Tom Facchine – Minute with a Muslim #204 – What Are The Rights of A Woman In Marriage – Q&A

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			very popular question, what are the rights of a woman when she's married? And I'll answer that
question with something that is not a direct response. First is that marriage will not survive. If
you're only focused on rights, marriage needs to elevate itself beyond the level of rights. If
you're concerned about getting all of your rights from your husband, and your husband is concerned
about getting all of his rights from you, then you're gonna hate each other, you're gonna resent
each other. That's not love. That's not marriage. That's business. Right? It sounds like you're
ready to take each other to court. You didn't give me my rights. In reality, the rights of wife and
		

			the rights of the husband are so many in the Nika that there's no possible way that you're going to
give all of them to the other party. And so it's constantly a process of negotiation, and
overlooking and trying to improve. So for advice to married people, and I need that advice, first
and foremost, before anybody else, to try to relate to your marriage, not as a business partnership
in which you're trying to extract your rights, but something that Allah has given you as an
opportunity to worship Him, you worship Allah through your spouse, you worship Allah through your
marriage, if each party can get to the point where they're worshiping Allah through their marriage,
		

			neither will complain ever, they will have a happy marriage. If one person is able to do it, but the
other person isn't, it's very difficult, but it can still kind of limp along. If neither party is
worshiping Allah through the marriage, either of them is just concerned with themselves and getting
out of it what they want. And it's only a matter of time until the marriage isn't satisfying that
and you're going to want to end it. That being said, the rights that women have, and we mentioned
this in previous question, it's very important to to stress here, the dowry is one of the first
ones. Okay, you have a right to a dowry. We have two extremes in the Muslim community, we have some
		

			ethnic groups where the boundaries are so expensive that you wonder how anyone ever pays them
hundreds of 1000s of dollars. And then we have other communities that the dowry is so cheap that the
women are in a very, very weak position, if they ever want to get a clip, we just talked about how
women can get initiated divorce in exchange for part of the dowry. Okay, if your dowry was a copy of
the Koran, or if your dowry was being recited Surah teleclass. What are you going to do? When you
want a photo? What do you want to do when you want to divorce, maybe your husband starts drinking,
he starts smoking, he starts beating you and you want to divorce, he doesn't want to give it to you,
		

			and you don't have anything to negotiate with. You should have thought about that before you got
into it. By taking care of your dowry, make sure that your dowry is meaningful and reasonable. What
did we say in the clip but the other the other month, the dowry of the Prophet alayhi salat salam
and his womenfolk translated to be about $10,000 In today's currency, I believe. So that's something
where you know, you can, you can negotiate with other rights have to do with cohabitation, sexual
intimacy, it's not allowed for a husband to abandon his wife in the bedroom at all. And this is
something that's extremely important. There's research that shows that the hormones that get
		

			released between people, when they cohabit in such a way, it decreases tension. And it actually
makes everything else easier. All the arguments that you have all the resentment, that you build up
all these sorts of things. If you're not engaging each other in the bedroom, then everything gets
worse. So that is something that is that it cannot be used as a weapon. And this is a really big
problem at some couples, do they use it as a weapon, if you're not making me happy? Well, none for
you. And that goes from each party to the other huge mistake. It should be something that both
couples do, no matter what situation they're in, if they've had an argument or whatever, because
		

			it's actually going to help the argument is going to help everything else that's going on, you have
the right to financial maintenance, and this has to do that. So it goes back to our off. Okay, it
goes back to what is considered reasonable. According to the people of your area, you have the right
to what is typical, okay, that might be a three bedroom apartment, that might be a two bedroom
apartment, depending on where you live, depending on how many kids you have, depending on your
education level, these sorts of things. And there's other rights, I mean, it would, but but those
are usually the big ones, she has the right to protection, physical financial from her husband, and
		

			there are there can be other rights that also go back to culture, because in many things in the
media is silent about a certain thing. Oftentimes, it goes back to the oath, right it goes back to
the culture, if something is an expectation within the culture, then it can be it can be not every
single time, but it can be something that is recognized by the Sharia as something that's a cultural
expectation. That is enforceable.