Bilal Assad – Is it Halal for me to have a Crush

			I get young children as young as 1112 years old, 13 years old because of social media. They hear
these statements all the time. And unfortunately, the media now is flooded with topics on sexuality
from a very, very young age. So I get these questions asked, and I'm sure you as parents will as
well. She says, or they say to me, what is a crush? I have a crush on so and so kids as young as
grade one, say I have a crush on so and so.
		

			And today, I even got asked by some young girls at the school, very quite young, maybe 1011 12 years
old. What is a crush? Is it hello to have a crush? So let's first of all understand what is a crush
in the English language in the western society? What does it mean? So if you look up the dictionary
anything that Oxford or the Merriam Webster or you look up the Cambridge or the
		

			any any kind of English dictionary and you'll find a similar meaning, which means a crush is a
strong and intense feeling.
		

			Which makes you think that you like someone, but it is temporary. And usually you like someone who
you know is highly unlikely you will ever be with
		

			this thing called the crush can take you into seriously dangerous areas. From an Islamic
perspective. And from an emotional mental perspective. People with crushes can get obsessed with
their crush, it can sometimes be a celebrity,
		

			religious or non religious. It can be someone at school because they got interested in what they see
on social media, let's say a particular hairstyle or particular look, and they go to school, and
they see that boy or that girl who looks like that person they saw on social media and they find
that he or she is my crush. Sometimes they have some interests that they find that maybe they have
the same as them. And then they say I've got a crush. This thing can be obsessive, and a person can
turn into a stalker, they can follow that person look at their social media page. They can, every
time they're around, they act different they act weird. Some of them they if they come on the tram
		

			or by transport, they'll probably go and deliberately wait outside the school, probably
unsupervised, and then wait for the particular tram particular transportation where they know that
crush is going to be on or they'll wait out school and wag or they'll do a lot of things that really
makes them misbehave just for their crush. It can lead you to obsession, they can stop eating, they
can stop drinking, they can stop sleeping if they get too much and follow this desire of a crush. So
brothers and sisters, it is a dangerous thing crush means it will truly will crush you. If you
follow that desire. However, brothers sisters, please understand me having a crush. It's just
		

			another name of this natural feeling that especially young people, the younger you are, the more
you'll have this, the older you are, the less likely because you understand life and you have more
experience and understanding people emotions and relationships. And you focus on what really
matters, you start to understand life better. But when you're younger, you have a fantasy and this
imagination that goes through your head and it makes you feel good when you have a crush gives you
those special tingly, they call it butterfly feelings in your stomach. Okay, I'm even sure that some
older people have felt that when they got engaged and they had some interest, it's very normal. So
		

			these girls asked me, boys don't usually talk about it, but they even have crushes or they just
don't know what to call it. Girls are very smart with wording so they know what they're saying. And
they Masha Allah, they ask these questions. So having a crush is sometimes out of your control. It's
just a feeling that comes to you. The community, your friends talk to you what you see on social
media affects you and so you feel oh, I like that. Boy, I like that girl. So that feeling if it's
out of your control, it just came to you. It's not a sin. It's not haram, but acting on it becomes
haram acting on it. So if you follow that feeling of crush, because it's kind of a romantic thing,
		

			right? I like that. Boy, I like that girl romantically. And I think it's called Love, but it's not
love. Right? And especially the very young they're not ready for marriage. They don't know what
marriage is. They don't know what relationships are. So they're exploring.
		

			We got to educate them for parents to sit with their daughters and their sons to tell them what is a
crush, define it to them, tell them why it's not good to follow in that feeling in Islam, because
it's going to make you it's going to break your heart. It's going to hurt your feelings. It's not
real. It's a fantasy, right? It's just something that doesn't really exist. And what happens is that
it lasts for about few weeks to two months, some people even to four months. These girls said How
long does it last? I said six months just in case
		

			And in short, like it does, it does go away. So these, if you do feel something like that, brothers
and sisters, I always advise my run sisters this. Are you ready for marriage? Can you get married?
Can you go and start the process? And, you know, meet the family and ask for her hand and it doesn't
have to be married straightaway. But can you get engaged? Are you ready to meet people to get
married? Are you old enough? Are you mature enough? If all the, the answers are no, then know that
all you're doing is that you're torturing yourself, if you follow the feelings of liking or having a
crush, okay? It'll go away, and you will move on. But don't act on it. Because it can lead you to
		

			bad places. I have had these experiences with young people, past and present. I've been teaching for
about what 1617 years. And I do a bit of counseling, Student Counseling. So these students do come
to me Muslims. And you always have this story all the time brothers sisters, and I think parents
should really start to learn about these terminologies and talk to their children about an idea to
say the word sexuality, love liking relationships from a young age, talk to them about puberty from
the age of nine, or 10, even eight for the gills, especially because they reach puberty before boys
talk about these topics. And let it be a normal topic that you as parents can talk with your
		

			children, children, talk with your parents talk about your experiences, how did you meet their mom?
How did you meet their dad, but you know, within reason, let them talk to you rather than talking to
someone else. I know a brother who I learned this from, he says I say to my daughter all the time,
she is an angel. I even joke with her with cheap lines, like Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Because you're an angel, these cheap pickup lines. He says them to his daughter, his daughter says
Come on Dad, that's you know, you don't say stuff like that. But she became normalized to it. So
that he said to me, because I know some other boys are going to come and use cheap lines to pick her
		

			up. So I'm going to beat them to it. And whenever they say it, she says, Oh, my dad says those to
me. My brother says that to me. So run sisters get used to it so that she doesn't, she doesn't fall
for the praise who just want to prey on her. Do you understand what I'm saying? Okay, rather than
sisters. So I'm going to move on from the word from this thing called Crush. And by the way, love
really comes after you've met somebody and you've lived together for a while. Marriage doesn't
necessarily have to have intense love from the beginning. Marriage can build the love or can crush
the love later on. It depends on how you build it, how you are there for each other, as a man said
		

			to honorable hottub. I like this person, I trust him. He says, Did you travel with him? Did you stay
at his house? Have you done any business trade with him? He said no, he said then you don't know
him. Don't say you just like him. You just like what you see or what you can imagine he is. So
really in marriage, you get to know each other more. And you just learn about the important things
that you need to know for a marriage. And understand that when you marry someone, you're bringing
two families together, you're sometimes you're bringing tribes together, tribes, some people,
Lebanese, Turkish Somalian marrying Asian, whatever. Islam allows all these types of marriages and
		

			makes no distinction. So long as you are compatible, and you're good for each other. We bring
countries together through marriage. It's not just you and him or you and her. It's not Hollywood,
where you both hold hands, and walk out into the sunset as if the whole world doesn't exist. You
have families together. So talk to older people, talk to wise people, talk to your parents, it's
nothing wrong saying to Mum, what's a crush? I have a crush on this boy, let her talk to you. Let
that talk to you. It's alright, talk to older people so they can guide you. And not just your little
friends who are around you. Because in Arabic, the friend that you have at school or the friend that
		

			you have who's your same age, the only thing they can really do for you is just to lean on them to
hug them and cry, or just to talk and they say, Oh, I'm here. But really, they can't do much. They
can't advise you more than what you know. A 13 year old girl getting advice from another 13 year old
girl What's she going to know She only knows what she knows. But getting advice from a mother or an
auntie was older or some or a teacher or anybody else who's older. Like an older sister who can
advise you or a brother or a father. These people can advise you and can guide you in a better way.
So always good to have a friend or a family member who is older than you you can take advice from.
		

			A friend who is at school who was your age is called that a field in Arabic or a field means the
elbow medevac comes from metaphor because Arabic is so particular with names and there are eight
different types of friends mentioned in the Quran. One of them is rafeeq. And Rafiq is an elbow
which means you can only lean on them. Just share your emotions with them and that's about it. But
they can't really solve much for you. Okay, so
		

			Do you need a wedding or when he means someone older? Who is responsible for you who's invested in
you like your father, your uncle, your brother. If you have a son, for example, your mother all
these who are invested in you that what happens to you will affect them. These people can guide you
better