Waleed Basyouni – I Used To Be Indecisive But Now I’m Not Sure
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AI: Transcript ©
Alhamdulillahi wahdahu wa salatu wa salamu ala man
la nabiya ba'dahu nabiyyina muhammadin wa ala alihi
wa sahbihi wa sallim allahumma tasliman kathira amma
ba'd indi ashhadu anna la ilaha illa allahu
wahdahu la sharika lah wa ashhadu anna muhammadan
abduhu wa rasuluh Allahumma salli wa sallim wa
barik ala nabiyyina muhammad wa ala alihi wa
sahbihi wa sallim allahumma tasliman kathira amma ba'du
ibadallah All praise due to Allah and his
praise and blessings and peace be upon our
Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family,
his companions and his followers until the day
of judgment.
I bear witness that Allah is the only
one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam his last and final messenger.
And nabiya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam walk into
his uncle house, Abu Talib, witnessing the last
few moments of Abu Talib's life.
And he sat right next to Abu Talib
and he says, Uncle, say a word or
a statement, say so I can argue on
your behalf on the day of judgment.
What do you want him to say?
But all these years Abu Talib been thinking
about it and he knows that this is
the right decision.
But he always been hesitant to take that
decision.
I know that the best religion is the
religion of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
But I'm worried about people's, you know, reactions
would be what size.
Otherwise, I would declare my belief in the
Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
That's what he said.
Guess what?
He ended up dying as a mushrik.
And nabiya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam could not
take him out of that state of being
indecisive, being unable to make that decision and
take that step and accept Islam.
I'll continue to ask Allah to forgive you
unless Allah stop me from doing so.
And immediately Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Allah says in the Quran, it is not
allowed for the Prophet and for the believers
to seek for asking forgiveness for those who
die upon kufr as they clearly die in
front of them as people of kufr.
They belong to the hellfire.
In the other side of the coin, I
would like to say a very different image.
Abu Huraira used to tell
his companions,
who knows the man, the companion who entered
jannah yet he never prayed a single prayer?
Who knows who this person is?
Then he said he is Usayrim Abdul Ashhal,
the Usayrim of Bani Abdul Ashhal.
So Mahmood Ibn Labid was asked, who is
it?
Who is Usayrim Bani Abdul Ashhal?
Who is this man?
He said his name is Amr Ibn Thabit
Ibn Waqish.
This man, what is his story?
This man was always thinking about Islam.
Should I be Muslim?
Should I not be Muslim?
Think about it.
And in the battle of Uhud, when the
Mushrikeen came to the Medina, all of a
sudden he entered his house and he said,
you know what, that is it.
He went and he took his sword, he
put his sword around his neck and he
went to the battlefield.
And he started fighting and he got injured
so badly so his people witnessed the last
moment of his life.
And they said, what brought you?
Did you come and join the battle because
you want to defend your people, because you
are fighting the Meccan or what?
He said, no, I decided to be a
Muslim and to join the Deen of Muhammad
ﷺ.
He declared Islam and he went to the
battlefield right away.
And he got injured so badly and he
died.
Then the Prophet ﷺ said, he is in
Jannah.
Did not even pray a single Salah yet.
Couldn't.
What's the difference between this man and this
man?
The second one, his ability to make the
decision and to move forward.
But the other one couldn't make that decision.
Couldn't take that step.
Couldn't bring himself together to move with what
he knows is correct or he thinks is
correct.
You know, being indecisive, indecision, it's a big
huge problem that we face sometimes in our
life and it is a big obstacle in
front of our success in any area.
It's one of the biggest obstacles that hold
you back and prevent you from going forward
and going higher.
Hmm, I'm not sure.
We all suffer from indecision at times.
If we are not careful, this can become
depleting problem which feeds on itself and it
became a cycle of doom.
Many people have missed great chance to grow
financially, spiritually, you know, within their family, in
many areas.
You know, why?
Because they couldn't take that decision and later
on they regret that.
I think that require from us to reflect
upon that problem a little bit.
I believe one of the big reason or
one of the main reason for people to
be indecisive and not able to make decisions
in the right time that sometimes deep in
your heart, you're really not interested in doing
that thing.
You're not really, really convinced to do it
and if you're not convinced to do it,
that's why you're hesitant.
And if this is the case, you need
to gather more information so you can make
a decision, either I go with it or
I don't go with it.
But I don't stay in that limbo, okay?
Another reason is the lack of self-confidence.
We worry that we're not good enough for
this and I keep telling myself, you know
what, maybe I'm not worth for that.
Maybe I'm not good enough for that game
for sports.
Maybe I'm not good enough for this, you
know, college.
Maybe I'm not good enough for this man
to marry.
Maybe I'm not good enough to start this
business.
Maybe I'm not smart enough to do that
and I keep just beating myself up and
look down upon myself.
You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not,
I'm not going to be able to learn
the deen.
I'm not going to be able to do
this.
I'm not.
So lack of company and lack of confidence,
by the way, can be in very different
areas in your life.
People have so much confidence in such an
area, but they are very low self-esteem
when it comes to other areas of their
life.
You have, if you really need to be
successful, you have to accept yourself and you
have to trust yourself.
You can't ask people to trust you if
you don't trust yourself.
You can't ask people to believe in you
if you don't believe in yourself.
I love this du'a, which the Prophet
ﷺ used to say in the morning and
the night, Allahumma inni a'udhu bika min
al-ajzi wal-kasal.
I ask Allah to protect me from two
things, al-ajz, inability, al-kasal, laziness.
Why?
What prevents you from doing what is right,
either something from outside you and that's what
makes you incapable, al-ajz.
Something outside your control prevents you from doing
what you want.
Or sometimes you don't achieve what you want,
not because it's something from outside, it's from
inside, which is kasal, laziness.
What prevents you from being successful is come
from inside you.
And part of that, not being confident.
And here's some practical points that will help
you to be more assertive, help you to
be a person who's decisive, person who can
make decision and move on.
Number one, if you have this problem, please
admit it.
At least don't try to deny it.
As this guy said that day, he said,
you know, I used to be indecisive, but
I'm not sure if I'm anymore.
You know, yeah, exactly.
You know, you are just admitting it.
Sometimes you just try to deny it.
And sometimes you deny it in a smart
way.
What is it?
Oh, this is wisdom.
You know, I'm just being wise person, you
know, and make it and you justify this
basically this problem, you put it in a
frame which is correct and wrong frame.
I'm just being careful.
I'm just being smart.
I'm just being, you know, wise person.
Indecision may or may not be a problem.
So if it is a problem, if it
is a hundreds, if it is preventing you
to move on, and you stay in that
limbo, it is a problem and a bad
thing.
Also, if you want to move on, make
sure you have goals.
The people who always indecisive, the people who
have this problem, they don't have a clarity
in their goals.
That's why they are like in limbo.
I'm not sure if I want to have
a goal.
And that's been inspired by these goals and
dreams that you want to achieve.
You know, if there is something that make
you confused, ask yourself, would that help me
to reach my goal?
Would that help me to achieve that goal?
And you will find yourself moving forward with
your decisions.
Goals is a very strong energy, give you
a very positive energy.
Those people are goal oriented, can move quickly
and faster.
Also, as you put a goal, you have
to have a plan, how I'm going to
achieve it.
And when the moment you start thinking this
way, all your life, I have a goal
and I have a plan how I'm going
to achieve that goal.
And when you start thinking this way, you'll
find yourself moving faster and moving more decisive.
One of the things that will help you
to get rid of this problem, take actions,
take actions, take actions.
They say conquer your fear through actions.
100% learn how to take actions.
I learned in my life that indecision is
often worse than wrong actions.
I'll say that again, I learned in my
life that indecision and many times in my
life, they're worse than making the wrong decision.
Being just in the limbo like that, it's
worse than making a decision.
Because you know what, this is my attitude.
And I wish that we all have this
attitude.
My attitude in life is I always win.
If I get it right, I'm winning.
And if I get it wrong, I learn.
So either I win or I learn.
So I'm always a winner.
So that's I found so many times when
you stay in that limbo and you waste
so much of your time and energy and
effort, and you never move.
You lose so much and you lose people
around you, especially if you're in a leadership
position.
Sometimes both options can work.
Also, one of the things that I think
it is one of the most self-destruction
thing that you can ever have is perfectionism.
You know, it's the art of blaming yourself.
Just being perfectionist, everything has to be 100%,
200% correct.
Even our rules in Sharia is not based
on 100%.
Our rules in Sharia is what's most likely
is the right thing.
All our rules in Sharia are almost like
95, 97% of all rules like that.
That's how life is.
So please make sure that you try to,
that attitude of perfectionism is make the people
not to make decisions and move on.
Also, one of the things that I will
say, sometimes we are indecisive.
Indecision happens because you're always afraid to make
a mistake.
So what if you make a mistake?
Everybody makes mistakes.
Just change your view of what mistakes means.
Mistakes means an opportunity for you to grow,
opportunity for you to learn, opportunity for you
to improve yourself.
They call it experience these days.
Opportunity for you to repent, opportunity for you,
it's always there is a positive, you know,
link to it.
So your fear of being or making a
mistake will destroy your life.
We have to know how to deal with
our mistakes, not to run away from it.
Also, one of the things that I have
found, it will help you a lot in
this area, is when people are indecisive, they
always think about what other people think about
them.
So the pause, I don't know how people
will see, what people will say about me,
what people will think of me, what people
will do this, what people will do that.
Somebody want to buy a car and he
keeps saying, I don't know, people will think
what's in my car, but wouldn't they see
what they're going to say about me?
And all his life is controlled by some
other people, by other people.
And those people enjoying their life and while
you are suffering in your life because of
them, because you think about them so much.
And that's a disease you need to get
rid of.
That's the wrong way of thinking about life
and about people.
You know, so that's something that it requires
from you to think, you know, I'm not
going to make my life in the hand
or controlled by someone else.
Sometimes this indecision and being, you know, don't
know how to move on because of fear
of delusion sometimes.
Like everything, oh, what if people give me
evil eye?
What if people give me suhur?
What if this happened?
And I'm surprised by the number of people
really can make their life, you know, superstition.
I don't know why, you know, just so
much going on in their superstition area and
like superstitious and, you know, and everything, it
can be bad luck, can be, you know,
a sign of this, a sign of that.
I'm worried about somebody giving me an evil
eye.
Do hasad to me, envy me.
I'm basically again, will make the person always
in that limbo, cannot move on.
What do you need to do is to
have tawakkur Trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala, especially in this area.
Don't let your life controlled by someone else.
Don't worry about what other think of you
or expect of you.
One of the things that I'll advise you
is sometimes indecision can go round our mind
in circles, creating a downward spiral of indecision.
When this occur, it might be a good
idea to speak to a friend, to speak
and ask a counsel from someone of experience,
someone who have experience or wise.
Ask someone, talk to a friend about it.
Let them help you to get you out
of that circle, that dark hole, that dark
area.
But make sure that you don't go to
someone who add to the problem.
Thank you.
And I'm deeper goes.
Another thing I will advise you if you
have this problem, always when you come to
an issues, you want to make a decision,
put for yourself a time frame.
You know what?
I have myself a week after a week,
I'm going to make a decision.
That's it.
I'm going to move on.
That's it.
What do you guys think?
Or a week or eight days?
I'm not sure.
Just make, you know, make a time and
that's it.
And that will be my time frame.
That day I will make that decision.
You know?
Oh, I'm not sure I want to marry
this woman.
I'm going to marry this man.
I'm back and forth.
But you know what?
That by this month, if it doesn't work,
I'm going to move on.
Just don't stay in that limbo.
One of the things that I'll advise you
if you have this problem, before you deal
with a specific problem, try to teach, especially
if you have this problem, your kids, if
you detect this in your kids in early
age, teach them, expose them to new experience,
new hobbies, doing things that you're not going
to do before.
Why?
Because that will make them conquer their fear,
build their confidence, get out of their comfort
zone to new area.
Push yourself out of that comfort zone.
Because the moment you start dealing with all
these new experience, new maybe hobby, new traveling,
stuff like that, you find yourself becoming more
and more forced to make decision quickly.
And it will help you to grow.
Make sure that you set your priorities clear.
In life, there are always things that we
wouldn't have time to do.
We can't do everything, nor should we try.
What is important is to have a clear
idea of our priorities.
My deen, my family, my relationships, our inner
life, maybe sports, whatever you have in your
life, you have these clear things are a
priority.
And we are faced with decision, we can
quickly refer to our priorities.
So I can make the decision to move
on.
So I'm preparing this khutbah.
Okay.
And I've been getting so much pressure, okay,
to commit to a conference and, you know,
in the holiday season coming up.
So these guys have been calling me, Sheikh,
we've been asking to our conference for the
last five years.
And they've been sending messages, sending people I
know the sweetest ever, you know, words and
people that I really love and respect, and
there's so much pressure.
And I was not, I've been delaying this
for a while.
So today when I make this khutbah, I
made my decision.
You know how I made a decision?
I said, in the Thanksgiving, what's my priority?
To spend time with my family.
Sorry, I can't attend the conference.
Clear, I was able to make the decision
quickly.
Because really, that's what my priority.
Maybe in another time, my priority to make
money.
So you know what, I'm going to accept
this job.
Because that's a critical moment in my life.
And that's basically your decision usually reflect your
priorities.
So be careful.
Because your kids watching you, your spouse watching
you, where do they sit in your priorities?
One of the best cure for this problem
is to have this sense of tawakkul and
trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Take the necessary means, khud bil asbab wa
tawakkar ala Allah, wa thiq bil Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala, expect nothing but good from
Allah.
Make dua, ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
to help you.
Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to put
barakah in your decision.
Pray salatul istikhara.
By the way, a lot of people don't
know that salatul istikhara, salatul istikhara, it's not
about Allah to choose for you.
It's about you choose for yourself.
But you ask Allah to bless your choice.
That's what salatul istikhara is.
It's like when you ask a friend, you're
not asking him to choose for you.
You ask him to guide you, but you
choose for yourself.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us
always to what's best for us in our
deen, in our dunya.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us
the strength always to be productive.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us
the strength to be always able to move
forward and to be able to correct ourself
and improve ourself and to grant us the
best of manners and the best of akhlaq.
May Allah forgive us our sins, have mercy
on us, forgive us, guide us and honor
us.
May Allah forgive us and our parents.
May Allah forgive us and our parents.
May Allah forgive us and the believers and
the believing women, the living and the dead.
May Allah grant you, O Lord of Glory
and Honor, a quick, quick victory, Ya Hayyu
Ya Qayyum, for our brothers who are weak
in Palestine.
May Allah hasten their liberation.
May Allah hasten their liberation.
May Allah hasten their liberation.
And make the circle of equality for those
who wronged them and deceived them, Ya Hayyu
Ya Qayyum.
May Allah correct the situation of Muslims everywhere.
And remove the fire of war and sedition
from them, O Most Merciful of the Merciful.
O Allah, O Powerful, O Mighty, O Lord
of Glory and Honor, we ask You to
heal the hearts of the believing people.
Strike the wrongdoers with the wrongdoers and bring
out the Muslims who are united, among them
are those who are peaceful.
O Allah, we ask You to lift up
the oppressed brothers in the east and the
west, to relieve the worries of the oppressed
and to relieve the captives of the oppressed,
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.
And O Allah, send blessings and blessings upon
our Prophet Muhammad and his family and his
people.
As-salātu wa-salaam wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.