Yousuf Raza – The Best Gift a Parent Guardian Can Give
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the importance of helping a friend recover from a grief, and advises parents to encourage their children to use the experience of their
mother to encourage their children to pursue their potential. They also mention the importance of not letting anyone
to have their legacy affect their future.
mother to encourage their children to pursue their potential. They also mention the importance of not letting anyone
to have their legacy affect their future.
AI: Summary ©
How to console and help a friend struggling
with intense grief of the death of their
mother four months back so that's What the
question just give me a second here when
we organize my questions just that had a
bit Yeah Okay, so
there's that's the question somebody lost their mother
four months ago And they're having difficulty recovering
from That grief and this bereavement as a
friend.
How do you?
Help them.
How are you supposed to be there for
them?
in this process see now It's not easy
to console anyone In the acute stages of
grief ie when grief has just taken place
and um When it's been even quite some
time a few months as the questioner Put
forth in front of us that it's been
four months what you have to remember is
before you extend any kind of Support in
terms of telling them what to do or
telling them what not to do and Instructing
them in this or i'm making them understand
that That is all secondary What is primary
that what you need to do as a
friend?
And as a family member is to be
there for them emotionally That if you're there
And you don't even have to be there
with a lot of um A lot of
words of consolation with a lot of words
of affirmation.
You don't even have to do that You
just have to be there So the person
knows that if I need someone if I
need a shoulder I got this friend or
I got this family member You don't have
to verbalize it as such if you can
then that's good but a lot of times
we're at a loss for words in such
occasions precisely because Uh, we may not have
experienced this kind of a loss in our
own lives so all the more reason for
us to try to Not try to say
too much But if on the contrary we
have experienced Uh grief ourselves we have bereaved
At some point in our lives to a
similar extent Then that does give us something
of an edge To communicate better to understand
to empathize better to be there for the
person in a whole different way So that
would be the first advice i'd give be
there emotionally Articulate if you have your own
experience guiding that articulation guiding that expression that
you would Express to your friend in their
particular state of grief and then what you
would try to do when Conversation does get
started and you should wait for the bereaving
person to start and initiate the conversation Don't
force it on them don't um You know
don't egg them on to try to talk
about something like this If they initiate something
like this or on your initiation They take
it up and they want to engage and
talk about their mother.
They want to talk about their loss Then
this is the moment for a constructive conversation
and what you would want to do in
such a situation Is to remind them Of
what they can do in memory Of their
beloved now that it has been a couple
of months that how would their Beloved their
beloved mother in this case or anyone that
they've lost in their family.
How would they want to see them?
After they're gone How would they have wished
for them to move on?
If you can steer the conversation in the
in this direction understand that this should not
be how you begin The conversation this should
not be how you uh Just abruptly tell
them that how how would your mother Want
you to be in this stage or after
they were gone?
I wouldn't advise that to be the first
sentence at all Allow for the conversation to
move on for them to open up and
then steer it in this direction the most
meaningful Practically that you can uh lead the
conversation to become i.e. What can you
do now?
So as to be able to make your
mother proud Uh, if she were to think
of you after her life Particularly in the
case of parents.
It would be the greatest gift that parents
Give to their children Is the ability of
the children to move on after them?
That how well?
My child can survive without me When i'm
gone Is The best I can do for
them that they do not need my physical
presence anymore And to remind the bereaving person
After the emotional support has been provided That
your mother your father or your loved one,
whoever you've lost May not be physically there
with you But in terms of their legacy
In terms of their lessons in terms of
what you meant to them their love for
you As far as all of that is
concerned You are more than capable of living
with them You are more than capable of
living for them.
You are more than capable of Bringing that
legacy to life bringing those lessons Eternalizing them
through enacting what they've taught you what they've
inspired you And the more you're able to
do that in their memory the more you're
becoming The person that they wanted for you
to become any regrets that you may have
had from before that My mother my father
would have wanted me to do this or
that Maybe I can start something along those
lines.
I can't be exactly that but Something along
those lines to whatever extent possible slowly gradually
taking my baby steps there would uh Would
be my way to go And to help
inspire the person to gradually come back towards
their usual routine As best as possible Give
them time to grieve Give them time to
cry even Don't take that away from them,
but do not take away their recovery from
them.
Do not take away their meaningful uh enactment
of the memory of their loved one of
the lessons and legacy and instructions of their
loved one of how they can become more
in the image Of how their beloved saw
them How they saw their potential and they
wanted to live up to that potential and
so to move towards Bringing that dream that
that your beloved had Making it come true
Right.
So that's a little something there's a whole
lot more that can be said and that
can be done but we uh suffice with
that