Adnan Rajeh – Issues of Marriage #12
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of preserving and honoring the definitive conditions of marriage, which are the conditions that make it possible for a woman to become married. The speaker emphasizes the need to be mindful of the conditions and not make it difficult for the woman to achieve them. The speaker also warns against making it difficult for the woman to achieve and suggests that it is a natural habit to avoid certain aspects of the marriage.
AI: Summary ©
And
the topic of issues of marriage is what
I'm kinda trying to cover here. Covering different
aspects of that. Not just the pursuit of
it and the importance of that but also
the, the sanctity of of, preserving it and
and the, etiquette of doing that as well.
I think it's something important for all of
us. This is a very short hadith but
it's extremely meaningful. This is what he says
out of his soul as salamu qalam.
Meaning the conditions that are most worthy
And tu fubihi that you fulfill.
The most
The conditions that are worth the most attention
and the ones that you have to be
most careful regarding in terms of fulfilling them
in detail, in-depth, exactly the way they were
explained.
The conditions that you
used to make
someone else halal for you.
To make the photo of someone else means
you give yourself access to another human being,
which is what happens in marriage. In marriage,
you know, 2 people, they're getting access to
one another in a way that does not
exist outside of this relationship.
It's a very very intimate and special access
that exists. It's a relationship that is on
an extremely
profound level that does not exist outside of
this relationship. And the way that you're making
this happen is through a number of shur'u,
of conditions.
These conditions are sacred and the other conditions
that are worthy of your attention to make
sure that you honor them.
That's why when we talk about Yayi Subhalla,
getting married is actually not a complicated
task.
Islamically it's not complicated.
The Westerners made
From outside of your direct family.
You ask the father, the father asks the
daughter.
They say: Yes. You say: Yes. You offer
a mohar. You're married.
Plus you're married. That's
all it requires. You don't need to go
downtown, you don't need a guy with a
big beard, you just need
this. It's very simple. But there are conditions
that are surrounding this. The Maharul and the
Shahadah
and what
you're actually agreeing to as a man, as
a protector and a provider and as a
woman, as someone who is going to protect
the sanctity of this relationship, with the sanctity
of of the access within within this house
and to yourself. And any other condition you
add upon because marriage is a contract where
you can add conditions.
There can be other conditions that you add
to the marriage. These conditions are sacred
and these are the most important ones for
you to honor in your life.
All conditions that are made that you agree
to, you have to honor.
That's not I'm not I'm not arguing that
there are some conditions that you can go
ahead and break. No. But the ones that
are most sacred, is what he's saying alayhi
salatu wa sallam, is what he's saying. Most
sacred and worthy of your honoring and your
fulfillment are the ones that are made when
you're getting married.
So make sure that you ask the right
questions
and make sure that if you're making a
condition within marriage that it's very clear
so the other person understands what they're gonna
have to honor because this is something they
have to honor for the rest of their
lives. Same thing goes for you. If someone's
making a condition on you within that marriage,
make sure that you understand it and make
sure you think about it long and hard
before you agree
because this condition will continue to be held
upon you to the day you die.
And this is something you'll have to stand
in front of Allah and answer for first.
Uhapu shurult.
More than any other shawl that you'll ever
fulfill, any condition that you'll ever be okay
with is this one here when it comes
to getting married, because it's very it's a
big deal, because 2 people are offering each
other access to themselves. They are bringing their
unsav together. They are building a family together.
This is very this is a big deal.
It's not Islam does not see this as
something light.
It's easy to do, but it's a big
deal. At the same time, it's not it's
not made hard and difficult and impossible to
achieve,
but the sanctity of it, the importance of
it is is very
is held in the highest regards. So any
condition that you're agreeing
to, when you accepted this person in your
life to protect, and to provide for, and
to be faithful to, and to serve and
to take care of on both sides of
this equation. These are surut that you have
to honor and anything that is add to
the added to it must be honored as
well.
And just something for us to all think
about because those of you who are married,
you should think about this because when you
got married,
it's easy to forget in the midst of
it all. After 15 years of it or
20 years it starts becoming a little bit
trusty, doesn't change. This is a shurut that
you agreed to the day you asked for
her hand. And the day you accepted him
as your husband, there are these conditions will
apply forever.
And for those who want to get married,
you make sure that you understand the importance
of this. It's not designed to be difficult.
It's designed to be sacred. Those are 2
different things.
They're 2 different things.
Difficulty
means that there's a lot of obstacles to
get to the goal. Once you have, once
you get there it doesn't, we don't know.
Sanctity
doesn't necessarily mean that it's hard to get
there, but once you're there that's where you
have to deal with it with the highest
degree of respect and honoring.
So there's a difference in these these terms
what the prophet alaihis salam is trying to
teach us. Not about making it hard to
get there. We want to make it hard
to get there. We think that if we
make it hard to get there, people will
honor it more. I mean if we think
if we make it impossible for the young
guy to get married, he has to have
his a lot of money and they have
to have the first khutba and then the
second khutba and then they have to have
the os and he has to put he
has to sell a kidney to do it
and his father has to go ahead and
we'll stand in front of Masaijid and ask
for donations to run this marriage. If you
make a big deal out of it, then
somehow he's going to you know, treat it
with sanctity. He won't.
Making it hard does not holify
the actual action itself in people's minds. It
doesn't. It actually it will build resentment for
sure. It will build resentment And it will
make the expectations impossible. If you make me
pay
more than I have for this marriage, well,
I expect every night
Yeah. I need to be a memory Yeah.
I need to be extremely memorable for the
rest of my existence. I pay I give
everything I got. So And that's not fair
because she's human.
It's not fair for anyone.
So the expectations have to be reasonable. So
you don't make it impossible to achieve. You
made it reasonable,
accessible. But then you make sure they understand
that this is a sacred contract. You are
held to every detail of these conditions. So
the day you die,
to the day you die you're held to
every because it's sacred because it's holy and
that's what the prophet alaihis salam taught and
that's what we have to take go back
to.
Don't make it difficult. Make it sacred.
And I hope that made sense to you.
You're really,