Yasir Qadhi – How Do I Deal With An Arranged Marriage If I Have Same-Sex Attraction – Ask Shaykh YQ #151

			We had an anonymous email. I mean, the name is there, but he asked me to not mention it, you will
see why when I read the question that a brother emails and says that his parents have put him into
an arranged marriage situation, after a long time of saying no to a lot of people he eventually
caved in. But he is now saying that he is actually not attracted to the opposite gender, he is
battling with same * attraction. And he has resigned himself to living a celibate life to not
acting on his impulses, he is fine with all of this, that he is not expecting to, you know, he's not
asking for any type of justification for anything. But all he is saying now is that he does not know
		

			what to do, because his parents have now for a long time been pressuring him. Now, finally, he has
acquiesced. He wants to make his parents happy. But he feels that he cannot fulfill the rights of
his wife or be a husband in the intimate sense to his wife, one
		

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			the response to this dear brother in Islam, you cannot, you cannot allow this marriage to take
place. And the situation is as you have described, you are sinful to Allah in this case, because
this is not a personal issue that you're battling with, what you're battling with, once you get
married will affect your wife as well. Because you see, in this case, the brother is saying, and he
actually explicitly said this, that he has no attraction to the opposite gender, he is only
attracted to the same gender. And we've already spoke about this topic in a number of other previous
lectures, we're not you know, he's not asking about that ruling, he knows it is not allowed, he's
		

			not going to act upon it. But he was wanting to live a single life. That's it, he's not going to get
married. But now his parents are pressuring him. And he doesn't know what to say. He's basically
confused. He doesn't want to obviously mentioned the reason why. So dear brother in Islam, listen to
me, I cannot tell you how to back out how or what to say to your parents and to your family. And
friends, that's something you need to think about, whether you want to I understand, you know, in
the cultures that we are in, you probably cannot say this to them. But just because you cannot say
this, there are other excuses that can be given. That might be you know, more easier for them to
		

			understand or deal with over them. By the way, I'm just giving you some ideas here. There's
something called a sexual desire, ie, people have no desire whatsoever, they are a sexual, they
simply have no desire whatsoever. And they are a small percentage of humanity, but they are there,
they simply cannot, you know, that people are created differently. And so it's not, you know,
they're falter anyways, just the way they are just like it's not your fault, that you're attracted
to the same gender. But just because you have a desire, or lack of desire doesn't mean that you have
to, you know, act upon it. So you can say that you're not interested, you know, intimacy at all, and
		

			the thought, you know, you find it repulsive, and it's not going to work for you, and you're going
to do injustice to the lady. And other things can also be said, I mean, again, speak to your close
friends that might be able to help you out in your particular culture, I cannot tell you how to back
out, but I am telling you must back out, you cannot begin a relationship with another human being.
And she is walking in completely innocent, not knowing anything about you in this regard, and
expecting to have a normal family life and a normal marital relations. And obviously, you know, she
will want to have children, etc, etc. And you're saying that's not going to happen at all, dear
		

			brother, if you do this, you are sinful in the eyes of Allah, you are not sinful for telling your
parents the truth and making them hurt and irritated because of the truth. That's something that's
their fault. It's not, you know, if they were to get angry and yell and scream, you are not sinful,
you are sinful for obeying your parents in this regard. One is going to harm an innocent soul. You
cannot obey your parents, you are sinful in this case for obeying your parents because there's an
innocent party involved. It's not just you and your parents. There's an innocent party involved.
Also, I have heard of this happening. And
		

			anecdotally, I know that this has happened, that, you know, this, this, this issue of being
attracted to the same gender, it is a an issue that we are confronting as an own by now and we're
talking about this more and more and more and more people want to live faithful lies to Islam. They
don't want to practice this feeling, but at the same time, they cannot change who they are. And I am
aware that at least in the Western world, there are
		

			Email, you know, or Google Groups or something of this nature, where people are struggling with this
desire and not wanting to act upon it. And a man and a woman who are both struggling with the same
issue, they decide that you know what it's best for us to, to get married at Islamic *, and just
be companions to one another even if it's platonic, but they both understand what is going on, so
that it will help their families and they get along anyway, their friends anyway, they might not
have to be intimate, because here's the point, if you were to find a lady, that doesn't mind not
being intimate or not having children, that's completely permissible. I mean, it's not obligatory,
		

			you know, to be to be intimate to have * is not obligatory, to have children. The problem comes
that obviously your wife, as you have described, is completely clueless about your issue. So you
cannot just enter into a contract in this manner, and then expect to tell her the day after the
marriage, that's not fair. That's an injustice. But if you were to find a lady that is actually
wanting the same type of scenario that you're describing, which is no intimacy, and no children, and
just a partnership that you know, just taking care of one another and friendship and whatnot, this
is something that these days because of the internet and because of you know, what not insha Allah,
		

			it is possible so think about this. I mean, I cannot advise you to actually do this. It's not It's
not something I know you that well that I can tell you, but I'm saying you know your situation best
think about maybe this might be the best way that you can, you know, make your family and friends
happy that you know you you are married. There is another lady that also needs to make her parents
happy that she is married and the both of you understand you know that, you know, this is what it
is. And there's no sin if that were to happen and a lot of xojo knows best.