Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Want to Cure Your Anger Problem
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the importance of good social and character, including anger management and avoiding regretting mistakes. They stress the need to be aware of one's emotions and avoid negative behavior. The speakers also advise on ways to manage anger, including walking out of environments, doing physical activities, and using water. The importance of conflict resolution and therapy for addressing anger is emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa
Salatu was Salam ala so you didn't know sit in while he asked me
about Rocco a sell limit esteem and Kathy Ron Ely AMI Dean and my
bad. Firstly Alhamdulillah Allah subhana wa Tada
reward all those who have organized this program to help all
of the help us through this pandemic. And there's a lot of
people with having quite a few problems when it comes to the
pandemic, family issues, health issues of course, and interaction
issues. So Asha Allah, this opportunity, monitor himself and
that Allah bless him. And the team from Medina Masjid has organized
this program for Canada. It's been several years that I haven't been
to Canada but Allah subhanaw taala has created this occasion, this
opportunity to speak to you all. So may Allah subhanho wa Taala
make this a beneficial opportunity.
The ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada speaks about anger several times in the
Quran. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam speaks about it
in a number of Hadith. It's something that is so part of the
essential makeup of the human being
and interaction with one another, that it has to have been
mentioned. There's a lot of guidance about it. There's a lot
of guidance about it mentioned in the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala
speaks about people controlling the anger
Galbally Mina lave Allah subhanaw taala speaker speaks about not
those people who don't have any anger, but rather those people who
have who have control over their anger, who are able to suppress
it, use it in the right way. You see, if we're to look at anger
itself, there's a few different ways that Allah ma have described
anger and how experts have described anger, it's a feeling
inside when you get upset or when you fear something. And it's a
kind of a defense mechanism, almost, it's a defense mechanism.
So you get angry when you want something to be a certain way. Or
when you see that something is not in a particular way how you would
like it. Or you feel a fear, a sense of fear. Now, a lot of
arrogant people have anger. Right? In fact, anger and arrogance goes
quite hand in hand. In many cases, what do they fear? Because the
anger the, you know, the arrogant, the powerful, maybe as well. So
what is it that causes them to fear? Well, they're fearing their
position that somebody has, somebody has mustered up enough
strength to say something against them or is threatening their
position is threatening their state or their status, their
authority or whatever, so then you get angry. So there's numerous
causes for anger in Islam, after people fulfill the FARA, even the
obligations, once a person is doing all of the obligations and
the follow up, then after that you can do optional worships you can
do optional fast, you can do optional prayers, sadaqa, etc. And
there's a lot of other optional things as well like welfare work
like assisting other people. And there's of course, the development
of good character. So out of those, all of those optional acts,
once you complete once a person is completing the obligation x, then
out of all the option next they say that hustle hook and good
character is one of the most important aspects because if
you're doing optional Knuffle prayer, that's something that's
going to benefit me if I'm if I'm doing optional prayers, optional
fasting, that's something that's going to benefit me it's not
necessarily going to benefit you directly, at least right. However,
if I develop good character, and I work on regulating my character,
getting into a level of moderation, where it's fine tuned,
that's going to have a huge repercussions huge benefits,
because humanity, humanity stands by a sense of community and
brotherhood, and this community awareness, love, affection,
compromise, mutual assistance, all of that is what makes a community
and which makes humanity come together. And at the core of all
of this is character because if somebody has good character you
you know we appreciate them we want to work with them. We there's
a love in the heart for these builders affection in the hardest
inclination towards these people. So good character is the
ingredient of social good social, social cohesion, you know, for the
communities to come together. That's all based on good character
even we as Muslims, you know, when we when we interact with non
Muslims, some a non Muslim with good character stands out from the
rest, you know, good character, shy ish is a light it shines
wherever you go, when you see good character it shines. So
the reason I'm talking about good character when our topic is
actually Aang
Good is because good character is based on several different things
within the human being. And if you look at all of these things,
there's three things that are the three major things, three major
faculties, three major aspects within the human being, that
actually make somebody's character the way it is. And
one of them is anger. So you've got anger, you've got desire, and
you've got knowledge. These are three of the fundamental aspects
of what
contributes to a person's character. If a person's anger
level, you see you can't eradicate anger completely, because having
two less anger is going to negatively affect you. cowardice,
people who don't have any unfinished life, who are willing
to get abused, who are willing to allow their religion to be abused
their family to be abused, were not willing to go and stand up for
the rights of even themselves who are not able to go and maybe work
for themselves to have a halal earning all of this comes from a
sense of
cowardice, a sense of No, no desire, no no fire in the heart to
do that, which is right. So anger relates to
the ability to do the right thing. At the right time. Anger is the
faculty that relates to that, we generally talk about anger in when
it gets too much when it is goes beyond the limit and gets into
where people are hurting one another where people are harming
one another way, which leads to arrogance where it leads to
taking somebody else's right subduing somebody else's right not
listening to another person. That is an excessive state of anger. So
anger, there's a moderate anger which the province of loathsome
had, so he never used anger for himself. He never used anger, if
somebody attacked him himself, said something to him, he was
calm. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is has
to be admired. I mean, you just can't help but admire him. Because
when he was personally abused, it just made him even more
forbearing. It made him so much more patient, and he would almost
smile in the face of some of these things. But when it came to the
religion, when it came to aspects related to our deen, where
somebody did something against it, then Subhanallah then he would
even grow red in the face, as we've mentioned, you know, in the
Shamal. So, that is the ability to deal with different emotions,
imagine it, you know, things are thrown at you. You know, I don't
mean physically thrown at you, but things are thrown at you in terms
of abuse or criticism. And you can sift it out, okay, this is
criticism of me, right?
I can take that that's not a problem. But if it's against
Allah, if it's against the dean, then I want to stand up for it.
Now this isn't to say that you can never get angry for yourself, of
course you can I mean, the, the it's just how can we? How can we
express that anger? And how can we articulate and do something with
it, that's what's important. But the prophets Allah was had that
equilibrium, his desire was perfect. His anger was perfectly
moderated equilibrium, and his knowledge was obviously perfect as
well. Now, if somebody has too much desire, just to it now, since
we're describing this issue, if we have if we're talking about this,
or if you have too much desire, it's going to lead to sexual
vices, it's going to lead to haram fornication, adultery, premarital
sexual *, and other forms of, you know, sexual
deviances that are out there, because it just got too much. It's
just exploding inside and person is trying to express it in the
wrong way. And likewise, if you don't have if you don't allow the,
you know, fulfill the rights of the desire, then a person is not
going to be fulfilling the rights of their wife or wife is not going
to fulfill the rights of the husband. Right? There are desires
that is there's a right of the stomach to eat at least something
right to eat something to stay, to stay right. You know, there are
people who go into these excessive fasts, continuous fast for no
reason. But if you have too much of that desire for food, for
example, is going to lead to Gluttony is going to lead to
obesity, it's going to lead to a lot of other problems, you know,
both physical problems, psychological problems and
spiritual problems. So these things are there, Allah subhanaw
taala has given us these things, even forgetfulness, you know,
there's an aspect of it, which is beneficial forgetfulness of the
losses we have incurred, somebody passed away, we feel really that
pain is very raw, we feel really sad. We have a lot of anxiety,
give it a few days, give it a few months, and that pain becomes less
because we don't remember it in the same way, as it happened
yesterday, that there's the benefit in forgetfulness. But if
somebody has too much forgetfulness, they're forgetting
their obligations. They're forgetting things
things that they need to do. And they constantly letting people
down. That's a problem. This is the way Allah subhanaw taala is
greater. So now when it comes to anger now
it builds our character, and a person's character is going to be
flawed when they have too much anger. And we know this. I mean,
you know, if we don't if we can't see this in ourselves, because
it's this is one of the most difficult things to judge along
with pride. Because pride also comes with anger, right? It's very
difficult to judge within ourselves. And I think most of us
if we who do get angry a lot, and I think I'm one of those who have,
you know, who can get angry, right, I need to recognize that
I've got that as a problem to help myself, if I don't recognize it,
I'm never gonna be able to help myself. And personally, I think
marriage has helped me, right. You know, you get angry a lot. But
then you find out that you know, it marriages humped. If the, if
that's the case, dealing with other people, when you're managing
the situation, when you're teaching, if you want to be an
effective teacher, you can't keep getting angry, especially if you
want, you know, good grades for your students. If you want success
for your students, you are you can get angry, but then you have to
curb that as well. Everything in life teaches us this thing. That's
why it's very important
to understand that anger is gonna have to be suppressed, but we have
to recognize it first. Now, if we see anger, you know, if we think
of another person who gets angry, you know, we're upset by that.
That's not something that is praiseworthy, we actually look
down upon that person, you know, we actually
don't prefer that person for the anger aspect, oh, he's a really
good person, but it just gets stronger when he gets angry, you
know, we say these kinds of things. So if we don't like in
another person, how do you think people are gonna like it. And so
that's one way to understand that. But the first thing in all of this
is that we have to recognize this, we have to recognize this, then
once we've recognized it, then we will be able to figure some of its
therapies, some ways to correct it some ways to sort it out. And that
is where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has mentioned
several different things. And of course, there's lots of other
things. I mean, I mean, a simple check online, if you've got an
anger problem, and you're not married yet, make sure you get
that sorted, you know, you have to be because otherwise your marriage
is going to be, it's going to affect your marriage. In terms of
pre marriage preparation, don't just focus on the day of your
marriage, for example, don't focus on what you're going to win who
you're going to call and all the rest of it, focus on how I'm going
to be with my spouse with my new family. Right? So if you've got an
anger problem, and the way we tell if we've got an anger problem, is
just compare ourselves to our other brothers and sisters, or my
group of friends. Who is that that gets angry more in that? Who is it
that generally gets more angry than other people for the wrong
reason? Right. So that's one way to figure this out. Just be honest
with oneself, you don't have to declare to the whole world that
you have an anger problem, just get help. And there's ways to get
help, which is, we're going to discuss some of those ways that we
get help. But the first part is to recognize that we have, we have
this issue, especially during this pandemic, it's brought people
closer together, right. And before we could have comfortable, you
know, distances from people, but now, I guess with our own family,
it becomes more difficult. And what we've noticed is that the
there's people who won't get angry with other people, because he's
meeting them infrequently. He or she is dealing with them
infrequently. You're perfect at your job when you go to your work.
And you're there you know, in the office, or whatever it is, you
know, you're very professional, you're very managed, you're very
organized because you've been through some training. You come
home and it's a different story. You think it's okay to lash out at
your close ones. Right? I don't know what this I've not been able
to figure out exactly what the psychological term for this is or
what the you know what exactly this issue is that but where you
have your own people you feel you can lash out against them much
more and you don't realize the harm you're, you're you're
causing, and
you you feel like it's justified. And this is what has been just
magnified during this lockdown when people have had to stay more
at home, in confined spaces sometimes, you know, in confined
spaces. Now you can't blame anything else, we have to be able
to learn to control it. Right we have to learn to control it. So
now, for example, let's just mention one Hadith, right? The
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, it's a hadith of Bokhari.
Abu Huraira the Allahu Anhu reports that the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam actually somebody asked the
Prophet sallallahu Sallam can you advise me? Can you give me some
council? Can you give me some advice and the Prophet sallallahu
sallam said Allah Tada. So he said, give me some advice. Now,
I'm not sure if he thought that don't get angry was not
significant enough. And he was looking for some kind of big
advice or, you know, he was looking for something else and the
prophets, Allah Salam, every time he repeated his request, he said,
Don't get angry, don't get angry, don't get angry. Now. That's not
the only advice of course that a professor Lawson has given to
others but for this person, he's kept saying Don't get angry. And
maybe one of
The reasons for that is that he may have noticed that this person
has an anger issue. So he kept saying, Don't get angry, don't get
angry. Don't get angry like Dadaab, right, because he knew
that anger is what's causing all the other issues. You know, anger
is what's causing all of the other issues. So that's why he said
that, the in fact, there's another, there's another Hadith,
it's in measurement with the prophet. A person came and said to
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ya rasool Allah Dulany.
Allah, I'm willing utillian Jana.
Well, I took fear Allah Yeah, just indicate, you know, indicate me to
an action or indicates an action to me, right, which will enter me
into paradise. Right?
Give me an action that will get me into paradise. We all want that,
right. But don't give me you know, don't give me too many things.
Just give me like a simple point that will enter me into paradise
that I do that when I took the rally. You don't give me a long
discussion. Don't give me too many advices. And the professor Lawson
said love them. He said Don't get angry. Right. SubhanAllah. You
know, he's asking for something very concise. very short, very to
the point, maybe just one point, not too many points. And the
Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam is saying let them right.
That just shows the importance of this. There's a huge important
Allah mentions it quite a few times in the Quran. And there's a
there's another.
There's, there's numerous stories about this related to the same
thing. In fact,
on one occasion, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is
sitting there. And there were two men that were abusing one another,
they were having an argument, they were at dispute, and the face of
one of them had become very red. And, you know, it says that his
veins, you know, jugular vein, it's swelled and everything is
very, very angry. Sometimes you see somebody like that. So the
Prophet sallallahu sallam said, you know, it's so beautiful that I
would progress along the way. He said, he kind of said it, not
necessarily to them directly, but he wanted them to hear. So they
probably saw some said, I know of a statement, which if he says it,
then that rage that he is experiencing that anger that he's
feeling right now would go away. Right? He just needs to say, with
a bIllahi min ash shaytani regime.
So now you may ask that why do you read our will to bIllahi min ash
shaytani regime? When you get angry? What's that got to do with
anything? Why is anger and are all the bIllahi min ash shaytani R
rajim, as you know, are all the bIllahi min ash shaytani R rajim.
It means I seek refuge in Allah from Shaytaan, The Accursed what's
shaytaan? Why seeking refuge from the shaytaan when you angry, angry
is your personal feeling. It's not like a bad thought in your mind,
like a thought to go and commit a haram or something like that. So
why? Why is it like that? If somebody's asking that, asking
that. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has provided
understanding of that as well. And many of our other might have
discussed that as well. That shaytaan is created from fire. And
fire is heat. Anger is also a sense of a state of heat in the
body when you get overheated. That's essentially what's going on
this person is getting overheated. And it's a similar idea that you
you can only extinguish fire with, you know, it's the shaytaan. So
you say older bIllahi min, Ash shaytani R Rajim shaytaan. See,
when a person gets angry shaytaan rides the wave of the anger.
That's the thing once you get angry, shaytan is always around.
Right? So he then writes that wave and makes us do things in our
anger, say things that I mean, how many of us
recognize that can identify that can recall that when we were
angry, we said things that we regretted. That's because shaytaan
started writing that emotion. So one of the emotions that shaytaan
writes is anger, right? And he uses it, it's a tool of the
shaytaan to do it. That's why we say Oh, bIllahi min ash shaytani
regime. So that means that while the natural state of the anger in
you know that we feel the physiological state, the
psychological state that we're in, we don't we say older we live in a
showdown or at least the anger can be subdued and suppressed as a
physiological thing, and shaytaan will not take over.
So shaytaan doesn't have to cause the anger, right? The anger could
be caused for different reasons. But shaytaan can magnify it,
expand it and take over it. So we settled we live in a shaytani
regime, we won't go far with it, we can actually calm it down, we
can actually say no suppress it. You know, we're not going to say
this. I want to swear at the person. I want to do this. But no,
that's against my personal dignity to do that. Sometimes To be
honest, like, I'm on Twitter. So the other day we put out we're
doing a class on hellfire. *, it's called * revealed. Right.
So we put up the poster and immediately we got a non Muslim
Write a non Muslim who commented on that and saying, This is so
depraved or something like that. Now you can understand it's
probably coming from an atheist perspective, to say that, you
know, there's no concept of hellfire. And this is just you
guys are still talking about hellfire. Like, you know, you're
living in the modern world, where is the hellfire and so on, right?
So not you feel like you want to lash out, you know, you feel like
you want to say something, you know, there's a lot of things that
you could actually say. So we knew that oh, the bIllahi min ash
shaytaan your regime, at least the shape, you will be stopping the
shaytaan from taking that anger and using it in the wrong way and
saying what you might regret afterwards. Because at the end of
the day, we as Muslims, and especially Muslim leaders, anybody
who's dignified as a Muslim, right, they need to have their
self respect. Right? It shouldn't be that now I can start swearing
just because somebody has said something weird to me, or
something somebody has abused me, or somebody has said something to
cause an affront to me, I have to show that I have some character.
That's the only thing that stopped. That To be honest, just
having that thought. Just stopped me from saying anything in
response. Otherwise, there's so many things that we could have
said. So that's the kind of things that we need to understand that
there's numerous Hadith about this. I'm gonna mention about the
prevention. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said the
first Hadith, which I already mentioned, that
I will be live in a shaytani R rajim. So shaytaan doesn't take
over and take advantage of your anger. Number two, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that Allah in the hot tub
jumbotron fecal Bimini, Adam. Anger is An Ember in the heart of
the human being of the of the son of Adam Wright, a former ra Ito
Mila Humbert he is a one Tifa he, I would urge you, haven't you
seen? Basically the way he said is that, haven't you seen the redness
of the eyes when somebody gets angry? And the
the bloating and the swelling of the veins of the of the throat?
Haven't you seen that? That shows that there's an internal cause, of
course, there's no physical Ember, this is, you know, a metaphor to
say that it's coming from inside, right. So then the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that Furman a hacer Min 30 Min
radica be che in full yield Zack Bill aren't anybody who feels
this, right? who experiences this, he should go and he should go and
basically lay himself down on the ground, he should stick to the
ground.
That's kind of interesting. And one of the reasons is that we
earthing ourself, you know, fire is the reason why shaytaan and the
jinn and so on are so problematic is because it made a fire. So
their imagination is wild. And that's why they said that even if
a gin tells you something, now, I don't want to get into the world
of gin. You can't take everything that a gin says because they have
a wild imagination. We are from the earth, right? We are from the
soil, the soil is humble, right? And that's why even our
electricity is actually grounded, it needs to go to back to the
ground. So hit the ground, basically, that will calm us down.
Right. And there's many other you know, there's many other aspects
about that in through modern expression. Now, I'm not sure
about Canada, any in America, for example, when you get stopped on
the motorway, if a police if the police stop you on the highway,
right?
I don't know if you noticed, when the police stop you on the
highway, you're supposed to stay in your car, keep your hands where
they can see him, the police will come and they will stand the you
know, you roll down your window, the police are not going to stand
in front. So you're not going to be confronting, you're gonna be
confronted by the police. They're gonna stand behind you and they're
gonna say, sir, that whatever, right? Why do they stand behind
you? And why don't they confront you? The reason is that all of
these things are you can say management techniques for not
overcoming, not not basically getting aggravated, and not
letting your anger go overboard. Because when somebody is in front
of you, you feel like you can lash out more there's a confrontational
mode and, and form that you're in. Whereas when they behind you, you
know, some of that is diffused. That's why the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam, you know, we find in the Hadith, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi salam also mentioned things like if you have
a weapon, don't go brandishing it around. Like if you've got a knife
or whatever, don't brandish it around, because the shaytaan may
pull your hand, right, the shaytaan may pull your hand,
because what happens is that if you've got a weapon, like if
you've got a knife or something, you have this weird feeling that
shaytaan recreating you to do something with it. And people have
made mistakes in weapons where they had no intention to do so. So
keep it down. That's where we're told to do all of these things.
This is all to defuse it and so that nothing gets out of hand.
That's why
we've been told in our day like Abdullah
Are you sorry a Buddha, the Buddha or the Allah and I think it was
him that once somebody got him angry, and he was in the fields,
and there's there's water there, it's soggy ground. So somebody got
him angry, and he sat down. Then The discussion continued, and he,
you know, it was still at, you know, an angry state. So he laid
down down and I said, What are you doing? He said, I'm doing what
I've been told to do by the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam,
you're earthing yourself, you're getting down and you're earthing
yourself. Now I, you know, I know that might sound a bit. But what
I've noticed is that if you
in fact, this is what studies show that if you want to tell somebody
something and critique them, you know, like, for example, it's a
brother of yours, a child of yours, a friend of yours, like,
let's just say that there's somebody in the masjid that you've
heard, said something about you, or has got a misunderstanding or
whatever, and you need to correct them, you need to correct the
understanding, don't grab them after Salah there's many of us
would do for example, right? And just take them to a site and start
standing up and saying that, it, you know, you've got more chances
if you sit the person down. Right, if you sit the person down, they
say that you've got more chances of convincing the person or two
people taking criticism, they say that people take criticism, much
less when they're standing than when they're sitting. And they
take more criticism when they're lying down than when they do when
they're sitting. So actually, the most ideal situation is that if
you want to critique somebody, and have that kind of a discussion
where you want to correct something of this, call them to
your house, right? Go somewhere and you know, get somewhere where
you can actually lay them down. I mean, I know that's a bit too
much, but at least have them sitting down relaxed, the more
relaxed they are. The less confrontational, the more taller,
the more tolerant, the more agreeable they will be. And the
more you will be able to get through to them. never criticize
somebody standing up, because there's just too much of
confrontational mode. Right? It's just too much of a confrontation
mode. That's why sit down and what the prophets Allah ism is telling
us, you know, is is is the basis of all of this, right? It's
showing us exactly if this is what the studies show, these kinds of
things to be happening as well. The other thing that we can do is
to
put a buffer in between. Now, there's a beautiful dua that's
helped me a lot, the Prophet sallallahu sallam,
this is a dua of the Prophet salallahu Salam Allahumma inni are
obika Mina Shinnecock, when the FARC was so ill o'clock, Allahu
meanie, I would have been a sheikh archy when he felt he was so ill
Ah, now sometimes there are certain people that we have anger
problems with generally, when I see that person, then because they
just irritate me, they just say something to me. It's just this
weird relationship, I get angry, like, I just don't have tolerance.
So prepare yourself from before. There's no point. I mean, a Muslim
is supposed to be somebody who doesn't get bitten from the same
hole twice, right? The person may aggravate you, the person may
irritate you a lot. But at the end of the day, we need to try to
preempt that. Why should I be the one who loses it all the time? How
can I defuse this? How can I sort this out in a different way? How
can I get over this? How can it be that I don't have this problem
anymore? I don't have these issues anymore. This is the kind of thing
that we must learn. So what you do is you preempt it if there's a
certain person that you have to meet, maybe it's a relative, maybe
it's your own brother, maybe it's your father, maybe it's your
mother, somebody and you know that he always kick off on something
before you go in, compose yourself, right? Then number two,
you know the, the kind of hot flashpoints right, try to avoid
those. And, above all, read the DUA. Oh Allah I seek your refuge
from Shinnecock, which basically means dispute, right? quarreling
and arguing, the FARC hypocrisy was so ill of luck and bad
character. And here the bad character, obviously comes from
the anger faculty. I've noticed that this has helped me and
inshallah it will help you if you read this Allahumma inni or obika
You know that much already? Because there's so many to us like
that Allah, how many hours a week I mean, a sheer copy one nissaki
was so ill o'clock. So that inshallah will help as well. Now,
why should you do something about your anger? As I said, for people
who are married, and they're very angry people, they're going to
know that it's messed up their marriage or is messing up their
marriage, but the wonderful thing is that you can actually sort it
out if you really want to. A lot of people with anger problems,
they actually feel quite, quite comfortable, sometimes with their
anger because it gives them this false sense of power. Because when
they angry, they lash out, and they feel that everybody else
cowers and sits down and, you know, doesn't say anything. That's
just a false sense of anger. You'd rather get that through
Respect, right? And there are ways to get that through respect rather
than being angry, because anger is bad for you. Right? Anger is not
just spiritually bad for you, not only can it be sinful, right, if
done in the wrong way, and you know, in these extreme ways, but
it's actually physically bad for a person. So how is anger bad? Well,
you see, anger, in a physiological sense, is a constant flood of
stress chemicals. Right? It's a release, it's, it's this release
of stress chemicals, that's when you get angry, you get stress,
right?
There's a lot of that that goes, and that becomes associated with
other
metabolic changes, right? Especially with unmanaged anger.
As I said, anger is a natural thing. And there's nothing wrong
with having a sense and a faculty of anger. There's nothing wrong
with that. But if it's unmanaged anger, where you're constantly
flying off the handle, then that causes a flood of stress
chemicals, and that can be bad for you. That drip drip drip of that
stress, chemical is extremely harmful for a person, different,
different aspects of the body. So for some people, for example, it's
created headaches, right, they get constant headaches, because
they're constantly angry about something unmanaged, that they,
they don't know how to manage their anger, right? They don't how
to manage the anger.
Eventually, that could lead to digestion problems, right?
Abdominal pain and insomnia, you get angry, you can't sleep, right?
Insomnia issues, increase anxiety, increase anxiety, right?
Depression, because eventually, if you get so angry, people don't
want to speak to you, because you can't reason with them, you just
get too angry, right? Everything has to be dealt with anger. So
then your person, you're going to get depressed, because you're not
going to be able to see anything coming from people having that
good interaction, high blood pressure, subhanAllah, high blood
pressure, that's a big thing. When it comes to anger, they get high
blood pressure. And it leads to also in fact, in some people, it
leads to eczema, not necessarily in everybody. But in some people,
it could even lead to skin problems and eczema. But
eventually, some of the worst things is that when the high blood
pressure and all of these other things, right, heart attack,
stroke, all of these things could could ensue. For a person who
doesn't control the anger. That's just the physiological aspects,
spiritual aspects, and mess up your prayer, you keep getting
angry in your in your Salah, the anger is going to cause a dispute,
maybe it's going to cause something else you're planning
your next move, all of that is going to create a problem. So
these are a list right? And not in any kind of particular order. But
in sha Allah, these are a list, I've tried some of them, I have
not tried the others, but maybe inshallah it would be beneficial
to some of us, you know, to all of us, insha Allah in some way.
They say that if you do feel angry about something, take a walk, you
know, firstly, walk away from the situation. And think, because the
problem is that when you're angry, and I've noticed, sometimes
somebody said something, you immediately want to respond, if
you're that kind of a person. If you're a person who doesn't like
responding at all, you won't have you know, you don't have a
challenge with this, you will have other challenges. But when it
comes to people, you know, who generally get angry, because we're
talking about people with anger problems within the COVID and
other situation, right? Walk away from the situation that sometimes
helps temporarily, until you cooled down, then you can come
back and deal with it in within a cooler sense, that works very
well. Number two, try to pinpoint why do you get so angry? Do you
have to get angry? Is that the only way to deal with this issue?
Why do you get so angry? Is that the only way to deal with this
issue? Can you not do it a different way? Is it because of
something that you're doing that then creating that reaction,
that's why you get angry, and then it causes you to get angry. Number
three, if you keep getting angry, do something physical like going
and taking a run, or on a treadmill or some kind of sport or
physical exercise that again, helps to just dissipate the
chemicals, that helps a lot to dissipate the chemic chemicals and
sort things out like that as well.
Another one is Subhanallah go and talk to somebody that you trust,
right about your feelings and see if especially somebody who
interacts with you regularly, because they will be able to tell
and they might see patterns, if you can figure out the pattern
that will be really really helpful. Right.
Another one mentioned in the hadith of Muslim Ahmed is that you
make will do, right, go and make will do and again, that is you're
doing several things, you're distancing yourself, you're
changing your activity, you're using water, right? So water is
very effective for calming a person down as well. Alright, so
that's really beneficial to do we'll do in fact, go and take a
hostel if you can, that's even better. Right? That would really
help to calm situations down you'll get a time to think about
it as well.
Constantly make dua to Allah subhanaw taala
Want to protect you from the hands of anger and rage? Right, and I
mentioned one of the doors there.
Above all, if you really want to sort your anger out, I think one
of the most effective ways one of the most effective ways to deal
with arrogance, to deal with anger, to deal with greed and all
of these things is to have a regimen of liquor. Allah subhanaw
taala his name and if I stop and say this is probably one of the
most important along with all of the other practical citizens, but
this one is probably one of the most when you want to remember one
thing from this is to get a regimen of liquor, you know,
especially if you can find a good, you know, a good scholar, a good
mentor, a good shake, right to help you out in this regard.
Right? And to have a regimen of vicar, the name of Allah subhanho
wa Taala is the most powerful to create humility in the heart
because this is the benefit you'll get if you constantly take the
name of Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah
Illallah Allah's name can never be devoid of benefit, you know, it's
going to effect you. It's going to soften the heart. A lot of the
time we can't remedy anger because the heart is too hard. You know,
we don't want to take any advice. The heart is too hard. Right? The
advice doesn't go in. We don't soften ourselves. When you
constantly Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Illa
Illa, Allah when you when you're repeating this, right, the vicar
and you're remembering Allah, it softens a heart out, right? When
it softens the heart out. It makes us more humble because it's now
going to remind ourselves of our position. We're just the servant,
a needy servant of Allah, Allah is the One who is worthy of all the
high things that we want, right? Only Allah subhanaw taala is truly
worthy of that. So that will help to defuse our arrogance that will
help to defuse anger, right, you start seeing things in the right
way, you start learning more about your deen. So that is why it
really, really benefits to have a regimen of vicar, and especially
some of the moral cupboards, some of the meditations, they're
specifically beneficial, specifically beneficial for
calming a person's anger down, right. And this is what the
orlimar have found through a lot of judgment in the name of Allah
subhanaw taala is beneficial anyway. But this is a very
specific benefit to that effect. Some other suggestions in the
short time that we have is
accept your mistake. And be honest with yourself like is, Should I
really be getting angry here, this just gets, you know, this is all
going to be really tied up with arrogance. And I always need to be
the right one and so on, you know that nobody else can have one over
me. All of that. We have to learn to sometimes just accept our
mistake and not argue about it, because that's one of the worst
situations.
Learn to forgive and forget. So you don't have to get angry and
have to bash everything down and correct everybody learn to forgive
and forget, you know, why? Why should you fly off your handle and
cause yourself, you know, possibility of a stroke, and so
on. Another one is
try to develop Indifference Indifference to the thing, which
bothers you too much. Like, it bothers you. That's why you get
angry. But you're seeing that there's no point of it bothering
me, or there's no benefit in it bothering me. It's not going to
get me anywhere. So what you then do is you try to develop an
indifference to it. Of course, if it's an important matter, you
can't do that. So this won't necessarily work everywhere. Keep
a diary of your outbursts meaning note, your outbursts like today, I
got angry twice, is he this isn't going to change overnight. If
we've had an anger problem over the last 510 1520 years, right,
it's not going to change overnight. The only time it
changes overnight is if we are hit with a massive problem. And we
start realizing our vulnerability, right? Our weakness, our absolute
need for Allah and our weakness in front of the systems of the world
as well. Then sometimes people become very, very, very humble.
But why do why are we waiting for something big to happen, you know,
to take a big hit know, what we do is that every time we do get
angry, angry, at the end of the day, whatever we think back like
what was it that made me angry? Next time that happens. I want to
like something that really bothers me sometimes the way people drive.
Okay. I think I've calmed down a bit, but that is when I would get
angry. So I have to think about it that way that what you know, if I
say this, I'm never going to see this guy again. So why should I
swear that person? Hamdulillah I don't think I swear I swear but
losing. People feel the need to swear, what's the benefit of
swearing? You're gonna see that person for a few seconds, right?
If somebody will cut you off or whatever is not somebody locally
that constantly cuts you off, then there's a different strategy. This
is somewhere you're driving outside. Somebody cut you off. Now
you want to roll down your window and say a few things. What do you
get out of it?
You're never going to see that guy again. You're probably never going
to see what's what's the point of lowering yourself saying a few
abusive words, making a bad face or whatever, what what are you
going to get out of that thing? Is it worth it or not? Now, in terms
of, there's a lot of training that you can get about this as
assertiveness training, there's conflict resolution that helps the
you know, the whole science of conflict resolution, take a call,
you know, read a book on conflict resolution, if that is the reason
why you constantly get angry, where you just can't get to
convince people, people don't get it sometimes. And then you get
angry learning relaxation techniques. But so I think
relaxation techniques, you know, you could do that through exercise
and so on. But one of the best forms of relaxation is by doing a
maraca, like a meditation, right and having a vicar regimen.
If it gets really bad, then, you know, you need to see a
psychologist or a counselor. Right? Especially if it's about
events of the past. Now, if you're getting angry about events of the
past that you can't even change now, then you need some kind of
therapy, right? You need some kind of therapy, I've got a lecture
that you should probably listen to if you've got issues about the
past and you're still carrying them is called Don't be depressed.
You don't know your future that's on zamzam. academy.com right. It's
very important to understand this whole concept of Divine Decree,
especially if you're angry with Allah subhanaw taala. Right. I
know our topic is more about families and so on.
Allahu Akbar, exercise regularly, that helps to just dissipate,
dissipate some of the chemicals, right, so that you won't get so
angry, Inshallah, people who are stressed more are more likely to
express anger. So if you've got a thing that's stressing you out,
and I know, people losing their jobs or having to work from home,
not having enough space in the house, you know, everybody's
competing for the particular space. So, you know, the children
are shouting around and you know, subhanAllah you know, all of those
are obviously stress causes. So
we have to do the best we can this is Allah subhanaw taala put us
into the situation may he take us out of it, but numerous worldwide
studies right have documented that regular exercise can actually help
mood and reduce stress levels. reason is, because I think
physical exertion burns up the stress chemicals, you can vent
them within the exercise, and you also boost production of mood
regulating neurotransmitters right? In the brain including
endorphins and other other positive chemicals. You know,
there's a lot of stuff that we can we can we can talk about.
But just a few more things.
To mention, there's a hadith in Imam Ahmed's Muslim where he says
that the Prophet Allah some said either hottie but I had to
configure squid.
When one of you gets angry, just be quiet for a while. Be quiet for
a while. Right? That the in fact a lot of people do use that and that
is very helpful as well. And again, all of these practical
suggestions are from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, or
whatever, no, Mohammed a Saturday. Somebody got him angry. So he got
up, and he performed will do. And he said that the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has said that in the Lucha Libre Muna
shaytaan
anger comes from the shaytaan
we're in the shaytaan a holy come in an shaytan is I alluded to this
before the shaytaan is created from the fire. We're in number two
feet away number two throttle narrow Bill Maher. And fire is
generally extinguished with water. So either for either hollyburn
haidakhan, failure failure Tada. So when one of you does get angry,
go and perform or do right, that's the full Hadith or what I what I
indicated to the before, once
more Avia he was angered by Abu Muslim al whole learning. So he
got up and he performed goosal He actually went and took a bath and
he came back and he said that he said the same thing that the
Prophet sallallahu Sallam had mentioned. You see the virtues of
calming ourselves down and controlling our anger there's a
hadith that I'm going to mention to you from Imam Muhammad the
profits or losses and man girl Varma livan What were you still to
a young Fuller who whoever controls the anger calms them
suppresses themselves suppresses the anger, whereas he's got the
ability to you can unleash it, meaning you're in a position right
to unleash your anger and do something about it. Right but you
actually control yourself. The hula hula yo Malkia Murthy Allah
roussin hada
Hatha Yoga Euro who Fee eyl Fee eyl, holy Shah.
Now, the prophets, Allah was me speaking to men. So that's why
he's giving them that incentive, basically, that whoever controls
the anger when, even though they were in a situation where they had
the ability to unleash it, right Anahata, Allah will invite them
will call them right in front of everybody in front of all of
creation. Right? So it's, it's a call of honor, right? This person
is going to be honored in that sense. And Allah subhanaw taala,
eventually will also then give him the option to take whichever hood
that he wants. Now I know that's kind of, you know, for the men,
right, generally, but Allah subhanaw taala, will give
something of similar greatness and honor and happiness and joy to the
women who do that as well. This is not just for men, it's not just
men who have a problem with anger, right? There's other people who
have you know, women have problems as well with anger. So
Allahu Akbar, I think, we ask Allah subhanaw taala to assist us
just to conclude, put a space in between, let us think and first
recognize that we do have an anger problem, otherwise, we're not
going to get anywhere with this. Let's realize the relationships
that it's straining, it's destroying, it's causing a
problem, we get angry, we anger is physiologically a problem
physically, medically, psychologically, spiritually a
problem. It is spoiling our worships. It's, it's spoiling our
character. It's not allowing us to get the balance in our character,
right, you know, luck, which is one of the most you can say
rewarded aspects in Islam after the fall even obligations, the
prophesy, some said that Islam was sent for good character. So that's
why all of these things are there that are there for that. And it is
the advice of the Prophet salallahu Salam, when people ask
for the advice, especially if you've got a problem, then
consider that advice for us. So we ask Allah subhanaw taala for Tofik
May Allah bless all of you, wherever you are in the world,
especially our Canadian brothers, who this program was actually
organized for and has been one of them he himself may Allah grant
him a long life with great Iman and mashallah much more work than
what he's already done. May Allah accept him to do even much greater
work and his organizations and everything else? And all of our
other teachers Allah, Allah, bless them all, Allah, Allah, bless them
all. Allah bless the OMA remove these conflicts, May Allah take us
out stronger than we were, right before we enter this conflict,
this conflict, this not conflict, but this pandemic is rather a
punishment for some people who are having a problem in this right.
It's a source of mercy for other people, you know, and it's a
source of forgiveness and purification for a lot of other
people. Let us make it a source of purification and for elevation.
Otherwise, the pandemic will pass right in sha Allah, there's going
to be an end to it right? Everything ends in this world,
right? It's gonna end but if we don't come out of it better than
we are, then the whole thing for us has been useless, right?
Whereas Allah subhanaw taala wants to teach us the lesson. So may
Allah subhanaw taala allow us to become better people during this
time, Allah except I will do as well as with that one and Al hamdu
Lillahi Rabbil Alameen