Fatima Barkatulla – Love #07 – My Parents Won’t Let Me Get Married Before My Elder Sibling

			salat wa salam ala Rasulillah Dear brothers and sisters are Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa
barakato.
		

			The second part of his question is that what to do if your parents think you're too too young, your
parents are waiting for the, your eldest sister to get married, and not allowing you to get married.
		

			Okay, well
		

			help your eldest sister get married. That's, that's one, one thing you could do.
		

			The second thing is, if you know, that's not something that you're able to get involved in, or you
don't want to, then, you know, try to convince them.
		

			Have a meeting with your parents, you know, tell them, there's something really important you want
to discuss with them.
		

			Have a meeting with them, and really, from the bottom of your heart, explain it to them that,
		

			you know, especially if you're feeling that you need to get married, right, and that it's more
urgent, then you can wait for then, you know, negotiate and convince them.
		

			And, on a side note, and, you know, I'm not encouraging brothers to do this, but
		

			I'm just letting you know this, that as a man, you don't technically need your parents permission to
get married.
		

			Okay, so Islamically technically, you don't need your parents permission to get married.
		

			Of course, I wouldn't encourage you, especially if your parents are really against it. Because
		

			having your parents on your side when you're getting married, and when you're doing make any
important decision, like marriage is a good idea. And you don't want to be estranged from your
parents when you're getting married. It's
		

			it'll be painful, you know,
		

			especially in the long term. So you know, you don't want to kind of alienate them in that sense.
However, just to let you know that, technically speaking, you don't need your parent's permission to
get married as a man.
		

			And so if a man fears that he might fall into haram, right, or that he will fall into haram, then it
might be something that they that that man might have to make a decision about, you know, especially
if parents are being completely unreasonable.
		

			But of course, the first port of call is negotiation. You know? Look, if you think about it, the
first question was about obedience to the husband.
		

			In Islam, we're encouraged to be obedient to our parents, right? So
		

			even like sons are supposed to be obedient to their parents, right?
		

			But again, you know,
		

			if it's something that's going to be harmful to you, or if they're telling you to do something that
is not right,
		

			then you don't have to obey them. If they're just saying, Wait, you know, maybe you should think
about it, maybe they don't think you're mature enough at the moment.
		

			Maybe you need to prove to them that you're mature enough. So that's why I'm saying, start off by
having negotiations, you know, negotiate with them. Sit with them, negotiate with them, try to
convince them, get them by themselves.
		

			And speak heart to heart. And if one of your parents isn't very amenable to that, maybe try with the
other parent by themselves. You know, usually one of your parents will have a very, the heart will
soften. And you can show them that it's not necessary for the eldest child to get married first. Not
at all. It's not necessary. There's no rules about who needs to get married first. You get married
when you're ready to get married, right.
		

			I'll help you with that.