Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Some Questions About Marriage
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When a person gets divorced, when a person divorces, there are
Islamic Islamically, there are certain obligations. If there's
obviously any debts between them, then they have to be paid. That's
a separate idea. But then in terms of obligations, the husband is
still responsible for the wife until she completes the entire
period, which is three complete menstrual cycles, you know, and
whatever that whatever that situation is.
Beyond that he is not responsible for at all because she's an
independent, separate woman now. However, if there's children, then
until they become stabilized for themselves, he's responsible for
the children's to.
And in some cases, if the wife has to incur expenses in looking after
the children, then obviously those are necessary expenses on the
husband as well. They have to obviously work together to come up
with a reasonable amount of what
of how the children have to be taken care of this law that we
have in various different countries where when divorce takes
place, the couples they take half of each other as well, that in
order to
in order to avoid that, in order to avoid that, then a prenuptial
is a very good idea. Right, because
otherwise, there's a lot of misery.
I know several cases where
the wife is the one who's caused an issue to start with. He's got 4
million, and she wants to take 2 million and not just 2 million he
wants, she wants him to pay the costs. Then, besides the 2 million
half, she also wants then a stipend for her and the children
who she's turned against him. Right.
For the rest of their life. Essentially, he's gonna have
nothing left. So
this is all unfair in that case. So in that case, I would
definitely recommend a prenuptial. Especially if you're going in with
some money, for sure. You should definitely I think it's a good
idea to have a prenuptial agreement, especially in countries
where Prenuptial agreements work, unfortunately, England that the
default was that they're ineffective.
Although now hopefully, it'll change. Hopefully, it'll change.
This is if pre nuptials are enforced here, then then you
should use them.
This is a really good question. And it's quite the it's quite a
bit of a struggle in the West, especially where a woman is not
being looked after by the husband. He's not looking after her. He's
not keeping her. He's not paying for her. And he's separated maybe
even from her or maybe he's there in the house. But he's not
basically doing anything she wants. They should be divorced,
really. But he's refusing to divorce her as well. He's refusing
to divorce her,
because he doesn't want her to get married again. So this is a
punishment. This is haram. Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran,
Saturday, Hoonah Saracen, Jamila, either do em sack properly, which
means either keep her properly or let her go. When you go to
Farrakhan yoga, Nila who call them sincerity. And if they do
separate, Allah will enrich each one of the two couples with his
vastness. People don't understand this. So there's different abuse
tactics that wives use, and husbands use after a marriage, or
when marriages are broken down. And these are all wrong. So what
should a woman do in that case, because she can't just give it off
to herself. So generally, the idea is that you go to, if it's a
Muslim country, you go to the courts, and they will look into
it. And they if they realize that he's acting unreasonably, and he's
not willing to take it back and treat it like a proper wife, then
they will force him either to give it a lock, or if he's obstinate
doesn't do that, then they will dissolute the marriage or equal
first Holika. So they have the right to do that in a non Muslim
country where you don't have Sharia courts, then generally what
you have there, or what should be set up a Sharia arbitration
panels? I don't want to call them Sharia courts, although some
people do call them and then the mainstream they get worried that
you are running a parallel court system. Although surely a court is
not a parallel court system. It has no effect. It has no
imposition power. It's just basically an arbitration panel.
That's what it is. That when two people come together and say look,
we
We're gonna make you an arbitrator. And we want you to
judge our case, that's all, that it doesn't have any right to send
police or to put you in prison or anything like this. So like in
England, we have several like this, I don't know about Sweden,
but in different countries, if there's not, then they should find
a place like that or go to another country where that is the case, it
is a bit of a lengthy procedure, unfortunately, because you will
have to sign up, you will have to petition for them, you have to
apply and tell them your story, they will contact or try to make
contact with your husband, right through his contact details. And
they will try to ascertain because you could have any random woman
coming to you and saying that I've got this problem that can you give
me a divorce, please? Oh, yeah, you sound right. Okay, let me give
you a divorce and husband doesn't know what happened. So obviously,
they have to do their due diligence, the more proof you have
of these things, the better. If you've got evidences for these
things, the better. So you go to, and if they find that the husband
is just basically not playing ball, he's upset that he's
punishing her whatever, then if they can't force him, then they
will dissolute the marriage. So it is a bit of a lengthy procedure.
But that's basically the only way you can do it unless you can use
before rather than going to the court, the more effective way to
be honest is to use family pressure. People that are can
speak to them, can basically persuade them, you know, in any
legal way, obviously, to just give a divorce, get out to advise them.
Or whatever the case, what I would suggest in some cases, for
example, there was a woman who got finally divorced from a abusive
relationship. Now I've seen in many cases, even when there's an
abusive relationship,
they spend time apart, because he's divorced. And then they feel
bad, and they want to get back together. This is weird
relationship that they still have.
They get time to think maybe regret or whatever the case, so
they want to get back together again. So on in one, in one case,
the wife went to a scholar, who she knew and said, Look, he's
insisting we get back, I don't mind getting back as well. Even
though she'd been complaining all along, right before this. He said,
Okay, fine. Look, what you should do now is if you do get back
by remarriage, then you take the right of one option of divorce. So
that if he does act like this, again,
under certain conditions, you can restrict it to a certain candidate
that if he does X, Y, and Zed, if he beats me, strikes me abuses me,
or whatever, right? Or doesn't give me money, whatever the case
is a particular condition.
And he's handing over one of his options for divorce to her. But
better get it like for your father or some imam or somebody third
party so that you don't arbitrarily do it, right.
That's what you call in Arabic. If we do Talaq you're handing over.
It doesn't mean the husband loses his right, he can also divorce but
then he's extending the right to her or to her father or somebody
else. So if X, Y and Zed happens, he can immediately apply the
divorce. So you don't have to wait them.
But of course, if you don't know in a fresh marriage, that this is
going to happen, then you can't do that from before. Meaning you're
not going to do that from before you can if you want to. But if
you're going to get a new marriage, and you're going to tell
them I want you to give me one right so divorced from before
they're going to probably going to get scared like why should I marry
if you're already threatening me with a divorce? What kind of woman
are you You see what I'm saying? So this is in a in a case I'm
giving you just ideas and options for where this kind of a case
is, becomes like that.
The story is of that Sahaba who said, I have no complaints about
my husband from his Deen perspective, decent guy,
fulfilling Allah's commands and so on. But I don't want to do kufr in
Islam, what that means the meaning of Kufa, I take there is I don't
want to be ungrateful, as a Muslim. Ungrateful means that he's
doing everything good. But I don't want to be ungrateful to him. And
there are various interpretations here. But one of the understanding
is that she didn't like him. She just didn't have the
compatibility. She didn't enjoy him, right being a husband. So she
says like, he's a nice guy, and I don't want because I don't enjoy
being with him. I don't want to say something or do something that
is going to be now ungrateful. So can I come out of the marriage? So
the Prophet sallallahu Sallam went, you know, he didn't want to
divorce, her husband didn't want to divorce her. But the promise
that I set them to act as an incentive. This is where you get
caught up from this is where you get the concept of Hola. She said
to him, Are you the promises and said to her, are you willing to
give him back the orchard that he gave? You said yes. Right. So this
is where you're paying for a divorce. And that's just the
procedure. You can use that if your husband, you can
pay him for a divorce, basically. Right? If that's the way to
convince him
So that is where so now the question here is that
the the question that crazy is that when can somebody ask for a
divorce? When should a man give a divorce? Under what cases? In what
scenarios? And what circumstances? And in what cases? Should a woman
be asking for a divorce because to ask for a divorce in when there's
no problem, then that's going to sound a bit arbitrary anyway. So
if you just cannot be together, then you divorce them.
There's Matt, and some men are just really strange. In this case,
the wife doesn't want to stay with him and they carry on, they keep
punishing them. One person came to me in a in a program once, just
several months ago, and he said, Sheikh, I need to speak to you.
I've been trying to contact you for such a long time. And I said,
Look, my numbers here and you can't call me. I don't have time
to speak to you now after the program. So he called me and he
says, Do you have an hour? I said, I don't have an hour. But let's
see, you told me. I've got so many problems. I got this problem. I
got this. I said, Look, just focus on the foundational, fundamental
problems. What is the issue? So he said, he said, basically, for
three years, my wife hasn't been with me. And we've been separated
for three years, like three years. What's going on for three years?
He said, Well, she doesn't want to stay with me anymore. And all the
rest of it. And I'm trying to get her back for three. I said, don't
you get the message in three years? What's your problem? Why
don't you just divorce? He says, No, I don't want to divorce I like
I want to be with So does she want to be with you says no. So I said
that. Three years is more than enough time for a miracle to
happen. Maybe you stayed one month, maybe two months, maybe one
year even after that, don't you get the message. It's spoiling you
It's messing up your life. You can't sleep properly, you're
saying it's messing up your job, you're losing your job, or
whatever the story was.
So just divorce her.
So the when I told him that and I said in your case you should be
doing because now you're probably punishing her. And now it's
probably wrong for you.
Right? Think of the verse in the Quran where Allah subhanaw taala
promises that if they separate were in the federal car, if they
do separate, you're gonna love who coulomb insanity. Allah will
enrich, will give Rena will give enrichment independence from and
he's got enough resource to do that. Allah is reminding you, I
have enough. A lot of men and women think that there's no life
for me outside of this marriage. So they hold on, even though it's
not working. It's not working. There's another person who came to
see me once after July says, she wants out. I don't want her to be
away. She wants to be away her parents, everybody. I said do you
think you're gonna get her back? He said no. But he says I don't
want to do the haram. I don't want to give a divorce because divorce
is haram. I said abadal halali ilahi. A talaaq. The most
repugnant of the halal so it's not haram. Right? When the case when
the scenario demands it, you give a divorce, you will not be sinful.
She has already caused if she is to blame, I can only speak
according to what you tell me. In a lot of marriage cases. I don't
make in most marriages, I don't make judgments. Because when you
listen to the wife story, you get convinced by her story. When you
listen to the husband story, you get convinced by the story. So
you're especially if you ever listen to America do not rush to
judgments. The only time you can do that is if you sit them both,
they both speak then you understand where the problem is.
And generally both are to blame. Generally speaking, I have seen
cases though, where only one side was to blame. And mashallah, that
was such an interesting case that the husband said she's a very good
girl, she's everything, but I just don't want to be with her.
And I am the problem.
I finally see if you do get those cases where one person takes all
the blame. Do you see what I'm saying? But it wasn't helpful
because he didn't want to be with her. So he divosta
She really wanted to be but then he wouldn't fulfill the rights and
everything. It was complicated. So where it's necessary, we're not
Catholics, we do give a divorce. And that's the best thing to do.
In that case. In the Catholics, they're not allowed to divorce if
they divorced. They're not they can't be members of the particular
church. Because and in in, in Rome, in the Vatican, they
actually trying to figure out how to modernize this. It's very
complicated for them. I went to the Vatican, this was one of the
discussions I had with one of the with one of the
members there, and it's quite difficult for Islam is very
balanced. You don't do it just arbitrarily but where it's
incompatible, just go for a divorce. Unfortunately, though,
husbands wives, they use these words that husband generally says,
I'm not going to divorce you I'm gonna punish her. She asked for
it. She messed it up. So did she deserves I said, No.
She's wrong. She'll be sinful. She's wrong. She won't have the
baraka. But now if you keep her beyond that, and you don't listen
to the Quran saying let her go
When it's all broken down, now you will also be sinful. Why do you
want to be sinful? Why do you want to make a mistake? What the wives
do on the other hand, is they use the children against the,
I've got a whole talk on, I don't want to repeat this. But I know at
least about 10 people very close to me, not like close families,
but in the area, or people I know, in different parts. Some of them
are even scholars, or educated people, and so on, where they have
the men have not seen their children for years and years and
years and years.
Because what the wife does, in many cases is the wife in some
cases is the husband, the it's called the malicious mother
syndrome, or malicious, the malicious person syndrome or
something like that. What that basically means is that when
somebody gets divorced or separated, there's so much anger
that you want to get back at them. And the only way you can do it is
use the law in the West. And in the law in the West, at least in
England, and I don't know what Sweden, but in quite a few
countries, it's very biased towards women, the mother, all she
has to do, she has to claim that the father is doing this wrong or
that wrong. And that's it separation. Sorry, the children
until they prove it, the husband has to get a lawyer, and he has to
spend a lot of money. And even then, even if the they say, okay,
it was wrong, what by that time taken three months, five months,
the mothers turn the child against the husband. So now they can't get
back together because they say there's bonding process. And I
said, I said there's about 10 cases that I know, to such a
degree that one person whose it happened to his friend, when he
got divorced, his child was just born.
In order to protect in the future. He said, I don't want anything to
do with the child. Don't bring him to me. If you want to you come and
drop him off.
But because he knew the wife is going to get back home. So then
after a few months, she said you need to look you need to see your
child, he needs his father and everything. So I said, Okay, fine,
if that's what you want come and drop him off. She said, No, he's
not used to you, my brother is going to have to be there or
something. And you see, she's trying to get back at him, said
you either drop the child off, or I don't want anything to do with
the child. All of his family is against him. All of his uncle's
father mother is all against him that how can you do this to your
own child? How can you dis own your own child when he I was
feeling strange as well about this, but when he told me his
story, I understand where he's coming from. He's seen too many
horror stories, that the ex wife will use that for the rest of
their life against against them. So he just said, it's better for
me not to even develop a relationship with my child. I'm
keeping everything on record. In the future. I'll show my child
when that happens. Another case, which is very advanced, mashallah
he after I don't know, 1015 years, somebody I knew 20 about 18 to 20
years ago, finally his children are with him.
The mother's family, they basically estranged the children,
and he paid for them all along, you send money to them every, you
know, all the time you send money for upkeep and everything, he did
his part. And they would not let him speak, see then eventually
speak or something like that. But finally, the child ran away from
his because his mother died. Eventually, she was sick. And it
was the extended family who carried on the problem who were
worse. Finally Alhamdulillah came another couple, a big scholar,
right? His he hadn't seen his two daughters for until they were 18.
When they became a team, they reached out to him because now
they were of legal age where they could do this. Their mother didn't
have a right over them. And now mashallah they've reconciled.
So this is these are things that happen from both sides. And this
is all haram and wrong. To deprive thinks they, they're punishing the
other parent, but what they're really doing is they're punishing
the children, because children need a stability of both parents
even if they're separated.
So these are really sad things that shouldn't be happening.
See, as we mentioned,
Allah subhanaw taala reminds us when we're getting married in the
hospital harjot That Taqwa is very important.
And, as I said, in marriage, you should try to do everything
according to the Sunnah. It's when you do things according to the
Sunnah, that the baraka is going to come even if you think you know
someone,
even if you think somebody is compatible with you, you know, all
the tests show it when you get together. The only way that you
will have baraka and agreement is if Allah wants it to happen.
That's why there's one person I know, right? Look at this study.
There's one person I know who
had read the Hadith
and everything. So he said that my marriage, I'm going to make sure I
do everything 100% halal, right, I'm going to do nothing wrong.
So what he did was, in those days, this was many years ago in those
days.
It wasn't a complete acceptable tradition to even speak to your
wife. Right in some cultures. So while he saw his wife for about
two minutes,
but he had done all of his due diligence, he had asked about her
from her friend from friends and other people, and so on, made a
lot of istikhara. And after that, he just heard her speaking once.
So he knew that she sounded okay. Because he'd never spoken to her.
In those days, I think they had, you know, the normal phones, the
light the phone lines. So while his sister was speaking to her
once, he picked up the other and heard her voice that okay, she
sounds okay. Right? He is happy with that, because
and you only saw her for two minutes. Then they got married. So
she was from another city. So they got they did the Nika and
everything. And then
she, the tradition in them is that when the husband comes to pick you
up, you sit at the back of the car with his sister, and your husband,
new husband sits at the front with his wife who will drive, sorry,
your husband will sit with his friend, they will drive you home.
So she was very tight. So she thought, okay, in the two hour
journey, I'm going to sleep in the back of the car, because it's
going to be boring, right?
So
this person, what he did was, he changed the tradition. He said,
she's my wife. Now, why do I need to sit at the front and she said
at the back, that's a weird custom. She's my wife and I can
sit next to her. So he got his friend and his friend's wife to be
in the front. And he even had a sheet that was put between the
seats, so you can get some privacy that I don't think he can afford
the limousine with, you know, so this was his way. Now, he sat at
the back and his sister thought that it's good to sit with them to
keep them company. So she said, so it's him. It was his sister. And
then the wife came and sat down. And she thought the husband were
going to sit at the front. But then he suddenly came and sat next
to it. This is the first time that they're meeting and the first time
you're going to speak imagine this right first time. But until now
you've done everything according to the Sunnah.
He said that within half an hour, they broke the ice.
Within half an hour. They started speaking as though that and the
woman is a very reserved woman in general, but Masha Allah is saying
that in half an hour, he broke the ice and they're speaking as though
they've known each other for 10 years. To such a degree that on
the way back, it was solid time. So they stopped at roadside, you
know, cafe or whatever it is to pray Salat. And along with them
was the other members of the family in another vehicle in a bus
or whatever. His sister felt now that I shouldn't be here anymore.
So she transferred over to the other and left him alone.
Right. This is what you call baraka
and Hamdulillah. It's it's carried on like that. You don't want to do
anything wrong in your Nikka and throughout your journey as well.
At the end of the day, that's just your Nika has taken place. Now
your husband and wife now you need to produce children, the big
journey starts now. Both your relationship and your children,
the children, you're going to bring in the Therby of your
children Subhanallah that's a big issue. And the only way you're
gonna have good therapy of your children is if you are living a
life of Taqwa.
If, as I mentioned, even yesterday, if the husband is
flirting around, the wife is flirting around, or now they have
a child and you're feeding the child and you're watching
something that is silly.
Just useless. Useless, soaps, useless programs, listening to
haram music, while you're doing this while you've got the child
while you're holding the child, husband or wife, whatever it is,
all of this will have an impact. I know one person when they got
married, he was so particular that he would not even take his child
into a store if there was music playing.
He would tell his wife you stand outside the child have gone by the
purchase or his wife will go in and he wasn't he didn't remain so
strong afterwards. But mashallah the first child of is is
different.
Everything you do in your married life will impact your children as
well. Because that's you are their first madrasa. You are there for
school you are their training grounds. They just see they
observe and the less haram you have in the house, the less haram
you bring in. The more Baraka you get
RIGHT. YEAH Dakwah is, is everything all your life will
become better higher than per year but is what we call it. We're
especially when it comes to husband wife relationships. It's
very important. And of course, if we make mistakes, you make Toba,
you repent to Allah subhanaw taala. So don't end the estimate
this, this relationship once you get married, anything halal, you
do it.
Right? Once you get married, everything Halal you should do
public displays of affection allowed in Islam, can we go around
the more like with their hands and then have a little kiss on the
corner. And all the rest of it, as you know, you see people doing,
right. So if you look at the life of the Prophet salallahu Salam, or
the Sahaba, you do not see that anywhere.
Right? Because remember, your personal life, your sexual aspect
of your intimacy is a private thing. In private, do what you
want, I've just explained it. But in public, it's not for everybody
to see. That's why if it's not in public, you do not put it up on
social media either. To get more hits, that's just crazy. That that
is not something you do. That doesn't mean that you can't hold
hands when necessary. If you've gone for ombre, or whatever, and
you think you're gonna lose, because so much is busy. You can
hold hands, it's not random, but you just don't do it sexually.
That it seems because then that just creates idea in people's
mind. You're not supposed to be there to show people that hey, you
know, we love each other so much. There's other ways to show that.
You don't need to tell anybody that.
That's why sometimes now on YouTube, you have these Muslim
couples even Nickleby and whatever, they're trying to show
affection to one another, and then they get messed up. Right? It's
just crazy stuff, anything you do, that's haram eventually is gonna
get messed up.
So that's why our religion doesn't encourage public displays of
affection. Just do it privately. That's good enough. Okay, I've got
a question here. Before we carry on that side. What are your
recommendations regarding polygamy in the West? What about women who
refuse and think it's outdated?
So you see, polygamy is obviously a sensitive issue. But let me tell
let me tell the women something, right, from a man's perspective.
If a lot of husbands talk about this, they're probably not going
to do it. But they talk about it. I speak to men and they go on
about it. And like a Is that something you really would do. And
while they may have this dream, but they probably will not have
the, either the monetary capability or whatever it is to
deal with that situation anyway, so most men aren't going to do it.
Just remember that. from a woman's perspective, the woman who called
me and husband's done it. Now she's the first thing that Jen
told you. There's a lot of women here told me if this is wrong, the
first thing that comes to your mind about when your husband is
thinking about another one, is that anti enough? Why?
One big issue? This is my experience, I want to tell you
from a man's perspective, I'll tell you a story. When I was in my
last year, I wasn't married yet, of graduating as an in the RDM
course. These other graduates had come who were married. And there
was a program so they'd come and they're sitting there talking
about second waves. I wasn't even married yet. But I said to him,
like, what's wrong with you guys? Why do you guys always talk about
second waves? Right? Like, you know, doesn't the one satisfy you?
So there's one of them, I still know him. Right? And I still
remember this is very calm. He didn't argue with me. He turned he
says, are you married? I said no.
And he said, Okay, get married. And then two years later, let's
have this discussion.
Right? So now, man, you can tell me if I'm wrong with this.
It doesn't matter how good your wife is. Right? She could be
literally the best woman in the world.
This is it's in a man. And that's where Allah has allowed it. That's
why I see the wisdom of allowing, even though it can
cause the other woman so much tension. Still Allah allows it
because men have this thing that even if you have the best wife is
just a variety you want doesn't mean you have to do it. But I'm
just saying that that's a need. Now.
What I'm saying is generally whenever a man talks about this,
the woman freaks out. And it just becomes I'm only saying this to
empower the women. That firstly, firstly, do not think it could be
that but in most cases is not because you have a shortcoming.
You could have no shortcomings, but your husband is going to be
talking about that. Why I'm telling you this is if you can
empower yourself to think that way. You will not freak out. You
can have a solid discussion about them without getting emotional
about it. And if that you have that discussion, you will empower
yourself and you'll be able to explain to your husband
And why it's unhealthy or whatever the case is. Otherwise, if you're
just going to become emotional about it as most women do, like,
man, that's an affront to me, right? I'm not, am I not enough
for you? What's wrong with you, etc, that it's not a, it can't
become a good discussion. They're going to keep torturing you read
this, right? Men should not torture their wife about this. If
you're not going to do it, as most of you aren't, right, you
shouldn't keep bringing it up. Some men, some men can just help
it. Right? They just this dream that they bring up sometimes,
right?
But please, women, please try to understand that while it's not in
the culture and all that, and it's illegal in the West to have a
proper second wave anyway, it's illegal. But what they do is they
just do Nikka. So it's, it's not considered legally anyway. Right?
And that's how they make it valid as such. So
people do still need to start looking at the fact that there's a
lot of women out there and mashallah, I mean, what I've heard
from Syrian women who are not into Polygamy In general, but those in
the refugee camps, they're like, come and marry us. We don't care
if it's a second wave or a third wave. Right? because how else are
women going to be looked after? How else are you know, we talked
about divorced women? How else are divorced women going to be looked
after in the town, the Sahaba, when he was just so easy? It was
because those things existed? That's why the answer to a lot of
this stuff is a bitter answer. Right. But there's a whole
framework chain that needs to take place. Right? There's a whole
framework thing. I mean, there's a woman she's been in a messed up
relationship for such a long time, she's now out, she's been out for
a long time, 10 years. And she goes, now I need a partner. I
hated man, I don't want to be with them anymore. But now I realized I
need but I'm 50 or 40. And 40. I think she was 14, I've got 3g And
who's gonna marry me? Right. And then she was even considering
marrying Missy, our marriage, which is not recommended, but
basically have a not temporary, if you're married to somebody, but
he's already married. With children, he doesn't want to make
a full commitment of a full second wife. So he's basically saying
that I can meet you, I can come and you know, be with you twice a
week or something like that. And she's, well, that's fine. I'm
already very, because a lot of divorce women, they become very
independent. They don't want to be under anybody anymore. Right? So
what I'm trying to say is that none of these things are standard
recommendations. is a, it depends on the individual. And what the
issue is, of course, if somebody there are cases where the wife is
not enough for him, or she's there's problems, or she wants
children, she just can't have children. Well, what what a lot of
men do is they just divorce their wife and get married another
person, I've got a woman right now, por convert. Right? I really
feel sorry for her. She was married. From Germany, she was
married for, I don't know, 10 years or something they couldn't
have children find he just dumped her divosta. Right. And
another solution in that is you do Nikka elsewhere. And you keep
both? Like, why can that not be possible. But for that the women
have to be prepared. All I'm saying is you don't have to the
wives the divorce the lesson. And when I showed her the Allahu anha,
she would get very jealous. When jewelry or the Allahu Anhu was
captured. And people said, Oh, she was told the province I was
married her. She went in a veil to look at her to see like, if she
does she look good. Right. And she was stunning. Right? And she
didn't want to know, like, you know, and so they had jealousy.
They used to do things. And Jealousy is a natural thing. And
that's understandable. That's not a problem, right? But if you can
just understand the core issue, that men just have this thing,
right? Even if you're the best woman in the world, then at least
you don't feel like it's a personal attack on you. You can
deal with it better. Right? It's generally the elephant in the
house, that discussion, you should just have the discussion and sort
it out. Right? And just not get perturbed every time because he
knows how you can irritate you by just talking about that. And men
should not do that anyway, but I'm trying to empower the women when
senior men do that, or they can't help doing that. Seriously. You
know,
if the men do not know women's hormonal issues, right you're
you're you're you're gonna have a problem you need to understand so
you can have the sovereign tolerance and you know I didn't
mention this you know, the person has some said
it's those who've been sad haven for in Hoonah Holly economic villa
in our which mean the line where in the average a shaman, a doula
er Allah, right for those who witnessed a higher on my
explanations of this, the crooked rib Hadith, which perturbs a lot
of feminists but to be honest, Allah, the Prophet also is saying
to men that you know, you think, you know, when men I don't do
this, but when men get together, and when women get together among
themselves, there are certain things that they told
About men and women talk about and men talk about women. Now what the
Prophet salallahu? Is this my understanding of the person and
saying that you men, right, listen carefully, you men, if you think
your wife is crooked, right, if you think she doesn't have to be,
because that's her nature. That's her nature. That's not
crookedness. That's the nature but if you're in your site, she is
crooked, then you're never going to be able to straighten her.
Right? He's saying, if you think in your perspective, she's
crooked. That's her nature, you're never going to be straight. And so
you better treat her well, and develop a relationship with that
crookedness. Otherwise, if you try to correct her, and make her like
you, you're gonna break her.
Right? I think that's a wonderful understanding of the Hadith. You
can have whatever perspective but make somebody with them. That's
the way it is, you will never understand women fully.
Right? Unless you've been married to like 20 women and you know, you
you really like become an expert. Men will never understand women,
but women will never understand men. But at least you'll
understand if you can just take a lesson from the basics. You can
get a better relationship.
Right? Sobor Taqwa patients, I think that that should do it.
Informal things like okay, so shaking hands, hugging, chatting,
joking, flirting, these are all close to Zina. Right. They say
that looking of course looking. What else? Thinking involves
thinking voluntarily fantasizing.
an involuntary thought comes you can get rid of that because you
can't help them but you get rid of it, but voluntary fantasizing. You
have you know, men and women should be so careful about the way
they speak to one another. Because the other side will think you
know, you're just trying to be nice. And other things things Oh,
you're making an opening. So then they'll come on to you. And then
you want to be polite so you don't want to throw them off. Here you
don't want to be polite. You want to say no, cut it otherwise you'll
get drawn into it. Okay. So let's make a DUA and we end this measure
this llama into Salam Inca Salam Tabarrok their their journey with
the Quran, Allah who may or hate you yaka. You Mirotic understudies
Allahu Manya Hannah Yeoman Illa and Subhanak in good nominal body
mean Allahumma salli wa salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa earliest
either now Mohammed or vertical Salam Yeah. Or hemraj he mean,
yeah, Medina Judi. Welcome. Yeah. Hiral, mas Olean were hired on May
18. Were a caramel Ackerman. We asked you for your mercy. Yeah
Allah we asked you for your special forgiveness of Allah We
asked you for your special attention of Allah. Those here who
are married of Allah improve and enhance their marriages of Allah
make their spouses and our children, our spouses and our
children, our progeny until the Day of Judgment, a source of
gladness and joy for our sight of Allah allow us to understand our
weaknesses, our problems, our issues and correct them. Oh Allah,
Oh Allah make our defects clear in our sights of Allah subdue the
defects of our partners in our sights of Allah can seal the
defects of our partners in our sights so that we can have a happy
married life. Oh Allah, we ask that you remove our defects, Oh
Allah, we ask that you give us a blessing and Baraka in our
marriages. Oh Allah, those who are not married Oh Allah grant them
righteous partners. Oh Allah grant, grant them righteous
spouses of Allah those who can't have children, oh Allah grant them
children. Oh Allah, those who want blessing in there. Oh Allah, those
who want harmony. Oh Allah grant them that harmony. Oh Allah grant
us all harmony, Allah forgive us, especially those sins which have
brought the darkness in our homes, those sins which have brought
taken away the blessings from our homes, those sins which have
caused friction in our families of Allah those sins which are
preventing the good things from happening to us. Oh Allah and
especially those sins which
have become now part of our life and we don't even consider them
sins anymore. Oh Allah grant us beneficial knowledge of Allah
grant us good experience grant us good surroundings good friends, oh
Allah and make our surrounding conducive for the worship of our
for the worship of you and for the practice of our faith of Allah
accept our coming here together except our spending the two days
here. Oh Allah make this a great source of blessing and baraka and
enhancements in our in our lives in general. Have Allah bless all
of those who have established these places of Allah, the aroma
and all the volunteers and all those who work tirelessly to make
these
Things happen. Oh Allah accept this program. Forgive our
shortcomings Oh ALLAH surely we had shortcomings or ALLAH forgive
our shortcomings. Oh Allah any mistakes we have made Allah allow
us to correct those mistakes and oh Allah allow many other good
things to happen from this program and from this place, and oh Allah
unite us together in general for those suffering Subhan Arabic
Arrabida is at the mercy phone or Salam, anon Marcelino Al
Hamdulillah me