Yasir Qadhi – Who’s Financially Responsible To Take Care of Our Elderly Father? Ask Shaykh YQ #188

			Our next question, I have a question, a questioner who asked to be anonymous, who says that they are
group of siblings. And they have an elderly father who is married to their stepmother. So they have
a stepmother and an elderly father. And now the elderly father has reached a state where he's not
able to take care of himself. And the children are stepping in to help and to take care of the
Father. But it requires high maintenance, there's a lot of money involved to take care of doctors
and have visits and whatnot. And while the father does have a good amount of money saved up, the
step mother is insisting that since it is their father, the children's father, and they are all
		

			adults, that they should take the tabs they should finance, the upkeep, and that she should
basically get to enjoy or maintain the money and be in charge of the money because the father is no
longer mentally capable of managing the money. And so there is a tussle between his wife who is the
stepmother of the children, and between the biological children. And the question is, therefore,
whose responsibility is it financially to take care of this gentleman? Should this gentleman's money
be the primary resource? Or do the adult male children who are all working? They all have their
families, they are all having an income. Is it requirement for them? One
		

			out of seven, ami, Kobe, Nika Illa, de Jalan, no, hey, la him, first.
		

			Recovery?
		

			Now, the answer to this question, there are multiple aspects, there's a legal aspect, there's an
emotional aspect, there's a religious aspect, all of these are intertwined together, I'm not going
to really go down the emotional or the sun aspect, emotionally speaking, you know, the the emotions
involved here. It's not simplistic that you quote, law. And that's it. It is very clear to me
reading this question that your family needs to sit down and discuss the underlying issues, you
know, the the the, the, your stepmother, who has been married to your father, I'm assuming for many,
many years, or however many years that she is no stranger to the family, she is a part of your
		

			father's life, you, of course, are the biological children. So these are underlying issues that need
to be discussed maybe in the presence of to arbitration, you know, members of the ARB that you can
use as arbitrators, but it needs to be discussed, it's not just a legal verdict that is going to
that is going to be brought about. And of course, there's no, you no denying that this needs to be
said as well. That taking care of an elderly parent, is of the greatest good deeds that you can
possibly do. So my encouragement to all of you is to never, ever give up no matter what happens, be
encouraged that you are doing one of the greatest good deeds imaginable. And whoever is taking care
		

			of however they're taking care, your efforts are not going to waste how wherever the money is coming
from, your efforts are not going to waste if it so happens that you will end up spending some money.
Don't even think about it, in the sense religious, they're telling you that Allah zildjian will
indeed reward you now, although this is the precursor to the technical and the legal answer because
I don't think it is fair to jump to the technical and skip over the emotional regardless of what
happens he is your father and take care of them to the best of your ability. Now, technically
speaking, a person's maintenance a person's upkeep a person's bills, a person's expenses, primarily
		

			falls on his own wealth, okay? That's the whole purpose it is his money. So who else is more
entitled to it, then he himself after all, he earned it. It's his money now that he is in need of
it, then technically speaking, his money is the first resource that should be done for anything that
is necessary or reasonable. And I'm sure that insha Allah Allah, we all can agree to what is
reasonable, obviously, we don't want anything frivolous, but anything that will make life more
comfortable, any equipment, any doctor's visits, that you know are part of the routine that must be
done that are culturally accepted to be done in his and medically in his situation. All of these
		

			expenses will first and foremost come from his own pocket and his own bank account. And that is why
in our shittier when a person passes away, who pays for the funeral, it is in fact the person's
wealth before even any will or will see you before any inheritance even before any debts are paid to
anybody who owes them. The first thing that you do is you take the expenses of your own funeral, his
own funeral from his own wealth. This is Allah's beautiful Shetty are beautiful. You know, shade is
so simple, so straightforward that the person earned his money he needs to pay for his home.
		

			Imperial, and then you start with the deaths, and the we'll see you and they will author all of this
is going to come after you have taken care of his own funeral. If this is the case of his funeral,
what do you think when he's alive? What do you think of his medical? What do you think of the
maintenance expenses, and therefore, the the the primary obligation is upon the person's own wealth,
and his wife, or the stepmother of the children does not have the Islamic right to stop the money
being spent on him. Because again, I'm taking you at face value that the money is being spent on him
for his maintenance and upkeep. If that is the case, technically, there is simply no question that
		

			she cannot say I want the money and I want to do this and that and I want to live more comfortably.
That's when she she will be maintained, yes, her residence and her you know, room and board and her,
you know, expenses of living. But as long as there is money in the bank account that he owns,
there's wealth that is being accrued or there is still there, then he will be taken care of from
that wealth, and the children are not obliged to give anything of their wealth. Now, obviously,
religiously speaking, if they do, Allah shall reward them. And if any one of them volunteers, Allah
xojo will give them back more, that's good, but until his own money runs out, they are not legally
		

			obliged, the minute that his money runs out, if he does not have enough and they're not able to take
care of then in this case, the biological children will all come together and they will decide who
can give how much and they will collectively it is a collective obligation and the rich will give
according to his means, and the one that is not so rich will give according to his means, but they
all must share and they must come to a mutually agreed upon conclusion, that how much will be given
by each person. So the inheritors will financially Take care. inherited meaning once he passes away
there's a group called the inheritors right the water thing, they will take care, but that is only
		

			going to happen after his own wealth has completely seized otherwise until that point in time, no
one has the right to come between his wealth and his own maintenance. apana lets his money he needs
to be taken care of and therefore his money will be the primary money that will be used to take care
of his own needs. As long as it is done with my roof with something that is acceptable and in case
there is a clash between what is acceptable or not. So bring together family and friends and discuss
you know which option which medical procedure which thing and within mutual consultation insha Allah
Allah, you will find a solution to this and Allah subhanho wa Taala knows best