Yassir Fazaga – Psychology of the Muslim Parents

			Although they will Lahaina shaytani R rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen
wa salatu salam ala Ashraful Ambia. It will authorial mursaleen Rasool. I mean, you have your bill
Alameen Mohammed and Salawat Robbie was Allahu Allahu Allah early he was so happy to help you be in
a poor hearing in Al Hamdulillah Muhammad who want to start, you know who want to start here who
want to study when God will love him and surely unforeseen. I will say RTR Marlena Maria de la HuFa
la mobula Oh my god, Lil fella de la hora shadow Allah ilaha illallah who had the whole luxury
villa? One know Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Abdullah who are also in US local Hadith he
		

			Kitab Allah wa Hiral Howdy, howdy Muhammad in sallallahu alayhi wa salam, in the name of Allah, the
Compassionate, the Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah. We bear witness that no one is worthy
of worship but Allah And we bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is indeed his
final messenger. The best of speech is a book of Allah. And the best of guidance is the guidance of
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. May Allah Subhana Allah make us amongst those who listen to
the best of speech, the book of Allah and follow its commandments. And may Allah Subhana Allah make
us amongst those who come to know the best of ways, the way of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
		

			and make us amongst his followers. Allah whom I mean Allahumma Amin Allahumma Amin, Ya Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Who are they?
		

			Now huge it up. Whether unfit dunya in La Jolla, Tata la la sala Hebner Allah who must have been an
hour but I mean, there is no parent or father or mother. But we want the best for our kids. And may
Allah Subhana Allah grant them that which is best Europa Allah mean. This is not only our wish, this
is not only for the people in the masjid, but this is something amongst humanity. And we see when
Ibraheem Alehissalaam where he prays Ramadan Nemo, Pema salah, it will mean Zuri Yachty.
		

			And every time Ibrahim alayhi salam made a dua in the Quran, his children were included in that
group every time you look it up every time Ibrahim prayed, he made a prayer was not only for
himself, but it also included his children, your Allah make me of those who are constant in their
worship to you, and also have my offspring or Allah, what US Lenny, if he is a reality, as Allah
Subhana Allah tells us that people pray for the righteousness of their children, as well.
		

			And where we live, by means of observation, Inshallah, today just going to share with you what
people have deemed to be, what is it that parents do that is leading towards that. And this is not
to meant to guilt people or to teach people. Almost everything that I'll be sharing here with you
today in sha Allah is going to be something that we all know. But we just need to be reminded off.
And that is the purpose Friday prayers, they can be educational, they can be informative, but
they're also reminders was cared for in the zakra 10 fall meaning is that remind people, which only
believers that heed these reminders. First thing that we know is despite all the different costs
		

			that we see in the culture, about how important the individual is and how the individual is the most
important element in society. All research is telling us that's actually not true. It is not the
individual that is most important. It actually is the family that is most that is most important.
		

			Despite of the overwhelming propaganda that we get that our kids, you are special, you're this they
are they are important, but an individual is not the most important block in society. It is actually
the family that is most important.
		

			And we all do we start talking about what the kids can do. Another research also, Alan Glenn ski,
the Work and Family Institute, interviewed 1000 kids, they got 1000 kids together. And they said if
you had one wish, and it would be granted to you, if your parents, what would that wish be? And they
asked the same question to the to the parents asking them, What do you think your kids are going to
say? And most parents guessed that I'm very sure my kids would say that
		

			I wish that my parents would spend more time with me. But that's not what happened. Most of these
kits of these kits that were interviewed, they said, We wish that our parents were less anxious and
tired when they were with us.
		

			That's really interesting. See, something happens to us, when we are tired and anxious. What happens
to us are those of us who have experienced being tired and being anxious, we know this.
		

			But what's interesting about this research is that the kids actually picked on it, what happens?
People who are tired, they have very little tolerance for arrogance.
		

			They are not very tolerant, we're just tired. Especially when you're physically exhausted, you're
just tired. When you are tired, you're not a good listener.
		

			When you're tired, you don't show enthusiasm.
		

			When you're tired, you are less optimistic. We'll add anxiety into this as well anxious about what's
going to happen tomorrow on what do I need to do by tonight and what needs to be ready for this and
what needs to be ready for that, then you experience what we call burnout.
		

			So first thing that we learned is that when we actually we as parents, when we relax, something
happens to the dynamic in the family, very incredibly interesting. SubhanAllah. So what do these
parents do? They say that
		

			successful parents, what they do is that they observe.
		

			And they encourage
		

			parents that are not very successful. They spy in order to find faults.
		

			They observe. And they encourage Pilu EULA have, where you shed your
		

			most Yetta justice while you are lit. They observe and they encourage our kids of Hannah do a lot of
incredible things. They do a lot of good, in addition to being mischievous and they being good, but
they do a lot of good. And the tendency sometimes is that we only pay attention to the wrongs that
they are doing. And all the good that is taking place gets to be missed out.
		

			And as a result, they feel that you know what being good is not rewarding. What is really rewarding
is what do people pay attention to? Because remember kids, they value things because of the
attention that they get because of it at least initially. And if being good does not really get me
that attention does. It's not validated, it's not valued. It's not even recognized. Then what
happens is, you know what, it's not really that good anymore. So first thing they say is that good
parenting is creating this ability of seeing the good and encouraging more of it. Why is that?
Humanly Subhanallah they say that any behavior that gets rewarded is a behavior that will be
		

			repeated.
		

			Second thing about parenting, good parenting, they say that
		

			the good parents also all invalid energy word also the valid valid or invalid the nudge your Tamil
ma Urbinati Allah has a pallet Timo Neff Sia, more Allah has a political message.
		

			Say that good parenting also is about dealing with their kids in accordance to their their kids.
emotional state. Not according to the parents mood.
		

			Don't talk to that today. He's in a bad mood, or you better not get near mom to a man. It's not her
day man. Now, so they say that good parenting is about recognizing the emotional state that these
kids are in and behaving accordingly, not our own moods. The best of this was Muhammad sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam. nsfx nomadic tells the story all cannily us one. Min. Min Abby said that I had a
half brother said when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once visited us. And he said that his
name was Rama year. Ahmed was three years old. And he said he was just sitting there and the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would often come and visit and he said that the Prophet sallallahu
		

			alayhi wa sallam came and he found my half brother holding a small birthday and he just looked sad.
And then the Prophet peace be upon him came to him and he said, Your Abba Amaya. Martha Allen. Nora,
is it? Am I even though he's just a three year old kid already gave him a nickname making him feel
like a man about oh, my name is Amaya was a father of mine. He said what happened to them right i
		

			and said that he just smiled to the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam the birdie is not feeling well
and he's just rubbing on the on the birdie. Say that few days later the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wasallam comes and visits and sees literally Oh my god. And then the first thing the Prophet peace
be upon him asked is Ma Murtha Elena, right. But I made it. How's the little birdie doing? And
honestly Malik tells the story and he said, the kid rushed to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wasallam. And he started screaming, Martin over here, Matt and Roy said that he rushed to the
Prophet peace be upon him, threw himself on the Prophet peace be upon he said, Prophet of Allah, the
		

			bird is dead, the birdie is dead.
		

			And I'm a prophet of Allah. Man, I need to save humanity, I need to teach people about salvation. I
need to be meeting with this tribe in this delegation is visiting over and you're talking to him
about the Brady that is not feeling well? Yes. Why do you do that? Say that with kids, usually you
deal with them in the accordance of their emotional state, not because of our mood. The fact that I
didn't have a good day at work, does not mean that this gives me a green license, or a light green
light or a license that I come and I be abusive or rude towards my family. Don't get me wrong, we
all have our moments of bad days. But by no means my bad day, my bad mood is going to reflect on the
		

			way that I deal with my with my family.
		

			second, or third point they say about these about these families or about these, these
		

			these parenting style, they say up our own energy 100 You help file you feel of God? Well, are you
fill us up?
		

			At the law prefer you feel of God? Well, are you Cyril as well. They say that parents who are
successful, what they do is that they enhance people's ability to think rather than get on their
nerves.
		

			That's really sad. When we as parents, get on our kids, nerves, man at that point, we're not really
motivating them to think, but we are just emoting them to be to be angry. And they say that good
parenting do not do that. There was actually a research that was done, I believe it was at Emory, if
I'm not mistaken. I could be wrong about this one. But what they did is they asked a group of
parents, and they said, will your children so the research was about families that have mission
statements and vision statements. What is our family? Like? What is our family stand for? And the
research has suggested that the parents sit with their kids and see if they can come up with a
		

			mission statement about their families. But then they said, Wait a minute, mission statements are a
reflection of the values that you hold. So they asked the parents and they said, will your children
be able to identify the most important values to you?
		

			Will your children be able to do that? Well, sometimes we say don't lie. Sometimes we say tell the
truth, no matter what. But everything else seems to be a lot of yelling that is taking place. So
they said, ask yourself that question. Will your children be able to tell what are the most
important values to you? You know, the Quran alludes to this, I'm going to shahada is how they are
cobalamin is already Benny Hema taboo and I'm in body. So what do you present? When you're over
Alayhis Salam in his time of death? His children around him? He said to them, what will you worship
after I pass? This is him inquiring about are you aware of the values that I wanted to pass on to
		

			you? And Hamdulillah? The answer was not disappointing. So they say that a parent that are
successful, they do that. And here's what they found out. They actually studied MRIs of the
prefrontal cortex of the children. And they say that parents who spoke to their kids in such a way
that made the kids think it said that the developmental there was very clear, and our prefrontal
cortex is the place that is responsible for cognitive functions. And also this idea of the ability
to, to
		

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			control. Okay. So now what happens is they say that the more you do have this, actually, the better
that reflects in our, in our children. So he said that good parenting is about being able to entice
people to think or not necessarily, you know, being able to get on people's, on people's nerves. And
then finally, and this is very, very prophetic is this idea of gentleness, Lucha Subhan Allah Nabi
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Yokote, maca and roof of a che in Illa Zanna Manos Yamin che Illa,
Shanna it say that wherever gentleness is present, it beautifies everything.
		

			And whenever anything, gentleness has been taken away from them, it just that it makes it really
look ugly. Unfortunately, sometimes, the inherently beautiful, can look ugly because of the
rudeness. And that which is inherently ugly can look beautiful, because of the gentleness. Ask
little kids
		

			when they hear or when they tell me. I hate Salah time at home,
		

			you should see the way that my dad tells us to come and pray. I hate Salah time at work, what
happens at that all the yelling that takes place, all the name calling that takes place. And
accusations of being lazy and accusations that what in the world is going on today even though
despite the fact that we may be calling them to something that is good said that the reality of it
is that sometimes when gentleness is not present, even that which is inherently group good, has the
potential of just being unwanted, undesired, simply because of the approach that it was taking place
to it.
		

			So now what happens is, like I said, by no means this is going to fix problems, this is good. But
the whole idea is if we really want to see that change, there are small things here and there that
can actually be implemented. And what happens is with the gentleness, making sure that our mood is
not reflected in the way that we deal with them, meeting people at the emotional state that they
are, that they are in, be known to be people who entice people to think and to grow. These are some
of the things that it was found out that really help these families succeed. May Allah Subhana Allah
grant a successful family sharpell al Amin, and may Allah subhanaw taala increases in understanding
		

			our bill Eiling Aquila, COVID, hide our stockfeed Allah Allah confessed of Rahu in the whole of
		

			hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah, humans were alum and we are sorry, it's been too
long nine COVID has been around for too long. And it is having an impact on the well being of
families and of children. And unfortunately, with the recent developments, the majority of kids who
are physically impacted majority of people who are so it shouldn't say the majority, but of the
people that are being impacted greatly at this point, or children and I believe that in Tennessee, I
believe it's a 36% of of the people contracting COVID are actually children, mela shantala keep them
all safe, er, but I mean, but see with COVID It's not only about the physical impact, but he's also
		

			having an emotional impact. There was a study saying that kids are feeling very lonely, they're
feeling very irritated, they're feeling very anxious, and they're feeling very depressed. Because
remember, it's not just about not having their school and not being around their children and their
friends are not being able to go out and with their freedoms being limited the way that it has been.
It is really having an emotional impact on these on these kids. And what we need to do with us as
parents, just just literally to two points. Number one, please call it down with the criticism.
		

			Please call it down with the criticism. Because there is so much remember what happens right now is
that we are on each other's face for a long time, especially if you're working from home and the
kids are going to school at home and every now and then somebody's yelling because the kid was
playing a game or they were on YouTube because they needed to be on the classroom. And there is just
so much here.
		

			When going back and forth and so much criticism, say, call it down with the criticism, cooling it
down with criticism is not an approval of the wrong that is taking place, but really call it down
with the criticism. And when you're constantly criticizing me, I just get the sense that you don't
like me and I also start not liking myself. And this is not just with the children, even with us
adults call it down with the criticism, the practice of gentleness and just giving people some room
to to just be themselves creating a safe place where people can just speak about their frustration
about their disappointment about their this and their that when people do this, especially in a
		

			controlled setting within their family members. The tendency is that people feel that they've been
hurt, somebody knows how they are. Somebody knows how they are feeling. Please be safe. May Allah
Subhana Allah keep us and all of our family safe Europa lol I mean, if any of us or our families are
not feeling well melas hunt Allah grant us a speedy recovery. If any of us or our loved ones are
going through difficult times and Allah subhanaw taala ease our pain, if any of our loved ones or
ourselves have lost the way may Allah subhanaw taala bring us back to his way. If any of our loved
ones have passed away. May Allah Subhana Allah bless their souls. We want to pray for our brothers
		

			and sisters in Afghanistan, in full of spleen in wherever they may be oppressed wherever there is
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			Allahu Akbar
		

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			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah.
		

			Stop, you're stuck, you're stuck. You're lost.
		

			Alone to sit out