Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Treatise For The Seekers Of Guidance Part 22 Dealing Grief
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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam
ala UL Mursaleen. While the early he was Safi abarca was seldom at
the Sleeman cathedral and Ilario, midday in America, since this is
the month of Ramadan, and we want to
become just that much closer to Allah subhana wa Tada.
One is, you can do it with just this increased worship that people
do in Ramadan. When Ramadan comes in, people are generally
they feel much more righteous, they feel much more closer to
Allah, they feel less inclined to want to do sins and thus they
start doing a bit more.
Now, mashallah, that works, it gives us an an increase in a
enhancement of our iman.
What we want, though, over and beyond that is a long term change
is long term adjustment. And we want to then be set on a path that
has been much better than we've ever been on to continue even
after Ramadan. So the whole point is that it's not just in Ramadan,
that we have the spike of good deeds. And it's just a spike and
it comes back down.
But rather, that whatever we do during this month, it's long term,
it's maintained, it actually changes our inside, as opposed to
just something we add on for a while, and then it goes back out.
That would be wonderful. And that's, I think, is the purpose of
Ramadan, because he says, I look on the goon. And one of the things
that is very
interesting is that if you think about it, if there was no Ramadan,
then we would become way more stagnant. Just look at ourselves
as to what we're doing that we were not doing last week.
And that we probably wouldn't have done if it wasn't for Ramadan. I
mean, just look at all of the things that we will be doing in
Ramadan.
We're already doing intending to do and we'll be doing in sha Allah
that we would not have done if it wasn't Ramadan. So imagine if
there was Ramadan only every five years, we'd be in much worse,
worse shape. It's Ramadan that keeps us going. And all of these
other moments that we have where we get a bit better because it
gives us an example and it gives us an excuse. And the other
benefit of it is that you actually
you just feel better shaytaan is not in the picture, you just have
less distraction.
Right, you just have less distraction.
We just have to then kick the bad habits that we have. So in that
regard, what helps a lot is to understand the Quran and Sunnah
about various traits that we have various blameworthy traits and how
to remove them to understand that from a religious perspective, so
that we can focus on that and any, any change inshallah that we make
during Ramadan, we expect that there's going to be baraka and
blessing in it. It's also a time in sha Allah where we can
ask ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala to give us this change. Now, there are
numerous things that we could be doing that are wrong, but we don't
realize, I don't mean just complete haram, blatant acts of
sin, but also bad habits approach to things that's probably what it
is, right? And approach to something. We ask Allah subhanaw
taala to soften our hearts
during this month of Ramadan and assist us and help us in that
regard. One of the things that I want to cover today, among the
many, many things, there are one of the things that I want to
mention is something that we can all relate to. But we don't
realize it's an issue.
A husband
fee family dunya
hosting fee family dunya. What that means is grief over a worldly
matter.
grief over a worldly matter, something unfavorable happens and
we get grieved, and we get depressed. Some people stopped
doing everything they stopped praying because of this. So
worldly matter and they stopped praying.
So how are we supposed to approach grief? How are we supposed to deal
with grief and I'm not talking about from a purely psychological
perspective, you know, where if you went to one of these self help
courses they would tell you about those things, talking about from a
religious perspective, which even ends up being psychological
because when you understand what Allah wants from us, how Allah
wants us to act in those kinds of situations,
then inshallah it will be of
benefit.
So
great grief over worldly matter what is it first, let's try to
diagnose it is to feel pain and sorrow for not attaining some kind
And of material blessing
you didn't get something that you were hoping to get or you don't
have something that somebody else has. And then jealousy aspect
comes in there as well. Somebody else's mashallah got a nice house
in a nice area, nice job, lots of money, good bank balance car
position looks nice handbag
they go on mashallah holidays all the time,
or mashallah they are a big scholar, they have a big following
all of these kinds of things.
And we don't have it. So you feel grief over it.
Grief, this also entails becoming elated over the attainment and
plentitude similar kind of thing is that if you do get worldly
things, and you get really excited
not to say you shouldn't make sugar, but you get excited, in a
sense that
this is all that I'm living for. That kind of excitement.
Otherwise, being excited over things you get, there's nothing
wrong with that, as long as you're making sugar and as long as you
understand what they are. But it's about getting so excited that oh,
this is it. I'm the luckiest man in the world. I've got nothing to
worry about now. And yet, our solids are being missed, and so on
and so forth.
Okay, so that's how you diagnose it. That's the description of it.
Where does it come from? Why does it come about
this iniquity, this wrong stems from love of this world.
Love of this world is a tough thing to deal with. But it comes
from love of this world, it's the same thing. And expecting
attainment of all of one's aims.
And
continuation of all of one's blessings.
Which which is pure ignorance. They haven't understood the nature
of the world.
You know, personally speaking, since I focused on the nature of
the world,
and the DUA in that Allah white, Natalie, Roger, your own.
Setbacks became a bit easier to deal with
everything in this world, from this phone, to this iPad, to this
microphone, to this carpet, the windows, the AC to our own selves,
eventually all go into depletion, exploration, death, funner, and
isolation. Everything. That's the nature of the world.
Yes, some things last a bit more than others.
Cheaper things lasts less you expect that's about it. But
otherwise, everything gets worn out. Everything gets depleted, in
some sense the other. That's the nature of the world. Once you
start understanding that, then for example, let's just say that
somebody was supposed to come with you are supposed to invite you and
they didn't invite you
doesn't matter anymore. That's the nature of the world. Why am I
investing so much in this relationship? That if they didn't
invite me for whatever reason, it could have been numerous reason
that I am going to start taking it in the most negative way.
I'm going to think the worst of things, not the best of things.
And I'm gonna aggravate my aggravate myself. For what?
That's why the Olia Allah who really zoned into this and really
focused this and really imbued this within their whole worldview.
They don't get perturbed about anything. No problem.
This is what Imam Ghazali if you read his work, be deitel Heda.
This is what he tries to tell you the same thing.
Don't expect only expect from Allah.
Don't expect from anybody else. It's the nature of the world.
People change. There's so many variables in the world. There's
just so many variables in the world. Why should they all fall in
conformance to your desires? Who are you? Who are we, that
everything out of the
the multiple the billions of things that have to come together
to make a scenario for us to live in everything, you know, the
weather, from the weather, to the roads, to people to everything.
All of that has to come together to our benefit.
Who are we that it always has to be to our favor when it's not to
our favorite just the nature of the world?
That helps a lot.
One should instead direct himself towards the immortal good deeds
those deeds will that will give you something at the end of it.
The Bhartia to salejaw to call them the Bhartiya to Saly hearts.
The Immortal good deeds Bharti means that will endure forever.
Sally had righteous the righteous good deeds.
Allah subhanho wa Taala says that so that you grieve not over your
losses, no exalt over what you attain. Mikayla Topher who
won a
decade attached anima Furter come while atta for Habima at
all of these things, you know, everything that has been written
for you will come to you.
And anything that hasn't been written, regardless of how much
you try, it won't come to you. But we do have to try because we don't
know that it's written, that is not going to come to you.
A lot of people they get confused here, if it's written that is not
going to come to you, why bother trying?
Because you know, what's written to come to you and what's reason
to, not to come to you? It's all written based on what you're going
to do or not do.
That's the part people miss. So they get really confused about
this. And eventually the question comes, so what's the point of
doing well, well, everything is going to come to you or not come
to you. It's not like you're just going to sit back and he's just
gonna gonna get ya, there'll be some things that will come to you
like that. But Allah knows that that's what you are going to do.
So many, some things will come to you. But the more you try, as you
see in the world, when you do try things people do you do get
things.
But there will be things you don't get even after trying your
hardest. Because this is not your world.
You don't control everything. Allah has a different plan,
because he has to look after everybody.
And if he gave you that as well, that's going to be problematic for
you.
So know that Allah, Allah Allah We mentioned that if grief takes one
takes a person from patience, to restlessness, you start feeling
restless all the time, you are having sleepless nights.
I know losing a job is a bad thing. I know, I understand that.
Allah save us.
losing a job is a bad thing. But he's not the end of the world.
And having restless nights over it is not helpful. But I know that's
very easy to say but very difficult to do for some people.
But if you do know
that, I must just try for another one. This isn't going to benefit
me for being restless at night, then at least we will try to avoid
that. That's the benefit, isn't it? So
no, that if grief takes over you. If it takes you from patients to
restlessness.
You're not patient you're being restless, or if exaltation
exultation takes one from gratitude to transgression and
haughtiness, that when you do get something, you get so excited
about it, that it takes you from rather being grateful to being
transgressive and haughty and arrogant, getting so excited about
what you have.
Then these two emotions themselves are unlawful. That restlessness is
unlawful. No, you're committing a haram by doing that. We never
thought about it. Did we like that?
That's, you know, when you feel very overly perturbed about
something, do you think that's a haram sentiment? You never thought
of it. So it's just a natural sentiment. But the reason it's
unlawful is because it's not how a believer should be.
Or if somebody gets arrogant and haughty over what they've been
given, and they don't think Allah
then again, that's a we that that's better understood as being
haram anyway. Right? But everybody will understand that but the first
one, nobody will understand that. See, now we've just refined our
understanding of how to deal with difficulties. So the next
difficulty May Allah protect us Domina Allah grant us Alfia but
there will be some kind of setback that occurs, we at least know how
to deal with it. And then those setbacks are not difficult. 10
years ago, five years ago, last year, we would have cried over
this would have been a wreck, we would have stayed in our host
house, we just stopped talking to people
we may stop praying, but no inshallah that will not that will
not happen.
Having said that, Kamal and spiritual perfection entails that
attaining worldly matters, and losing them should be equivalent
to a person now that's a very high stage. Whether I have it or not,
it's the same for me.
I'm not saying we start from that, because that's a very high state.
You know, when somebody becomes so connected to Allah subhana wa
Tada. Then they are just satisfied with however Allah subhanaw taala
keeps them
this is the station that's a high spiritual station they call it of
wholehearted That's right.
You even when you have what they call Tasleem, your fully submitted
full the slim station and the consignments of matters to Allah,
the fleet.
These are very high station stations,
that you know, even when you're in a
difficulty, you don't even ask Allah to remove it.
Say, Oh Allah, you know, you're watching me, you're the one who
sent this. I leave it to you whenever you want to keep me like
this, whether it's illness, whether it's some other kind of
struggle
is what your body surrounded. That's what you call tough with
that high status, then sober, sober and patience is to bear it.
But ask Allah for removal. The higher level is patience, and not
even ask Allah for evil. But if we leave it to Allah, again, as I
said, that it's not something you want to hope for, in the first
level, because it will seem unattainable.
What are the spiritual, immortal good deeds that we should be
focused on?
They are things like Salaat.
An enhanced prayer,
which has huge benefits, reciting Quran making remembrance of Allah
subhanaw taala.
However,
it's not just that those are known. It's not just that it is
also
routine activities of a believer
if you perform them with a noble intention
pure intention is an elixir that transforms the mundane into the
sacred.
A believers intention is extremely powerful.
You can only have done information, the intention, if you
understand that this is a way to do it. If you don't know that,
that's a way to do it. And if I intend this, I'll get more out of
this.
In the world, you get anything through intention, on intention
alone.
You do an act for somebody whether you had a good intention or bad
intention, they just going to look at the act, yes, they look at your
body language, but somebody can have very, very respectful body
language but very insincere inside.
You can have that.
But with Allah subhanaw taala. The deed is primarily
rewarded on intention. It's not the outer form. The outer form is
just proof that we're doing something we're not just sitting
back and saying intention, but no act.
Because you have to remember you can't have intention without act.
It says in the mill Atmel orbignya actions that according to
intention.
So when the intention of a believer is very powerful, it's an
intention that's done for an act, if you don't even do the act is of
great intention, have a good heart. That's not enough.
It's not a good heart, it's not doing anything.
So
when such a believer eats a meal,
smiles at a friend,
the smiling of a Sahabi at somebody is going to be different
from our smiling.
I mean, right, that's why they get more reward because they've tuned
the image to such a degree that anything they produce, even if
they don't produce a lot, it's much more powerful than the
abundance that we could produce.
Because of the intention,
you know, what's in their mind of why they're doing it, the
greatness of Allah that's in their mind, the absolute servitude and
their position that they recognize.
They have that in some huge way, we don't have that, in that at
that level. So that is what turns a deed into a bigger deed. When
such a believer eats a meal, smiles at a friend engages in his
profession, halal profession, or spend time with their family, he
does so with a conscious intention of doing so for the sake of Allah,
according to the prophetic way.
And with the hope of great rewards, thereby transforming
these routines into immortal good deeds, but they have to be done in
a certain way with a certain framework which we're trying to
rectify here.
Like why you're doing them?
Because they have to done they can't be a haram. Right? They have
to be as avoiding of all of those things is possible as well. And
then they just a worldly thing. But you have got an intention of
why you're doing it. I'm doing it because I'm spending on my family
because that's what God has put me responsible is made me responsible
for it.
And the Prophet sallallahu sallam said that some of the best sadaqa
you can give is to your family spending on your family
that makes it
helps to remove miserliness
But then it should be done according to the Sunnah in the
sense that it shouldn't become a Seraph.
It should not become extravagance, it should not be such that you
then give your family so much that they just become arrogant,
complacent with those things, so it has to be according to the
Sunnah, of course. And you can only get the Sunnah mean and
median in anything is if you know more about the Sunnah, and we know
the pitfalls, as we've just learned today. That's why more and
more reading and knowledge and learning helps us to refine
ourselves.
Unfortunately, this kind of stuff is not dealt with in the public
speeches that people generally give, because they're generally
talking about big issues that people do not the subtle, these
are subtle issues. Dealing with grief is a subtle issue.
If not authority law says that nothing you seek through your Lord
proves difficult.
And nothing you seek through yourself proves easy.
A che called Islam Abdullah Shaka, he elucidates this saying that
while being cognizant of your Lord, as you seek your aim, while
recognizing your Lord, keeping him in mind while you seek your aim.
And having presence of heart with him, and relying on him to
facilitate the aim.
And the other state is, while being in attentive to him, and
relying on your own abilities and talents.
How do you tell the difference between that scholars say that
the sign of the first one, which is to seek everything through
Allah,
is that
non attachment to the aim while seeking it, you're seeking it, but
you're not attached to it emotionally attached.
You want that business, you want that contract? Right? You want
that place, you want that marriage, you want that business,
you want that car, you want that degree, but you're not so attached
to it, that it's your whole life.
Right? You want it.
So you have to want something to get it otherwise you lose
ambition.
But you're doing it while asking Allah subhanho wa Taala and full
trust in Allah and thus, if you don't get it, it's understandable,
we'll give you something else.
So non attachment to the aim while seeking it, coupled with
indifference, and not feeling disappointed, disappointed or
grieving, if it is not attained. Now think about it. If you if we
change our perspective to this, will it make any difference in
terms of what we're going to go for or what we're not going to go
for? It's not going to make any difference that we're still going
to go for whatever we're going to go for life is still going to be
the same in terms of what we gain or not gain. But you know, one of
the things that will come from this is that you won't feel
aggrieved. If you lose something
this way doesn't tell you you must lose things. It just tells you how
to react when you do lose something. You just as a better
you just have a better life.
No brainer. Why not?
But first detach, then reconnect for the sake of Allah subhanaw
taala it's just the easier life. No, Peter, no, no, no difficulty.
While while the second situation where you get something for
yourself only without Allah subhanaw taala being part of it is
with the latter, there's going to be full of avarice and
courageousness which means extreme greed for the aim while seeking
it, coupled with dissatisfaction, frustration, or sadness, if it is
not attained.
Just because you really want something and you've got
emotionally attached to it. Does that mean you're going to get it?
No more than if you did it for the sake of Allah. So in terms of
getting something or trying to get something, it's the same thing.
Except that in one, you will feel no frustration. And you'll have
baraka and in the other one you'll feel frustrated and have no Barak.
If not I but says that whoever fulfills his needs through Allah
and seeks refuge in Him and relies on him in all of his affairs.
Without exception Allah suffices him in every hardship
and brings near to him every distant aim
and facilitates for him every challenge.
But whoever and that doesn't mean that you will get everything you
want. But you will be satisfied at the end of it even if you don't
get it because Allah will give you something else. What a beautiful
life. That is what Allah calls higher than the Yerba in the
Quran. The excellent life
But whoever seeks repose in his own knowledge and intellect
whoever seeks repose in his own knowledge and intellect and
depends on his own strength and a bit ability,
without thinking that you have to depend on your strength and
ability, but not exclusively,
Allah and trust him to his own self and forsakes him, he says,
Okay, fine, you do it. I'll leave you to the factors of the world
and the challenges of the world. Let's see how well you do.
He then forsakes him, he abandons him, and forbids his him his
enablement, he doesn't give him his Tofik to succeed and neglects
him. So he does not achieve his aims and his goals are not
facilitate doesn't mean that you won't get what you want.
Don't get that wrong. If you go after something, and you don't
care about Allah, you just do it, you may get it, but you won't have
the satisfaction in it.
You won't get the fulfillment in the same way.
Something will bother you.
This principle is known with absolute certainty from both
scripture and experience.
What if not, I thought Allah said earlier, that whenever you try to
do something for Allah, and you'll get it and otherwise, you know
that those that statement, he says, it's a very general
statement, and encompasses every aim where the spiritual or
worldly,
the most noble of all aims.
And that which has the most hurdles and obstacles
is for the aspirant, the seeker, for Allah, the seeker of Allah to
tread the path of experiencing Divine oneness.
So for that conjoining one's heart to Allah is most deserving and
most correct,
there's no way you can get to Allah without connecting to Allah
subhanaw taala. And you can't connect to Allah just that small
times, like in Ramadan, only, or only on Fridays are only at Salah
times. But the most connected to Allah is the one who's constantly
connected to Allah in every deed that he's doing, which is just
that he's always remembering Allah.
You know, there could be an auntie of yours. When she makes a certain
type of biscuit, she sends it to you, because she knows you like
that.
I'm sure everybody's got an auntie like that, or something like that.
Right? May Allah bless those Auntie's, they give you something
or they think about you, they go home, or they bring you something.
Why. So you are part of the you're part of you're in the heart.
Simple as that, that's why you're there. Otherwise, they've got
other things to think about. There's so many other people that
they could have made it for, or brought it for, they don't view.
Likewise, we have Allah in our heart all the time. So we are
thinking about him.
For to our own benefits, we're not giving him anything. It's the
other way around. It's so easy, but yet humans don't do it. And
Allah loves us so much, that he makes it so easy, but we're just
so distracted, this place was given to us.
And it's a big task. Now, if I am to try to think I can do this by
myself,
then I'll be very frustrated.
My intention should be May Allah make it easy for us? That look, we
want to do this for Allah to start with. And we're going to try our
best. But we can only ask Allah for divine success and guidance,
how far this will go. You see many other places that were started off
until today they are producing
madrasah schools, other places like that. Others unfortunately
they went they don't have the same benefit anymore.
So something that's done with good intention, good efforts,
left to Allah subhana wa Tada
we put what we can we leave the rest to Allah then Allah subhanaw
taala will inshallah help.
And help comes in amazing ways. That's the most wonderful thing.
Once you know you've, you start experiencing that it makes it
easier, then suddenly, there's a difficulty to fall out to test
you.
And that's where you have to be very careful because if you lose
there, you could just lose all of the favors that were supposed to
come in the next, you know, next several months. So difficulties
will come. We try our best.
May Allah subhanaw taala grant us a high Atlanta, yerba
Santa Monica Santa Monica The journey will be Quran.
Allah who may or hate you, yeah, but you own your medical history.
Allah Maya 100 We have an la isla. You learn to soothe her liquor in
Oakland I mean avoiding mean
Allahumma salli wa salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wider he sent
you the know Mohamed roboticle Salam
Hola Houma. fildena Warham now if you know how do you know what is
often a Allahumma fildena When he Where did he know when he Masha if
you know when he asserted that, you know what it Albena what he
has words you know when he learned, you know, what did you
learn, you know when he hovered, you know, what do you still call
you know when he occurred even when he couldn't remember what
happened when he called him and so on. bedarra Allahu Marham humara
for you more of one whom Allah homophily Mota and Al Muslimeen
AlLadhina shahidul and a couple word earning at Yama to Allah that
Allah homophily Muslim you know what I'm mostly mad well meaning
you know me know that Allah here even when and what?
Allah we ask you for complete forgiveness from our sins of Allah
this month of Ramadan we want the blessings that is surrounding Oh
ALLAH the storm of blessing and mercy we want to be drenched in
it. Oh Allah we ask you for
a full portion of this message. This blessing of Allah do not make
us of the deprived ones. of Allah there are many many that you will
shower your bounties upon during this month that you will write to
be freed from hellfire, you will write them to have entered genital
for those of Allah don't make us of those who will be left out of
Allah don't make us of those who will be deprived. Allow us to take
the full benefit of this month of Allah make this month better than
any month before it of Allah not only allow us to do extra good
deeds, but allow us to change our whole approach to our faith and
make it more positive and more enhanced. Oh Allah make us more
discerning and understanding. Oh Allah grant us the understanding
of your Olia of Allah grant us the understanding of those scholars
who are close to you. Oh Allah grant us that kind of
understanding. Grant has that kind of approach to our faith of Allah.
We ask you to fulfill our permissible needs and our Allah we
ask that you allow us to keep you in mind all the time. Oh Allah
that you make your obedience, beloved in our heart and you hate
your disobedience hated in our heart of Allah. This is a term and
the shayateen are locked up. Oh Allah the things that we are
contending with right now. Are our habits, our habitual sins, we ask
that you give us control over our knifes and allow us to tame our
knifes and make our enough's enough salamati My inner instead
of being an absolute Amara Bisou
Oh Allah, there are so many challenges out there. There are so
many difficulties out there, there are so many tests and trials out
there. So many people are losing their faith. So many people are
becoming weaker in their faith. Oh Allah, we ask that you grant to
strengthen our faith. You make us fully connected to you. You remove
all of the difficulties and obstacles in our path to you, Oh
Allah, that you grant us genital shadows in the hereafter and you
make our actions worthy of that in this world of Allah all the
projects that we have, oh Allah all of the good things that we may
want to do Oh Allah, grant us acceptance grantor sincerity grant
as baraka and blessing grant us ease and facilitation of Allah
accept us all everyone here those who are listening. Oh Allah accept
us all for the service of your deen of Allah accept us all for
the service of your deen allow this month of Ramadan to pass to
pass with this great baraka and blessing for it to be easy for us
the fasting to be easy and full of blessing and Allah for our entire
families. Oh Allah, anybody, Oh Allah, those who are here, oh
Allah do not let them return without being forgiven. Do not let
them return without being forgiven. Oh Allah and allow us to
take the great bounties and your gentleness, your blessings that
are being showered day in and day out during this month. Oh Allah
allow us to continue with it even after the month of Ramadan. make
this the best Ramadan we've ever experienced. Make it the Ramadan
in which we've been the closest to you and Allah then keep us close
of Allah keep us close. Oh Allah keep us close. And oh Allah.
We ask you to send your abundant blessings on our messenger
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa salam and that you grant us this
company in the hereafter Subhan Allah because Allah is sitting and
you'll see food was a little more saline. Well Hamdulillah you have
been married