Yassir Fazaga – Before You Say I Do – EP04 – PT 2

			Fulfilling Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

			And welcome back.
		

			If you're just joining us, we're still talking about male female relationship. And we're talking
about what is out there, we just spoke about connection and what it is. And now we're talking about
a real committed ethical relationship that we call merit. That is a long term relationship, so
temporary. And it's an association that is based on these three things, that we care for the
happiness, we care for the well being, and we care for the development of the person that we are,
that we are when you care about the well being of the person. What does that mean, the well being of
the person? You know, sometimes it is so sad that you get people saying that you know what, we had a
		

			sister that calls from the hospital, she said, I am in the emergency room. Can you please tell my
husband that I'm in the emergency room? Well, how come you don't tell him? How come? He doesn't
know? She said, I tried to tell him I had the doctor call him, but he would not listen. And she's in
the emergency room, yet. Now we call it in reality, or you know, on the surface it, it looks like
marriage. But what about caring for the well being of the other person we're talking about, but only
the well being the physical well being of the person, but you know, what? emotionally? What about
the well being of that person psychologically? What about the well being of that person? And what
		

			have you, so you care about the well being of that person? And then finally, you also care about the
development? What does that mean development? Exactly, the marriage is an opportunity to do what to
develop, and to grow as an individual, as well as, as a couple, it opens the doors. So marriage does
not mean that people become stagnant, but rather it means that people are also growing as
individuals, and they are growing together, as well. Now, there are many myths, when it comes to the
idea of love. What's the myth, it's a lie that's being believed. It's a lie. That has been believed,
we speak so much about love. Yet, we do not have a concrete definition of what love is. And because
		

			we do not have this concrete definition of what love is, we develop our own myth, our own
definitions of love. So you ask a person who thinks that they are in love. And he says, so you're in
love? What does that mean? What do they say? Hmm, they give you the look that they really think in
deep, and they say me, love is like a ghost. Everybody talks about, but nobody has seen. And
supposedly, they think that they just give you a good answer. Love is like a ghost. Everybody talks
about, but nobody has seen. That doesn't tell me anything. Or a person may say love is when I see
her.
		

			My heart skips a beat.
		

			Say That's nice. If your heart is skipping a beat, you're not in love. You're having a heart attack.
		

			What does that mean? We can't define it. Everybody talks about love is this and love is that. So
what happens eventually is that we have created our own myth, our own definition of what love is
what's love?
		

			Oh, you know, it's there. You know, it's there. What's love? It's a feeling. And because it's a
feeling, it must be true. It's a feeling that makes you feel happy. That is really good. The feeling
that makes you feel happy. Masha, Allah. Nice. What is it? It's an emotion that you feel for your
spouse. Okay, what do you see this? Do you see this? So what happens is, because we're not, we speak
about this so much. And we really do not have a concrete definition of what it is, then what happens
is that everybody can have their own definitions of what love is. They say that some of the most
beautiful definitions of love come out of children. They interviewed a third graders, and they said
		

			What is love? So this young girl said, Love is going to McDonald's.
		

			And then she said, somebody will give you some of their french fries without asking any of yours.
What are they saying? Which leads are sharing.
		

			There is no sharing taking place. But what happens is it is when you give without expecting anything
back to her love is when I give you some of that. And I don't ask any of yours. She said that is
love. It's beautiful. It does not answer the question, but it's cute. you'll agree that it's cute.
Okay, they asked another girl and then they said What is love? He said love is when my grandma makes
the coffee for my grandpa. And then she takes a sip of it. To make sure that it tastes okay before
she gives it to him.
		

			That's beautiful. What is she saying? It's caring but also it's what most
		

			Happiness comes from what?
		

			From making you happy. So I am going to taste the coffee and making sure that the coffee tastes good
so that when you taste it, you like it, when that makes you happy. It makes me happy. Does that make
sense? It sounds very childish, but in reality seems like they have better definitions than the
definitions that we come up with. So what happens is the lack of a precise definition of love has
created so many myths about it. And we will talk about 10 myths that people have about love. What do
you think is the biggest myths that people have about love? Love is blind love is dumb love is deaf
love is everything. Love is blind. What does that mean? Hope will cache you or me why you assume? He
		

			said your love of a sin. It blinds you. And it takes away your ability to hear? Which is what you
said. And that is what what do you love? You don't see? Well. You don't hear? Well. Sometimes you
don't even see at all and you don't hear at all. You don't see signs. You don't hear to people. You
don't listen to people talking to you and what but we'll talk about this more. But what are other
myths of love? Haha, everything is what? Everything is fair. What?
		

			Everything is fair in love and war. Okay, somebody said something else.
		

			Love at first sight. I do believe in love at first sight. But I think you should take a second look
to him.
		

			Okay, you know, do you think that if we have miss about love, this will have an impact on us later
on? Or we will see let's look into the first four.
		

			The first myth.
		

			Love is forever. That's one huge big Miss. What does that mean? If somebody really believes that
love is forever, what do you think is going to happen to them? No matter what you do to me, I will
always love you. No matter what you do. I will always love you. No matter what happens on your part.
my love to you is absolutely conditional. Always say, well, that's nice. Why are you sad about this?
I mean, to have somebody that loves you all the time like this. Regardless of what you do. That's
nice. Why are you messing it up for us? isn't love is supposed to be forever.
		

			Is love conditional our love to people shouldn't be conditional or unconditional.
		

			may give you an example of what happens. Takes a woman in the US these are us statistics. A woman
who is in an abusive relationship. By abusive I mean about somebody who's being verbally and
physically abused, it takes them an average of 18 to 25 years to ask for divorce. Mind you, these
are women in the US who can just walk out. And they can just go and file a piece of paper in six
months, they're out. But it takes them an average, which is the average of 18 to 25 years to leave
somebody who's alcoholic, somebody who is abusive, somebody who hates them, somebody who just does
all kinds of things to them, what happens, they would not leave them for 18 to 25 years. Why?
		

			Because they believed in this man. They believe that love is forever. Now it's nice to think that
you know what I hope that the person whom I'm in love with, they do not change that my love to them
becomes forever. But the minute we start thinking stuff like that, love is forever, then we are on
some very dangerous ground later on. What another myth would you come up with? Remember that at
least what did I say? 11 1011 of them? How about this? love conquers all? What does that mean? No
matter what the other person does, my love to them is going to make them stop. I have seen people
who married somebody who is addicted to either * to either drugs or the person was
		

			alcoholic. And then they come and they say love conquers all. They love to me is going to make them
change. My love to them is going to make them change because they believe that what love conquers
all.
		

			No matter what the other person is doing. love
		

			conquers all. Can you imagine what would happen to a person who gets themselves in this type of
relationship? You know, they get into this relationship and then they love the person they love the
person and nothing is changing. What would a rational, sane reasonable person conclude? They're not
what
		

			is not working and they are not changing? You know, a person who believes in love conquers all. You
know what they do? They say what? I am not loving them enough. Because if I was loving them enough
what would happen? love conquers all.
		

			But somehow Love is not conquering also what happens, my love to them must be what? There must be
something wrong things. So it's based on this myth that this person is going to live the rest of
their lives in this misery because it's all based on a myth. It's a lie that they have decided to
believe the Miss and love was the topic of our talk today. We are not done with it. We're glad that
you're joining us. And inshallah, next time, we'll be continuing with the rest of the myths that we
have about love. Until we meet next time, shall we say so long and Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa
barakato.