Calisha Bennett – 5 Important Truths that Women and Mothers Need to Know
AI: Summary ©
The speakers stress the importance of being true to oneself and finding one's own in order to achieve the ultimate truth. They stress the need for accountability plans, working for one's life, educating organizations on the rights of women and men in society, and firm parenting for their children. It is crucial for parents to know their children' interests and allow them to grow in a healthy way, and to be a part of the community to express one's views and address challenges in the world.
AI: Summary ©
I want to belong Mina shape on the regime Smilla Rahmanir Rahim in Al hamdu lillahi Naghmeh the who want to start you know who and don't fiddle when not all the bIllahi min jury and fusina women say at Dr. Molina ye de la HuFa la mobila When are you little fella Haryana a shadow Allah Allah Isla in LA long walk the hula shriek Allah, wa shadow Anna Mohammed and Abdul Hora solo and my bad,
very low prices due to Allah. We praise Him we seek His help and we seek his forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from the evil within ourselves and the evil consequences of our evil actions. Whoever Allah subhanaw taala guides, none can misguide. And whoever is led astray none can guide I bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah he's alone and has no partner. And I bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his slave and messenger. So then why they call Mara to Allah he'll but a cattle to your sisters, it's beautiful to have you oh here, nice small intimate gathering as Allah subhanaw taala planned for all of us. And as I always try to
mention to sisters always feel special that Allah smart Allah chose you to be able to be here in a gathering of his remembrance. And then he made the pathway mashallah for the day smooth for you to get here, where it might not have been as smooth for others who might still be driving around trying to find parking or trying to find the venue you know, and may Allah accept everybody's intentions because some people intend and they sometimes aren't able to achieve what they intend. Either way, Allah may Allah Subhana Allah accept from all of us. So today's talk for the altar code t time t t talk, the brothers in need sisters t talk session, I wanted to tie into the theme of brothers in
need. Okay, so why sisters in need. So the topic in the theme is, you know, five important truths or five important things that women and mothers need to know. So I thought what's important for us right now to have a little reminder in or a little bit of a reconfiguration, or a little bit of a stirring of reflection, for us to kind of face some important areas of life that maybe we overlook, or that maybe we've become heedless of, or maybe that we need to be reminded about the importance of so chose five different areas that were inshallah touched on. And I wanted them to be for them to be five important truths that we need to know and need to realize that why do we want to see and
discover and uncover truths about something is because potentially there might be elements of self delusion and denial. And that's hard. I thought, if I put that in the description, some people might automatically be defensive, self delusion, I'm not self deleted. Denial, I'm not in denial. The fact that someone might feel that way to such wording is an indicator of some self delusion and denial, rather than humility of like, hey, maybe there's something I don't know. And we should always feel like, there is more truth to be known. How can we ever feel quenched in our pursuit of uncovering truths? Do you know every single truth about your world, the love your life, the world we live in?
Do you know every truth I don't?
I'm on a quest for truth, truths about myself, especially truths about my existence, truth about my purpose truths about where I'm going wrong. That's something we should all want. So five common areas of self delusion and denial. Why did I word it like that? And my subtitle is for you to be ready to challenge yourself with these topics that we cover. We're going to discuss the truth about the reality of life,
the truth about yourself, the truth about your spouse's rights and needs, the truth about your children's rights and needs, and the truth about the world and times we live in.
That's not going to be so much of a lecture lecture, I will tie into some Quran, Hadith and quotes. But they're just to prompt thought and to invoke within us realization of certain truths. To bring forward a humility, I can't say anything that will humble you more than what Allah Subhana Allah and His Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam has said,
and that should be for every one of us, the most humbling thing is to hear the hug of our Lord and His messenger who was sent, and for that to cause us to react within ourselves. I'm not here to make you feel bad. I'm not here to invoke false emotions or guilt or shame. I'm here to remind you and point you in the direction perhaps, and prompt you towards being aware of things that I'm trying to be aware of, that you might benefit from becoming more aware of.
We know that our tradition
that the believers of the past two were truly right
Just staunch devout believers, they were really hard on themselves. They only achieved what they achieved because of huge self accountability.
And until we're ready to do that, we will never change our condition. We all know everybody quotes, Allah will not change the condition of the people until they change that which is within themselves. You will cannot and you will not change what is within yourself until you're ready to be highly critical and harsh about what's going wrong about what needs improvement about what is being neglected.
We can't improve our condition until we are actually honest about our condition. So a lot of what we cover today will be questions. And you don't have to write the answers to these questions, but I will if you're taking notes, write the questions down, go home and really reflect on this and answer some of these questions within yourself. And then inshallah some fruits will truly come from this exploration.
So I want to start with a beautiful dua.
sunnah da Allahumma adenylyl hubco Hap konwar zuke nudge diva or diva or arena l Bulkley. La belle de la noir zucchini, nudge Tina Baba. Oh Allah show us truth as truth and give us the ability to follow it and show us falsehood as falsehood and give us the ability to avoid it.
There are certain things that we are living by ascribing by or even believing in that we have to
admit that they are based on falsehood. We have to admit that we are lying to ourselves in ways
we have to admit that there is better truth to be uncovered and to live by.
And if we truly want to have any type of success in dunya, and Astra it can be nothing but that calling out falsehood and living by truth.
We know we're commanded to enjoin the good and forbid the wrong.
Very, very few of us actually do it.
Not let alone in our environments, and often not within ourselves. People often really good at doing it externally. Haram policing everybody. And then they don't even see their own darkness in their own deals. And that's one of the ugliest things that we have in our community. People who can mash it all up, point out so many external wrongs and harms and make tech fear and call the school for that bigger everything. And their own hearts are just black, and their relationships are rotten. And their worship is is low quality.
And I'm saying they but there could be us. There could be you and me falling into that category.
So what is the definition of truth? What's the Arabic word for truth?
Huck, Huck, ha barf cough. So it's the Arabic word for truth in the Islamic context. It's interpreted as right. And reality right as in it's correct. And reality. Al Haq is one of Allah's names as well known as the truth. Okay, it's often referred to Allah as the ultimate reality in Islam.
The ultimate reality that the greatest truth Sisters is Allah.
The greatest truth is Allah. Allah is a hawk. Which means if he is the greatest truth, the truth, I mean, everything else has an element of corruption, falsehood and deceit and deception.
And that's where we were supposed to be able to see ourselves the world around us as so polluted, so potentially polluted and until we return to Allah,
we will never be purified. Until we return to Allah the ultimate truth. We're always going to be caught in and swept into falsehood.
If I asked you to define truth or truthfulness what would you guys say? What is truth truthfulness?
So we define the Arabic into English now let's get the English breakdown. What is truth or truthfulness? Okay, you guys look up the Webster's Dictionary have a guest guess what comes to mind? What?
Yeah, what is the meaning of the word truth or truthfulness?
It's like it depends like in different cultures or religions or people like, what's the truth? Like? It's a big question. Like,
like some other people saying things too. But for us, it's a difference.
Like, so you feel like truth can be tangible it can be changing.
Is that?
Is that when it comes from religion or DNI? Yeah, yeah, interesting. That's an interesting reflection. So look when she says to just mentioned, truth can be different to different people. But then you also on the same, like on the same side of the scale, you can say, but there can only be one truth. So which one is it? Is there only one truth? Or is truth up to interpretation?
Or is the hub the hub?
Questions? Right? These are the challenges our community, our youth face now as they are educated. And they're being told that all their different shades of truth, what if I said, What about truthfulness? a truthful person, what's that quality? What is this quality of truthfulness?
There's nothing wrong with this. Like it's because the only thing is like,
online or offline.
But yeah, there's nothing else.
So maybe like something free from distortion or free from deception. Yeah. So if the average person if you ask them to define truthfulness, they're mostly connected with something to do with speech like a truthful person or truthfulness is to not lie. It's to speak what is right to speak what is good to speak what is noble, but in Assam truthfulness, it's more than just an honest tongue. Truthfulness is the already this beautiful definition that I found in Islam. Truthfulness is the conformity of the outer with the inner, the action with the intention, the speech with the belief, and the practice with the preaching.
Beautiful definition, yeah. Truthfulness, conformity of the outer and the inner, there's no hypocrisy. What you see on the outside, is coming from in here. It's the action with the intention that connected and the same, there's no, someone does something good. But in their heart, they want something out of it, they actually hate that person or it's fake. It's no fakeness. There's no hypocrisy, this speech with belief, so speaking, and actually believing in what they're saying, they've conviction local politicians, and are they like puppets, read the speech that don't actually live it and believe it or have conviction in it, and we pick up on that spot, Allah, we know, you
probably feel it, you don't vibe with a speaker or presenter or teacher, if you can see that and have conviction in what they're saying. They're just running it off. They're not emotionally moved. They're not spiritually, they just say and speak and teach what they're meant to, but it's not coming from here. And then we have the practice with the preaching. They live it, and then they're like, We need to live this way. Let's do it all together. So truthfulness is the very cornerstone of an upright Muslims character. And it's the springboard for his virtuous deeds. It's the cornerstone.
It's a way of life and it's a core trait and quality for us as believers, and it's a springboard for his virtuous acts, if you live upon truth, and you stand for truth and you're authentic, and you are honest, and you are transparent, and you are sincere. And that is the base of your operation for all your good deeds external, of how you interact with people, what you do in the world, how you represent Islam, this is a good state to be in for a believer. Right? To have not not been based on truth, some kind of hypocrisy and darkness and deception and to face it, you know, to facing us and you know, these bad qualities, and then try to do good externally. That's not how we operate. So
it's the basis for us. Truth is the oldest of all virtues. And it truth was here, before we were here, the hug the reality, the truth of life existence, existed before us, human beings, we're even placed here. Because the truth is, and always was the truth.
So it's the greatest and most important of all of our virtues. And it's most the one of the most basic things for the establishment of mutual relations. You can't have a sound relationship with anyone, anywhere, ever, unless you have on a basis of truth, or it will not withstand. If you don't have truth between you and Allah, what you are so honest about your state and condition, and who you are and what you intend. Where you're gonna go, who you're gonna, how can you hide from Allah subhanaw taala you can likewise with your children, your parents, your spouse, your friends. If you aren't truthful, what's it
based upon, you're not real, or they're not real, the relationship isn't real. If there isn't truth as the foundation, it's the backbone of a peaceful and sincere society. We can't live in deception because all will create this chaos and disorder.
Everyone will trust a person who's truthful and all will inspire from his good attitude. It may be possible that many people follow that person, and especially the close companions of that person will also try to be like that person. So we should actually want to be close to and we should be drawn to people who are really truthful and honest. Even if it hurts. You know, some people get a bad rap. And they get told oh, she's so harsh. But in the hair Munch is like, what I just say what's true, like, I'm not gonna pretend, you know, like my mom, sometimes we'll call something and be like, do you like a mom? She got no, too salty. Mom, that's not nice. You can't say she goes, You
want me to lie? Because I have to be honest. It hurts. I still love you doesn't mean I don't you know, love you anyways, I'm just being honest. We'll see how we don't even sometimes want to hear the truth. Like just say something nice and make me feel good. Or we shouldn't pursue that. And then beautiful quotations by different scholars who say your true friend and companion is the one that criticizes you and says, Hey, man, you've been late in your prayers, or sis like your hijabs changing what's going on? Or like, you know, you've been swearing like we've been watching a lot of those bad shows got to cut down that's a good friend. Not someone who just Pat's your back and says
go do what joins you encourages you. That's not a friend. That's not a companion. Allah subhanaw taala says, I will be Lamanna shake on the regime. Well, maybe you'll be a law how a Rasul Allah Eucommia Alladhina an AMA long why lay him in Nabi Yean mean NaVi ye in our sleep deity you know what shoe had? He was slowly he in our hacer una Hola? Iike. What has sunnah Hola, Iike Rafi, or Allah says in who so ever obeys God and His messenger. Such will be in the company of those whom God has blessed. Who are these people that God has blessed the prophets, the truthful ones, the martyrs and the righteous. And how excellent accompany is such a people. So in your life, who do you look up
to? Who do you have around you? Who do you learn about and shallots, the prophets, until it's people who consider as truthful people, the martyrs those who fight and strive to defend the religion of Allah subhanaw taala and the righteous.
So Allah as we mentioned before, is Al Huck, the Absolute Truth, Imam Al Ghazali. He says, I'll help the truth is the one who is the antithesis of falsehood, as things may become evident by the opposites in Islam, that tradition is you know, something by its opposite. How do we understand how he'd we contrast it to schicke? The oneness of Allah is contrasted to associating partners with Allah, how do we know what good is? We look at evil? We know what good is because when you see evil, you're so
disturbed by that you're like, Oh, my goodness is so good. Likewise truth. We know what truth is. And we know that Allah subhana, Allah is unhappy because we contrast it to the opposite falsehood, lies, darkness, deception.
True applies to existence in individuals, to existence in the intellect, which is knowledge, and to existence in speech, which is utterance. So you can be a true person, you can be upon true knowledge, and you can have true speech. So we want these all to be aligned. If what we feel inside, we don't manifest it, and we are agreeable, and we just say what everyone else says to make everybody happy. See what there's distortion there. There's deception. If we, you know, we want to be true people, but then the stuff we're learning is based on falsehood, and isn't founded and we lean on that type of false knowledge. How is that going to manifest on a saying, Leila? Hey, llama,
and we're trying to testify that Islam is the truth. The thing which most deserves to be called true, is the one whose existence is established by virtue of its own essence forever and eternally. And it's knowledge as well as the witness to its truth forever and eternally. So all that pertains to the essence of the truly existing one, and to nothing else. So if Allah is the truth, then his words are the truth. And his promise is the truth. And his threat is the truth and his acts are the truth.
So if we are the creation now of ultimate truth, and we worship Allah the truth that we
have to live by this. And by the principles of truth. If the ultimate reality is HAC truth, that we have to live by it
we have to be constantly sorting out and removing any elements of falsehood. And they creep in.
And before we know it there on the you know, when you have like,
think about like a whale in the ocean.
The whales just swimming, doing his thing. But when you see a whale, they have these things barnacles stuck onto their body. And it's like, it's a barnacle is like a living creatures, shellfish, whatever thing it's called. And it's stuck on to the whale. And it's traveled along with the whale and the whale is like 4050 years old. I don't know how long whales live for swimming in the ocean a long time. And it's got all these barnacles on it, it's now become part of the whale.
And we have to realize that as we travel through life, through knowledge, through upbringing, through influence, through friendships and relationships, through just thinking the wrong way, and not correcting our thinking with the hub. We can end up with these things stuck on to us, and we don't even know they're there. Until it's challenged until someone says, look what stuck on you. This is not true. This is not real. This is not right. And then you have to look at it and go, but this is a part of me. It's always been it's been there for 30 years. You have to be willing to remove it and say and look at it and study go where'd this come from? Why do I think like that? Why
do I behave like that? Why do I believe this? Why do I act like that? And you have to choose when to put it back on keep it keeps you feeling safe. It's very familiar. Or you can remove it piece by piece.
You know one speaker Jordan Peterson he says sometimes you have to reach a stage in your life where you have to actually remove and and become everything that you are nearly everything that you are in order to find who you truly are. Sometimes there's a lot of like you're you have this, yes, shedding a second entire suit and an armory you've been wearing your whole life. And the real you exist underneath all that you've got to remove all of it. And then you're like, oh my god, I'm naked. Like I'm so bad. Who am I? And you have to get to know yourself and rebuild yourself again. And what's the cornerstone value and principle and moral truthfulness? To be so honest with yourself?
Allah Subhana Allah says further likoma Long rockbrook omole have called for Mother bardahl Healthy eel Bala and for an NA to serve food for that is Allah your Lord, the truth, and what can be beyond truth except error. So how you averted
your Lord Allah is the truth. We've been talking about Allah as Al Hap. And then Allah says about this concept of truth, what can be beyond truth except error?
You have truth, and all else is error, all else. So you're constantly trying to find and seek that truth, the ultimate truth, just because the world says but there's variations of truth, truth is open to interpretation for us as Muslims, no, there's only one truth. And that is the truth by Allah subhanaw taala in Allah subhanaw taala with Allah subhanaw taala according to Allah subhanaw taala
and the living truth is Al Amin,
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the most trustworthy one, never uttered a lie. He never falsified anything. He never distorted anything who lived in awareness of the reality.
So now facing yourself,
facing the truth of yourself.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam says, Every man starts his day being a vendor of his soul, either freeing it, or bringing about its ruin.
Every day, we're either setting our soul free from shackles, falsehood ception hypocrisy, bad trade, sins, sins chain new down,
or they are bringing about its ruin. So you either freeing your soul every day, making sure it stays free so it can be in worship of Allah, or bringing about its ruin. Some people every day is a day of,
you know, lining up and stroking out wrong, wrong, wrong wrong. By the end of the day, that chaos do I live in? What destruction have I created around me?
Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, who is then more unjust than he who utters a lie against Allah and he who gives the lie to the truth when it comes to him. Is there not
Helen abode for the unbelievers, and he who brings the truth, and he accepts it as the truth. These are they that guard against evil says from Surah Zuma, verse 32, and 33 very powerful verse, Who is more unjust than he who utters a lie against the law, and who gives the lie to the truth when it comes to him. So they fight the truth with lies.
And 39 Verse 32, and 33. So they give the lie that they live upon, or that they want to debate and fight for because of their ego, because it's what they've always known because it's their family's background heritage. This is what the disbelievers did around the Prophet sallallahu lism they fed their lie to the Huck that came, but our forefathers always worshipped idols, we're not going to turn away from that we choose that over the truth. And we do that into the smallest of ways. Someone might come to you with the truth system, you know, or you know, might be a family member, like I care about you and I need to tell you something, and then you argue with it, no, I did that because
this than that, because this specific, because because because we fight the truth that has come with a lie. Because whatever reason, because of ego because of denial, because of fear, because it feels safe to deceive. And Allah says He who brings the truth and He accepts it as the truth. These are they that guard against evil,
being upon truth, and making sure you secure the truth that is what protects from evil. This is the greatest protection. Telling yourself the truth can be the best habit that you can develop and asking questions and talking things through with yourself can be the easiest and quickest way to establish this habit, having honest conversations with yourself.
Some people journal and that becomes a really good exercise to start to learn to be honest with yourself, but sometimes just those conversations in your head,
have truthful conversations with your head that isn't just putting you as the victim and everyone else is the bad guy. Always ask What am I doing wrong?
Yeah, it's a daily meeting an appointment. It's like how am I
gonna behave yourself today?
Being with the truth Well, the last ones that Allah says yeah, you have Aladdin I am an otaku. Allaha kono Masada tiene, detain are you who believe be afraid of Allah and be with those who are true in words and deeds.
So be afraid of Allah. and be with those who are true his company is very important.
Very, very important. You might even consider him Allah says about this versus this versus adhere to and always say the truth so that you become among its people, and you're saved from destruction and calamities. Allah will make a way for you out of your concerns and a refuge.
If you stay upon truth, even if times feel and get really difficult, Allah will always provide a way out if you're conscious of him, and don't cave into falsehood. So let's go into our five different areas of truth. The first one is the truth about the reality of life to get ready for the questions. You can write the questions down and use this as I didn't even have to write the answers when you get home you can just reflect on it.
Or do this with someone that you love and ask them and have it as a conversation.
So the truth about the reality of life what is the reality and what is truly important? I need you to interact because this is going to be good for
your energy. Okay, right now and good for the processing. You guys tell me what is the reality in life and what is truly important what when we ask if you would if someone came to you and said out you guys are Muslims, what's important to you guys? What would you say?
What's the focus? What do we think about
Jannah paradise? Yeah, so an end goal of we want to get to Paradise what else?
Sorry. pleasing God. Yep, please.
Yeah, why we're here. fulfilling our purpose. We're always thinking, what's our purpose? How do I fulfill that purpose? Yeah, what else?
is following Oculus? Yeah, living by the pillars, establishing them in our life? Yeah. Sadaqa.
Our knowledge and knowledge Yeah, a law being largely at the forefront, knowing Allah. Our priorities are like being connected to our scripture of Quran, which unfortunately, we have to again see we have to be honest, we aren't connected to the way we see some Christian groups read their Bible every day. And it's like we have the Quran we memorize we even know in Arabic, but we don't actually know. Quote, if we don't remember different verses. We don't feel like all that
Check chapter that section is so powerful. We don't We can't even have conversations because we're so basic in our knowledge. So why are we like that?
I just had a conversation about my pregnancy. So yeah, of course. And we realized, like our parents, let us go to add.
But the thing is that just taught us the Arabic and not the meaning. So I think that was the disconnection that we have that we know how to recite and memorize, or we're not actually understanding what it means.
The connection to the words, yeah. And others actual speech telling you giving you Instructions for Life and the meaning of life? Not connected to the meaning.
Yeah.
So what is the reality and what is truly important? So if I'm here to remind you about the reality of life, you should have in your mind, what are the priorities in my life, every person was trying to advise, you should have traced your hand and fill each finger on a piece of paper, what are your five most important things to you, you should know them off the bat like that each of you 510 15 Things that are your priority list, you probably know it, but you haven't thought about it like that. What is important to you is what you kind of do day to day, you might be like running an efficient home, making sure my kids are healthy and educated. It might be that you know, you do your
work daily worship, you always try to do your daily worship and make time for that. It might be your quality time with your spouse, it might be looking after your parents, you know, Inshallah, what your priority list is, but it's good to see it and have it clearly mapped out. So whenever you fall off track, or you're not feeling good, you can look back, what am I not doing in my priority list? That's why I'm feeling so disturbed. Because I've shifted my focus from my priorities and my realities. Your priorities are your realities, thinking about Jana, and wanting to go there. If it's your priority, that's your reality of your day to day existence, avoiding the hellfire, being
connected to Quran thinking about the Day of Judgment, your health might be a huge priority for you. For some people, it's not using your time well, you know, nurturing your children, having that quality time reading your education, you have to decide what they are. So what is their reality? And what is truly important when we look at the world we live in now. And we look at what this has introduced to the world is a total distraction, and a robbery of us living in our realities and living according to our priorities. Hugely, it's a huge distraction, corruption, pollution and a huge source of falsehood.
huge source of falsehood.
Actually, yesterday printed out like a
priority list.
Template yesterday.
Wow. It's something that it's like things you do daily. I was thinking like, should I just put it out because I have
ADHD and I do struggle to remember also sometimes, like I should just have it all in
one place. Yeah, even if you have something which you feel is, you know, a condition like ADHD, it's the scattered pneus the more odor you can create to your thoughts and to your routines and to your focus and priorities brings that calm down, you know where you're at. And a lot of the time, someone might not even be diagnosed with ADHD, but they probably would have symptoms of potentially having you know, having that because life feels like it's all over the place, and they have no focus, you can't have focus until you can prioritize, you can't prioritize until you made a decision about what is a priority. You can't know what is the priority until you know what is reality. You can't know
reality until you can describe the truth. So there's a pathway to coming to that understanding and realization and then putting that roadmap for your life and and Hamdulillah we have the spiritual
I guess the you know, pillar to lean on of knowing we map things out we make a plan we live with a system and we live with discipline about also trust that if anything gets thrown off, it's by Allah's permission in his plant and cut off.
Right so we have this leaning part of where we have no flexibility when things don't quite turn out. And we get back on track we'd readjust we reassess.
Okay, so we have our reality and then we have the world around us which has a different reality which we don't think we should know this world around us is not a reality it's a delusion. Again, the Quran tells us that Allah tells us that Don't be tricked. It's a trick it's a trick it's a trick and you still get tricked. You know when someone has one of those little like magic trick things that like put your finger in him you're like, you know you're gonna get zapped when you put your finger in that was like a band aid box or something was sometimes a cockroach in
I don't know these show back things right? You know, you're going to get tricked and sometimes you're like, No, I'm not doing it is the trick. Because Come on, come on. If they coax you enough, you're like, Okay, you give in enough pressure, even the strongest person who knows what's gonna go wrong gives in. And then it's like a mouse trap thing or whatever that thing is right? It's happened to the kids a lot. Why do we do that? Why do we end up coerced?
what is truly important, the beautiful Hadith the Prophet sallallahu al Islam says, take advantage of five before five, your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness, your wealth before your poverty, your free time before your busyness and your life before your death. We're given our priorities right that using your youth being energetic, being motivated, being inspired getting things done while you're young before you get old, looking after your health the best you can utilizing it making sure your body is strong, that you're nourishing it well before you get sick.
If you have wealth at any certain time you use it for goodness you share it, you do sadaqa you distribute it, you prioritize how you use your wealth before you end up in poverty, your free time before your busyness. People say I have no time. I'm so busy. But then you go look at the clock on here. It says five and a half hours a day.
On each app, not just one app.
Right. It's been a long and we complain. We're given enough time.
Allah is generous, He's given us enough timelines that
you can make time you carve out time for what you say you prioritize. If you don't have priorities, then you will waste time and then complain about not having time that you've wasted and squandered. Again, we can lie to ourselves or we can be honest. We can say but I'm so busy and I just everyone said nearly everyone will say that we're not let's be honest, we're wasting time full stop sleeping too much. Eating too much staying up too late watching too much stuff and iPhones too much. Unless we rip it all away from ourselves violently ripped away from ourselves
and your life before your death.
Whenever that will come.
No, my uncle passed away on the weekends home on Sunday morning. And Leia Hummel,
my auntie you know what she said? She was so strong, just like just to just teary eyed but strong. And she goes we prayed Fajr we did our morning vicar. And she says I watching him breathing and then I thought he just
like was waiting for him to take his breath and he was gone. Because you know, we were very lucky. He was lucky. He was fortunate is blessed. He had 75 years. She said Rasul Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Islam only had 63 we had bonus because I mentality just lost a husband and just being grateful. Like, look how much we were given. Look at the time we had.
And then you know, the just watching his piano like, kiss her husband kiss his head and then she traveled down and kissed his chest and traveled down and kissed his feet. That's her husband. Beautiful.
painfully beautiful. Just a reminder, where our mindsets at what are we doing with our time? What are we doing with our life before our death? So we know what our distractions are from reality. Be honest with yourself. Listen down. What are my priorities there's one list what am I distractions if you know what your distractions on your time wasters are, you can say okay, for this one, here's how I can hold myself accountable for this one. Here's I can make sure I'm not wasting time there. You can hold you can have accountability plans for these things. Okay. Entertainment distractions distracts us phones and phone calls distract us social media distracts us and social life distracts
us excessive talking and eating all these types of things. Just distractions, and this it's focused, intentional and upon a priority.
So Allah subhanaw taala
tells us how we're going to get caught up in life 14 over 1400 years ago, when the Quran was revealed. Allah told us pre warned here's how you're going to get going to get caught up. Allah says
think this is Surah Al Hadid 57 Verse 20 l Mo and ml higher to dunya Allah Ibu Allah who was in to whatever forum by Enoch Omata aka Thor. What a Catherine Phil Um, well, he will I will cavatelli over vie Ethan RJ Bell, Kofi Radha to whom he Maya Haeju feta almost father runs yaku
Oh no football man. Waffle rot yada Boone Shadi do amo fear on wall mount Farah Tumino law he worried when women hire to dunya in lammeter, or logo or Allah says now listen to these points. No. Yeah l'amour says No Listen. Listen No. The life of this world is only play and amusement. play and amusement, distraction entertainment. Pomp and mutual boasting among you. Pomp and mutual boasting Yeah, I got myself a new bank. Yeah, I got the latest phone. We take photos of it we show each other we have a fancy meal show people husband gives you a gift. Oh my husband he's so sweet. This is pump N mutual boasting look what I got. Look what I have.
We have to show everybody
and rivalry in respect of wealth and children.
You look how come she buys brand stuff. I've never bought brand stuff. They have a new car wish had a new car. They just got a new house or they just went on a five star holiday
rivalry. Oh, kids are so good. Look how nicely dressed. They are my kids. I forgot to brush their hair this morning. Right?
They have so many children, we can only have one kid there's a doctor, I look who whose family they married into look at how they did their wedding
rivalry.
As the likeness of vegetation after rain, they're all the growth is pleasing to the tiller. It rains, the fields grow. What happens after that, yes, everyone has a time where things grow and you have prosperity. But what happens after afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow, then it becomes strong.
Whatever, everybody has turned to straw, nothing lasts forever. No blessings lasts forever. Why compete with things that are all going to turn into straw, everything's going to turn into dust. And a lot of these things that people are jealous of and competing over and distracted by on the Day of Judgment actually be a cause of either love and weight and sins and punishment and more accountability. The more you have, the more you're accountable for the more you have, the more you have to be grateful. And if you're not it will be stripped away. If your intentions are wrong when you have if you show up when you have it could be a source of punishment. A Levin says but in the
Hereafter, there is a severe term torment for the disbelievers unable to is and there is forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure for the believers and good doors. So the Afra is the reality. And then Allah says whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment,
it's all a trick moment to moment, you have to say how am I being deceived? How am I being tricked
with what I'm doing right now? What I'm watching right now who I'm with right now the conversation I'm having right now and the thoughts I'm thinking right now. So ask yourself, Where are you getting caught up?
There's this saying, you know, that says, you know, death wants us to life. Death once asked life. Why does everyone love you, but they hate me? Why does everyone love life, but they hate death. So life responded. And it said, Because you are a painful truth. Aloma Beautiful Lie. And that's the reality of the swamp.
Beautiful Lie. This world this life is a beautiful lie.
The reality is death and accountability and the afterlife for eternity. For the living area said, man's fear of Allah is equal to his knowledge of Him and His renunciation of worldly pleasures is equal to his desire of in the hereafter. How do we realize the reality of the dunya the reality of this life is you have to contrast it to the next life. And the next life has to be more desired to you. When you want the asset or more the dunya suddenly doesn't mean much to which is why the Sahaba of the past, which is why some of the most wealthy successful some of the you know righteous kings and believers of the past, their kingdom meant nothing, their power, their wealth, possessions meant
nothing because the ephedra was everything to them. So it didn't enter their hearts it was just the material around them. It's not about not having having the dunya before you it's about not allowing it to interact inside you because you weren't made for the dunya your or your soul was made for that after your A being created for the athlete or not this this world and this life.
So if you're an authority said work for the sake of this life within the extent of your stay in it
work for this life within the extent of your sign and how long have you here for 60 7080 years, work just enough to live and suffice and provide? We don't need, you know, we watched a few videos that had come up
business type ones. These people are like, I need to become a billionaire. By the time I'm 45 years old. What do you want a billion dollars for? You want to chase and chase and chase and build. So you can have a billion dollars and that's the goal. The goal isn't like, I want a billion to eradicate poverty in an entire country. That's not the goal. You never hear that. It's just a numbers game. I want I want I want, when is it ever enough?
You only need enough to get by to fill your bellies to house your families to live securely to contribute a little bit when you can. Any extra beyond that hamdulillah Baraka
so think about how long you're actually going to be here.
And when you think about the athlete, or how long are you staying in the after?
Eternity
My mom always used to say that because we were
we'd like to hide our shopping.
So she wants you to like you're wasting your money next to the door or waiting too long.
And then sometimes we find out and she'll be like,
just letting you know what everything that you spend, you're going to be pushing. Wow.
She wanted us to be conscious of what you use your money for. Yeah. And like our parents, they often came from very little. They had such little, so little that when we when they were at ages when we were working in earning wages, they were not earning any wages or if they were that to give it to the parents all of it. It's been a lot different now. So work for the hereafter within the extent of your stay there and if we're going to spend eternity in Africa, wherever that destination Shahla we hope that it's paradise I mean, how you need to work for we need to be doing perpetual good deeds, turning every mundane task throughout the day into a good deed. Opening the door Bismillah closing
the doors Smilla turning the aircon on intention on and make people call for the sake of Allah turns into an act of worship pushing the chairs in you know doing little things become a good deed
and greeting someone smiling good deeds good deed with these your whole life can be perpetual worship
the reality of the worldly life number two, the truth about yourself I'm going to push through this inshallah even Oka em Rahim Allah he says,
Verily the life of a man is in the life of his heart and his soul. And there is no life in the heart, except by knowing its creator, having love for him, worshiping Him solely turning to him in times of need, and seeking tranquility with his remembrance, and he who loses this life has lost all good. Even if he attempts to substitute this loss with all that is in the world. For verily, not even all of the world together would be able to replace this life. And verily, for everything that a slave loses, there is a substitute. But the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace him. I'll send you this quote for anyone who wants the actual long quote, just message me and I'll
copy paste it to you.
So the life of man is in the life of his heart and soul.
We live where people live, building life external they think life means having children and a nice house and a car and holidays and nice clothes, and public perception and a nice job. They think that's building a life.
In Islam, that's not a life that's dunya that's fleeting, external worldly tests, and accountability, all of those things. The true life of a person of Uno is his heart and soul. And that's who we are ignoring that too. We are neglecting, wintering, listen to our heart and soul. We're not carrying it like a egg in a nest so carefully, making sure it's looked after making sure you know what if you had an egg in a nest and you want it to hatch, you want your soul to be looked after to hatch into the ACARA to good destination to flourish in the Alpha. How should you carry it and look after it? You gotta keep it the right temperature. You gotta check it you got to move it,
you got to nurture it, keep it safely. Do we do that with our heart and our soul? Or do we pretend this doesn't exist altogether? What happens if an egg isn't nested on and sat on will ever hatch
nor hatch will die?
The egg will die just like when the nest falls from the tree and the mother bird doesn't know that it's fallen from the tree. It dies very quickly.
Unless it's kept at a certain temperature, likewise, our souls are hot souls, if we aren't nurturing it and looking after a very carefully, keeping eye on it, guarding it, we can lose it altogether.
So questions,
you should be able to answer them like this. If you have a grasp on your life on your on your heart and soul, these questions should be like, boom, I know, I know. I know. Because I'm asking you about you.
And the scholars of the past, they say, a person who knows himself knows his Lord.
You can't know a lot if you don't know yourself. Because how can you connect to a loan? You know, I don't even know who I am. But I love God. But who is loving God? Who who are you? You love God, but who are you?
Your children are looking at you. Who are you? Your spouse is looking at you. I want to love you. Who are you? Were just miss women can we can fall into being a real mess. Likewise, men, likewise the youth, likewise, the elders? Because there's no assessment of who are you? What do you want? What do you stand for? What are your goals? What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? What's the past you path you've traversed so far in life? Where have you come from? What does all of that mean? Everything that's happened to you things that have hurt you, things you've achieved, people you've met, things you've learned? Where have you gone? And how did you get to where you are
now? What does all of that mean? in you?
What are you doing right? What are you doing wrong? What can you do better? What are you in denial about? What are you running from? What are you scared of? What are you neglecting important questions, not for me to know the answers. You got to have these conversations with yourself. Get to know yourself. Who is that woman looking back at you in the mirror?
Do you care about her? Do you look after her? Would you ignore her? Do you put her down?
You have to know yourself deeply sisters in a healthy way in a correct way, in a truthful way. And that's not easy. Sometimes you need support as you do that. You need someone close someone's supportive to kind of bounce you back and forth between trying to find these answers within yourself. Because it's confusing. It's difficult sometimes. For some people, it's very difficult. And then I've grown up with very good nurture, very good self awareness, very good nourishment spiritually and emotionally, psychologically.
Sometimes, it's really hard to figure it out on your own. You know, I'm going to be 37 years old this year, I have a 19 year old daughter, I have five children, and I've had two marriages. And I'm like, who am I? And it's the answers change. The answers deepen at different stages for different reasons. But you have to want nothing more than to be truthful, and to be deep about who you are, and where you're at who you want to be and where you're going. Life's too short. We don't know when it's going to end.
So the truth about yourself long list of questions I just asked you that. It's very personal. It's very private, very sensitive. You can run from those questions, but they're going to chase you your whole life.
That if the sooner you answer them and the sooner you address them, sooner you have that clarity in Chalon, you feel very grounded and planted in your identity.
This is the third area the truth about your spouse's rights and needs people are gonna know not the husband topic.
Your spouse or relationship can be the most beautiful, dynamic, or it can be the most torturous dynamic. What an interesting dichotomy.
We hear know the stories about love and companionship, and Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam and Khadija and Aisha and his wives is relationships, the playfulness, the love intimacy, we know Disney and the romantical dynamic. I'm a Disney girl, I grew up with a lot of TV, a lot of cartoons, and I sit obsess about the love dynamic. Then you get married and you have no idea how to do it in reality with another actual human being who is not your identical twin
is often the exact opposite.
is often the exact opposite. And you have to have this exchange. And you're wondering, Where are the feelings or what am I supposed to feel? And this is confusing. I thought it's meant to feel good, it feels horrible. Or sometimes it's like, I liked this person. I don't like them anymore.
Or it's that you didn't know this person that well and you weren't sure about them and then this deep love group and this companionship group
the dynamic
For us, as Muslim women with our husbands is different to society, it's different to other religions. And it's very deep, we have very clearly stipulated dynamic, you call it like the, the hierarchy as well. Husband is always above the wife, for reasons beyond us, what we will ever understand is Pamela, through Allah is One timeless wisdom, he's given certain type of authority,
because he has to protect us and the children, he is the shepherd of us and the children Hamdulillah I always tell sisters, don't forget, you're blessed. We are blessed. Allah doesn't charge us with being the shepherds of our husbands. Whatever he does, or doesn't do is between him and Allah, whatever happens with you and the kids, he answers for all of that. You as a woman, you answer for yourself and your kids.
The man has higher responsibility, and that's a burden. It's not a privilege, people see it as like, oh, Muslims, the husband is the authority, you know, women, we are saying a tune this whole new feminist movement that's being you know, that we have to fight the patriarchy.
The fact that men are the protectors and maintainers of women, you get rid of that you know, what's going to happen to society go have a look at what happens to society, when there's no role for the man to be a protector to be in his chivalry and masculinity, to protect his women,
tie man's hands behind his back, and then you say, What's wrong with you? Why aren't you doing this, you tied his hands. And that's what largely the movements are doing today in our communities hugely getting caught into it.
There's so many issues with the whole topic about, you know, the rights of spouses and the rights of husbands and the role of husbands and men in society and in families, we've got so much upside down, I think we need educating our organizations need to actually see and have a topic about
what the role of a man is.
Getting.
The problem is we have our Islamic tradition, which gets spoken very dryly and not in context, so that people understand. So you can take an idea or a hadith, and then go Hassan so like stringent or so unfair. They claim it as that. And then we have, you know, Muslims who are teaching it saying you have to obey and submit that this is the truth. And this is how it is. But people aren't understanding it, what the understand what that looks like, and what that means in an actual relationship. So it's very disjointed. You need to see it, you need to understand that you need to you need to feel the wisdom in.
Yeah, because society is telling you the opposite. That that is, yeah, it's patriarchal. It's misogynist, it's sexist, and all these things, and we don't see and trust the wisdom in it. And then we see society's calling to another way. And then we think, is that the better way and then love stories call to a whole nother way. And the man stays home looks after children and does the dishes and vacuum and you go to work and you know, there's a gender equality stuff.
Because it's equality. We don't believe in this equality where now we have to be treated, we treat each other or the roles are identical. It's not until he the man has a word, he should not be like a woman and a two she has
masculine parts, she shouldn't be like a man.
And Islam is so beautiful, it affords that a woman still can work so long as certain parts of her natural role are not compromised. It sounds so Justin so balanced and we're not seeing that picture, unfortunately. So the truth about your spouse's rights and this could be a huge deep dive thing. If we actually went into this topic, maybe we should one day, we have to think what are the characteristics of an ideal wife your responsibility is to be as ideal a wife for him as you can. Inshallah he's a good man, inshallah we actually want to be married to him. If you don't you need to address that. Don't you know, what we see too often is people stay together and they despise each
other and they hate each other and they torment each other and destroy their kids in that process. Why are you married, then, Allah wants Allah says is to bring tranquility, your garments for each other, and you bring tranquility, if you bring in * to each other, you know, fulfilling the purpose of marriage. Okay? And sometimes that's a journey and takes years to grow together and being patient with each other. At the base of it, you know, you love that person, you want to be with that person, then you got to do the hard work together and be patient. If you say I don't want to be with them, then don't torment them by by resisting them and rejecting them. Right and not accepting them
because you don't want to be with them, but you're staying for whatever reason.
Be honest about what you feel and about what you want, know what you want. And that's not easy to come to. But biggest thing we do is for young people
was choose carefully, you know, remind them to choose carefully, who they partner up with. Because once you're in it like you're in, it's a it's hard work. And it's not easy. So what are the characteristics of an ideal wife, maybe you've had this discussion with your husband already. But you as a woman in yourself should know how you want to be regardless whether he's a good bad, ugly, whatever husband, you end up with, what kind of woman do you want to be based on your own internal principles. So but he's not nice to me. So I don't look after myself anymore. He's not nice to me. So I don't serve Him or present something nice to him or whatever. He never remembers special
occasions that are not going to you isn't because of him, you're going to change the way you are in the negative or you're going to show up because that's the principles you live by the you want to run a tidy, organized house that you want to look after yourself and be healthy. You want to beautify yourself when he sees you that you want to be as kind and generous and patient and loving and affectionate as you can.
Or do you want to become the opposite what kind of person you want to be.
You're accountable for your state, not how they receive it, don't receive it, neglect it, take it for granted. You sleep at night? No man, I try hard and I work hard. And I show up in my life and I show up in my role as a spouse.
And you're not accountable for if he doesn't show up, you will be accountable.
What do you stand by? What what are the characteristics of an ideal wife?
What do you assume your husband wants from you? What do you assume he needs from you? What do you assume he desires from you? We have assumption you kind of guessing what he might like, you might need to have those conversations. Maybe he is particular and tells you I like before you got married. I like things like this.
And then you had that choice to go into it knowing he likes things a certain way. Maybe you're not sure. It could be a simple thing to should ask your husband do you like me with long hair? Or shorter hair? Do you like this link? Do you like me with earrings? You like big earrings? Small earrings?
Do you like me to put the food out? Or do you? Do you want to help me cook? Sometimes you'd like cooking together? Do you want to make breakfast some days?
Little things like that? To like your clothes laid out? Or like do you want to help me fold or whatever the dynamic is you wish?
Some some like that little treat as a treat. It's like you go
because like can you please I in my shirt? The ions right over there. We're in Australia, honey.
So it just depends what is culturally the norm and what is the norm that you create in your own dynamic. But
as long as you're both happy, but both ways you should want to be as endearing as possible and he should also inshallah want to be as endearing as possible. Why? Because there's two human beings who want to be adored and loved. We can't deny that.
To people, every human being wants that, to share that with someone else. We get married with the hope and the goal that we found that if it's not there, how can you create it? Can you create it? A lot of the time ego but he doesn't say I'm not going to then you end up living half a life. You're not expressing all of who you are. You're not creating the feeling and the dynamic that you want. You're you're closing the door to hope of that dynamic.
Aim to strive to be everything that your husband wants and needs so that what he has and wants and needs is there with you. Why do you want him to wants it somewhere else? You want him to think it's better somewhere else? Do you want him to feel neglected? Unwanted? Do you want to feel neglected and unwanted? It's a garment because you're both covering each other. It's not one covering the other, your garments for each other? No one is the garment for the other. Yes, the man is the you know the authority, the protector, the leadership. But then Allah says you are garments for one another which means what? Just as much as you need protection and to be clothed and and nurtured by
his protection and masculinity and love. Guess what? He needs you to cover him to What did the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam saying his most vulnerable moment to study
them Maloney Maloney cover me cover me scared terrified. Just went through something massive. She just covered.
Yeah.
Yeah. What was bloated to like, yeah, exactly.
Government for one another. Because there's conflict that needs to come both ways. And we forget sometimes that the men need conflict just as much as what we do. They feel very vulnerable to, but they bottle it up. I have six brothers enough father.
Now I had a phone call with one of the males in my life yesterday and he was crying on the phone to me but how he feels about himself as a failure.
For the humans to their sensitive to we cry along we spoke a lot when
being a mum
which was a too much today and how I feel, I feel a lot too, and they swallow it. Quite a men die earlier. Why do men have more heart attacks? Why don't men commit suicide more
they're hurting in their suffering, but they have to be caught with softness. And you can't catch your husband with softness until you actually go into your femininity in your the way Allah Allah wants us to be.
Drop all of the pretentiousness drop the ego drop them, you owe me iru just be generous, this is the best sadaqa you can give is that loving support kindness to your spouse, within your family and home.
And we know that the you know the Hadith the Prophet saying if I commend it, Allah said, if anyone was commanded to prostrate to anyone, other than Allah, the Prophet said this sorry, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands, just in that servitude and respect.
No one any said by Allah by the one in whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfill her duty towards Allah until she fulfills her duty towards her husband. If he asks her for intimacy, she should not refuse. They have huge rights over us responsibilities to that come with those rights. So don't think that it's not don't think that it's unfair, or that it's you know, put down towards a woman that he has more rights, but the responsibilities come because of that.
And the Prophet
Yeah, it's just explains in a few Hadith similar to that.
So the respect and the Submit submissiveness in a way to understanding some people say this obedience and submission, they don't like these words. But do you know what it is? Change those words to just understanding and trust, to understand that he has a responsibility and he's trying to execute that and to trust that he has certain wisdoms in that role that maybe we don't quite see or feel? Those words, I think, to some people are like, triggered but yeah, I think slavery, obedience and submission go bam, it means slavery or like you're some kind of slave. As I said, change it to understanding and trust. You OBEY HIM because you trust him. You submit because you understand where
he's coming from.
Workplace Pamela when I realized,
all right.
So you have to be honest with yourself in that dynamic is one of the greatest sources of your happiness and fulfillment in life Sisters is your relationship with your spouse, and the depth of intimacy you can find and explore with him you can't go down to, you'd be really honest, be really truthful, have really sensitive conversations where you want to know who he is, how he's feeling, what makes him sad, what makes him happy, what drives him already, like from you that you can gift him of your time and your attention.
And I know it's hard when there are wounds in your relationship, scars in your relationship.
We will all been there in different ways. Maybe your husband said some hurtful word at some stage. Maybe you've had scuffles with your husband? Maybe you've been betrayed, you're not alone. I've been through stuff that I can't even speak about. It's not easy. You have to choose the person you become through all of that.
So the truth about your children's rights and needs we'll do a couple more minutes in the last few points inshallah. So children are last one to Allah says that wealth and children are the adornments of the life of this world.
Who was it that I saw the other day?
She was has one child. She has one son. She was like, I thought I knew what love was. And then now this What am I gonna do? I'm in trouble. I love this kid. One son that she has. See this love that you have you know, sometimes you're like when I became a mother then that's when I really I felt and felt love I've never felt before.
It's the adornments children bring great happiness. And on the contrast of that, just like as humans, everything that brings you happiness can also bring you great pain and torture when things aren't going the way you'd hoped. But you have to choose how you deal with all of that. wealth and children are the dominance of the life of the word Allah also says are you believe your riches and your children must not divert you from the remembrance of Allah and those who do that are the losers and interesting if you think riches and children wealth and children, men kind of chase and pursue that success to build financial security. Women were just obsess about the kids. And we can end up
neglecting the remembrance of Allah. We lose shift and focus on Allah and either chasing wealth or chasing what the kids need, what they're gonna do and making sure
It everything's perfect for them.
The Prophet peace you're planning also said observed justice in dealing with your children in the same manner in which you expect them to observe justice and being kind and good to you. So this is very challenging as well, to be just and fair with your kids. just and fair doesn't mean
not to be unfair and not to give them certain things that they want or need. Sometimes being just means doing the hard things as well. Saying no, as well means being just to them. Sometimes being too permissive can harm your children and that's what we have no everyone's saying yes to kids because they think they're being unjust if they say no.
To hear parents say my kids eight years old and they're asking me for a phone and I feel really bad I'm keep saying No, they've been asking me for a year you're unjust if you give your child the phone, that's a vote that's poison you just gave them poisoned drink
and consume and destroy themselves with sometimes being the bad guy might feel like you're being unjust but it's that is just that's the right thing to do.
To say no
it's not easy I'm telling you I've always struggled with that with part of me is really strict and firm you know, like the religion is the religion says how are we supposed to live? And then the other part when it's like how they use their time and then you're like, oh, you know, it's sometimes you have to be really firm. I have to like, snap myself out of it. It's not easy because they pull at your heartstrings there's big sad eyes
what a children's rights and needs shelter food, clothing, education, religious training, moral training, nurture and affection. Teaching them discipline commitment routine.
Sometimes we think they just need food, clothes, and just everything beautiful. Like a palace around them. pillows, fluffed and clothes laid out for them. And they're not royalty. They're an Amana, Anna trust. Sometimes you have to be a little bit tougher to truly raise them. Well. How do we neglect their rights and needs? We're disconnected from them. We're distracted from them again. We know how this work. Mom, mom, mom, you hear your child saying you're not listening? Or like, yeah, and they talk and they're like, you're not looking at me. You got a big problem.
If you can't put it down to actually see them, they don't feel like they're being seen. Even though you're listening. It's going to they're not going to turn to my son had something at school yesterday. And he stood up for some injustice at school. And he just had been debatable with with one of the teachers about it. He wanted to talk to me about it for an hour. I'm cleaning the bathroom I'm wiping unfolding and cleaning my wardrobe. He's talking to me I'm yeah, I'm trying to interact. And he's like, see, because like, at least I have you to talk to, you know, to this with with you this about and I thought handled I hearing him say that men realize, yes, he did a long
time, a long time. He's 14, you know, but he's 14 and he came to me, you can go with his friends. He didn't go find someone else. He didn't just bottle it and hide in his room. So I just engaged with him with it and had to correct and a few of his perspectives remind him of certain things.
But see, they need your attention. I wasn't on my phone. I was I guess distracted. But I was like a multitasking, secondary clean. Like, you know, I tried to enjoy I'm going to cleans okay, we'll talk while I'm cleaning. So it was about I was you know, engaging and actually listening to what you're saying. But it's not easy because it takes time. We all have busy schedules your conversation with your girlfriend on WhatsApp, it's not more important than your kid needing to debrief what happened at school, taught everybody to wait, I turn actually notifications of I didn't even hear my phone or see anything beep or come in at all all day. When I say now I will check WhatsApp and I go on there,
then I see you has message that day. Because I chose to prioritize myself and my time and my family and my routine. Before someone who needs an answer. If it's urgent honor, someone will call and it will vibrate. My phone will call my phone doesn't ring all day, which means what it's not a priority, there's time. See how we give priority to what isn't as important. If you're on that list is your kids are on that list of being a priority. And not answering my friends what that message is doesn't make it onto that priority list, then you know, you've got to put something in order. And it sometimes it means especially because of the digital timer and you have to shut down and mute
things, which is why it take off so many apps account and check the time that I've spent and make sure notifications are off my phone's mostly on silent. So you create peace where there would be a lot of noise and for me I would have I used to have this I would have so much inquiries questions all day. No, I'm not a free take my time and ask me questions all day person anymore. I used to
and what you know, yeah, it's I'm trying and it's
My life too. So when people learn, they have to wait or they have to make an appointment. And they learn to value your time on a lot. So an Islamic ideas and ideals are things that kids not rights and needs are neglected. Over busy schedules can impact the children, and then the opposite, allowing them to become lazy, weak and uninspired. We allow it. And then we complain about it. We allow things we create things, we set up the path and then we complain.
So many parents complaining how we get the kids off the devices. What I can't give you even asking me that take the device off them. That's how you get them off it.
You just take it off them. Parents can't do it because they feel bad. It's permissive parenting, I don't want to make them sad. I want to make them upset. And that's the problem. Kids are never allowed to be upset. But more than ever, kids have more than ever kids are by standard upset anxiety all day and all these problems and mental health issues. No one's even disturbing them. They're free to do almost whatever they want, anytime. Less pressure than ever, in the history of human civilization. Your kids are the most anxious, insecure, sad, depressed and they've ever been to any device.
Each device like yeah, we'll have to force it. Like that. Just like I was like, I'm like something. I'm just like, I can't control that. I've got
that one. Yeah, yeah. And they've just like, whatever you need to see like I could do
to help buy one but
the big TV that would send you to an old Smart TV Yeah. Either when something
gets too many options.
With never had YouTube, and that my seven year old has to quit YouTube, from the TV or the remotes.
See how, see how the dunya the world is designed as a massive floodgates of like here, let the children have it. In fact, the path to de JAL straight paths straight to him when he's emergencies there, hook line and sinker, most of the Ummah is gone, let alone the rest of society, unless you choose to create the boundaries. So just as much as we have to do that with the kids. That's what I'm saying. Do it with yourself first. Don't try to tell them how to control your honor too much. They will saying uh, your honor all the time, Mom, you never get off it. You don't control what you're doing with it. It's true, be honest. Meanwhile, I'm going to change that we're all going to
change our digital use.
So allowing them to become lazy, weak and uninspired. And a lot of problems with that with our teenagers these days. Were too soft, inconsistent and permissive in our parenting approach. And we have to be aware there's a lot of stuff online Muslim, Muslim educators, just teaching this over softness with kids because you might hurt their feelings or whatever. Of course you don't abuse put down whatever swear whatnot, your kids, you have to be firm. If you don't, you're gonna harm them. You can't say to your child your child says Shut up Do you remember sir video the child had said shut up to the mother. And the mother said oh, you feel that way. That's good. Thank you for
expressing it.
The Hala wala Quwata illa biLlah naman would have chased me with a bamboo stick, literally another Asian lamb and we had bamboo. Okay, it would have got whipped if I spoke like that. Maya's like, oh, yeah, he's your mom.
I have welts you know, if I was disrespectful, don't do it. Now they think I can say shut up to my mother. And then you think they're going to behave at school and in society and with their future spouse? They can talk like that. I'm glad you told me how you feel. I'm like, come here. You're going to have you can choose I'll give you options doesn't salt chili, are so
what would you like to consume because my ears had to consume your rotten words, remind them of their place. And I said hierarchy husband knew children are at the bottom. They have to know they have to revere the care that adults, the caretaking, everything that's given to them.
If they are privileged thinking they can act and talk how they want, which they are learning from the digital world from other kids and whatnot. They can't have confirmation of that from you under the guise of I'm expressing my feelings.
We can't always express our fear. You might not like me right now in your local coalition face and voice is so annoying. You don't have to say that you can think take it home honey, tolerate my face and voice for another 10 minutes. You know, kids need to learn tolerance. My mom's nagging me about not picking up my clothes. I'm gonna zip it. I don't go okay. Shut up. Okay. No, you don't talk like that. Let's see when they think they deserve what their privilege creating a monster
That monster child is going to go into Monster spouse and be a monster in society, and probably become a criminal if you allow them to think they can talk and act how they want. There is order. Don't tell me that the child can talk to you like that. But then they're not allowed to talk to the policeman like that. So policeman has more respect than your own mother and father. No way.
So we have to be careful about some of these ideas that are creeping in.
That are corrupting and being a gentle parenting gentle. Yes, be gentle. 100% Be gentle. But not all the time. You have to be firmed.
Yeah.
It's not for me is this for you long term, this is going to help you long term you don't know it. Now you don't trust it. And you're Chroma mowing. Because you my friend had to clean my room whole thing. You cleaning your room is going to build you into a responsible young man or young woman who knows how to make their bed in the morning.
You're gonna give your child to some family, they can't even clean up after themselves. You get delivering a big baby into the world. As panel, even non Muslims, their kids are like traveling by 1415 working this and that independent. You know, we've seen some Western families, their kids like, wow,
they by 18 They're already traveling internationally doing aid work. And our kids are like, spokes in a bubble at Uber Eats.
And we're gonna go warriors of Islam, and we are the Khalifa on Earth and look at how we raise them, like nationalists on a beanbag.
Like some of them, like some of us are, like scared to let our kids walk themselves. Yeah, things that we do.
Someone might get you this could happen. There are 1,000,001 things here, they could have not good. You worried about what your kids walk into school, anything can happen anyway, anyway, someone close to your family coming over to visit could harm your child, there's more chance of us having a car accident driving to school than then walking and potentially they could get obviously run over or something that happened. In context, there's dangers and risks to everything, we have to weigh up the benefits to learning responsibility, strength and resilience independence. Like some mornings, my three daughters have to make their own breakfast and then walk to school and their own lunchboxes
and walk to school, and their six, eight and 11.
And then I'm like, my bad mom, if I don't do that every day, my mom used to make my sandwich like 90% of the time weighing it up. But I do a lot of different things that my mom didn't do as well, I have a different schedule, I have a different life that I communicate to my kids the wise in the house. And if I ever hear or feel from them that I'm neglectful, I have to address it. But at the same time when I hear that they're still grateful, even though they have to do things to be responsible and resilient and Hamdulillah. This isn't neglect. Some of this is building them. If I die tomorrow, I know my kids can handle themselves. They will be a little bit messy and untidy. But
they will feed each other look after each other, get each other to school, dress each other. What do you want? You don't and then your kid is an absolute broken mess. And they're like 16 and they can't cope with life because you prepared everything for them. Help them change their underwear at 16 years old. You know what? He raisings on a lot?
All right, so we have to have
no firmness and strength in our parenting method. There's time for softness. There's time for what's it called? They call it tough love. Tough Love. Last point, the truth about the world and times we live in we've touched on a lot of these different things. A lot of these issues need series unpacking. I just wanted them to be a little prompt, you know, to get us thinking, what is the truth of the FITS and and calamities of our times? I know you all know Shala you all know but I want you to know and realize more? Or even a question more things people forward your videos you watch people you follow especially on social media. put a question mark? Is she really saying the right thing? Is
this really truth?
Is she really our role model in how she's acting and presenting herself? And I'm telling you, if you ever see me doing a video where I'm dancing to music and pointing at things punch me in the face, I give you permission Maya your trainer. You probably punch really hard. You can find it if I danced hold me accountable. How do we represent ourselves? I said to the sisters on the weekend, we all started crying. I said if you dishonor yourself, you dishonor me, if I dishonor myself, I dishonor you. Our honor is interlinked as Muslims. And we as women in our tradition we have we're supposed to be held and protected in such a high degree of honor, high degree of honor.
And that honor starts with how we present and cover ourselves and behave.
And we're losing that like big time I'm seeing some weird stuff out there guys. The viral videos that we've got, I remember one sister, she was imitating an angel and had wings and just talking like she was talking about angels then the
You mentioned hola in this other one this guy was saying
there's a viral one that just like, come up sometimes like I see what the young people you know, what's that? What who's watching that?
I think they're tic TOCs. But they put them on Instagram.
That's what puts me often I run away because I'm just like, This is what people watch and share and fan and then I can see more people that are my friends are like, you know, why would you like that? You don't say stuff about religion and then tap dance in the same scene.
It's funny, but it's hideous, it's terrifying. We don't make a mockery like of our spirituality. And we don't take it lightly. But at the same time, we don't also have this two worlds, we have religiosity and then we have this wild part of our lives that we indulge in. Where where's the healthy middle ground, we have to have limits and limitations if I see that I'm not going to follow someone who does then behaves like that. Right? Especially these things that don't, people don't know they're doing things which are potentially taking them to the fringes of leaving Islam and they don't know they're uttering that.
Pretending that you're like God's words saying something or
swearing so I've even seen people that swear and then they're mentioning like, a narration smile. It's a sunnah but then they're like swearing in the same sentence. Oh wow, I really want to learn my religion from you. It's It's so dangerous like if I didn't have like, you know, a business or representation I want I honestly I wouldn't be there on their level. It's there's a lot of poison that we have to realize. So what are the feats and calamities of our time? What are the truths of that question and challenge yourself? Adjust, adapt SOT filter, Prophet peace be upon him. He said, Verily, before the false messiah before the jungle, there will be years of deception in which the
truthful or belied, and the lie is I believed, the trustworthy or discredited the treacherous or trusted and the disgraceful, speak, the disgraceful speak, who are given platforms on mass to say whatever they want and represent our deen and our religion and our community.
And then it will said, Who are the disgraceful the Prophet peace be upon him said, Little wicked men who speak about the affairs of common people,
little wicked men and women who are going to tell us about what's going on in our marriages and advise us about what and the patriarchy and feminism and equality and gender identity and religious, you know, dilution and all these things. They're commenting, and everyone's listening in our community, listen, and ignorant of us. Listen, we don't even know Tahara we don't even know our leader. And then we go and learn and hear this stuff. And we wonder why it's so easy to be misled. Because we don't even sit in our foundations. We can't even sit for an hour, two hours, three hours to learn from an athlete a book with a teacher in a Quran class. The most dropouts I've ever had in
my classes Quran class, people just drop out.
It's not easy. It's a challenge. We've pulled in so many different directions. But we have to know what is my priority list.
Also, the dunya is cursed. The Cursed is all that is in it except for the remembrance of Allah and that which resembles a scholar and a student of knowledge. Everything in the dunya is cursed. Okay, blanket curse, except for these three things, the care of Allah, which means going to a class you making vicar you worshiping a scholar, and a student.
So we want to make sure we're in one of those categories. Always stay student of knowledge, always be tied to learning. Always try to remember the last one to Allah. If you can be a scholar, be a scholar, if you can get there. Early Radulov onset very early. The dunya is coming to an end the Astra is coming to a beginning. And they both have children. Dunya is coming to an end. Are we on the end of the dynamite stick? It's burnt all the way to the end. Yeah, the dynamite now it's gonna blow the the Yama we are on the end of the dunya. And the asker is coming to a beginning we're about to meet the beginning of the asset on both of these have children.
Which children do you want to be the children of the dunya are the children of Africa. For today, there is action
with no account and tomorrow, there is account and no action.
Today you do what you want to do tomorrow you wake up you do what you want to do tomorrow you wake up you do what you want to do live in the present, thinking you're not going to be accountable. Tomorrow, one day that tomorrow will be the accountability and no more action. No more. Send me back. Send me back. All you have is what you do now has an oil basally said about the dunya the last quote, beware of this land that dunya that is falling down and is misleading and deceiving, being decorated by its deceit and having