2018 5 24 & 31 LMM at 8 pm – Full Chapter of Marriage & Divorce
Adnan Rajeh – Matn Abu Shuja #38
AI: Summary ©
The speakers emphasize the importance of finding the right person for a job, free life, and avoiding sex advice. They stress the need for practice, understanding, and personal development in finding the right person. The importance of equal pay, legal reasons for divorce, and men being more aware of their emotions in relationships is emphasized. The need for commitment to service and avoiding giving too much money to someone who is not working is also emphasized. The difficulty of marriage is highlighted, and men are urged to be more aware of their emotions.
AI: Summary ©
They're like, thinking of reefs in terms of like, what have you.
Okay, ask your question. Yeah. So what what is your
education you can say, in that aspect, like, what have you read? Oh, what I read. So what I did was, because I studied in Saudi Arabia for as a child, I was able to read two texts and method humbly. I see. And so I got to read Zeidan was stuck now. And I got to read the golden motorboat, which are very, very, very influential books in the madhhab.
So like in a Halacha, like this similar like this, a sheikh would be reciting the book and explaining and we would be sitting there taking notes or something like that. And I was pretty young at the time. But I was lucky to attend to those two, I was good. I took a number of other texts, in different not in focus. Specifically, they went to Syria, my email my two of my teachers, one of them was a Philippi Shafi very committed for the show if any other one was Hanafy. So I was able to read only two texts with each. And I continued in university to read another two texts and method HIV. So I read four texts, preliminary, secondary, tertiary, and then a large text, we went through
much more in six years like throat Yanique patches of time. And when I found myself doing that, I decided I was going to continue to do the same for the rest of them. At that time, I read four books, and each month, I had two and each had nothing in it for kinematic it, we had to go search out a scholar and for combat again, so I did medicate the last thing. The last thing that I got to study I studied later, because there was just no scholars available to go search them out and read my method of inertia and motorcycling. And we went through four books, to starting from preliminary moving up to to a fourth level or a resource book. So in every method, you want to do a preliminary
text, simple text, then a secondary text, which is usually an explanation to the preliminary texts, you want to do a tertiary text, which is a text that is considered a secondary Resource Manager. And then you want to read a resource may come out of a book like Mulvaney, for if you're gonna humbly we started with, like I told you just in that other amount of beer, they shall have zero cushy, and then after that, and then you go to the Maury Logan, he is the is the ultimate place to go. And you read that and when you've read that, you've read all that you need to read and see if you want to actually read all the books are filled with him, you need maybe five to six lifetimes, at least to
be able to read just one method. It's impossible the number of books that are written, you cannot read them all. There's no point in reading them all. It's all the same stuff. It's just worded differently or small. Like you have to read a whole book to maybe get three extra pieces of opinion. Read a book that's you know, 1700 pages for two pieces of opinion Ron De Luca, I'll come up with opinion on my own Yeah, he's it's too much work. So what you need to do is just four books per month. That's it, that's my that's what I did. And that's what I promote, you know, for books, preliminary, secondary, or tertiary was a secondary resource and then a an ultimate result from
them. And that way you've actually studied Yanni I must have in full so you know, everything you need to know about it. And I was lucky by different times of my life to study different books. And then I finally when I was older in my early 20s, I completed each method by reading any four books at all, and that way I feel much very, it's just very easy for me to to talk about them. I don't feel I don't feel lack of confidence. I know what I'm talking about, because they're you've studied a book into into detail, but they do take time. I spent a lot of time like
you don't have a degree. Yeah, to be honest with my degree. Didn't really do that. For me. It's it's side knowledge. I got the degree because it's important to have a degree today at least you need that to kind of certify yourself and validity and invalidate your ability to speak but it's really not the degree that gave me the knowledge it was it was
so I have a bachelor's degree four year degree in Islamic Studies from Jiminy Cricket. So Deepak Jain, Madam doorman, this Lani. And it's a four year bachelor's degree is a 73 subjects with a thesis at the end, and I started my master's. But I didn't complete my master's because of the war. But it didn't really do. It didn't really offer me the knowledge. It's the side. I built friendships in the university, six guys, we did a book club, we would take for example,
Daniel Hanafi, which is the resource in the 100 Thieves study that you don't need to know anything else. Now, if you didn't, if you could study that right now, I wouldn't tell you to study the first three books. But the thing is, you can't you start with that book is too hard. It's way too hard. Like are we reading I have no idea what he's saying. So you have to start with the preliminary text, secondary, tertiary, you're building your ability to understand your terminology and their lingo. And then when you read this book, you'll understand it. And that's all you really need, because it's the ultimate resource, but it's a huge book. It's 25 volumes. So I would take four volumes, I would
give a friend four volumes, and then we would do we would go for six months, you would read the volumes and take notes, take like three and then we would come and we would just binge study this thing for like a week we would go to our I had a friend to either house and cook
which is just outside of himself. And he had like two elderly parents, like extremely elderly parents, like they didn't even they weren't even here. Like they go to us, we could have known that no idea. And they had like an open room.
And we just go and sleep there for a week. And just study, everyone give, once we added, we added a guy to our group, because we were studying a big book, I think it was a movie, I'm not sure if it was the same book. But we gave him three volumes to read. And he came with like a paper and a page and a half of notes, you're gonna be like,
what do you do, like we each of us have like two notebooks full of notes, and you have like, a bit like oil allows you to take the books and study them and come back, though two months later to actually do it in the skill of taking notes and being able to explain the notes to the person in front of you. So I would explain my my part that I read, and then you would explain to me your part, it would take take, but you're winning colossal amounts of time, like you're winning so much everything and funny, like the right to study at 25 volume book is gonna take you only five, six years, but do it this way. And you can do it you can, you can actually fit it in within a year, like
six, six months of you studying the number of volumes you want. And then maybe a month and a half of you and your colleagues studying the book and explaining things and you're walking away with a lot of information because you're photocopying their notes, and you're taking your own notes, and you're building your own knowledge bases. So it's really makes a big difference. That's how we did a lot of my studies, a lot of my sins were based on that. And then we would take that when it Aloha, we would present it to an imam in the madhhab because Damascus was known for having a very large amount of scholars from different denominations of Islamic knowledge and different tutors go he was present.
And what we did is when he studied you did the scholars would be like, Danny, you're quite impressed with the effort because it was a big effort at the time. And he for us to be young and doing that. Not many people did it. But so you would you would certify us or validate what we learned. So I don't have certifications and all the books that I studied, but I do have in a good amount of them. Like I can certify in all preliminary texts of the form of that I have so I can give you a certification in Abuja and give you when it comes out, I can give you one in particular it is also handy if you can do that too. And then I can give you a method of inertia or Mufasa. Helene either,
both and I can give you something in an effort for somebody with a pillory. The higher books differ I have a lot in sci fi, I don't I'd have some some in high Nephi and maybe one in Hungary but I don't have a lot because it's it's hard to do like actually get a scholar to certify you in a big book. That usually requires a long period of time, if you just reciting to them. I didn't have all the time in the world to do it. Sometimes I would come and say like I read the book, I went to Adelaide, and he was saying, Oh, you have to come every day for the next six years. Like okay, so that was like
and then if I someone else was much more open, like a couple of sessions within a couple of months, I present him with my knowledge, he asked questions, we discuss the book, he feels like I know what I'm doing and he'll certify you to start teaching him. So that's how you should do it. I don't know, I can't tell you that everyone who studied Islamic knowledge has done that. I did it because my teachers were very
Jonnie
emphasized a lot of the importance of knowing of knowing all that can be known and to certify yourself and to actually
seek knowledge properly and I was lucky in that sense because this did that was guided by very very intelligent people. I was guided by a very very open mind intelligent people who wanted you to learn I need from from everyone and that would just fall in love Allah subhanaw taala and then I was just surrounded by good friends. I don't know where they are right now. It's funny like two of them were taken at the beginning of the
by the forces and I don't know if they're alive if they came out or not. And two of them are in Turkey where there was Germany and we were all over the place we have a little group that we talk anyway every once in a while but I just kind of go but we spent a lot of time kind of you should do that look for people are willing to to study with you because that's how you do it you can't study alone it's impossible. Here's read this book by yourself not gonna read it. How if someone was reading the second volume and you're gonna have to meet with him next month you'll read it because you're gonna look like a jackass if you sit there you haven't read your part of the book or you
don't know what about what it's about. So it's it really helps you to find a friend for followable LM friend to help you seek knowledge it helps you with the Quran so hard to work for the Quran and individual learning doesn't really work very much you kind of lose motivation and it works for any other type of knowledge seeking but you have to look for a group you have to build a tight for five guys and then you start looking for someone who has a new job and in a certain book, you guys take them you read it you can discuss it with him you get the knowledge that you need and you're in you're ready to it's not impossible we sometimes are made to feel that learning Islam in depth is an
impossible task like you cannot do it this way to it is not impossible. It's just like any other knowledge in the world you can do it you just have to you just have to be with the right people you have to spend the proper amount of time meaning there's a certain amount of time you have to spend it's not going to happen with it it's not like studying from university we can cram like your whole thing in too few nights and pass and end up oh, I passed this. You pass the subject but you were certified in the in the content.
Like remember we crammed for you prime before right? That's all you do? Probably like so if you cram before, so you pass your Yanni whatever. Give me an example of a now you've already met
So you pass the course but the question is, are you certified to teach the content inside of it? Okay, so that's where different Islamic knowledge and what we do today and Islamic knowledge it was certified to teach it, like you have multiple Quran and memorize the Quran, are you certified to teach the Quran know that you haven't really memorized the Quran Islamically. And you could have an agree that I memorize or hold on, someone signed it off for you, if you're not certified, to teach it like you don't know it well enough, you don't know that the G it and you don't know the the articulation and the pronunciation points and you don't know the actual sutras, you can't teach it
to someone else and actually benefit them, then you're not ready to use it's not considered. So it's more learning through competency. Instead of learning with,
with merely just a quarter, just a marker in a course or you know, it's actually learning through, you know, your material. And for me, that really went a long way. Like it helped me a lot. And we're like, always learning with competency. I'm trying to learn something, so I know it so I can explain it to you so you can understand it. If I don't know what that well, then I don't really know it. Then I just Yes, I passed the mark during the course I have a 60 or 70 or an 80 or 90, but I don't know how to teach and then I really didn't do anything. Did I answer your question in general? So I think that's what you should think about when you're all right.
Go ahead. Sign this whole thing. Okay. We'll see you go.
To general
I'm happy to, to offer the help and shoulder as we go along. It's not it's not as hard. I just need Shabaab on him. I just look for guys who have some money. I don't see I'm not seeing enough of it. Like there's no urge to learn. Like, that's that's the problem, like, learning is something that has to be self generated as it come from you. You have to really want to learn like you have to be I want to know this stuff. I want to be someone who's educated and intelligent and understands all of this. No one's going to tell me for me, I didn't want anyone to tell me what's hot and haram I knew was hot. And haram, you can't tell me because I was tired, sick and tired of telling me oh, this is
you can't do this. You can't do that. And I'm totally confused. Because I don't know, everyone's taught me something different. So like, I will know what's right and wrong. I'll tell you from now on or I don't want to tell you actually I just want to know for myself. And then after that you start building more and more intention of learning like yours is actually interesting, actually a lot to to benefit from and you just keep on going it hiney in terms of knowledge. They just don't see that him or him. He's an important part of of learning. Okay, so we'll start with bourbon Nikka
and Nico, who might be new. So if you type in Nika, can you turn on the lights for us tomorrow? All the lights
you tap on the guy, the chapter of marriage. Where's the fun? He's not here.
He's gonna miskeen he's gonna miss out on all the good stuff. Alright, so you'll enjoy this inshallah and Nika.
Giada himolla, Nika who must have been Lehmann yet do E Lee. Marriage is recommended. So it has a religious status. It's not just a thing that we do. It has a religious ruling. Religious rulings are either haram you can't do it. mcru shouldn't do it. MOBA no one cares. Monster hub is recommended. Or wajib you have to do it. So where does Nick awful for the chef Yeah, it's a monster hub for other scholars for other modality we'll talk about it being a bit higher like some of them will say it's Well Jim specifically in certain situations, but here's Mr. Hobby generally speaking, the maniac dad today for those who are in need of it. Meaning if you are a functioning physiologically functioning
male or female and you need marriage, then it is recommended that you that you get married and you get a job when you get married. And you don't get wizard you don't get sent for not getting married unless you make a mistake. Unless you fall in how long is it well, like? It was hard. Yeah, but you could have got married right it was recommended that you got married you got married and you didn't get married. That's your choice. And you have to live with the repercussions repercussions of that choice of now committing Zina last summer holla or committing a sin so that's something to think about whether you should hurry. And Yajima Lena alibi Hara era will be nothing attain. As I said,
we're gonna find a lot of rulings regarding slaves he had at the time, there were so many slaves, and there were rulings in Islam to maintain their dignity to make sure they had rights that are gonna have equal rights to everyone else because they're still slaves, they will have equal rights the moment they buy themselves out of slavery and they can live as as a free person, but they do have rights before Islam slaves had no rights at all mean they weren't considered human beings that were going to be given rights but it's not giving you gave them rulings and given the rights
and is acceptable is permissible for the holder for the free man to marry up to four free women. You're allowed to marry up to four women. For a slave you can marry up to two you can make up to four so almost even if most of the rulings in Islam is whatever is for the free man. A half is what is going to be considered for for someone who's a slave until they can get themselves out of slavery. Yes.
Through our good luck
No no Masha Allah Allah you can say
yes you can have them all of their I could I don't like more than one or two or three goats are looking for you so there's no you're not going to win. Thank you when we should we should edit that out and shall have your mind meter I did what I onkey hotel room I'm at an individual plane, and a free man should not marry a slave woman except with two conditions. I didn't move so dark and thorough. He does not have the dowry to pay for a free woman. Well hopefully Lynette and he is fearing falling into Xena Lynette which is Zina.
So Islamically speaking and this is not just for the Shafia Yeah, this is for the majority of the majority of Scholars is that a free man should look to marry a free woman. That's what you should be doing.
A woman also should yeah, yeah, exactly. So it works both ways. You should be looking to marry a free woman unless you can't, you're too poor to afford it. Or
you may make money soon, but you're scheming you're gonna fall fall into Zina. So you're gonna marry a woman doesn't have slavery. And this is to encourage people to free themselves out of slavery. Everything in Islam is either is closing the doors that lead to slavery, and encouraging people to free others and for slaves to free themselves to get out of slavery. So you can live a full life because it puts the system of getting out of slavery slam, put the system, because before there was no system, Jonnie, you could be a slave who has a million dollars, but you can't get out of slavery. Because no one wants to, they want to sell you that don't want to offer to you Islam forces you how
to do it. If you have the money and go to judging get yourself out of slavery. So you're encouraged to do so so that everyone's free. And that's how Islam basically got rid of slavery and most of the Islamic parts of the world, Janya and within the first 200 years of its existence, but still, a certain amount of these people existed for quite some time. This is saying of a person that didn't have the customary amount of that he could look towards. Yeah, yeah. And then does he still give
half of it? Right, so we'll come to that in a second, Julia. But yeah, he gets half of the motor to this lady. Okay. Well, all right, Julie, either.
And the land for a man to look at a woman there are seven different
situations. Now these are important to understand and understand that there's context to them, meaning that not everything we're going to read is agreed upon. Within all scholars, I disagree with certain points of it. But generally speaking is a nice way to look at it. He says when he heard the first one, nobody who either didn't get involved Raja is voodoo looked at a woman who is not maharam Deal. She's not Jana, your mother, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your nephew, your niece.
She's actually up to you, for no reason.
And this is talking about just staring. Just you just she looks good. And you just looking, following her looking at her. That is not Jason at the dean. If you're looking at Jimmy that has to be a hijack. So there has to be a reason meaning you're talking to her. You're conversing on a subject of importance, and you're visiting the families or visiting, and you're talking. But if you're sitting there and everyone's talking, just staring at this girl, right, just looking at he doesn't see me, that's how long he knows what he's talking about here in the mountains demo. So be mindful of that as a man that you shouldn't be looking at women for no reason. Now, if she's talking
to you look at her because you're talking. It's very rude. But we're not just sitting around, don't be staring at them. And we all know that. We tend to want to do that all the time. So be mindful of it fit within your own self. Are you looking like looking? Like all seven? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Talking about eyesight, so anyone who's blind doesn't have to read this at all. Which is true with Bernie Navarro, who he does get to MIT for him to look at his wife, whether a free free wife or MIT, which is a free, which is a slave way for either way. I mean, she's she's still asleep, she's awake, but she's still asleep for us. And Jung Bora either identified oh, gee, idol found German humor. It's your impermissible to look at her as much as you like, except for the photos, the photos, the joy, the genitalia. Now, that is not the prominent position for the Shafia today, or for any of them, by the way. So this is something this was the this was a stance for them back maybe 100,000
years ago, today, it doesn't stand for a different species of evidence that exist. And just for general jurisprudence, discussions that have happened that show really no reason for this to be there. But this was mostly This was mostly built on a hadith where he
really Allah Allah said, eight women whom, whenever I'm in the the prophets I never saw, I never looked at that part of me. I never looked at that part of him. But the hate itself lacks authenticity. And there are other pieces of evidence that suggest otherwise. And there's really no reason for you to Islamically to limit or restrict to Halal when there's really no restriction for it. So when you get married, you only go crazy do what you want. Like it's really up to you, what you but I will
warn you that what they say here is not just based on evidence also based on experience. Doing that all the time is not the best idea.
I mean, there are certain parts that aren't supposed to be exposed all the time. exposing them all the time can mess with your sexuality can mess with your understanding of sexuality and your any interest in it and the way that you deal with it. That's why we dress in the home, when you're married to your wife, you're not you, when you're alone, you're not sitting naked all the time, you're dressed while you dress, you don't have to be dressed. It's just, that's a better way to do it. If you're not dressed all the time, that actually it can mess with your understanding of things. So so do take, take what he said here, I'm the lady with some level of respect that he there's some
benefits in what they're saying. But generally speaking, this is not the prominent position for them now or for any of them element to him at this point, with fairly Nevado who either tema howdini, he met to heal moves over to FEMA, I don't think in his suit made a sort of routine, well, Raka, for him for you to look at your Muharram your mother or your daughter, your sister, your aunt, your niece, granddaughter, your grandmother, and there are sisters. But my team was Elijah or a slave, your slave that you own, who was married to another man, very juicy. Now, I mean, it's sort of up to you, then you can look at her as long as you're not seeing from the navel to the knee. Right. So
this is the shot for a position and it's a humbling position as well. And if you make a bit of a different look at this, we'll talk about that in shallow as we come to it, because it's too detailed. But when it comes to your mother, you're allowed to see the upper part of her body, you're not supposed to be looking at it. But it's not haram for you to see it. It's haram for you to be to see your mother from her navel to her to her knee. I know this doesn't really happen very often. But this is the outcome shot I hate that exists. I tend to
decide by the the opinion that's not in this book is it is one of the squad for the chef as one of the opinions of the chef area themselves and another and other texts and other motherhood as well. That for your Muharram it's from
it's not from the navel to the knee. It's from the chest down to the knee. So the bosom also being covered. And then you can look and talk and you can just stare like it's no problem because they are your Mahajan because you don't have any sexual
needs towards them. But I take the I tend to take that position to find that a bit more authentic. However, when it comes to your mother breastfeeding or your sister breastfeeding, that's I think where this becomes more applicable meaning that for you to see that it's not it's not a problem.
But say your mother is an OB GYN like you take care of. That's different. Now when you're when you're when you're a caregiver that changes the whole thing. The moment you see a caregiver, all this doesn't count anymore, your caregiver you do whatever you need to do to care for her. You take off all her clothes and bathe her and that's all fine. Like it's your mother. But we're talking about here. Generally speaking, that's not the case. What are you allowed to stare at? Because there's no here talking about doing Hajj, there's no necessity. I'm just sitting there. I just stare at my mom or stare at my sisters. Yeah, that's fine. As long as you're not looking at anything that
exposed from the knee to the navel, from the front, the navel to the knee, right. But when there's a need when there's a Hajah things change when there's a need for me to be looking here, whether it's medical was will come in a second like in this in the same text, we're talking about medicine, or is for caregiving, or is for any conversation or anything like that, then things change that the ruling change when there's a word need. Inside that same thing is for prayer. For example, if moving without need, prayer can ruin your prayer free movements, when there's a necessity, like your phone goes off. Whatever movements you need to turn it off because it's you're moving with purpose for the
three movements that for the short movements is okay as long as you're consistent. Yeah. But when they said that they were talking about movement that was purposeless.
And you're saying when trying to differentiate? Yeah, all of them. When they when they gave these rulings, they were talking about purposeless movements This was later on continued to even purposeful movements. When you look at the actual text like the actual pneus of what you might have missed it or why even said it was talking about purposeless movements meaning purposeless, they mean like scratching your nose or fixing up your job. But when there's a purposeful movement things crossover use carrying a baby so that's there you go so so he dropped the baby the lineal dying and either you're killing it or if you're if you need to move out of the way because like a car is
coming. So a purposeful movement. There's much more flexibility in terms of things that are purposeful. And the same thing goes here in terms of your eyesight, when it's purposeful is different when there's actual goal that you know what it is like it's not just because when there's no goal, that's what a client comes in, he starts to give you goals. I give you things to think about when you're looking at something that's
not purposeful, like what is necessity because you can you can, you'll live like you won't, you'll make it so you don't have to do it. But for example, your phone goes off, you're distracting everyone in the masjid. No, you should turn it off immediately and take as many movements as you need to do that. Okay, well why Barrow and Navarro virginica for us we delivered you you will caffeine and the fourth is looking at a woman with the intention of marrying her. The intention is I want to marry this person. So I want to look at her so you can
Look at the face and, and the hands, how there might have made permissible, a bit more things the feet here, some of them I've made that acceptable meaning you will find difference of opinion here. They are very strict on this. It's just the face and the hands. So if you're sitting and you're thinking about marrying someone, so you can look at her for no reason, again, just talked about looking, no reason at all, you're staring. But if the point of this is I'm trying, I want to marry her. So I want to actually look at her features to see if there's something that I
am going to enjoy and I find her attractive or not, and that's fine prophets. I said I'm actually told would tell the Sahaba
I think it was it was yes or
no, no, it wasn't No, I think he's one who isn't or anything but Hadith. I forgotten them. Subhan Allah, but he said that a man came and said you don't so Allah I have difficulty with with Lady of sorrow from the onslaught, and he was a guy from from Mecca. Definitely wasn't Saudi anyway. But the Saudi so I told her, I told him, and I thought that you know, yeah, have you looked at it, and this is, this hadith is a Muslim, if you looked at her for quite Allah, but it had fumble really have in the VI unit on Saudi Shia, go look at her because there is something there's something about the eyes of the onslaught, they're different than us. Look at our CV, find our track record, you may not
find her attractive. So the moment I looked at her, I said, I'm good to see you continue. But he was commanded to go look, go see, go make sure that you you're okay with the way she looks. Because that's an important part from a deformity that it's not. So be patient will come in a second show, it's a part of the you'll talk about that specifically, specifically that point will haunt me. So the fifth, another rule in Moodle, to look for the purpose of healing or for caregiving for a while there allottee to really take a look at whatever you need to look at whatever is needed at that time you look at a business based on necessity, and on purposefulness. So Dr. Ken Jonnie ladies having
giving birth, the doctor, the male doctor can look at whatever he needs to look to make sure that the baby comes out
easily and and the woman doesn't bleed out or die. That's fine. So there's nothing haram about that. That is something that all agree upon, with no difference of opinion almost at all. The only difference of opinion exists for May scholars who say Men shouldn't become gynecologists, or obstetricians, I get people who work with. And that's a different story. I don't I don't I don't agree with that either. I personally wouldn't ever do it. But I don't think that's the rule of thumb. We're certainly another wish that he held in Guatemala, for us in Nevada. He has if you're being a witness on Nikka, horror witness, and you get to you have to look at the face like you're
witnessing a marriage. Who's whose marriage? am I witnessing this man? And this woman? Where's the woman? Oh, she's inside, what can I know who the woman is I'm witnessing something as you get to look at her as it makes sense. It's illegal. Any testimony was sad. And nobody ill MIT and WTI have used Weldon in the theater, you will definitely be happy. And this is of course, a very difficult one to talk about. The third assignment is to look at a if you're buying a slave lady, then you'll get to look at her before you buy her. That was back in the day, when you could buy human beings as before anything's changed hamdulillah drastically in the right direction,
to a certain extent in the right direction. So you're allowed to look at whatever you need to look at from her in order to know who she is. And if he's healthy enough for you to know what you're getting at. Is it still permissible to buy slaves? Or
you could find you know what I mean, like, the point of it is that it allows you to look at somebody who's gonna violent, I mean, it's okay to buy. Yeah, so So that's not what this is what we misunderstand, we read these things. This is not premising Buying or selling slaves. This is saying this was the norm of the time is what was happening, right? We have to deal with the social systems that existed in our existence in times that we live in. So this was a social system, this is what was happening. He's going to be bought one way or the other, be bought by a Muslim is better off because she'll get rights. And she probably will get some points or freedom. She's bought by someone
else. She might she might not got any of that. So we're not saying oh, we encourage buying and selling of slaves. No, that was what happening. And these are the rulings regarding what happening the same thing. If we have rulings regarding mortgages of riba we're not encouraging. It's just these are the things that we have, these are the rulings regarding how to deal with them. We're not necessarily encouraging you to do this as just this is the norm of the time that we have. Okay. So.
So in the second one, it says
so, so after he buys her, and then he can, if he wants to, if he if he does Dakka Dakka run with her. So I want to hear if he married her, like if he if he gets into the contract of marriage with her, because she may get into a contract of marriage or someone else. So basically, that's saying the definition for both. Yeah, so for the first one, it is a milk Emini, and here is just a general. So when you have a slave, you could either marry her or you can or she can marry someone else and you can be ready for her and you can be the person who marries her off. So it's a very unique
relationship
with a
So, afternoon Nika Hey, it'll be well Ian Washa he the idol. And there is not a valid it's not a valid
contract of marriage. Unless there's a really there's someone who was marrying off the lady like a male. I wish I had I didn't and two
and two witnesses. I didn't I mean, they have to be people of certain ethical caliber, they have to have certain status in society for them to be to qualify for them. So the for the FEMA that have all seen that Willie to be a rockin akan Anika, I mean one of the
conditions for any car to be proper for the femur that had been Shafi and Maliki and the 100 meter, you need a Willie, you need someone need to be there on behalf of the lady that had if you don't see that specifically, which makes it much easier to follow that Hanafy ruling in terms of marriage in these kinds of countries, where people were family ties are almost Jonnie,
always severed and not and just not so. So that is like a permissibility that you'll find for the honeybees only for the woman that was already married once the honeybees see it also for a bigger body of law that is old enough to take care of herself. Like she's nobody she just needs to to be I just need to witness it. So we'll talk about that. Joe, when we say the Hanafi madhhab. Specifically, that will be a part that will focus on because it's very unique to them. But the majority you need to what either lady needs only the one he isn't there to to
put obstacles in the marriage. He is there to make sure that the other man knows that she has family she has someone behind her. Like he's not just marrying a woman who has no roots and has no no she has family he's speaking to a man regarding the marriage like you're shaking this man's head that you will take care of her you will be a good husband you'd be so you're giving a word to someone's here this makes men feel a bit more obligated to to do right or to do to be proper to their wives. And it kind of makes the woman feel more supported that she or her family is there to marry her off.
Let's finish reading this and there's a few things we'll talk about that are important. We have debated on whether you were Shaheed elicit petition or there are six conditions for the Willie and the two witnesses that they have to fulfill. Number one is you have to be Muslims. Number two The out of blue without to be any mature of age without God you have to be seen to be adopted be free, a slave can't do this with the color they have to be manual or they have to be ethically respected mean they have to have a certain ethical stance within the Oryza position or situation in society. No lie of duck Iranica was the miyetti Allah Islam illegally. However, when you're marrying a lady
who's from a new Kitab you're marrying a Jewish or Christian practicing lady then the willie of her doesn't have to be a Muslim obviously because her parents are probably not Muslim. So she it can be her father is not a Muslim with Annika
identity say, Ed, and when you're marrying a slave, you don't need her Willie to be someone who's respected. Because, you know, he could be someone who's not and that's gonna, you don't want to be the reason that this lady never gets married in her life, even if she's a slave. So this is important. I mean, the Willie,
the father of the whiskey is the father of the lady. One of the six conditions and these are all women that had to accept
that we'll come to that a minute.
So because generally it's the father's could keep this the concept is inshallah made clear that there are six conditions that they have to fulfill one of them is I Dolla dolla means that he has to be someone who is ethically respected within the society. And this is someone who was known to be a drunk, or an abuser, or someone who lies or cheats, he can be a weenie. And that if that condition alone was observed, that a lot of the marriages were leaves are forced into bad marriage, it wouldn't happen, because who forces his daughter into horrible marriages except someone who was very Janya low within the community, he doesn't even qualify to be a wedding in the first place. So it's
actually moved to someone else. And that's why we're old Gulati and to prioritize those who can be ready to do a given lady individual is, first of all, the Father Father is not there, or the father doesn't qualify by not fulfilling one of the six conditions. He's not a Muslim, for example. He's not he's not saying he's not free. He's not either. He's not someone who has that respect in society. He's not someone known to be any ethically impeccable and respected. Then he move it to the to the his father, meaning the paternal grandfather. Male, yeah.
Willie, and for the Shahidi I did witness who is the one you're gonna you're gonna have to instead of the one difference of opinion even today, like even but it's just better just stick to the
do maths and it's just better.
A hole in the wall and then a full brother if those two guys aren't around, or they don't qualify them
Then the paternal brother from Lebanon, will own than the
full nephew from Lebanon, and then the paternal nephew and it's almost the same Asaba remember that same thing about some almost exactly the same to Milan minion, the uncle from revenue, who and then his son with the cousin, I had a 13 in that sequence specifically, pray that God allows us to and if there's none of these guidelines also button these universal inheritors who can do this, but then look for the slave owner of that family who only who granted them freedom if he's available if this family had sleep savory in it at some point, so mouse about you. And then all those are related to him. If he's not around, someone will hack him if none of that is so you've come from a family that
didn't have slavery. And the lady doesn't have a father doesn't have a grandfather doesn't have
a full brother doesn't have a paternal brother doesn't have a full
nephew doesn't have a paternal nephew doesn't have an uncle or a cousin. Then it goes to the hacking from Mahakam, then the ruler or the judge can do it. So if a lady is living here, and there's no one there's no way she can go to a judge and judge can marry her off. Right. So that's that happens a lot, by the way more than you think. Yeah, court can do it. They do it all the time. Without us and you will suddenly be helped by T Martin that in there is not permissible for you to verbalize and formally express that you want to marry a lady who's in her I mean a lady who is in that period after she gets divorced or after her husband passes away where she shouldn't marry you shouldn't you
shouldn't verbalize or make it formal where you and your ideal Bala but you can hint to it. Is it permissible for you to make a hint that you are interested in this person during that period but you can't initiate any form of marriage or engagement during that time? Specifically? Yes for a month and 10 days and and fill out that portal for the lady who's
who's divorced She's three cycles over a menstrual period.
I mean, talking about money, but to we need what would he do? Ambition or just being
so we'll come to that in a moment Shall we on key
key haha.
He can hint to marrying a lady in that period and then you can marry her after her
is done.
Okay, when you sell Albanian there are two
types of ladies in terms of marriage. For you that didn't work out those who are married before, and those who are not married yet have never been married before. Because your Jews will be well jet de Jiabao, Rohan and Nika. It is permissible for the vicar for the father, or the grandfather specifically to marry her off even if she's not okay with it. And this is the Shafi, Maliki and humbly position i Neva, the Hanafi. And,
and a number of the who don't side by this at all. And today, even the mother had got so the Shafia yet today don't side with this today. So this was the prominent position for the first maybe 700 years for those females. And then even today, even the anatomy that today and in Idukki. Today, they don't side with this position. Well, why was it acceptable to begin with? You want to say something? Wasn't there? I mentioned that hurt. Yes. Yes, yes. Violence circumstances. Oyster? Yep. Yeah. And they will take that, as
they will take that as recommendations. They didn't. So that's how they That's why That's why today this is all changed because of the clear cut evidence that they actually went against what the Prophet was taught. The way they do it. What was the reason? Well, the reason was very simple. It is an heard him that a father would marry his his vicar daughter is
an unwanted daughter, to someone that he didn't trust was going to take care of her meaning fathers are the people were going to look out for their daughters the most for their best interest. So they didn't feel that this was going to jeopardize or compromise the well being of daughters because who is doing it? It's the father who's going to care for for this more this person more than her own father, right. So that was the idea behind it. Now, throughout history that proved not to be the case at all, that a lot of fathers and grandfathers don't mind marrying off their daughters just to make their own personal gain or financial gain, not caring about those people at all.
And this was we
reconsidered and then of course, like he brother Emanuel said the prophets Allah
said word for word Hadith narrated by Imam Muslim animal I think you will have to be enough see how I mean when he met pre married woman or woman would mean for she can do whatever he wants with herself that way he doesn't have to be a part of this at all will be true. Yes to start a model, or even warehouse will matter to her or similar to her. And the bigger ones may she has to be asked if he's okay with it. And then is either her seeing it
or being quite in bashfulness? Meaning she feels ashamed to say that yes, I'm happy about it
just out of uni
back, then that's how it was. Or she can say that, yes, I want to marry him. So there's actual clear evidence that that was the case. But for me, the theme of that, for the longest time, didn't see that especially, it's only for the father and the grandfather like other other well, you can do your brother brother can do it. Your uncle your auntie they can do is just the father and the grandfather specifically, because it was seen that the father and grandfather have the best interest of this girl in their minds to 100%. So if they think this guy is the right guy to marry, and she may be too young to see it right now, but you'll see it later. That's a different time to summarize that the
son of Demeter medic year was shot, but you will have yet to be allowed. Yeah. And then those who rejected with 100 views, I was at a leader about it. He is shot, but yeah, yeah, exactly. So all the latest with that. And right now there's not I don't know, I'm not aware of a scholar that's alive today that will side by this anymore. I don't know, maybe maybe there is but I don't know who's certified within his methods to get federal law. Okay. I'm telling you the reason behind the reason, but I think because it was trusted that the father I mean, I have a daughter, Jani. She's the most important thing to me in my life. 100% Jani, I'm definitely not gonna marry her to someone's gonna
mistreat her under present that nothing to do that. So I know best what I was, I know what's best for her. So if we make a choice for her, I'm definitely making a choice that's in her best interest. And that's why they allowed this at a certain time. Now, in terms of what does he do, the way he does is that he,
he just facilitates the marriage, and rejects the man if he sees good reason for it. So that's what the what he does. So he facilitates this marriage, me in terms of a he is the person who the young man comes to, and he's the guy who asks his daughter, and he helps negotiate the contract, if there's any conditions that she wants, or he wants for his daughter. And he gets to reject the guy, if he feels the guy is not
the proper, maybe he feels like his ethics aren't there, he's Dean isn't there, he's not at the same social status, meaning he won't be able to
treat her the way that she's used to be treated. Like if you're getting somewhere. So you're the father, and a guy comes asking for your daughter. Now he has money, and he prays in the masjid, but you know, this family, how they treat women, you know, that they're very, you don't know how they treat them. And you don't know how you don't like how his dad and how his family speak to their own wives, you know, like how, like how they view women in their family, you know, that maybe a few brothers and only have tend to hit women or they have that as something that they don't see as a big deal in their family, that you get to reject this, it's like, I don't think you're I don't think
you're a couple. I don't think you're an equivalent social equivalent to my daughter. Not that we're better than you were just from different demographics, which is very different. An important aspect of marriage is not just that we're equivalent financially, meaning we come from similar backgrounds we can, I can take care of you financially, and ethnically and religiously, we're similar in that we're attracted to one another, there's also the social equivalent, which is called Kapha. That's a different thing. This has nothing to do with me better being better than you or your baby being better than me. Based on your cultural background, there are certain things that you enjoy, and
you're used to and you're accustomed to, and you expect that other cultures don't that don't have that. And these different small differences can cause a lot of strains in marriage and can make marriage very different. When you marry outside of your cultural background. We ready be ready for a very rocky journey right? It's gonna be very difficult to find a lot of it will be a struggle in terms of how you're going to go through it because you guys have such different expectations. You come home at four o'clock you're
just you're expecting to eat and she's like no, I wait for you to come to We cook together.
Are you right or is she right? Who's right?
No one's right really, is to know no right and wrong here. Just whatever you're used to whatever you're accustomed to. Now she's accustomed to one thing and customs something else. If there's not clear understand you guys can it can be really, really difficult to get away. That's why the lady is there to see all these things that the lady who say no, I like him. He's Hello, Korean. He has all the right stuff. She'll miss that. And then he'll say no, no, she's not. He's not gonna He's not right for you. He's alright. So he gets to reject this, you get to appeal, he actually gets to appeal. She gets to appeal. And if you can't, if the father can't prove his point that that guy is
not right can give a clear explanation of why then he is removed, his idol is removed and then the grandfather can marry her. Or it's not the grandfather, the brother or anything so on. And she can go to the judge at the end. If her family is rejecting this guy for no reason. And sometimes he's rejected for his color.
Right? He's, he's dark skinned, and they're not and they don't like dark skinned people. They're just bluntly racist. And when you ask the Father, He says, I don't marry Danny to someone who looks like that. Is that acceptable reason? No, so she can appeal that.
That's the beauty of the hunter
Mmm did she doesn't need to. She doesn't need a wedding. She'll bring one. He doesn't need one just marry herself to
your parents. Well, it comes to that like explaining. Does he have an argument that is proper? Yeah. Like the parents say, okay, he's like, No, that's not a that's not a proper Jani reasoning. Like, if I were to tell my daughter the reason I'm not getting married because I know that he'll beat you. I know, I've seen him get angry. I've seen his temper, and I know what he's got his family and he will hurt you will hurt you. So no, I'm not gonna marry you to him. That's a good, that's a strong, valid argument. But I'm like, Oh, he's really dark skinned, and I don't want my grandchildren to be any certain color. That is a completely unacceptable argument. And then that can be refuted almost
immediately. And then you can move on to another way.
So the valley
recommended, but you don't but you don't need it. But then isn't like,
there to be like, Yeah, 100%. But then what did that go like? Well, you're not getting your parents. No, no, they don't get so but anyway, that has nothing to do with your choices in life. That to do all to do with your choices regarding them in life and their choices in life. Like your beautiful what you take is to make sure that they're not hungry. They're not cold, they're not homeless. They're not sick without you attend tending to their to their wounds. That's what you're better at is what you study.
Where you live, what car you know, you're none of their business. There's no bit of there, they can tell you all I had to ask if you unless you live in London, no, I can live wherever I want to live, depending on where I get a job. But I will always support you like my bed is regarding their wellbeing not regarding your life choices. Unless you make a life choice that is haram. Right then then it changes like they can they can use it if you're going to say I'm not gonna pray anymore. Or I'm gonna marry someone who's not a Muslim or not Ankita having to marry someone who's Yanni from a different then yeah, then you can you can hold them to that.
But generally speaking, you like someone, you want to marry a lady. She has all the right stuff and your dad looks at her and your mother like I don't like her.
Like if you don't if you marry her, I won't speak to you. Yeah, but why? Heck, I just I don't like her why? I just don't like her. Now, why was the reason I'm telling you, she She's She has good religion. She has a nice family. She's, you know,
what's wrong with her? And I'll and I'll listen? No, I just don't like them. It's personal, meaning she's serving her personal agenda. Your mother doesn't like her mother, they always don't like each other. And she's gonna hang on you punish that lady by not letting her marry the girl. No, you can do what you want, then. But you have to think about the consequences of doing that. It's not about better now. It's about social consequences. You marry a lady that your mother hates. Good luck. That's all I'm gonna say. Just good luck, okay. With the evil lair Jews with as we do her in law, who is anyhow, as far as if you don't, you cannot marry her off unless she is.
Unless it sir.
She is informed and it is her decision. Like he has to get permission for this to actually happen. And that's for all forms. So it was just the issue for this. If she was unmarried, she's young, but the father or the grandfather, for the early sheffey.
Maliki will allow him to marry her without asking her off. And this happened a lot and there was really no problems for it. The way the custom for is pretty simple. I'll give an example just to explain this point that because the Father will tell the daughter she's sitting there she's 18. Married? Well, if hula and Asia today asking for you. And I accepted. Right? I accepted to marry she's she's asked to giggle and she's all happy because he's like, whatever you want. But whatever you say is I'm good with it if you're okay with it, because that's the type of family that exists. And she's all excited about getting married and her father chose someone good for and you're saying
the idea here. It works for the for the for the male as well used to happen all the time, the same family, Man will come and say well, they have done today I went and I saw a bindable flan for you. And I liked her and
I initiated engagement, and the guys all 100 I'm gonna get married. So it's just how social systems worked. So when this social system worked, it was fine. And then the social system completely collapsed in the last few 100 years. So with all the change the ruling because the fact that this didn't work anymore, it wasn't it became more of a human rights issue and then it was a family oriented decision anyways. Okay.
Well, it could be always a men, always men, it can be women. In some situations. It can be a grandmother or mother if you've no one else is found and if she is the matriarch, he is the leader of the family. It is possible, but it's it's not it's not custom. Okay, when we'll run out to Ben Nasi out of the I shall, there are 14 ladies that you cannot marry at any point. Number Southbourne Vanessa
Seven based on any lineage or heritage or any relation number one wanna learn more and I let the mother and just keep on going up grandmother great grandmother's well being too we're in sefirat and then the daughter and just keep on going granddaughter good gunner. Well, don't and then the sister will holla to the maternal aunt. Well I'm mature they'd be maternal and we've been to Lucky women to look and then nieces on both their paternal nice and material nice. I don't know if that's proper but Yanni, the sibling, the nieces. So the seventh with Natalia about Ebola and two types of women you can't marry based on the breastfeeding and we'll talk about that in shallow breastfeeding more
deep deeper later on, we'll model the eye so your mother who breastfed you a certain amount at a certain age, we do not have a law and you have a sister who you and her are breastfed by the same lady whether it's your mother, her mother or some other lady. So you guys become siblings and you cannot marry rulings regarding that change. I mean, you cannot stare at her or look at her like you do. But you can't marry her so you have to treat her like an engineer but you can't to marry her
you can't you can't marry her. Yeah, you can't marry her Yeah, but you can you can you can be a mom to her for hire stuff like that. But they're just different. We'll talk about that in shall come time for it.
Yeah, and then it will just give me a second. We'll see in a minute. We're out about and then we'll saw Hara and four based on marriage it becomes hot on boom was Zoda the mother of your wife you can never never marry her. Well Robbie, but to either dolla Bill home and if you marry a lady you cannot marry any any of her daughters that aren't from you, like marry ladies, your daughters. You cannot marry those others when you marry the lady. You've actually consummated the marriage.
And your father's wife you can never you marry her was even and your son's wife. So these four you can never marry based on marriage like this. led to this was a previous marriage. Well, I hate the tournament jihad to Germany and one from the perspective of of gathering marry more than one lady. Well, he does though. You cannot marry the sister of your wife with you're still married to her sister. You can marry two sisters. So I married this lady. I can marry three others. I just can't marry her sister. Well, now Yajima been at it while I'm Mattia and I can't marry her aunts either. So I've made this lady. I can't marry her sisters and I can't marry her aunts either. At the same
time, I can't have them at the same time as my wives when I made to quality her maternal and so again, if I'm divorced, or I can marry her sister or her aunt or but I cannot marry. If I'm married to her I cannot marry her sister at the same time or her paternal or maternal aunt at the same time. We will move me out of law email. Yeah. Romo. Mina, nessa B. And what if you whoever is haram for you to marry through breastfeeding?
is same thing will apply to her that applies to next up. So if I can't marry this lady, because my sister in law, I can't marry any of her descendants.
I can't marry her daughter's.
Done understood. So I can't read this lady. I need because she's my mother and Obi I can't marry her sisters. And so this changes the whole dynamic altogether. So we got home and Obi Romo mean unnecessary? Does that answer your question? Because that okay.
Now, we'll just read this one that will stop. What do I do in order to become satirical? There are five
are you five deformities, that if are you discover on the night of marriage mean they weren't disclosed to you? And they were hidden and concealed and were disclosed to you? You can this marriage can be an old like, you're gonna know the marriage build, you know, and if she's insane, she turns out to be like crazy, like, mentally, extremely mentally ill like extremely mentally with a very clear diagnosis of schizophrenia, or bipolar or something very, very clear that has to be disclosed and determined that she has this or if she's mentally challenged, but you know, you the way that you got married, but you didn't talk much. You just sat there. You looked at her. She
smiled at you you smother her. You thought she was saying the new marriage changes to no no, no, she is she she's not there. No one told you about that. And if you'd told you about that, you're happy with it. Good for you. But if you have not then you you can know the marriage. Well, Danny oil Barassi or Rottie Well, Karani and these are all
diseases that the words for diseases that existed at the time. So to them is is a skin disease that is concealed. But also is a skin disease that is based on cook discoloration of the skin
is for her not for there not to be a place for you to actually consummate the marriage. Maybe she doesn't have a full genitalia, as a woman will currently
the same thing. It's just a different type of column of the same thing. Basically, these aren't important. What's important is if there's a concealed this is what they
We do if there's a concealed deformity within the body, that would affect the man's ability to have children to have * or affect his attractiveness to the lady this has to be disclosed from her because this affects how the image will work. Well, you what I do Roger, we consider you when the man or she can also another marriage, if she finds five deformities in the men will junonia vision scene or if he is extremely mentally ill will do them the same thing. skin disease, what about also same thing? Well jump be well on jump if he doesn't have genitalia, like it turns out, he doesn't have anything down there, or it's not chopped off or something like that. Well, meaning he
has no need for women. You just got married for the
because people told him you could get married. He doesn't want to keep on having this conversation with people every day. So he got married to this lady. He's like, look, I have no interest in you at all. You just have no attraction to her. These are things that are today more
important to talk about than before. Because yeah, there's men who have homosexual tendencies. And they don't want to practice homosexuality because it was haram. But they also have to answer that question. Why aren't you married? Now? You're 26 and 29 and 32. And you're 50? Why are you married? So you just marry so he doesn't have to do this all together? That's not That's not probably have to disclose that to the to the woman that you don't have a sexual attraction. Anyway, there's physiological or psychological, you have to disclose that or the woman can ask to know the marriage. Yeah. And we'll talk about that a bit more inshallah next time, so I'm gonna come to Canada in this
week. So Elijah Muhammad Ali.
Hamdulillah, Daniela masala selling Mubarak. And so you didn't want to be you know, have you been on Muhammad? Ali? He also Have you ever made a bad? So we're still in kitab. And Nica, talking about marriage and everything that is associated with marriage. This is a very important chapter within within the book. There are a lot of difference of opinions regarding certain things. When we come to talk today we'll start talking about divorce a bit. Divorce is going to be very difficult because there's so many differences of opinions of divorce, I will pick and choose what I'm going to talk about comparatively and, and other things I'll just leave as is I'll just tell you what I think is
the best way to do it. And we'll just leave it until we talked about a different because other material Mattoon will be easier, the earlier parts will be easier because we do a lot of comparative there. And then we can do comparative when we're doing like the humbly method we're Hanafy we can do comparative and within we don't have to all the comparative in the Shafi which will take us literally forever to finish. So we start today with talking about the dowry or Maha we used to have we hold the Imam
to smear to marry even Nika. And it is recommended that you specify what the Mahara is or how much it is when on the contract of marriage, it is recommended for Illa Musa but if it's not a specified or HELOC, and the actual marriage contract is proper is valid. It's not invalid because you didn't
specify the amount of the dowry.
Well, we've allotted to share and the amount becomes wajib. With feet when everything's happening, and you have Wilbur who's owed you Island FC for the man to say I am now obligated obligated to pay you this much, meaning gives it an amount and he obligates himself, it becomes a word, oh, you'll feel the whole Hakim or for the judge
to specify it or to make it obligatory. Oh, we had to call it behalf or for you to consummate the marriage. So you guys go into your home and you'll live together you'll sleep together Then from that moment on the Moto. G boumalne. Will Miss Li and Mr. And Mrs. This is a very important phrase mahalo was missing, you'll hear a lot and because of so every part of the world there is a norm for Mahara.
I remember when my wife when I got married to my wife, the amount of mil method was around 100,000 euro, which is what was it?
Maybe $2,000 or less than that, something like that. So it's pretty small amount.
That was the amount of the method. So we you can either you can either give, give her more or give her less. But if you don't give a number, then you're going to pay him out in the middle. Right if you don't give him a specified number, then what she is owed is the amount of the norm of the place and time that she is living in you'll be what is the average of mode in this place is the average what usually people get it usually the girls are taking, that's what you owe her. So if you don't specify them out of the awkwardness to the marriage contract is still valid, but you're all hormonal Mithun mountain method and it becomes obligatory once you obligate it upon yourself or the judge. It
obligates you meaning he signs the contract or you actually marry her you guys live together then you owe her 100 All right. When he said he sadati well I actually had done and there is no limit for how little of them out it can be or how much them how it can be. It can be anything at all. Now we are recommended not to make it too expensive. That is the recommended thing within our within Islam, but it's not problematic if someone only specifies upon himself $2 million for his wife. That's his choice.
I mean, the problem becomes when we raise the bar for marriage in general, and that ruins societies and it ruins communities, when you start making them out higher than what the average Muslim Jonnie young man can can afford, now within his life,
have to be monetary value, no, we're used to, and yet is a wotja item, in fact, in my Luma, and is permissible for a man to marry a woman based on a man far based on an act of service. So it can be based on a service, it can be a thing, an asset, or it could be a service doesn't have to be money, but this mostly, so for example, the man who married during the time of the prophets of Allah Islam, he married a lady with the service of teaching her a certain amount of the Quran that he had learned that she did not have. So the amount of words that he was obligated to teach her that amount, so you're gonna make sure that she knew it. So this woman file, or it could be, it could be any service
of any sort, whatever you guys agree to, basically, or it could be an acid, no, Muhammad is this you know, car or that house, or it's all good. So it could be a monetary value, it could be a service. And a service is acceptable in marriages, as well, as long as both parties are okay with it, whatever. But there has to be, there has to be some dollar, some amount of data, it has to be some service, or I said that the man is going to offer the wife as a gesture of respect, or the gesture of commitment, we, we feel pain in our pockets as men. That's where we feel the pain. So once you put us to pay or to offer an asset, or offer a service, that's where we show commitment to things.
And that's the that's the concept and it's also a handy as a gift. If the lady feels very, it feels valued by you're not buying her like any obviously, that's not what was happening. I didn't is a gift offer training to the parents should not take any of it at all. You don't offer the father any money, and the Father is asking for money. And you should report that to the elders in the community to go and see what that's about. Because the father should not be taking anything from the husband at all. Do you find that in certain parts of the world like I've seen that more than once? When I school to pull out the tablet, the Hooghly be useful now, if you divorce your wife before you
actually consummate the marriage. So you wrote your marriage marriage contract, and you guys are gonna stay engaged until maybe the end of the year that's really gonna get married. So in that period before you actually sleep with her if you don't, if you divorce her you owe her half them hope you're half them out. Now the murder today is divided into something called macadam and walk or you heard that before? Yeah, Annie? Was it in English? Is there any wording for it like early payment or on the spot payment? Payment? Yeah, so condom usually means she's gonna get it from you before you guys enter Yanni your home, your marriage and marital home and walk out it means that you
will pay her this later on in life. Now, it's important to understand the following, that you owe her them her whether you divorce her or not.
You're married to her. So you owe her the full amount of money, you'll find this and in my marriage contracts written, you'll find a demo like this will be written like this in Arabic, and a huddle.
And here, they'll put maybe
$2,000 and hear it here. It's yeah, like they'll put like, you know, fourth $40,000. Now the poor man doesn't understand that he owes her $42,000 in his life. He owes her that money. That's her right? That's her God given right. So you pay her this now, but this is going to be paid within your life. And if you don't pay it, it's considered a debt and it's taken out of your inheritance for your wife before anyone touches the inheritance.
You owe her this and you should pay her during your life. Her mode, you could say well, I have gifted her soul when he things I bought her clothes. No, no, no, my heart has to be specified that this is my her and it cannot be a substitution of a monthly of the monthly payment that she you owe her in terms of of food and clothing. And because you owe your wife Navajo you owe her a certain amount of money every month for herself if she's not working, and she's taking care of the money, the family, the kids you over a certain amount of money. It's called nothing. It's a percentage of what you make. It's not a certain design a fixed amount, this percentage of what you make. Now it
can't be seen as a part of them out
and aren't asking you you're going to be putting away money to pay her this. So don't write crazy big numbers at the end. Don't do that. And if you do make sure that when you're giving your wife you know, gifts or something like that, that you say this is a part of the model. So you don't end up I met a man came in.
Young guy almost had a heart attack. She said I just gave her a $35,000 car. I didn't tell her was motor. He's like, I have like my money. I this is I owe her like, you know, 25 or $30,000 You're gonna be pulling his hair out of his hand like okay, then go tell her. Tell her I want this to be my home and see if she's okay with that. And he didn't she says Okay, so that's because you have to pay her motor. A lot of men say Oh, she'll forgive me.
No, I am very very heavily against the concept of a lady forgiving her without
carrying the money in her hands first, meaning she can forgive you in her motor, but make sure that you put the 40k in her hands first. And then she can forgive you, I guarantee you that 101% of all women who I take their money will not return the full amount 100% of them will not return the full amount, they'll return a certain amount of it. Like if they want to, if they want to forgive you give them the free 40k And a little bit back in forgiveness. I guarantee you she'll give 38 or 37 or 35 She will not give 40 back it's her right it's her God given right don't take away her right by the payout with Yanni shaming her or making her feel embarrassed because you know we're living
together you owe her this you shouldn't have written and if you're not ready to pay it, because what you're worried is not based on divorce is based on just living with her. You ordered that money and make sure that you have some witnesses when she gets signed up Remo says you can't come back here in this country. There's no amount anyway on the contracts. It doesn't matter. It's just your me this is your conscious that will hold you. But in other countries, it becomes a problem because
it is something
Yeah, but there's no mold in the registration process. Mapping the city. Yeah. So the lady can ask you for our Mahoto legally, once you get divorced her in this country, but other countries know she can ask for it. So you have to make sure that you pray, you pay them off. Don't make them off or too big. Don't make it a large number. It's important that's that's understood that you owe her that it has nothing to do with enough aka nothing to do with you're taking care of the family and the kids in the house. That's her money that is away from the money that you owe her every month just to live by. It's her Mahara. So you have to put away you have to start putting away money like that. It's
like a student loan. It's like a loan you owe or you're not ready to pay this loan, you're you make $2,000 a month and you have nothing, don't make 40,000 on yourself. Are you gonna Are you gonna pay that off? You were sitting, that's equivalent your student loan debt, you owe your life to do it. So it's not a good idea. And then if you don't, and you buy a house, using maybe $35,000 And you guys get divorced, she's gonna take it she or that place? Yeah, you use her money. That's her money. Because when you have a debt is paid up front, right before you do anything else do you buy houses or cars, I've got to pay your debt. This is that
when your mother is divided, the second part of the mother is debt that you owe your wife. I think it's important to think that's why you have to bring down the numbers a bit you have to be more merciful. You're not
guaranteeing the rights of your daughter by making the man pay a lot actually you're making him resent you and resent her knowing that you know, he wasn't his President wasn't worthy enough for marriage, you had to put a slap before DCP policy on him in order for you to know actually less you'll make the man pay in mind. The more any open he is the more loving he'll be in shelter. And if he's a good person that that's what you'll get. Okay. Well, we'll EMA to the whole scene was the hot button and having a tiny food for people and feeding people. The day of your running is is recommended Mr. Hub. So for all four schools of thought is Mr. I've only for the vahidi or it only
but hasn't said this word. It has a lot to do with the law and who said it was word, you have to do it because of the Hadith that exist. But everyone else that is just is Mr. Hub. Just feed it's a good thing and even if you just feed your family, even just your family in her family, that's enough, but it's mostly to feed as many people as possible. Just celebrate the actual marriage. The lady will appreciate that her family will appreciate that and it's a nice feeling I need to do that. Well yeah, but to La jiba in Loma Nazarene and if you're asked to go to Lima it's worth it for you to attend. As a Muslim if you're asked to attend a wedding It's why you unless you have excuse let's
have a good excuse that we think something's booked or something like that. But if you're asked to go to a wedding go to a wedding because this is promoting marriage and encouraging marriage and everyone in the audience it's a good thing to do I personally fall short of these things all the time I rarely go to married I hate going to weddings unless you know the wedding is something's hot I'm having it was a wedding that there's a lot of guy that does drinking and stuff like that you don't have to go but it was a wedding good Muslim people getting married then you should you should you should attend unless you have an excuse that day then that's a different story. But this we had
to fill us me back in as though JT were jiba and equality if you're married to more than one woman and how much money you spend on them as well as you by you that was great. Yeah, you cannot marry two women and spend on one more than you spend on the other. If you do marry more than one I don't think any of you will have this problem in their life. But if you do then you have to spend the
equal amounts of money on both households and both of your wives will call you either Lady Luck so Mila Hurley lady had yet in and if it's if it's your first wives night, then you should not enter the house of the second wife unless there's a high necessity and need out of respect to her. Yeah, you don't go to the other wives house. We the other stuff.
Our college ability to hold you and if you are going to travel, then you just Acorah meaning just based on luck. You just flip a coin and take whoever it comes out for so unless you're someone who always is traveling, in that case, then you do it by
A
sequence like a she walked me through the first time shows me, if you can take both, there's a scene that if you if you go, you're not capable of taking all your waves with you, you take one next time you take the other one, so you don't take the same one every time. I think that's not fair. Okay. So it's all based on Yanni equality and fairness when you're married to more than one woman, and you have to be someone who has enough money. This is one of the conditions of marrying more than one woman that you have to have most of my money spending $10,000 a month on this household. And I'm gonna marry another woman, I can't just can't do 5005 Those know this 10 has to stay, I have to be
wealthy enough die. Now we have a new 10 Okay, I'm making more money out of an extra $10,000 I'll spend on this news how new household has to be equal. And I cannot take away from the money that I'm spending on the first household. That's a very important point in marrying more than one woman. So you have to be someone who is Jonnie was wealthy. But let's say you're you're paying only $500 a month on this household, and you have an extra 500 It's fine, but that means you're pretty poor. And if the lady is willing to marry you anyway, and her family is that's their choice. Some people do, I don't care. I guess money is not a problem. That's how they live, especially if you go to the tiny
two bedroom in areas where the ideally you don't have money at all, I just have very little provision. And usually the men are married to three or four women and everyone is pretty it's pretty standard of how things run they just whatever extra they have the marry another as long as they have enough extra in terms of equality, paying the same amount for each household.
First
person you have to be she doesn't know doesn't have to agree just to know in order for marriage to be proper in Islam, you have to do it I learned Yeah, it's one of the icon you have to people to know about it now who doesn't know about it? Those who are close to you? Who's closer to you, then you and a wife? If she doesn't know about it, then how is this? Like a no everyone's know about it? I don't have to know. And who's every person in London who's they're married or not? That's not me, but your vicinity your surroundings, the people your acquaintances the off to know. So a man who's married to another woman in his first which doesn't even know about it? That's problematic. No, most
scholars don't take that position. But I it's more it's a more modern position that I am very, very, I take very seriously because because this is actually a clear you know,
reach of some of the basic concepts of marriage in Islam because people should know about it. Now he doesn't have to agree to it. Of course you're not gonna agree to it most Moodle will agree to it some will. But
unless she conditions on you on the contract of your marriage with her then she will not have a second one there would be no second waves then she can't really do anything to hold you accountable if she does that. You can't marry another wife and if you are then usually there's a penalty or you have to divorce her needs
to be something done if you if you decide to marry another woman, but if not, then no but the thing is why would you want it marrying another woman without the consent or the acceptance even if it's not like open hearted acceptance of your wife is not recommended ruins families, you can ruin your you can ruin your life with your your first wife and you have kids with it, which is usually this case here. Usually it's men who are going through a midlife crisis, who decide they want to get up and marry another woman. And they already have like four or five kids. So you could you could destroy this household. So it's important that this is discussed and if it's not proper,
there's a huge issue to talk about.
Today, any men are or not, or no longer is frowned upon, even in Muslim Societies for men to marry more than one woman. But on the same on the same Siani on the other hand, sorry.
It's quite difficult for any for men for all men to stay married only one woman throughout their lives a lot of men have
had those needs to marry more than one and for them not to be permitted to do it even properly into the holiday and it's actually quite problematic. So if you're someone who feels that they want me want to marry another woman in their life, make sure that something you need bring up when you're when you're any marrying your first wife then I'm open to that. Annie, are you open to that? Are you is this a deal breaker? You'll be surprised not all of them is it's not a deal breaker to all of them. Yes, many of them especially in western Muslims and they won't be open to it but others find it quite different. I don't know the type of depends on the place you're coming from in the world
Janya
and it was I don't wanna get into the into the details of all that is the basic COVID is important. Because that's a whole that's a philosophical and then I want to I want my wife sees this and I want to go home and I want to be able to sleep in my house tonight so Okay, we got this done haha we said earlier in Canada because in Canada you but if you do marry new woman or another woman then you if she is a virgin I mean she has never been married before your seven nights to be with her and only her and if she has made before then your three
new shoes and Marathi wah wah. Now if there's new shoes, new shoes is a term that is different
On amongst scholars, the majority say that she is disobedient and model. He is doing haram things. He's saying something haram haram does not follow a hash. She's not doing something that you're not betraying other scholars
specifying the shoes to be the betrayal, meaning she's starting to look at other men speak to other men doing things that are related to her chastity. So if that's what you're fearing, are you seeing any actions that are related to that? Either way? Well, Alba meaning you speak to her with the best of
with the utmost tender of of words, but you're very tender in the way that you speak to her. And how you Annie remind you of Allah subhanaw taala you're not allowed in Islam to yell or to verbally abuse your wife ever. If you do that, that can be very problematic. She can she can get a divorce for that. She can she can get the judge to divorce her from you.
If that's what you do, so verbal abuse is off the off the money, all forms of abuse is off the table. But verbal abuse is very it's held very highly in Islam and you do not say anything that is disrespectful. You will do well. But either if anybody doesn't listen in Linda Shushi to continue doing it the Haram that she's doing Hydra, you stopped coming to bed at night, like you see you slept elsewhere, you sleep in a different room or a different bed. But you know, calm that's it and she's still persistent on doing that. How'd ya then you can lightly strike her. And bottom here is how you I mean, you don't see but there and the concept of God that exists in the Quran and that is
Yanni talked about it very controversial in the dean is what you're permitted to do. Now what is what, how is that? What are the what are the guidelines that we have within the Dean regarding that the province IS LM said BC work? So you don't wanna miss work? Is in the Mississauga? Yeah, so they miss work using miss work. So it's not a concept, okay, that is not a beating. Actually, if any lady or any man, to be honest in a marriage presents to to a judge, Islam Muslim judge of any man, there's a mark of being struck, then not only should you get a divorce, he can go to jail. So yeah, and you guys are all women or a woman or that is immediately a felony, that's not something you're
allowed to do is a man can beat his wife, black and blue and say, Well, I'm doing with the class you didn't choose No, that's how it is. brought up in the Quran is a physical gesture. It is telling your partner that we're coming to the end of the line. The next step is going to be a divorce. We're going to ruin our family. It's a wake up jail. And this is and of course, the evidence for this is Jani overwhelming within the history of Islam and the books have felt. They didn't feel the need to verbalize all that because this was understood. The Prophet SAW Selim was with Mr. Issa, he never did it. So somebody said using miswak the Quran has this is like, if you take some grass, like a
bunch of grass, that's, that's what
you have. And he said, I'm in the Quran.
He swore that he was going to hit his wife if she didn't stop getting complaining about Allah so I did to them. He meeting me when he got better. He said, I made it mean that if I got better, I would. But Allah Subhana Allah tells him tickle those stick to give some grass. And that's the end of it. So it's not it's not about it's not a punishment. It's more of a gesture of a waking up wake up call that you have to change. Your became physical for a moment and the wife now is understanding that we're on a different things are going to need to change quickly. So it's not about punishment, and it's not giving you access to actually harm your wife in any way she can I get any any mark of
being struck or being hit, you can take that to a judge and you can get them going to jail. And then she gets her divorced and she gets a compensation as well. And that's Islamically speaking.
Has to be that no, she was asked to be disobedient is it haram for some scholars and betrayal, which is the prominent position that I take here that it has to be something regarding betrayal or fascia that she's trying to do something and he's trying to starting to ruin the family in a way that's unfixable. Okay.
We're sort of in new shoes the past when I've occurred to her and if she continued to do the shoes that she wrote over the network, to give her plenty of money every month for herself of course with the family and the house you do but versa if you don't have less than one meaning the next that you spend with her you don't have to do it equally and more if you're married to more than one woman. When Hulu is Evaline maloom is when we end marriage. The lady asks for divorce asked for this marriage to end mean she wants to be separated from her husband wants a divorce to happen, but not that husband initiating it she wants to initiate it. She wants to end it enabled in my law meaning
she can offer the husband some compensation. She can tell him I don't want them out.
Just let me go. You can do that. Or she can say here I have this much money Take this money just leave me I don't want to be married to you anymore. So as you can do that. What Emily can be healed.
Without Raja Allahu Allah in manuka ginger did it from that moment if it happens, he cannot ask her to come back.
I like to be to be his wife anymore. See, if a man divorces his wife, there's a period that he can ask her to come back and she has to come back to the to the marriage again. We'll talk about that in a while. But when she does go there, he's not required to come I need to go back to your house, they are completely separated. And they can only be married again being 100 deed if they if they do initiate a completely new marriage when he comes he brings in the witnesses his family there, right a new marriage with a new model with a new everything. So it means that they weren't married before. Right. But Carlos wants to have that happens. They are completely separated. There's no There's no
grace period, where he can we can we can ask her to come back. Yeah. Does she have to marry somebody else? No. No, no, only in the regular Yeah, only in the regular ended after the third booklet.
We are using your body as
optional to be drawn from Mahara.
For holiness specifically, that's okay. For her.
No, she doesn't have to, but she can if she wants to. She can offer something else.
She can tell. She can only say
like I want I want to be completely separated, divorced from you. You can keep the kid
right. She didn't give up her rights and having any kids you can see here you can have this car, you can have this house whatever, like, I will not do something they agreed to. Or it could be with no agreement. I just want to be separated. So he's like, Alright, fine, go house is over. Right? Well, you're gonna have to have you have a high yield. And it's permissible for that to happen, whether she is in her period or she's not. Because it's a difference in divorce, divorce has to happen outside of the period. My question is, if it's not the only reason why we're seeing that in this case, even though they can renew the marriage is that there's no there's also no end in this case.
No, there is.
Definitely just just that he doesn't have three chances. Yeah, exactly. Well, I got help with an attorney out of Palo Alto.
So he can do pull out on him after a holiday because once you do you get a divorce you can do follow up after Hola. Hola is basically a HELOC. So it doesn't work both ways. Well, on Apple dot Bahn, sorry, Johan, and working out when there's two ways of Fallout, sorry, direct and clear. And the key is figurative like is this regarding to what you can say that could cause divorce to happen. But this is where we will spend some time discussing some details, or I will at least because
the prominent position for scholars is what we're going to read in the in the mention here in the text. However, I believe that a lot of circumstances have changed to the point where some of these rulings have changed and I side by a number of different opinions that aren't a part officially a part of them that have today, but I believe will become very, very soon, based on necessity and based on the change of whatever circumstances regarding marriage. So back in the day for somebody who the latter to Alpha Kappa Alpha Allahu wa sallahu Allah I have talked Rosario, talathi. Linearity. So direct is when you say to luck to gain or some rocky opha, Rocky, one of those three
words, which are clearly a follow up. You don't have to have the intention for that to fall for the scholars.
And you don't have to have intention for this to be true. If you say it, she's divorced. You've divorced her the first time. So don't say it. Not even joking, because that's for the scholars. Now I again, I don't I'm going to cite what the what the text says. And then I'm going to make commentary maybe at the end or maybe next time in terms of what what I side with the way I think the prominent opinion proper opinion regarding this is, but this is what the scholars have said and this is what is the Jumeirah
stand by because of the fact that back in the day, writing marriages or writing things and contracts and certifying it with Jani city halls, that wasn't the norm, it was just Janya men, and two witnesses, the Father, the lady, and that was the end of it. It always took off for them to here's a mother, we're done. We're married, right, there's nothing else. So it was done based on words, it'll be end based on words, today is done based on writing, and contracts and certifying. So I think it should be ended the same way. And we have evidence for that in the Quran as well that scholars have always kind of not understood literally because of their lack of ability to see the practicality of
it. But today, it's much clearer to us, especially the beginning of swithun Bullock, for example, where it kind of only states a number of things. I will talk about all of that just so what I'm reading right now is not necessarily the opinion that I signed by but it is what the FDA said. And they want to check the area that are modern today that are living today that have a different opinion than that with the myth hub. Actually states
Well, Kena Yeah, so it's an abstract or a figure of speech. Cool you love when you
have tequila with a near tea. So every word that could mean pull up or could mean something else so good like it'll help me be a hickey. Go live with your parents. That could mean that you're divorcing or it could mean just go to the band for a while and I could forget so this is based on your Nia Did you mean to divorce her then she's divorced if you didn't need to divorce her then you she's not so your knee and now so we're gonna have to ask you, you're gonna have to be either honest about it or not honest about what
you meant when you were when you did it
when you said it will be a lot of fun. And there are two situations in terms of Fallout regarding women, a lot of young people out there hiddenness so nothing about me, there's a group of women that when you do pull up, it could be either so no Obadiah could be either profitable enough that the way the profits are sometimes or it can be a bit doubtful, not for profit is improper and wrong. So what is what are the what wouldn't go out to Haley the ladies who are administrating? So ladies are administrating.
You can either do that properly a simpler or you can do a follow up and properly a bit Alpha look like what but similar to our new cow palapa to her in lady Muda, Mia and V. So as soon as for you to divorce your wife, during her time of periods, he or she is not on the administrating during a time period that you did not have relations with her. So she was during her period. So we did not divorce her. And then now She's not in her period anymore. And you have yet to have relations. You don't have you can't have relations with her during her period. No, she does not. You have not had relations and you divorce and that is that's how you do it. If you have relations with her, then you
shouldn't do and that's what will be the tube and you can put alcohol highly over it over in Jana haffi. Did is for you to give bollock when she's
in her menstrual period. Or if she's in the fast for example, like she just
gave birth she can't or it's in October it's an atomic period that you have had relations with her in two you slept with her during that time and then you pull off the next morning the next day that's that's been done. And you shouldn't that shouldn't be done.
Okay
that still happens but it's a bit awful luck actually occurs but it's a bit you made a mistake and you shouldn't should go back shouldn't have done it you shouldn't have initiated at the time but the block is still happens like she you still divorced her. Well thought about it as if you thought out to him the sooner than what I did. And there's a type of woman with there's no sun and vidiian they'll pull out one autobahn, they're 14 or Selita to what I use it to will harm you. Well, I do allottee language will be her.
So all those who don't mistreat either those are too young demonstrate. And they used to sometimes marry girls who before the hit puberty like a year before, or six months before they hit puberty. Or you said she's too old. She's done menstruating or she's pregnant or Italia. Let the limit hold the lady who asked. Yeah, and he doesn't want to watch the end did hold on before you actually consummated the marriage. And that so those ones, there's nobody on Sunday, you can just do a pull up anytime that you want to. Okay, so divorcing
pregnant woman is not haram. It's not. It's not recommended. But it's not haram. So if you choose to divorce while she's pregnant, that's your choice as well. And
what's really important about understanding full out is that Bulacan Islam is a
Carrara it's a decision. It's not a spur of the moment, spur of the moment, it's not a, an emotional reaction. Men throughout history, especially in the earliest time in ages, were in much more control of their emotions that men are today. And that is something that is very, very clear. When you read when you read into the books and you read men, because in your hand as a man, because you're less likely to say anything or look for divorce, based on being upset or being angry or after a fight. Now, women are much more emotional, that may come to their minds more often or the men will. Today that's not the case anymore, or for most men is that's changing. That's why it's important for you
to start observing yourself as a man that you do not behave in a reactional way emotionally, that you get upset and you want to do you want to end the marriage. That's not what men do. Men understand that marriage is difficult. That is a institution that takes a lot of work a lot of
effort, you put a lot of time into it. There are ups and downs, she gets angry, sometimes she's happy, this is not going to affect you. As long as she's doing the basic stuff as long as she's loyal. Like we tend to choose where she is. As long as you someone's loyal as long as she's a Muslim or she's a practicing Jew or Christian meaning she has some belief that she holds on to and our ethics and chastity are there then you are good. She's She's fulfilling the basics 90 You're not going to divorce her based on other stuff, unless at least in an emotionally reactional way you're going to do it if you are based on a decision meaning we've been trying to make this work for a
while and this is not working. I'm not happy and you're not happy let's part ways so block is done in an elegant manner and that's when you find the Quran always been talks about Saturday joven this Allah and Jamila do in an elegant way. The hola hola, hola four or five times and when Paige is talking about doing it in a way that is elegant, that is respectful that shows fearfulness of Allah subhanho wa Taala