Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 05.02.2015

			Hello, Mr. eaglemoss metal law here.
		

			And welcome to machinic on radio Islam and a very warm welcome to all of our guests this morning in
Sharma has email program. This morning we'll be speaking to Pilates Cammisa these bicycles join us
after a few minutes in German Aziz. But
		

			we will start off with the introduction to our program, we are looking at many different social
circumstances that we are facing as Muslims in South Africa.
		

			We have different areas that we live in cities that we live in towns, and based on that we have
different types of
		

			activities that we participate in different influences from whether it comes from from a work,
whether it comes from the social circles that we engage in, whether it comes from the wealth
sleepers that we
		

			enjoy, whether it comes from the environment in the communities that we live in. And so South
Africa, we can see the diverse country, as far as Muslims are concerned as well. And also one of the
things that affects Muslims in South Africa is that
		

			visit can't be one particular message that will
		

			ease
		

			relevant to every single Muslim in South Africa, when it comes to come to faith when it comes to
issues that are affecting Muslims in South Africa, obviously, the common message of Islam of a man
of European of Sunnah of the father of five of Islam, the Pillars of Islam, with the rulings of
Sharia law, that is a common message for the entire Muslim community in whichever our whatever our
circumstance, whatever background environment that we are in, and society that we live in, in that
is a common message. And that is something that we all have to adhere to, and we all have to
maintain. But on the other hand, when it comes to issues that are affecting Muslims, in general, as
		

			far as social norms goes, there are different issues that affect people coming from different
communities and different societies. For example, take that Muslims who are who are facing perhaps,
		

			you know, moderate budget, income, living in budget homes in budget areas, and who do not have a
lavish lifestyle, even average income. And those Muslims would be facing different social
challenges. And we find that in South Africa and then all around the world, those type of areas
		

			are more prone perhaps to crime. There's there's more drugs being pushed out in the open in those
homes, I'm not making a generalization. But in those homes, you mean in those communities and those
areas, then you find gangsterism being lived,
		

			you find these are the challenges that people face in those particular areas. And then, on the other
hand, on the other on the upper end of the scale, you have the Muslims in more affluent areas where
perhaps the issues of drugs, the issues of
		

			climate cetera, affect them, but in a different manner, as to those who are in the poorer areas. And
so the challenges that they face, and the message or the guidance that they have to receive, in
light of this is, is different than when we look at the life of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, and
Musa de la vida cillum addressed each type of person according to the own circumstance. And the
result amongst the news section was an even NASA but romanized English speak to people according to
the status, and you speak to people according to what affects them. And this was part of leadership
of Rasulullah Salallahu alaihe salam, Al Islam would would visit different areas, visit different
		

			people and speak to different people according to the the challenges that those people were facing,
but the overall message of Asilomar civil law and Islam, no matter who he spoke to the overall
method, methodology of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam was
		

			that the use of the lump sum showed compassion to each person understanding of the circumstances
that he
		

			person lived in, and a pseudo Muslim Muslim would give advice suitable for that particular person
and on how to overcome the challenges that they face. And coming back to our context in South
Africa,
		

			of the people who live in different areas, the people who live in, in
		

			the movie in small towns, for example, face much less challenges compared to people who live in
cities in cities, we have the one challenge of time, which is a huge challenge as far as traffic
goes, as far as time goes. And also expenses are much higher in the cities. And in even the culture
is more diverse in the city. So the influences are much more diverse, because the influences are
much more diverse. There isn't that sense of
		

			you know, Masjid or Eman that the people subscribe to? The result of that is you find it manifests
in the behavior of children. We children are influenced from many different people. And so when it
comes to the madrasa, for example, they would be in that lack of discipline, compared to the small
town we were chosen that are taking the director from one Imam, someone mercy, someone madrasa. And
so the
		

			most subscribed to that, to that level of discipline. So that level of respect. And so
Alhamdulillah, the task of teaching is much easier in the country towns compared to the cities. And
then getting the message across also is much easier here, local towns as well
		

			as cities, it's
		

			so diverse and vast people could easily say that I'm not comfortable with what to see mommy's
preaching and I'm going to choose somebody else who is more suited to my,
		

			to my palate, in terms of what, what I want to listen to. And so that the difference in the
community, society, culture that all plays a role in the type of advices that people need to take
and the type of action that they need to take in their lives as well. Well, we are joined on the
line by our guest this morning for the views camisa we welcome him as salaam alaikum wa rahmatullah
wa barakato. One a coup salam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. How are you my beloved beloved molana
very, very well handled electrical it is by how are you keeping and handling night, the beautiful
days sight breeze, and in a kind of a budget, I thought it was going to rain just as well. At first,
		

			it's going to rain. I felt lazy to walk at the seashore this morning. I went back to bed like a
naughty boy. And
		

			I intend to redeem myself maybe and take a walk in the afternoon. How are you Milena very, very
well.
		

			How are you keeping? Now I'm very busy, but Well, I'm
		

			just mentioning to the listeners about the diverse societies that we come from in South Africa and
people living in different environments, different communities. And so the type of advices while
while the the mainstream Sunnah
		

			that is common to all Muslims but in particular challenges that different Muslims face in their own
communities. You are living in Durban you have the ocean they were living in a city so you have your
different challenges the
		

			different challenges a person living in for example, in in Soweto will have very different
challenges.
		

			Yes, yes. So through and I think the lessons to be learned from that, that we must not be
judgmental. You know, many individuals. They sit like an ivory tower, theorize about other people
have no idea about the challenges they go through. We'll go there and sometimes we talk down upon
them with seminars and we pontificate but once you get to know them, you can you understand that
they've got real challenges and you would not have been any differently. You know, I recall the
other day I was chatting and these are friends of mine, Allah bless them. We are talking about
issues. I mean, none of them ever asked me these. How do you go about doing certain things? And they
		

			were started lecturing when I said to them, Brother, what do you think?
		

			Speaking what I do, you know, and I think the same important thing before you, counsel anyone, you
need to ask the person, what are your issues, you know, what are the challenges and for how long
this has been going on, in that way, what he does, that he doesn't create alienation, he creates
empathy. And people who know that you are sincere, you I hear your concern about them, like any
doctor attending to a particular patient, if he has made up his mind before he gets the patient to
talk. So he's got this at the other end without ascertaining it from the patient. I think that
smacks of a lot of insensitivity. So I think we as Muslims,
		

			we need to be non judgmental, we need to find out the situation. And because we no place in Islam,
we are asked to be judgmental, no place in Islam, we suppose to be condescending. And you're right,
not only from different areas you indicated even in Amarillo, and and you can even see it amongst
different brothers, you know, the way they bring up the kids, we have no idea what challenges they
have with them, to what extent their wives are supporting them, to what extent they've got a
commonality of vision, and I think, you know, an umbrella, it's such a excellent idea, a point of
for discussion, we need to understand that we need to understand that as human beings, you know, do
		

			not make superficial judgments, because your judgments might be erroneous. And that's why they say
the only time people do some exercise in the jump into conclusions
		

			is it happens. So,
		

			it is by when when we are advising people and then this would particularly the supervisor
particularly go for an AMA for those on the lady who have such a diverse audience who are listening.
And while some advice would say, you know, some
		

			phrase that is common with, with lecturers, etc. Unfortunately, Today, many people are involved in
this and that and whatever.
		

			But would it be more necessary for us to have a bigger picture of what what people are going through
around the community, you know, sometimes who will speak about the problems or the issues facing
affluent people, while while the poor have not even fathom? Ever not even imagined, wasting money
like that? You know, that's true. I think, you know, what happens, and sometimes then, many of us
are often guilty about it, is that it's so important to have an in depth understanding of the
audiences, the people that you're talking to, and talking about. And in that way, what happens, that
people are more receptive to you, and how often I know, people say, you know what, the day you gave
		

			a talk, it was as if you're speaking to me directly, it was as if you knew about my issue. And your
response was very pragmatic. And that's important, because what happens in life, and I've seen it
even in my counseling, there's never a black and white issue that she is completely black is
completely white, she's completely right is completely wrong. They also because this nuances, this
shackles, subtle shades of differences. I found that and it is so important. It's so important that
in engaging people talking to people, you need to talk to them before you can talk about them to
them. And it's an exercise that we need to do. Because the point that you also alluded to at the
		

			beginning, is the diversity. Nothing is very critical. You know, the last blessing I you know, I've
traveled to 60 countries, I've met scholars from diverse backgrounds, and, and it's important for
us, as much as we look up to a particular scholar in our own community with respect and loving May
Allah bless him, may always continue to guide us with sincerity and with the heart, but no one has
the monopoly of knowledge. So we must also be able to be receptive to other ideas as long as it is
in keeping with the Sharia, as long as it is in keeping with the Quranic injunctions and it has
manifested in the lifestyle of Nevis and and now he was seldom because what I find sometimes that
		

			the followers of scholars some of them are more inverted commas I use the word advisedly, are more
fanatical than the Olam and they get into fights and because they disagreed with one aspect of that
person and they
		

			condemned to *. And you and I know that no one knows except Allah who we really are. We may put
on a public persona, we may put on ideas, that we are interested in knowledge that we are the
paragon of virtue, and Allah knows what we do in secret. So I think that's very important. Because
today, I mean, if you look at even Facebook, when there are issues, I mean, sadly, you know, this is
this, I mean, you know, to me, and I'll say it, you know, and I, and to me, I cannot believe that
this is the work of Muslims, I cannot believe that these are Muslims who are doing it. I mean, one
person in hostage you said that, you know, he managed to escape whatever he says he saw none of them
		

			having a copy of the Quran. And that is a lot that is true. And I think it's very, very important
for us to understand, to understand what is what Islam requires of us, because we must also
understand that no one can do some money, Islam, like burning someone, or destroying children, and
all of that, that's not part of what Islam is all about. So I think it's important for us to have an
in depth understanding, first and knowledge, speak to people that you respect. And then together
with all of that, then you have a much more informed way of talking about issues. And I've learned,
I've learned this, you know, that never, ever be judgmental, sometimes a particular person may be in
		

			the habit of doing something, it does not mean the next time around, it was motivated by the habit,
you could have been done by someone else, you know,
		

			that issue of being judgmental, that is very, very important for us to always remember when we are
speaking to people when we are addressing people, and especially when we are preparing talks as
well.
		

			Not to be judgmental, it's very, very easy to fall into the trap of of charging a person of giving
advice based on what we think that person is involved in. But we need to
		

			this was, this was the practice of law, civil law, civil law medicine, that he wouldn't give advice
		

			based on Judgment, but rather sort of massive amounts. And I would be very tactful, and give broad
in general advice so that people could take heed, at the moment, what you are saying is so true.
Because one of the things that you know, all people that speak in public, whether it's a frequent
bad talk, or whatever talk they give, I think you remember, in the first few seconds of minutes, you
got to touch a chord with the audience, you got to connect with them. They got to understand that
you know what, I'm speaking to you because I care for you. I love you for the sake of Allah. And the
moment you come, they're on a high tone, they're being judgmental, being content based feature
		

			sizing them, then immediately with alienated those good people and those who perhaps are guilty of
some of the wrongs that you're talking about. So it's pretty easy. The question is about your
credibility, it's about your manner, and therefore the Quran celebrates the methodology and habits
and allowed you to sell them and you are harsh with people he was some vanilla, he was engaging, as
you said, and and whatever you said, came from a deep, deep, deep, deep concern and love for the
person he was addressing. And therefore, you know, when we told our navies and allowed you to send
them came as a mercy on to all mankind. It's such a powerful, evocative statement, what is mercy?
		

			What is mankind? What do we understand by and when a person is merciful? His intention is never to
hurt, never to demean you go through. And I think you know, even though you might have prepared a
particular talk for a Juma is no harm and effect at least five minutes talking about the issues that
are impacting on the community. It has to be relevant, it has to be immediate and important for the
owner also to understand what's happening in this global world to understand these things, so you're
able it resonates to the young it resonates with the old and exactly inshallah giving them practical
wisdom that is so critical, many of you are doing it by adding more can be done in that way.
		

			inshallah inshallah inshallah. inshallah harasses.
		

			It is by as far as these issues goes. Within the Muslim community of South Africa.
		

			You have different parts of the Muslim community. There are Muslims of all different faces,
especially since
		

			the end of about the Muslims from all different parts of the world, as well in South Africa. We like
being to focus on the differences that we have
		

			Everything can be focused on how to integrate ourselves as a community as a society in a way that
Rasulullah sallallahu, Allison did, so successfully, that Sahaba jalon home, lived with such great
love and unity that there was there was almost no incident of racism and difference in that time.
Absolutely. And I think what it does, for example, I think it creates self awareness. I mean, one of
the things you'll find that when we enter the house of Allah, we tend to gravitate and sit amongst
ourselves is almost like a ghetto mentality. And when you beat people with love, and affection, and
we're not selective about you, of course, when you see your friends, you are excited and animated.
		

			But we are, we are taught to split the lamb, not only amongst friends, but also people that you do
not know. And that's one particular area. The second area that I feel that is critical, is to engage
people of diverse backgrounds in the most should be a hub, a place of activity, where they can share
and understand what they need, the ambition, the aspiration and the frustration, then also, I would
recommend, even in our massages in terms of the trusteeship of massage, it must, I believe, reflect
the demo demographic, demographics of our community. The other important thing is that especially
now, you know, with our weddings, also, we got to make sure that our weddings also reflect, you
		

			know, the diverse community. And otherwise, it might appear that a group of people you know, no
matter who you perceive them to be individuals who are self absorbed, the aloof from what is going
on. So there are many, many things that need to be done, in fact, manana, I was thinking seriously,
seriously, of going from town to town inshallah, and to share with people my suggestions as to what
can be done, and should be done, and also to get the youth involved in a meaningful way. So these
things are very, very important. I think, you need to look at yourself, each one of us and ask
yourself that, you know,
		

			what is your attitude towards people of other faiths, whether they are in your other faiths, other
backgrounds, other races? Whether they're, I mean, in terms of race, even within your own Muslim
community? How do they perceive us? How do we engage them enough, and so on and so forth. I think
that's important.
		

			And it is like coming, coming back to the social issues that we are facing in our country.
		

			And around the world, I'm sure people are calling you from all over some of the issues that you've
been dealing with, you know, at the moment, the one is some when people contact me, they adjust my
own reading.
		

			At the moment, for example,
		

			in Muslim school, and faith schools in the UK are under such scrutiny. It's unbelievable,
unbelievable. And now there is a conflict there, because they are saying that the Muslim schools are
not subscribing to British values. Then the other argument is we are Muslims. We also have our
values they are we agree, we subscribe to most of British values, but you cannot force us, you know,
to accept a way of life that isn't typical to Islam. So now they have all the discussion so that
way, that's one area. The other issue is basically is this, I think, if you look at the institution
of marriage is a such a critical institution, where there is little or no respect, I mean, you deal
		

			with cases, for example, where the man says is given a lot, a woman has no ideas given Salah, right,
that other important issues a whole family structure and extended family structure that is also a
great issue. The other issue that people are dealing with, and many of them have a great deal of
concern about it is how to motivate our young people to do what is right because many of them will
not generalize. Many of them are so hedonistic, they want to live for this world, and they have no
the
		

			automatic aspirations or aspirations for their own development. And some of them in the brain
minority show little or no respect for the parent community. Then the other aspect is we look at the
school phenomenon itself. I think many of the schools are losing the plot. And they have become, as
I always say, pockets of academic excellence, but in terms of holistic education is something not
many schools are doing it but May Allah bless people
		

			For the assets, so the issues are multifactorial, it's based also the race issue that you spoke
about. It's about family, it's about marriage, it's about schooling, it's a global issues, and a
whole range of things.
		

			There's many, many things that
		

			are my spacing, particularly let's look at the UK issue of the challenges that they are facing
Muslim schools. Also, I've been reading about this a lot people or the media is putting on trial,
the Muslims for being not British enough. And just another note, once I lit up what was the most
popular British meal, or what was the most common British meal, and you know, there may be what is
synonymous with person is for US Fish and chips. Yeah, that was not the most British meal. So in
actual fact, chicken tikka.
		

			You know, so, so, some people argue, we talk about British,
		

			oh, what do you really mean, we speak what a British identity. And now you find this is the
important thing. You see, we got to understand that slowly, the, you know, Noam Chomsky spoken
manufacturing constant, when the things stated in the media, when people begin to attack Islam and
Muslims, and the greed because they are powerful, nothing we can do. And the moment that plant the
seeds, the seeds of doubt, germinate, and even that person that was unsure, is convinced by the
media they speak about the
		

			written word is oppressive. So I think it's very, very important is in one of the several points in
the end, he said, The point is, as an individual, who are you? Do you see yourself as an investor
for Islam? That's the bottom line. Do you see yourself as an investor for Islam? And if you say,
yes, you do, that's the difference, then you realize that my actions are very critical. I must not
be the cause of a person to have a negative impression about the being of Islam. So we got to be
very, very guarded. So when you bring up our children, we got to make them understand that we are
indeed invested in
		

			that is the thing of being an ambassador of Islam and no matter where you are, what challenges you
are facing to be able to
		

			maintain with Islamic identity and always show the true face and the best face of Islam. Absolutely,
Mona
		

			is able to take a short break now and inshallah we'll be back just after that. For our listeners.
Stay tuned to our mashreq and Lady Islam.
		

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			and Idris lamesa
		

			ladies seminar come back to our guest for the Idris Cammisa these may be quite about 10 minutes
left, perhaps we can engage in a topic concerning marriage,
		

			you know, making our marriages better looking at the different challenges that people are facing in
marriage, and
		

			the different difficulties that people may have may have some advice in that regard. Yeah, I think
you know,
		

			the, for me, one of the most critical thing is about what you say and how you say it, and and to
understand what you are saying, to whom you are saying it,
		

			whenever I meet with couples, they will tell me Yes, you know, I understand my husband, he came from
a very difficult background,
		

			there was a slow no communication, he is not demonstrative about his feelings, I understand that
yet, he says, or he says, I understand that, but yet that becomes a issue, it becomes an issue of
conflict, and when there is a lot of anger regarding that. So, the point that I want to make is
addressed, make five points. The one is that
		

			you got to understand your partner, you got to understand your partner, and one and how do you
understand your partner, we do it through observation, you do it through the person's reaction, you
look at how he deals with his family and others. And then if you know, that your partner is all
about the second thing that is critical, that you show an understanding, and then you do not try to
change that cannot be changed. But you could help and nurture and support the person and and
inshallah many of them would change, but you will not change when you point figures, and you become
confrontational. And you say, you know, darling, I understand the difficulty have gone through. And,
		

			you know, I appreciate it, I understand you, you know, and then you take small, incremental steps.
		

			The third issue that is important is about how you speak to each other. And that is critical. I
mean, if someone is angry, why should you also be angry? And why should it be a tit for tat, because
that person is some And what happened is compounds the issue when both people talk they need, they
need to have the situation. And that's what the other critical issue is, there's something we've not
spent time talking about, is to discuss in the early stages of your marriage, that is the the
conflict, how should you go about dealing with it because one of the things that I find is that the
whole world seems to know what they want in the privacy of someone's home, either betrayed by both
		

			spouses or one and when this happens, he does not help. Right. And the last issue, this is a very
important
		

			issue is that they must learn to forgive each other, and not only forgive each other, they got to
make sure that they respect the in laws of the parents play a meaningful role. And I don't want any
father or any mother because my daughter told me something, therefore, she is right. He's giving you
an interpretation of what has happened to not be dismissive about your son in law, find out from him
also, what is the issue, and then you realize, much of it is to miscommunication, much of it is to
misinterpretation, much of it is because you are harboring some negativity, and much of it is
because you are steeped in the past. So, I think, you know, if we learned to do this and learn the
		

			idea, to nurture, to love, and to connect each other to align his beloved restaurants and allow
yourself and to understand fully and effectively, that we are here for a period, this you know,
modern numbers tell you, they many people you know, who go through life, they want to envy other
people and you must make dua May Allah grant people wealth in everything as long as the wealth does
not take them away from Allah, you know, if someone said you know, we always you know, as in demand,
this motivational speaker was this country and he said, that we you know, we are born like a zero,
but, you know, keep on adding zeros to our life, you know, what we what happened, we leave all the
		

			zeros behind, but what is it that you are taking, you know, that you given before you leave, and
that is so significant, so significant, and I think inshallah, it's about basic things. It's about
common sense understanding, with these reciprocal understanding and empathy, that inshallah and I
say to people never give up on each other never, ever give up on each other. When there's anger and
vulgarity. Not only do you suffer, but your kids suffer. The last thing you want people to have any
regrets in.
		

			It is like when I said infinite Excellent, excellent advice inshallah. We will speak to you next
week. In sha Allah, Allah bless you look up to you and look after your Shabaab lien and
		

			Kumara.
		

			Swamy suffer speaking twice to the operator.
		

			to fame and fortune, he sat on the
		

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