Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 24.10.2013

Edris Khamissa
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The speakers discuss the challenges faced by the Islamist community in the UK, including a national holiday and a record-breaking number of deaths. They also mention celebrities and guest performers, including the first female driver and the first female female driver in the UK. The importance of sharing family secrets and creating a balance between family and life is emphasized, as it is crucial to avoid negative consequences and maintain healthy relationships with children. The speakers also emphasize the need for counseling and a commitment to holistic education for parents who have issues with their children.

AI: Summary ©

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			It's just one eight minutes after 11 A Salaam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
		
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			Welcome to our Masaryk on radio Islam International. We've had a
		
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			little bit of challenges in our studios in Atlanta we had a massive lightning strike on Friday
afternoon which then caused damage to a computer, the studio equipment and few other things as well.
Around the mesquite area in Amarillo with Al Hamdulillah overcoming these challenges all of these
tests from Allah subhana wa tada and back on the line today but on the phone line nevertheless insha
Allah has he is looking forward to a program with you this morning. Our program today as always on a
Thursday we will be speaking to our guest for the Idris camisa. Idris is at the moment in the UK and
inshallah Aziz will be speaking with us via about his trip there. And about our regular feature
		
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			social responsibility, the social issues that we have and the number of challenges that we face and
how to overcome those challenges. inshallah that's all coming up on our full program this morning.
On aromatic we'll be we'll be linking up to it is camisa in just a few minutes inshallah Stay tuned
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			us home messenger of all how often should we Foreign Service in a peaceful low la wa sallam remained
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			sir
		
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			it's 14 sF 11 SLM YT calm Welcome back to elementary econ ladies time internationals Thursday
morning my guest with me on the line all the way from the UK. Whether it is camisa cinema de como de
la Vela kirtle walaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato so nice to get your mellifluous voice all
the way from back home Alana How you doing? Very, very well hamdulillah Shakur is is by good to hear
your voice all the way from the UK. We're about in the UK today. At the moment I get very, very dear
friends place for Nadia and his wife Amira in the in a place near Wembley, and such kids spend the
night here and visit them. And but I came in earlier last week, Friday, and on Saturday and Sunday I
		
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			did a two day parenting program at Prince Mary's University. Then on Monday I went to Gloucester I
went to the school there. And I think these the Mufti Patel actually studied in he knows you studied
in were in zodwa. Right? So I gave a talk at the school. Then I met with the mothers in the evening
I met with the fathers. Then on Tuesday, I was in Manchester I was at the school did the motivation
day I met to the mothers in the evening, give a talk at the mosque. And then I then I came in
yesterday and tomorrow we're going to Nottingham to do a program then Thursday Saturday, a another
full day parenting program and Monday and we plan your school to do something and the following
		
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			weekend. Two programs when I come back on Sunday the third inshallah Okies intervene be in
		
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			the UK for quite some time. So inshallah he under the law, you know,
		
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			it's very interesting, you know, meeting the people listening to the challenges, and the, you know,
everywhere you go, I think, generally the issues are the same. You find that, whether it's a
cultural thing, pressing, South Africa, liquid more expressive about your emotions and feelings. And
you find that when we, when I speak to people, I don't want to load to generalize.
		
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			For them to communicate, and express their love for the spouses in the children. Some of them find
it very, very hard, because I remember, in Gloucester, I asked them to check the Father, and tell
them that you love them. Many of them fall, it's so so hard, you know, I said to them, you know,
when you bury your father, your kids are not so much at the loss of your father, but the loss of
your opportunity to tell him long before he died on numerous occasions, that you love him, you're
praying for him, and to connect with them, you know? So these are practical things, I think
sometimes, we place so much of emphasis on our relationship outside the home, the external, the
		
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			minor piece, no choose to show a lot of sensitivity. But because we see our family every day, it's
really easy to take that for granted. And you'll find that many of us we need our the gift so often,
often, often, most people about the dynamics at home, you know?
		
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			Yes, we always have these secrets that is either with our parents or with our children or with our
spouses that once we lose them or when we are separated for from them then we realize the value of
those people. And that is the only time that we realize that we haven't fulfilled the rights and the
Jews the way we were supposed to be fulfilling them. Yeah, and it's one area and the other is
		
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			idea is this, you know,
		
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			sometimes when you know, when children grow up in a home, forget about love not being expressed. But
when the bitterness and anger when the mum and dad, for example, haven't spoken to each other for
such a long time, and then but the same parents show love to the children. But it really pains me so
much to see, the parents so invested, did not talk to each other, and Amina more for us. And it's
becoming quite common. But the numbers are increasing. What do we do? I mean, how should we go about
doing this, I said to them, very clearly, I mean, they will regret with the continuing until they
die, they're going to definitely regret it. Because what you are doing, you are sabotaging
		
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			possibility, you are staying together, you're not fat, you're separated, and you can really improve
the situation. And I don't know why people do this, you know, I don't know why people are so
		
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			unforgiving. They are so resentful. And you find that basically with children, you know, we
sometimes fail to understand, you know, how children, when they grow up in this home, they are
really psychologically and emotionally scarred. And they themselves, you know, notwithstanding how
virtuous they are, you know, with no matter what they try
		
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			to retain, you know, foster a positive relationship with their spouses, but these things really,
really affect them, you know, because they, because they grew up in a home, where they themselves
could not expect the feeling. And the attitude, there wasn't any conversation there. And this is
what is quite
		
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			disconcerting.
		
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			It is very, in the UK, in the parenting workshop that you attended, I'm sure there were questions
and answers that you attended to in the parenting workshop?
		
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			Being in the university, was it in a crowd of exclusively Muslims? Or was it an open crowd? Because
it was a Muslim crowd, they were people. I mean, look at the people travel, some of the travel from
a drove three hours to come for it, you know, there were lots of professional people coming for the
program. And it was something for me, it's the first time I did a program like this at the, at the
university. And, you know, Alhamdulillah
		
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			in the main, it was very well received many, many, many prayers, initially, there is a reluctance.
You know, I like I mean, there's one sister who spoke to the end, she said, you know, she'd never
ever felt settled in a life, you know, she didn't, you know, her parents have been moving from one
country to another country, one city to another city. And there was absolutely no stability, because
she could not find the identity when people asked her Who are you suppose he was he was, you know,
it was an issue of identity is also very important. Because it gives you the ability gives you an
understanding. And in fact, you know, then she sent me an email to say that how this is really,
		
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			really impacted on her marriage, you know, and he says that, because of that, the medic may not work
out. So that was one aspect. And I think the issues, you know, 80% of the issues are same issues
that we find ourselves in South Africa, right? And but to be credited to the clip, see what I really
		
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			admire of
		
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			many of them, you know, many of them will claim that they are kind of people would attend any cause
will be regarded as Sharia, or developing themselves. And they're very deceptive. And you'll find
that, I mean, there was a professor there also, who came there. And I was really very touched by his
own humanity. And so the Chris the same, the questions are about their nephew, husband, wife, it's
about children about sibling rivalry. It's about, you know, creating in our children, a deep, deep,
profound love for Islam, not only to do the ritual, but also to have an intellectual understanding
of why they're doing what they're doing. Because in that way, you know, as we always say, it's not
		
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			so much the how of Salah for the wild fella from the sticky to non Muslim. And the question is
asked, for example, why do you go for Hajj, why do you why you
		
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			Do this why you do that. And when we do not internalize it in ourselves, then you'll find that, you
know, difficult to sustain the same kind of faith and passion. And the other challenges here is
because the people generally are not as expressive as we are, they believe many of them leave very
often isolated experiences and coming from one place to the other late at night work isn't all that
and, but, but at the same time, they are also wonderful example of individuals who really have a
wonderful family life. And I said to myself, you know, some of the individuals that are involved
with organizations,
		
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			and the obstacles are far greater than
		
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			our ethical obstacles. It's about logistics. Sadly, I was getting people there. And lots of good
work is taking place 234 minutes after 11 you're listening to American radio Stan International. My
guest this morning is brother Idris camisa is speaking to us from the UK. And we are welcoming your
questions anything that you would like to ask it is by zero double 18541548. Alternatively, you can
SMS on 07317384610731738461. And Razzies
		
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			will pose the questions to Idris by
		
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			his way, on this issue of the greatest regret that we have is not fulfilling the rights of those
within our very home. And those were directly associated with it is common, and it is often a
regret. Because we are always so much preoccupied with the people outside of our homes, we are so
much involved in their problems in their lives. And especially in the in this field that we are in
of social work and counseling. It also it sometimes could happen like that, also that, you know, one
person would call you a second person would call you. And your whole evening at home is just
involved in phone calls, and the problems that your own family members are facing, sometimes
		
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			ignored. You know, that's true, right. But before I respond to that, I think more than that, the
other issue. The other issue is that when we are interacting with people with our family, or
otherwise, we are not present, you know, we're not present emotionally, physically and spiritually.
And you'll find that if people talk to you, because you're preoccupied, you do not respond to them
authentically. And that's a real issue. And therefore even when we didn't have a salon, our mind is
away from salon as a result, we did not attain the Sakina in the comfort of your to have. So that's
also something very important that even if the time we spend with our family may not be as much as
		
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			you ought to. And of course we must look at we are prioritizing our life and make your family the
single most important priority. Then in VA, you see because there are people who are not involved
with the community. We're not involved with public affairs, who do not get phone calls
		
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			from people, but with their own family, a lot of issues with them. Now they've gone to the other
extreme. So I think the critical lesson is that we must make sure that the family life is an
important component of our life, that in debt accordingly, we meet record for members of family,
that expected deserve, that we interact with them that we play with them, we help to unleash the
potential that we support them in whatever way we can. And of course, does not protect them from the
consequences of the behavior. But when you come to the situation, when a person is involved, you
know, in public affairs, is involved in responding to the pain, the concern of the collective, I
		
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			think, you know, we need to have a balance, you want to have a balance. And something that I try is
when I get home, I make sure my phone is on silent,
		
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			silent and now only 11 I feel I can respond to the cause, then I will respond to it and depending
again, on the urgency, because even when you're involved with issues in the community, you also need
some space, you need some space, because it can be unrelenting, you know, it just it never ends.
Because as you know, the situation no own country. It's only getting better is getting
		
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			work because we are in a very reactive mode, you find the situation in one home, and compared to
another home is getting worse was under the law. There many individuals were really trying their
utmost to really do what is right. And all of that. So I think the important thing is the family
		
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			must fit together, develop all this piece about this family routine, a family values and family
goals. And once they do that, right, that's one. The second fundamental thing is is that, you know,
you cannot do this, our spouses cannot also be so selfish, to be precluded from doing things that
you're supposed to do, because they also part of the material, nobody fell in love with them, and
that you cannot go to the other. But the IE to attain the balance, I mean, no one no one in the
battle eautifully as our beloved lobbies.
		
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			Yes, yes, it is very, we're gonna take a short break now being half past 11. And we'll just ask you
to hold on for a little while. inshallah has we'll be back just after that. our listeners in the
meanwhile can start SMS in the questions through and the comments through 10731738461. It is by ears
in the UK. And in Sharma he will be taking your questions Stay tuned for machinic upon release time
International.
		
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			Are you
		
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			welcome back to admission upon radio, international three, nine months before 12 reasons why you've
received an SMS. And maybe we could deal with that smile, welcome. I've been in an abusive marriage
for 20 years, the abuse has stopped now. But I am angry and resentful to my partner. I know, this
impacts on my kids, I have no idea how I can overcome these feelings of pain and resentments. just
waking up late advice to know I can understand that if something has been done or a period of time,
it can really guide you for a long time. But in the end, at the bottom line is Allah knows how much
more life we've got on this earth, let's just say the, the person who sent the SMS will live for
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:55
			another 335 years or whatever time it is. Now, the choice is yours. If you wish to change it
eventually for the rest of your life, you're going to affect your own relationship, then is going to
affect
		
00:23:57 --> 00:24:33
			you know, the marriage itself and the ethos at home. Right. And, and therefore I would encourage the
following things. Number one, you got to release it and let it go and forgive. The second thing is,
see how dare you and your partner now that you know you, yes, he or she has changed to protect this
marriage to another level. Because I don't believe in just putting a lesser plastic, we've got to
really create the kind of energy, the excitement the positivity that is necessary
		
00:24:34 --> 00:24:43
			in a marriage, right. I mean, the important thing. The other thing is, is you know, as you always
take the really easy steps, you know,
		
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			if a husband or wife, whoever are they prepared to we'll go to some counter and to talk about it in
a professional way, without any discrimination, just purely to offload. And that's very important.
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:26
			In the most important thing is, of course, is, you know, to ask Allah for support and guidance. And
because I find that those who carry the burden, those who do not release it, I mean, I might be or
he might be listening to the program, and maybe they you know, they have no idea what I've been
through. The question is, you know, we always assume and that,
		
00:25:27 --> 00:26:02
			and I'm sure the person is used to a lot, I'm sure the pain must have been unbearable, whatever your
psychological, emotional, whatever it is, has been terrible, terrible way to diminish, it eroded
your self esteem, you felt socially awkward and all of that. But this is, you find the two people
with the same situation. And then there's been some semblance of normality. It's all, it's all left
to you. Because in the end, you know, many of us live in the past, others
		
00:26:03 --> 00:26:36
			are concerned about the future, but very few are concerned about the present. So I would encourage
the person to relook at their life to look at as he looked at their priorities, they look at their
routine, and then lead a full life, you know, otherwise, my real concern is that when that person
the twilight of his life, they're going to have so many face to late now, because you don't have the
physical capacity, the most capacity and the capacity to deal with it.
		
00:26:38 --> 00:26:41
			must handle data make it easy for everyone,
		
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			especially people who deal with the
		
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			emotional and verbal abuse, it is really a challenge, you know, in people,
		
00:26:54 --> 00:27:08
			ladies especially goes through this and a baby tolerated for years and years. And it leaves them
with a pet at least at the end of it. It is when it does, it does and to be I find it
		
00:27:09 --> 00:28:02
			unacceptable, that the you know, essentially, you know, where it is becoming a recurring thing. And
yet you find it when a man does this is one of the biggest ironies is that the public will not
delete it. Because the persona ideas outside the image Ico attendees will be outside is one of the
decency one of the things is not to say the following. I mean, none of us is perfect. I mean, I
never ever said I'm a paragon of virtue of the monopoly of knowledge. I mean, we all make mistakes.
We all have issues in our life. Right. But then again, you know these aberrations, but then you at
home are a monster, the new oppressive, the new rifle individuality when you kill the spirit, when
		
00:28:02 --> 00:28:15
			the culture calm, is dictated by your dominance, by your abuse. That to me, is really unacceptable
because we affect the lives of so many people. But most importantly, all life
		
00:28:18 --> 00:28:34
			is received another SMS Islamorada chrome surecolor, for the wonderful program, married for 25
years. Whenever things come up their hospital weddings, my husband gets isolated and upset, geez,
advice and how do we deal with problem?
		
00:28:36 --> 00:28:40
			Oh, no, I'm not too sure what he means by that.
		
00:28:42 --> 00:29:29
			Yes, he gets isolated, he gets upset. And then the further SMS, she says this we've been, we've been
for counseling, he apologizes, but they have to it happens again and again. Now you won't see a
counselor. So basically, they will put person maybe becomes a recluse under stress. Yeah, I think
that's the point. You see, the not counting just is good. But what is important, and I'm sure that
whenever they need to probably give them action steps. Now, the critical impact of any counseling
suggests often that you will dictate your routine, check your pattern of behavior, and emphasize you
know, what is important and unimportant. They do reinvent yourself you do things you've never done
		
00:29:29 --> 00:29:59
			before. But if you as an individual, have been the perpetrator of something wrong, and you find it
difficult because of psychological stuff, whatever it is, the need to go for more counseling session
in that way where the counselor can identify the deep underlying problems. And just see another
point you see, whenever you know when the when the when people come for counseling, the recurring
tinnitus and especially when it's rarely
		
00:30:00 --> 00:30:02
			When the marriage is just
		
00:30:03 --> 00:30:39
			hanging up, it's almost like a thread that is keeping them together, we are told that you know what
I, my husband and I discussed it. And I know he never changed, we make promises for one, two days is
fine, and then the monster in him comes out and this is a recurring pattern. So I therefore, I think
what is important, sometimes there has to be some kind of cause and there has to be some kind of
compliance on his part, because you cannot, you know, do this and expect your wife to maintain a
composure to be dependent on your
		
00:30:40 --> 00:30:58
			mood, your vacillating moods and your attitude. So I think this is something you need to understand,
right? That we manage the situation, you make a commitment to it, and you're going to live by it,
you know what you're supposed to be doing, I did not turn on the earth, it doesn't mean you're home
as the * on earth.
		
00:31:02 --> 00:31:19
			It's just continued on. So sorry, 21 minutes before 12, listening to our mission on radio slam
International, my guest this morning for the Idris camisa. He's speaking to us from the UK. This
morning, it is moving away from the issue of marriage and the abuse issue
		
00:31:21 --> 00:31:27
			in our children, as well. And in the challenges that we have as parents.
		
00:31:28 --> 00:32:12
			Now we're coming towards the end of the year, and we preparing already, for the next year, and
valence are going to start facing this challenge of choosing the right school for their children,
also budgeting and preparing money to make sure that they have enough for school uniforms, school
fees, and all the like when it comes to shoes. And there are many, many demands that are that are
mandatory when it comes to many of the schools that we put our children in, what advice would you
have in this regard for our parents? I think you know, this is the point. I know, you know, my heart
goes out to many parents,
		
00:32:13 --> 00:33:02
			often times of age very difficult to sustain his family, and to make them live a life that you like
them, you know, because there's so many challenges. But the important imperative is that you need to
lead a life that is simple. live below your means. It's very easy for me to say that. And do you
find that the you know, kids are growing up in an environment where they feel right next to them,
lots of accesses this afternoon, the life of luxury and optional, but they seem to be denied some of
the basic things, and therefore it's terrible. But we mustn't forget that we are the primary
educators because they say every child comes to school with three things with an attitude of baggage
		
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03
			of values,
		
00:33:04 --> 00:33:37
			and an IQ. And so it's important when children are growing up, when you are there, that your own
lifestyle would inform them, your values would inform them that you plant the seeds that are planted
and malleable, about the risky about, you know, living within your means. And not living through
credit cards and so on and so forth. So and I think accordingly, we need to
		
00:33:40 --> 00:34:06
			sorry, hello. Hello. Yeah, sorry. You can hear me? Yes, I can hear you. Yeah. So so. So I think this
is this is very important. So when they're choosing the school, of course they got there many
decisions to be made. And then you've got to choose a school that perhaps is close to your locality.
So there isn't the burden of transportation, certainly to the school.
		
00:34:07 --> 00:34:24
			We believe that the school itself does provide holistic education besides the narrow cognitive
education, the child is developed emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and in many other ways
to make it the school doesn't exist on this earth.
		
00:34:25 --> 00:34:58
			You know, I may say yes, you're right. Okay. Then you need to look at all of that all of those
factors. And but most importantly is that choosing a school is only one aspect. But But what is more
important, is the attitude. The school doesn't make the individual the individual. You get set up
some dynamic, inspirational teacher there that can inspire your child, even though you may be
reluctant to study. But the important thing is that drive the passion. The young man has
		
00:35:02 --> 00:35:03
			Hello, yes,
		
00:35:04 --> 00:35:06
			that's that's a good thing.
		
00:35:07 --> 00:35:25
			If you've ever received another SMS and this one says My son is married for four years, you stopped
coming to us parents have a small argument everyone says to me as a mother let go and move on, how
does a mother do that? It is so difficult as I loved my son too, but
		
00:35:26 --> 00:35:29
			yeah, this also is become
		
00:35:31 --> 00:35:58
			a deciding factor right? Now, what do you need to do is that that I say to people, if your son is
happily married Alhamdulillah wonderful. Let him be happy to you and make the why inshallah, that
you come around the doors of the mother I accepted, but if his attitude towards you, has been
forcibly changed because of pressure from his wife?
		
00:36:01 --> 00:36:29
			Do you know, I have a real issue with that. So I think it's, I pray and i and i Funny enough, I said
this A day or two ago, that your all children regard the parents as innocent, the embodiment of
virtue, the paragon of virtue, and when they look at their spouses to the eyes, look at the mothers
fathers the eyes of the spouses, suddenly the same mother is not that innocent mother that he knew
right? So
		
00:36:31 --> 00:36:55
			then the mother must inshallah you know, forgiving. And if these open the doors and I feel that if
the I if an argument caused this, at least they should look at some ways means and ways for some
objective individual how to repair the damage do not do not ignore it. But often the
misunderstanding
		
00:36:56 --> 00:37:18
			is based on quarter to 12 we'll take a break again, and in summer we'll be back after the listeners
can continue with the SMS is on 0731738461 Stay tuned. Mr. Rico on Verizon international supportive
in helping the most needy and the orphans in South Africa and overseas. Donate to soccer soccer
		
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			donate online at www dot Islamic daschle stop cousin visits the Islamic Relief offices in
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cash and carry for all your deep cuts specials are all listed groceries distributors have the widest
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			no matter where you come from or what language you speak. As much as space is a place to go to stop
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			maybe
		
00:38:37 --> 00:38:38
			Tony
		
00:38:49 --> 00:38:50
			she curses
		
00:38:55 --> 00:38:55
			nurses.
		
00:39:06 --> 00:39:24
			It's 30 minutes before 12 Welcome back to a mushrik and welcome back to our guest this morning
brother Idris Fermi's are speaking to us from the UK this morning. It is my final word in Sharma.
It's almost the end of our program today. I think my final words, I mean, I think all of us
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:29
			need to understand our own mortality. We need
		
00:39:31 --> 00:39:59
			to know your family and relationship the lines deliver a suit sallallahu Sallam allies, Gopal Rahim.
We need to be the inspiration for our children. We need to do the right things mustn't be a source
of embarrassment. We need to create a sanctuary a culture at home when these together togetherness
and cohesion, and most importantly, a true introspection and you find that I find a lot of people
		
00:40:01 --> 00:40:26
			any justification we have provided the smile we forgot to plead the forgotten to demonstrate our
emotions you know? So with those few words from the UK at cinema Lake warahmatullah wabarakatuh and
mowlana Do not forget your pump show you're looking after your ship of Alina gt GDG, LACMA, Sierra
and for your time this morning in Brisbane, and inshallah we'll speak to you next week is Allah
okay?
		
00:40:27 --> 00:40:55
			It's just on 11 minutes to 12 you're listening to our MasterCard ladies time International. My guest
this morning was brother Idris camisa. An interesting program. And speaking with Byzantine speaking
about spousal abuse and speaking about the different challenges that we face in our homes,
particularly children, Zealand to you for listening this morning on Almazbek and inshallah Aziz very
soon we'll be back and running with our normal
		
00:40:56 --> 00:40:58
			equipment or clothes or proper studio equipment.
		
00:40:59 --> 00:41:08
			As soon as that gets repaired, stay tuned to come to my studio later this morning. privacidad salaam
aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.