Tom Facchine – When Aisha R.A. Was Accused Of Infidelity

The ifq is the paradigmatic difficulty that the

Prophet ﷺ went through.

People were accusing his wife of infidelity, right?

And he was affected by that to the

point where he kind of believed it, right?

And Aisha was pretty upset that he bought

into it, even to the extent that he

did.

Of course, he wouldn't, you know, come out

and say that he believed it.

He had procedural things that he had to

hold off judgment.

But the way he treated her, it was

as if he thought it was likely.

You know, he asked Ali, he asked Barira,

he asked different people that were around, trying

to do like a little investigation.

But at the end of the day, one

of the things that he did, and this

is something I think that all of us

can benefit from, is not making hasty decisions,

right?

First of all, not making, not jumping to

conclusions and making assumptions.

That's a big thing.

And trying to let certain things play out

and giving people a chance to redeem themselves

or at least clear their name.

You know, some of the couples that I

counsel, the husn ad-dhan is lacking, right?

Allah says in Surah Al-Hajrat, He says,

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا جِتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ

إِنَّ بَعْدَ الظَّنِ إِثْمٌ Okay?

Stay away from much suspicion or assumption because

some of it is sinful.

You can construct a whole narrative in your

head about somebody.

Imagining that they're doing this and it's really,

really hurtful in marriages when you start to

project it into the past.

Oh, you've always been this way.

You've always thought this way about my family,

right?

That's a common one.

You know, tensions between the extended relatives or

you don't value me or you don't help

me succeed or you don't do this or

you do that.

Now, what happens is because, you know, shaitan

works on us, we start to cherry-pick

our memories.

And so that we look for evidence that

confirms the narrative, right?

Whereas, if we're able to set certain ground

rules and control ourselves and try to have

a more sober understanding of what we can

know and what we can't know and what

we can assess and what we can't assess

and focus on ourselves.

I mean, at the end of the day,

to be very, very frank, I mean, if

somebody, if your spouse is going to really,

really deceive you and betray you and, you

know, kill you in the night, you know,

or something crazy like that, what are you

going to do to stop it, right?

If Allah ﷻ has willed it.

That's not to say, obviously, that we don't

take precautions and I'm not saying that you

should sleep with something next to you, but,

you know, like...

But you have to be right with Allah.

If you're right with Allah, as the Prophet

ﷺ said, then everything is good for you,

even if it's a hardship or something like

that.

Because at the end of the day, we

can only control ourselves.

Sometimes we resort to certain sort of methods

to try to control the spouse, to control

the other person.

We want a certain result out of them.

But at the end of the day, you

know, like we said before, even if you

get what you want, if it's not given

freely and out of love, it won't be

sweet, you won't even enjoy it.