Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 05.09.2013
AI: Summary ©
The importance of laughter and laughter in people's relationships is discussed, as it can bring joy and happiness. Laughter is used to encourage optimism and sharing joy. It is also emphasized that laughter and empathy are key to finding advice for parents who want to pursue a new marriage. The importance of rewarding personalities and finding one's own perspective is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. It is by Solomonic hora de la vaca. de la Cruz.
America.
It is definitely the most exciting time of the week in this way we have a chance to talk to you and Allah bless you now you are, you're very generous. You're very daring Allah keep you that way. May you continue Allah has given you a very endearing personality, a generosity of heart. inshallah, we pray that through this interaction, that he follows open hearts and everyone listening with an open mind, inshallah, it will be an opportunity for them to grow, to reflect on their life, and inshallah use an opportunity to connect with people loved ones and dear ones, so that the world can be a far more better precision. They say, laughter, lubricates life, I think through laughter, what happens,
it gives you a perspective on life. And what happens if you look at the opposite of laughter, these, this kind of seriousness, this kind of everything, that you're serious, when you love your baby, your facial muscles, you able to release the hands off, you're able to bring joy to others, because nothing can be more beautiful to a person that you're putting down, someone comes in, it puts life into perspective, and indicates a degree of laughter, happiness, needs a sense of joy, a sense of exuberance, a feeling of happiness, is what brings joy to everyone else around. In fact, you know, if you look at the world itself, like the if you look at the father and the mother, even the father
comes from work, when he's got this angry expression, it really impacts on the culture, the ethos of the home, where they know, for example, the rest of the evening could be unhappy. But daddy looks very, very upset. But when it comes to the smile, they know is the beginning of really a good evening, every day as laughter it brings people together. And you find that in homes with these harmony. I'm not saying that you go overboard and become flippant, but it's part of who we are to understand that we all go to leave this world. But it's also we need to also understand that whilst we are here, in whatever form we need to bring joy and this notion yet some people are really dense
shrubs, you know, what they do? They say there is no place for laughter, like in a senior's business, yes, it is tedious business. He does not mean people who love or bring joy to other people do not understand the seriousness of it, I tell people is far easier to be angry, then it is to make people laugh, to make people happy to sit back and relax, look at life in its truest.
And it's so much of the joy that it brings to people the most beautiful thing it means by and why they miss a lot about being at ladies club and no one is listening, is it when you just walk into the spam and everybody's busy at work, the only person would turn around and just give you a good solid greeting and a happy face would be modified. And it would just bring joy and other light into your day. And that happens all over. You just meet one person at a smile in the morning. And it makes your whole day. Absolutely smiling and very infectious thing to greet impartiality and openness and
my brother
and you seem to get what you are really saying what
God wants us seeing and doing basically, you are really sharing your unbridled joy. You already affirmed the other person you accepting him, giving you the attention. You're showing appreciation is a very important thing because too many of us walk around the world. As if we are given a mission with no service 57 gives you the attention, the attention, Transforming Your Life. For one not maybe anticipate depression, the wonder of joy is a wonderful thing. You know, I mean, I guess sometimes people say you know, the first time in my last day in my life, I love so much you know, and they become emotional about you because throughout their life, they only eindigen sadness, people around
them or negative people. And when you when you laugh when you smile. You are you know you're looking at life optimistically, you know, and that is very important.
I'm requesting you to give us a happy story or a funny
story that we can get some laughter into our life.
You know,
a friend of mine said this to have to be a tutor inshallah. The one is that what happened was, in the earlier days when the inspectors used to travel from Germany matters, but the moment they came to Britain matters, but the guys who did embarrassments of former colleagues, nothing more either by ask God maybe than the new eco system, guys, watch out, the guys are on the power.
They know that expect someone so this one particular teacher, he got the news from his friend, that tomorrow they'll be coming to school and it was his time for his work to be evaluated. So you're very excited about it. So he began to teach his pupils. We are teaching them how and he was singing to them. And the nd nd and everything. He asked him, What do you do? First thing in the morning first thing in the morning, the boys were saying we brush our teeth. I mean the pupils. We interact with the proximity event on three lever, so lessons.
So unbeknown to him, the day the next day the inspector came, there's one boy was not there on the day of the warrior lesson.
He asked the kids now what do you do first thing in the morning?
What do you do? You got toilets?
Don't you brush your teeth? He says no, no, my mother told me you
one example.
And the other one was, you know,
in the United States, you know,
the United States, the teacher inspector heard that these one very, very dynamic, mean foundation pay feature, you know, grade, one teacher, and he went there to the scope. And so the principal said to me said you mister so and so, man, you're going to have such a great time today. Bob is my best teacher. You're going to be inspired by him. Anyway, he went to boss class. Listen to the lesson. vinyasa gj second, do you mind? If I were to ask? The one of the pupils a Christian?
He said, Not a problem. You can ask him any question you want. So you asked a little boy, the boy
who broke the walls of Jericho. Boys said Sir, I didn't do it. I promise you I did not do it. So the next month over. So this teacher was very interested to find out how to do it. She said to me know what they are now. But my last lesson went very well. Until I asked the boy who broke the walls of Jericho. He said I didn't do it. He said man, he would respect you, sir. I know my pupils. I know the family. I know them. So well. Bob said that boys said he did not do it. He did not do it. So now he went to the sector. Now. You know, you mentioned the headmaster, they mocked him. He said I'm sure you enjoyed the lesson of baldness and man I'm so flabbergasted when I went to the class and he
recounted the whole story. So principal said to him, my teacher Bob, he knows all his pupils. Well, he says he did not do it. He did not do it. Anyway, now he's very frustrated. He goes now to superintendents.
tendon awesome. How was your day? Man? I'm so frustrated today. I went to the school there. And this is what happens so that the superintendent said to him, You know what? I'll give you some money. You put that wall right? You don't cause any kind of problems.
level of education. The level of education Yeah. So these are these are things you hear for me the other day how to Allah knows, when the child we are not so converted with Afrikaans right? And so this point, Pietermaritzburg, a directive growth story, did you know the first sentence in Afrikaans? Then he said, the ghost commanded me to write in English
in English, but the teacher was very clever. He said, Well, the ghost commanded me to give you not
there are many such stories, you know, and he was a teacher and he said to the pupils, I have five apples in one day.
On pineapples in the other hand, what do I have one boy sitting students? He got very big ends in a
day did I just read the other day somebody sent me an email. And
the teacher is pointing the game at a young child, and let
you know what is a very, very immediate at one end of the scheme.
A lot of trouble because you said which end?
which end? Yeah, you know, the baby the whole thing and, and I'm so glad monana you know that you're speaking about this, because of our homes, they need some lightheartedness. They need some laughter, they need some joy, some smiles, what is missing the pleasant moments, our homes, we need that umbrella, I find that, you know, they are increasingly lots of homes that are trying to do the right things. Children can come there with this laughter. And you find these normal, the kind of discrepancy, you know, the man, the loving man that he is outside the home is even more loving at home, you know, and these are very simple things, this requires an attitudinal change, you know,
we just have to change the way we think of the things that make us happy about others. Rather than focusing and looking at those things that we can take out a fault in, or things that we can really criticize things that are upset, that upset us about others, around us look at those things that make us happy about the people that we're dealing with. And it will, it will change our lives around so much better than to make our work so much easier, and so much more pleasant.
Absolutely. Because, you know, you, you're so right. Today, we are so judgmental. We don't listen with our hearts will be based on empathy. And we do not, you know, we don't hear how wonderful is going to be when you say I want to deal
with wherever I need, I'm gonna make them happy, to a smile, to something funny, to listen with empathy, and I'm gonna do every day, inshallah, whoever comes to me, no matter what the painter, painting is
a kind of retrospective, you know, what I'm saying. And the and this is so important in terms of relationships, and relationships, building, because we avoid people that are angry, temperamental, who do not bring joy, everything they the negativity, and the only see the worst case scenario, who say, you know what, I know, it's gonna be a bad day today, or not fine. You know, the negativity is something that can really erode a person's happiness.
Whether you have been in the education field for many, many years, and I'm sure over the over the time, you've picked up many funny funny incidents, excuses and things that have happened in school. Maybe you could share some some of that with us as well.
You know, the,
what, what you're saying is so true, you know, and like, you find that this is a funny one, right? The funny one was, in the sense that this one student, you know, was kidnapped in a nightclub
in a normally get all these mess examples wrong, you know? So this particular day, he got all the answers, right. So I'm surprised that even all the match from the right, yeah, got it right, because my father wasn't there.
So normally, everything wrong. And you find that, you know, the kids, very busy, a creative would make excuses for not doing homework and everything else. And there was someone, you know, he had the habit, and he was my classmates. Whenever the teacher is asked if any homework, he said, No, I could not do it. Because my uncle passed away. mom passed away. My grandfather passed away, you know.
So one day, he just said to my alarm shop, you have
no more living relatives, you know,
this is what some people used to do. And at the school, you know, fortunately for me,
you know, the people used to do the homework and he would be able to go through it. But they can be very, very creative in terms of what they don't do. But at the same token, I remember
certain classmates, one of the biggest mistakes they made when
The rich school was decided to experiment, they decided to keep
one class that just deleted the put all the boys in the class and majors co Ed at the time that many boys were far better behaved, because they want to be a lot of respect for the girls or whatever. They felt somewhat intimidated. But this time they put all the boys in the class together.
And we had some crazy chestnut class, you know,
you know, like I, myself, I was a Nazi, but I don't think I was disobedient teacher concern. And yeah, I remember the one person who was a very strong person, you know. And they had this teacher, she was not very tall at all. So whenever a Christian needs to stand up, and he was sort of, you know, looking
to teacher, and then you should get people making funny kind of sounds in the back and all of that then the what used to happen in the class was the teachers often used to get intimidated and what not, but they want to make a difference what he did. Even known to be a naughty class. But when he came, his name was Mr. USAC. What he did was, he came to class to serve relief to us. Good morning, gentlemen.
Gentlemen, and you're trying to be a black gentleman, you know. And
from that, you know, I think once you give positive attributes to your children, they respond accordingly. It's just how you speak to them. And the way you address them the way you speak to them, you know, your child, your son walks into the room when you wake up in the morning, see them for the first time and if you still gonna start off the day with a tea boy, did you go to the toilet? Did you do this? do you do that? It's just the start of the day in a bad way. But if you started off as salaam alaikum how you did you sleep well. It just changes the whole thing all around.
So like respect begets respect, the moment you start up on the wrong tone, restart the engine again, you know the I think a critical aspects especially with the familial relationship that he supports me make the connection. Once you're connected, then you can talk about the issues. But once your toll is offensive, and the things you talk about jogging and snarling, and what happens you're really upset people around you because you'd be surprised. That is basically what the mothers and the fathers eat for example, they are belligerent to angry whatever they really impact on the culture and the atmosphere
is gone half past 11 years into the slam international speaking about things that make you happy things that changing your life around it is a you know part of the modernity and part of the new life that we have we
are planning everything on our blackberries you know everything is happening and it's centered around our blackberries as friends is no what I was cycling buddies organizing everything on our blackberries, weddings, organized on our blackberries and everything basically is getting organized without blackberries Now, I would like the older generation, all them animals into the back of the beds they could do give us the insight into what they think about or what advice they would give to couples that are that want to get married in today's time and what what basic things would you tell them
to keep their lives happy inshallah.
Welcome back to Islam International. It is by we have
a very interesting SMS that has arrived and I'll just read it out to you.
It's about the topic that he's speaking about him. On the other side of it, Allah subhanaw taala be for this person. The SMS is says I have nothing to be happy with at the moment because my family's falling apart. I have a 16 year old son that is tearing us apart. Erica
disrespectful, causing problems at school, screaming at me not interested at school wants to leave, and so much more, please have
the you know what we are not denying in the discussion.
There are some homes that a lot of pain
in a crisis the home is of the century, when sometimes our beloved children who
devote our life we pray for them, can suddenly become our adversaries. And they can make life increasingly difficult, they can be abusive. But the whole thing in life is I'm always been solution driven, I don't believe anyone is incorrigible. We all make mistakes. And sometimes the 16 year old son, that she speaks about the reps in his own ways, crying out for help. But there are some issues that he's find difficult to deal with. Because age of 16 is a very, very difficult age, the time your homeowners are going all over the place. And when friends become more important when they compare their own parents to other people's parents, and they do not know the sacrifice that parents
make. So one of the things that I would recommend very strongly is perhaps, is to sit him down into reengagement to find out from him, what is the what are the issues, and instead of being defensive, listen to him first, because, as I called, you say, revealing his healing, the second thing that I would encourage is asking him, what would he do differently? If he's the father or the mother? You know, what would you do differently. And in the end, there has to be some kind of compromise. And my own recommendation is that when two people if fees can be defined, and we get upset, and angry dogs are going to have the situation, we need to look at a win win situation. And he must feel that love,
we must connect and hug him. And then what we also need to do is sometimes on the mistakes you make when they're growing up, we do not give out your positive attributes, we need to give them positive attributes, we need to give them as self belief. Now, the other quote, The Big consolation is this. That this is often a phase that many goes through a phase when he's his friends are more important, the mother and father and embarrassment to him. When he's more and more focus, often they come around. So we need to
just pray that did not get into despicable habits, you know, of drugs and a whole range of things, * addiction, alcoholism, and all of those things. So I would really encourage the mother and the father, I just hope that the marriage is intact, it's a harmonious marriage, but when you go home with his anger, often respond with anger, when this pleasantness and the tension also be a pleasant. So I think we need to identify what is a motivating factor? Who is friends, what is it that is making do what is doing?
As you say, sometimes, you know, what I've learned about the upbringing of children is that we tried different measures in enforcing certain stigmas in certain things.
But we continuously feed our children, what whatever they want to eat, we give them spending freely and free time, etc. There is an interesting book that is it by a person called Dr. Kevin Lehman, right, but if you can get a new kid by Friday, so basically saying, a seven day plan of collecting your child's behavior, and one of the or the basis of his whole program is that you need to sometimes deprive your child of the luxuries that they get in life, so that you can get good behavior out of them, but you have to be very strong, staunch and strict in depriving them and depriving them of that. Like for example, if the child is used to the regular spending money used to
the free time used to the fancy clothes and things like that, if they don't want to Tow the line according to your rules, you have to tell them not even shout or be aggressive. Just tell them simply that I'm sorry but your allowance is going to be cut off and ignore everything that comes after it. Whether it is reading, whether it is begging, whether it is crying, everything like that. And if he says that it works and I have sample it I have this without and it does.
Have a good effect. In fact, this is something that I always encourage people to do. I tell parents that they must learn to say no, they cannot keep on saying yes. You know, you know, as it is said that in giving our children what we did not have we forgotten to give them what we had, the big mistake we make is sometimes when you feel that you grew up in a home that we might have been the might not have enjoyed or the luxury is now in a good situation. But by giving it to them, you're really incubating a monster, inverted commas, because they you're creating a very false notion of life. And life is going to be a challenge, you know, he has a defeat and his victories. When you
create a culture of entitlement, the moment I speak, my dad in response, that you're creating really a jaundiced view of the world. And the NDP requires tremendous resilience and courage to say no to a child, because the reaction afterwards might be anger and everything else. But as long as you're consistent, when you do that, and you have support of the mother, and the father, together, and but critically, the child must know that whatever is being done, is done after love. For him, the benefits for him. Now, if you purely want to, you know, stifle the cries of a child, by giving in to him, what you're really doing is really destroying him. And creating a really an erroneous picture
of what the world is all about. And what the author says something that I subscribe to, I believe in it, that you got to have certain value systems, and you got to subscribe to the value system, because in life, like anywhere else,
they have consequences for negative behavior, and also positive consequence for good behavior. Good Behavior does take place, we need to, you know, maybe judiciously reward them, we need to acknowledge them, and show them appreciation and Islam. As we know, we are judged by the effort and not the outcome. So when our kids are really trying hard is trying to succeed at that time, we need to really applaud them and acknowledge that
it is, but you know, one program in Johannesburg, and one of the comments that came out of the program was that I never laughed so hard in my life. And I think that was written by malema, the famous Manama
forum on Facebook in the website like that. So I never laughed so hard in my life it is by I think you have that good gift. May Allah reward you know, I mean, allies, so merciful ally, so merciful. I mean, you know, I not the you know, I don't want people to believe I'm a paragon of virtue. I'm Mr. Perfect, I have lots of shortcomings, but aligned His mercy has given me the opportunity of interacting with people and bringing joy to people. I, for me, I hold this very, very clearly to me, that whoever I interact with must bring joy to them. When I feed people, like when I'm doing a workshop, when it's we are becoming very, very serious, then I, you know, I interlock my comments
with some funny stories about myself, whatever, and people laugh. And what happens sometimes couples have come for the program, they may not have laughed like this before. And they've an opportunity every day, and perhaps the 16 year old that you rebelling, maybe doesn't see locked in his home, in the home is not a sanctuary is a place of grief and pain of argumentation. And once the ease that happiness, the joy, and we are all attracted to joy, we're not attracted to a place of anger, a place we know where people constantly argue with each other and for that, you know, we thank Allah, you know, for personalities, and we all have the ability to have a perspective on life. And you find
that, in fact, I found that the some of the most philosophical and serious persons are those that make other people laugh, they because they understand life, they understand the meaning of life. They understand that you cannot always become so serious and introspective and reflective, that you find. You don't have your moments of joy and I think Islam is replete with Nabi sallallahu, wasallam in his own way, creating, you know, he smiled broadly rather than laugh loud, and the jokes used to play with a dolly and others around them. And so these are things that are not in no
way or detract from what it is to be a Muslim. Because I mean, when you want to leave a legacy behind, you know, one of the most beautiful things in Sharla is it is through him. I learned to see life in perspective. I came closer to Allah and His beloved so I understood the meaning of life because the home many people say that my father outside has
The genius, convivial personality being enjoyed by Tom is not like that. And similarly with the mother, so I think, you know, it's, it's all from online, we thank Allah for the name it is given us. I mean, I mean, received an SMS message nice, amazing. It's not so easy. But the I came together with it putting a nice story, the couples conference, the speaker mentioned that couples are so disconnected, that 85% of husbands don't know the wives favorite flower. So the course turned to his wife. And he whispered to her, the self raising.
Someone told me this, I'm not sure who it was,
you know, someone said, you know, he went, maybe he went for a talk. They said, you know, have you ever please your wife for cooking? And he said, No, man, I've never done that. So today, he decided to do that. He told his wife, you know, you must set whatever name is set to a dolly, you know, I really, really enjoyed your food today. She got so upset to them today, because they're our neighbor, Auntie Fatima center.
You know, things happen, you know, whichever husband easiest, he doesn't say goodies in problem. And he says good. Also
something special about laughing together. You know, you laugh alone, you look at a cell phone, somebody sends you a joke, you laugh alone, it lasts for a little while. Or you look at the computer screen and the email and you look at a joke and laugh and finish it's done. But it seems to be some special effect of laughing all together? And do you just touched on it, that couples haven't loved together? So much in this way it affects them and those motivational programs has such a good effect on them. Yeah, absolutely. See, the whole thing is this. I mean, now you don't have to be a person that is subtle with a joke. But even when you tickle each other and yoga for your laugh and
everything else, what he does, it brings about closeness, he just wants us shows you that there are no barriers between the two of you that you could, you know, and many people, you know, sometimes they want to maintain the dignity and everything else. And they are, you know, standoffish and you know, like a bourgeois and the the find it difficult for them to laugh at others. But they do laugh with, you know, like I I was telling someone this weekend in Trachtenberg when you read a program there on family relationships. I say to them, you know what, I have no issue if a person laughs at me, or with the laughs with me. Because even if he laughed at me, he that gives him joy. I'm very
happy. I'm very, very happy. You know. So it's about those things. It's about us having a perspective, like in any day's work that you do, you come home tired. And when you come home tired, you want plenty. pleasantness you don't want to listen to a barrage of complaints, and all of that. And, in fact, those who have the ability to make others laugh, they connect with people very, very quickly, you might meet a person the first time to do some kind of subtlety. And with you know, you one example that many years ago
at that time, we had to pay a fine ways to go our traffic fine. We had to go to old Ford road, and they your you go to one counter, and they'll give you a receipt and you go to the cashier to pay see. And I remember, you know, I went to this counter with three ladies there. So I went to one lady, and I told her you know, ma'am, EMI
the goods citizen I want to pay my fine. And yesterday, I read in the daily news that 50 million Rand is being owed on fines. So she told me in a very stern way. Oh, do you believe everything you read, you know? So I kept quiet anyway. So what happened then? Then when I went to the other counter, right? She then came to the second counter to relieve the cure of that counter. So I decided to go back to her. And I said to her you know today I learned something from you. So what did you learn? I said you must not believe everything that you read. You know, I'm so glad for that. And I said you know why I'm telling you this because according to your counter the sign is you are
closed but you are really open.
Closed.
So he wasn't amused by but you started laughing.
Writing you have a good display. Maybe we can just finished with finish with one. One final little funny story from you.
You know, the, this story you know, I often say that sometimes you know, Professor not all professors, you know, they live in their own ivory towers of learning, you know, and they can be very, very pompous and all that and be not all of them. So anyway, this professor came to this village and he wanted to get across the river and see so a young boy said to young boy chummy young boy, can you take me across the river, the boy said, not a problem, take you away when you want to go. So then he asked him, he said, Boy, tell me do you know philosophy? The voices are I don't know that I don't know. The professor said to him, Well, you lost one third of your life further down the
river and he said to him, boy, do you know literature is not at all so I don't know literature. Well, you lost two thirds of your life in the excitement the boat topper. The professor was drowning the boy asked the professor Can you assume he said no. Then you lost your whole life in a
professor but he was one of the young boy was serving a greater purpose many people I'm sure that the boy saved the professor
for your time, and we will speak inshallah Allah bless you and inshallah, we will connect with you next week, any less knowledge