Umm Jamaal ud-Din – Navigating Interactions With The Opposite Gender
AI: Summary ©
The National Imams Council discusses the importance of navigating gender interactions in Islam, with men being aware of the rules and guidelines and teaching them about the etiquette and adab. The sharia's guidelines include avoiding sex, being associated with any type of sharia, and not being associated with any type of sharia. privacy and boundaries between men and women are emphasized, with the success of their book on the natural rhythm of men and women being discussed. parents are advised to be mindful of one's outfits and makeup to avoid sh trading outfits, and the success of their book on the natural rhythm of men and women is also highlighted. The speakers emphasize the importance of learning to lower one's attention to others, avoiding outfits and makeup to attract women, and maintaining healthy relationships with children.
AI: Summary ©
All praises are for Allah, we praise him,
we thank him, we ask him for his
help, and we ask him for his forgiveness.
We seek refuge with Allahu Ta'ala from the
evil of ourselves
and the evil of our actions. Whoever is
guided by Allah, then no one can miss
guide them, and whoever is misguided, then no
one and whoever is misguided, then no one
can guide them except for Allah.
I bear witness that there is no God
worthy of worship except Allah, and I bear
bear witness that
Muhammad It is final messenger
Ahmed. First of all my dear sisters, Assalamu
alaikum
May
Allah reward you all for coming out. It's
very cold. May Allah reward you, you know,
increase your reward inshallah for coming to the
houses of Allah
to seek
knowledge
and, you know, to seek coming closer to
Allah
through this gathering of remembering
Allah
I thought I'd take the opportunity
to first of all
introduce myself because some people might not know
me. So my name
is
and
I am actually a qualified member of the
National Imams Council.
I am actually originally a revert to Islam,
but I went on a more than 25
year journey to seek knowledge starting in Saudi
Arabia.
And, you know, I first learned the Quran.
And
then after that,
came back to Australia and got a degree
in Arabic and then went on to study
from scholars.
And then after that, alhamdulillah, I finished my
my bachelor in Sharia and then alhamdulillah, I
mean my final year my final year of
a masters in I mean
So
I feel very very passionate about what I
do
and, alhamdulillah,
some of you may know I teach sharia
classes and I do have them available online
if anyone is interested,
who would love to study with me. That's
my passion. So inshallah, we we can talk
about that later.
But what I wanna get into now is
the topic that we're here for,
and that is
the topic on navigating
navigating
gender inter interactions.
Now
what we can see,
this is a tricky topic for a lot
of people
because
what we find is, in general,
people tend to go to 2 one one
extreme or or another.
Okay? So
you have the ex I have heard of
ex I have heard of some some situations,
and I'm sure we've all heard of situations
which are very extreme,
okay, in a way that they think that
there should be gender interaction where,
for example, it could be that, you know,
they don't even allow a female to go,
for example, to the just to the post
box to get the letter from the mailbox,
you know, things like that. Okay? Or saying
women should not study at school. They should
have no education.
Okay? So this is, like, the the one
extreme you can find.
But then you have the other extreme extreme
as well, which we see, unfortunately,
happening a lot in, you know, the Muslim
community, especially after a lot migrated to the
west
where, you know, if you go to the
universities
or you go to
the schools
and and even in the households, not just
in the university and in schools, let's not
just blame the youth. It starts often with
the adults
where there's just absolute free mixing. You know?
Like, there's no boundaries at all. Like, there's
no that it's like, people have lost their
whole
the whole moral code of Al Islam.
Right?
So this is why it is so important
that we actually
teach
the next generation
about the etiquette
and the adab,
you know, the the manners
that, you know, that Allah his messenger has
has taught us.
We need to pass that down. You know,
we shouldn't be that influenced by the West
that we completely lose all of our morals
and standards as Muslims. Right?
Now
one thing we have to understand is that
the the rulings in Islam
are not there to make life hard.
That's not the objective.
Actually, the whole sharia
is all based upon
bringing maslaha,
like it's all about bringing benefit and welfare.
Like, everything that Allah has ordered us to
do is for our benefit and that we
benefit personally from that. And anything that Allah
has made forbidden is something harmful.
Okay?
And we have to always remember that
as Allah
says in Zulmulk,
Doesn't Allah
know best
that which he has created? And he
is. Like, he is the most subtle and
the most aware. So he he's our creator.
So he knows best what is the best
system for us to
operate under.
Now obviously,
Islam is a religion
that goes in line with the fitra of
human beings.
Like, Allah created us upon certain instincts,
and Islam will never tweet or do something
that goes against that natural instinct. Okay? It's
so obviously,
Islam recognizes that it's something normal and natural
that there's gonna be attraction between opposite genders.
Like, that is something totally normal. Allah
created that, put that in us. Why? To
continue the human race.
Like, if there wasn't attraction between men and
women, people wouldn't even be bothered to get
married. Right? And then the whole human race
would come to an end.
Okay? So that's why you see that
Islam does not go against this natural inclination.
Okay? Islam does not go against this
natural in inclination,
but what it does is it sets
down guidelines
in order to regulate that attraction. Right?
And to channel that attraction in the in
the halal way, which obviously primarily is through
marriage.
Okay?
Because you have to understand what is also
what is the the society
that Islam wants to generate? Okay. So it's
not just see, often when we think about
the the akham
in the sharia, like, often we think about
the rulings in sharia, we just think about
ourselves, like how it affects us. But you
don't realize that the are not they're just
there for ourselves as the individual.
They're there also for the society.
Right?
So what Islam wants to generate
is a chaste and pure society.
Right?
Unlike
and we know firsthand the difference. We live
in Australia. I'm from a non Muslim family,
so I know exactly what's on the other
side more than maybe what some of you
do. But I'm sure if you've got you've
gone to a public school or you've been
to a university or you've got workmates, you
would have a very good understanding
by now
that the society of the disbelievers is very,
very different than the society that Islam calls
to. I mean, this society is honestly, it
is just it's become worse over the last
obviously, like, I compared to say my grandmother's
generation
then to my mother's generation and now how
it is now.
Like, fornication,
the dinner is something absolutely it's become so
normalized,
you know.
Uncontained lusts and desires. Like, it's all about
just, you know, do whatever your lust tell
you to do. Act on whatever your lusts
tell you. No matter no matter how perverted
that could be. It's you know?
So this is the society that basically with,
you know, with the disbelievers, this is their
society is is is contaminated with that. Right?
And we have to understand, subhanallah, just like
Allah purified
us with tawhid
from shirk and kuf. Right? Allah purified us
in our in our beliefs,
right, in our beliefs
from shirk and and kuf. This is what
contaminates the belief. Right? Single out
Allah alone in tawhid,
purifying ourselves from any types of shirk, any
types of association with other than Allah
or or
or types of disbelief. Right?
Similarly, Allah
wanted us also to pure he wanted to
purify us in our.
Now,
my dear sisters, does not just mean manners.
Is more comprehensive than just manners.
Means manners. It means your manners as a
Muslim, but it also means your moral code.
It means your moral code code code also
and your your character. Your character. That's akhlaq
is contained, you know, that all comes under
akhlaq in Islam.
Now if we look at the Quran, Allah
says in Surah Baqarah,
he, verse 151. He says,
So in
this verse says, just as we have sent
amongst you a messenger
from amongst you,
he is reciting the ayat of Allah
and he came he was sent
to purify you. Right?
He came also to teach you the book
which is the Quran and the sunnah.
Where you
are.
And he came to teach you what that
which you did not know. He came to
take you out of the ignorance of
to the light and guidance of al Islam.
And
the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam
tells us
that every
religion
has
a certain type of character.
And the,
subhanallah, the the akhlaq
of Islam
is al Haya. It is based upon modesty,
right, and chastity. That that is the the
of al Islam.
So we we can describe if we understand
it that's why it's good to understand the
whole context of what Islam is, like, the
framework of Islam. Right? So the framework of
Islam
is that it's, 1, based upon righteousness.
Like, we know that we are, you know,
Allah
has sent down the Quran and sunnah for
us to be upon righteousness, righteous deeds.
Right? Aiming for
the, aiming for the next life.
And nobility, having a high character. You know,
think about the prophets and messengers. How was
their character?
We are you know, Islam,
you know, Islam is a religion that we
are following in the path of the prophets
and messengers literally.
You know? And so if you think about
their nobility,
their, you know, their modesty,
their chastity, their high character,
that's the type of that's the level that
Allah, you know, Allah wants us to be
on that path, the same type of path,
right, as as they were upon. They are,
you know, they are our,
you know, forefathers, you could say, the ones
who came before us, but they are the
prophets and messengers. They are our role models
that we try to emulate them in the
way, you know, in every aspect, not just
in their worship, but even in their, you
know, their their no noble manners, no noble
character.
Okay. So this is why we see that
the sharia
has come with certain guidelines
in relation to the the interaction between the
genders
in order to protect
the
to protect the character
of both the individual Muslim
and also
the Islamic society or community at large. So
it's not just about protecting
your akhlaq and my akhlaq.
It's also protecting the whole akhlaq of the
of the Islamic community. So what we are
doing what we are doing
when we apply these guidelines, I'm gonna go
through very soon, it's not just about you
and me and protecting ourselves. Right? It's about
you having an active role in preserving
the high,
you
know, akhlaq
of the whole Muslim community.
That if we don't all do this together,
you know, as a as a group, then
imagine we will we will have the same
al the Bilal perversity running in the Muslim
community as you see with the disbelievers.
Where they've just got lost all all sense
of modesty altogether.
Right?
Now one of the unique features
one of the unique features of Islam
is it doesn't just forbid the sin,
but it also call calls for blocking the
paths
which
lead to sin.
That's the unique feature. Like, some some religions,
like, you know, if you look at, like,
say Christianity, for example, they might say don't
have relations
with a man before marriage, but they don't
say anything about being alone together
without without a third party. That that it
doesn't have anything like that. You understand? So
because if you don't have those guidelines, you're
gonna you're gonna end up falling into the
Haram anyway. Okay? Even if they tell you
don't have any relations with a man. If
they don't if you don't have the other
guidelines, you're gonna straight away fall into the
Haram anyway.
Islam doesn't just forbid,
you know, sins. It also
it also calls for blocking the paths to
those sins as well. Right? Why? Because
the way the Sharia looks at it is
prevention
is better than the cure.
Right? Right. If you say that in Arabic,
right, that the
the prevention
of
a sin or a prevention of a harm
is greater and easier
than when when the harm has already taken
place.
Okay.
Now if we look at what Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala says in the Quran, for example,
he says
So Allah
says that these are the limits of Allah,
so do not approach them. So Allah has
certain
certain acts which he has made haram.
He doesn't just say he doesn't just make
that that act haram, but he says even
don't approach
it. Don't even go close to it or
anything that leads to it. That that's also
becomes haram.
Like, there's even a,
wasa irul
haram haram.
The the the the paths that lead to
haram are also haram in al Islam.
And this is what we get from these
various rulings,
these various ayaat, these various, proofs.
Also in Surat Al Isra,
Allah says
Don't approach
So he didn't say don't perf like, don't
act. Don't do
He actually says don't approach
Right? So that that shows it's not just
about
the actual act. It's actually anything that leads
to it needs to be.
You need to refrain from it.
Now there's a there's
also the Hadith of the messenger of Allah,
salallahu alayhi wa sallam which I'm gonna go
through in a little a little bit and
look at this a little bit more
closely.
But, for example, the messenger of Allah said,
So he says that
the
the eye even the eye has a share
of fornication.
What is the share of the eye in
fornication?
It's what it looks at.
Okay. Looking at things, I'll I'll come and
speak about it in a minute. But things,
Yani,
that that are gonna that can lead
to. Right?
Well, Right? That the also, the
the can commit a type of.
And what is that not not the major
act of zina, but it means that, you
know, do using the iya in a way
that Allah is not pleased with.
Right? It will take a share of zina,
a type, you know, because it's from those
wasa'il. It's from the the
the the paths that lead to to zina.
Okay? And I'll as I said, I'll come
back and speak about this in a minute.
Another thing the messenger of Allah said was
very interesting, subhanAllah, he says
Adam.
Every son of Adam, including
daughters of Adam too,
they will have for them
they will have for them a share in
you know, it's not nice to say, but,
like, you know, it's you know, understand what
I'm trying to say. A a share in
There's a share in it. Like, because there's
different levels. Right?
And this is something that that might you
know, it's
something that must, must occur. Okay? And he
goes on and explains
that the two eyes,
their share
of is looking.
Like, that the 2,
ears
Their share of is what they listen to.
And the
the tongue,
its is what it says. You you certain
words, it says.
And as for the
as for the hand, it is the touching,
the unlawful touching, obviously.
And then it goes on and speaks about,
like, for example, the,
you know, the the leg, you know, the
share of the leg,
which is going towards something that's impermissible,
and then
also the heart, which is longing, you know,
towards that thing that's not permissible,
and then And then the private part either
acts upon that or
it repels it. But what it shows you
is
that to be aware that, you know, has
its parts.
Okay?
Has its parts.
So that's why we need to be mindful
of these guideline of the guidelines which
al Islam came with
so that we can
Yani, you can if you understand what I've
been speaking about with regards to the framework,
this is what we need to be mindful
of the guidelines Islam came with because they
are
they are showing you what are the means
that you need to avoid
so that we stay far away from.
And as I said before, if we don't
if it's when we don't if when we
don't implement these
guidelines, when we turn away from these guidelines
and ignore them
and we don't pass them down to the
next generation,
that we are gonna see
Muslims suffering from exactly the same problems
that we see
prevalent in non Muslim societies
like high levels of, you know, promise
promiscuity,
unwanted pregnancies, you know, women getting pregnant without
being married. I'm already seeing that. I get
sisters contacting me unfortunately
and I mean despite they're Muslim and they
told me I've got a very strong practicing
Muslim brother
father and mother but it's still happening. It's
still happening, sisters. And they're asking is it
allowed for me to get an abortion now?
Okay? So we have to this is if
you don't face what's going on, Yani, if
you don't be aware of what's happening
then this is what happens. When you when
you become complacent and think it couldn't happen
to me, it couldn't happen to you. Right?
And so this is what happened. Just like
we see in non Muslim society, it's happening
in the Muslim society and it will go
and become worse if we don't
come back to these guidelines.
And free mixing
free mixing.
And it gets to a point where there's
total loss of the concept of modesty
and total desensitization
of what is haram,
like, thinking it's normal. It's okay to have
a a friend who's a male and sit
alone with him and go out with him,
and we're not even married.
You know? It's okay to just, you know,
have, like, these relationships, you know, just sit
in university and have a chat and have
a laugh and mix together and go out
as a group of boys and girls, and
it's okay. I'm not just talking about youth
here because everyone looks at the youth. Go
look in the houses of the of the
adults. There's not much some some homes are
lumps done. Can you really see a difference
between the the Muslim house and the non
Muslim house? That's what you have to ask
yourself, you know.
So we've already seen we've already seen the
breaking down of these guidelines. Okay?
Alright. So let's look at
what are the basic guidelines
that the sharia has laid down, and these
are guidelines
which must be upheld regardless of the situation.
Okay? So I'm I'm telling you, look, look,
we understand. We are understanding that we are
living in, like, a modern society
and there's gonna be a need for people
to go to university, there's gonna be a
need for people to go to work, there's
gonna be a need for people to interact
with the society. Okay?
But we still have to know what are
the guidelines that we need to be keeping
in our mind
and implementing these
in,
you know, within the the scope of what
we
our normal interaction, our daily interaction.
K?
Alright. So let's start off with some of
these. These are just, like,
basic guidelines that their default default guidelines.
Okay? So the first one is it's not
allowed
for a male and female who are not
married to each other or who are non
to each other to be alone where no
one can walk in on them and no
one can see them. It's not allowed. Okay?
That that's straight away. And obviously, the as
as mentioned in the hadith that that's the
third is the shaitan.
The third is the shaitan. Even if they
think that they can be strong and they've
got good hearts or whatever the whatever the
excuse they give themselves, it is haram.
Okay?
Then
the next one obviously is that
a woman must observe hijab according to the
Islamic guidelines.
Right?
We look at what as Allah says in
the Quran.
So says and say to the believing women
to lower their gaze
and to guard their
their
guard
their, like, as in, guard their what they
have to guard everything that Allah commanded them
to to cover
and that they should not display their adornment,
their beauty, their adornments,
you know, their
ornaments,
except for that which is apparent. That's just
like the natural that is, you know,
is
just things that it's
natural for her to show. Alright?
Other than what's been mentioned in We can
talk about that after. That's a whole topic
in itself.
The third the third one is that a
woman should not do actions
which are considered to be seductive,
which cause men to be attracted to her.
Okay?
And this is where this is where women
have to be aware of this because a
lot of women you know, it's not about
you having good intentions.
You've gotta understand that your actions have consequences.
And,
like, you might think of it as being
innocent,
but you've gotta think about how does a
man see that when men, like, Allah as
I'm gonna talk about later,
the messenger of Allah said, I did not
leave
any fitna greater for men than women, like,
because they are so attracted
naturally to women. Right? The beauty of women.
Okay. So, obviously, if you do certain actions,
okay,
There are certain actions that you do that
you might think it's not a big deal,
but
it's very it can be very seductive to
a man, and I'll I'll give it to
explain to explain that. But but, basically, let's
talk about it. There there's there's quite a
few different examples.
Alright. So for example,
a woman has to be careful not to
speak with men in a way that is
overly friendly
or seductive and flirting.
Okay? So you you can't be speaking like,
you can't be speaking to a male, right,
who who who's not who's not your and
who's not your husband
in a way that's overly friendly, like, you
have deep and meaningful conversations, and you're not
even married to that person. They're not your.
You know? Or, you know, you speak a
seductive way like, oh, yeah, Habibi. You're so
cute. Whatever. Like, I was gonna be like,
I'm just giving you some examples. You know?
Do you understand? Whatever. Like, you can't be
speaking that light way with him. It's not
allowed for you to speak like that. Okay?
And how do we know this?
Allah says in Sur Al
Azzab,
So Allah
commanded
in do not
means to soften the speech
where you make it, like
like, in an attractive way. You know what
I mean? Like, you know what you're doing.
Everybody knows. Every woman knows what that means.
Okay? You're you're saying in a way, like,
soft way, like, trying to, you know,
sound nice to the guy, basically. Right?
Why why it's not allowed?
Because that will cause the one who has
a sickness in his heart to,
you know, to start thinking about you in
a way that he shouldn't be thinking about
you. Okay?
So
it doesn't mean we can't speak at all.
That's another exaggeration that we see. Some people
say a woman, her voice can never be
heard. She doesn't have to put rocks in
her mouth if she wants to speak.
Like, there's no proof of that at all.
I heard that. There's no proof of that
at all and the proof against it is
exactly this.
She speaks in a noble way.
She speaks in a noble and upright way.
Allah did not say she can't speak.
He just said when you speak,
speak in a way that is dignified and
noble, a formal way, a businesslike way. That's
the best way you can understand it now.
Like, if you were talking to your boss
at work, how would you speak to them?
You say what you need to be you
you say what needs to be said. You
speak about what needs to be said. Start
talking about everything, about your life story, and,
like, think it's Yanny, what's his business? You
know? So that's that's that's going out of
the bounds. Right?
Okay.
So that's that's we're still talking about we're
still talking about how the woman has to
be careful not to do actions that are
considered to be seductive. Right? So we're talking
about
speaking a seductive way.
Also, even physical actions, you be beware of
the way you conduct yourself. So it's not
just about the way you speak or the
what you speak about. It's also about the
way you conduct yourself. So, for example,
like, doing actions
which could cause men to look at her
and think about her. Now let's give her
give an example. Okay? I know because I'm
on Instagram. Alright?
So,
you know, and and, you know, on TikTok
and everywhere. Right? And, you know, you get
these girls that go
and, like, I don't know. They pull all
these faces and
I don't know what to get.
And all these are like like okay. You
think you're just talking to sisters. You know
there's brothers on there. You can't be putting
those kind of videos on there. Do you
understand? This is completely going out of the
bounds of the shidi ark. Right? Even if
she's gotten the pop. I don't care if
she's gotten the pop on. I don't care
if she's got the best hijab on. That's
not the you understand? So this is the
problem we have now where you you might
think, oh, this girl wears hijab or this
girl wears but it's also the way you
act as well. It's not just the and
the hijab. It's about also not acting in
seductive way. Okay?
And how do we know this? For example,
in the ayah that talks about, you know,
Surah Nur, if you go to Surah Nur.
Right? Allah says in if you go back
into that verse,
he says,
You know, not doing physical actions, right, that
attract the opposite gender to yourself. Right? And
what is this ISA? What is this ISA?
It says
do not
hit your feet.
Right? Because this is what the ladies in
Jahili used to do. They used to walk
and they would bang their they would bang
their, you know, feet on the ground with
their, you know, their shoes on the ground.
Why? Because they wanted to show off the
anklets that they had on the bottom of
their legs.
Do you understand? So they wanted to they
wanted to attract the men to them by
doing that to say, look what I've got
under here. You know? Whatever.
Alright.
So,
but, like, we can we can see that
that was what they used to do. Like,
they used to do these actions, alright, to
attract to attract men to them,
but it's the same thing. If you do
other type of physical actions,
right, you're doing you're doing the same kind
of thing. If you're doing those kind of,
like,
facial expressions
or like you're going and you're and you're
going like this or you're doing a dance,
like you get women on you get women
on Instagram or, you know, TikTok, and they're
going and like that, they're doing a dance
in front of everybody or they're they're going,
like, you know, moving as a moving in
a seductive way. So this is where you
can see that that's that's not allowed. Okay?
It's it's very easy to see it. Okay?
Now
the other thing we can say as well
is we can see in the hadith this
could also come in the form of the
way that they walk,
the way that the woman walks,
or the way she styles her hair.
Okay? Even if it was under her her
hijab. She has to be conscious. Alright? So
how do we know this? Because there's the
hadith, which I'm sure most of you have
ever heard this quote so much. Right?
The the women who,
these are women who are half naked, like,
they're dressed, but half naked,
and that they,
you know, that they sway from side to
side when they walk, you know, because, you
know, you know, women who've got, for example,
high heels and they they sway like that
to the backsides,
you know, moving around, stuff like that.
And also, you know, and he and also
the messenger fellow mentioned about how they're piling
their their their hair on their head.
Okay. Now whether that's with the hijab or
without hijab. So it could be with the
with without the hijab, it could be, like,
piling their head up to show, you know,
whatever.
But it could also be under the hijab
because if you're piling your hair up under
your hijab, it's kinda like showing off, look
at my I've got long hair.
Like, you're making it obvious to a man
that, oh, look at me. I've got long
hair. You understand? Like, you might say, why
do you do that? Ask yourself as a
woman. Why do you why would you put
all your hair up piled up on your
hair? What's the purpose of that?
And ask yourself that question. Do you understand
if the hijab is sit like, the the
the hijab is,
you know, to conceal.
You know?
Alright. So that's another thing.
Then
another thing we have in as well mentioned
in the in the in the sunnah as
well is wearing perfume that can be smelled
perfume that can be smelled. And, honestly, I
find that unfortunately, this is this is gonna
be becoming very widespread now. Women are be
a lot of women are becoming so complacent.
Like,
many, many times I have women, you know,
maybe even, like, you know, I come across
women.
And, honestly, you can feel they're they're perfect
from miles away.
Like, I'm I'm a woman and I, you
know, like, what about the men? They they
will get for sure they're gonna walk past
men and people gonna, like, they're gonna smell
it. Right? So
in the in the hadith,
it mentions about that that woman who goes
and puts perfume on herself
and then she passes by a gathering of
men
that she is
like a zaniyah. What does that mean? It
doesn't mean she actually is like a zaniyah,
but it means because she has called to
do you see what we talked about before
about?
We said about the means to haram. She
herself becomes a means to haram by that
because
she's calling, like, with her with that strong
perfume,
and she's attracting the men to think about
her in a seductive way. Like, she's basically
saying, like, she might not intend it, but,
you know, I'm sorry, sisters. You it's the
world doesn't just revolve around you. You know
what I'm trying to say? The world doesn't
just revolve about around me or you. You
know? We we also have to think that
our actions have consequences
too. Right? And so by someone putting on
strong perfume, it's basically like saying, like, hey.
I'm available.
Like, that's what it literally is like saying.
Like, hey. You know? Like, you put yourself
out there. You're not trying to, you know,
conceal yourself. Right?
And we can say that under this because
the the hadith talk about
perfume, but, I mean, look at today with
the the makeup
and, you know, fake eyelashes and all of
that as well. Like, that also obviously, if
you're wearing that outside where where where mom
runs can see you or, like, it's on
social media,
well, that's the same thing. You know, you're
still gonna be attracting
like, it's a type of seduction. It comes
under a type of seduction where you're attracting
male sites
towards you.
Okay? And, obviously, that that goes without saying,
like, tight revealing clothing, obviously. Tight revealing clothing
that is showing off parts of your body,
you know, easily
to be seen, then, of course,
that also is a time of seduction. But
they said they didn't change it. They don't
exist. That's what I'm trying to say. This
is what they've got the wrong idea because
in the the Sharia came not just for
the individual, but your responsibility
to
the society around you. And we all have
a part to play. And let me just
say this because I also let let me
if anyone's sitting here feeling a bit annoyed
right now, can I say I also feel
very annoyed often where I find so many
times, like, you have like, for example, the,
you know, the it's always about the women?
It's never about the men. We don't hear
about their responsibility,
but you gotta understand it's actually a two
way responsibility. That preserving the Islamic
society and making you know, trying to preserve
the chastity
in the Islamic society
is both the responsibility of the males and
females. It's not just all the females responsibility.
Okay? If she's done
these guidelines, what I'm talking about, it's actually
on the men now. It's not women have
to shrink and become like a like, she
has to practically
like, I like I believe you. I can
go on about this. Like, I go on,
like, I go on, I've got my full
hijab, my full na'ap, and you'll still get
people telling you cover your eyes or something
like this. You know? I'm sorry. I have
done what Allah had I've done even more
because I wear hijack. I wear
You know? So I have done more than
what Allah has commanded me, and I'm not
going to like, we're not expected to now
shrink and become, like, in totally invisible
in society, and we can't even walk out
of our house because we're worried about our
man's gonna like, no. It doesn't work like
that. Allah did not,
order us to wear hijab.
Like, then if we're not supposed to go
to our house at all, why do we
wear hijab at all? We might we might
as well just say, stay in your house
and don't wait, you know, don't go to
your house at all. That's not that's not
actually our sharia, which I will speak in
a little while.
But I'm just trying to show us, like,
there are obviously things that we have to
think about as women. Right?
Now
non mahrams.
This is another this is another guideline. Non
mahrams need to maintain
high levels of Islamic akhlaq
when interacting with one another.
Okay?
Now the guideline I love this hadith that
I mentioned before. I love this hadith.
This you can see the guideline
set out for you. You can take the
guideline for this
from this hadith which in which the messenger
Allah said,
that the two eyes, the zina, the share
of zina that they have is due to
the the haram look, the unlawful glance or
the unlawful staring at someone that you're, you
know,
you know, attracted to.
Like, I won't go through the whole hadith
again. I'll I'll go through it 1 by
1.
But let's let's look at some of these
by themselves and give examples now, not just
talk about it, but what are the examples
of this? How do we implement this? Right?
So if we look at the first one
where Allah men where the messenger of Allah
mentions about the eye, its
share of zina is is is the the
the look. Right? So it's the, obviously, it's
the unlawful look. The unlawful look. Right? What
does that unlawful look mean?
It means looking with desire at the opposite
gender like it like your full, like, you
know, full checking them out, staring, like like,
lusting, like, you know what I'm trying to
say? Like, obviously,
it's it's, you know, obviously it's normal. We
we live in a society, you know, any
society, like, you look at, at like a
sheikh talking and that's okay. It's okay to
look at,
a man and, you know, you're just looking
at him to listen to what he's saying
or something like that. But when it's not
allowed is if you feel that, you know,
you're getting attracted to him, you know, that's
when when Allah says
you know, he says about to the believing
women in particular, he says,
Right? That's when you lower your gaze.
But this is also for the men too.
So if the men the man feels
after a woman has done all her, you
know, she's done her wajib of covering herself
the way Allah has ordered her, if he
felt that he feels, you know, attracted to
her, he's not allowed to just keep staring
at her. He has to lower his guys.
He has to do his job. Right? He
has to do his side of the of
what's he's been ordered. That's what Allah said.
Even before he ordered the women to lower
their gaze, he ordered the may the males
to lower their gaze first.
Right? He says,
Say the believing men to lower their gaze
and to guard their to guard their their
private parts and, you know,
protect their chastity protect their chastity.
And Allah says,
That is more pure for them.
Allah knows.
He's the most knowing of what you do.
Like, you try to, you know, if you
like, Allah knows. Allah sees this the the
eyes,
you know, the secret looks and stuff like
that. If someone locks them up in a
bedroom and starts looking at * or something
Haram, Allah sees it. You know what I
mean? They can hide from anyone else, but
Allah sees it. Right?
So that's that's in relation to that that's
the share of zina. When the eyes when
someone allows their eyes to look at what's
what's haram to look at.
And that's, again, where hijab also plays a
role because we are by us doing that,
we are shielding it's like a shield. Think
about your hijab as a shield. You put
on your shield before you go to the
battle battlefield
battlefield,
and you're shielding yourself from the unwanted looks,
keeping your keeping yourself to yourself,
you know. You you feel for for you
and for for your husband, for your,
family,
your sisters in Islam, he's got no business
with you. Right? You're not you're not to
share around just
easy in the street. Right?
And also this shows us that if and
from this, we can see that if people
were sitting together in the same room, so
if you have men and women sitting in
the room together,
then
the way they should sit is in a
way they're not directly facing each other. So
we it's possible for men and men to
come in the same room and sit,
but the way that we should lay out
the seating arrangements in that case is in
a way where non mahrams are not directly
facing and looking at each other.
Okay? So it could be
I mean, ideally, it would petition. If you
can, then aside. But if you can't do
that, at least have the males on one
side, the females on another side. So there's
a, you know, and not and looking facing
towards the front, not,
you know, facing towards each other.
And,
you know, you just look at the what
the Quran says, for example, in.
Allah says
So Allah says in these verses
that when you ask them for something
or for a matter,
then ask them from behind a hijab, from
behind a screen or behind,
like, a curtain or a barrier
that
that is more pure for your hearts and
for their hearts. Now this particular ayah, just
to mention, this particular ayah is actually for
the Sahaba
when they came and were gonna ask from
the the
the wives of the messenger of Allah
asking them a fatwa or asking them something
to ask from behind the hijab, behind the
screen. And Allah said that that is pure
for you and their hearts. Right? But just
imagine, my dear sisters, that Allah
sent down
this ayah concerning Abu Bakr Siddiq
that when he goes and asks, for example,
Hafsa, who's the daughter of Omar
that
he should ask her from behind a hijab,
a screen, because hijab means screen. Right? A
barrier.
Despite how clean and pure their hearts were,
right, how pure and clean were the hearts
of Abbaq,
and
Hafsa, the daughter of Omar.
Or if Omar wants to go and ask
something from Aisha, same thing. He should ask
from behind
like a screen. Right?
So
so what the scholars said, if this is
how Allah ordered
those who had the most pure and clean
hearts,
in order for them to avoid any
then we should not imagine that we should
not imagine that just because we have a
good heart that can't come to us.
Right? We should not imagine that just because
we have a good heart that couldn't come
to us. Okay? Because there's and and also
there's no way that our hearts
are on the same level of purity as
as Aisha and Hafsa
nor other men of this time
of the same level of no way.
No way are they on the level of
of.
Okay? So this is what you have to
keep in mind. Right? So that's the first
thing about
about, you know, about the eye gut guarding
the eyes, and that's for males and females.
And we're talking oh, so we're also talking
about
yeah. Nam.
So then the next thing is about the
tongue. The next thing is about the tongue,
how the tongue also has a share
in, you know, in taking that it's from
the means towards and how is that
if the if, obviously, if someone speaks in
a way that is seductive
or, you know
you understand?
You know, speaking when it's not like, now,
like,
you can find women
who would speak in a most disgusting way
with men, like,
explicit things that should not like, private things,
you know,
things that you should not speak about a
man, you know, with the, you know, with
these kind of
in this sort of way. It's not the
way that a woman speaks with a man
like this openly. Right?
So you have to look at the way
you speak. Look at the way you speak.
And again, how do I know how to
speak? I look at what is what would
you consent to be formal and business like?
Like, if you're in a workplace, a professional
workplace,
how would how would you be expected to
speak with each other? That's the way you
should speak with your brother in Islam who's
not you know, you're not married to him
and, he's not your.
And,
again, like I said, the way you speak,
you make it in a dignified manner. Right?
Not not
With haya. No. No. But we but the
thing is when you say haya, no one,
you know, what is even haya? You know?
So we have to explain what it is
because you can say hey out, but it's
too broad. Like, no one understands what does
that mean. You know what I mean? Like,
people don't understand. What what do you mean?
What what what is the barrier? Like, what
is the you see? So and so an
example of that is, like, not laughing and
joking,
speaking freely, and just having a normal conversation,
like, the way you'd speak with your your
girlfriends
and just, Yeah. What did you do on
the weekend? And, like like, that kind of
conversation. No.
You know? It's it's okay it's okay to
say, for example,
a brother dropped something,
jazakaloke
brother, for example,
or, you know,
you saw a brother he, you know, you
know, and, brother, how's your wife? Inshallah, I
ask Allah, please give my salam to your
wife. You know, stuff like that. You know,
that's a dignified way. It's not, you know,
you're not saying anything that's,
you don't try to say getting into personal
getting into personal matters. When you start getting
personal, that's when you know you've gone too
far. Right?
So laughing and, like I said, joking and
just
speaking without boundaries.
And this also includes
when we get together in meetings
or even online interactions,
even online interactions. Like so so it's possible
for men and women to be on the
same
to be on the same,
like, for example, WhatsApp group. Right? If there's
a purpose. Like, maybe they need to talk
about, like, for example, it could be an
MSA, and they need to plan things together.
Right? Or they could be
you know, they need to plan projects. It
might be a charity organization. They need to
plan things. That's okay. They're there and but
they have to talk. They look at the
way you know, they don't get out of
control, start laughing with each other, brother and
sister, you know, in you know, they they
maintain
Islamic etiquettes,
you know, business like,
you know do you understand? This is this
is what we need to maintain.
And, again, what we said before about not
being soft and alluring in a way
that that that the person speaks.
Then the other thing the other thing is
about the other thing mentioned in the same
hadith I was going on I was talking
about was wal yadu tazni
wazinahal
al alams. Right? That they also the the
the hand
has a share of
you know, it's from
the. Like, it
Like, it's from the means that that can
lead to. Right?
This is what's not allowed for non mahrams
to touch each other.
It's not allowed for if if that man's
not your or he's not your husband, you
don't you don't you're not allowed to touch
each other.
Right? There's boundaries,
and that includes shaking hands.
That includes shaking hands. Why is shaking hands
not allowed?
Because
even though it's only you know, you might
think, oh, but he's, you know, it's my
cousin. It's it's my
my auntie's husband.
But it's not allowed. It's not allowed to
he's not he's not your.
And even though you might think you don't
you don't know. Like, you know, it this
is this is it's there to stop it's
there to stop the doors of fitna. It's
there to stop the doors of fitna. Alright,
sisters?
It's not to make to make life hard.
It's there to stop the doors of fitna.
And, you know, there's a there's a hadith
in which the messenger of Allah said,
for a nail of iron to be driven
in the head of 1 of you, it'll
be better for him than to touch a
woman who is not lawful for him.
Right? So it's it's not allowed. Like, you
gotta think about that. It's, Yani because it
can lead to it can lead to a
fitna. It can lead to fitna. Men and
women just freely touching each other. If we
think, oh, okay. He's my cousin. He's my
and then next thing, you know, you you
know, you don't care about you're just letting
anyone touch you. You know?
And this there's a need and this is
there's a Hajjar. Like, for example, a doctor
treats the patient or, you know, things like
that. That's different. You know? But we're saying
the default the default
is that men and women who are not
married to each other do not touch each
other. That's it.
The next one as well is
you need to avoid close-up interactions
with not with non mahrams.
Right?
There needs to be boundaries between
males and females who are not married to
each other. Right? And again, that goes back
to what I had said earlier, that hadith
of the messenger of Allah, salallahu alayhi wa
sallam, which he said,
that I've not left any
fitna that is more harmful to men than
than than women, not because it's women's fault.
They it's because men have to be aware
of that. Like, they have to be aware
of that's their weakness. Like, they naturally are
very attracted to women,
and
and so
because of that, we need to have certain
boundaries to protect ourselves as women.
And
says, just to think of it because people
becoming very ignorant. Now
you can see
a lot of people are becoming so careless
where they're allowing their children to go to
mixed high schools
and so the boys and girls are mixing
in them in the high schools. Now I'm
not talking about if you've got a high
school, there's a a boys section, the girls
section. I'm talking about you're just allowing the
boys and girls to be in this you
know, the classrooms together
and
they can interact and talk
and, you know, you understand? They're they're going
through a very difficult age. Well, in teenage
years, it's a very difficult age.
They're going through puberty
and they're getting all these
new feelings that they didn't used to have.
You know, they had they experienced
for the first time. Right?
And the says
that men mixing with women is like putting
fire next to wood.
What happens when you put the wood next
to the fire? The the the wood burns.
Same thing. And we're seeing this happening in
the classrooms. Unfortunately, some of these so called
Islamic schools even. It's very sad. They think,
oh, it's Islamic school, but they're putting the
boys and and girls and guess what's happening
now? I'm getting phone calls.
What do I do now? My my son
or my daughter is now in love with
this boy in her class with this girl,
you know, and all this is going on
and they're too young really to get married
yet. Like, they're only
they're only, you know, 15, 16. You know?
We can't say, alright. Get the it's difficult.
You know? It's not
this is what happens. You know? You can't
do that. Yeah. I mean, you you you
know, there's a reason why we have segregation.
Okay?
I'm not saying that they can't have never
see a boy in their life. I'm not
saying that, but I'm just saying don't have
them in the same classroom. They can completely
communicate, you know, all day together.
And,
there's a lot more to say. I'll I'll
keep going because they're gonna call the event
in a minute.
But, look, this is why like, just to
go through some examples in the sunnah, go
reflect on the reflect on the ayats in
the Quran, reflect on the sunnah
of how it calls for making
certain segregation between men and women. It's not
just, like, just get them all together and
hope for the best. No. That's not what
Islam calls for. Right? I mean, for example,
in the Quran,
Allah says,
So
Allah says in this verse, you know, for
women, their default should be their home. Like,
women, it's okay for them to go to
they can go outside. I'm gonna come back
to it in a minute. But, okay, that
she can be a human being. You know,
she can go out of her house and
do things. Okay?
But her default is her home. Like, not
just she's out 247
outside the house and she's at the beach
and she's she's everywhere. Everywhere he looks, she's
outside. You know? You know what I'm trying
to say? You know, just just letting every
you know, that's not, Yani, that's not her
her her place. Right?
But also
that Allah says don't do
like the
of the past. Like, the women would be
all the women would be mixing with the
man outside
and the, you know All like that. She
would they would wear their their their head
veils to the back and show off their
necks and their earrings and,
you know, stamping their feet and try to,
you know, attract men and, like like, this
is Saudi here. Like like, you don't need
even to know about Jahilia. Just look at
Jahilia and you're, you know, outside
and you can see how he shouldn't be.
And you can see how he shouldn't be,
and you can now you can see why
Allah said don't be like that. There's a
reason because do you wanna turn it like
that? Because that's what's gonna happen if we
don't if we don't do these things. Right?
Yeah. Anyway but look at look at the
chastity and fury of of of Islam and
the teachings. Right? For example just give a
few examples.
Right? So the messenger of Allah said,
why did the messenger of Allah say the
best rows
of women please, if you can Yep. Thanks.
The best rows of women are the last
and the worst are the first. Now
why is that? Not not when they're separated,
but when the men are praying directly
the women the men are praying directly in
front of you and there's no, like, barrier,
it's easy for the men to see the
women, you know, if they turn around or
something like that. That's why the woman at
the back will be better because she's more
secluded away from the men. You get me?
It's not always because some people don't understand
these hadiths. They don't understand the context of
these hadiths.
So that's in the case where they're praying
right behind the men. The men can easily
turn around and see her. That's why the
the first row is not as good as
the as the last row in that case.
Right? Even we see the messenger of Allah
when he would pray, he would wait after
the prayer.
He would wait a little while with the
men and allow the women to go. That
was respect.
They had respect. You know, they used to
wait, allow the women to leave, and then
after that, the men would leave. So that
that so that way the men and women
aren't mixing together. Right? When Aisha used to
go to Hajj al Umrah, okay,
she would purposely do Tawaf away from the
men. She wouldn't be right in the middle,
like so if you do Tawaf, for example,
you don't just say, oh, look at all
the Muslims. They were all mixed together. No.
You've got a responsibility. You either have your
Mahram around you, next to you, or you
go around in a group of women so
that you're protected within the group of women.
Not just you walk around freely, like, you
know, you know, dinner stands. So this is
this is the way we implement it. And
and and that's exactly why as well the
messenger of Allah said as well that the
the prayer of the woman in in her
home is more rewardable. Not to say she
can't go to masjid, but it's just more
rewardable for her
to be in her, to pray in her
home. And even if she prayed in her
room, her her bedroom, her private quarters, it's
better than she prayed in the, you know,
the more outer part of her house. Right?
But I wanna add here, this is what
I was talking about a little earlier,
that we have to understand that Islam did
not call call for extreme
over women.
Like,
there should be Like, a man should have
in that like, he wants to like, he's
gonna be asked by Allah about his his
home and his household and all of that,
But there are there's a lot of exaggeration
now, especially now with the red pill movement.
There's a lot of exaggeration about the level
of
this. Right? Like I said before, like, you
can get the point where you got people
telling their wives they can't even go to
the mailbox to get a letter from the
mailbox. I mean, that's that's more extreme than
any of the Sahaba or any go read
the and go and you will see how
they were practicing. That's the best way to
understand your religion. Go read the the Sahabiya,
the Sahaba, how they used to interact with
each other, the the things that they used
to do and that that shows you how
we interact these ayats and hadith. But coming
back to what I was gonna say, Islam
did not call call for extreme of women
where a woman it just becomes invisible. She
can't do anything.
Okay?
And this is exactly why the prophet said,
Right? The messenger of Allah said, do not
forbid the female servants of Allah from going
to the masajid.
Even though their houses are better for them.
Like, if they're gonna get more more reward
if they stay home because it and that's
from the of Allah because it's easier for
you as a woman to pray in your
home. Once you have kids, once you get
married, have kids, you'll find that being being
in your house is so much easier. Like,
oh, no. I wanna go to Hajj or
I go to Umrah.
And the first day I say, I'm gonna
pray 5 times in the in the Haram.
And every time I have to put my
hijab on, I get all ready and I'm
like then I end up just going there
for fudge and and a shirt. Because I
I I I thought I'm time and I
said, oh,
again, like, by day by day 2 or
day 3, I'm too tired to go and
put all my hijab back on. You know
what I'm trying to say so. But anyway,
maybe you're better than me. Maybe you go
for 5 prayers the whole time. But for
me,
that I can just
pray in my home and ensure it's better
for me anyway. Point is,
the messenger of Allah did not he said,
do not forbid
the female servants from going to the masajid.
Right? Even though when they go to masajid,
there's gonna be some kind of mixing a
little bit. Not not mixing, but, you know,
there's gonna be men and women gonna, like,
somehow say each other a bit and stuff
like that. And interestingly,
you know, the wife of Omar Radhi Allahu
Anhu,
Artika, she used to always go and pray
in the masjid.
She used to always go and pray the,
like, for example,
she would go pray in the masjid. Not
every prayer, but she would pray some in
the masjid.
And you know how you know the of?
No one could have more than the way
was. Right?
And and he, you know, and she basically
said,
she said to him,
I will go out unless you forbid me.
I'm gonna keep going to Masjid. Like, I'm
not gonna stop going Masjid unless you forbid
me, and Omar never forbid her.
Umar never forbade her. In fact, they said
that when Umar was assassinated
in the masjid
that they said that she was actually in
the masjid at that time.
But why didn't he forbid? Because he did
not wanna go against
what the prophet
had said. He wasn't gonna go against what
the Rasul said. Right?
Now as I said before,
when you read the,
right, you read the stories of the Sahaba
and the Sahabi'at, you can see there was
a certain amount of interaction.
They used to sometimes ask each other questions.
They would see each other places.
You know, women would go out for their
needs. They would visit their families.
They would
visit their friends.
They would buy and sell. They would go
out for certain
even. They used to go out for certain
campaigns.
Right? So we know that we know that
there was a certain level of interaction, but
if you look at the way they're interacting,
it was all very noble. You know what
I mean? It was very high and pure,
you know, very high and,
pure
like what we had described so far. It's
not like this sitting together laughing and all
of that sort of stuff. Do you understand,
sisters?
Now that's what I'm saying to get the
balance and I just wanna also mention this
beautiful quote by Al Imam Ibn Muqayim Rahim
Allot I really love and always keep this
in your mind when you hear people talking
about the religion.
He says that there in the Sharia is
founded
upon wisdom
and welfare.
So the Maslaha,
right, and hikma
for the servants in this life and the
next. So the whole sharia
is founded and based
upon
hikmah, wisdom,
and also
the welfare, like what's good for the servants.
Right? And he said its entirety is justice,
adil,
and mercy, wahma,
and benefit
and wisdom, hikmah. Right?
Now listen to this. He says,
whenever you find or every matter that abandons
justice towards a dun
right? Every everything that calls towards leaves justice
is not just anymore
and calls towards
oppression
or leaves mercy and goes towards cruelty
and harshness
or leaves benefit for corruption
or leaves wisdom for foolishness,
that's not part of the Sharia.
Even if it was introduced therein by an
interpretation. Even if someone comes and says I've
got a for this.
You understand? So if you if you if
you see someone coming in and and coming
with a but you can see that that
is so extreme. Like, always remember, Islam is
the most balanced religion between the extremes. It's
never
you understand? It's
never too extreme this way or too extreme
that way. Like, it's it's it's it's somehow
the laws of the Sharia are are given
for us to be able to interact in
this world, not so that we cannot interact
in this world.
Okay. So now we come to how do
I apply these guidelines in today's society. So
I hope I've given you a very
powerful
framework for you to understand the way you
interact now. Most of the questions that you
had, hopefully,
you can kind of have an idea now
of how you're supposed to conduct yourself.
But what we always say to Allah says
in the Quran,
You know, fear Allah as much as you
are able,
you know,
and
and. Don't follow the footsteps of shaitan because
when you follow the footsteps of shaitan, you
end up falling into the Haram.
Alright?
So that's that's what I can basically say
in relation to,
you know, the the interaction of of the
genders, the way to navigate it is in
in in within this framework.
And now it's just a matter of taking
the specific points or the specific
scenarios
and then how do you apply it on
that scenario.
Right?
So,
if you wanna maybe ask a few questions
in please try to stick to the topic
so we just focus on today's topic.
And I do have some
I do have some points that I asked
my class as well
to give me some, you know, some
points,
like things that we can take into consideration
or the things that they wanted to know
about.
We can maybe go through that as well
while you're thinking about, questions that you have.
So one of them was, you know, how
to interact with male relatives
that are non mahrams.
Right? You have a a male relative who's
not who's not a to you. Like, it
could be your brother-in-law, could be,
your auntie's husband,
a cousin, something like that.
You know, someone's asking, can we say hello
and to what extent you're able to communicate?
And like I said, it's not that you
can't communicate.
You can communicate as long as there's no
fear of fitna. Obviously, if you feel like
he keeps looking at you in a strange
way,
then we can say that, okay. I think
I better I better distance myself a bit
more. You know? But if it's just normal
relationship, you know, know, so I come how
are you,
you know, just so I come how are
you? I hope you're well, inshallah. You know,
just basic, you know,
etiquettes, manners, you know, without being too personal,
but just
do you know do you know what I'm
trying to say? Being a human being. Being
a human being, basically. Alright?
And then they were asking, you know,
what about the repercussions
of not segregating in family settings? Okay. So,
like, we know that a lot of families,
they wanna sit sit together. Like, they wanna
bring their family together, and I understand that,
but what we have to do then if
we're gonna be if we are gonna be
in that situation because a lot you know,
you you can control your own immediate family,
but then you go to other people's houses.
They don't they're not the same as you.
You know? But at least
have the the men and women not who
are not married to each other, not facing
each other.
Okay? So and and if possible, have the
women in, like you know, they could be
in the same lounge room, but women on
one side together talking, men on the other
side, you know, and and ideally have
have so the men and women women are
not like, who are not married facing each
other. You understand? So that, like, if you're
sitting at the table,
you don't have the ones that are not
married, you know, married to each other facing
each other where they can stare at each
other and
and then how are they talking at the
table? They're not, like the ones who are
not married to each other, they don't interact
like normal. You you understand? Like, they will
be limited. They won't
there'll be limited
interaction with the way that they are, you
know, dealing with each other. Right?
So that's what I can say about that.
Obviously, you can't be hugging non Muslim non
non Mahrams. You obviously can't hug. Like someone's
asking me, what do I do when I
have non who wanna come and hug me
and they wanna touch me freely and they
come too close to us, they come close
to our children? Like, look, we're we're allowed
to have boundaries.
And I think that, you know, it's it's
interesting that COVID even
made us realize that it's okay to have
boundaries.
Like, before that, a lot of Muslims were
too shy to actually establish boundaries for themselves.
There's nothing wrong with placing some boundaries because
if you don't have boundaries, it's like it's
not comfortable. Like,
now even in the workplace, you know, go
back quite quite a few years ago, let
me tell you because I remember years ago
and I was I used to work. By
the way, I have worked. A lot of
people who give these talks, can I just
say,
have never walked worked in a normal workplace
and they've never studied in a normal university
setting? I've done both of those. I have
worked in a normal Australian workplace
and I'm also full time and and I've
also, studied at university too. So what I'm
speaking about, I'm not speaking about,
you know, I'm not just talking about theoretical
here. I'm speaking about practical. I studied university.
I studied my degree even though I was
wearing a The second time I went back
to university, I was wearing a and I
used to just make sure I always sat
away from the men.
You know, usually, I sit at the back
of the the room,
away from the men, sit with the sisters.
There's there's a way to conduct yourself.
Okay? It's not like if you go to
uni, you can't conduct yourself. Yes. You can.
Anyone here who's been to uni, and I
know because I go into and speak to
the sisters. I go I get invited all
the time by the MSAs.
And sometimes you can find the sisters there
are more practicing than outside the university. So
I get very upset when I hear people
say, oh, women can't go to university and
they're gonna get corrupted and all that. No.
It depends on the woman. If the woman
is strong, she knows herself.
There's no reason why she has to be
corrupted. We have MSAs that help the sisters
to you know, and brothers. Not just sisters,
brothers. Brothers can get corrupted too.
Okay?
So there's ways of of conducting ourselves. And
the same okay. Another, okay. Another question I
had was, you know, about women in the
workplace.
Women in the workplace.
Now
it's allowed for a woman to work. It's
allowed for a woman to work. Right? But
how is the work? Even for a man,
men can't just work anywhere.
They have to make sure that that that
that workplace that they choose is not in
con in contradiction to their religion.
Like, if they're working in a workplace where
this woman keep coming in with, like, half
naked every single day, he needs to change
his workplace. It's not a good workplace for
him.
Okay?
And the same thing for a woman. If
she has to constantly be touching men or,
like, she's being alone with men or like,
that's not a right that's not a right
place for her.
So you try to find a workplace where
you're mainly dealing only with women as much
as possible.
Alright? And, obviously, as well
as well,
you know, obviously, again, what did we say
before about the default is our our household.
Like, we don't wanna go to work and
our whole household is falling apart, our kids
are falling apart. You know, so we have
to balance everything. Some people have no choice.
They you know, it's paramount, like, make everything
easy for everybody. This I have so many
friends,
make it make it easy for them. Like,
they have to try to be both the
father and the mother for their children. It's
a very difficult thing.
And a lot of women don't have the
choice. They have to go to work. Right?
But you try to choose the best work
environment that doesn't compromise your dean as much
as possible. Right? And that's the same thing
for men. It's not just women, for men
too.
But obviously, if we have the choice,
then obviously we we wanna try to, you
know, be in the home as much especially
with the kids who are growing up. The
kids, they need us to be around. Like,
I know because I'm talking about from an
Australian background. I'm from an Australian background. My
mom was home,
and I had a friend who her mom
wasn't home. She was always at work and
she had no clue what her daughter was
doing after school. And let me tell you,
it wasn't good stuff.
Because, you know, she's never home. She wasn't
home. I'm talking look. Some women, I'm not
sure they have beautiful jobs where they're home
by the time their kids come home. That's
amazing. That's ideal. And that's the kind of
job you look for if you had to
work or you wanted to if you want
to work. We're not saying you you only
have to work. It's allowed for women to
work. But just she has to look at
what kind of workplace.
Right?
So that's all I can say about that.
Who who wants to ask some questions?
Anybody wanna ask some questions? I'm just trying
to cover a few things. Yes. Can you
comment and, take a few about your social
media and other Oh, yeah.
Yeah. If I can just listen to the
sister, if you don't mind sisters, she's, if
we listen listen to everybody, we can learn
from other people.
Say thank you. Yeah. You're welcome. That our
social media is hard. Yeah. Because we can't
unfortunately,
it is
a day and time now. Yeah.
It's a comment that I've made into my
husband where you're scrolling through, and you do
see beautiful regenerative sisters Yeah. Whether they have
the business, but they're Yeah. Naughty mad there.
Yeah. But truth be told, I find it
seductive.
Yeah. Of course it is.
To even tell my husband and say, look.
Just watch the pages because this algorithm Yeah.
Come up. Yep.
It's upsetting.
Yep. And it's it's quite hard to
raise a teenage
daughter with boundaries and Yeah. With all of
these.
I don't know
if and it's probably better coming from a
woman. We don't wanna hear it from a
woman. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what the
what what is it? Is it is it
the intention
and you can't judge me kind of things?
I didn't know what the education
will be from here Yes. Onwards for this.
So look. I mean, like, I mean and
that's what I say to you as well.
I find we always hear
we always hear the onus is on the
women, but it's also on the men. Like,
you know, if I have a man come
and tell me that, oh, you need to
cover your eyes, I'll say, what do you
even do on Instagram?
Yeah. You know? What do you even do
on Instagram? Why are you even following a
woman's page?
Go look at go look at go follow
men's pages.
Don't don't follow my page.
But in saying that, I mean, you need
to do your you need to do your
site. You know? You can't just be, like
Ella said before, pulling all these strange faces,
putting all this makeup on, doing a dance,
and saying, oh, the men shouldn't follow me.
No. That's exactly like if you went out
straight side in the street and started doing
a belly dance
in the middle of, like, Halden Street and
say, no one should look at me. It's
it's up to me. Like, look. You know
the problem is? The a western mindset is
it's it's, you know, it's my choice. It's
all about me and what I do. It's
about the individual. But Islam doesn't look at
it like that. Like, Islam actually looks at,
like,
the whole Sharia actually looks at not
just at the individual, but also the, like,
the individual has a right in Islam, but
the the community and the ummah and the
society,
they they also have a right. You understand?
So you can't also just do whatever you
like because what you do has an impact
on the society.
Right? So this is why we have to
see each other as not just individuals.
We have to see each other as, like,
pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, you could say,
that we all have a a role to
play
in upholding the moral code
of the Muslim community.
Yeah? And that's what it is. And that's
why those a lot of women on social
media, they they don't understand that. They because
they've been brought up in the west, and
they've got they've got brainwashed
in that mindset of I I can do
whatever I like. I'm free. It's between me
and Allah. It no one can tell me
what to do. It's between me and Allah.
That's what they say. Right?
But, no, they're gonna be judged they're gonna
be judged based upon the impact.
That's why did the messenger of Allah say
that that woman's free to go wear perfume?
If she puts on a strong perfume, what
did he say about the woman who goes
out with a strong perfume? Did he say,
oh, she's free. It's between her and Allah.
He didn't say that. He said she she
she is she takes a share. She takes
a share of the the sin
of the men who got seduced by her
or thought about her in a in a
haram way.
Right?
So it's it's not just about it's not
just about, you know,
what like, me me, myself, and I.
It's about you you've gotta always think about
when I do an action, how is that
gonna impact on other people?
Right? It's the same thing when women go
on social media and take off their hijab.
Everybody, look, everybody has their struggles. Right? We're
not gonna judge people for their struggles, but
we will we will have something to say
if they go on there and say, look,
everybody.
I took off my hijab,
and now I'm living the best life ever.
I'm sorry. You can't just do that. You,
you know, you you doing that. You have
an impact on others. Yes. Exactly. You have
an impact on others. Exactly. So it's not
just about you.
Right? So this is what this is what,
you know, this is what Islam looks at.
It's not just don't be so
selfish. Like, that's what you know, the western
western culture I know. I'm a I'm a
westerner. Okay?
Western culture is it's really just all about
it just makes you only focus on yourself.
You know? And what, you know, what's good
for me, that's what's important. I didn't care
less about anybody else. That's not what Islam
Uh-huh.
You don't say it in Arabic. Oh, yeah.
Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you wanna
do like, she's saying if you wanna do
a sin
doing a sin is one thing. Like, you
understand, doing a sin is one thing. If
it's just a secret sin, you conceal it.
Islam teaches us to conceal our sins,
but doing it openly and proudly, that's that
makes the sin far far far worse. Like
the the punishment for it is far far
worse than if you just did it secretly
and you did it humbly, like a woman
was really struggling and I'm not, you know,
inshallah, Allah keeps everyone steadfast, but just say
she was genuinely struggling and she just couldn't
with a hijab, for example, but she went
about it in a humble way. She didn't
go promoting it, you know, she was upset
and she felt so bad and, you know,
for example, that woman's not gonna be no
way on the same level as someone who
goes on, like, for example, social social media
like some of them do and they make
a statement and then the next day you
see them all happy and living a better
life that so called in, you know
and the next thing, you know, not only
are they doing that, but then now they're
mixing with the man, sitting down, laughing and
chatting and, like, it's not it doesn't just
stop with taking off their jabber. It goes
on and on. It goes into everything else.
You know?
Anyway,
anyone else got any, questions?
If you wanna understand anything, we can
Oh, the questions. Oh, yeah. Okay. The okay.
Okay. Yeah.
Alright.
So, yeah, so when you're watching, TV shows,
like, see. So again, like,
you know, it's it's
how we judge things is depending on on
the content.
Do you know what I mean? Like, if
it's just normal content, it could be okay.
But, obviously, if there's, like, intimate kissing,
then we have to turn our sights away.
We have to fast forward. Like, we shouldn't
just watch intimate kissing and or, like, intimacy
between, you know, or, like, nakedness, like, and
just watch it like it's nothing. You know?
It it it will have an effect on
our hearts as well.
Right? So that's how you that's how you
weigh up whether it's suitable. And sometimes you
have to filter it out. Like, you have
to fast forward. You have to maybe turn
off the TV during that, you know, and
maybe the rest of the show is okay.
But, you know, that's why you have to
you have to you know, we can't just
watch it. Because if if you watch it,
what's gonna happen is you become desensitized. And
you've and it becomes like nothing to you
anymore. What if you want more and you
have some boundaries? So if you want to
see the numb hem on the It's it's
again, as I said to you, it's okay
as long as there's no attraction. Like, if
you like, you can watch the news or
you can watch a show. You know? It's
alright. It's it's it just comes under no
permissibility.
When it comes to to come under the
Haram or Macron is when, for example, you're
you're watching it and you're all looking at,
you know, stuff a lot, but, like, you
know, I'm sorry. But women now are, like
like, in the past, it was just men
checking out the woman. Now it's women do
that. Like, oh, look at that guy. Oh
my god. Look at his body. Like,
all that kind of talk. Like, you know
that you've gone too far. When you get
into that kind of thing, you know you've
gone too far. You know? I'm just saying
this openly because that's I need to be
real because
come on. Everyone go if you did got
brought up in Australia, you've you've dealt you've
you've mixed with non Muslim girls, and
we get influenced from the environment around us.
You know? Yeah. And it's not just non
Muslim girls. Let me say sometimes I'm I'm
gonna be really sad to say this, but
sometimes the Muslim girls are worse than non
Muslim girls. Let's be honest. Like, I know
if you talk to some of your daughters
and and you tell your daughters, oh, what
are you hearing about that Muslim Muslim girl?
I'll say to you, mom, you don't know
what she really does? I and sometimes I'll
tell you that, you know, that girl's worse
than the non Muslim girl that I hang
around with at school. The non Muslim girl's
got more manners than, you know, so so
that's the reality, you know, sadly.
Yes. Yes.
Thank you so much for your participation. Oh.
Yeah. So it was related to that question.
Mm-mm.
Oh, yeah.
Like, when you mean to say celebrity, are
you talking about not like a a man
or a woman?
Yeah.
Woman having a car, like a
Yeah. Yeah. Look.
Look.
It's it's really important, sisters.
It's it's really important that we
we we try to understand
that there are some things that it's like
a natural development. I'm not saying we should
encourage this. I'm just trying to say that
we don't wanna overreact on certain things.
Okay? So it's as mothers,
it's important that we don't overreact
with everything. Okay? So, like, just say your
daughter goes, oh, I really love that guy
or whatever.
Like, you know,
this is a time for you to say,
you know, look. You know, that that's a
healthy part of growing up that, you know,
as you get older,
you know, you find that as a woman,
you start to have feelings towards men. You
know? And
and yeah. That's right. And, men start to
have feelings towards women too. That's a that's
a normal part of growing up, you know.
But at the same time,
you know and then you can bring these
I I just spoke about today, you know.
But at the same time, if we feel
attracted to someone, we actually are supposed to
lower our gaze. We're not supposed to keep
looking at them. You know what I mean?
Because it's it's actually because you know what?
You know why we're supposed to lower the
gaze?
Because the messenger of Allah taught us that
once you if you don't lower the gaze,
the shaitan
puts, like, infatuation in your heart.
So you get infatuation in your heart. You
said to become very attached you don't you
don't even become logical. Like, I sometimes get
women. I get girls often. They contact me,
and they say, I'm just in love with
this boy. I'm in love with this guy,
and, he hasn't like, I want him to
ask me to marry, you know, marry him
or or something. You know? But she's just
totally in love with this guy and,
you know
do you know what I mean? And because
she kept on, like maybe she spoke to
him a a lot or she kept on
looking at him, and she became infatuated. And
she doesn't she's not looking at it like,
is this guy actually does he even have
a good qualities to be a husband?
You know what I'm trying to say? So
all I'm saying to you is that that
that makes you become weak. You actually become
weak by that. You You don't become rational.
You lose your rational,
you know, you you lose what's actually maybe
best for you. Like, that person might not
be best for you at all. It could
be very harmful for you. But because you
let yourself
you be you know, you let the shaitan
but you open the door to shaitan
so you'll be coming back to it by
someone who
they might not be you know, it's partly
it's a good chance they're not even good
for you. You know what I'm trying to
say? So just explain it like that. Just
try to explain it like that, but don't
be don't overreact. Don't overreact
because it is it is a it's just
a normal it's yeah. They're going up and
they're and even when they're little. Like, you
know, for example, you know, you could have
I remember when my kids were at school,
you know,
they would tell me, oh, you know what?
I was in the bus today, and this
boy, he said he loves that girl. You
know? And they're only 6.
But at the same time at the same
time, you know, it's important that you do
teach your kids. You should I used to
teach my kids. Right? For when they're small,
I say boys pay boys, girls pay girls.
I used to teach them that. For when
they're small, like, you know, 6 or 7
or something like that. That's cool. I teach
them boys pay. Good boys, girl pay girls.
You know what I'm trying to say? And
I just get them used to that idea
that, you know,
just it's not complete segregation. Like, they're still
in the classroom with boys and stuff like
that. But just to learn that, you know,
girls play girls, boys play boys just to
get in their mind. You know? This is
how we this is how we are because
you don't want them to grow up to,
like, being 12.
Yeah. And they're going through puberty. The girls
are often going through puberty at 11 or
12,
and they're still having no relationships
and talking normally with the guys. You know?
And they're not used to being away from
them, so it's hard for them to change.
Yeah.
Yeah. I think often it's as well, it's
the it's the society that has made them
lose their.
Yes. Yes. Do you know what I'm trying
to say? Haya. It's not necessary they're affected
by feminism. Like, most young girls probably don't
even know what that means.
Do you know what I'm trying to say?
Most of them don't even probably know what
it means, but it's just it's just because
look at the society.
Even boys, they have no haya. Like, don't
think, sisters,
don't think don't think is just women.
Of man, even Had more
than a version in in seclusion. Like, you
know, is for for I taught my boys,
you know, I taught my boys just as
much as I taught the girls. Like and
that's a big problem I find the Muslim
community as well. I wanna add that they
they sometimes got overboard with the girls in
teaching and they just let the boys go
crate. Like, they just let the boys loose.
And they don't teach them.
Like, we have to teach the boys like
lowering their gaze,
guiding, you know, wearing appropriate clothing, not, like,
just,
not not talking to girls just easily,
you know. Do you understand?
Having having noble noble character. Like, think about
the prophets and messengers.
That's your example. Ask yourself if you wanna
think about how you should be teaching your
kids, how would those how did Yusuf like
Yusuf alaihis salaam.
That I actually, I when my kids especially
my boys when they when they reached teenage
years,
I went through the story of Yusuf alaihis
salaam and, I got them to memorize that
surah,
suit Yusuf.
And how did Yusuf protect his chastity
from that woman who tried to seduce him?
So Islam came
for for to for men to have modesty
and and have and protect themselves too because
I'm just saying this because we always unfortunately,
there's so much overemphasis on the women and
their but they don't teach enough about there's
not enough emphasis on the men.
And, you know,
you know, saying the women are loud will
even the men, there's loud men too. The
way they're behaving is not the the way
of a Muslim man. It's not the way
of a Muslim man. You know? Muslim men
are supposed to
you know, the way they're supposed to behave
is not like a not like a not
like a clown
and not like
a a loud a loud mouth with no
manners, with no.
Okay. Now, unfortunately, you can see a lot
of them that's where how they are. It's
very sad. Like, you know, people who haven't
done tarbiyah like, they haven't done proper tarbiyah
of their children.
You can see it very, it's everywhere.
You know? I remember when my kids were
at school, the way their boys used to
behave, the girls used to behave.
There's no.
There's no. That's the whole problem. Means, like,
bringing up the children properly on their Islamic
etiquettes.
Where are the where are the parents?
Where are the parents? The parents aren't doing
their job. Well, why they're not? They're not
teaching their children the Islamic etiquettes from when
they're young and then they come crying to
you when the kid's 18
or or 20. They come crying to you.
Oh, look at my door. Look at my
son. But you didn't teach them from the
beginning. That's why they've turned out like that.
It's very hard to change. Like, once they
got used to a certain way what did
I say before?
That the prevention
is easier and better than trying to cure
the problem when it's already happened.
You know?
Yes. That,
celebrity interaction all there. Yeah. This is also
important to
mind. Yeah. And at that, we don't know
who's dying in our life, you know? This
is the last thing. And at that, when
they don't get the ideal
guy, because it's male or female,
they can't try to get set and launch
if you actually particular life. This is an
also this is another big problem. Sorry. Can
you say that to me again? I don't
understand it. And you know, regarding that celebrity
question Yeah. You know what's happening?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. But I just wanna say
something. Like, sisters, when it comes to the
celebrities Yeah. Okay. Can I say that those
celebrities just we gotta we gotta understand something?
See, when you're young, you're a little bit
naive. You don't understand what's on the other
side. If you had been brought up as
a non Muslim like me
and you know what those celebrities do, and
when you get older, you'll understand.
They are so they are so corrupt. Like,
they live in such a I'm sorry. They
live the most filthy life. When you know
how filthy their lives are, the drugs, the
stuff for the the
the god knows what else, like, everything. You
understand? Everything you can think of,
you'll be so turned off. They're not even
someone to follow. You understand? They're not someone
to follow. Like, you can't even even look
at them. They're not even
who are who are they? Nothing. They're nothing.
Their their their their worth in the sight
of Allah is nothing, less than nothing.
Right?
So,
like, you look for the people of virtue.
That's the ones you need to look for.
Like, people of virtue the people like, look
at the prophets and messengers are our greatest
role models and examples. How pure? Go back
to the Quran. Look at the way that
the the virtues and the character of the
prophets and messengers.
Like our messenger, salallahu alaihi wasalam, how is
his how is his beautiful character, the the
respect,
you know, the the chastity, the purity, all
of those things. You know, Islam, that's what
Islam came with. And those people, they they
are completely devoid of that.
So
anybody else got any? Yes. Yeah.
The question was, like, in our dramas, you
know,
this this is all romance. Oh, which which
drama are you talking about? Like, Bollywood and
stuff?
It might be romantic and Yeah. Yeah. Unloved
relations, like Oh, yeah. Get in love with
that. Yeah. Yeah. The scenes are like that.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's not, like, always the
bedroom scenes. So Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Like,
kisses Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In English movies? Yeah.
Yeah. But what we can do about that?
I was like, I keep I keep praying.
Like, we all,
remove the love of those girls from those
Yeah. Like,
will I make too unsure? Kisses, we have,
like, we need some entertainment. Yeah. Yeah. There's
nothing wrong. We will Yeah. Yeah. This and
that. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, like Yani, look.
It
like,
sometimes
sometimes we when we compare what's worse,
we think it's better looking at that than
that. You know what I'm trying to say?
At least it's let let me say this.
It's so sad to say this, but at
least it's
a natural
natural attraction, not something that's
unnatural attraction.
So,
you know, and at least it's
hope hopefully those shows you're watching, they they
actually end up getting married. You know, it's
not just like stuff a lot going into.
You know, they they actually gonna get married
in the end.
So,
you know,
I mean, it's normal for kids to think,
oh, you know, when I go up, I'm
gonna, you know, I'm gonna get married and
she's got at least a healthy mindset that
she's, you know, she's
do you know what I'm trying to say?
Like
That's true. Like As long as long as
watching, a movie image,
like gay or lesbian That's what I'm trying
to say.
Instead of that, this That's what I'm trying
to say. I'm not saying I'm I'm if
like, if we can avoid those things, if
we, Yani,
we have to kind of think what's the
worst and the better. You know what I'm
trying to say? And I don't know which
one's exactly you're talking about, but all I'm
saying to you is if there's,
like,
obviously, if there's passionate kissing and that they
shouldn't be watching those kind of things. They
should be turning away. They should be that
should be,
censored.
You censor it.
Yeah.
Okay. So someone's asking, can you wear red
lipstick?
Okay. So, yes, you can wear red lipstick
if you're at home with your parents,
with your you're in a wedding with sisters.
There's no one Mahrms are gonna see you.
But obviously, if you wear it outside
I mean, what was red lipstick invented for?
It was invented to accentuate the woman's lips,
to make her more sexually attracted.
You know one of the reasons I actually
loved Islam?
When I read about the hijab, and I
actually loved Islam for it. I just thought
that's amazing because I didn't realize I was
in a trap. Because I was one of
those women who used to go spend one
half hours
doing my hair in the in the mirror,
putting on all the makeup. And then one
day I realized when I read these books
about Islam, wow. I've actually been a slave
to men and I didn't even realize.
Giving them what they want, like, getting to
see whatever they want from me. You understand?
And I thought, no. I'm not gonna do
that. I'm gonna wear hijab. You know? You
understand? So
so that red lipstick,
you might have the good intention again, but
that's actually attracting to you. Like, it's accentuating
your lips and making the eyes look at
you, you know, through the red lipstick. So
and I and I just wanna say that
if women, like, if some if women are
wearing non obvious makeup, I don't I don't
think that's a problem. Like, if it's like
a bit of because people ask me can
I wear a bit of a little bit?
Like, you know, they've got dark circles. They
feel very self conscious and but with but
what should be what should be avoided? But
not when I say foundation, I mean,
like, don't make it obvious. You know? Just
make it subtle that it's not obvious. Do
you understand? To make yourself feel like a
human being, you could say, as a woman,
but not obvious where it can be seen.
You know what I mean? Not packed on
or, you know, obvious makeup. Okay? Avoid that.
Yeah. Well, obviously, if it's obvious, you you
have to be careful. You understand? Because now
it's starting
to attract to you. You understand? So you
you need to make sure it's just subtle,
like I said.
Can you see a woman whose hair is
a little bit of skin showing?
Can you see a woman whose hair is
a little bit of skin showing? I'm a
bit like Maybe. She seems like it's showing
a little bit of hair.
I'm not sure. Anyway, but women as I
said, you know, women are supposed to cover
their hair completely. K? So I don't know
exactly what that means.
Who is your That's a long story. I
did a whole research aside on that.
Let's say your in in short, your is
your close male relatives
you know, your uncle.
Okay? The close male relatives.
He's not he's not your
he's not your brother-in-law. Your brother-in-law is not
your
maharam.
Your
The the person you can't marry. Yeah. The
person you cannot marry. That's what maharam means.
Like, your your daughter's husband
is your maheram.
Your your your father's, sorry. Your mom's your
mom's husband your mom's husband is your maheram.
Your father-in-law and husband?
Your
father-in-law. Your father-in-law is your maheram. Yes.
Okay. So the close male who achieves that
you cannot marry, they are your.
What is your what if your parents can't
afford a segregated
school? Yeah. This is gonna be a very
big problem for us, ma'am, and make it
easy for us.
Okay.
So it's very sad that the government is
actually getting rid of the the the
the non segregated schools, the public schools. Because
up until now, we've had public schools like
Wylie Park Girls,
Bellmore Boys, Punchbowl Boys. They are unfortunately, it's
very sad, but they're actually moving to get
rid of all those,
single * schools and make them mixed. That's
actually very sad because that was actually a
good solution for so many Muslim families.
Like, they would put their kids in those
schools and it was very good. Like, at
least they were with all boys or all
all girls.
That That is gonna be a problem, mate.
I wanna make it easy.
Now
every
every child is different.
Every child is different. Some kids,
they know they're deigned. They're strong,
and they know how to stay away and
and stay with, you know, the boys, for
example.
If they, you know, their boys or they
they know their girls to stay with the
girls,
they might be able to cope.
You just have to see. But if you
know your child's weak, then you're gonna have
to try and, you know, may Allah make
it easy for you? Look for some type
of alternative. It might you might have to
think about maybe homeschooling
or, you know, you try to think of,
you you know, look for a a less
expensive Islamic school. Chop shop shop around and
make it easy for everyone because it is
it is a problem.
Yes. If you go to a mixed school,
doesn't it depend on how you act around
exactly. It does.
So that's what exactly what I'm trying to
say. Everybody is different. There are some kids
that come out of these public schools, and
on Labarik, they're so strong in their iman.
So just because they went to a public
school doesn't mean they could be better than
the not the ones in the Islamic school.
Trust me. I know. My kids all went
to Islamic schools
and, yes, there were some good kids in
those schools, but let me tell you as
well. There was some very, very, like
I mean, some people put their kids in
those schools to try to fix them up.
That doesn't work. Right? It doesn't work. So
the schools aren't there to fix your kids.
You know? It's like,
so, yeah, I'm I'm not trying to say
this that you can't. It's just gonna be
you've gotta be aware. You have to be
aware. If we if we teach our kids
these guidelines,
we and you're close to your kids. Like,
if your kids have a good relationship, a
healthy relationship with you and you're close with
them, it's it's gonna be possible
for them to go through without a problem.
But, you know, it's just something to keep
in mind.
Alright. So
is it okay to tell others your crush?
If I was gonna tell someone my crap,
like, if you had a crush,
hopefully no. I know that's not always the
case, unfortunately.
It's better just to, like hopefully, you've got
a healthy relationship with your mom. Sometimes some
not every not every girl has a healthy
relationship with their mom. Like, they don't feel
safe to to share with her because,
unfortunately, a lot of mothers,
they don't understand
kind of how to interact with their children.
They need some a bit more help. Right?
So they overreact a lot with their kids,
and that makes the kids not wanna share.
Alright? So understand. But if you do have
that good relationship,
you know, you could just share, mom, you
know what?
I've been like, I can't help but I've
been feeling a bit of a crush on
this boy. And and and hopefully, if she
as I said, if you got a healthy
relationship, she's gonna react exactly how I told
told you before.
She's gonna give you the she's gonna give
you a talk that, look, my daughter,
that's just a sign of you growing up
and and maturing,
and it just goes to show that you're
a healthy female and, you know, and
yeah.
So
okay. And she's gonna deal with it in
a good way, inshallah. Okay?
I go to uni and I sometimes
be late. The uni is very dim and
it is mostly other girls. I leave early
for my safety. I ask if I could
walk with a male classmate to the station.
Look.
It's better if you don't do that. Try
to try to,
try as much as you can to walk
with always females.
But let's just say there was just no
there was no one and you felt very
unsafe. You might like, you felt scared you
could get
attacked. I mean, we have the story of,
Salama,
who was making hijra.
She was making hijra from
Makkatu and Medina.
And yeah. I'm gonna I'm I know.
And the the Sahabi came and helped her
to do hijra.
So it's possible for a male, but then
there has to be
not all the time, once it happens, you
know, to to protect her.
Okay?
So, anyway, I hope that that answered both
of your questions. I think most of you
should have the an idea of what, like,
how it all works.
And, if anyone's interested in my classes,
if you're on social media, you can follow
me on,
at jumanadine
or on Facebook at jumanadine.
You can ask the sisters to my my
phone number, but I don't take calls. Only
you can just message me on WhatsApp. Alright?
Message me on WhatsApp, and I've got I'm
studying my new,
sharia class on the 27th July. We're studying
about salah.
Only for 17 years and over. I only
teach adults. I don't teach kids. Sorry.