Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 16.10.2014

			salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Welcome to Al mashreq on radio Islam International, and
apologies for the delay that inshallah Allah is to join our program today by far the easiest Cammisa
and we will commit to stay on the line as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Wa Alaikum.
Salaam salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatu. Maulana, I must tell you, that delete call was very painful
for me, you know, two people love each other. You can imagine waiting at the phone, when is he going
to open it?
		

			Can you imagine all the listeners waking up and just enter in? Mm xiety is by going to be with us
today are not? No, no, no, no, you're very, very merciful. But Malala I'm telling you something
quickly. Right. Before you said what you were talking about. I you know, where I'm really concerned
that the minute people can fold do not sound some offering something to people, right. I'm going to
give them five free tickets. The first five callers, right? And I'm doing this program next week,
Saturday, October 25. At nano Memorial, they are one is from nine to 12 in the same program from two
to five. Can I just tell you what it's all about is called Live your power is coordinated by all
		

			calf by nanny my and my spiritual court. There are four of us when you speak the four or five of us
used to Linda speak about abundance through business, Abdullah manaaki to speak about intention to
action. Lucky the author of the book, you're the man and I'm going to speak about power speaking. So
the first five callers we will give them three tickets to this program. And we we do need to the
good offices of Reggio Islam. So let's talk and want people to phone Okay, excellent. Excellent.
Have a piece by and what date and time is the program? Yes, they can come on Saturday, the 25th is
from nine to 12 9am Memorial Hall. Right Nana Memorial Hall and then they must really come there and
		

			they must say these are the winners from the radio SNAP program would be one that you need to start
and then we'll do a similar thing next week inshallah. excellent excellent of atheists. I think that
is very exciting and anybody
		

			who wants to attend the program most definitely has to fall in and inshallah share with us your
thoughts in the discussion that we will be having now inshallah has CNN and what monana is called
Live your power is really it's inspirational, insightful talk and all my three other speakers and
the others are very, very dynamic and inspirational. Right? Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah,
Alhamdulillah shuckers Mashallah. Good, good opportunity and good incentive for our listeners to
call into the program today.
		

			If you are in fact use of gender one of the speakers Westview is a cousin of mine, and definitely
one of the very inspirational people that we know none of the law you know, I'm so good. No, there's
no coincidence in Islam. I make use of only last year and you become like brothers Alhamdulillah he
has gone through so many journeys in his life. And he spoke with passion with emotion about his
spiritual journey his heart and people like that we have these again, you know, community in
absolute monarchies that lucky all of them they are here as an opportunity for them to grow an
opportunity for them to impact on the lives of people because a clear message monana is this it to
		

			everyone? Each one of you has a story to tell a story to uplift, a story of pain, a story of joy, a
story that you can lead a life of significance inshallah inshallah Sham and as you verify, it seems
that this incentive is worth
		

			to people waiting on the lines.
		

			And if I am good mode, if I'm in a good mood or give it to 10 people, let's see what happens.
Excellent, excellent. Let's take our first caller brother Sam assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah lot
		

			of Mr. alikum.
		

			And I want them
		

			to let
		

			us know that it was Sam, I'm an anonymous caller, but I'm also waiting to try to get the tickets
inshallah. Oh, Mashallah.
		

			Anonymous.
		

			Okay. The sister can either come on Saturday, the 25th come at half past eight to register, or she
could come half past one for the afternoon programs. She has a choice of either of the two. Okay.
		

			Can you leave your details with our engineer for the summer we'll take down your details and
inshallah we will send the confirmation to you as well.
		

			Okay that'll be fine Can I do that
		

			anyway more than I put anonymous and she can just assess for phone reception and give the detailed
GLP you can call it perception that event detail is interesting. Your name down
		

			Felicity Shall
		

			we have another caller also waiting on the line as salaam alaikum folly Calista mouth
		

			she welcome sister follicle slam
		

			it this way this is a second follow up tickets inshallah. inshallah okay in what we do monana I
think let us have a discussion for us. They must find some say about
		

			say from about 10 to 12 onwards. Okay, let's have a discussion. Or she can be read No, but anyway
sister your phone now? We are you falling for the tickets you also got you on right you must find
the station and give them your details. All right. Okay. Right. Sonico
		

			Okay, so that will not get anywhere and never carry on with our discussion. Others will be taking
follow
		

			the track Yes, very interesting and important certain and discussion that we need to go into in the
little while remaining. And management is a new word that I'm learning
		

			between parents and children, perhaps you could elaborate for us. You know, molana is something that
is so, so powerful. And I'm so glad that you're sharing this. And it's important for fathers and
mothers, daughters, sons couples to listen to this. And measurement by the word and mesh suggests
you are entangled. Like when you For example, mollycoddle your children, where you make your
children so dependent on you for affection for everything, that suddenly what you find that even
when you have grown up into an individual, you are still tied to your mother's apron. Yes, we love
and respect our parents. But when you get married, it's also the the degree of independence, where
		

			you should be able to stand on your own two feet and make some decisions. Of course, you want to
have szura with your family, but you must not be torn between satisfying the needs of your wife and
satisfying the needs of your parents. And I have found there are more and more children that have
become so dependent on the parents are not even take one step without their support and the wife You
know what I'm speak my mother about persona, speak my mother about these words. And this really
creates a blur, it creates a lot of negativity, because people must understand, parents must
understand that we love our children, but you mustn't smother them to such an extent that you do
		

			everything for them to such an extent that you rob them of the independence to such an extent in
fact,
		

			Milan ambitious somebody with you.
		

			I also deal with the issues like sexuality issues, I found that one of the signs one of the even
homosexuality, I'm gonna put my head out here and I'll say this is also emanates when, when mothers
smother the children with so much of affection, that the man almost loses visibility, his
masculinity and therefore, he feels so a feminist that he wants to instead of looking for
relationship in marriage, with the opposite *, he wants same * marriage. So enmeshment is a very
dangerous thing. enmeshment is something that is can be insidious. And measurement is when the the
the parents exerts so much of control so much of control, that the child itself cannot do, what
		

			adults should be doing.
		

			And
		

			there's two sides to it all obviously, the one side of it is that as a child, you have to keep on
respecting your parents, you have to show that affection kindness to parents, they have to make
Mashallah and take my shrine. So as of your sisters, can you answer to things when you want to go
ahead in your life, and that's the Baraka of having parents and especially aged parents. But on the
other hand, this enmeshment that you are speaking about is the extreme of this for something
completely different when a person now feels that they really can't move a step for chanting any
steps in life. Without the gap not only depressing, but I would say without the approval
		

			Have a parent. Yeah, you see, that's the point. The point is, we're not saying we're not talking
about independence way, you do not communicate with them. It's about it, they feel it, they feel a
sense of guilt when they do things, even though, you know, they're not required of them. And I'll
give you my own example, as I'm vanilla Alam vanilla. You know, Allah bless all our parents, and I
really missed and loved him so much, so much, may Allah grant him the highest status in Jana. And I
recall, you know, our my appearance allowed us to make independent decisions. And, and I should tell
them, my father asked me briefs, have you read the secara? Have you spoken to your friends whom you
		

			trust, you know, and that kind of thing will never say, you know, what, I and I, and I, and all my
brothers Alhamdulillah, you know, the, they made independent decisions in the sense that each one of
us is different. And the point is, we got the blessing of our parents. But when you feel out of
control that you cannot even do the slightest thing that you do is almost a kind of control, as it
were, like, it's almost you're torn between your wife and your mother. It's almost, it's unnatural,
you know.
		

			Now, if you say, in cases like this way, obviously, people firstly won't even recognize or even
realize, whether they are committing
		

			as well, once you are once you could call it a crime, we would call it this practice of this method
of enmeshment. How does a person perceive and recognize that they are doing that? You see, in most
instances, they will not recognize it, because it almost becomes instinctive, it's become part of
habit, and natural thing that you know, the kind of things away has been brought up in whatnot. And
you find that you see, therefore, if you look at the Islamic broad principles of parenting, it's
about the first seven years is bonding, fun seven to 14 instruction learning after 14, you become
the chance confident. Now what often happens it is the partner who observes the partner does not
		

			know, they understand the psychological concept of investment, what the partner would say, No, I'm
so frustrated, that no matter how little it is, whether it's, you know, how trivial it is, no matter
what it is, you know, that I'm only going to do this, after I speak to my parents or speak my
mother, or my mother, my mother, my mother, my mother, even though they are separated, physically,
the umbilical cord has not been severe in that sense. And what happens is this, then, you know,
people need to seek for help, and these help, and I can give people help, you know, it's a II know,
it requires, you know, a certain thing that needs to be done. Firstly, and awareness, this is
		

			happening to me, and I'm vanilla. I mean, I got a call the other day from someone, you know, at the
behest of his wife, who phoned me up and said, you know, what, my wife has spoken to you. And
initially, you know, and I'm sure you were shocked by what was this when you begin to understand the
dynamics, you know, so it's, it's a process that needs to be involved, a process in which even the
parents need to wean themselves of the children. I mean, I remember doing a poem in metric is called
walking away, where the father was recounting the story when his son was 18 year old, was not going
to leave home and go to university. And the words he used my son was arranged for my ob, but it was
		

			emotionally harrowing. It was traumatic. It was so so painful. Then he says, When I looked at God's
creation and look at the birth, that allowed his fledgling birds to fly, when they realize that's
part of nature, you love someone you let you let them go, when I saw the Winget seed flying away
from its mother, you know, I realized spice of life. So, this is a part of life otherwise what
happens when you smother your kids like that, when you are there for them every step of the way,
tended to every win. In other words, you make it clear to them that they cannot make a move, you
know, and you got to you know, keep the bond, right, if he can the crawl, right, then they will walk
		

			you know, you know and the fourth for the Get up and then they start running this part of life and
we need to understand that Allah forbid them enmeshment takes place when the mother dies, then jelly
via your son also dies with you in a sense, you know.
		

			It is a quite a few callers waiting on the ledger to see the caller's Mona. Okay, let's take the
first polish and Imani
		

			Monica Salama Ross, Mishima.
		

			Welcome to the program. So baccala how you have your phone for the tickets key, okay, and I'm very
lucky, you'll usually make a promise you can afford me again next week to contribute to the program
to inshallah, right, inshallah, okay, okay, what's your name system? Sit down for those okay? For
those does that mean that what you need to do? You need to find the station back and give them all
your details right okay or the other option is to make it easy you can text it to me on my cell
always 28951 double 91251 double nine one your ob 28251 double nine one at least some of this
program right now.
		

			She's gonna
		

			take the second color and armonico
		

			okay doesn't seem like the answer spoiler army. They think the next caller salaam aleikum.
		

			Hello.
		

			TV caller
		

			if you guys yeah, yeah, yeah. So. So this is the situation online. I think it's a lesson especially
for parents, you know, that
		

			you cannot insulate and isolate your children. You got to teach them skills, you know, to make
decisions but decision making, how to make decisions in life, that they have choices how they make
those choices. So these are important things.
		

			As you may have any more callers on the line.
		

			Welcome. Hey, welcome sister. Your name sister, Lois MANOVA documentary phone for the ticket g Okay,
fine, you got it. And you can get my number from the station you can text me your information. And
please promote the program as a lovely program
		

			allows him to have another color salaam aleikum.
		

			Normal colors
		

			hidden for falling on the program, it is I think his last few minutes, perhaps you could just
continue with our discussion, very interesting indeed. enmeshment a way of a child who is completely
dependent, dependent to the parent, or
		

			keep the child so and so under duress, that the child cannot take any step about
		

			this is speaking about, and you're most welcome to call in to contribute our discussion. Most
importantly, and 118541548.
		

			It is a one is one recognizing it later on in life. But the way to avoid it would obviously be the
way that we bring up our children and watch my wife, what advice would you give parents in Africa?
Yes, you know, you know, the home is a sanctuary in many ways. But now even that notion is changed
because of the social media, the TV and whatnot. My advice, basically to parents is the following.
		

			You could ask yourself the question, what are the attributes you're like your son or daughter to
have when they are young adults write it down. Now, they cannot have those attributes, if you are if
they're going to be dependent on you. If you want to develop in them leadership, if you want him to
be a man if you want him to be a person that contributed to society, and if for everything a becomes
dependent on you, then you're not allowing him that. So I think it's very, very important that the
father and mother need to develop
		

			they need to encourage the child participation and growth you know.
		

			We have a caller on the line from Roshni Assalamualaikum waalaikumsalam. Last
		

			year.
		

			You fought for the ticket system. here Did you find of what's your name sister, Sophia, Sophia.
Okay, Sophia, what you can do, you can text me your details. You can get the number from the station
and we look forward to seeing you and please promote the program as
		

			you can
		

			see, it is a huge, huge thing. Yeah. So I was saying that I think what's important is this, that we
got to realize that we are mortal beings, we are people that are going to die. And that you know, as
you know, when you mom said it's so beautifully, that we often worry what's going to happen to our
children. after we die. We should run the world.
		

			What's gonna happen to them after they die. And I think this is an important consideration. Because
for all our children, we want them to survive. They could be strong as individuals, they gotta be
resilient, they got to be compassionate also, they should be able to assert themselves. Now when
enmeshment takes place and there's no kind of assertion on their part, you're robbing them of this
decision making you're robbing them of their manhood you're robbing them of the possibility of
looking after another in marriage, you robbing them of even looking after the children of course, I
do not deny the benefits of grandparents I love them I appreciate them the wisdom is there, but for
		

			every little thing, now when your parents expect you to communicate with them or you expect to do
that and you feel there is a moral obligation then i that is you know, to me unacceptable because
really you are stripping yourself of your individuality and please I'm not suggesting that we are
individuals we are a family we need to love each other we need to respect each other we need to have
Shura even with our parents I've no problem with that. But when every little thing when the
whiteness seats in the perspective of a wife for example, let's look at that aspect. The wife in US
said no no.
		

			What do you do this weekend? No, I don't know. Let me speak my father and mother about it. Even
though you're on your own or even if you're not on your own Okay, it's more evening I thought about
this No, no, no. Let me You may not see it openly. Let me speak to my parents about it and this is
something is also in fact you know, homes amongst many things and inshallah Allah give the sense and
Allah treat essentially at home with these marhaba and love inshallah, that our children grow up
into young, independent adults who are the leaders of tomorrow, who are passionate about the deen
who understand the power of love the power of connecting a family to other people of making a
		

			contribution and strengthening the oma that is bleeding today.
		

			In
		

			the way we've got one caller on the line. Let's take the corner salaam aleikum qualico Salah
		

			progresses. suamico monocle says your name sisters more as the mighty smile. Okay, your your your
phone for the program. Sorry, your phone for the tickets. You're welcome, sister. And you can send
me your information there and you can register if you're coming for the morning program hoppers,
eight in the 25th Nana Memorial, or you could come there about half past one for the afternoon
program. Okay, so what is a program about I never last night? Okay. No.
		

			More like your permission. Can I say one more time? Yes, yes.
		

			You are, where you are, you know, what can I say more like, anyway, is called, is called Live your
power. All right, and what we have the assembly law, we've got
		

			four speakers in shall be four speakers. And each of the speakers are going to speak about one
aspect. And the first issue, Linda, who is very good in terms of business, he's going to speak about
essentially, about how you can be dynamic in your business about giving in business. Then Amanda to
speak about from intention to action. You start Lucky's gonna speak about he wrote a novel called
You the man I'm gonna speak about power speaking and the use of again about abundance to business.
So it's a short program. It's a dynamic program. It is sponsored by spiritual cause or calf anonima
the coordinating the program so a mix.
		

			Nana Memorial Hall, okay. Okay. Rama pasa tomato new. up just text me. Yeah. And you can you come
there anyway, right, Nana memorialized. Okay, okay. Okay. Right.
		

			So that's what I said. And he says, bye for your time this morning. And I'm Alana. And Shall we
continue with this program, we shall discuss the details. And you know, I think we need to have a
solid discussion about it. And next week, I'll share with you
		

			the practical steps besides what we spoke about, on a daily basis, right what we need to do, and
when parents see the kids showing an over dependence on them what they need to do, and when kids see
that they are being smarter also what they need to do without and I'm not suggesting Mawlana my
respect Mawlana that we should break up the relationship and something else I want to say very
quickly. Mona, do we have any dark secrets or Malanga salamandre what's next tomorrow night it will
be the MCs will be the guest speaker Yes. If you
		

			need to make a list
		

			Nice to
		

			meet speaking to us from Devon and chickens my studio operator this morning Bravo sama. Chicken you
for listening patience from Vanessa said Imani Kumar has a lot of our castles