Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 20.03.2014

			Six minutes Safina said Mr Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu
		

			unraid Islam internationally this Thursday morning and inshallah as he is looking forward to an
interesting discussion on social issues today with our esteemed guests, brother Idris camisa was out
of the country for the last two weeks and inshallah, today we'll be speaking to this camisa from
Dubai, and we hope to be speaking to him about some interesting social issues and improvement
methods and techniques as well inshallah, so we'll be joining up hooking up with Ed samisen. Just a
few minutes. Meanwhile, stay tuned to the Canadian standards national
		

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			Welcome back to
		

			Islam international and a warm warm warm welcome back to our brother Idris camisa who was in Dubai
at the moment looking at the palm trees swinging in the wind in his wife Monica
		

			okay seems the line just plopped there. We're gonna try and get it back on the line inshallah one
another part is working on it as we speak. And yes it is by at the moment is in Dubai he is on a
tour with conducting workshops he was in the UK as well came to Dubai conducted workshops there as
well. And by tomorrow should be home in Shannon Aziz. And
		

			our program is going to focus around social issues. So while we are waiting for Idris camisa to come
on to the line, I'd like to welcome you to the program and welcome you to our discussion as well.
The number that you can SMS if you have any questions, any issues that you would like to discuss any
things that you'd like to bring up you 0731738461 and if you would like to
		

			Call into the program as well my studio predetermine an artifact. We'll be waiting for your call
zero double 18541548 inshallah you can join in on the discussion as well you can ask any questions
that you would like to ask. Do we have these five back on the line? Dr. Abdullah Maulana I am back
to is good to hear your mellifluous voice assalamu alikum walaikum salam Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh?
How are you keeping these fine? What can I say? No allies, so merciful, so merciful, you know, after
my meeting us genoten me Allah bless everyone there, you know, who has been kind enough to host us,
sister Shakira, and, you know, Mr. Kaji and sasara meeting all of them and the community and it's so
		

			nice to see that the sisters together with a brothers get organized a nice program. But for me, the
highlight was the meeting your
		

			family law? Yes, it was an excellent reunion. It is right to be able to meet you again and to have
an opportunity to listen, listen in on your workshop as well. And I'm deliberately benefiting from
the seeds also the gift with regards to public speaking and family life is greatly beneficial for us
as well.
		

			You've been out of the country for a few for for since then it is fine. Yes, I'm the law. You know,
I this is like they I get very emotional. Because after
		

			the last two weeks, I spent the two or three days in Abu Dhabi, where they had a peace conference
and the patron of the peace conference, Sheikh Abdullah bin Baya, the spiritual teacher and mentor
of say, comes the use of an they're scholars from throughout the world. Really the message of peace
that Sheikh Abdullah bin Baya embodies, and, you know, it was so graphic when they illustrated
		

			the Muslims in the past and the Muslims, the President, you know, the Muslim the past, we can see
Muslims praying different parts of the world, and the Muslim, the President, now, you find this
conflict throughout the world, you know, and then the what the future is all going to be about so I
spent two days there three days, then I went to the UK and under the law
		

			and in the UK, sorry.
		

			Yes, carry on. Can you
		

			please give a summary of the UK trip umbrella I was hosted primarily by an organizational called
first ethical trust. And they do incredible work in schools. And, and for the first time, I did a
three hour presentation with our alum in Bradford and another one, also in in jewsbury
Alhamdulillah. And I spoke about the art of public speaking from the Islamic perspective, and they
were so receptive Alhamdulillah and they just so nice to hear our own mowlana Nirmala was there
before me. So, you know, illustrious scholars are coming there, and I'm just getting in, you know,
		

			on the law, and then I did a parenting program in London. Then I did the one program called
creativity in the Madrid for for olives and elymas. I did that on Saturday. Then on Sunday, I
address head teachers in Birmingham on Tuesday. Again, creativity in the classroom. And so I've been
quite busy Alhamdulillah and just made a one day stop here in
		

			in Dubai and I'm here with my friend Adnan you know, minty is always named for Masada.
		

			So I'm the Lamia with him now they'll be home tomorrow Inshallah mashallah so So, you are in terms
of now on your way back home, inshallah inshallah Maulana
		

			the good news, man, it's so gratifying when I go there. They say they do Islam. They like Maulana
arafat.
		

			No surprise that so many people listen to radio Islam. molana they listen to our program. Yeah. And
you know, our our soldiers, our soldiers, one one men came there. He says he is the father or
grandfather is not well at all. And he listens to radio Islam. And he was thought that he met me. He
gave me some honey and all of that, you know, you don't know whose lives we are touching. May Allah
bless everyone involved with Reggio Islam that they continue to hear the hearts and minds of people
because the oma requires a lot of meaning. It requires a dynamic leadership and we need to do things
differently. inshallah, if you want to create social cohesion
		

			Bring your feet automatic consciousness, then if you want to empower people and hamdulillah
		

			inshallah
		

			Yes, and, you know, preparedness
		

			really needs people like you to go around and, you know, assistant guide and motivate. And lambda,
you know, there's great benefit that people
		

			take from these types of workshops and programs, you know, in a, in a small town like international
Hamdulillah, with the program that you had there, and the feedback that they received afterwards
from the local community as well. They were very, very grateful. And in especially the Sunday
program as well, that you conducted with the teachers, they were really grateful about that. And it
really opened up the minds of as well. In our umbrella, you know, what can I say Allah is merciful,
but only share one story very quickly, not to be modest to pretension. And this is to inspire our
scholars to inspire our alima, alima alima, all of them, that they must not, in some sense, think
		

			they're not having any impact on the hearts and minds of children. I met in Abu Dhabi. I was
introduced to a young lady maybe in the late 20s, or whatever. She said, I was introduced to her,
she said to me, are you the same Idris camisa that came to Manchester girls, and you spoke to the
girls, I should have come there a few times. He says, Well, let me tell you, our the 13 year old
girl was going to conflict. I have no idea. I had no idea what was going on in this world, and also
has been through conflict with my family. He said, But your talk inspired me so much, you know, and
I started to carry you know, and look at it. Do we know this? You know, so I think you know if this
		

			is maybe a shorting as educators, that we must realize that the power we have of healing the hearts,
connecting with people and making a difference to their lives, you know, oh, yes, we don't realize
and appreciate what we ourselves are doing in the differences that we can make in a person's life
and just a simple word, a simple statement, in such a profound impact on somebody's life, that they
can really change the entire course of life, just by listening to a lecture. And not only that
monana at some point, that seems This is a reinforcement to all the presenters involved with radio
Islam, that they are those individuals who are all in village, you are the only companion You're the
		

			only one begin and sucker and comfort. You're the only one that is a you know, reminding them about
what the purpose is, you bring joy to people, you uplift them, you connect them to Nabi sallallahu,
wasallam into the Quran. And this is an opportunity, I mean, we are doing Dawa every day of our life
involved with this. And I pray that we sincerely exploit the situation and make sure that we discuss
the issues that are impinging on the oma issues that needed to be attended to inshallah. inshallah,
as easy as it is by over this, these two weeks. You've humbler besides this interesting trip,
obviously, you've done lots of counseling as well. And I know just a day in
		

			that we had together they were number of people who came to you for advice, different types of
advices. And generally, what type of things have you been up to?
		

			law, just the whole point, I think sometimes we can take our families for granted, you know, it's
very, very important that we reconnect, I think what happens because of the stresses of modern
living, allow, it almost consumes us you're immersed in it, and as a result, we do not really spend
the time we ought with our families, that is one serious issue right. The other important issue is
this is this the husband and wife, they are they need to understand their respective roles. And they
are dynamic partners, you know,
		

			hello,
		

			dynamic partners in the relationship God is happening, especially for sisters, right. Many of them
are getting frustrated when they look after the home look after the children and the husband
		

			wants to have nothing to do with it. He feels that he long as I feed and clothe them, that is a sum
total of my responsibility and that is creating a problem. And you find that lots of Sisters now
inverted commas rebelling against that kind of notion, you know.
		

			And the other the other important dynamic is that, you know, I was quite surprised
		

			When I dealt with one case, where you find that, you know, siblings, you know, you speak by sibling
rivalry, but the rivalry, you know, is that something that is there for the rest of our lives? I
mean, when we get married and whatnot, surely, there has to be some reconnection with the family,
and nothing parents a very significant role in trying to address that, you know, yes, that sibling
rivalry have has to,
		

			at a certain point in our lives, it has to come to some sort of truth, I would say, oil shouldn't be
living our entire life in that type of competition, which is not entirely healthy. Absolutely, and
I'll tell you, you know, where A is fair, Pika Alhamdulillah. Either, we don't realize how fortunate
we are, that we have a very supportive community around us. And we have our families around us, and
people that have seen other parts of the world, you know, they don't have that kind of support. And
when I did this program here on Saturday, in London, and there are a number of people wanted to meet
with me, you know, and that one lady May, you know, really, my heart went out to her. She says to
		

			me, that you know, what, unlike a single parent, my husband is in prison, he's gonna be there for a
very, very long time. And I am a lot of challenges bringing up the children you know, and look at
the woman's royalty a commitment to a marriage. And so the kind of issues that we never thought
would impact oneness are now becoming an integral part of our lives. So I think it really be as the
oma we as a community, we need to address issues vigorously we need to understand the issues and
more importantly we need to support each other and to end this whole thing of I think, we need to
once again celebrate our families reconnect with them, inshallah.
		

			Yes, inshallah, and it is. And
		

			it is my
		

			What about parenting in in Dubai, I know, in the Arab world, generally, there is a problem that
parents are facing and you know, I've been reading up in the news, rebelliousness, opulence that
lavish lifestyle, heavy hit cases like that people come in to discuss with you. Yes, I I've been
having those cases. In fact, I remember. Remember, some many years ago, I did a series of programs
in just a series of programs in Jeddah. And
		

			one businessman approached me said to me, you know, what, we want to fly you to Jeddah. And we'd
like you to do a program I said, How many days or how many days you view your program the evening
and it's finished.
		

			He said to me that you are too busy to look after our children in such a new country, that we can't
do a two three hour program, and expect the program to impact on you because there are many
practical things. So we sadly, I mean, we don't have the time. And you know, like, what struck me
this morning, I said, the, you know, sometimes the impoverishment of the affluence of people is
worse than the deprivation of the poor, you know,
		

			you know, and then so this is Monica put it my Twitter message, you know, so and this is the whole
issue. In fact, I might have mentioned this early on that in some homes in the Middle East, and May
Allah protect all our homes, I think they will. If the maid that is on Philippines has to leave, or
go for a holiday sale find that a greater loss than the past year we have the mother You know,
		

			yes, because they've made plays such a big role. And she just basically fulfills what
		

			you know, what, everybody or what the mother is actually supposed to be doing in that home?
		

			Absolutely, absolutely. So that the depth in the mother's role there. And so therefore, you need to
understand that you cannot be clinical when it comes to your children, there has to be an emotional
connection, they must feel connected with you, do you have them love them? And I'm not suggesting at
all that we need to spoil them you know, and as a mistake many people make you you've got to, you
know, develop in them discipline, you've got to create them a love and passion for living in a
passion to do the right things. And, and especially with the sisters is now you have to do it as a
collective, which
		

			is why we need to take a short break and inshallah we will
		

			return with the
		

			with the program just after the break inshallah. inshallah listeners Stay tuned. already some
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			treatments of 11 Welcome back to The mushrik on radio Islam international and it is why are you
still on the line.
		

			You're listening to your mellifluous voice from the beautiful town of ermelo.
		

			We were speaking about your speaking about parenting and the challenges that are faced by those type
of parents they obviously it doesn't necessarily mean that a person who's living a lavish lifestyle
is a bad parent.
		

			But what happens and this is what we are finding in these type of countries is the child gay is
generally not handled by the parents for the handled by other individuals, whether it's by the
Filipino maid or by other people. And this is perhaps a topic that we can address on for a little
while.
		

			The issue of handing handing science K over to a third party not not not taking on the challenge
ourselves.
		

			You know, please we don't want the people that have flown to think that we are having a dig at them.
You know he's far from it.
		

			affluence is not an issue. But if you if you need attitude, then it's an issue. Because you can
never delegate parenting, especially in the formative years. If you're the father, the mother, you
got to interface with your child. You cannot delegate it to anyone else. You've got to understand
what goes on in their world. You cannot by their love, but you can do things with them inshallah.
And when you do things with them inshallah that will create a rapport, a love must be the foundation
that is fundamental. And we must also understand that you are referred early on about social media.
It is a social media that has ensnared the hearts and minds of our children, that they become so
		

			addicted to it. They are almost enslaved to it. They almost like kill a sense of bondage. And it's
so important that we need to understand that being a father is just a biological thing. But being a
dad, it goes far beyond that it is effective, it is spiritual, it is emotional, if your
psychological. So we
		

			Need to play a role together and we need to understand each other inshallah
		

			everybody the issue of, of parents, leaving their children with others to care for them, or ending
the upbringing of children over to caregivers,
		

			can we can we just dwell on that?
		

			We can, we can, in fact, what is happening is this, that what brings the husband and wife together,
what brings it together is number one, the love they have for each other. And more importantly, is
the respect and what they do Do for each other. Now, if, for example, in your home, you have never
cooked for your husband, or vice versa, please, I don't want to get it wrong, that, you know, I've
got no issue the man wants to cook sometimes also is a good idea. But if we don't do things like
that for each other, as soon as you're doing the cooking, and doing everything else, for that
matter, I mean, you know, you, you must expect every opportunity to do something, you know, that is
		

			a labor of love, that brings people together. And as a result, what happens that, you know, in
theory, you perhaps in some homes, you get so many people, caregivers and whatnot, you know, but
it's okay, even if you have that, but the fundamental things like service, the fundamental things
like eating together, the fundamental things, like taking your kids to school, the these are
fundamental things. Now, you cannot delegate or GST at times when you are under pressure, then you
need to help us to help you to do these things. And you find that way in a home, where people are
obliged to do things with each other, and they do it with love. What does he do? It sort of develops
		

			in your sense of gratitude. You appreciate the other and you make dua for the other. Mmm, can you
imagine?
		

			It's the otherwise, when you have not done yet, you haven't done much for your kids, you you provide
them with a wonderful home and palatial home, you provide them with cars, you did all of those
things. But the same soon as they grow up, they'll say, you know what, I never knew who my father
was I, I never got to know him. You know, I never even heard from him. I can't remember when last
		

			I had a conversation with him. And these are things that are so critical. I mean, when I look back
at my own life, he has so many vivid conversations I can remember I had with my mother, my father.
And you know, you become very emotional because at that time, in your naivety, he didn't quite
understand the importance of the gravity of these words. Now, as you grow up and mature, you
realize, you know, how fun and how powerful, how philosophical and how pragmatic those words were
from people of food through wisdom, who may not have gone to the university, but really graduated
from the University of life. And this is to me, you know, a serious and missing dimension is the
		

			wisdom of the ages. The wisdom of the elders. And what we have rarely is the superciliousness or
superficiality of the present, you know, so this is something that worries and I'm so so glad that
you are us thinking about this and maybe maybe,
		

			you know, people may have another point of view. Another point of view will say, you know what,
there's no issue to have caregivers, but I have caregivers in my home number of them. I don't even
cook at home, but yet, we have a family routine. We spend time with a family. That's okay. You see,
that's a antidote to all of these things.
		

			Yes, and it's just to welcome our listeners to
		

			our program and welcome them to SMS if there's any questions that you may have for Idris camisa
0731738461. That's a number that you can SMS and you can call us as well and 118541548
		

			it is I have received and an SMS that says Islam monocle married for 26 years. I have my own house
16 years now but my husband just doesn't want to do the house up. I don't have time to even plastic
mess, my bathrooms, rooms, nothing is done in don't even want to knock a nail on the wall. It just
can talk to him about doing things around the house. It's all about him even a bit like his best
lamps are
		

			Greetings isn't just a one two CDs advice?
		

			Yes, you know, the the issue that she's raising has become commonplace in our in our homes. And
therefore one of my recurring suggestions has always been that, you know, you said to the family, it
is once a week, and then each one would speak about what needs to be done at home, where
responsibilities are shared, who's going to make the phone call, who's going to call the plumber,
and so on and so forth. If you don't want to do it physically, I mean, I don't have an issue with
that, in the sense of knocking the nail yourself. But at least if you get someone to get you done
this good god, what is happening, woman especially, she has a sense of pride when it comes to the
		

			home. Men, many men sadly, did not have that kind of pride. And for a woman, they're extremely
sensitive. And especially when they get visitors, when they could have done their home up when they
have the capacity, they have the material aspects to do something about they have done nothing about
it, it puts the them in a very, very difficult and embarrassing situation. So I can tell you this,
this is coming from sad, I just trust and hope and pray that we men make sure we do the right
things. Because we are away from the home. So it is not like a nightmare to us. But our sisters who
are working at home, especially they sit every day, they deal with it. For that it's like a
		

			recurring nightmare.
		

			must make it easy for everybody. It is by
		

			some people obviously they are forced by circumstances and different situations, they may have to
leave their children with a caregiver, they are forced, because of work reasons because of whatever
other reason, it may be they are forced to leave their children with caregivers, are there any
guidelines that can advise them with about how to handle the situation, how to make sure that, you
know, still the hold remains on the children
		

			is very important. I think the caregivers need to understand the ethos of the home, the culture, the
home, the values of the home, they are required to go through some kind of induction and
orientation. And it must be that the caregivers are like the extension the home, that the message
that caregivers are giving the children are no different from the message that parents are giving.
Because once there is a conflict regarding that, then that can really have a profound and negative
impact on the kid. And then what you also can do, then the kids that grow up in our days almost like
a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of personality was they are they would you they would show is the
		

			qualities you want. And once the kid give us a different kind of thing, right? And so it must not be
that the caregivers undermining the home. But sometimes you'll find in the extreme cases, they can't
give us more effective as tenants, the tenants themselves would not fully understand the nature of
things, the nature of the work that they are doing, you know.
		

			And they just mean what other issues have you been facing in this last few weeks? Perhaps something
that could be beneficial for all of our listeners?
		

			Yes, you know, the many, many other issues. What I want to share with you
		

			is the following. I think the issue again about premarital counseling is critical in
		

			the metacognition that you need to do that, you know, okay,
		

			fundamental, I think we can overly emphasize that. And also, I think
		

			the other critical aspect is these very, very important that we promote the idea also of the
developing kids that are confident kids that the articulate the kids that can speak in public with
confidence, because what is happening that even said today, our son cannot even defend the faith.
And I think more than anything else, I mean, when I gave the talk on creativity in the curriculum,
in Birmingham, you know, most of them are very receptive, you know, when it's quite clear at the
same that we normally teach the way we have been thought you know, so there isn't an openness and we
as a woman also that what worries me that we have stopped reading and reading is a habit we need to
		

			inculcate nurturance we need to develop that habit and shall and that will make a lot of difference
inshallah. inshallah We'll take a short break now, and manana I left to go up on the army someone's
fully dropped me off.
		

			You go well, I said no, I must have destroyed
		

			Then we'll do otherwise I'll be, I'll be having deprivation, which is
		

			this way. inshallah we will we will speak to you next week when you're on home grounds, inshallah
shoprunner
		

			Mahabharata, that is 90 minutes before 1230. In
		

			the back just after that stay tuned to our mashreq International
		

			Welcome back to mushrik on radio Islam International, you're speaking to Idris camisa. And it is my
head to sign off from the program but nevertheless, in Shanahan says we will continue just with a
brief advice before we sign off as well. The question is that have you ever been wronged by someone?
Has anybody ever wronged you or maybe committed some atrocity against you maybe hurt you in some way
physical harm backbiting about you, made an allegation made a false stain about you said something
bad about you belittle you disgraced you, whatever else it may be, have you ever been wronged by
someone. And
		

			if we have been, then our nature is that we don't want to just forgive the past. We want to take
revenge. We want to get even we want to get our name cleared up. We want to make sure
		

			that we act, even Encino things are sorted out. And forgiveness, as we understand is not the
attribute of a request. And forgiveness is the attribute of a strong person. And if you want to live
above average, then forgiveness must be one of your attributes. One possible reason that, why it's
hard to forgive. It's because you can forgive yourself. You might have made mistakes in the past and
you blame yourself for those mistakes. And since you can forgive yourself, it's hard for you to
forgive others as well. This is maybe one of the reasons why you cannot forgive people. And the
first step to forgiving is to be able to forgive yourself. You need to realize that nobody is
		

			perfect. You need to realize that everyone makes mistakes, including yourself. And you are now
continuously blaming yourself for your past mistakes. But you must realize that you are also prone
to make mistakes, and there's no reason for you not to give yourself a chance a second chance in
life. Certainly by giving yourself a second chance that you can give others a second chance it's
important point and you can then learn to forgive other people. And important thing for us to
remember is that forgiveness is a matter of decision. Not feeling. This is important. Forgiveness is
a matter of decision.
		

			Not feeling you might not feel like forgiving somebody but you can decide to forgive that person you
make the decision to forgive and let the burden go. Remember what, when you forgive other people,
you are setting yourself free. You may think that by not forgiving as you make the lives miserable,
but the fact is, the person who is most miserable is you. But is the reason for that miserable
feeling. It's because you can have peace in your heart until you forgive the person who has wronged
you, no matter how much you own. You still cannot live with inner peace. And you might think that
you are okay. But that's because you've forgotten what true peace is like. The true peace is when
		

			you forgive people and remember the burden that you put yourself through. What you put your put onto
yourself is not worth it by not forgiving people
		

			need to step into the power of forgiveness and living a free and peaceful life is greatly greatly
greatly better than living a life that you hold grudges and bitterness in. Just forgive others and
you will get happiness as well. You can Zealand for listening to our music and radio Islamic
messenger coming to my studio Prieta for an artifact and inshallah I will be back on Saturday
morning and marriage is on the air was Madonna Habib babat will be speaking about advices of parents
to the children before they get married. And stay tuned into the program on Saturday morning at 10
o'clock. inshallah we'll be having some interesting advices for newlyweds then as well and perhaps
		

			the same advisors can be applied to others as well. Insha Allah Hafiz. Stay tuned today at some
special forms you need to start to Solomonic and want to learn a lot of cattle