Fatima Barkatulla – My Parents Rejected A GOOD MAN

			My parents rejected proposals from a good man without any shadow, a legitimate reason. They did it
before as well. But this time, I really liked the brother. And he liked me as well. But my parents
still refused. It was not a haram relationship. My Willie was on board from the get go, would it be
okay? If I get married without my Wali? Since they don't like almost anybody for me. And in this
case, there is no valid reason for my parents rejecting the marriage with that brother, his parents
are divorced. And my parents think
		

			that, you know, what are people going to say? He's a pious person who talked with me with the
permission of my father. And we found a good compatibility.
		

			Okay, this is an interesting question. And it's very sad, actually, that. So first of all, I would
say to parents out there, you know, don't make marriage hard. Don't make it hard. When a good person
comes to you, a person of good character, you know, marry them to your daughter, if your daughter is
happy.
		

			Call us. You know, make it easy. Make it easy. Don't make this don't make it so difficult that girls
are having to ask questions like this upon Allah. You know, no girl wants to go against her father,
oh, girl wants to go against her Willy. But she would only ask a question like this, if she feels
desperate, if she has a need to get married. And that's another thing parents don't seem to
understand. You know, your daughter, when she becomes an adult, she has certain needs, she wants to
get married. She has desires. I know that we don't like looking at our daughters and thinking of
them as though they've grown up. But actually they have. And so now it is not your job to prevent
		

			her from getting married, it's your job to facilitate and help her to get married. And if we don't
do this brothers and sisters, then haram relationships will become the norm. Family breakups will
become the norm because girls will feel that they have to basically move away from their own
families. So my first message is to the parents out there, you know, don't do this, make it easy for
your children to get married. It's their life at the end of the day. Right. But to the sister, I
would say, a dear sister, I understand and I feel your predicament. However, I would not advise you
to go against your father's will in this case, at least not initially. Right. And it should be only
		

			a last resort. You know, if if a person for example is going to fall into haram, they've tried
everything. They should then go to a Sharia Council, go and consult a scholar properly and ask the
scholar to come to help them find a solution. Right? And the scholar might say, Okay, this is
unreasonable. And so then the scholar might act as a family for that person. Okay. But that's an
extreme end result, right? That's only if everything else has been tried. And there's a very
difficult situation. I don't think that's been done yet. So what you really need to do is try to
bring your parents on side. Okay, try as much as you can, through pleading with them, having, you
		

			know, dialogue with them, maybe even bringing mediators in. To have a dialogue with your parents.
		

			Try to see things from your parents perspective as well. Is there some validity in the reasoning
that they're giving, you know, maybe sometimes we can be very short sighted, and our parents can
sometimes see things see dangerous maybe, that we can't see. So please bear all of that in mind. And
I don't advise you at all to go against your father. I know of sisters when they have done this,
okay, when they've tried to get married without their Willie involved, okay.
		

			They end up estranged from their families. And then they end up in an even worse situation because
now they don't have the backup of especially the male members of their family, the left to this
husbands, you know, their relationship with this husband who at the end of the day, they don't
really know very well, okay. And so, and then they regret it, especially when they have children,
that their parents are estranged from them. We don't want to go down that route. You know, we want
to try our best to keep families together. Your father has a great role in your life. You know, he's
done a lot for you.
		

			All your life. So please don't take this step especially at this stage. Please try your best to
plead with your father and have a good relationship with him. And I hope in sha Allah Allah subhanaw
taala helps you to find a solution and helps you to find a pious spouse that your family and you are
happy with.