In this talk Sheikh Waleed discusses the topic of domestic violence, given at the Clear Lake Islamic Center.
Waleed Basyouni – Domestic Violence
AI: Summary ©
The importance of the last statement of Islam is discussed, as well as the use of words like "has" and "has not" to describe emotions and relationships. The success of Islam in building a strong society is emphasized, along with the need for respect and trust in relationships. The importance of domestic violence cases and the high risk of domestic violence are also discussed, along with the need for medical care for women and the importance of ending the pandemic quickly. The negative impact of domestic abuse on women, including men and children, and the cultural acceptance of women speaking up against abuse are also emphasized.
AI: Transcript ©
hamdu lillahi wa salatu salam ala Milena via the hoonah Vienna Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa alayhi wa sallam, or voila hermanos Herbie who live at Jamia all praise due to align His praise and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and all the prophets and messengers and their followers until the day of judgment. I bear witness that the law is the only one worthy of worship and Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam his last and final messenger, mighty brothers, sisters, in the last few hours of the prophets, Allah, Allah, Allah who it was salams life he gave, or let's say even in the last few days of his lives, salatu salam, he gave so many
reminders. And he mentioned many things, that not only his companions, but his followers until the Day of Judgment must adhere to. Can you imagine what how valuable these last words are last advice, somebody's been teaching for 23 years, the message of his Lord. So now in the last few hours of his life, or days, he will give you certain things that he considered the most important thing of his message. And maybe that's well worth a lecture or sometimes spend like or a special talk about it, but I will pick from the thing that he mentioned. So a lot is one thing related to my subject today. Or my sermon today, which is he said, Yeah, you harness it took a lot of ENISA. It took a lot of
ENISA all see companies.
He said oh mankind, dress everybody, all mankind. I remind you for lots of $100 rights over a loss fear Allah subhana wa tada when you deal with woman, you should fear God when you deal with woman I recommend you or I urge you to take good care of your woman. This was was one of the few things that he sets a lot he said long before he died and nobody is allowed to sell them one said the best among you the best to their families. And I am the best to my family because he demonstrate that will allow me to sell him through his actions not only by saying that he's good to his family but he was good to his family and abuse a lot SLM if you look at his wife the prophets are Solomon's family,
everybody who interact with the prophets of Salaam inside his house. He knew how nice and gentlemen he was allowed to sell them. How courteous and loving husband he was a little low on you. It was
even his servants that he that's a servant, he said, and I said pneumatic, he said I served the profits or sell them 10 years. You can fake something for 10 minutes, but impossible to fix something for 10 years inside your house. He said for 10 years, I served the process alone. Not a single time he insulted me. Not a single time he had to me Not a single time. He
met me with the anger phase. Another single time asked me to do something for him or ever asked me why did they do that? So never requested personally something nobody ever said Why did you do that?
And I said on the lower unha his wife said now Barbarossa lies a lot in Colombia de la Mora rotten wala hajima Alaia una mujer hidden PCB de la. He never uses hand to strike someone ever in his life. A woman no a servant, slave or anything like that. The only time he uses him to strike someone Wasn't he wasn't in the battlefield.
And Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once came to the masjid to the gathering were Muslims gathering. And he said like a puffer be early Mohammed denisa on cattier Yesh. Guna as Raja home. Today many woman came to my family complaining about their husbands.
Ooh, la la subida. These men are not the best among you. They're not the best among you, those who will lead the woman and their wives to go on to complain about them that they suffering because an another generation explained because they used to face some type of abuse and physical abuse from some of them.
And maybe your cell allow you to send them
as well Buhari has a whole chapter and say hello Buhari, which is the most famous collected Hadeeth book. He said Babu karate, a lot of business out that it is
this
Lie or something hated that hitting a woman. And in Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said and this hadith in Bukhari Muslim is still so the Nyssa hierarchy, I urge you to be good to woman. And in Debbie's masala ampicillin epidote. Said explicitly, Carla dato boo boo Emma Allah, do not hit woman.
Allah subhanho wa Taala told us how the relationship should be built inside the house. When he said Sal allowed you it was said when he said to Hannah what to add up or mean iottie and Haleakala coming unfussy come as Raja latest cuando la or Giada Bina Camilla data Rama, that Allah Subhana Allah have created for you from among yourself, spouses, that you live in tranquility and peace and love and harmony.
You live with them in peace and harmony and love and mercy.
That's melodem mode that means love harmony, Rama mercy, that's the nature of that relationship. And Allah subhana wa tada set. Well as you know, Bill Maher, both live with your spouse in good term. And it's a very general word very general description good, what kind of goodness it is left because goodness can be different from one culture to another from one time to another, you know, whatever is considered good and consider something encourage and positive. That is something you should have at home. And in Nabi sallallahu, alayhi wa sallam not only said that, another loss model not only limited to that, but he said also salatu salam, Leia for Kumu Minam Mina, I believe in men should
not hate a believing woman and he was referring to his wife, you need to the person's wife, you should not hate your wife. And if you don't like something, and her if you don't like a behavior, or certain a behavior that she has, rather Yemen ha ha in carry him in her hornak Ravi Amina, if you hate something specific about the way she behave in certain area, you will find other things that is good and positive and you can like and maybe you're still allowed to send them reminding us that it took a lot happiness out of a mesh head feel me out of the album. hakuba thought it took a life in the south for a hug to move on a ferry wire is the Hillel term followed. Johan became the Mattila in
one of the greatest sermon ever he give and Mecca and had. He did this only one time. So you can imagine everything in the sermon shouldn't be very important as well. And he said in that sermon part of what he said, he said, here Allah subhana wa Taala
and he said, Remember that this woman that you have in home at your homes, they became only lawful for you and you became their spouses and their husbands only by the word of Allah.
So make sure that you follow the command of Allah Spano Tata, what do you order you to be good to them? And in Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he headed Abdullah hypnotism.
I know con la gente de Hydra komamura tahu del del ab thomae akuna Moto G Raka. Late
damar be the person who beat his wife in the daytime than in the night you want to go sleep with her. It doesn't work this way.
You beat her up in the morning, then you want to sleep with her in the night. The processor said don't do that. That's not acceptable.
When locate in Sabra, which is one of the prophets are seldom companions came and he said jasola Allah in number it Felisa Neha
I just have a recommendation for the brother who come and sit to this area if you can, there's like plenty of space here so when people come they they wouldn't think it's full
just in general every Friday when you come in let's try to fill the site first before the other side.
So this man came to the process somebody said Jada said a lot in the raw it feels nice anyhow Shay aminal betta she's when she talks. She says bad words she said things which is appropriate. Then in the B cell allowed to sell themselves and she hurts me she say bad words false like that and maybe sell sell them if you wish. If she doesn't, if this doesn't work between you
divorce her. Then he said jasola law. She is been my companion for a long time. It's not something new. And I have children then they'd be so solemn said ever
remind her educate her talk to her. And in Nabi sallallahu Sallam said, if there is good and her she will listen to you.
But what the person said next is of surprising. He said well a tabula rasa in attack, but do not let her
talk to her, but do not hit her. Do not abuse her.
Even if she does something of you should abuse you, you don't have the right to do that. And this has been reported by libido. All these Ahadi these narrations and these tax like we have in the Quran, and the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam the tradition, in our religion, it's all to emphasize the importance to emphasis the importance of family, and this family must be based on peace, and love and respect. That respect from both spouses, husband, respect his wife, why respect her husband, and the same things respect to the children, mercy, that it's seen inside the house between all the family members love.
And this is a harmony that exists in the house. And it's not made that parents responsible for the way they raised their children, and the way they did with each others. And they will be judged and question in the day of judgment in front of Allah, about everything that they have done in their homes, don't think it just gonna go unnoticed. Even if there is no charges filed in this life, it will not just pass in the Day of Judgment, you will be asked if you abused your husband, or if you abused your wife, or if you abuse your parents, or if you abuse your children. It's very unique, how it is so clear in Islam, that as much as you have rights, as much as you have responsibilities that
never ever, the orders goes one directions. So it's all about the husbands and nothing about the wife. And it's all about the hive, and nothing for the husband, and all about the parents, but nothing for the children and all of our children, but they know nothing about the parent. No, it's balanced. So everybody has responsibilities, and everybody do his share. Because we believe that family is the cornerstone of building any society. That's why Islam puts so much emphasis on the importance of it. Last week, I talked to you about the importance of participating in politics and civic duties, because it's an important element of building a society. And that's what Islam did
build a very strong society during the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, and years after him and centered centuries, until today, we see the impact of that.
And I brought this subject specifically today.
Because as we all know, this month, the month of October, is the month where there's awareness of domestic violence. And that's something it is so important for us to address because domestic violence and rise not only globally, but also nationally. And not only nationally, even in the level of our city as the city of Houston. There is a very alarming numbers inside our city when it comes to domestic violence. And not only when it comes to the community in large, but also when it comes to our community, our Muslim community, there is an increasing number of complaints and problems inside the house shows that domestic violence it's unfortunate, something that many people suffer
from, and many people not speaking up about it.
And
in United Nation reports in 2014,
they estimated that 35% of the woman of the war in the world are abused and their homes 35% of every married woman is some basically face a certain type of violence and domestic violence. In the US, on an average nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by their intimate partner 20 people per minutes. So in this hook by you can make do the math for 30 minutes. That's 20 per minutes if you calculate that basically equates to more than 10 million woman and men are abused every year by their partners.
At that scary one out of every five woman and one out of every seven men have been victims of severe
physical violence by an intimate partner partner in their lifetime.
And here you might be interested to know, because a lot of time often when we talk about domestic violence, we only think about women. Yes, women are more vulnerable to domestic violence. But not the only one who suffer. men suffer as well. children suffer as well. Even though the language of our law, if you look at it, it's almost design and may as if it is only designed for female, and that's because of the history behind this legislation act that took place. No doubt they're more vulnerable to towards it to basically to receive a domestic violence. In a typical day, three or more than 20,000 phone calls placed in a difficult in a typical day.
Basically 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotline nationwide
as just an average day.
The basically the presence of guns in a house or domestic violence taking place. That basically
increases the risk of homicide by 500%. Since we live in Texas, a lot of people have guns. That's why we have a high rate of home suicide. And many study shows it's related to the existence of guns in the house.
intimate partner violence occur for 15% of all violent crime in the United States. Women between the age of 18 to 24 are the most vulnerable age for abused at home. And another study I saw that actually woman between the age of 25 to 34, are more likely to be abused, and comes next the one their age brackets 18 to 24. So even as she goes older, she is more likely to face violence at home. And that's quite as scary. 19% of domestic violence involves a weapon
domestic victims as basically correlated with high rates of depression and suicidal behavior. Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partner receive medical care for their injuries, injuries, because they are worried to go to the hospital something to be reported. So 34% that means you have a pretty big percentage of people will get injured but they will even be afraid to go to witness or to
receive medical care. You know, what's the sad part is what's coming. It's all sad, but just the worst of it, in my opinion, that one in every 15 children United States are exposed to this violence that take place at home.
90% of these children's eye witnesses have the domestic violence that take place at home.
In August 5 last year 2015 two boys watch as their father
dighton Norwood shot and killed their mother,
Sherry Roberts then he killed himself. Where was that? And the woodlands. As mentioned the name of somebody remember that in the in the news in the in the very next day, August *.
Michelle back was slides by a machete
in a park
here in our area by her boyfriend in front of her children. That's in montgomery county.
It's the first next time I can go with you in this crazy stories of how children witness this violence and the fight between the family. I will never forget got a phone call from one of the kids here in our area. Telling me chef I'm sick of my parent my mother and my basically stepfather fighting hitting each others. I call the police on them every almost every week. Tell me what to do. Should I get out of the house?
She helped me
so there's the kids are really the victim of
this and the problem is the biggest problem in this whole thing that if we have a child who witnessing that he basically
Caught in the cycle of doom. That is, statistically speaking, that most likely, I think that is Somewhere I read 80% of those who witness domestic violence at home, they will be themselves abuser in the future to their spouses. And they will be involved in somehow abuse. So this cycle of doom continued.
In in Texas, we ranked number eight, when it comes to the highest rate of domestic violence. Number one in the last few you can make your wild guess it's Alaska.
And second, will be New Mexico. Third, will be Maine. Fourth, Vermont, and I only brought the fifth because we have somebody from there, Wisconsin.
That's the top fifth the five states when it comes to domestic violence, as report the earlier the report of 2013. And our state comes in ranked number eight in Houston. In Harris County. The combined number of domestic violence cases filed in 2013 and 14 were 20,000 cases.
Just in Harris County.
And believe me, these numbers don't tell the full stories, the full story, because there's so many
domestic violence cases never reported.
The number of women killed in Harris County, alone by husbands or boyfriend has increased 20%.
That's alarming. In Houston area has always experienced jump and murder suicide 23 or 32 lives claim in 2015.
hearse counted domestic violence cases by numbers, I'm just going to get you the last number which is in 2014. We have 10,000 cases, which was documented, sorry, charged, not not cases filed, the charges were 10,278 because the filing cases is way more than the charges. Not every case will go away to basically carried by prosecutors
that led me to say, it is so important to know what is domestic violence is and I'm not going to go into technical definition by the United States law. You know, this is something maybe another time for it. But what I want you to be very aware of that domestic violence means several things and keep that in mind because that's an eye opener, because some of us may be involved in some domestic violence at home not realizing that he or she is number one is physical abuse. And this type of domestic violence is the common one where people literally hurt someone beat someone injured or some other can start from something like slapping or punching all the way to killing
or choking someone which is also very common woman comes in show in this office. How many times would would I swiftness or my colleague shatta, Brahim witness, one woman comes and just show you their neck and tell you, Hey, look.
almost killed. Another form of domestic violence that just exists are your kids. You beat them you hate you, you hurt them. I read about a case in one country, not a United States. But in one country where a father tied his son's hand with a row. Guess what, forget about it until the hand turn blue. No blood goes to the hand ended up and pin it it basically caught one of his hands out that he has he lost one of his hands.
All this because the kids he painted you know a new couch that the Father God
can imagine what how that Father will leave will fill in the rest of his life when his son would say yeah, dad, just give me my hand back and I will not touch your couch.
You know, heading kids and beating them it is unfortunately in many cultures something that's okay.
It's a way for preventing them.
It's assigned an IED. I saw an ad this ad just last evening. And the the prayer.
Someone just you know, grabbed his son and physically really abused the child because he doesn't want he's dragging his feet. Just a child talk about 232 years old.
Unfortunately, this is something in some cultures
Considered okay, but it's not okay. Another form of domestic abuse, sexual abuse and sexual abuse when you force your partner into something that they're not capable of,
you know, a lot of people think that a woman must every time she called to having * of the husband, she said, Yeah, yes. But if she said no, she cannot, it means no
lie you can follow. And I've sent in Llosa, a lot on the order to do what you're capable of.
also part of the sexual abuse that does exist when you force your partner to a certain sexual act that they don't want to do, or they don't feel comfortable to do.
And because of the sensitivity and it's kind of mixed audience, I can tell you that how many cases I personally have exposed to and witnesses of sexual abuse, there is no doubt about that.
Also one of the form of that domestic abuse, emotional abuse, that when you make your partner always live in fear,
when you make somebody always
scared, you know, they have very low self esteem. This is a goal of some men when they get their marriage is to destroy his, his basically wife so steep, or she destroy his self esteem, or their children's self esteem just to control them
or to emotionally abused him by making them have no sense of worth in this make them be feel the worthless
you know, belittling them all this is an emotional abuse. economical abuse is another form of taking their money by force. You know, making them not suffering don't have access to money.
Another form of abuse, which is psychological abuse, and that's close to the emotion but psychological abuse by intimidating them, isolating them, making them feel that they cannot be part of the society in the community just for the purpose of control. Because all what is domestic abuse, about all what is the abuser about is about controlling, controlling behavior.
May Allah subhanaw taala protect us and our family, Acoma sama to Mustapha la
hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah
domestic abuse should not be justified cannot be justified. There is nothing can justify violence.
domestic abuse, or the abuser usually would say, you know, it's not my fault
she brought up to herself
he no he's the one who pushing for it.
You know, is cruising for a bruising you know, it's always like you know, it's not my fault. You know what, that's all nonsense.
No, it is your fault you the one who a be abusers fault. And we have to make that very, very basically clear.
Also, it can happen to anyone I know domestic abuse happen by the hand of very religious people. And people not religious at all don't believe in anything. It happened in Muslim community it happened a number of some communities have been among white and black and urban daisies and and Hispanic and every culture. Yes, there is more noticeable of abuse in certain culture over others.
But it happened across the board. It happened by the young Italian by the old it happened to the young and it happened to the old
so we have to understand this fact.
Okay. Keep in mind that all victims domestic violence are overwhelmingly female. But as I said, there is men also abusing this case. I noticed that this is cases have been a lot when there is low level of education. When there are children themselves experienced something some kind of domestic abuse in their childhood. When there is personally it's not stable. That is he needs a therapy. He's like basically go through maybe war zones or been abused or sexually molested or something that happened in their past, so they're not stable psychologically. Also, it's happening a lot for those who are addicted to alcohol.
A lot of those are drugs, they are abuser to their family. Also tap in a lot for those who cheat and their spouses. When these kind of environment there is a lot of damage.
Abuse happened. Also, it happened a lot to those who do not understand the simple fact, which is to respect woman.
When people have no respect for women, they are more receptive to are more likely to abuse women.
I think in our community specifically, I want to end this in just one minute quickly. And our Muslims woman, they are also more vulnerable to domestic abuse, they have certain things might not be shared by many other communities. I'll say for example, many Muslim community comes from countries where cultures make it forbidden, a big taboo for a woman to speak about what happening in the house. So she will be abused and abused and abused, but she cannot open her mouth.
That's not a loyal woman. That's culturally what they believe will loyal woman she will take the beat and shut her mouth. Loyal woman cannot speak about what happened in the house. So that culture have made them more receptive to receive this abuse. Also, because of certain bad also culture and habits, like being sarcastic, or cause being sarcastic, you know, there's people in that culture, it's embedded it, they make fun of kids, they're very sarcastic when they talk to their family or their children.
You know, maybe it sounds funny, but it's not funny. It's hurts. And that's not right. Another reason many people sometimes use religion to justify the violence. He said, Oh, in Islam, it's okay. It's not haram to hit your woman. And that's absolutely not true.
That's no justification for that, oh, somebody I walked to somebody's house, that's me. Somebody is on a cell what. And he has underneath the web that had in them in the living room, a web, and he wrote underneath of it, a Hadith, a statement, that they claim that the Prophet side, put the weapon in the middle of the house, so people behave well.
Literally. So I said to him, by the way, this head is not authentic. The Prophet never said that.
And even when it is, it's not like you know, it is not something you put it in the top of the, the middle of the house. It's like this guy, who his wife, you know, maybe he didn't like the way she handled the kitchen or the food. So he wrote for her, the prophets or Salam said, either, Amina arducam, Imam ferritin, when you do something, you should make it perfect. And he put the Hadith in her kitchen,
using the legend to justify his knee. And as your smart woman, she took that, basically, poster and she put it somewhere else.
Anyway,
a lot of woman as well afraid to speak up in the Muslim community, because of their legal status.
They are afraid to lose the green card or to lose their legal status and they speak out against her husband. Sometimes because they don't know the culture in America, they don't know the resources, they didn't know where to go. Unfortunately, many time when you get something like that, that typical Imam would say to the woman, be patient, be patient, it doesn't mean to take the head or the beat. No, that's not being patient. Be patient, I would say, just don't don't allow someone to hit to hit you. That's why I think if we want to, you know, if we want to deal with this, we have to be open about that. speak about going to therapy, admit your mistakes. He say I need help. And also
making sure that the resources are available for our community to know. And we have a nationwide the hotline for domestic abuse.
our state's in its rank one of the top kind of the current category, see when it comes to how serious the state's take domestic violence reports. But consider what do I see in reports in Houston? Take this very, very seriously. We should as a community provide financial help, you know, provide shelters for a woman that is 13 organization in in Houston, provide shelters for women 741 that you know what that's barely cannot cover 50% of the need that we have in history. We have to spread the culture of love, mercy, respect,
finding marriage counseling, you know, learning how to solve your cat your problem teaching kids from the early age, those exposed to domestic violence go through therapy from the early age. You know what, if you have so much problems like that, just get divorce, get over with it.
Don't live together for him so I can be myself out
From the accent, either you live in goodness, or you live in good terms. That's what Allah said in the Quran.
Also, finally, make sure that you report that if someone use an abuse someone deserve to go to jail, let him or her go to jail.
And I'm very fair about that. And I will say this No, nothing wrong with that. That's what should be done. Let the law take its course. Because some people need to learn their lessons in the hard way. malice pantalla bring love and harmony to our homes, protect our families. Aloma for Leonard ham, no laughing know can result in a alarming and hysterical without to call it FF o Lena salam wa salam ala nabina Muhammad
Allah