on to mindful heart that you can work on that emotional regulation so thank you so much for sharing that I pray that Allah blesses you let's see what else
brother Jimmy your school to us we always learn Alhamdulillah May Allah accept is like Allah Hara. And they are giving you a fist bump sister, I should have the law. Excellent. So just like a lockout and for tuning in in sha Allah. We will continue next week we will have the q&a we have live q&a after each section of you know in the mindful Hearts Academy like I said, all of it is recorded about the different sections about the self esteem and reaching your goals and I hope that this was beneficial. Take good care, and I pray that Allah answers all of your doors, protects us from the fog and helps our leaders to really show up and to be mindful of their of their behaviors and help
us all to be mindful leaders just like Hola, Hayden salaam aleikum.