ICNA-MAS Convention
Dunia Shuaib – The Psychological Effects of Doing Good and Forbidding Evil
AI: Summary ©
The negative impact of loneliness on women is discussed, including physical health, mental well-being, and connection with Allah. The use of sallama for loneliness and the importance of shaking hands and finding one's own happiness through spiritual work. Learning to leave one's thoughts behind and finding one's own happiness through spiritual work is also emphasized. The importance of balancing physical and emotional pleasures and finding a volunteer or volunteer organization to help people is emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
As
Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah sallAllahu alayhi wa sallam Rob Bishop nice Saturday, you're certainly Emery. That's me Lisa Nicole Cody. I mean, you're blimey and
I feel so honored to be with you all today. And I know mashallah there's so many programs going on. And mashallah, it's early because last night the program's ended pretty late. And I just wanted to take this moment to thank you for being here. And today, I want to to briefly address something that many of you might be feeling at this current moment.
Our time has actually been labeled as the age to secular height in the age of loneliness.
It's estimated that one out of every five women in the United States are clinically lonely, persistently lonely.
And that's very sad because we live in a time unlike our ancestors before us, and those who came from before us, where we can pull out our smartphones, and can face time video call someone who's on the other side of the planet. And we can hear and see them live. And we have all of the social media applications and means of connecting, but many of us feel disconnected.
And so
it's very alarming. Why is it very alarming? And why is it something that we have to discuss? We have to discuss it, because a lot of the new research is telling us that social isolation, that feeling of loneliness
is detrimental to our physical health.
It's also detrimental to our emotional and mental well being
and can affect our spiritual health and our connection with Allah subhanho wa taala.
And so
as Muslims as an OMA,
are we supposed to feel lonely? Is this something that's supposed to be going on in our communities? Should any one of our sisters ever feel lonely?
Know why? Because Allah subhanho Its Allah and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us the complete opposite.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, for example.
When he would go to the masjid, and someone was missing, he would ask about them. And we all know the famous incident when he came to the masjid Salallahu Salam one day, and the woman who used to clean the masjid wasn't there. And so he didn't see her. What did he do? Did he just go? Oh, well, she's not here today. Maybe we'll see her tomorrow? No, he asked about her. And when he asked about her, they informed him that she had passed away, and that they had performed the janazah upon her, and he got angry. Why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you let me know? Because guess what,
even when our soul departs our body at that time, we shouldn't be lonely because we have our Islamic rituals of what? Of janazah where the community comes out and does
and praise for that person.
And so how can we combat loneliness? Because in this room, there's about maybe 150 sisters.
So you know what that means. About 30 of us in this room right now
are experiencing loneliness.
And so how did Allah Subhan Allah to Allah and His Messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, really combat that and really remove that from society and in sha Allah. Today, I'm going to talk to you about a few ways that we can do that. First
is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
He taught us beautiful manners.
Send etiquettes
he taught us to say salaams. But not just to say salaams that greeting to those that we know, he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam specifically said, to say salaam to those, you know, and those who don't?
Isn't that beautiful? One time I was grocery shopping. And as I was grocery shopping,
I was at the checkout line.
And a sister in hijab passed by and I have I don't know that sister. And I said, I said, Mr. Lee comes to her. And she said Wiley Gomez Salaam. And she came over to me, she shook my hand and she gave me a big hug.
The lady who was doing the checkout was like, Oh, is that your friend? And I said to her, No, I've never met her before. And she's like, then
how are you talking to each other? How are you greeting each other? How are you giving each other a big hug? I said, because we're Muslims. And in Islam, we're all sisters. It doesn't matter if I've never met you before. It doesn't matter what color your skin is. It doesn't matter what language you speak.
If you can't say salaam aleikum to me because you speak in another language. The Prophet saw Sam said to do what? To shake hands. The sunnah of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is that when you greet someone is to say salam said to shake their hands shaking hands is universal. You don't even need to be able to speak to do that. And you know, it's so beautiful about shaking hands.
There's a lot of new research that's being done on the power of skin on skin touch.
And did you know that there was a study that was done recently, where they took women who are experiencing postpartum depression. And I think a lot of us in this room know what I'm talking about, you know, after giving birth, and the hormones are all out of whack. And so they did a study where they took a group of women, and they split them into two groups. They all had just given birth. One group, they gave them antidepressant drugs. The other group, they instructed their partner, their husband, to touch them skin on skin contact for five to 10 minutes every day. And guess what they found out,
they found out that the women who were getting that skin on skin contact that touch they got over their postpartum depression quicker than those who took the antidepressant drugs. Subhanallah Look at that.
In this room right now, I want you to turn to the person next to you and shake their hand. And you know what the Prophet SAW Selim said, he said that when you shake someone's hand, do you know what happens? Your sins fall, our sins fall? And then he said, as long as you're holding hands, the sins will keep falling until you move hands, the Sahaba may Allah be pleased with them when they would be walking, and there was a tree? And they would disconnect hands, you know, the Sahaba de la and when they were very, I don't know, did did you read in the Sierra, about how the Prophet system really, when he spoke to his Sahaba, he would touch them.
We have a hadith where as a hobby would say the Prophet SAW Selim put his arm around me, or the prophets assigned put his hand on my shoulder, or the Prophet Hassan held my hand, or the Prophet saw Sam came from behind and put his hand on my eyes. Right? We have other Hadith or Sahaba, say, I was sitting next to the Prophet saw Simon, he scooted over until his thigh touched my thigh, leg touched my leg, right? And so the Prophet saw someone he's telling us that when you shake hands, your sins are falling. He's doing what motivating us to do up to shake hands on touch. Why? Because all of us want our sins to fall.
And so the Prophet SAW sent him he taught us how to break that, that cycle of loneliness, because you greet those you know, and those who don't, you shake hands with all of your sisters, you know, even ask them if they want a hug. And I know that might sound alarming to you. But just last week, I was in the car with one of my very close friends. And she's like, do I really need a hug? Spa, she's not married, and her parents don't hug her. And she's like, I really need a hug. I wish and I was like, I'm so sorry, I never offered. And since then I've been thinking maybe I should start offering when I need a sister. Do you want a hug? And so I did that last night. Last night when I was
speaking at the young Muslims conference. And one of the sisters asked if she could take a picture with me and she looked
It's kind of emotional. And so I asked her, Would you like a hug? And she hugged me so tight Subhanallah
sometimes we underestimate the power of these small gestures.
But the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he taught us not to belittle any good deed, even a smile, even a smile.
When you meet your sister, and you say a Salam Alikum, and you smile at her, and you shake her hand, and you give her a big hug, even if she wasn't feeling that great before then what's gonna happen after that? She is going to feel better. And I am speaking from experience. There have been so many days where I wake up, not in the best state. And then I go to one of my classes to teach and the sisters say salams to me, they give me Big hugs. And I forget all about my worries. Subhan Allah. So never underestimate that. How else did the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam teach us to get out of the shackles of loneliness? There is so much emphasis in our beautiful Deen on volunteering and
giving back to the community. Right? We know of all that hadith in which the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, the best, most beloved person to Allah subhanaw taala is who the one who brings the most benefit to others. And the best and most beloved de to Allah is to make another Muslim happy
to make someone smile.
The Prophet SAW Selim, he also taught us that one of the best deeds is to feed someone who's hungry, to remove their worries
to help them with their debt. Right? Those are things that you don't do at home. Those are things that you do outside and you have contact with that person. And if that person is feeling lonely, guess what you just did? You help them a little bit. And guess what if you're the one who was feeling lonely,
you helped yourself a lot actually, you know, subhanAllah
psychologists, from the beginning of the development of psychology, were studying and researching
emotions like sadness and anxiety and fear. And about 40 years ago, they thought to themselves, why don't we study different types of emotions, the more positive emotions and positive psychology was born, and that's when they started studying emotions like happiness, gratitude, altruism, and guess what they found out they found out that one of the quickest ways and the best ways that you can increase your happiness levels
is by volunteering and helping someone else.
So if you're feeling lonely, if you're feeling isolated, reach out to Agnes sisters. Do you have mashallah so many volunteering opportunities where you can inshallah engage in others help others and insha Allah that will be doing what?
It will be nurturing not only your spiritual health and your connection with Allah subhanaw taala but also
your own mental and emotional well being. How else did Islam come? And kind of erase that loneliness?
Think about our beautiful prayers.
Did you know that the Mothers of the Believers May Allah's Pennetta be pleased with them all used to lead women in their homes in Salah.
Ah, Aisha Radi Allahu anha used to lead women in her home in Salah. So Salah is that community even when we recite our Salah What do we say? Allahu Akbar, Al Hamdulillah hear of Billa Lemmy and a Rahmani Raheem II Malik. Yo me Dean. Er Kana boo er Kana stirring, it hit dinner so your autonomous stoking.
We ask a lot as a group.
Oh Allah, we worship you not? I worship you. So that you could always know that you're not alone.
Yet Allah we ask you to guide us, not I ask you to guide me.
Even in our prayers Subhanallah which is something we do five times a day.
Think about all the virtues of going to the masjid and learning
When you go to the masjid, is it just by yourself and you're learning from yourself? No, it's a group. And the prophets Allah Allahu alayhi wa sallam said something very amazing. He said, whoever leaves their home,
to go to the masjid with the intention to learn something or teach something gets a reward like that of Hajj.
And we all know that anyone who takes a path seeking knowledge what happens?
Allah makes their path to Jannah. Easy. And so is seeking knowledge, something that you do in isolation. Not at all. How else
checking up on your neighbors.
There are so many a hadith where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us to be kind and good. And check on our neighbors. He even said that when you're making soup, add some extra water so that you can send a plate to your neighbor. That's interesting, because he didn't say your poor neighbor.
He didn't say your needy neighbor. He said your neighbor, regardless of their situation, because maybe they're financially doing great. But maybe emotionally, that's where they need it. And even the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam said Gibreel kept telling me about the rights of the neighbor until I thought that the neighbor would inherit from us when we pass away. And so check on your neighbors.
You know,
go over, ring the doorbell, take some flowers, bake some cookies, take some of your delicious biryani, right, and just say hi, even if they're not Muslim, hello.
You know, I was just thinking about you today. And I know that I've been living here for the past five years, and we haven't really talked and I was just wanting to change that. And I thought, you know, today's the day. And so I made some dinner and I thought you might like to try our cuisine
and to those who feel like they are lonely, remember that you are really never alone. And remember, we recite very often sort of Baja, what Baja we're Layli either sagia Mauer DACA or buko amakhala. You know, once the Prophet SAW Selim felt lonely,
he felt lonely. He felt lonely because he stopped receiving revelation.
And when he felt that Allah subhanaw taala told him, you're not alone.
And Allah subhanaw taala tells each and every one of us we're not alone. He also tells us that he's nearer to us and closer to us than our jugular vein. Right? Think about Musa Ali Salaam?
What did he say? He said Kela in my year of BCD. And when he was in an impossible situation, even though he wasn't alone, physically, he was alone emotionally at that time, because when he was in front of the sea,
and he had Benny Israel with him, and fairground and his army behind them. He wasn't alone physically, but he was alone. He felt alone emotionally. Why? Because his people started screaming at him. Look at what you did. That's it. We're done, Musa we should have never listened to you. Were that's it? We're done. You just killed us all. Season front of us, armies behind us. And what did he say? He reminded himself, I'm not alone. But was he alone physically? No, I'm not alone, emotionally. Allah is with me. And because Allah is with me, Allah will find a way out for me. And so anytime you feel alone, anytime you feel like this loneliness is sinking in, remind yourself that
first and foremost, Allah is with you, and start to remember him. Right? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that ALLAH SubhanA data said,
Whoever whichever one of us remembers, Allah what happens? Ally remembers us, right? And so you're never truly alone. And if you feeling alone, and you've remembered Allah, call someone, reach out to someone. Reach out to a friend, reach out to a family member. Don't allow shaytaan to allow those feelings to sink in and take roots. Right? Don't allow that. And let's say well, all my friends are at work. All my family members are busy. Go to the masjid.
Go to the masjid. You're bound to find the sister there. If not
Find some kind of relief organization, call them up and say, I want to help out in some way. If you can't find an Islamic one,
volunteer at a homeless shelter, go to a woman shelter, even if they're non Muslim, to something.
Be proactive and that's what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us and know
and know that that will not only help you,
physically and emotionally, but there's also so much rewarding that
I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala by his greatest names and his greatest attributes, the names that if we ask him by it, he subhanaw taala answers our call. Only he knows what each and every one of us is going through. An on this blessing moment during this blessed day in this blessing gathering, I asked him subhanaw taala to leave all of your distresses to replace all of your sadness with happiness, all of your fears and your anxieties with tranquility and serenity. And I asked him subhanho wa Taala the same way that he gathered us here today that he gathers us all in Jonathan for DOS, Amin and Zack located and for listening so attentively and if you do see me around, I do love
shaking hands and I do love hugs and I would love to meet you all in sha Allah. Does that Kamala Hayden, a Santa Monica? Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh