Tom Facchine – What Red Pill Gets Wrong About Masculinity
AI: Summary ©
The importance of understanding the "red pill movement" and "hasn't spoken for itself" in determining one's opinion is crucial for men and women. It is crucial for individuals to avoid fear and not give up their values and beliefs. prioritizing physical and mental strength, avoiding Yo Accounts, and not just focusing on physical strength is crucial for men to achieve pleasing Islam goals. It is crucial for men to be active and energetic, enforce privacy laws, and be mindful of the weight of social media. prioritizing women's health and well-being, activism, and protecting privacy laws are also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. Welcome back to dogma disrupted today we're here to talk about Islamic masculinity, a very hot topic, Red Pill ideology, everything else that touches it, feminism, you name it. We're gonna go into it today. And to help us with this very important topic. We've brought a man that needs no introduction, Hamza sorties from Sapiens Institute, among other Institute's and initiatives, welcome so much to the program. So I want to come to lugs luckily for the opportunity, bladder, coffee comm. So let's get right into it. We're talking about Islamic masculinity.
What is it? And how can we differentiate it from some of the other ideologies or things that people are consuming or interacting with online today? Yeah, that's, that's actually a very good question. So
when we talk about Islamic masculinity in a nutshell, we're really talking about character, okay, so many of the scholars and the Salah from the pious predecessors and our pious masters, they would really describe masculinity or joola as character, your character your religion. For example, one of the scholars said Whoever has bad character has Dishonored his religion, his reputation and his manhood. And the famous scholar Imam Shafi, he also said something very similar, he said, manhood is based upon four pillars. And one of them he mentioned was actually good character. And I'm not even al Khattab Rajala who and said something very similar. He said, the foundation of a man is his
intellect, his honor is his in his religion, and his manhood is in his character. So this is very important for us to understand that when we look at any concept in Islam or any concept in general, even in abstract all we have to understand it through the Islamic worldview. Because the whole point of Islam the whole point of the Quran is to provide guidance for life. And when we talk about concepts such as what is a man what is a woman how to live? What is good, what is right, we go back to the Quran, and the Sunnah of the Prophet salallahu ad he was salam. So if it's character, then we should raise another question. And that question is, whose character?
Do you see the point? So when we think about masculinity now, and we thinking about well, according to the scholars, to be a man to have manhood, to have a sense of Islamic masculinity is based on your character then okay, well, who do we go to, to actually understand, to be how to be a man and what kind of character we must have. And as we know, we go to the Quran, Allah subhana wa Bucha. And it says in chapter 16, verse four, about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam, and you are truly a man of outstanding character. And the other famous verse in the Quran in surah Al Imran verse 21, when ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada says, Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah, you have an excellent example,
for whoever has hope in Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah often. So, in general, when we're talking about Islamic masculinity, we're talking about emulating the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salam, full stop. And I'll tell you why this is important because when you look into other ideologies, or other isms, whether it's a form of liberal feminism, or it's a form of the red pill movement, we have to understand that even if, for example, the red pill movement may give us some kind of interesting anthropological insights, empirical insights, that we may accept from an empirical perspective, but we want to accept the understanding. And this is very important to note
because when we look at other ideologies and isms, they have to be understood through our own lenses through our own particular worldview. Because the data doesn't speak for itself, you have to have a lens, a metaphysic, if you like a set of first principles, and Arcada, in order to understand that particular data, whether it's anthropological, whether it's empirical, and so on, and so forth. So what we would say is we don't go to those isms and worldviews to understand reality. They may point to some empirical data that we may accept or reject. But we understand that data specifically and in general, through the Islamic worldview, pursue the Islamic paradigm, why? Because the unicity of
Allah, the Tao, head of ALLAH SubhanA, wa taala, the Oneness of Allah, the Islamic, okay, that is the lens that we put on our eyes in order to understand ourselves, understand reality, understand the world, and ultimately understand Allah subhanho wa Taala and, and our relationship with Him. And these lenses are not skewed, they're not clouded, they're not Misty, they're clean. They actually the correct lenses to understand reality as it is. And that's why it's so important that when we start talking about isms, and ideologies that we have to understand even from a metaphysical and epistemological perspective, they have their own particular
assumptions and many of the assumptions cannot be found in the Quran and Sunnah they cannot be grounded in the cornerstone. And this is a very important general principle that we have to understand that this doesn't mean we can't maybe share some overlaps, there may be a summary there. But we have to be cognizant of the importance of having the correct Arpita lens, if you like, or the worldview, which is Islam. Now, that's so crucial. And I think the language of lens is really, you know, illuminating, because one has to fit into the other at the end of the day, right? Whatever sort of ideology speaks to you, you know, you're doing, you're packing one into the other. Either
you're packing the points of feminism, or red pill movement into an Islamic worldview, or you're doing the opposite, right, you're packing Islamic sort of information into a feminist worldview, or into a red pill worldview. And so one of the, you know, some of the language that I've tried to get down, or communicate to people about the difference is using Islam as a source or using it as a lens. And that's exactly what what you're saying. Anybody can use Islam as a source. You know, you go to Tunisia and Egypt and any other place in the Muslim world, they say what our constitution is derived from Islamic sources, right? But if you tell me that this is a source, first of all, what
other sources do you have? Second of all, how are you interacting and interpreting this source? What are you mixing it with? Right? Or your you know, like, what sort of contaminants have you introduced to the pool? So what we find on both sides is we find a conscription right, they come up with cert with a certain worldview, that's not an Islamic worldview, and they conscript Islamic sources or information to back up that worldview, whether it's feminists and we're going to have separate episodes on feminism and how that does that, or especially, you know, we've seen the weaponization of the story of Khadija Radovan and other people, that would be an example, or when it comes to red
pill, you know, conscripting the idea of cola, for example. But then filling it with a content that is not talking about what you're talking about, which is the the anchor of what is this character? What is this thing that we're supposed to emulate? And can we be sure that it came from a divine source? So that's, that's extremely profound. Yeah, especially the serious matters, because, you know, this is about what it means to be a human being, what it means to be a man what it means to be a servant of Allah subhanho wa taala. When people say, Oh, take the good and leave the bad. There's an interesting concept that we need to unpack here. Well, in general, that can make sense in certain
contexts with specific criteria. But when it comes to things like ideologies, take the red pill ideology, or the red pill movement as an example. Well, if you're going to take the good and leave the bad, then you already know what good is. And if a good is external to this ideology, then you don't eat ideology anymore. If that makes sense. Yeah. So this is a very important thing for us to understand. And if you already have the filter to allow to understand what is good and bad, then stick to that filter. And that filter is a sign that lens is a slump. Because when we go to the red pill movement, for example, they have quite a few concepts. I mean, it's not a monolith. It's like a
broad school now, right with its own mother hub, I guess. And they come up with some stuff that is really dangerous, like the reluctance to get married, right, because of Western justice statistics, which has its own kind of, you know, secular, liberal, individualistic assumptions, which really, we don't adopt as a community and as an as a tradition. So they say, from a particular kind of, maybe meta materialistic, secular, ethical perspective, also, you know, they don't see Allah as having any role in the guidance of, you know, when we're talking about sexual ethics and marriage and even the treatment of women. And it's very kind of man centric. It's not seal centric, right. So in a way,
they're reacting to the feminist movement, which is, generally speaking, what you would argue to be like the dominant ideological frame, one of the dominant ideological frames much more dominated by the red pill. Yeah. And what they would say is that they're reacting to that and they're saying, Oh, well, let's make it male centric. Right? What would and that's reacting to the feminist discourse, which really makes it the antithesis of that it's like female centric because they believe, generally speaking, and we're not talking about feminism today, of course, but from the first wave to the fourth wave, generally speaking, they have this idea of patriarchy. And patriarchy refers to
power relations in which women's interests are subordinated to the interests of man and these hierarchies with male with male figures, in the powerful structures of these hierarchies are somewhat inherently oppressive, right, but which is completely nonsense. I mean, they can be right of course, you know, power can only be oppressive
I think that's the definition of power play within feminism, that power that cannot be wielded justly. Because if power could be wielded justly, then it would be fine. You just need the right men in charge. But that's not what is prescribing. It's pretty, I mean, the removal of men and the substitution of men with women, or at least going hand in general. I mean, look, I don't want to you know, right, yeah, man, because there are different types of feminism. You have like socialist feminist, you have that conservative feminism, you have liberal feminism, and obviously knows what the space time pack that but generally speaking, you know, what we're saying here is that the
logical underpinnings, that weaves itself through all the kind of waves of feminism, so red pill is like a reaction to that. We're saying, Don't be that we transcend this was like forget being female centric or male centric, let's be theocentric, meaning let's talk about Allah Subhana Allah to Allah because Allah knows us better than we know ourselves. So we should refer to Allah subhanho wa taala. So in terms of kind of the red port narrative, they have certain tenants, if you like, or perspectives, that, frankly, our cover is disbelieved. And some of these things are also just completely unethical from Islamic paradigm, especially they really understand marriage and they we
understand the kind of sexual dynamic dynamics and it's very important for us to understand that we we need to refer to the Quran and the Sunnah when it comes to these particular issues, which hopefully we'll unpack right now. Because, you know, I don't think we should really focus too much on the road to Red Pill movement, because it's not a we're not, that's not the main topic today. But I think once we start talking about okay, well, masculinity, true, Islamic masculinity, is character. And when we talk about character, we talk about the best meant to have walked this planet, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam, and then that means we have to dwell, look into his
life, look into his characteristics, look into his, his traits, and start to emulate them as Muslim men. And once we do that, then, you know, it would speak for itself, we will transcend the red pill movement, and the feminist movement, all of these isms and schisms, and will be become beacons of light for the world to make you understand what true masculinity is. I think I think that's the main important point. Now, very, very well said, I always think of Islam having the ability to transcend those ironically binaries, right, people talk about binary and the only thing about the gender binary, which is not what we're opposed to here. But the historical binaries, that dialectical sort
of moves where, okay, feminism is reacting to this. And then now, there's another thing reacting to that. And the pendulum swings back and forth. And at the end of the day, if it's not rooted in divine guidance, it's going to get a whole lot wrong,
if not all of it wrong, or the vast majority. And so we're almost offering a way out, right, of the of the supposed binary or the opposition, this is actually Islam stands to redeem, male and female, give each with purpose and take care of the interests of each. And so that's what we're waiting for. It's a, it's a complementarian model. It's putting things in the right place. It's allocating roles and responsibilities is establishing the necessary social, more hierarchies, that facilitate individual and familial and social and political flourishing in an optimal way. And we see this in the life of the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. And for me, I think it's very important to not
share that. I'm actually quite surprised that some people online or maybe offline, Muslims have adopted some of the narratives or the jargon, or the framing of not only the red pill movement, but but also feminism. And I'm thinking to myself, this shows a huge lack of
rather, it's an ignorance of the Islamic worldview. Because, you know, if we had a true understanding, generally speaking, I think things are going things are getting much better. Of course, the education with regards to Islam is improving, especially with the likes of Yaqeen and others. We see this education improving and people are starting to formulate those lenses to understand reality and ask the right questions. What does Allah want from me in this particular context? What is more pleasing to Allah? What is the right way of being and people refer to the Quran and Sunnah. But I was, I've been a bit disheartened to see that not not many people have taken
up the kind of
what kind of they haven't used their platforms in a way to actually showcase Islamic masculinity as it is I've just reacted to one of the isms and said, Look, we're gonna adopt this ideology that doesn't belong to Islam. And I feel especially you know, the men amongst us. You know, we've adopted maybe too much of a red pill framing and a red pill narrative. And I think this is, I felt quite upset actually, because I'm like, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was not like this. If you guys adopt these views and ideas and cons
So if the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam was alive, you would call him names now, right? And it's very important for us to actually
take the space or use the space that we have and the platforms that we have to actually promote an Islamic masculinity, which is really talking about the character as salam. And there's a few things obviously, it will be great to talk about things like truthfulness, and courage and hikma and spiritual physical strength and being a caretaker, maintainer, sustainer of a women folk generosity, humility and modesty, pardoning and forbearance service towards others, there's so much to talk about, about the life of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, and what and how that informs how us as men, how we should relate to ourselves, how we should relate to Allah subhanaw taala how we should
relate to the whole community, and how we should relate to our women folk. And when we dwelve into the lives of a son, I'm telling you is you're going to be like, you just got to increase your love for Habibollah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Well, you've got me, you've got me all yours. Let's go for it. Let's let's, let's take a deep dive, what is Islamic masculinity look like? How can we put ourselves on a program where we are becoming more masculine, more manly, but in the Islamic sense? Yes. So the first thing I think we should always start with is truthfulness and class and sincerity. This is a kind of basis for manhood, if you think about it from an Islamic perspective. And by the
way, when we talk about some of these things, there's only specific to being a male, because truthfulness and IQ loss is also something that our sisters should have for sure. But obviously, we're talking it from a masculine perspective, but a lot of these things are general as well might have certain applications and for men that wouldn't have for women. Absolutely, absolutely. So take for example, I'll even be tolerated a lot, a lot more. And what did he say? He said something very powerful. He said, the truthfulness of a man is based upon the measure of his manhood. There is a direct correlation between your truthfulness and whether you're actually a man. And this is
extremely important because we have the famous Hadith in Bukhari from the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, when he said, truthfulness leads to righteousness and Righteousness, righteousness leads to paradise. And a man keeps on telling the truth into who becomes a truthful person. And then he says, falsehood leads to like wickedness and evil doing, and wickedness and evil doing leads to the hellfire. And a man may keep on telling lies until he's written before Allah, Elia. So this is like a warning, and glad tidings as well, that if you are truthful, you continue, you have this habit of being truthful, you're going to be in Jannah insha, Allah, right, you're going to be righteous, and
that's going to lead to lead to Jannah, which is the greatest triumph as Allah says, In the Quran, the greatest success, the greatest triumph, and that is that we enter Jannah, and we prevent ourselves from the not from the fire. Also, the opposite is true as well, that if you keep on lying, then you're going to be recorded as a liar. And that's going to lead to wickedness and wickedness is going to lead to the hellfire. So this is a very important one for us to take seriously. And so it's important to understand that to be an Islamic man, to have met Islamic masculinity, you need to be truthful. And you need to have a class and the greatest form form of truthfulness, if you think
about it, is a class itself. And when we think about a class, sometimes we say, it's like a spiritual slogan now, right? I'm doing it for the sake of Allah. But I think we need to basically unpack it a little bit more. What does it mean to do something for the sake of Allah? I ask this questions to brothers and sisters sometimes and they kind of think about and scratch their heads. Well, the alumni talk about three main areas to talk about, number one, to do something for the sake of Allah, you're doing it because Allah is worthy of the Act by virtue of who he is, because of his, you know, great and perfect and maximal names and attributes without any deficiency on the floor. So
you're doing that, because Allah is worthy of worship. He is Allah, Allah Isla, the deity, the only one worthy of worship, and worship in Islam. If you want to really translate or summarize it in a very nice English way in English language, I would call it humble adoration. Because there's a lemma when they talk about the when they talk about worship, to worship Allah Subhana Allah to Allah, they also talk about humility, submissiveness, you know, submitting submitting themselves to Allah subhanho wa taala. But also they talk about love and muhabba. And, you know, this sense of adoring Allah Subhana Allah to Allah. So we do an action because Allah is worthy of it and we love him. And
second aspect of Islam is that we're doing that particular act of worship. And by the way, these actions have to be in line with the Sunnah of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe, salam, we're doing these this action because we want His divine reward. This is important. And another aspect of a class is that we're doing it because we want to prevent ourselves from the inevitable consequences.
I have disobedience of moving away from Allah's guidance and mercy which can be the divine punishment could be the not the LMS that you should do for all three reasons. And generally speaking people do these things do acts of worship for all of these three, these three reasons, but each person is going to have a kind of emphasis on one aspect over the other like some people are more reward orientated. Some people are more, you know, fearful orientated. Some people are more love orientated or maybe a combination of all three. But it's important to understand that, you know, the greatest form of truthfulness is having a floss. And in being sincere, specifically when it comes to
acts of worship specifically when it comes to, you know, worshipping Allah subhanho wa Taala Anis is very, very important. And this is echoed in the Quran itself. When Allah talks about, you know, the believing men, in chapter 33, verse 23, when ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala says, among the believers or men who have proven true to what they have pledged to Allah. And obviously this in the context was, you know, those who gave their life for the sake of Allah Subhana Allah to Allah striving in His cause, but also there is a kind of protracted meaning as well, which is that there was sincere, this showed the greatest form of truthfulness because they were sincere and true to the commitment and to the
pledge that they had to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah so it's very important for us to focus on truthfulness, because you can't really be a man, a an Islamic man, if you're not truthful, and unfortunately, sometimes there's a lot of lies. And even it's an MIS framing as well because someone will be like, Why didn't really lie? Right? Mister presented right misrepresentation is a form of a lie as well. So it's very important for us to be able to frame things in the correct way. Now word should represent reality as best as possible. When if we're unsure, then we should stay silent. Yes, masha Allah, let's explore that just for a second, like what are the the temptations or the
motivations that would occur to a man that would break that ability to be trustworthy, right? Because at the end of the day, there's a moral choice that needs to be made. So what does the man imagine that he's getting? By not telling the truth? You know, what I mean, in a certain situation, because sometimes you need to know your enemy and what you're up against, because obviously, the way that the shaytaan works is he beautifies he beautifies sort of, you know, it's not that big of a deal. Or just to brainstorm and bounce ideas off. It occurred to me while you were speaking that one of the reasons that people are maybe remiss or men or remissed, to tell the truth sometimes, is
because they're trying to please other people, right. So that would be something where they're care about the people's perception of themselves, actually comes and that's an indication maybe of their own cowardice, right, where greed, they're not able to tell it to speak the truth due to them, fearing the people more than they fear loss potata. I could also imagine a situation in which a particular man, they might misrepresent, as you were saying they might misrepresent somebody, because they have some sort of, they view it as expedient. It makes their job easier if they're trying to take somebody down, or they're trying to make somebody else look bad, right? It's very,
it's very easy to want to or tempting. They want the straw man them, misrepresent them, put words in their mouths, ascribe motivations that they don't have or peer into their hearts. And then it's really an easy job just to kind of knock them down and even perhaps put yourself up in their place. So I'm wondering if there's any other things that come to your mind as to what Yeah, it's interesting. You said that because there's a Hadith from the personal salaam, it's in Timothy and it's authentic hadith where the prophet himself the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, The believer does not turn others, he does not curse others, he does not use profanity, and he does not
abuse others, also was very interesting. There is, I think, one of the Salah for one of the pious scholars of Islam, he said that I have not insulted a man ever since I became a man. And that's very interesting. As you know, they they kind of understood that, you know, in because insults are form of lies as well to a certain degree. So, you know, if you lie, if you insult if you curse, the you know, they would understand that this is not befitting of Islamic masculinity, right? And unfortunately, I think sometimes we have, I think we're pushing the boundaries a little bit, even transcending those boundaries, those more boundaries, because of maybe from so many different
reasons, which I would like to unpack in a few minutes. But no, there is another statement from one of the famous scholars who said, Whoever belittles his brothers would lose his manhood, which is quite interesting. Because a lot of that is the opposite.
People these days, I assume the opposite in order to be a man you have to you know, to be honest, when I see people do that, I actually see it as a sign of great weakness. I personally see that I see what the psyche says something about you says more about you than it says about anybody else. I think what's important to add is this. So when people are going to deviate from the Quran and the Sunnah, they're going to not adhere to the Divine
man's not going to be truthful when and when a man is not going to be truthful. What is really happening from a psychological perspective? So you're right cowardice, but there's some underlying elements as well. So they could lie because of hassad, like blameworthy jealousy, which is one of the key spiritual diseases of the heart. They could lie because of kibble. Right, which is arrogance, one of the key spiritual diseases of the heart that they think they're better than others, right? And they're rejecting the truth because Kibera is it is actually by definition, according to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa Salam is that you reject the truth and you think
you're better than others and and that's what a lie is, you're rejecting the truth right? In essence, oh, you're misrepresenting the truth or your you basically explaining something which is not in line with reality. So it could be because of a spiritual diseases in the heart. And this is we're going to unpack that hopefully a bit later, when it comes to like my skin into you to be a true man you need to do with your character you need to do with the key spiritual diseases of the heart, which include blame where the agility has said Kibet arrogance. Someone could also lie because I don't know maybe they have a job. They have a sense of self amazement, because our job
what is our job, our job is basically arrogance without anybody else, patting yourself on the back, you now not become the means you think you're the creator of the means. And especially when it comes to acts of a bad look at me, I gave a great talk. I'm an amazing guy. And he was all me intrinsically was all because of me know, when, when, when a true Muslim man does good does acts of worship is public acts of worship when he's speaking or he is discussing or his writing, or he's even in private acts of worship, it should increase in his gratitude to Allah and increases humility, because fundamentally he understands that everything is dependent on Allah subhana, Allah
to Allah, Allah is a summit he is the absolutely independent, everything happens because of him. And wherever you did all of these acts of worship, I just favors to you from it wasn't you as Allah says, it wasn't Allah, it wasn't that you that through it was ALLAH that through Allah, this, this sense of our job is basically completing the means. And the creator of the means you think you are now the creator of the means? No, you're just the means. As like, the attitude of PowToon. Right? Yes, that are coming out of me as it says, this is from I deserve this is what I get because of my talent. My skill. I worked hard for this Subhanallah Absolutely. So our job is is a grateful it's a
great lie as well, because you're conflating the means with the creative, the means right? From that perspective, and that could be a kind of spiritual driving force for you to continue to lie. Another key spiritual disease is ostentation Ria, which you're doing acts of worship for other than Allah. Right, which is again, in a way, a form of the greatest misrepresentation, the greatest lie, you're lying to yourself, essentially, right? You're trying to get the praise of other people. And the reason I mentioned this briefly, is to understand that these things like lying, and misrepresenting and not being, you know, a true Muslim man, from that perspective, fundamentally boils down to your
state of heart. And you need to think and do and just ponder within yourself and realize, you know, what's going on in my heart? Do I have Kipper? Do I have hacer? Do I have a job? Do I have real ostentation? What tools from the Quran and Sunnah must I use in order to actually, you know, try and, you know, remove these diseases of my heart because of someone's heart, my heart too, of course, because we all have this disease. So it's very important for us to focus on that. The other thing is, is focused on enough very quickly, people will lie and even just, you know, do things that are transgressions of, you know, Allah's commands, because they have an ego by following the
following the way of shaitan because if you think about shaitan, shaytaan, was he he was like this being that actually denied Allah. He was like, He's basically saying to Allah, Allah, you're wrong. I'm right. I should not bow down to Adam. Right? Why are you telling me to do something you're wrong? I'm, you know, I made a fire he's made of clay. So he's basically saying, Allah is wrong. He's right. He's also saying, I'm not going to be imposed upon so I'm not bowing they should bow down to me. I'm better. Right? And I don't mean, I'm better, right. Also, you had the thing of, I want to look good. I'm not going to bow down. I'm much better than him. He's much worse than me.
He's made of clay, I made a fire. So you see, what what are the aspects of the muffs here the aspects of the naughty is, I always want to be right. I never want to be wrong. I always want to look good. I never want to look bad.
I always want to impose, I don't want to be imposed upon to the degree that I give up the truth or give up the right way of being SubhanAllah. And this is the nuts and shaytaan from this perspective is one of our greatest teachers, because he teaches us how not to be right. You know, Allah is placing the satanic character for a particular reason and we need to do this together. Do I have the Titanic elements, these knifes the elements this egocentric, egotistical LMS within me, because of someone to lie, it could be driven by either the
Spiritual disease of the heart or the knifes because I wasn't going to be right I never want to be wrong to the degree that you misrepresent reality and other people. I always want to impose I never want to be imposed upon to the degree that you lie, and you misrepresent reality, I always want to look good. I never want to look bad to the degree that I miss represent an ally. So it's very important and it's good. You raised this question, Chuck, because it goes to the underlying spiritual kind of driving forces. I'm not saying this in a way that we all suffer from this course. Um, you know, hustle and bustle you said, you know, humility is when you walk out your home, you
think every Muslim is better than you Yeah. Because you know, your sins, you don't know other people's sins, you know, your context, you don't know that it was context. And Islam teaches you, you have to have hosts an event, you have to have a good opinion of other people. And therefore by virtue of all of those things, then you can only judge yourself really right in reality. So this is advice that we need to really think seriously about our states of heart. And this is so important because we we kind of ignore this in the discourse. Yeah. Because remember, does Allah say in the Quran, you're not going to be safe on the day of judgment as you come to Allah with the Palvin Salim
with a sound heart. And this is so significant, and especially when it comes to scuttle knifes. You know, purifying the soul, purifying the heart, purifying the knifes Allah does not swear for any other topic 11 times other than to scuttle knifes purifying the soul. There is no other place in the Quran, where Allah makes 11 of us on one topic, and Allah's making 11 also the one who purifies his soul. So it's very, very important that you raised zakat for her for that time. You're welcome. Thank you for unpacking so beautifully. Yeah. So you mentioned one of it. So this leads to the next thing that I want to talk about actually, which is very important, because you mentioned that people
may lie because the the cowards or they fear or they want to please other people that are afraid. What was it that you mentioned, you mentioned somebody who was with courage, I think, yeah, no, that was that was precisely it. Yeah, there were more afraid of what other people are going to say, than you're afraid of what Allah thinks of you. Exactly. Which is, which is a form of, of being a coward. It's cowardice, right. So this leads to a very important other characteristic of being a Muslim man, which is one which is a very significant one, actually. Because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and this is reported in Bukhari, where he would make a DUA, he would make a supplication
saying, Oh Allah, I seek refuge from you from being cowardly, or miserly. So it's very important to understand that, you know, when you look at the Sunnah, if you want to see the kind of essential elements of what it means to be a man is that he's not a coward. He's not miserly. Which is very interesting, because when we talk about being, you know, caretakers of our women folk have our wives protectors and maintainers, the essential elements of being able to do that is that you're not a coward, you're not miserly, because you have to provide financial provision. If you don't do that, and you do have the means then you're, you're miserly. And you need to take care of your women, if
you don't, especially from a physical perspective. You don't protect them from you know, the ills of society and other kinds of things that you know, exist in the modern world, then that could be a form of cowardice, right? Yeah. Now, when we talk about courage is very important in the sciences. It's not the absence of fear. Yeah, this is very important to understand. Everyone fears. Trust me, you know, I used to do like kind of semi professional boxing and I'm telling you know, that I suggest people do that, of course, but it you know, walking to the boxing ring is the closest thing that you get to suicide. It's absolutely horrific. Yeah. And you're petrified, of course, just get
even the best boxers were scared. Yeah. And we people react in different ways. Like my coach, he was like six foot five or something. Four, three, whatever, huge guy, MMA champion, he would Roach, he would go. He would do this all the time. That's that was his fear. And me. I would always urinate. Sorry for being crude, like every three seconds every five seconds. And the journey is really weird. Like, why did this What did what is food come from? It was believable. It's just the biological mechanism, mechanism. Everyone has different ways of dealing with it from a physical perspective and mental perspective. But the point is the way to overcome. So courage is not the absence of fear.
It's basically overcoming your fear. And there's a few things that is very interesting that I think we should talk about when it comes to courage. First and foremost is a defining characteristic of what it means to be a man. But before we get into that, I want to I mentioned in the beginning, I don't want people to conflate temperament with masculinity. This is so important, because sometimes we think you know, to be a man, you have to be like eight foot, you have to be as wide as a truck. You have to have all these muscles, you have to have a six pack you have to be loud, you have to be an alpha male. This is complete, utter nonsense posture. This is nonsense. This is you know, this is
modernity gone mad. This is secularism, this materialism, this is a kind of a cocktail of all of these things. Because when you think about Ahmed ibn Al Khattab or Raja Lavon many people think that he was a better man than Abba.
Alright, hello. They had different temperaments. Of course Abubaker was strong and tall and loud, and he had his own temperament. And because we come from particular societies, we think, Oh, yes, you know, he was like the top guy who was the real man. But in actual fact, each man consensus who was better, it was Abubaker, already a loved one. You see, so you have to understand that temperament doesn't always equate to masculinity, and how I show this, we have so many traditions about about weeping and righteous weeping from the Koran from thinking about your sins from anticipating the Day of Judgment. That's another example of something that and even showing your
pain. Yeah, sharing your pain with your wife. Because all these red pillars say, you know, don't, don't don't express your pain to your wife, right? She's going to resent you, or she's going to think you're a man, which I think with all due respect, it's complete nonsense. Absolutely not. Obviously, there may be some element of truth in some contexts. You know, if you're always, you know, expressing pain all the time without being positive, which is a good prophetic characteristic, I get that by expressing pain, spiritual pain, like you know, you're crying because you fear the ACA, or you fear your knifes, or, you know, you're expressing certain emotions that are linked to
the tradition like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, you know, when he talked about deejo, Raja Allahu anha, in a way that expressed his pain and hid the fact that he was missing her, the way that he described her love that he caught he described her love as her love nourished me, which is one of the most beautiful ways of describing love, by the way. And, and so from that perspective, the person would cry when he had Quran and all of these things, and he would speak to his wives and consult, for example, on Salama, right, when the true to who they be or happened. And you had, you know, the Sahaba were a bit reluctant to shave their heads, and the Prophet sallallahu ala goes on
with his wife and complained. He saw a consultation, what did she say to him, she said, shave your head and they would follow, essentially, and then he shaved his head, and the Sahaba followed. And that was consulting and almost from that perspective, complaining to his wife. So it's very important for us to understand that, you know, temperaments don't always equate to being a male. And I've traveled the world. I've been to South Africa, I've been to the east, lots of places. And I see different people, different shapes, different sizes, and I'm telling you, some of the most courageous Muslim men I've met. They're like, maybe five or six, not very strong, in terms of
looking strong, but I'm telling you, if the provoked proverbial hit the fan, there'll be there. And, and that's why, you know, it's got me to realize as well that we shouldn't have this conflation between temperament and masculinity. And we see this amongst the Sahaba some Sahaba were quite thin, some Sahaba were very quiet, some Sahaba were jokers, right? Some Sahaba were stern and strong. Some Sahaba had different temperaments. So we have to see, understand that that doesn't equate to being a man. And this is very important, because for me, especially in the field that we're in, some of the most weakest men I've met are the loudest.
Because if you always react, reacting, if everything is a red line, you're compensating with respect. Yeah, it's, it's, I call it, it's a veil that is hiding some kind of trauma. And you're expressing it to the world in an inappropriate way, because you have this defense mechanism mechanism. And that, frankly, speaking is a form of a weakness. They say that they say that the stock of wheat that is empty stands upright, right? And the one that's actually full of Colonel actually bends bends down low. Yeah, for sure. So we become the people who come across a slightly tyrannical where everything becomes a red line, that is usually at the veil of some kind of hidden,
psycho spiritual emotive weakness. I'm not a counselor, a psychologist, but you could speak to the team in your pain in the appropriate Echo to scent. And the point is that I just wanted to make it clear that temperament doesn't always it doesn't equate to being a male or having masculinity. So when it comes to courage, look, we go to the Prophet salallahu idea he was selling socks. And we see for example, you know, Ali radula, Han said that about the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam, and this was related in mustard island. He said, If the fighting and this was in, you know, jihad, if the fighting became fierce when two nations met, we used to seek protection from the messenger of
allah sallallahu ala who was salam, and none of us we're nearer to the enemy than he was right. And we have various different narrations. For example, the famous narration of Ben Malik or the loved one when he talked about that time, people were frightened in Medina and some Sahaba came out, but they already saw the Prophet sallallahu it was on him there. And he was basically saying, you know, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid he was the first to try and protect his people. He was the most courageous. We even know the famous story story in the Battle of her name. When all the hours were were
We're flying and you know, that needed to be an inevitable retreat. I think it was Abu Sufyan, Raja Lama, and that was pulling back the Prophet salallahu ad who was sending, but he was kind of moving forward saying, essentially, he was saying, I am the messenger of Allah, I am a liar. So we see such amazing acts of bravery, the most brave person was the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam. So I think what's important to add to this is, well, here's the Prophet, of course, is going to be brief, he was so strong, and you know, he was the prophet of Allah, and Allah is going to protect him, I get that. But we have to try and emulate him as best as possible from our limited weak perspective. So
there are some some pieces of advice that I want to give in terms of how to develop Yes, exactly how to get there. And I was gonna ask, how do we how do we do it? Because I've tried to do that in my own life, you know, you are someone you, for example, fighting in martial arts and do one of these things you just have to, you just have to get on with it. Right. And it's not easy I have to me is difficult. But, you know, there are certain principles that I think if you put into play the same concepts that you start to internalize that, I think you'll get that inshallah. So the first thing to understand is, don't think about doing think about being, yeah, we're not human doings, we're
human beings. So think about who you have to become, in order in order to overcome, right? Think about this. Because when you're in a state of being, it would lead to doing if you just focus on the action, the action itself will not lead to a state of being. And this is where, for example, if you want to be loving, you need to have a way of being that is loving, if you just focus on one particular action that can be described as loving, that won't necessarily give rise to that way of being. So think about not the action itself in a particular context. Think about who you need to become. So the first thing you need to do. Where is courage? Is it in your lover, liver is in your
pancreas? Where is it fundamentally in the heart? So from an Islamic perspective, Islamic psychological perspective, then you need to focus on strengthening the spiritual heart, you're more likely to be brave, you're more likely to be courageous. And how do you do that? You strengthen it by coming closer to Allah. First and foremost, you need to know who Allah subhanaw taala is a firm his maximum perfect names and attributes have no deficiency and flaw in a firm his transcendence. Understand who Allah is and have a relation with him. You need to be definitely praying five times a day, try and do as much sun as as possible. Do you have got your deacon in the morning in the
evening, as per the son of the person do you do as your supplications in the morning in the evening, as per the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam, do you 100 prayer, make dua to Allah to make you more courageous to make you strong, to make your heart strong, to make your way of being such that it's pleasing to Allah, that Allah will give you a life that is full of courage and full of, you know, true Islamic masculinity and emulating the Prophet salallahu it who has sent him essentially, focus on the heart. Second thing, think about what's the worst that can happen in the grand cosmic scheme of things know that we wish for these things to happen. But in the grand scheme of things, the worst
that can happen is you die. Congratulations, right?
That at the end of the day, we have Hassan Billa. We have a good opinion of Allah subhanho wa taala. We don't have false hopes, because we know we're fearful of our own disobedience and the implications of that. But we have Hassan Villa we have a good opinion of Allah subhanho wa taala. Allah is maximally perfect. He has his maximally forgiving maximally loving he's Allah would come from the Arabic word would which means a loving that is giving. He has more affection for us and our own mothers. Right. So from that perspective, who are you going to meet when you die? Yeah, almost the most loving Lord, the most forgiving Lord, class, right? So when you realize, okay, what's the
worst case scenario? I'm dead, right? The day you meet Robin, Lord, you're going to meet your loving Lord. And this is anarchy, the issue there's an issue of really believing in that. And we know that hadith could see famous Hadith could see I am as my stomach thinks that I am right. Now in the Arabic it also means I am, as my seven expects me to be. And you will find Allah in the greatest of your expectations. So it's very important that what's the worst that can happen? And for the believer is fair. The second thing is, understand what can happen if you're not courageous. Because usually not doing the right thing in that particular context is more painful than doing the right
thing from the medium and long term. And just map out the trajectory of the chess game if you like. And you would realize that not doing something in certain particular contexts is far more painful than doing something it's going to catch up with you in the end at some point. Absolutely. And look, take for example, Rachel Corrie, the famous activists are bulldozed by the Israelis, right? She was defending the Palestinians. You know, there's a discussion that you know, she was so altruistic. I get that from a service point of view. But then a day she was she was
To compassionately, selfish,
just like we're all compassionately, selfish, right? From the point of view that for her, it was more painful her doing nothing than doing something.
Do you see the point? Yeah. So she was like, smart from that perspective. Right. Good for her. Yeah. Because, you know, you know, doing these, you know, great acts of service to the Palestinians was, you know, especially from the surface is actually a really good thing. Yeah. And it for her, it was more painful to do nothing. So we need to be more in tune with ourselves and have what you call the correct form of self love. Now, Erich Fromm in his book, The Art of loving discusses this quite well. And he says self love is not narcissism is essentially good for yourself. It's a mature type of love. It says spiritual type of love, just like Allah Ghazali. In his en 36 volume, he talks
about self love. And he argues that self love leads to divine love that you should love a lot, which is the topic of today. But the point is, he described self love as wanting goodness for yourself. And if you truly want goodness for yourself, in the truest sense, then you realize in most cases, doing nothing is more painful than doing something in the in the in the medium to long term. So that's another thing to consider. Absolutely. The other thing to consider is, understand the bigger picture. What are you doing? Why are you what who are you? Right? What is your vision? Do you have an Allah centric art here or centric vision for yourself? Do you have an Allah centric Arcata
centric vision for the world? Where do you see the world in the future? Who must you be in order to achieve that? And what must you do in order to be the person that can help achieve the sea in terms of how you see the world in the future, you need to have a vision for yourself. You have a clear Allah centric Arcata centric vision that is pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala, that also is going to be the mechanism that's going to take you to Jannah in sha Allah, and you understand you need to be in order to achieve that, then everything is going to be much easier with regards to being courageous. Why? Because you're seeing the bigger picture. Sometimes when we don't do the right
thing we don't try to overcome our fears is because we're very, we're very myopic, we reduce things to that particular issue. We don't see the bigger picture. And if people have that bigger picture in terms of I have a vision for myself, and is Allah centric is Arcata centric, then these actions, actually, you see them in the correct way the framed in the correct way. And you see this with sports people, people have a vision to become like the greatest martial artist in the world, that sparring match, fine, he's going to be quite scared. We all have fears, but he's going to do it because this is linked to greater vision for him, right? But if he just saw the action as the ends,
it's not just a means, then he's gonna be far more fearful, because he's not seeing the bigger picture. Right? Right. So it's very important for us to have a bigger picture of Allah centric Arcata centric vision for our lives and for the world. And we need to understand who we need to become as human beings in order to achieve that, once that happens, a lot of the fears that you have, you may still have them, but you're you're able to transcend them to certain degrees, because you see the bigger picture, you can tolerate them, because you understand that, for example, a lot is really just giving you opportunities to get to the next level. Right? It's like, you know, if
you're at this level, well, why does hardship come? Why does something that requires courage come? Because Allah wants you at this level, but you're not just going to pass free, you have to get through the rest, to get to the other side, to become the person that Allah wants you to become, you know, in your in your growth sort of chart. So yeah, Michela and Lily, Aaron asked, we have to get to the other side. And so following on from that is, if you want to keep on developing your courage to be around courageous people we know in social psychology, even the ayat in the Quran, Hadith, salam, your environment, your friends are going to shape you. Yeah. And we're going to unpack this.
This is well known, right? Even from a social psychological perspective. And from a theological perspective, if you're with four pious people, you're likely to be the fifth, if you're with for knowledge or knowledge, or people who are knowledgeable people you'd like to like to be the fifth, if you're with four loving people, you're likely to be the fifth person who's loving. If you're with four courageous people, you're like to be the fifth because states of being give rise to states of being love gives rise to love, Courage gives rise to courage. And that's why it's very important for Muslims to be connected to our lemma to scholars or students of knowledge because will lie you will
learn from scholars and other people with that you can never learn from a book, you can know all of that hadith on humility. All of that is on humility, but it won't necessarily make you someone who's humble. But if you engage with someone who's internalized the deen and they their way of being as humble, it would rub off on you. And I've seen this when you interact with Allah ma. When you interact with scholars when you sit with them, and you take time and you take Deen seriously, their states of being give rise
to your states of being and it's similar with your environment and your friends. So it's very important be around courageous people also develop your sympathetic nervous system, which is from a biological perspective, quite important. So I would really recommend Muslim men to do martial arts with standard. You don't have to be the best fighter in the world just to wrestling. Yeah. So you see the famous classical scholar, he has a treaties, on grappling on wrestling, and connecting it to the son of the Prophet sallallahu, alayhi wasallam. In the Sahaba, it's part of our tradition, engage in something that actually develops your sympathetic nervous system, which is the aspect of
your nervous system that actually helps you deal with, you know, that kind of fight or fight or flight response? Yeah, it's the one that you're able to actually develop your nervous system in a way that your physiology in a way that you're less frightened when you have situations we have to be courageous. And by the way, I don't want people to think that we're talking about courage and that you have a shield and armor and a sword. That's not the only form of courage. We're talking about intellectual courage as well speaking the truth. Yeah, right. Which connects to the first point, because especially in our modern context, yes, you have to be courageous physically, but you have to
be courageous intellectually and spiritually. Oh, yes. That's, that's the greatest form like the late
doctor should be a doctor he passed away about about one or two months ago, man, I got him janitor for he wrote the great book to crown the secular mind. And he was a great defender of the profits of a loved one. It was something before the social media age. And you know, he wrote the book, be careful with Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa Salam is a phenomenal book. And he's written other other works. He was a great thinker. He and he actually did, he wrote some essays for European as well. And he, I remember, I had dinner with him, he made such a powerful point to me. He said, What's the point of being an intellectual? If you're going to be a coward? Allahu Akbar, yeah. Which ludie it
kind of hit home, whether you're right, you know, because, you know, someone who was adopted and internalized telehealth and they know it's the best for humanity, then then she'd be courageous with that, and you need to be able to, like, not be foolhardy. Because Allah goes on, he talks about, you know, courage and bravery and you know, being foolish and courageous. And you have to have the middle ground, right. Some people think Get being brave and courageous is doing everything. And you know, I'm not thinking about having wisdom. This is This is nonsense on stilts. Yeah. You know, it's it's a refined form of courage that's in line with, you know, the increased benefits for the Dean
the muscle Ah, yeah, the you don't want to increase the Masada the harm, you want to increase the benefit the muscle hub anyway, that's a different discussion, sure how to develop that criteria that's beyond my paygrade. Right. But the point is, we need to develop our sympathetic nervous system, martial arts, boxing, sparring, sprinting, whatever it is, I'm not saying you have to be like, you know, the guy who's like Khabib, you're an MMA, a great fighter, but do something that is, you know, developing your sympathetic nervous, we can't put nothing into that bucket. Right? If you think this bucket that bucket, put something into that bucket, even if, and you know what's
interesting, I'm not even a top of Raja and said, and this is very interesting, we just mentioned about the difference between, you know, physical courage and intellectual courage, and that includes spiritual and your character. He says, like, very powerful, do not let yourself be impressed by the rule of a man. Rather, if he fulfills the trust, and refrains himself from harming the honor of people, then he will truly be a man.
So you contextualize courage from that perspective. So that's courage. And that's how to develop courage. And you know, even if you end up failing,
bounced back up.
This is a test Allah loves, loves those who he tests if as long as you have that vision in place, and you want to keep on being on a trajectory of improvement, don't let the failure define you. And that's very important, because there's going to be instances that you meet this drop, that you may fall on the floor. But a class dictates that you should bounce back up. Don't allow Chopin to use your own voice against you thinking, I'm not man enough, or I can't do it, no, have the right people around, you follow these principles keep on moving forward each other keep them moving forward. So I mean, there's so much to talk about the other Yeah, was wisdom, like, which is which is a huge
neglected practice.
Amongst, amongst, especially online, it's true, we feel we have the false impression, just like you were just saying a second ago, sort of this false understanding of the content of courage, we imagine that the content of courage is really being like reckless and belligerent, which is not what we're talking about. It's a similar thing with you know, with with wisdom, we imagine that to be a man is just to speak your mind and to heck with everybody else, whatever they say and, and wisdom is really an afterthought. So how does wisdom play into Islamic masculinity? Well, well, it's interesting that Allah connects hikma to goodness, right? So in Surah, use
If in verse 22, Allah subhanaw taala says, We gave him wise judgment and knowledge. This is how we reward those who do good. So already you have a distinction between hikma and L.
And it's connected to actually your character, that you it's, it's, it's, it's who you was as a human being as a Muslim man, that this that wisdom is actually connected to a form of righteousness of goodness. And so the way I would describe him is as follows. We know it means sunnah in many places in the Quran, for sure. What does that mean? Right? In this context, it means doing the right thing saying the right thing at the right time in the right place, in the correct context.
And if you want to unpack it in a kind of print, from a principle point of view, I would say Hickman is having an Allah centric goal. So your goal is pleasing to Allah. Why would even say the gold is most pleasing to Allah? Because there's a competition of hulls, especially in our our field, our domain, our context, we just say our base Hello lucky, right? I don't like that attitude. That attitude shows a lot of signs of that you have no class. This is about Allah, not you, my friend, you should ask what is most pleasing to Allah? So we should have a goal that is most pleasing to Allah in a particular context, because life is about context, time place, social political context,
resources, so many things. So you have a lucky single, you have a particular context and you apply and Quran and Sunnah. principles from the Quran and Sunnah.
On to that context, in order to achieve that goal, I'm going to repeat this because this is probably the best way of describing wisdom. Yeah, by the way, it's not from me, you know, sort of sneaking up, it's from Chef Haitham al Haddad actually described us in a very profound way. So
you have an Allah pleasing goal, Allah centric goal, you have a context. And you apply that in, in that context to achieve that goal.
And this is what Hickman is, so what does this mean? This means you have to ask a few questions, my friend.
By the way, you're a chef, I'm not calling your friend in your friend and shouting you out. I'm just
saying audiences watching.
Go. So what that means you have to ask what is the goal? How do I know Allah centric? How do I know it's the most pleasing to Allah? subhanaw taala? Well, you need to ask yourself that question first. We don't even ask that question. Yeah, yeah.
Second, Yanni, you know, this is Dean, this is a different this is this your ambassador Islam, this is a different issue. Right. And Ambassador disarm is not like a not just someone who's doing data like, individually, there are levels to this game if you'd like. If you're an ambassador of Islam, by virtue of your following by virtue of your platform, you need to be asking these very serious Eclass driven questions. What is the Allah pleasing? How do I know it's the most pleasing thing to Allah? Number one, then you need to ask yourself the question, What on earth is my context, resources, social, the earth, right? Because we know even in Feck off is determinative and fic and
so on and so forth. We understand the social customs we understand the language the framing, so many different things. Yeah, I'm not saying do an overkill analysis paralysis, but this is can be discussed with Shura it can be discussed over you know, half an hour, you know, they come into play, they come into play, of course, of course, it's natural, it's organic, I'm not saying is analysis paralysis, and you end up not doing anything, but at least start discussing these things. So once you know the context, you know, that the goal is Allah pleasing, the most pleasing to Allah, then apply the element requirements. So now on the to that context, in order to achieve that particular
goal. And it's not just enough just to have in abstraction because even when you talk about our domain tower, Allah says in chapter 16, verse one to five, called to the way to the Sybil of Allah to the way of your Lord, how with hikma what is hikma?
It's m applied in a particular context to achieve a and Allah centric goal. Allah didn't say call to Allah within. Right? You don't say call to the way of Allah within in this context is called to Allah with wisdom. I don't require it's a prerequisite but it's not sufficient. It's not sufficient to just have not been that so it's applied in hikma is applied in a particular context to achieve a goal that is pleasing to Allah. And we know that knowledge is not enough. For example, Ubuntu amo reported that a man said to Alpha Dale, may Allah have mercy with him, the scholars are many and alpha Daily said, but those with wisdom are few. Right? And which is which is quite true because you
know, we've seen in today's aid sometimes that people have a lot of knowledge in abstract or, yeah, but sometimes, you know, they don't know how to frame it properly or
Particularly if properly applied in a particular context to achieve a particular goal, or it's displayed in front of the wrong audience and then ends up doing more harm than good. That happened as a duty. Absolutely. And you know, the famous student, you've been Tamia, we all know this famous statement is goes around, it's all over online as well. He said, the wisdom is to act as one should, in the manner that one should, in the time, not one should. So again, you're appreciating the context, and you're doing the right thing in that particular context. And you know, we know that wisdom is also a virtue, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and this is sahih Hadith, I think
is narrated, it's been made, so he by so UT, the prophets, Azam said, there is no wisdom unless Sorry, wrong, wrong Hadith in Bukhari and Muslim, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, there is no envy by in two cases, a man whom Allah has given wealth, and he spends it rightly, and a man whom Allah has given wisdom, and he judges and teaches with it. So it's a virtue, like, you know, for you to be jealous of something and want that thing, you know, it's a virtuous thing to have wisdom, and that you judge and teach with it appropriately. And what's very interesting, people may lack wisdom, because they may lack humility. And again, we're linking all of these things back
to the heart, because humility is not in your liver, it's not in your pancreas, it's in your hope. It's in your heart, and even uncuttable Rajala and said, Verily, if a servant humbles himself, for Allah Almighty, He will increase his wisdom. This is such a profound statement, and with all due respect, because for you to understand, if a particular goal is most pleasing to Allah, and for you to want a goal that is pleasing to Allah, and for you to be willing to understand a particular context, and for you to be willing to take and learn that element of play in the context to achieve that Allah pleasing goal, you have to be humble. If you think you know, or if you think I'm just
going to do whatever is halal, I'm gonna do what I want, as long as it's halal. That is a sign of arrogance. It's a sign of not being humble. And it's so profound that humility itself, according to Ahmed Al Khattab peratallada, and is connected to Hickmott itself. I think, you know, one of the things that this reminds me of is how we deal with each other's mistakes, right, both public and private. And, you know, the sort of the well worn tracks and responses that people have, you know, I think it demonstrates what you're saying very well. A lot of people say, well, the mistake was public. And so the response has to be public. Yeah, that's not smart. But yeah, I want to see that
person's Islamic utility calculus, meaning, the consequences, I want to see who you spoke to? Did you write it down? Did you think about it? Did you actually figure out what, what was going to increase the harms? And what was going to increase the benefits? I really, I think we should take some of ourselves and everyone else to character friendly conversation. Fine. In principle, if it's public knew, in principle, it couldn't be the case. Yeah. So in this particular context, yes. Have you assessed? What are the harms? Or what are the benefits? And are you increasing the benefits? And are you decreasing the harms? If you think you are, then can you explain it to me, I will guarantee
for the majority of the cases, people just follow the principle because it is already aligned with the Hawaii with the desires with what were some that was some of the hidden agenda. They weren't cheap. I'm not saying that's the case with everybody. Of course, I'm saying, people. Yeah, there always be a place for public pushback. However, what you know, I try to get people to think of it like this. If you put yourself in the shoes of the person who just that made that mistake, how would you want to be approached? And I guarantee you that for a lot of people, they would not like to be approached in the way that they're approaching other people.
For sure, but we also have to realize that the door swings both ways. It could be the case that when you approach someone privately and they're adamant, and you've done your best, and there's a pattern you have to be like, You know what, in for the sake of Allah, we have to make this clear for the public, but to do that, it has to be done in a particular way to achieve the Allah centric goals. The important thing to talk about Yeah, 100% and we know this hikma, we see hikma throughout the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam famous Hadith, we always talk about this hadith. I think this hadith isn't Yes, Musa Mohammed and it's authentic hadith. Abu OMA reported Roger love and a
young man came to the process. Ahmed said O Messenger of Allah give me permission to commit adultery, and that people tend to rebuke Him saying Quiet quiet. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Come here, the young man came close and he told him to sit down and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Would you like that for your mother? than the man said no by Allah? May I be sacrificed for you? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Neither would people like you for them others would you like that for your daughter? The man said no by Allah
May I be sacrifice for you? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said neither would people like it for the daughters. Would you like that for your sister? The man said no by Allah may I be sacrifice for you. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Neither would people like it for their sisters, would you like that for your aunts and so on and so forth. And what was very beautiful is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam placed his hand on his heart and he said, Oh Allah, forgive his sins, purify his heart, and guard his chest to chest, chastity. And after that, the young man never again inclined to anything sinful. This hadith. You could write a book on this
hadith. Yeah. Emotional Intelligence hikma understanding the person's context individualizing him? Because that's
right. So
yeah, there's some of those to individualize people, pedagogy, education. But at the end of the day, the person was committed to the well being of guidance of all people. Yeah, that Allah centric goal, he understood this man's context, this young man's context, he applied his, his divine guidance into that context to achieve that particular goal. And wanting the wellbeing for that person because that is indicated by the dua that he made. And he put his hand on his chest, on on the young man's chest. This is one of a great form of hikma,
you have here to Allah centric goal, help guide the young man. He understood his context, psychological, emotional, anyone from a Nazi point of view, understood the type of language he needed to use, and applied that in in that context to achieve that goal. Now,
if, you know, in many cases, we were like, Tara, stuck for Allah. Right. And we're not assessing the personal context, we're not really committed to the well being, we don't have an Allah centric goal, meaning what is the most pleasing thing to Allah in that context? And yeah, we may be right in abstraction. We know it's haram, but it's not the right way. Yeah. Is that the Is that Is that how you should apply your in, in that particular context to achieve that goal? And no, and that's, and that creates thing that requires thinking requires a floss it and not not that it requires shorter consultation, I am of the view, if you don't have a consultative body above you in the shower, you
should not be trusted. I don't care who you are, I don't care what you look like, I don't care how many followers you have. Ain't trusting you, my friend. So good point, I'm not trusting you. I'll trust you as a believer, but when it comes to the dollar, is you need to have that in place. Why? Because generally speaking, in the online sphere, if you have a brand, there's always going to be a conflict of interest between your brand and the and the doubt and what's pleasing to Allah. And what happens over time. The knifes thinks that the brand is identical to the objectives of the dollar, no or the dollar. Right? But you're exactly it could be the case that your brand has to stop, change,
stay silent, or refine itself in order to in order to facilitate the dollar. And that requires a lot of a class that requires shorter, it requires people being looking at, you know, being above you to a certain degree and unveiling those blind spots. But again, that's another topic. But look, that's wisdom. And we need to develop wisdom. And it's connected to humility, again, coming back to the heart, how do you develop humility, you spoke about some of the things that you do in the spiritual tradition of Islam, the night prayers that decoded the recitation of the Quran that adopted the Quran, and so on and so forth. Being around humble people, but also you really, you refine yourself
with regards to floss. Because this is this is really about sincerity. Because if you if you want to achieve a goal that is most pleasing to Allah, it means you want to please Allah, which means you have a class. And again, it goes back to the heart again. Right? So from that perspective, we have a developer class in order to understand and even ask the question what is most pleasing to Allah and want to achieve that goal, we have to defend a particular context, which means you have to apply our apple, our intellect on that and have Shura and have subject matter experts to help us understand what the context is, and get there in the relevant realm and apply it in a relevant way to that
context to achieve that particular goal. Like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam. And look, we've been talking about the heart here. So this is a nice kind of transitioning to talking about strength, spiritual and physical strength. And we always quote the famous Hadith in Sahih Muslim, right? A strong believer is better and is more lovable to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in everyone. And the end from this perspective, sometimes we focus a lot on like, you know, you get the brothers on like, you know, tick tock, Whatever, dude, like that press, this hadith comes out or whatever the case may be. But with all due respect, if you can't bench press your ego, I
don't care how much you Allah. You You should have had that response. You know, I was in Atlanta the other week, and we did something for the youth. And you know, it was open q&a slideshow, these sorts of things. I was shocked at how many of the questions all the questions the guys had, were about numbers and
Can you squat? How much can you invest? benchpress? How much can you like whatever? SubhanAllah? I want to use that line. Yeah, please, please. No. And this relates to the Hadith of the Prophet saw somebody says, Hey, say Hadeeth, according to some of the scholars were Abu Huraira Rajala, and said that the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the strong are not those who defeat people. Rather, the strong are those who defeat the own ego.
If you can't bench press the ego, what's the point and you're not on the level, we want you to be on that level, we all want to be on that we want to elevate each other. But don't claim, you know, radula masculinity, just because you could move an iron from A to B, with all due respect. You know, lots of people can do that. Even non Muslims do that. People who reject Allah do that atheists do that. Yeah. In actual fact, some atheists can be much stronger than you like that. What does it mean? It means that that better than you know, so the point of view is that if you follow the promise, awesome, this refers to spiritual strength. Yes, by the way, it does refer to physical
strength as well, or Allama have spoken about this. But it primarily from this perspective, refers to spiritual strength bench, pressing that ego, dealing with your Kibriya arrogance with your hassad with your blameworthy jealousy dealing with realist annotation, dealing with the urge of vanity, dealing with these key core spiritual diseases of the heart, working really hard. And to be honest, it is easier to benchpress than it is to benchpress your own ego. That's just me. Like,
you know, my, just to just to agitate the youth here. My one my one rep max for benchpress is 170 kilos. Yeah, that's very good. Yeah. Not now. By the way. I was 119 kilos when I did that. Yeah. Lucas aid bottles and ISDB. This guy. Yeah. But I wasn't functionally fit. I was just tremendously strong. But that was a Yeah. So I it's not much pride in that. But I and that didn't take that long for me to achieve that. But let me tell you something, I might where I want to be when it comes to my ego. When it comes to my knifes. No way. And it's taking much longer. I'm 43 years old in about two days on the 21st of September.
And
I might where I want to be at the age of 43.
Probably not. And it's I will I became Muslim when I was 22 years old. So it's about 21 years. It's taking me 21 years to be of a certain level, and it's nowhere near where I want to go. benchpress took me about three years. Wow. So I'm telling you the most hardest thing my beloved brothers and my beloved sisters, is that the greatest challenge is to deal with your knifes fantasy perineal bow. But that is true strength. Yeah. Also, Abu Huraira or Roger love and neurogenesis in Sahih Bukhari Muslim the person said, the strongest are not the best wrestlers very the strongest are those who control themselves when angry, angry now. So it's important to deal with the spiritual aspect. And
there's a path to do that there's a method to achieve that according to the Quran and the Sunnah. But let's not focus on physical strength. It's also important to focus on physical strength as well. If you refine your intention, you're doing it for the sake of Allah. You didn't get to show that Muslims are strong, that we have a sense of aura, you're doing it for longevity in the Dawa? You're doing it maybe because your wife wants you to look like that. And you should please your wife and your wife should please do. You're doing it for Allah centric reasons. Yeah. And, you know, you do to show a sense of strength and is it for the deen? And, you know, we live in a age of PR, right?
And the way you look is relatively important. You know, like Muslimah Rajala, who and Namo selama, this Khattab Yanni, what's his name? The Sahabi. And what's his name? It's late here. So I'm losing my brain. Give me this name. He will the Yemeni expensive clothing Subhanallah
Yeah.
It's not
okay.
When he was, you know, governing a certain certain area of the Islamic the Islamic
State at a time, he was expensive clothing. And you know, sometimes, you know, they would expect from a Sahaba to be a bit more aesthetic and so on and so forth. He said, You don't know my people, right? Because he had he knew what he was doing. Right. So likewise, in our context, you know, sometimes you know, you have to look good is to look good and to be smart and, and that includes your physicality is wanting to see as if you refine your intention.
Your physicality is so important, because Sahaba was many Sahaba was strong, you know, you had Sahaba, who are wrestling and so on and so forth. So it's important for us to engage in that, especially in our context, because we echoed this earlier that we do live in what you would call a dominant ideological frame, which is like liberal feminism. And you know, liberal feminism, generally speaking does not want they don't want men to be strong. Thank
They don't want men to be chivalrous. chivalry is dead. Yeah. Is that? Is that that? Yeah, we need to revive it. So the sense of pious chivalry, and that with that comes a strength as well. And even from a biological perspective, from a Fitri perspective, you know, our women folk want men to be as strong as possible. Yeah. And that doesn't mean you got a massive bicep, by the way, right? If you study weight training and bodybuilding, bodybuilding is with all due respect money to a certain degree. Right? Right, right. Because you can have very skinny guys, if you look at the Olympic weightlifters, they could they lift more than bodybuilders? And they don't look like this. So I
don't want people to think, oh, I have to have this big chest and this six pack? No, it's your sense of being your approach. How you know is any, you get the point. But the point is, we need to focus on physical strength as well, because that's kind of a neglected practice, especially amongst today's men, today's boys, you know, we're always on the gaming, or we're zombies scrolling on tick tock, or reels or shorts, or whatever the case may be. The scoring system, especially going to non Muslim academics as well is actually pro female traits. Yes.
Being able to sit in a desk and take instructions and turn things in poor handwriting, neatness, all these sorts of things, they skew female, heavily. Exactly. So from that perspective, you know, men boys should just play as everyday if they can, into the exhausted, do something into each other,
each other our
thoughts, whatever is required, because, you know, there's, I think there's an increase of so called ADHD, and a lot of deaths, basically, unspent energy. And some key advice is just get them to keep on playing everyday to the exhaust all of that energy. And that's very important for us to understand. You know,
my son, I tell him, sometimes he's very, very energetic martial law. Sometimes I can do like 50, burpees, 500 200 punches or something like that, and just really exhaust him because I know, I can sense his way of being if you spend that energy, he's gonna go crazy.
Something's gonna break someone's gonna fight. You know, that's it, you turn on punches, 1500 50 burpees, or whatever the case may be, and at the end is like this on the floor.
So we need to we need to get on men energetic, they need to be with other groups, group of men and but young men and young boys, those the boys are transitioning to manliness now. They need to do sports, whether it's soccer, or whether it's martial arts or archery or swimming or horse riding or even hiking, whoever rocks your boat, as we say in the UK. You just need to be active, be active, and especially for young men in this hyper sexualized society. You need to fill your time with something if you don't fill your time with something shut down. We fill your time with some of this kind of get you Yeah, yeah, whether it's *, whether it's girls whether it's haram stuff
you need and that's a key parenting trick right?
Just just fill the time the stuff they're
doing wrestling in the morning they're doing soccer in the evening. They're doing some studies during the day they're doing Quran in here this Don't do that. They got no time to breathe. Yeah, yeah, just fill the time with things. Yeah, obviously not overwhelmed. And you have to understand human beings too. But generally speaking, our boys to be active and to be strong and to have a sense of way of being that they have a sense of physical competence as well. And let's not conflate this with the so called materialistic aesthetic six pack big chests guy, although that might be nice to have. If your wife wants that and find this go do some weight training, please no problem. But the
point here is don't conflate it with I need to be this bodybuilder and this you know what you see on social media? That's kind of nonsense. Yeah. Because if you know the physical game, if I were to see a bodybuilder and I had to fight him, God forbid, easy, no problem, give me 30 seconds, because there'll be a breath, there'll be non functional. Because generally speaking, bodybuilders are not very, you know, that fit in a holistic sense. Anyway, moving on.
Physical spiritual strength is very important benchpress your ego during but don't worry about bench pressing. So many kilos that will come secondary, the most important thing and the greatest struggle that's perennial, is actually dealing with your ego. And we spoke about this earlier, we talked about shaitan. When you know, the whole the kind of kibosh on the NEF, see, attitude of I always want to be right, I never want to be wrong, I always was good. I never want to look bad. I always want to impose I never want to be imposed upon to the degree that you reject the truth. And you actually give up the right way of being. So you're saying that it's a very, very important exercise
for strengthening or developing that spiritual strength to be able to admit when we're wrong, and be able to own mistakes and say, Yeah, you know, this is something that I'm struggling with and I'm trying to work on it and I'm trying to get better and, you know, stay.
This is something that is actually yeah, that's that's self awareness is very important, but that stems from the fact that you're dealing with your heart now, because, you know, the, you know, everything has a polish and the polish of the heart
Is that they could have Allah subhanaw taala you need to be engaging with prophetic practices that actually are likely to strengthen the spiritual heart so you're less likely to have kibble, you know, to dabble with the Quran reading the Quran, you know,
glorifying Allah subhanaw taala through dhikr according to the Prophet sallallahu, ala he was salam, having a program of spiritual activity, you know, waking up at least once a week continued making dua to Allah to rectify your affairs. You know, the DUA that you make at that time. And the last third of the night is like an error that never misses his target. All of these things being around people who are humble being around people who, who, who are also on the path of fixing the internal traits trying to benchpress the egos, because remember, you're going to be the product of the of your environment. If you're around for people who are dealing with these negative spiritual traits,
you'll be the fifth and you're more likely to succeed. And this echoes I asked in the Quran, you know, when Allah subhanaw taala says in chapter 24, verses 36 and 37. Allah says, that light signs to houses of worship which Allah has ordered to be raised and where his name is mentioned, he is glorified their morning and evening by men who are not distracted, either by buying or selling from Allah's remembrance or performing prayer, or paying arms tax this occur, they fear a Day when hearts and eyes would tremble. Now, this talk is about men in you know, the masajid they glorify Allah subhanho wa Taala morning and evening. Again, this is an indication that focusing on Allah,
glorifying Allah, focusing on your heart that is look assumed by buying or selling by the dunya. Even things like fame and wealth as a famous hadith is in integrity, so sahih Hadith, and I was speaking about this with some brothers early when we had some dinner. And it was about
fame and wealth, that fame and wealth is more destructive to a man's religion than to free roaming Wolf Among sheep.
This one was scarce Hadith for people in doubt, that was going to money, money and fame. Yeah. fame and wealth are more destructive to one's religion than to free roaming wolves among sheep. If you know anything about wolves amongst sheep is a massacre is a bloodbath. You know,
fame and wealth is more damaging to your religion. And a lot of this stuff is connected to your state of being your heart, what does your heart lay? And you know, Allah is indicating here that you know, we have to be people who remember Allah subhana wa Tada we're not distracted by buying or selling and by extension, fame and wealth. And again, Allah says in surah Tauba, verse 108, do not Oh prophet ever praying now this was about the masjid of harm. And we know the story behind this. And Allah subhanho wa Taala says, certainly a mosque founded on righteousness from the first day is more worthy of your prayers. Because remember, the hypocrites wanted the person to, to pray in the
masjid that they built to kind of undermine, you know, the first mosque that was built in Medina. And Allah subhanho wa Taala is giving that device to the province of some that don't pray now you should pray in the masjid that was built on taqwa and righteousness, and, and that is more worthy of your prayers than Allah says, in it are men who love to be purified. And Allah loves those who purified themselves in the exegetical tradition in the toughest of this does mean doing wudu we know that, right? It also means purifying your heart. So these two is very important because Allah mentions men, the men in these masajid the men who are not distracted, yes, by extension, you can
mean women too. But we're talking about masculinity today, what it means to be a man. So here, these ayat indicate very strongly about dealing with your, your your heart. So this is very, very important, my dear brothers and sisters, because you know, if you're married, and you have brothers, or you know, you have male people in your family, you could certainly give them this advice as well.
And elevate each other doing away with hikma and do it with Hassanal. It was goodness and SN. This is one thing I keep coming back to when I'm thinking about these issues is that we need to be invested in the success of the opposite *. And part of both feminism and maybe red pill movement is a secession. Right? It's quitting on caring about the success of the opposite * component. This is so deep because that link to Kawan it leads to being carers, caretakers being protected the maintainers of our wives or women folk, right? Because this means that you want the best for them because to be a Muslim, right, think about what does it mean to be a Muslim? Essentially, the famous
Hadith in the vein of unknowing the thing
Tadese, let me know, I had to come to you here but there he may have been enough say, you won't truly believe unless you love for your brother, your love for yourself. When you look at the explanation of ANOVA we here basically he included insomnia. He included humanity in this as well. That you want goodness and guidance for all people, you are committed to the true well being of people, your brother and your sister, male and female, obviously, no. And we also have another Hadith in traditional Kabir narrated by Bukhari where the prophet Salam said love for Lin Ness, love for humanity, what you love for yourself. And this is According to some scholars also as a hadith.
So what and you have scholars like Alibaba zali, you have scholars like even tactical aid, and many others, they basically affirm that you should want the well being and goodness and guidance of people. If you don't have that, how can you even be considered yourself a true Muslim or having true Imam How can you because it is of being a man, because this links to the other aspects of masculinity that you have, you know, a sense of a one you have this sense of taking care and protecting and maintaining and providing for your wives? What is taken care of mean, in a wide broad sense, we bring all the Islamic principles ethics together, you want good you want righteousness for
your own folk, you want health, you want physical well being spiritual well being social protection, protection from the social harms. You want them to be elevated, you want them to go to Jana. Yeah. So that's the main goal, and you want to take each other because it complementarian system because when you look at the roles and responsibilities, in the Islamic tradition, when it comes to man and wife, male and female, there are some overlaps, but there are some distinctions. Those distinctions are based on the necessary social moral hierarchies and principles that have served us well. And they're unnecessary, and that complementarian was this gender war thing is nonsense. Yeah, it hurt
little, we're hurting, we're not, we're not met, we're not male centric. We're not female centric. We are Theo centric, Allah centric. And that's very important for us to understand. So the ayah in the Quran that, you know, obviously is very important to focus on is in chapter four, verse 34, when Allah says men are the caretakers, also translated as protectors and maintainers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah of a woman and tasked with supporting them financially, and righteous women are divinely obedient, and when alone protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. So from a masculinity point of view, you need to be able to provide and take care of the Republic, to
protect them, to financially provide for them, and to ensure that their physical, social, and spiritual being is met within the confines of Islamic ethics and law. And that's why having been stingy is actually the antithesis of being a man. And we know in you know, this better than me, you know, in terms of, if a man has the means and doesn't provide for his woman, she could actually take this necessary. She could be, I mean, it's not stealing from her, but she is her right, because it's,
it's nothing is maintenance, right. And that's valid grounds for divorce and everything else.
Absolutely. But the The important thing to understand here is that being a true Muslim man is that you're able to protect your women, to provide for your women, and to also ensure that they have physical, spiritual, emotional well being. Now, and this is very important to understand this is where it gets a bit murky. This doesn't now mean that you just always pleasing the woman. Now she's doing this to please Allah. Because if you're going to please a woman or a man, then you're going to end up destroying both of them. That's right. Yeah. Because you're going to allow them to, as people don't know what they ask for them. So there's going to come a situation where they want something
that's actually not what's best for them. And law says, and so it's a bucket. All right. So you're going to have to put your foot down at some point and say, No, this is what we're doing, because it's in your best interest and my best interest and this is what is more pleasing to Allah, exactly what we should focus on when it comes to how to deal with this issue. Because generally speaking, you have to kind of force archetypes, you have the tyrant. And so for this language, and I know it's misused, Martin would explain it properly. You have the simp simple archetype for the tyrannical type is you're just basically a bully. Yeah, you're a tyrant. Everything is a red line. Anything
that goes over that red line, you you miss, use your force, you misuse that authority, you become oppressive. It's not a complementarian lifestyle. You're not fulfilling the needs of your womenfolk or your family, you're not protecting them properly. You're not ensuring that they have well being spiritually and physically and emotionally. You're just a tyrant. Yeah, and
tyrants usually a very weak people. Yeah. Because they, they, they have other trauma. And they need to go on a journey to actually unpack that trauma and deal with what they have to deal with. The other thing is the simple archetype. And the simple archetype is they have no red lines, there's no principles or they just break principles just to please a woman. Right? Or just to please anyone. But in the context of of this scenario is to please the women folk, even and especially when the women were in folk want something that is not in line with the Quran and the Sunnah. The balance is the Sunnah itself, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and actually my dad taught me this as
well. You know?
Everyone says, here's one of my ears and mind both. Here's a man both your partner may Allah bless you
and grant your parents janitor for those as a result of guiding them to the dean and Inshallah, Mommy. So
it's the Sunnah. And what is the sunlight? And my dad told me this really, which he told me the summer before I knew the sun, right? So my dad used to say you have like a square rectangle, this is your red lines. These red lines are based on good principles. Anything inside those red lines, yeah, and you overlook, have helped her forbearance, have Rama, have love, be compassionate, don't be pay, that kind of stuff. Be pardoning. If if those red lines which are unnecessary red lines, and they can't just be suggestions because there won't be red lines, you have to enforce them, then you have to enforce them in the most appropriate way. This is essentially one of the best summaries of the
Sunnah of the process. And when it comes to marriage, and dealing with people in general and dealing with the women folk. Have your red lines, those red lines are not dictated by your knifes those that red lines are not dictated by your Shaohua to blame with desires. Those red lines are dictated by the Quran and the Sunnah. For the from outside of us, that's what's that's key. Yes, they're not our ideal century or alongside of us. Yes. Within the red lines, follow the Sunnah. forbearing, forgiving, playful, everything is not a red line, you're not a tyrant. You already know what your red lines are. And they come from the Quran and the Sunnah. Within those red lines be forbearing and
loving. As we know, you know, I Aisha Radi Allahu anha broke the plate in front of the Sahaba the person who wasn't like, you know, Nacho and saying, How dare you do this? You shamed me from this, look at the weaker response. Your mother is a bit jealous. And then he got the replacement of the plate, which showed a lot of integrity teaching us how to have integrity. Yeah. You know, so from that perspective,
you know, some of these maybe red pillars or whatever the case may be, they'll be like, oh, man, you know, she disrespected me. How dare she disrespect me. Right? And, you know, maybe you'll demand a sense of authority and you'll become a little bit of a tyrant as a result that's completely against the sun that in my view, and you know, human beings, we make mistakes, we, you know, we have certain temperaments and we have to deal with people in the most appropriate way. And we know, the Sunnah has red lines, because we know the prayers Assam actually moved away from his wives around 20, HS, 90. Yes. Which shows the heat and force those red lines. So we're not saying the presence. I'm just
wanted to pleases Rinpoche No, he always wants to please Allah. That's right. And that's the key characteristic of being a Romac. Those red lines come from Allah and His Messenger, comes from guidance come from divine inspiration. They don't come from your Chihuahua, or your full sense of what it means to be a man or match on us. It comes from the Dean. Once you know what those red lines are, you enforce them in a way that the Dean teaches you how to enforce them. But within that, you show love you show forbearance, and so many other things. It's very important for us to have a protective jealousy of our womenfolk. Like, look, I took a picture of a cake that my wife made. I
think it was a few years ago for the office. Her thumb was in the picture. I did not follow the opinion the thumb is our. But I cropped out the thumb. Yes, no, I'm not. I'm not saying to show that predictive jealousy. But I'm just saying, I find it so bizarre. And I'm just going to be very controversial, but any take water? Yeah. What you need to understand is, I would never put my wife on social media. Yeah. Never. In actual fact, I'm gonna be honest, I will probably never marry a woman who's on social media. Yeah. Now, you may think well, Hamza was really harsh. I don't know. I don't know if that's really harsh. I think that's the balance. Wait. Now there are there may be
exceptions, based on Islamic criteria. I'm not saying these are default rule. Yeah, of course. I think this comes from a healthy sense of VEDA you might think, Oh, he's a chauvinist is a macho guy. No, actually, I don't even consider myself like that. I just think this is the most careful position to take, because you understand what happens in social media. If you understand the weight of the sort of the pace criticism on how they understood public work, if you understand basically, the biological individual differences of males and females in terms of, you know, in terms of the way we observe the opposite *. There are so many
arrows in place, if you understand them properly, you'd have that protective jealousy. And if you're going to go away from that, what I call the Balanced View, it has to be justified from an Islamic perspective. But the point is, in my view, there is a lot of kind of the youth like behavior happening online a lot. And we need to be very careful, we need to create a conversation and look, I stand in the possibility I'm wrong, I stand in the possibility you may disagree with me fundamentally, or, or there or you represent, like one of many possible acceptable opinions on a spectrum of okay, there's this, and this, and this, you know, it's like, that's all granted, but
we're not underneath that having this conversation. Yes, exactly. We need to leave that conversation to be had, because I think, especially in the dialogue context, I would argue personally, that
there is the dominant frame from a subconscious point of view, is why would say it has a tinge of liberal feminism, and especially the retreat, both
different types of public figures, whether they're male or female. And that's something that we need to have a conversation about. And look, these are unprecedented matters. This is the 21st century, you know, the Muslim community, we have our own struggles. So I'm not, you know, condemning anybody per se quo, I'm saying we need to have this conversation now. Because think about it strategically, if we continue the way we continue now. And then the the ideological trends are continuing the way that continuing now. And you project in the next 10 years, ask yourself, What's going to happen. And it could be the case that things are gonna go much, much worse. So we need to have a conversation
right now on our ethical paradigm is, but it's quite an uncertain as to when these things, understand the particular context, do consultation with scholars who are learned and understand, you know, these issues in depth, and also subject matter experts, and actually maybe even have a code of conduct, I don't know. But the point is, above all mighty yet there.
It has to be an intentional decision. And it has to be a principal decision, I think those are the two most important things, we can't just go on cruise control, and just, you know, automatically do whatever, quote unquote, feels natural, because we are being worked on by these other forces in society, and by not just an example of that. And so you know, and, and that, and that's why for me from even under this is connected to masculinity and what it means to be a woman as well and Islamic tradition. That's why we have to also earn the narrative, own the narrative, rather, we need to own the narrative, our own narrative and propagate effectively. Because sometimes, we may say things
that are in abstraction, Islamic, but they're framed from a liberal and feminist discourse perspective, for example. And this is holding you guys to account as well. Yeah, it's when I take for example, take for example,
where are the articles on like, the best thing, generally speaking for women is to be a mother and a wife. You have the feminist frame, saying to a woman, especially a liberal feminism, which is the ultimate atomization of society, as Professor Charles Taylor says, liberalism is the primacy of the self of the individual. The irony is the feminist philosopher, Marian Friedman, not that I'm taking her feminism, but she makes a good point about individualism. And when she talks about communitarianism, she says individualism is the view of the self as an abstract entity devoid from social obligations and attachments. So liberalism actually focuses on reality or social realities
and understanding the individual through the individualistic paradigm, you atomize society, there's no necessary social obligations and attachments. Therefore, within a secular liberal materialistic paradigm and the dual economy, then the woman, a woman is going to be celebrated as someone who could go out there in the workforce, and engage and become a CEO and a boss, woman, all of that stuff. And what happens is, when she has children, she now puts them into daycare. Yep. And then the liberal state becomes the nanny become the parent. And what happens is, as Malcolm X had only a fool, fool, your enemy, educate your children. And this is very interesting, because when that
happens, what does liberal feminism actually do then? Liberal feminism wait actually does it strips women away from their honor, they strips the honor away from women, and it makes the woman It took glorified incubator.
I know there's very harsh terms. And if you see the statistics between excessive use of daycare, and then in fact terroristic and psychological well being of children and then transitioning into adults, you see that there's a correlation that it's not good. It's not good. It's not good. It's not good for society. Now, there's more to unpack here. But what's very significant to say is that for example, there's a I think there's a psychiatrist called Peter Cook. He in early two
outcome infants and nations at risk. He said, daycare is the greatest threat to our future mental health. Also the psychologist Steve, I can't pronounce the name properly. Biddulph, in raising babies said this. One in 20 British parents slam their children to full time nursery care, from 8am to 6pm. From the age of six months, there has been a trebling in 20 years of number of under threes in daycare, an epidemic of mental health problems has taken place among children and adolescents in that time span. So it's destroying society. Right? And that's what liberal feminism does. And what we've done, we've actually promoted that narrative subconsciously, maybe inadvertently or
advertently. Right? explicitly or implicitly, we've done it, you know, go to work force, you need to be in activism, this done the other. With all due respect, that's not your primary role. Let me just be honest, that's not your primary role.
Focus on your primary role, then we can have a discussion. And none of this sounds really, really harsh. And I know even people gonna be like, what is Hamza saying, Well, this is the deal, man, if you don't like it, then Yanni?
Yeah. What can I say? It's a Nazi issue. So what I'm saying here is that we need to be really cognizant of that. And that's a we need to own our narrative. Where are the papers on focusing on the best role, my wife is the queen.
She is the queen Pro, Chef. And I'll tell you why. Because I'm Ebro mother's strong liberal, yet she's a mother, and she is a wife, and she's fulfilling those roles. Amazingly, I think you're gonna be really, really interested in my forthcoming paper on that's why that's why I'm able to say this, because you're, you're cleaning the domain, you're killing the dollar. Yeah. And so we accept Oh, guy, and in our beloved chef Tom. Well, I mean, so what we're seeing really just to be accurate, she's not in an office, she's at home, she's taking care of the kids, homeschooling, she's a wife, you know, I see her as the greatest woman in the world, not because she's my wife, because he's
fulfilling the greatest roles in the world for us. And this relates to atomic masculinity, just as just to, you know, to loop it all back, because the man Islamically has to care about what his wife is doing what his women folk are doing, if they're fulfilling their proper roles, if they are obtaining the pleasure of Allah subhanho data, or incurring the anger or Wrath of Allah subhanaw taala. That that is, is absolutely my concern, or your, or any concerns.
And what's interesting is, look, I was a program and project consultant, I work for an American company, I work for private and public sector work for the British government. I worked for police, I worked for different places. And I know what office environments are like, let me tell you something. I would work five jobs just for my wife not to be in office. Yeah. Yeah, with all due respect in the second liberal paradigm. Now.
I know we live in a judo economy. I know this is maybe even coming from a position of privilege, maybe. But we and I do appreciate that there are contexts I want people to misunderstand my words, because they could be scenarios, the families, the man is a true man is trying his best. We live in a capitalist society, not everyone's going to be wealthy or the top or not everyone's gonna be middle class, you're gonna have people who are not. So I appreciate that. So I don't want this to be used to people who have context and they're trying the best, but they can't they can't achieve everything within a within Islamic idealistic perspective. Yeah. And to even assume that they should
when they're trying their best, and you're judging them is equal. And it's and it's wrong. Yes. But so it's all context based. It could be the case that woman has to work, right and the man has to work, but often your economy, but often, I think what is supports your point is that these are rather choices of priorities than absolutely Agreed. Agreed. Especially American context. But yes, you're right. Yeah. But in the British context, more so because America context you guys a little bit more wealthy in the British context, we have, you know, a relatively large labor working class group of Muslims and everyone has to work even your dog has to work your cat has to work your fish
has to work everyone has to work yet. Is this crazy? For some people, especially living in certain parts of London that are not very affluent. So I didn't want this to be used in a way that she looks down on them because not they could be doing the best thing in their particular context, of course, anyway, and that and that doesn't mean now the woman has to work nine to five for whole week maybe just works from home one day a week. Sure. We'll have to keep that dynamic with a man still has that kind of social hierarchy because very important for the well being if it's an army
any necessary evil, let it remain an evil, even if it's necessary, yes. Anyway, so we need to take care of our women folk, we need to ensure that they are financially provided for they have food, shelter and clothing. They're physically fulfilled, especially when it comes to man, women in America context sexual relations, that they act, you have that relationship that you make your woman feel comfortable, that she actually has performance. Because as you know, in Islamic law, if she's not fulfilled, then, you know, she can complain, you can go to court of law, obviously, that's the last resort. But they should have that relationship where that communication is and that she is, you
know, fulfilled in physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially. And that's very important, especially when it comes to following the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu. It he was salam, because that's how he treated his women folk as well. So that's what it means to be a man to protect them. And also to have this, bring it back to the main point that we were discussing for a while, concept of protective jealousy. You know, you women folk have to follow the Sharia, they try your best and when they go outside, that they're following the guidance of Allah subhana wa Taala that covering the order, that they understand what the rules and regulations are, that you have that coach at
home, where you're elevating each other, so you're all on a trajectory of improvement and getting closer to Allah subhanaw taala This is extremely important, especially for a man because the the prophetic tradition of not being having predictive jealousy, you're throwing yourself into hellfire.
And, you know, the student have been Tamia saying very interesting. He said that the youth, the one who doesn't have protective jealousy is the vilest of Allah's creation, and Paradise is forbidden for him. Because of his lack of Aveda protective jealousy. And man should be jealous with regard to his wife's honor and standing, you should defend her whenever she's slandered or spoken ill ill of behind her back. Actually, this is a rite of every Muslim in general, right of the spouse specifically, he should also be jealous and not allowing other men to look at his wife, or speak with her in a manner which is not appropriate. Now I'm going to be honest, I've seen some stuff
online. If that was my wife, and that was that guy, then Yanni, there'll be war? Yeah. It's not inappropriate. It's not appropriate. If that that was my wife, no way. I haven't mentioned this another podcast once about some famous day, he's got this thing going on with men and women. I'm like, No way. If you spoke to my wife like that, you'd be speaking like that in high school. Yeah, I'm telling you, this is unacceptable. Yeah. And likewise, they shouldn't be put in that position in the first place. You know, this club. Yeah, we have our criteria, we have our ethics, we have our morals. And this is very important. So we have to have that sense of protective jealousy. Now, go to
the scholars to learn about this. This is just a podcast, I always suggest sit with the scholars. Because what I've said today, some of the things can be inaccurate or wrong or misplaced. I stand in that possibility. I just want to plant seeds in your heart and mind. So you continue your masculine journey, which is very important. And that I think, would allow us to now maybe end on just the summary, beautiful on the other characteristics that we should, that we should have focused on, but there's so many. And that's why it's meant to be encouraged to really see the life of the person in the correct way, understand his characteristics, understand who he was understand that to
internalize these sublime traits. So for example, generosity, this is a key aspect of what it means to be a man to be generous, right? Not to withhold your wealth, if you have the means and the prophets, Hassan was the most generous to the point when one person said, This man doesn't fit poverty. Right. And we know especially in Ramadan, in the last 10 days, he was the most giving. What about humility and modesty? And humility is not shaking someone's hand with the tip of your fingers and being meek. Yeah. When someone does that, to me, I tell them, can you hold? Can you not touch me? Please, can you shake my hand? Because you have this sense of, you know, masculinity, you have
to be strong and Butch and you know, whatever. But usually, it's your way of being BB more confident humidity is in the heart. And we see this with the process. I'm in Shama is telling me the, we see that when he was invited to a house, that, you know, if they were going to give him rancid fat, he would store it in that house. Right. You know, he was so humble, that, you know, he would basically get involved in building his, the Mosque of the province of Solomon, he was, you know, shed mud, I think, from head to toe. You know, when he prayed he had mud lines on his forehead. You know, he would sleep on I think palm fibers that would leave marks on his back. He was humble, even the way
he approached people and spoke to people. And these are all very important things that we need to consider because sometimes we conflate masculinity with being one of those typical alpha males. Yeah.
No, no, you need to have a sense of humility and modesty. And again, you know, he was described as a person who had higher had modesty Like a Virgin bride. Right? So this is a very important thing for us to understand because if you say this to some of the red pillars, there'll be laughing
at this narrative, but they are not our teachers. That's right Quran and Sunnah are teachers, right? So it's very important to look at the humanity of the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam,
also, pardoning and forbearance one of my beat the famous ayat in the Quran for me not famous one the most beautiful Ayat for me in the Quran, is sort of facade diversity for when Allah says good and evil are not the same, repel, but that which is better. And between two people, there's any enmity you attend to intimate friendship, this is very difficult, except for those who are steadfast, those who are patient was interesting. Allah mentions repel good and evil, the Arabic word for repel is not followed by a direct object. It's like report anything with what is better, now repel going evil, what is better the LMS say this means repenting. What is more with what is
more virtuous, and what is more beautiful people, Muslims should be people of beauty, and people have virtue. And that doesn't mean always being soft, and giving them like, you know, rainbows and flowers, and whatever the case may be. It's about doing the right thing at the right time in the right way. So you have virtue and beauty you repel anything with virtue and beauty. And this was forbearance, and we know the province was on the famous Hadith where the Jewish man came to him. He saw two signs of prophethood. He was looking for the final sign which was hen forbearance. Allah is Al Halim, the forbearing. And we need to have a sense of him forbearance from a human centric point
of view, and the person displayed that so he won't, so this Jewish man wanted to test him and he pulled him by the neck, I think he left a mark, one of the sahabi wanted to basically saw him out. And the way the Prophet SAW THE LORD where it was and responded with so much forbearance, he repelled that evil with what was better and what was more beautiful. And this person became Muslim. And I think this hadith in Sahih Muslim Yeah. So he Bukhari
and what this is very interesting, because
I cannot even pace he said, My Life motion he said, What is manhood? It was it was said to him, What is the man manhood, and enough said forbearance at a time of anger, and forgiveness at a time of power. Subhanallah is a very deep words. Also, another scholar said, A man will not hit the mark, nor fulfill his manhood into he has two characteristics, forgiving people, and overlooking the faults. So this now links to being pardoning and forbearing. Sometimes we'd like that, we'd like to misuse our authority and power. Yes, someone designed wrong to us. So now we use that in a way just to project our own egos. Yeah, you were wrong, and I'm gonna get you back and I'm gonna expose that
you were wrong. And this is not the sign of a man will lie he was someone asked for forgiveness. It's of great masculinity to say, bro, I've got more sins and you deserve color here for being humble. And asking for forgiveness. I forgive you, and may Allah forgive you, I'm gonna be gentle, different dose. That's the response that you should have, as Allah says, forgiven, overlook, do you know what ALLAH forgive to forgive your sins, do some number on this, if it's as if you forgiving others, is correlated to Allah forgiving you.
You know, the Allama have to scoot on us Do you know this is very deep, you don't want to say if someone has harmed you, and they've done, they used any means necessary. And all possible means to try and get your forgiveness and you don't forgive them. You don't want them I say even though it's between two people, it's not the rights of Allah. It's between the rights of the individuals, which on the Day of Judgment have to sort out. But if you've tried your best in the dunya, to do so, some early MSA, Allah will forgive that person who wronged other person, and the other person may go to Japan and because they were arrogant, subhanAllah they had so much arrogance. They weren't willing
to accept that forgiveness.
Yeah, people think deen is back and why is my right? I'm going to the Day of Judgment. That guy has done everything. He bought your house. He bought you five cars. He you know, humiliate himself, he debased himself. He said, Sorry, he wrote letters, he gave you flowers. He took care of your parents, he he built a hospital for you. God knows right? Did everything possible. And you still can't say I forgive you. You could you could go straight to * because you have Kibber Subang. It could be as if it's as a result of Kippur. Yeah. So we have to understand, you know, you know, for being forbearing and pardoning, and overlooking is actually a characteristic of the Prophet
sallallahu. Now, as I said, I have to summarize these because we could go into depth RTGS is, of course the thing, service and love towards others, a key characteristic of the Prophet sallallahu it was and we mentioned this already before. Love for humanity with love for yourself. The Arabic is leanness love for the people you love.
yourself. This is a career, Al Kabeer narrated by Bahati, even topic and it's similar and it goes it said something similar. I would even say there's a causal consensus on this love for humanity where you love yourself and be merciful towards people be merciful towards creation. We know all of these Hadith related to this issue. And you know what's interesting?
Mohammed bin nada, may Allah have mercy on him, you know what he said, the first part of manhood is a cheerful face. The second part is loving kindness to people. The third part is fulfilling the needs of others being of service to people. And we know the person was at service to his family, which has been misused by the feminist Of course, I don't think there's not one Hadith that I'm aware of, that I'm aware of. Not one Hadith that I'm aware of, or other students have knows that I know that I'm aware of that says the person actually cooked for his family.
I know that sounds a bit funny, but I wanted to mention that because you know, some of that had, he was projected to see questions that that don't exist. Yeah, when he was three at home, who meant his shoe to do this stuff the other but when he had to do big things that he was going out there dominating the world, leading the salon dealing with judgments, you know, spreading the peace and justice of Islam around the world. You know, he was very, very busy man. Salallahu Salam, Allahu alayhi wa salam. Anyway, so being a service to others. So the things that we just wanted to summarize, which we can't unpack was generosity, humility and modesty, pardoning and forbearance,
service and love towards others. So that's everything that I can offer you in the short time that we had, I really hope and pray that it's been an authentic organic conversation.
You know, and we've planted the necessary seeds in your heart and minds, you continue the conversation because I don't want you thinking, you know, humbles has delivered this kind of conversation. And this is on masculinity. No, this is, this is this is a seed. This is a seed. Let's get the conversation started. Just getting started, is getting started. You know, I really support your podcast, you're going to be talking about feminism and unpacking all of these isms, which I remember when we had that conversation in Turkey. I was like, Allahu Akbar has so happy that you are able to be part of it. Yeah, Tom Facchini all the way. So we really support what you're doing. And
may Allah bless you in your pain in all the brothers and sisters in the dour class, run on the best in this life and left. Give us a sense of unity. Because Allah centric goal is pleasing to Him that we work with hikma that we work with Hashanah with our son with a class with Rama and we just really follow the commands of Allah subhanho wa Taala that we are Allah centric, not egocentric, because the greatest enemy is actually the inner me and many of the things that we spoke about the fundamental driving force for these ills is actually the state of our hearts we need to focus on which is the greatest thing to do bench press your ego Don't you know Yanni the other bench press
because much easier. The ego takes a lot of time is much heavier than 170 kilos, that's for sure. So yeah, may Allah bless you on YouTube thank you for the opportunity. I was just wonderful. I hope this plants the right seeds in the hearts and minds of people so they continued conversation they improvement on what we've just discussed.
Now it was tremendous pleasure benefited so much and we we look forward to further collaboration Inshallah, but we know it's late for you so we're gonna let you go and inshallah we're going to take take the conversation higher at another time inshallah Tada, so panicle we have to consider one day the answer self critical to be Lake Solomonic masala, barleycorn was salam. Are you kidding?