Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 12.12.2013

			Eight minutes update. Evan Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
		

			Welcome to automatic on radio Islam International. It is Thursday morning and insha Allah has is
looking forward to an interesting program. It's more like a union, whether it is camisa salaam
aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			You know,
		

			what you're doing? You're you're creating what I call separation anxiety.
		

			absence makes the heart
		

			grow fonder.
		

			And my wife was out of sight out of mind.
		

			Definitely, definitely not. It is very good to be speaking to you, again, good to hear your voice
welcome back to the program. And I'm delighted
		

			to interact with you, I really look forward to the program, I like your demeanor, your pleasant
disposition, inshallah, we trade that together, we enable each other to make some slight difference
in the attitudes, the lives of our beloved brothers and sisters. inshallah, it is why we are looking
at social issues in this problem mainly, and we focus on issues that deal with,
		

			with basically what happens on a daily basis. And that is most often when it comes to you, and the
people who come to you for the counseling and for helping in marital affairs, kids problems,
schooling problems, etc. So we, we we seen a number of these things playing out in the news also on
a daily basis. And these things coming out in the open. But the basically,
		

			they were what we've seen over the last week, in particularly yesterday, seen a very, very
disturbing story. And this was an extreme, but the the the basic threads of the story of that story
is very similar to what is happening in many people's lives. And the story that they saw yesterday
was of a Chinese woman, she was having an argument and a fight with her husband just lasting quite a
long time. And in order to punish her husband, because she felt her husband wasn't respecting her
enough, she does her son, little five year old boy with battle,
		

			set him alight. And in the scuffle, she burned as well, and her husband burned as well in her boy
would most likely not survive the ordeal. So the threads of the stories of this study is very
similar to what's happening in many people's lives, is absolutely mowlana. You know, that is a very
tangible example of the impact of the anger and the impact, you know, you could understand that you
are not an individual, you know, you are connected to people socially, spiritually, emotionally, you
are a family, that your actions have an impact on everyone. You know, for example, the angry Father,
you know, who comes in reprimands me on the term affects the lives of everyone day, or the mother,
		

			who is stubborn, and is not prepared to accept the forgiveness of her husband, she wants to get good
at what he does. I mean, the Indian children themselves, and I've seen this too often, then we have
to take science, you know, that cannot be neutral, in the dynamic as well as that example, the very
tragic. It's a very, very sad example. And people must realize, you know, one of the things you
learn from that is the people in the diplomatic, they must be determined at the very outset,
especially when the chemistry is so strong, to look at now, how to deal with issues. Now. And that's
the point. The point is, you know, the Chinese women may have a case in medical minds against a
		

			husband, but to what extent he should demand things of her husband, that he's not capable of giving
on the first of May, you know,
		

			it definitely need to be nurtured into doing the right thing. So it's a very, very sad case. And
that is an example that, sadly, it's been many, many, many
		

			years this issue of
		

			what I mentioned, I mentioned it yesterday, my program as well as part of the current phase that we
have problems between husband and wife, and then we use the children as pawns in the debate and in
the arguments, and unfortunately, they are the victims.
		

			Have the trauma in their
		

			back into monitors, I could find that that's, to me, really, I'm glad you raised that issue is a
significant aspect of this. Sometimes when the mother cannot respond or recalculate, or, you know,
you know, accordingly, in what she does, she uses the child, the child becomes the innocent victim
to give went to a frustration. And and what you are really doing is you're not showing children how
to be with a situation of disagreement, how to ensure a situation of disagreement does not
degenerate into an argument and how an argument should not degenerate into any kind of physical
violence, where it has a tragic ramifications. And you write the email in in marriages, especially
		

			the people who suffer most in the marriage are the kids, the kids that may not appear conscious and
may not be acutely aware, as they grow up. But kids are kids, they're like sponges, they soak in all
the experiences, they internalize it, and suddenly you find that this young boy really becomes into
a young adult, and he has a lot of tantrums, you know, a pent up emotions, because the emotions are
suppressed, you're not able to release those emotions, is not able to share his feelings with people
around him. And you know, I think you know, more than anything else, not what worries you mowlana I
think when you tell him individual,
		

			you know, how sure are you that you're going to
		

			outlive the day that you'll be alive tomorrow. And many of them say, you know, it didn't happen in
		

			Ghibli. But I think you know, in our arrogance to believe that you will be here tomorrow. And often
what happens when you see something every day, you can take them for granted, you can take your
phone for granted.
		

			And sometimes you leave home in a very angry fashion, and the wife You left behind is very
distraught. And next, you get a call a few hours later to say that your wife is very sick or has
passed away, or that could happen to the husband. So we need to change our relationships, we must
realize that we need to negotiate understand the temperament of the other, that our children are not
to be used as pawns.
		

			Yes, it was a that was one issue. The other is inshallah, as part of our program, we usually get an
update from you of the cases that you've been dealing with over the past weeks. And I know you've
may have a huge file over these few weeks that haven't spoken to you yet a huge file and talk about
this. I think you know, for me, you know, I really admire admire those husbands, who, when they do
leave home, when they go overseas on local trips, being informed the wives or the web, we are going
to be keeping contact with them. Because, you know, understandably, they are very concerned about
your safety, especially at a time that is similar to crime. And I find very, very disconcerting,
		

			like a no, there are so many examples of this, that the man said he shows no respect for his
partner, you know, you're absolutely nothing. And when you come back, you know, there is no kind of,
you know, giving feedback about the trip. And you come back to me, you come back angry. And this is
unacceptable to be an active need to understand that and
		

			often said in the program, I get to come across any me, especially men, partner or husband or a
father, who has no regrets in his life as a pastor before him. And I think we need to do that. I
mean, why is it? The whole world knows everything about you, but your wife knows absolutely nothing
about you. I'm not suggesting she ought to know every little thing about you. But we have some
fundamentals. I mean, imagine the embarrassment of her right. It says the job's done is gone out,
and we'll be coming back. I don't know. Where's he going to? I don't know. And can you imagine that
source of embarrassment number one, and that is unacceptable. So that was one way or the other? A
		

			critical area? I know. And I didn't think I'd be talking about this. That you know, the time will be
some divorces that are taking place and sometimes what happens you know,
		

			The
		

			because of our sense of guilt, what we do, we shower our children with some gifts, we mollycoddle
them, we buy them cars and whatnot, we do depending on your own, you know, financial situation. And
as a result, what you are doing, that you are giving the child a wrong message in what you are
really doing is because of your, you know, guilt is almost emotional blackmail, you're doing that.
And suddenly what happens, this child, it gets out of control it a young adult, you don't do that.
And what happens is this, it undermines the discipline of one or the other. And you find that, you
know, when the son or daughter is at the father's place, and I'm not saying he's always, you know,
		

			responsible for this woman, also guilty of this, and but you come to them, and suddenly the same kid
comes home. And you find that, you know, the mother is a strict disciplinarian, and you find it
difficult to cope with a mistake, but you don't love that he loves the unstable daddy and stay with
daddy. And in fact, and that's wrong. And therefore, I think it's very, very critical that even when
you're separating, you know, you when you're unsure, in the common vision in terms of how you're
near the child, because the child has to do that thing is grossly unfair. When you incubate a
monster and make the monster, let him loose in the home of your ex wife. And that brings us to the
		

			third one, also, very, very critical, is the fact that, you know, we find that especially today, we
are not promoting excellence in our homes, we are not, for example, you can do that with children,
to be the best they can be whatever they do best in their class, and everything else you find.
Therefore, it is not uncommon for many people to say that many of our youth today are irresponsible.
Right. So that's, that's very, very important that we need to develop the class, we need to be the
role models for the children. The other aspect is this. And
		

			one of the points of arrays now is that you know, I mean, people phone and say, you know, my husband
comes from the south, you know, he doesn't talk to nobody, but yet, you know, maybe is going through
a problem, maybe again, to some difficulties. And he doesn't speak about he doesn't expect his wife
and children to know what he's going through. Because revealing his healing. And that is
fundamental, it's critical that he speaks about that today, life can be very stressful, in terms of
economic challenges, sometimes the challenges in the workplace, a whole range of things, and many
people are willing to many personal challenges. And you know what, the best people to help to the
		

			best people to share that challenge with his own family, to tell the universe what happened in the
workplace. And to talk about it that way. When you talk about it, firstly, you feel much better, you
talk about it, you're the family sharing in the anxiety and the gonna help you to cope with it.
Right. And the other aspect that is becoming very, very common, is the whole issue of,
		

			of infidelity, on the part of both men and women known as the growing number of sisters in
unfaithful, very
		

			shocking, also. So I think these are some of the things that taking place. And I think, you know, if
you look at each of the situation, at the airport, level, there's no standard loudness and then
you've forgotten. Also the benefits that can accrue from effective communication and effective
listening.
		

			Interesting display, the condition of what people are going through, and together with it, quite
distressing. In fact, what our, what we want out of our oma what we want out of our community, and
		

			inshallah, as if we can overcome these problems and overcome these challenges, then we can
definitely become better people and we can definitely be role models for the rest of the nation in
sha Allah.
		

			Allah bless you for what you are sharing. Because then I thought of something that is far bigger
than all of this. You know, we are living in South Africa. We are here under the law, you know,
		

			we are able to practice our faith and humbly law, but we are living in very, very challenging times,
politically, socially and economically. And I think what's very important that you know, we must
always
		

			The United as oma that sometimes, you know the competition between one institution and the other.
And it's very important that whilst we may not agree on every aspect, it is impossible to agree on
every aspect in the vast majority of things 95% of things that we agree upon, but I find the
Winstead a reluctance to cooperate, we are so concerned about your own kind of domain system, that
we are so concerned about it, we are so concerned about self preservation, that we either bad mouth,
the other institutions are not prepared to cooperate because you feel the need to cooperate with the
other institution, you will lose a lot of your autonomy. And that's not the way we as Muslims should
		

			behave. And also, you know, we must use the medium, the whatever medium that you got newspaper,
whatever, or the radio station to unite the hearts of people, you know, it we must remember first is
perfect or not knows what's in our heart. And I think it's very important that we see, for example,
people do good, you must applaud them, we must celebrate the ministry Alhamdulillah I like what you
said, you know, we are blessed to look up to you and protect you. And if something is wrong, it
turns out it does not have to become part of the public discourse, you know,
		

			the person needs to be spoken to. And perhaps unwittingly, he might have said or done something,
because none of us is perfect. And really what is very significant for me, in this country at the
moment, you know, we are also in a in a powder keg, you know, can happen without notice and suddenly
immersed in the running Helter Skelter, because what is critical that we are not supposed to be
isolated, is supposed to interact with the poorer society, they need to know about what Islam and
Muslims are all about, not what we're getting from the media because the media itself can be
prejudiced, pernicious, and it can be completely one sided.
		

			In our home, the way we look at the people that work for us, is that so for those people that are
employed, you know, by us, it enables a whole range of things, and we must realize that we are
ambassadors for Islam. And no doubt a lot of good work is being done by Muslims. Muslims have
contributed significantly to this country. But there are many things that are also untoward, we need
to deal with it, and be like Namaste us to now mercy on government.
		

			It has been quite what intrigues me is.
		

			Very interestingly,
		

			the the educational system, you know, you're speaking about cooperation between institutions and
organizations, if we take a lesson from the educational system in South Africa, and if we take a
look at how
		

			the opposite, you know, from the primary from the very little institutions, to the secondary to the
tertiary, they all are sort of interlinked. They are well networked. And they all depend on each
other for accreditation, they depend on each other, for progress. And for verification. And this is
a means of huge success in the educational system, in that a person can just go on to the
marketplace into the corporate marketplace, and advertise himself having a particular degree without
having proper verification from an accredited institution. So, you know, in a similar sort of
networking method, if our Muslim institutions can employ similar sort of coherence networking,
		

			in the dependability, it can be greatly progressive for our Muslim institutions. Absolutely. I mean,
that is
		

			very, very quickly. And I think you know, what I mean, you know, is it something is going to be of
benefit to your institution? Why should you hold back the information? And why did you say you want
to meet the Minister of Education regarding accreditation? Why shouldn't one institution see them
separately in the cloak of darkness, somewhere private, is a part of a public knowledge. Why can you
say, you know what, this is gonna benefit us. Let us get all the, for example, all of our rooms
together, let's work together for this common good. And this is everything that we need to do. And
you find even when it comes to Muslim school phenomena, when they become a medallist what they will
		

			do, we need to work together. It's about together.
		

			We are part of a oma, it's not about me myself, I there's no place for that, you know, in terms of,
		

			you know, discussion, in terms of the dialogue that we have as Muslims, there's no place for that.
And I think, you know, we need to do that we need to think outside the box need to go outside of a
skin and say, you know, what? The sivagami you know, it's not like this, you know, if you come out
unscathed from the situation, and yet, you know, the rest medicine, you're staying in an apartment,
and you're, and you anticipate there's gonna be a problem. And you leave, and the apartment goes up
in flames, inverted commas, and using that as an extreme example, I mean, how can you celebrate the
fact that if you're not on the same time show no compassion for other people around them? Why didn't
		

			you also warn others about your situation? I think that that is so critical. And I think, you know,
this is not to diminish anyone. You know, we're not saying that we are Paragons of virtue or
energetic. And I think that we need to stop speaking to each other. We need to have a discussion. We
need to be more open minded. We need to be more sharing and caring. And what you said is so critical
that we need to have a dynamic and networking that takes place and when they someone with some skill
in some particular area. And he could be it could it could be accessed and it could be assistance to
everyone. It is by sugar into Zealand for your time this morning. And it's been interesting. Good
		

			reunion, and
		

			very good. And don't ever do this again.
		

			Going to lambs to shoo shoo. Probably that was sent out to lucky