10 The Emasculation of Men

			probbaly Show Episode 10 the emasculation of men. This podcast has been brought to you by half our
Dean calm and Muslim marriage website designed for those who want to find that other half privately
because the only people that should know you're looking to get married or people who are looking to
get married. Try half our Deen today. The greatest trick the fashion industry has ever pulled is to
convince men that women find them attractive in skinny jeans. Today's type you have men doing things
that are once only done by women from shaping their eyebrows to wearing sparkling jewelry to
beautifying themselves even more than their spouse what happened to the men of this oma I can only
		

			imagine if Omar was alive today walking around with the stick and his reaction if he saw the Muslim
men of this generation yes about to get hot in here. So if you can't stand the heat, you better get
the kitchen. Let's do this.
		

			Cultural Muslims have confused the masses and speakers are forced to be politically correct.
		

			Voice
		

			Hey, man, why y'all serious? This is just a podcast.
		

			The emasculation of men is something that's hard to ignore. Sometimes this occurs because there's no
strong male role model in the family. So the young man grows up and doesn't know what it means to be
a real man. They end up marrying a woman who treats him like a child, but they have no problem with
that because they look at her as a mother figure, she becomes a dominant person and he becomes her
submissive counterpart. The relationship in the marriage isn't natural, and therefore neither side
is really happy. The reality is that every woman wants her man to be a man, but some women struggle
to allow him that space. What makes matters worse is that some women in the effort to be his equal
		

			may end up robbing him of his manhood all together. Then there's those wives who have no shame in
billing their husbands in front of their peers. Not only is it awkward for their friends watching
this public emasculation, but it's even more awkward for the man being whipped. You might as well
emasculate him and carry his parts in your purse while you're at it, make him carry the purse to
sorry for being so blunt. But I've seen this happen to brothers in front of my eyes. It's a terrible
thing to witness. Sometimes I don't think some women understand the impact of the words. Some of
these wimpy men want to speak up, but they're scared of the reaction of their spouse. Well consider
		

			me your power of attorney and this podcast as Exhibit A. I'm not gonna win you fans for speaking the
truth. But then again, my goal isn't to win in this court of public opinion. Yeah, this episode is
gonna ruffle some feathers. So to tackle the subject, I can just bring in any regular guests but I
need to bring in someone that isn't afraid to tell you like it is. My guest today blouse draw from
romantic muslim.com has helped countless couples who have struggled with marriage issues, but law is
also the coordinator for the Muslim men against domestic violence and Atlanta, Georgia, a nonprofit
organization dedicated to promoting greater awareness of the evils and causes of domestic violence
		

			within the Muslim community. He's also a Muslim motivational speaker, relationship coach and the co
host of the popular Muslim podcast romantic Muslim, which has garnered the attention of Muslims and
non Muslims around the world with this humorous, relevant and bold approach to love and
relationships. Law has helped countless couples regain the romantic Spark. He's been married for 22
years and he has nine children Mashallah his no nonsense approach and direct personality is one of
the reasons why so many people find their podcasts appealing in a world where everyone's walking on
eggshells. Sometimes we need people who aren't afraid to speak the truth. Welcome to the Bob Marley
		

			show. Assalamualaikum
		

			that's your cue.
		

			To Oh, sorry.
		

			Alright, welcome to the Bob Marley show as salaam aleikum, WA
		

			How are you I see how you doing today, brother.
		

			How we engender right now.
		

			Before we start anything you guys have learned from the bob Ali's show is that I'm not afraid to
bring up taboo issues if you notice at sama conferences, it's easy to bring up things that men do
wrong and you'll never get a complaint This is because the vast majority of people who attended some
conferences are women but dare to bring up anything that critiques the actions of women the defense
walls go up and a series of emotional emails cards coming to my inbox.
		

			I'm just saying the way it is cuz we're about to talk about something that sometimes sisters do not
all sisters keyword not all but some sisters do. And the feminist sisters are gonna send me emails
and they don't critique us and blah blah blah and that doesn't really fix anything because sisters
make mistakes like brothers make mistakes. And for us doing this topic, it doesn't mean that men
don't make mistakes too. I mean, listen to the other episodes I do I critique men left and right.
It's just it has to be fair game that when sisters make mistakes as well and men
		

			The stuff that we all correct ourselves, including with me and my guests, we all make mistakes. So
this is something for us to bring attention, bring it to the surface and show with the hopes that
some people will stop doing this and become more conscious of it. So you know what topic to talk
about today? Right below? Yeah, yes, brother is this is real. As we say, in America, we keep it at
100. Today, just keeping it 100. All right. So let me give you an example, brother, because I seen
this way too much. I call it brother up and I asked him, I see how you're doing, how's everything
going? And this brother was like, Bro, I can't talk on the phone. I'm like, why my wife is coming.
		

			My wife said, I'm not allowed to talk on the phone. I'm like, what's going on?
		

			My phone, my wife says, I'm gonna have to talk to people. It's nine o'clock, I have to go I have to
go. And I'm like, I was everything. Okay, like, I thought the guy is in danger. And I think he was
in danger.
		

			Because she's coming. She's coming. She's coming. He hangs up. He hangs up the phone. And I'm like,
wow, I thought, okay, something's wrong. Maybe they're in our argument. Maybe they're fighting and I
try to call him back. He's there to make sure he's okay. And he told me no, no, I learned that he
actually has complete fear of his wife and his wife basically micromanages every single thing he
does and what he's allowed to do, and not allowed to do, who's he allowed to speak to who he's not
to speak to? It's like, everything is micromanaged. I'm like,
		

			What happened to men?
		

			Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait brothers, sisters, please don't get upset. But please just calm down,
calm down, the brothers telling you the truth. And we got to talk about it today. This is real talk.
Real talk. I had another brother we're having lunch together wives or their couples or their
different people or there's a bunch of people there. Hey, Ryan came for dessert. We're about to eat
dessert. And he goes and tries to grab a slice of I think it was cake or pie. And his wife basically
said in so many words, I didn't say you can have any cake, no cake for you. The man had to go sit
down. He had to take the walk of shame back to the brother section and sat down.
		

			The rest of the guys have cake in their hand. And he has like an empty play agent sitting there like
so. So this is taco.
		

			Let me give you an example. I was here in Atlanta area. And I was in how can I say a major
supermarket conglomerate put it that way? Okay. So I'm in now and I saw a brother and we talk
		

			when we started talking and at the time I had my daughter was a baby. So I was there getting no
diapers and wipes in the baby aisle. And that's why I saw him and we started talking everything. As
we were talking. A woman came into the same aisle with us, okay, and she was shopping and he said,
Bro, I have to go I have to go. I said What's the matter? I gotta go. I said, he says if my wife
caught me in the aisle with another woman she would go ballistic. I gotta go.
		

			Doo doo doo is time for you to take back. How can I say your property? Do you understand what I'm
saying? Exactly what you're saying. It's time for you brothers to take your property koku back from
your wives from the sisters. I feed for real? This is crazy. I don't know what happened. I mean,
seriously, I'm not saying that. I want to make sure this is clear. We're not saying men should be
very controlling and abused their position Allah subhanaw taala has given them over their wives but
rather there's a certain criteria have to make a man a man right the way the prophet SAW His home is
the best. He wasn't a pushover. But at the same time, he was kind and just to his wives. But
		

			sometimes people say okay, as soon as he says yes to everything, then that makes him a good husband.
That's not true. That's not the prophet SAW with him at all. Unfortunately, some of the men today
they don't get that like their wife will ask them hey, can I do this? He says Yes. Can you do this?
Yes. Can I go here? Yes can do this? Yes. Sometimes she's asking you all those questions is because
sometimes she wants you to say no. Yay reason wants you to say no is because they want to see if you
care or not. Like he always tells me Okay, go out. Anytime you want, I don't care go to another
city, be there as long as you want etc, etc. When he keeps saying yes to all that the way the woman
		

			says sometimes is that he doesn't care if I come or go or whatever I do. So he doesn't care about
me. You know, sometimes she wants to test you she's testing the waters to see what you're gonna say.
And if you always react in a certain way, she realizes you don't care. That's just one side of it,
bro. There's stuff that the women are doing to the men in front of other men, which is just wrong.
I'll give you an example. Whenever you belittle a man like the example I gave earlier, in front of
his peers, it's a huge impact on his ego it is and how's a man going to stand up and feel like a man
when he comes home and you always talking down in front of him in front of his friends. I mean, even
		

			from the prophet SAW the song we've learned that you take a person to the side, correct them. You
don't do it in front of other people. He don't you agree? I agree. One
		

			percent Matter of fact, when I counsel my clients, I tell brothers and sisters specifically both of
them to never be little your spouse in public. Yes. And actually what I tell them to do is to praise
to compliment your spouse in public, especially in front of their family members. You can go to your
in laws house and say, salaam aleikum, Miss Mohammed Subhana. Allah nativa is more beautiful now
than she was 10 years ago. So para la, in front of your wife's parents and see how quickly she will
fall in love with you. And reverse is the same. So Pamela, when the brother is with his friends,
other men, of course, men have egos, just like you said, and every man wants to feel like a man. So
		

			if a brother comes and tells his wife, you know, can you please bring me some water, please? And she
will say yes. And she'll go and bring it and bring it to him some kind of law that lets him know.
And the brothers know that his wife is again, she's submissive and that they have a good
relationship because that in actuality is the nature of a woman. Now wait, wait, don't say Hey, man.
		

			You're about to use two words, two words that women take very negatively, Brother, you brought me on
this show to tell you the truth. He want me to lie to me tell you the truth. What do you want? What
do you want? I brought you because you speak the truth. You're not afraid to speak the truth. Thanks
very much.
		

			Listen to what Tyler says in the Quran. The meaning is the meaning is that men are protectors and
maintainers of women, because a lie has made one of them to excel the other and because they spin up
their means of support. Therefore righteous women are a devoutly obedient meaning to their husbands
and garden the husband's absence would allow them to guard so this work when in this idea, it means
that the man is a person who manages the who manage the affairs of his wife, like an attorney, a
power of attorney the attorney oversees the affairs of his client, you know, he guys down always
them advice, sees their affairs sees what's going on. That is a relationship that a man should have
		

			with his wife that he's not overbearing, but he is responsible for his wife. So the status of a
husband to his wife is more of responsibility, pure liability and not so much a position of
authority and influence. Okay, so you are responsible for her she is given to you by Allah tala to
care for her to be kind to her to be gentle to her, but to guide her watch over affairs and lead her
to be a good Muslim. And so she gets rewarded in this life, as well as in half this panel. Ah,
here's the thing. I was just mentioning earlier that the two words in today's generation that women
take very offensive, are the words obedient, and submissive. They look at those words as being
		

			something negative when this is not negative whatsoever. Also, panto has given us certain roles.
Just because the man has a certain role is different than the wife doesn't mean that that role is
better. In fact, of the people who rule the Muslims, who are the leaders of the Muslims, they have a
role, but at the same time, those people have a certain accountability that the people that they're
ruling don't have. So for example, let's say there is a Khalif and he is ruling over all the people
in the Muslim land. He is responsible for all the people who are not the average person like you and
me, we're not responsible for every single person here. He's given that leadership that power, but
		

			he's given that accountability and he has to answer to at least the parents on the day judgment,
every man who's given a power over the woman, he's going to be responsible on the Day of Judgment,
did you protect her? Did you make the final decision because of what your own desire was?
		

			Some men take advantage of this, they abused his power, and this is what causes females to become
feminists. And unfortunately, women they feel like okay, something's wrong. So I'm going to not
going to do my part. He's not doing his part and no one wins, but goes to a completely different
subject. Let me jump to you and ask you something, brother. What do you think about when women are
micromanaging their husbands every move? Again, that's not her duty and responsibility. That's not
her job. The job of a wife is to support her husband to care for him because he or she is not the
leader is the man who's the leader. So a wise woman knows how to talk to her husband to get the
		

			maximum benefit from him. So you understand what the nature of what a man is the nature of man is
that his job is to lead protect, to guide provide and to teach and establish justice on the earth.
And when you try to contend with him, when you try to stand up and buck against his authority, or
whatever, you are shortchanging him and you will never get the type of husband that she wanted. And
I'm telling you right now.
		

			I'm gonna say all hate mail to bow [email protected]
		

			I'd say I gotta say, Listen, I gotta say, the brothers should be kind affirming to his wife to his
wife, he should listen to her. Be kind, consider her advice. Be gentle, be loving, be romantic, do
all those things are supposed to do as a man, but sisters feel love and let your husband Be a man.
And don't belittle him in public, especially, in fact, his friends or his family members, again,
it's an email to pilau gmail.com This is real talk, real talk, real talk. This is why I bring a wide
variety of guests because we get a wide variety of different opinions, different talks, and people
are gonna hate me for some of my podcasts, guests, and some people gonna love me for some my podcast
		

			guests. And believe it or not, some people just podcasts gonna really appeal to them, as some of
them are gonna let you know via your
		

			strategy gmail.com gmail.com. Alright, so let me ask you something else I'll bring up earlier
regarding the whole word, obedient and submissive. A lot of sisters these days, they feel like they
have to be dominant. And the reason why they have to be dominant is because they look as submissive
as something as quote unquote, being weak. Correct. So they tried to be dominant in the
relationship. And then if someone is dominant, the other side is not going to be dominant. Because
if you have two people who are both being dominant, is going to end up in divorce, right? So one of
them's gonna end up being submissive. And if you watch even the homosexual relationships, there's
		

			always one that's dominant, and there's one that's submissive, there's always one that's a male,
there's always one that's a female, even though they both are the same gender match, really, I'm
being real here.
		

			If you go to the sea, the homosexual relationships, there's always the man and there's always a
woman, like even the lesbian relationship. One is the Butch and one is the girly girl.
		

			And the other
		

			guy with the male relationships, you see, the one is like,
		

			Oh, I have no filter, but I'll tell you like, on the male relationships, even they understand that
the one has to be like this and one has to be like that. When we come to sometimes the Muslim
relationships both are trying to be dominant, or sometimes in a very few cases, both are being super
submissive. It's an imbalance it's unnatural. Both being dominant is getting up in divorce, right?
They're gonna butt heads. No, like two Rams is not gonna get anywhere right? Yeah, I agree. One
being submissive. The Wrong side being submissive makes it on equal to and I'll, you know what we're
gonna be real. We're gonna say like it is when the man is a wimpy man, super submissive, and his
		

			wife is dominant. This not only affects them in normal marriage life. Oh, don't do it. Don't do it.
Don't Don't say it. It's going to affect them in the bedroom as well.
		

			The woman is not naturally attracted to the wimpy man is talking about sexually attracted to the
wimpy man. I don't think the woman is sitting there fantasizing. Oh, I wish I had this wimpy man.
		

			Or vice versa.
		

			Dude, let me tell you listen, every single woman wants a man to be a man. You understand what I'm
saying? So when you talk to sisters and ask them what is your fantasy of an ideal man? Usually the
first thing is someone strong. Fern muscular is nothing dude wimpy, wimpy, you know, soft, you know,
pushover type dudes. Women don't want that. In general. If a woman wants that type of man, she is a
control freak. She wants to control everything in that marriage. And that's an unnatural situation.
It is not what a lot Tyler has made the man to be is not the role of a woman but unfortunately
listened very closely. A lot of reasons why the sisters are not willing to submit and not willing to
		

			be obedient is that the brothers don't know how to establish the authority inside the home. You
don't know. But to be fair, a lot of the men aren't men anyways.
		

			These men That's true. The woman's complaint, which is completely valid. It says if you want me to
be more like Khadija that needs to be more like Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam That's true. This is
real talk. Let's look at what the industry has done to Muslim men today. You got guys wearing
skinnier jeans than their wife All right, you guys guys shaping their eyebrows
		

			used to be the talks was okay, let's get the sisters alone first female only session to talk about
Oh, is it allowed to pluck your eyebrows and now you gotta bring the brothers into
		

			your eyebrows?
		

			Oh yes, the guys are arching their eyebrows. It is because they're trying to look beautiful. And on
top of that they're wearing sparkling jewelry. They're wearing more jewelry than their wife is
wearing jewelry. They got rings on their hands. They got more earrings in their ears like what is
going on. They spend more time getting ready than their wife does. Their wife gets ready half the
time.
		

			What are you doing? Unless you unless you're getting ready for us, I don't know what you're doing.
Well, why don't you take you two hours?
		

			To justify that it is no way you could justify it. At a messenger of Allah so low it was sudden you
find this idea
		

			that the meaning is the Messenger of Allah, curse men who copy women and curse women who copy men.
So Pamela, so when you start doing things that are generally accepted, to be from the feminine trait
is something you should stay away from my feet in general, women when it comes to men, women are
attracted to men of power, influence and wealth, if you have power, influence, and oh, well, women
will flock to you for real, for real, okay, that's amazing, and
		

			reveals to us His laws and his commandments. He knows the nature of what he created. So when a lot
of times it says that meaning is that the men are the protectors and maintainers of women a lot they
say that women protect and maintain the men, the law says that the men protect and maintain the
woman. So that means by her nature, the woman wants to be protected, provided, maintained, love and
guided. That's her nature. So when you go into your wife's purse tonight brothers, and he claimed
your property, reclaim your property, how do you reclaim your property, step number one, come back
to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Instead, establish your salon inside your home because in many cases,
		

			one of the main reasons why your wife is bucking your authority because you do not submit to
		

			gmail.com you are not establishing your salon inside the home. When a woman sees a man praying to
Allah tala fulfilling the commandments, she will instinctively submit to you. That's her nature, she
can hide it, but a reason why she's going against her nature, because you haven't shown her what a
man supposed to be. And unfortunately, she saw the same thing. Maybe her father, her uncle, or
whatever she thought that was the norm. And that's unfortunate. You know, I was actually reading up
on a bunch of things. Number one is to stop treating him like a child. This is something that
unfortunately sisters do. And they try to play the mother figure with them. And what do you think
		

			he's gonna do in response, he's gonna act like a child, the more you act like a mother, the mores
act like a child and no child is attracted to his mother and no mother's child. So dig into this
awkward relationship. That's not natural. Another thing is, don't tell him how he could have done
something better or comparing him to something. Yeah, that's that. Yeah, oh, he hurts him as well.
He hits his ego, give him his space. Thank him when he offers his help, because a man oftentimes he
feels he wants to feel like he's valued. And this is again, not the situation because of just what
women are not doing. But again, what men are not doing and you mentioned very clearly below, some of
		

			the men are not acting like real men. And when the men are not acting real men and the women aren't
acting like real women, we're gonna have some major problems within our marriages and within the
Muslim community. I see it all the time. I mean, I'm a relationship coach, I do marital counseling.
		

			I hear things like this from my clients all the time. For all my listeners who are listening. If you
want to learn more about how to make your relationship work below has an amazing program below.
actually tell us a little bit about it. Yes, we have romantic muslim.com Okay, stop laughing. Stop
laughing.
		

			Calm website, podcast, we have articles and a podcast just like this one. We keep it 100 keep it
real. We talk about love, romance, relationships, sexuality, you name it, we cover it. I'm one of
those listeners who listen to romantic muslim.com Oh,
		

			it is my favorite podcast on the whole itunes store because I have them really anything changes
because you're here and I've told my other friends because this is the one podcast actually
recommend to a lot of my friends because you guys cover these issues that no one really covers like
one of the topics I'll be bringing up also in one of my future podcasts is like the Islamic
conferences. That's one of my favorite episodes you guys did because it's real. It talks about the
stuff that the organization's won't talk about. Everyone knows, but no one's talking about and
that's what really attracted me to you guys, because you guys cover issues that other people don't
		

			cover it. I'll tell you one thing, brother. I've done so far, a bunch of episodes, but the one
podcast that we did that really got a lot of attention was Muslim *, Islam and intimacy. And we
usually when I post on my Facebook, I get a lot of likes. Oh, fantastic podcast. Isn't that when I
posted that one about intimacy? Oh, no one liked it. No one commented. It was really quiet. It was
so quiet like oh man, probably no one's listening to it. And then I go in and I'm just checking it
says 3967
		

			What is going on here?
		

			It tells me there's a lot of people who want to know about being a good wife.
		

			Being a good husband, especially when it comes to the romance side, especially when it comes to the
intimacy side within the boundaries of Islam. There's really no one providing this. So when I saw
romantic Muslim calm, I'm like, dude, these guys have a podcast and they're real. They're not hiding
it. And it was amazing. Like you're doing right now there's a lot of laughter. There's a lot of
light heartedness. It's not like a boring, it doesn't feel like you're even in our talk. It feels
like time goes by quick and very easily. I put my headphones on, I'm walking around. I'm laughing
like a maniac. And people think I'm just crazy. It's like, What song is that he's listening to you.
		

			I'm not a
		

			good man. I'm not just giving you a plug. But it's a solid, solid podcast, check it out.
		

			I really appreciate
		

			the listeners listening, I hope you guys will be inspired to start your own podcast. As you can see,
we don't have many Muslim podcasts out there. I just started in February 2015. And we're just
pioneers of Muslims doing podcasting. And we really need a lot more Muslims doing podcasting within
the boundaries of Islam doing real good content, not just doing nonsense. But as we do have a good
time we do laugh, but there are gems that you could take away from these episodes in Sharla. Start
below, I want to ask you to tell the audience what rekindle the flame is as well, because it's
something you guys have a program. So if you could quickly mention that for everybody as well. Yes,
		

			yes, I'm sorry. Yeah, we can have the flame is a two hour lecture that I conducted about maybe six
years ago. And the purpose of the seminar is to show you ways how you can bring passion, love and
excitement back into your marriage, you know, so I put it together after you know, my own
experience. I've been married now for over 22 years. I have nine children. So I know what I'm
talking about. You understand what I'm saying? So I
		

			definitely understand Yes, yes, I got married when I was 20 years old. My wife was 19. So Panama and
I'm 42 and I'm still married. So you can marry early Yes, I am. Okay. Okay. You still coming early
is still be in love and still have your business. So that's why we can flame is all about is
designed for those couples who love each other who want to rekindle or bring a spark back to the
marriage. It is not intended for those who are in toxic relationships who are on the verge of
divorce is not for you. Because I can say I can talk to him blue in the face and it won't help you.
It's for those couples who really want to bring the passion as far back into the American shot luck.
		

			Okay. And with that, I'd like to thank my guests below Strout for joining us today and for all the
listeners who've listened to this entire podcast from beginning to end Mashallah, you guys have been
here since day one. You know, we've done countless episodes and we're going to continue doing
episodes every single Friday. So come to Baba Ali show every Friday to check it out. Or you can just
use your iPhone, go to iTunes, subscribe, inshallah, you'll get it automatically straight to your
phone. I just like to thank everyone who's been listening to Dr. Hare Assalamu alaikum