Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Tough Questions from Teenagers
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Bismillah Al Rahman Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu
was Salam ala Sayidina Muhammad who either early he or Safi, he or
Baraka was seldom at the Sleeman Cathedral on Isla Yomi Deen
unburied call Allah Hudaydah Villa Quran emoji they will for corneal
Hamid here are you hola Xena I'm a new into Takala Elijah and looking
for corner where you can fit uncom say article while fill the comb
Wallah who will fatherly loving
by the brothers and sisters and diorama. Dear friends. Today the
topic is about challenges with teenagers, teenage
years and bringing up teenagers, it's going to be a very, very
difficult topic for me to speak about because we have teenagers
here. So I need to speak to them. And I also need to speak to
parents about how to deal with teenagers. So I'm not sure how
this is gonna go. But this is difficult May Allah subhanho wa
Taala make it easy.
The world we live in, has
questioned everything
that used to be considered to be absolute, fixed, definitive,
definite, and firm and solid. Everything is now under question
to such a degree as to what a human being is, was never
questioned before as to what a human being was, and what a man
was, and what a woman was. This is something that was quite fixed
from before as to what everything was. Now, even that is being
questioned. And that is being challenged, and where there are
various different types of
questions and identities and so on. So that obviously creates a
huge amount of confusions in the mind of a lot of people,
especially if you're not guided us to, to understand what is what,
and what is correct and what is not correct. We don't just go with
the flow. Muslims don't just go with changing times in the sense
that if something was considered to be taboo, and wrong, and
incorrect, and a vase 30 years ago, 40 years ago, 50 years ago,
or maybe for the entire history, and now suddenly, people are
generally legally considering it to be fine. So now you must also
consider it to be fine, because our ideology and what we believe
in to be right and wrong. Our ideology comes from Allah subhanaw
taala.
And Allah subhanaw taala has given some very specific guidances,
regarding fixed ideas in this world, which we abide by wherever
we go, wherever we are, those are timeless ideas regarding humanity,
and human behavior, and so on and so forth. Yes, there are certain
things which are left to the community, which are left to
convention, in terms of what kind of foods are eaten, for example,
in certain places you eat more potatoes than in other places,
there's nothing wrong with that. Right? In some countries, you go
there, potato is considered a very inferior food. Whereas in other
places people really enjoy the efficient chips, right, with a lot
of relish. I remember I had invited somebody from a particular
country and we'd made chips and in touch it, I said, we eat this, we
really enjoy chips. They didn't want to touch it because they
thought that's inferior food.
So there's the vegan movement now, less meat, more more vegetables,
that's a bit of a tough one. So those kinds of things are fine, as
long as you don't consider something impermissible that Allah
has made lawful, or that you don't consider something to be lawful
which Allah has made unlawful. Those are things so there are
certain things we leave to the community. Now when it comes to
teenagers, it's even more confusing. So for example, once a
father said to his eight, he's got a children who are some children
who are older, some children who are younger, the younger one was
doing something which was not, which the older one was telling
them off about why you're doing it this way for but the child the
younger one was very clear in their mind. They thought they were
doing the right thing. And they were protesting that why can't I
do it this way? The older one is saying you don't get it, you can't
do it this way.
So we're talking about somebody who's five or six years old, and
the older one is 1516 years old, for example. The older one is
telling the younger one of you can't do this. He's trying to stop
them and the younger one isn't listening. They're very fixed in
the idea now I can do this. So the father said to the older child
after they finished their discussion, that you know, just
the way you understood what the younger one was doing wrong.
organ, you are trying to tell them that they were doing something
wrong. But they were not understanding that they were doing
wrong in their little mind with the experience they have. They
want to play, they want to do what they're doing, they don't see it
as wrong. But you have another 510 years above that with the
experience. So now you understand the trauma you are trying to sell
them off. Same happens when we try to tell you, the Father said, and
you don't understand either you think you're right at the age of
15, of what you're doing. But we are 35. You know, we're 20 years
older than you. So we're trying to tell you, but you don't
understand. So this is the same example. Right? If you've ever had
that example, that's the example that people who are older than you
are usually going to know more than you. Right, because as
teenagers, you probably only have had 1517 20 years of experience.
Whereas your parents may have had 30 years 40 years of experience.
So they've been teenagers before they did not become adults just
like that.
However, to try to explain that is complicated. If your parents are
telling you to
not waste your time on social media, you think they're just
trying to restrict you to just being bad to you. But as a reason,
they tell you that, because when you've been on social media for
such a long time, you
you understand there are harms and dangers that come with this, which
you don't understand.
We've had people who've had many, many problems on social media,
including speaking to teenager or speaking to strangers that they
don't even know. But because younger people tend to be less
experienced, more gullible, more naive, it's easier for people to
convince them
in the wrong way. And what they might be convincing you to do
might sound cool, might sound innocent, might sound fine.
And you don't know that. So usually, that's why adults are
needed to try to explain and help you write it, you need loving
adults, not people who show you fake love. So that's why for the
parents, this is very, very difficult, that we need to have
communication, communication, not just love for our children,
mashallah, most parents, I would say love their children, they will
do anything for their children, they make a lot of sacrifices for
their children, they'll die for their children or last. However,
not you don't need just love. Blind Love is not good enough.
Love Actually blinds you and defends you. So you can't see the
reality you can't see around. So just love is not good enough.
Intelligence, prudence, understanding. And open discourse
is very, very, very important.
You can't just switch on to speak to your children after they became
teenagers and they start having problems that discourse and in
interaction must be there from a young age that the children know
that they have parents who they can come and speak to about
anything. And they're not going to be
dealt with in their own way. They know that they've got a loving
parent who understand and who will deal with it in a calm way. I've
got a challenge, I can speak to my parents about it. Otherwise,
everybody goes through certain challenges. Everybody goes through
certain challenges. If you have nobody to speak about, speak to
regarding the challenges, then they're going to find somebody to
speak about. And usually they're going to find a friend, same age,
how are they going to help them? How much wiser is their 15 1614
year old friend is going to be how much wiser they're going to going
to be. If you're very, very lucky, you might find a very, very wise
friend. But otherwise, you don't usually have that. That's why they
need somebody to speak to.
That's why I always say you have to have at least one of the
parents who can have a always open discussion. And the children know
that they can come to this parent, and have an open discussion about
whatever is going on. Now, it's not just that we're available for
a discussion, we actually have discussions. So we actually have
discussions. We can't be blinded in this. The world is a very crazy
place right now. Right? Major ideas, multiple ideas and
everybody's competing. It's the age of advertisements of promotion
of business, of consumerism of capitalism, everybody's seeking
everybody's attention, to try to sell you something. They don't
want to sell it to you directly. They're trying to sell you an idea
so that there's more consumers in the world. There are so many
things that are happening now. And even laws which are made one of
the reasons that these laws
wasn't being made, although sometimes it make no sense is
because there are major financial backers of major industries that
are campaigning for these things that are rallying for these things
that are giving big donations to political parties, so that they
can pass certain laws, which allow for certain
industries to work, so that the people of those industries will
ultimately benefit, whether that be through various different
products, whether that be unless he gets unless he gets, everybody
really wakes up to smoking, for example.
Right, there's a lot of harmful products out there, which are
totally legal, a lot of harmful aspects like various different
types of surgeries, because somebody's making money in these
things. And they will make a lot of money in these things.
That we are living in that world of capitalism and consumerism,
there's money generally behind everything.
So one has to be very, very careful. So parents can't just be
available to speak, they need to actually discuss some of the most
important aspects that are going on and they expect that children
will be speaking about, you'd be surprised what a nine year old
knows about today, that
when you are a nine year old, you this was not a discourse.
It's changed that much. In the last 20 years how things have
changed, haven't changed before that, in some aspects, it's
changed so much. So you can't think that oh, it was okay. When
we were young, this is the way we did it. Living in a different
world right now. That's why we have to one of the one of the ways
to deal with this is to be speaking to other parents. And for
parents to share experiences with like minded, trustworthy
individuals. A lot of parents will have issues with their children a
certain issue, but they don't want anybody to know. So they won't
speak to anybody about it, and they'll struggle and they won't
know how to deal with it. They don't get any help, because they
think that somebody can't help them or somebody is going to find
out or it's going to be embarrassment for me or so on. And
it's too late. Sometimes, yes, if you can deal with Hamdulillah,
there's actually a lot of help online. There's a lot of help
online ro from non Muslims and Muslims, about how to deal with
certain difficulties that teenagers go through. Because
everybody's going through these difficulties, not just Muslims, or
Christians, Jewish people, a lot of other people are going through,
there's a lot lot of concern out there, so you can dominate your
search for it.
But let us try to exchange ideas, you can do it anonymously, well,
so to exchange ideas, because these are generic problems that a
lot of children are having. There's so many children by the
age of 14 and 15. They've connected themselves to somebody
in another country, who has basically convinced them that
Islam is a problem. And that there is no faith. I've had dealt with
in the last year, I've dealt with two cases like that, literally 15
year olds, 14 between 14 and 16 year olds, a boy and a girl, they
were communicating with somebody and known to the parents, right?
Because it's done through either Twitter. It's either done through
Twitter, private chat, or some other kind of private chat. And
you can't see because a lot of the time what happens is that if the
child is very expressive, see, every teenager is different.
Everybody has a different personality. Some teenagers are
very expressive. They say everything in their mind. Right?
They speak about everything that's on their mind. And so you know,
exactly, you can read them, you know what's going on with their
life. So you can discuss, the more difficult teenagers are the ones
who don't speak, their closed books, the very sensitive, you're
trying to talk to them about something they they can angry.
They get upset. If you're a teenager like that. You could be
really, really damaging yourself because you're not willing to
speak to somebody about your issues. And you could be basically
going down the wrong way.
Right? If you have to learn to trust, reliable people, not just
somebody stranger that you find online or something like that. If
you're a closed book, and your child is a closed book, it's very,
very difficult, especially if they're sensitive because you
don't want to upset the scene says like, let them do it.
And then it's too late because you won't know until it's too late,
when they've lost everything. That's that's the most difficult
part.
That's why we can't just wake up to this when they become 16 and
17. This has to be done from a young age, so that we need to be
have that trust between us.
Allah subhanaw taala says in this verse that I just read at the
beginning. I think it's in sorbitol and
Turn, old people who believe Yeah, you Alladhina amanu into toquilla.
If you truly fear Allah, if you fear Allah,
meaning, you have consciousness of Allah, I don't like to use the
word fear Allah because fear means you run away from who you fear,
usually, or you fight with who you fear, right? Because we fear
somebody either gonna fight or run away with Allah, you don't do any
of that you can't fight with Allah and you can't run away from Allah.
So it's actually more reverent fear. Where I fear Allah in the
sense, if you want to use that word, it just means
I fear Allah, in the sense that I don't want him to see me somewhere
where I shouldn't be. I don't want him to see me disobedience. I
don't want him to see me doing something, I feel so embarrassed.
He's given me so much. I owe him so much. I'm here. I mean, I owe
him my creation, I wouldn't be here. If it wasn't for Allah. I
don't want him to see, I don't want him to be unhappy with me. I
don't want to do anything. And then he seemed me like that.
Right? So that's kind of what it is that if you're conscious of
Allah of what he is doing and what he wants from us, then the agenda
confer Karna. Allah will make a clear way for you a clear
criterion for you a clear distinction between what's right
and wrong. That is the most confusing thing. For a lot of
people, there's no know what's right and wrong, right? Where you
Kaffir uncom say you come and ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala will remove
from you your evil deeds, that if you do make mistakes, Allah will
compensate and expect them and forgive them. Well, Phil, the
company will forgive you. Because Allah subhanaw taala has immense
and mighty amounts of grace, and mighty amounts of kindness and
grace that He gives to people because that's how Allah subhanaw
taala is. Now a lot of people, they look at verses like this.
They think we're religious, I pray on time I fast I forced my kids to
pray and fast. And I think that's what's important. Now, this is
where it gets difficult. I sent they say I send them to Islamic
schools. I made sure they prayed all the time. I used to even wake
them up for the hygiene.
Problem is that, that doesn't always work that way. That's not
enough. It's good. But it's not enough.
You can't have a dry Islamic life because Islam is not supposed to
be dry.
I understand this from certain questions that people will ask me,
they get into some really, really nitty gritty stuff. And you can
tell that their life must be very, very dry because of the way they
asked that question.
Islam is enjoyable. Islam has to be made enjoyable, not a dry
religion that your child your children don't want to take on it.
How do we this is the biggest challenge. I think this is the
biggest challenge. How do we
enjoy life in a halal way that ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala has allowed
us to enjoy and our children understand that enjoyment, that
there's multiple ways of enjoyment within Islam.
For example, I got a call once from a sister who is saying that
I've got some relatives who are asking my children because my
children are finishing, they're going to going to finish halves of
the Quran. So they asking them, when is are you going to feed
everybody? When's the party for your hips hurt them? So now these
children poor guys, you know, they're 1415 years old, they come
into the parents saying when is are we going to feed everybody for
this? And this parent is asking me is that allowed to do? They're
saying this they actually religious people? Why are they
putting these kinds of ideas in my children's minds? They said, Well,
what's wrong with feeding somebody? What's wrong with
feeding something on happiness? I mean, don't people feed people for
happiness? Isn't it our motto? I'm feeding somebody good is not
obligatory. But isn't it armata on the voice Hello. Some actually
said feed people. Isn't this a good opportunity? And especially
in the way we are there are so many celebrations that are made as
an excuse to make more money for for for capitalist businesses
Mother's Day, and this day and Valentine's Day and that day,
which you know, we don't necessarily celebrate, right? So
can we not have certain days that are genuinely days of happiness?
Isn't finishing Quran? Something amazing. It's one of the greatest
miracles. So shouldn't we be feeling of course if you don't
have the money in the means that's understandable. Right. But
literally, this was a question in their mind. This was a question in
their mind was like what a dry people you are. So I had to tell
them off. I said like what's wrong with that? When do you feed? When
do you invite people for for you know, to do this with?
Why you being so so so stingy for you don't have to feed 1000 people
you can feed 40 people, 30 people, 20 people, at least your children
will think that yes, I matter what I did was accomplished.
Then you don't have to put Christmas lights up at Christmas
time.
This is attraction you go to school is going to be Jingle
bells, and there's going to be golden glitter at Christmas time.
And when it comes to your ear, you're at work.
And you don't even take, you don't even make either special time.
Just go to the morning prayer, that's all you do. That's prayer.
And you don't do anything else on it. There's no special food that
you make or nothing.
The Prophet saw some said, especially Eagle, fifth is the day
with your family, and food and drink. So you can make some
special food on that day. And in qurbani the second one, which is
gonna come up, it's all about meats. So have a barbecue.
You know, enjoy the meat, make it a big deal. understand the
significance of these things.
Because there are just so many celebrations out there, so many
excuses to celebrate out their birthdays and all sorts of things.
Right. I got a call the other day. Are we allowed to hold a gender
reveal party?
I said this person was I think she was an early master who asked this
question. I said, why would you want to do that four? Oh, an
excuse to bring everybody together? And then we'll just
gonna reveal the agenda because she's pregnant.
I said, Look, I don't like that idea. Because it's a trend. That's
why.
Right? Why does do you need a party to let people know the
gender just tell them if you're worried about them buying the
wrong color clothing, right? Or gifts, because they don't maybe
it's a male or female? Right? This is about this trend is about four
or five years old. It never existed before. Right? It's a new
one. Now you want to do it as well.
So it's just Why follow trends.
This is why what is very, very important, is make your own trends
that are important, religiously important. I said it's not haram
for a gender reveal party, I'm not making it haram, because I don't
see anything haram about it. But why follow a trend that is not
productive, be productive individuals. This is one of the
biggest challenges that we're having is that the reason why our
children want to do certain things, the social media follow
certain influences, and so on is because it's peer pressure. That's
what they hear from their friends. That's what the people around them
are doing. So they want to do the same thing. Now if we've never
taught our children to think independently, because we don't
think independently, that's why we follow trends as well.
Right? Except that because we're a bit wiser, we know what trends to
follow. But we're not willing to go against the grain, how are you
going to teach your children to go against the wrong kind of ideas,
and to be independent and be proud of their independence?
How you're going to do that if you can't do that yourself?
Who's going to teach your children to do that? Otherwise, they're
going to be swept away by the tide? Give you a very simple
example, on YouTube. You can actually check this out. There's
some teenagers 14 year olds, right? How old are you by
Mr. piller?
You're 14. All right. So you go to the park to play and you got some
friends down there. Suddenly, one of your friends, they give you a
spray can
spray him until you do some graffiti on this somebody's house?
Will you do it?
Why not?
You get in trouble. That's why nobody's going to find out. And
they're going to call your chicken if you don't do it.
You can't be their friend anymore. You can't be in that gang anymore.
You can't be in that circle anymore. You better do it.
Otherwise, you're not going to be part of them. Are you going to do
it? What are you going to do? You're not gonna have any friends
anymore. So what are you going to do?
You're going to stay at home. So why do you go to work in the first
place? You're gonna stay at home, then?
I know it's very easy to say that right? But do you understand how
difficult that will be? Don't you think it will be difficult? You
really think you're gonna say okay, I'm not going to do it.
You're gonna say that, right? So they did this experiment where
somebody was doing this. And most of the children ended up doing it.
The only children that didn't
buy and the only way they escaped is they literally walked off and
they said, I don't care. I'm going home. Why? Because they had a
welcoming home where they could go and feel comfortable.
They felt that was a century that was a place of safety. If you
don't feel comfortable going home and it's not a welcoming place,
then you need another group to belong to, and you're going to
feel bad, you might not want to do it, but you will do it because you
want to belong to that group. We've never taught our children
how to stand for the right
and step away from the wrong you're never going to be able to
do that.
That's why we have to be aware. You can't expect that the Montana
The mother Rosado, teach them all the time, everything, we have the
biggest responsibility.
So the only children that were able to walk away was like, if
they had a place to go to.
Right, they had a place to go to which was home. A lot of kids
don't want to be at home, they'd rather be outside because at home,
it's suffocating.
There's no enjoyment at home.
There's no enjoyment at home. Because the parents are too busy.
Or they're just too focused on the wrong things. Or they're just too
strict about certain things. There's no enjoyment. Islam is an
enjoyable religion. But a lot of people don't understand that they
think you can only get enjoyment in Haram. So you know, understand
how it's enjoyable to practice your Islam. You think all of those
people who practice Islam well, and do well you think they're like
boring people or something? Think the Sahaba are boring. Just read
their stories, you'll understand how enjoyable their life was, for
the sake of Islam. And they kept it right as well. There's
enjoyable, enjoyable life, beyond the Haram, you can do a lot of
Halal things. There's a lot of Halal things that you can do.
That's why I mean, multiple ideas, you can go on Halal trips, but you
understand what I'm saying. I'm trying to explain the
difficulties. The other thing is that if we want them to do so
let's let's just say that you want your child to pray Lord, at them
at school. And it's not a Muslim school or an Islamic school. So
there's no place. There's, you know, it's up to them if they want
to pray or not. And they have to find a room they have to, and they
constantly not praying in school. So what are you going to do about
it? So you have to be very, very practical about this.
So for example, you say, Okay, why didn't you pray?
Oh, it's because I couldn't do wudu say, why couldn't you do
well, though, because I
don't like to wash my feet in front of everyone. For example,
right in the toilets. Okay. So this is what one parent said,
Okay, fine. So his children have always worn we'll do socks. Normal
socks costs one to two pounds, we'll do socks costs 18 to 20
pounds each. For each pair, his children have one will do socks in
school. So it makes it easy for them to make money on the socks.
You have to invest in these things. And you have to think
about these things.
Why can you pray? Oh, I couldn't find a place to pray. There's no
prayer room. So okay, do you? Is there an empty classroom? Can you
speak to a teacher or you speak to a teacher, or the tutor or whoever
it is that look, my son, because it's wintertime with a hot animal
comes very close together. By the time they come home, then Mr.
Prayer, they barely they're mature, they have to pray. So
would you mind if they just take five minutes, just the place on
the side, we'll put out something and just pray. You have to
communicate, because you can't expect your children to just work
it out. Right? We have to communicate and try to give
practical examples about how this is done. It's very easy for
parents to just give iPads and things like that to the children.
And then let them entertain themselves for hours and hours.
And they don't bother you. Because there's on the iPad. And on these
kinds of things. There's a lot of amazing stuff that will keep you
entertained for a long time. But there has to be restrictions on
these things. There has to be your parents have to be so careful
about what their children are doing. They have to be so in tune
with their children that they recognize any change in their
children. They and when you live close enough with somebody you can
actually figure out just from their behavior.
There's something going on, they're a bit upset today. They're
concerned today. They're dismissive today, they're in
attentive today, they're preoccupied today. And then
slowly, slowly use tried to speak to them. A lot of times, if
there's a mistrust or distrust between parent children, you have
to get somebody else involved. You have to find somebody who can try
who, like a cousin, an older cousin, an uncle, that the child,
an auntie that the child is maybe got a better relationship with
because sometimes we burn our bridges. Sometimes we burn our
relationships, because, you know, maybe we were just too strict or
we just did it in a particular way. We don't have that open
communication anymore. Must be somebody else. somebody you can
trust. Let them speak to them. Let them as an older cousin, an auntie
or an uncle, let them speak to them. Find out what's going on.
It's our responsibility at the end of the day. We know when
something's going on with our children. We can't be so oblivious
in our own world that we just don't know what's going to have to
be aware all the time. For example, if teenagers start taking
showers or times
something going on what's going on here. They're not used to taking
that many showers and suddenly something going on. They stay
The toilet for a long time saying you've got a shower? Have you got
a problem? Is it a medical issue? Or is it something else? Have you
learned some bad, some bad practices, you have to cut it, you
have to speak about it, deal with it from a younger age from as soon
as you find out these things, otherwise, it's too late becomes
much more difficult. Okay, what I'm going to do is
to make it more relevant, I'm going to let you ask questions.
Okay. So then I can actually deal with specific questions that
relate to what's on your mind. What is the most important message
of today? You have to tell me that? Right? Every message of mine
was important, I think. So you have to tell me, which was the one
that you remember the most. Okay, whoever asked this question. Our
online games allowed way depends on the nature of the game, some
games are allowed, and some games are a bit weird. And some games
are not allowed. So if there if you can tell me which game you're
talking about, I can maybe try to answer your question better. Okay,
because there's so many online games, some are haram, some are
fine, and some are not too good. Okay, so tell me which ones you're
talking about. Tell our Aisha to ask him if the teenager going out
all the time and back home late? How can we advise them to tell us
start advice, the teenager about going out with non Muharram? How
can they stop their own? So again, you see, if you have if your child
likes to go out, and would rather be outside more than they would be
inside the house, then there's a problem. There's no enjoyment in
the house. That's why it's probably boring in the house.
That's why.
Okay, so you have to find out what ways to make it more interesting
to stain us now. Look, there's some kids who don't like going
out. Now we have a new issue. Some kids don't like going out, but
they don't like to be with the family either. They want to stay
in their room with their door closed on their computer. With
multiple people around the world, that's also a problem.
That's why the rule in the house should be that any devices must be
used in the public room, that everybody can see what's going on.
Because nothing should be hidden. What should be hidden? That
includes the parents and everybody. So very important rule.
That's why have I mean suggestion have desktops instead of iPads.
It's so easy to do things wrong with an iPad than a desktop, which
it's big screen, everybody watching it. Very important, bit
old fashioned, but that's the way it is. regulate the time. Now,
somebody's going out all the time, I need to find out why they're
going out. And why can't they be at home? Must be a reason. There's
no magic here. Because if I'm going to stop them, they're going
to feel upset. Why are they feeling upset? What is so great
outside? I mean, there's multiple ways to do this. If this child
wants to go out all the time? Well, you could say look, you want
to stay here You are under my rules. You want to go on in a
living for yourself. If they're old enough, and you want to stay
out that's your problem, go pay your rent, go find someone, some
place, other place to stay. You want to stay here, there's rules
here that you have to follow. But again, why were they allowed to
stay out for so long in the first place? Why are you asking this
question now for?
What happened?
Why were they allowed to do that the first time or the second time?
This is the question I'm gonna ask. So we have to find out why
they're doing this. Without that it's so difficult to answer this
because I don't want to I don't have magic. I don't have an answer
for everything. A lot of the questions require the
understanding of why they're doing what they're doing, so that we can
try to understand from that.
If someone punches me at school, Can I punch his face back?
But let's put it this way.
Question Is that why did they punch you?
Is it because you bothered them first. Like if you bother somebody
first and they punch you then Well, you asked for it right?
In Islam. Technically speaking, if somebody punches you on the arm,
you can punch them back on the arm, you can punch him on the
face, the face should be avoided at all costs. Nobody should hit
anybody on the face. Okay? Nobody should hit anybody on the face.
Now, what I would suggest is that if you punch them back, are you
going to get more in trouble? Let's just say there's somebody,
kids understand this. If somebody punches you and the teacher did
not see that, and then you punch them by getting angry and the
teacher saw that who's gonna get in trouble. Exactly. So don't be
silly about it. There's so many children, they're very silly about
this. They they get provoked, then they will do something and they'll
get into trouble because the other person is more clever about the
way they bothered you. So be intelligent. be intelligent about
the way you don't get yourself in more trouble because of somebody
else's foolishness.
Don't get yourself into trouble because of somebody else's
foolishness be more clever about it, celebration of birthdays
allowed? Or this? Or is there any age limit to celebrate birthdays?
There are two views about celebrating birthdays, according
to our orlimar. Some are against it completely that you don't do
it. Others say you can do it because it's not a religious
celebration.
It's a very common celebration. Now that happens everywhere. Is it
something that people do, because of the age, it's got nothing to do
with Christianity or any other religion, anything like that
anymore. It's a modern kind of idea now. So they say it's okay. I
would say that if you are going to get together on a birthday, we
don't do it. But if you are going to get together, then I think you
need to give advice, he should not just be a celebration that I'm one
year older. Because I don't see the point, I think there needs to
be a reflection as well. And when you're older, maybe I become bad.
Maybe I become mature now I'd become more responsible. I'm
getting one year closer to death as well. I've got one year less in
life as well. So think of birthdays as a as not just, oh,
I'm one more year older. Like, I don't get that what what did you
do? Maybe have it as a time of reflection, if you are going to do
something like this according to the permissible view if you are
going to do it. What did you achieve in the last year? While
all the good things that you've done? What are certain resolutions
you want to do for your next year? Okay, now you're nine years old,
or you're 15 years old now? Or you're 17? Now? Okay, what do you
want to do for the next year? What do you want to achieve? Maybe if
you want to do it as a reflected time, I don't see a problem with
it. But if it's just you're gonna have a birthday cake, you're gonna
blow the blow it out with one breath, and then you're gonna make
a wish. That's stupid.
Okay, you're just following the trend with no productivity. As I
said, if you need a new phone, then buy it because you need one.
Don't buy it, because it's the new one that's come out and you want
is completely fine.
Do you understand? Stop following people for wrong things be
productive?
You know, I'll give you an example. I just don't understand
one thing.
You know, when you have weddings, right? And he's going to be eating
time? Why do they put the shades on? Can anybody explain to me the
wisdom of putting the shades on when everybody is going to be
sitting, eating talking to one another? Can you tell me why they
do that? The wisdom behind it.
So why did they do this? Why did they put machines on when
everybody's eating?
It? They do this? Right? Don't they? Why do they do it? Is there
any reason? Is there any benefit in doing that?
Can you see what I'm saying? It's just because somebody else that
you think you have to do it. Just think for yourself. Stop becoming
cheap.
And I'm like, I'm sitting there and the mute and this new sheet
comes on. It's like, I want to talk like what's your problem? Put
this thing off? Oh, my mum said it has to come on. Like why you want
to bother you. It gives everybody a headache.
Just stupidity. Just because somebody else is doing it. You're
doing it.
If you want it to look nice, and you're buying flowers, because you
want people and you got the money and you can do it and not showing
up fine. But don't do it because everybody else does it.
Start doing things for productive reasons, rather than just
following the trend and wasting your money.
Okay, are there any other questions? Allahu Akbar Yukiya
Hui. So I guess your question is that, for example, the school
something bad happened on tick with a student on tick tock, so
they mentioned it to everybody. And there's other people who don't
know about tick tock. So now they're going to be curious and
find out about tick tock, right. That's what you're saying. That's
a very difficult thing to deal with. Because the school I'm
assuming, assumes that everybody knows about tick tock already.
Okay. So they're going to think we're not really telling anybody
about tick tock, everybody knows about it already. But we're trying
to warn people about the harms of tick tock, so I don't think
they're doing anything wrong in that. We just have to be careful
that we don't just start following everything that just because I've
downloaded tick tock twice or thrice, because somebody sent me
something, and it forces you to download the app. I downloaded it.
And then I checked a few things. And I was like, Man, this is haram
stuff. This is really bad. Right? So I got rid of it. Right? So what
I'm saying is that you just have to So I guess what I'm going to
tell you now is that all of our young people and our older people,
technology is only going to become more sophisticated and more crazy
and more realistic and more attractive. It's very difficult
for us to say haram haram haram because it's as good things you
can do with it as well for example, chat GTP and a lot of
other AI stuff that's coming out okay. We have to just be careful
how we deal with these things. We use them for what's right we have
our own boundaries, we've had them from before, right? The you can
apply them to this the prophets Allah Allah
Islam told the Sahaba he said I want it taco. Taco julu Sufi Turo
cards stop sitting in the roads on the roads, you know after Salah
you go and you sit around, they do that in many countries where he
stopped sitting there. Now, they didn't have any coffee shops or
anything in those days. So the Sahaba said, this is necessary for
us because this is where we communicate. And this is where we
discuss certain things that are important for us. Right? So the
Verizon said, Fine, if you insist to do this, then give the path,
it's right. Lower your gaze and
give Saddam and he gave certain conditions, same things apply
online, if you have to be online. If you don't have to be on tick
tock, you're not going to lose anything, believe me. Right,
you're wasting a lot of time, you could be much more productive
doing a lot of other stuff. Okay? Likewise, on YouTube, and a lot of
other stuff, especially tick tock is an absolute waste of time. But
he's very attractive, he knows exactly how to tune your brain.
Okay, they've put literally millions of pounds behind
understanding how your brain works, and what you like. And they
just know from what you which videos, you stay on more, they
know exactly what you like, sort of give you more of those. It's
like somebody there understanding you straightaway and giving you
exactly what you want. I like the sweet, they're gonna give you a
lot more of that sweet. That's exactly what it is. Don't think
that it's innocent? Don't think it's innocent. They know exactly
what, because they get more money, the more you stay on, tick tock,
how do they get money? Because there's advertisements, so
advertisers will pay them, right to be to Allah to be allowed to
advertise. And the more you go on, they just making money for them.
Right? So don't think you're doing them a favor, while you're doing
yourself a favor. Right? You're doing them a favor, right? So
don't waste time, we're going to have to be very, very careful as
the future moves on. Right. And technology moves forward about
restraining ourselves and what we do. Right. So don't just gone
check out everything that's there. If you want check it out, and then
understand is how I'm gonna get out of it. Can you run away from
the police, if they are Islamophobic to you?
I don't know where you're gonna go. If they Islamic phobic to you,
they're gonna come after you're gonna find your house. So that
might not be the best way to deal with it. The best way to deal with
it is to go and get some help. If they're trying to free me up for
islamophobe you know, because they say I'm a phobic go and get a
solicitor right? Come come to our brother Mohammed Semenza. And
He'll guide you to a solicitor or somebody that will help you to
otherwise running away. I don't know if that's going to help.
Okay. If the children feel like praying is annoying, how do we
encourage them to pray without feeling annoying? reason they
probably feel it's annoying is because they don't know why
they're praying. Why should they pray? Right? Why should I pray?
Right? I can understand some people are gonna think it's
annoying. So let me ask one of the kids, right?
What's your name?
Amar. Do you have an auntie that you really, really like? Who likes
you a lot. And whenever you go to a house, she gives you a lot of
stuff. She likes hugging you. And she gives you a lot of gifts and
sweets and things. Do you have an auntie like that? You do? Right?
Everybody should have one? Right? Everybody has one of those colors?
You have one as well. Yeah.
So now imagine you go to her house next time you ignore her. Okay?
You ignore her. And you go and run to your cousin's room and you
start playing and you just don't even bother saying salaam to her.
You don't bother greeting her? How is she going to feel?
Right. So now who gave you Who let you be in the world who gave you
wonderful parents who gave you the clothing and the food and you eat?
Right? So if you keep ignoring him, is he going to be happy with
you? So that's why Allah knows that. If we pray five times, we're
literally speaking to Allah five times a day. That's what he wants.
He says, I'm going to give you everything I'm going to continue
giving everything. I just want you to pray five times a day for me.
We pray out of thanks for Allah. Do you understand? It's just
because we don't know why we pray just feels feels like a chore. It
just feels like we're wasting time. What are we doing? We're not
getting anything out of it. We don't even know what we're saying
in solid.
Right? So let's teach our children what Fatiha means. What the What
what you get from prayer. There's a lot of virtues of what you get
as the benefits when you pray. So that's how we need to encourage
them. And Inshallah, if they understand the practicality of
prayer, they'll become better prayers in sha Allah is also
wonderful to add that I think works very well. It's from the
Quran, Rob BGL Nemo, Ki Masada to Amin variety Robina with acabado
amazing God, Oh our Lord, make me of those who established the
prayer who do the prayer and from my generations, not just my
children, but everybody until the day of judgment. So
A wonderful to our hearing that though as well.
Is it haram to be a police officer since you're risking your life? No
man, don't look at police officers risking their life, they're
actually risking their life to assist people. If you don't have
police, in the communities, we'd have anarchy. We'd have chaos,
we'd have people committing a lot of wrong. That's why you can be a
police officer as long as you do the right thing. And mashallah, I
think you guys in especially in new home, have a lot of Muslim
police officers just don't do the wrong thing. And as a police
officer, especially in some Muslim countries, police officers, take
bribes and all sorts of stuff. So it's worse there. But
you can be a police officer you're in can you listen to nasheeds?
With music? No, you don't want to do that. Because that's cheating.
That's wrong. Just listen to beautiful voices, live the musical
instruments. What do you do if you get bullied for how you are
example size or weight, etc. You need to go and talk to your
teacher and talk to the head teacher and your parents. You need
to tell your parents don't suffer in silence when you get bullied,
the worst thing you can do. Sometimes they might say if you
tell anybody we're going to beat you up the next day,
then it just becomes worse and worse. And it will just mess you
up and corrupt you inside. Right and make you miserable. Go and
tell somebody that you trust your parents firstly, then tell your
teacher
and they better help you. Okay, they have to help you. And if it
gets worse than that, then you know it can go beyond that. Okay,
is being homophobic bad because you are discriminating people.
Again, I need to understand what he means by being homophobic.
Homophobic is a very particular term. Right? In Islam, it's very
clear that there's a lot of things that Muslims as Muslims were not
allowed to do. Okay, for example, you're only allowed to have
* particular type with a wife, husband and wife only. If
they're not married, It's haram. Okay, so that's not allowed. Okay,
that's not there's a lot more than 50% of the people in this country
are fine with that. But we consider that wrong for a person
to be with an animal or with other crazy things. That's, that's also
haram in Islam. Okay, so likewise,
there's a lot of things like this. So this is not just a simple
question like that, in Islam, whatever is considered to be haram
is haram. That doesn't mean that we have to go around beating
people up about this, or discriminating against people.
Because there's lots of people who do wrong, for example, in Islam,
it's in It's haram to drink wine. I mean, there's so many people
drinking wine. Okay, you can say it's wrong. I don't agree it's
right. I should have the right to say it's wrong. Right? I don't
drink you want to drink. That's your problem. But um, you know,
that's, that's your issue. But I don't drink and I think it's
wrong. So if you do it to that level, that's completely fine.
Teenagers, if a teenager all a time in social media, and they
don't listen to their parents, how can we advise them? I think that
was my whole discussion.
What I do, what I think will be useful,
is you have to show them the harms of social media. Social media is
so gripping. And it's so immersive, and so obsessive, that
children think what's wrong with you, oh, my parents, that you're
not allowing me to be on there. It's so interesting, what's wrong
with it. So what I found to be useful sometimes is that there are
certain documentaries and articles written by experts on the harms of
social media. If I tell them, if me as a parent tells them, they
just gonna think I'm suspicious. Right? I'm just against them.
That's why have other people explain to them. Let them read
these articles. Watch these documentaries and this research
about how harmful it can be.
Like coming from someone else, it might be a bit more convincing.
Okay. At the end of the day, you're the parent, you should be
able to regulate.
You have to have a grip, you have to regulate.
What happens if you are forced to do sin if you don't want to?
Again, these are two general questions I can't answer is like,
I want to know what sin you're being forced to do and how you're
being forced to do it, then I can try to answer the question.
Because otherwise it could be hundreds of sins, big ones, small
ones, how you're being forced. I can't answer that question. You
know, unless you tell me so be specific. It's an anonymous
question. Anyway. I wrote a book on healthy Muslim marriage because
if the parents are not
You're not as parent me, I used to get a lot of issues.
So I wrote a book about that. I want to Inshallah, write a book on
how to be
In healthy children make dua. Right. But it has to stop right?
If the parents have issues then the children are going to be
unstable. Remember that the parents have issues, children are
going to be in an unstable situation.
And then a lot of them have a lot of problems because they in an
unstable situation. Children need both parents and they need
stability in the house seats you Oh, it's okay.
Just like a law hearin
Allahumma Yeah. Hey, do you have a younger medical history Allahumma
Yeah, her name Ananda either Hitler and the subharmonic in Naka
nominal vitamin Oh, except from us, for like set from us. Oh Allah
make it easy for us. Oh Allah protect us and protect our
children and our progenies until the Day of Judgment, oh Allah
protect everybody. And oh Allah protect us from all the challenges
which are out there. All the difficulties which are out there
all the confusion which is out there. Oh Allah guide us. All
right. Give us Taqwa. Give us love for your faith. And Allah give us
enjoyment in our faith. And our Allah allow us to be true servants
of Yours, to get a good understanding of that. Know Allah
protect us and our children and everybody, and especially our
brothers sisters around the world who are suffering, Oh Allah,
relieve them of Allah, You have blessed us in so many different
ways in this country. You have blessed us in so many different
ways. We thank you for all of this blessing that you have given us.
Oh Allah don't allow us to use the blessings in the wrong way and to
disobey you. Oh Allah protect us all. Oh Allah protect us from
humiliation in this world and hereafter protect us from the
fitness of this world in the Hereafter. While Allah grant has
sweetness in our faith and sweetness in our worship, and Oh
Allah, allow us to enjoy our prayers. And oh Allah grant us
wonderful parents and grant us wonderful children and a progeny
until the Day of Judgment, or Allah bless our messenger Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam ALLAH SubhanA wa barakaatuh believes in
him as a foreigner, Saddam Hussein from de la
point of a lecture is to encourage people to act to get further an
inspiration, and encouragement, persuasion. The next step is to
actually start learning seriously, to read books to take on a subject
of Islam and to understand all the subjects of Islam at least at the
basic level, so that we can become more aware of what our deen wants
from us. And that's why we started Rayyan courses so that you can
actually take organize lectures on demand whenever you have free
time, especially for example, the Islamic essentials course that we
have on the Islamic essentials certificate, which you take 20
Short modules, and at the end of that inshallah you will have
gotten the basics of most of the most important topics in Islam and
you'll feel a lot more confident. You don't have to leave lectures
behind you can continue to be, you know, to listen to lectures, but
you need to have this more sustained study as well as local
law here and Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.